Confessions of Joy

I know my friends they fill their houses with HD TV and fancy gadgets such as PS3, spending hundreds of dollars in the process. Nothing wrong with playing games, but i just cant seem to find myself doing that anymore. If i play 2-3 hours a day, thats about 60-90 hours a month, 720-1080 hours a year! That’s a crazy amount of committment to get into, all in the name of relaxing? However i am very much tempted, like the talk about the latest fifa 2012, and i have made a promise (and boasts about to ppl) that if PS3 ever re-make final fantasy 7, i will not flinch to line up xx hours to get the game, and a PS3.

I am very much pumped up yesterday when i was surfing at redballoon.com.au. There are just so many things i want to do! Hot air balloning, sky diving.. and CAMPING! Rent a 4WD, pack my tent and equipment, and drive a couple of hours out of the city into the woods by a lake. I have everything visualize on my mind. Day One friday, reach campsite at 7pm, find a nice spot, set up camp, cook a steak dinner using portable stove, kick back with a beer and watch the stars at night, starry starry night. Day two Saturday, wake up and exercise! Go for a job by the lake, for a bush walk, or even canoeing if i can grab hold of one! Follow by breakfast, some good ol toast and bacon. The last activity and the one that excites me the most is fishing! I think i will have more than one fishing rod in my life. Just the thought of sitting for hours by a lake or river puts me at ease, and the thrill of catching, gutting and bbq my own fish for lunch!! That will be an awesome experience worth re-living again and again!! Finally, pack and go home when the sun sets.

It’s actualy not a far away goal, though i have to deal with the fact that i will probably end up spending way more than a PS3. Since i am not married yet i will have to drag a couple of good mates to go, watching Anna going through the whole experience is pretty amusing too actually. For now, my best relaxation remedy is to sit down with a nice cup of cuppa or to visit the art gallery! http://www.ngv.vic.gov.au/

Been thinking again and again about life’s decisions for the past two weeks. At times very intense, i got up this morning at 7 am, armed with a paper and pen and started to draw lines and make notes on my considerations. Looping None by Jesus at the background, i was reminded by a dream that a brisbane friend shared to Anna and myself late last year. Three of us were chatting about making life’s decisions and we come to a conclusion about putting the Kingdom of God first, make the better decisions for His Kingdom instead of what seems right and good for us.

That means to wait upon Him.

I was listening to Nicole Conner’s sermon on Grow on itunes and i have to say City life’s speakers are really intellectual in delivering their sermons, maybe its because of the subject at hand but i am deeply impressed, God bless them! Nicole spoke about a stage of our christian walk when we will be stucked and helpless;after knowing Christ and growing for a period of time, due to life’s circumstances our spiritual lives can be stagnant and God seemed far away. A time when we re-think the fundamentals of our understanding of God, its not that we are lacking in faith like that of new believers, but a stage when we examined the authenticity of our faith. It can be a period of dryness, a period of darkness, possibly close to the edge of depression. A choice to move forward without knowing the answers, or to give up and walk away.Check it out on itunes.

I am thinking what it means to hear from God, what it means to be following God’s will. I was packing church materials that accompanied me a decade ago when i was in Singapore, i looked at the notes and the planning that i made on notebooks, i found myself asking the same question,”really?how far have i come?” Instinctively i comforted myself by saying that the fact that i am still serving God after ten years of my life, as a committed leader of His church, i must have done pretty good for many have forsaken the path. Sadly, the truth is that deep inside i suspect i have not grown much, i reached the stage mentioned above for a long time, far too long for myself to remember when it first happened. Though i am more certain of my convictions than i was ten years ago, i do not feel myself closer to God than i was before. It worries me because i am faced with life’s choices, when i am placed in situations where there are high prices that i have to pay should i fail to make the right choices. Seriously? Is this the lamentations of a virgin who ran out of oil? Thomas Merton’s prayer seems to summarize things up well.

“MY LORD GOD, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.”     – Thomas Merton

“Success is hearing the word of God and obeying it”

John Jacks spoke these prophetic words over me on Wednesday night. Deep in my spirit I realized I truly struggled with these, almost to the point of feeling disappointed.

Seriously, why success is not earning a million dollars by 30, have a big house fancy car and two dogs? why is it not operating my own full time business? why is success so boring!

Sounds like parable of rich young man but the sad thing is I am not even rich yet.

Ahhh, God. Will you grant the desires of my heart in my lifetime? Will you surely add to my household when I put the Kingdom of God? Will you lead me to a place of abundance? Surely I am one ungrateful sinner.

It’s so different now as compare to my dad’s era.

I think last time if I have a great product, I find a supplier and clients, I have a business.

Now, in this time of information age, it is so hard to break into a market, esp when I have no niche skill or knowledge.

Knock knock knock and knock, feeling the soreness tonight.

lust, love

sloth, discipline

pride, humility

despair, diligence

daily choices that determine the health of one’s soul.

Order listed in priority:

1)Lodge My PR

2)Full-time Job

3)Start Business

4)Get Married (Touch Down!!)

Deeply grateful to God for helping me in overcoming the odds, especially in times when i am weak. What a great first half of the year i had!

Thursday night..

Thursday night..

Thursday night..