Lily Emmaline Fox
27 July 2021
11:26 pm
6 lbs 2 oz
20 inches

Lily turned six months old today, and I am finally writing her birth story. For quite a while I had a lot of guilt about that. With all of my other children, I wrote their birth stories within a week of their births. I tried to do it as soon as I could so that the telling was fresh and I didn't forget details.  But I couldn't seem to bring myself to do it this time. Although there was so much that was wonderful and good about Lily's birth, I found that for me there was a lot of deep emotion connected to it that I didn't really understand, and that was difficult for me. Additionally, after her birth, in some ways it felt like my world was falling apart. We had floods and hailstorms, pressing business difficulties, and challenging behavioral issues at home, among other things. Even a couple months later when I felt like I didn't have any excuses any more because Terral had uploaded the pictures to the computer and things had settled down somewhat, I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I sat at the computer and looked at the pictures. . . and just felt like I was drowning in emotion. I'm not sure I can even describe what the emotions were, exactly, except to say that it was hard and it made me cry. But I feel more free now, and able to sit down and record what happened. So although I have never begun a birth story in this way, I have come to terms with letting it be what it is. Although there are of course similarities between my children, and between their birth stories, they are each of them unique. And Lily was born at a unique time that is at once both wonderful and terrible, and the beginning of her life is a bit of a reflection of that for me. We have had her in our arms for six months now, and I think it is safe to say that you would be hard pressed to find another baby who is loved more than she is! She brings us so much joy, and I see it bloom in the people around us whenever they see her. I like to say that she has a lot of sunshine to share. We feel very blessed to have her in our family. And so, without further ado, here is her story. 

After a very dry year, to our relief, the rainy season had begun. On Monday July 19th, I decided  to take advantage of the clear skies and wet soil and do some weeding in our orchard area, which we had planted in the spring. Because of the rains, a veritable forest of weeds had sprung up. Many of them were large kosha/tumble weeds. The children and I got quite a bit done while Terral was at work. I tried to be mindful of how I was bending, etc. but by the end of it I was not in a good place physically or emotionally. One of my children had sorely tested my patience and I hurt inside and out. 

I had had Braxton Hicks, or whatever you want to call them quite a bit during this pregnancy, and it was not at all unusual for me to feel contractions throughout the day. That evening, however, I couldn't deny that I was in labor, and oh how I did not want to be! As I mentioned before, I was not in a good place emotionally. I already felt drained in my mind, body, and spirit, and I just did not feel like I had it in me. And I did not want my baby to come while I felt discord in my family. Besides all of that, I HURT. I wondered if something was out of alignment, or maybe it was just from the work that I had done. I was very discouraged when I realized how quickly this labor seemed to be progressing. The contractions were coming fairly close together, and I had to stop what I was doing to breathe through them. I had been trying to change the sheets on our bed after Terral got home, and I wasn't able to do that. Usually that sort of inability to do things would only be near transition for me. Also, it was very strange because the baby was terribly active. She was kicking all over the place. I don't recall ever feeling my babies kick like that during labor. I got the feeling that she really didn't like what was happening. She wasn't ready for this, and I wasn't either. I texted my midwife at 11:24 that night. "Just wanted to let you know I feel. . . different. I've been having more frequent contractions this evening. Haven't been timing, but I think I will. Baby's been very active and I feel like she is lower. Really hoping this is not the beginning, but I felt like I should give you a heads up."  Because all of my previous babies had come about a week before their due dates, the timing was not surprising. And yet, I was not ready. I just kept thinking, "I don't want to do this right now." Going into labor hard and fast when I was already so depleted, and laboring through the night just was such a daunting prospect. When I tried to describe the experience to my mother the next day, she laughed at me (not maliciously). I think she said something along the lines of, "As if you have a choice!" And yet, part of me did feel as if I had a choice. I asked Terral to give me a blessing. After he did so, I laid down to try to get some rest. Amazingly, I slept. 

The next morning I made an appointment with my midwife, and with my friend Ivie who is a massage therapist. I felt like the baby was much lower, and the midwife confirmed this at our appointment. She could no longer feel the head through my belly because it was hiding within my pelvic bones. She told me she would be surprised if I went another twenty four hours without giving birth. After the appointment with her (or was it before?) I had my second prenatal massage. Both were during the month of July. (Sidenote: I had never had a prenatal massage before this pregnancy. Having two within the space of a month was so great! Highly recommend. It was so helpful!)

At some point, I also called my sister Sarah. My mom, who usually comes when I have a baby, had recently recovered from a difficult bout with covid. Although she was cleared to be around other people, she did not feel up to coming yet. Because of that, Sarah had offered to come in her place. We discussed the possibility of her coming. She was willing, but needed to make some arrangements for her family if she was going to come down. I wasn't in active labor anymore, but all signs indicated it would be soon. She decided to come the next day (Wednesday). 

The next few days were filled with activity, but baby did not come. She ascended back into her former position. Sarah made herself extremely useful while she was here, though. She had picked up some bookshelves from Ikea for us on her way down, and she spent pretty much an entire day putting them together for us. She cleaned out my fridge, took my kids to a birthday party, and helped in a myriad of other ways. Although she had to go home on Saturday and left before the baby came, she definitely helped me to feel more ready with all she did in assisting to put my house in order. 

Malachi Peter

10 May 2018

5:26 PM

6 lbs 9.6 oz

21″

I’m going to start Malachi’s story a few days before the birth, on Monday. Actually, I’m going to back up even farther than that. We took an amazing trip to San Diego in April, which is several stories in its own right, but the pertinent information is that on the 8th (a couple days before we were to come home), I started having regular contractions in our hotel room.  They weren’t strong, but I just felt yucky, and for a while they were roughly 2 minutes apart. I wasn’t very nervous about it until I saw how nervous Terral was, and then I started thinking “what if’s”. Terral was able to give me a blessing, though, and all ended well. I continued having Braxton Hicks the rest of the pregnancy, but they never got regular again.

Back to the aforementioned Monday–we had our last day of Commonwealth school. There was a training and a closing social coming up, but I felt like I wouldn’t make it to either of those. (I didn’t.) When we got home that afternoon, I was surprised to find that in spite of a very poor night’s sleep, I had a decent amount of energy.  I decided to mow our lawn/yard. It’s really rather a large undertaking that I was going to let Terral do, but he had been very occupied with a sprinkler project among other things, and I knew he was rather overwhelmed. The foxtail grass was driving me crazy, so I decided to just take care of it. I was able to do more than I thought I would, and it felt great to have that taken care of. My sweet neighbor sent me a text in which she said “I mowed the lawn to start labor once. You go girl. We are always here if needed.” Well, I did not go into labor that night, but the pain I’d been grappling with off and on during pregnancy (likely sciatica) increased severely, and I couldn’t hardly walk. As a result, the next day I scheduled an appointment with the chiropractor.

I think I spent Tuesday cleaning up my room, washing baby clothes, and just generally nesting. Wednesday for some reason I was quite depressed and frustrated with kids, and I really did not want to go into labor that day because of my bad mood. Fortunately, I felt much better the next day.

Thursday morning, I awoke with a couple of strong contractions at about 5:30 or 6:00. I knew it marked the beginning, but of course you never know how long the process will be. After a bit, I knew I wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep, so I decided to get up rather earlier than I usually do. I had breakfast, did some dishes and laundry, and did some weeding out in the orchard area. (For the record, I am not usually that productive in the morning.) Then I came back in to take a shower before taking the kids to the last meeting of their ABC Cooking class that my friend taught this year. The contractions were about 10 min apart for maybe an hour, but then they became more sporadic. Terral was working from home that morning, so I brought the kids home before leaving for my 11:30 appointment. I texted my midwife before I left to let her know I’d been having stronger contractions. It was rather interesting, because with my other births, labor started out at a fairly low/just uncomfortable level, but this labor started out at a strong level and just stayed that way until increasing near the end.

Getting out of the car at the chiropractor’s triggered another strong contraction, but I was a little late, so I just hurried in to the reception counter. The receptionist asked how I was feeling, and instead of explaining that I was contracting, I just said “Pregnant.” I don’t recall having contractions during my appointment. During the adjustment, the chiropractor and I discussed my pregnancy, my birth plans, and how things were going. He said, “Let’s see how far along you are,” and showed me how he has learned to check for dilation on a certain spot on the foot. Terral and I took a footzoning class together in January, and it was interesting to me that the spot he was checking fit anatomically with what we had learned in the class. The chiropractor told me that he has often checked pregnant patients in this way, and then they will go in to their doctor to be checked, and he is usually within half a centimeter. He said that I wasn’t very dilated, but that it felt really soft, like it could go very quickly. I responded that that sounded about right.

After my appointment, I did a some shopping. I really wanted to get new sheets for my bed because we only had one set that fits, and it is white. I spent longer than I had intended, probably because I didn’t have kids with me and could actually weigh my options without worrying about waning attention. Also, I was still in major nesting mode, and I really wanted to get some storage containers for a few problem areas in my house. I also got some labor snacks and drinks, as well as some groceries and other things we needed. There was a nice lady in WalMart who told me I had a cute haircut. It made me smile inside and out. :)

I realized that the contractions had been happening frequently and regularly enough that I ought to start timing them again. I really like using an app for that. In hind sight, I probably should have asked Terral to do some of the day-of preparations while I was still gone. At least I  was better prepared with the other things than I have been in the past.

At two o’clock, I was in the checkout line, when I suddenly remembered that I was supposed to be giving my friend and neighbor a footzone. I texted her to apologize, and she said not to worry about it. I told her I thought baby would be here before we would get another chance.

I finally made it home, and Terral left to get some things done at the workshop. He was supposed to meet with someone at 4:30, and then he planned on coming home right after that. I thought there would be time for that.

The kids asked for some grapefruit when they saw that I had bought some, so I cut up enough for us all to have some. At about three o’clock, I let my midwife know the contractions were about ten minutes apart. She asked if it felt like this was active labor, and I answered “I think so.” Yes, Mary. The answer is yes. I tend to err my thinking on the side of things taking longer. I’m learning (after four babies!) that I need to go more by strength of contraction than frequency.  Christy (my midwife) answered that she was at her son’s end of year performance. She said it would be over in about twenty minutes and to let her know when contractions were closer and she needed to head up from Hurricane. “We’ve got time,” I reply.

I called my mom, who was in Kanab, to let her know that I was in labor. She was very surprised! And she was at first uncertain what to do because she was supposed to be helping with kids over the next two days as my brother and his wife were moving. But things were worked out, and she started on her way at about four o’clock.

I also called my friend Ashley. We had talked the week before about the possibility of her coming to take pictures at the birth, but it was never decided, partly because it would be difficult if her husband was out of town on a work trip. So I called to see if she thought she could come. Fortunately for me, she did come. :)

I texted Christy at 3:44 to say that the contractions were under seven minutes. At 3:51 I asked her to come up, and she said she’d be on her way.

I went upstairs to get some more preparations done. I realized it had gotten difficult for me to do things. I just wanted to lay down and concentrate. I called Terral, apologized for not giving him much time at the workshop, and told him I needed him to come home.

The kids could hardly believe it when I told them their baby brother was coming today! About two weeks prior, Esther had suddenly gotten a lot more excited about the baby coming. She had been happy about it before, but now she would often just hug me, hug my belly, and tell me how much she loved him and how she was so excited that he would be coming soon! Ethan and Esther were so helpful and willing to do whatever we asked them!

When Terral got home, they started helping him set up the birth pool. I had thought it would be nice to try, since my midwife had one, but I had always been doubtful I would actually use it. I had told myself that we would start setting it up as soon as I knew I was in labor, but I hadn’t counted on being away from home for most of the labor.

Ashley arrived shortly after Terral. She was able to take some great pictures, and she was also just helpful in general!

As Terral was working on getting the pool ready and hooking up the hose, I told him I wasn’t sure there would be time to set it up. I asked him to stop working on the pool for a bit so he could clean the bathroom first. I apologetically asked Ashely if she would help him, which she willingly did.

Christy’s assistant, Kayce, lives in Cedar City. Christy had told me that if she needed to, she could send Kayce while en route. At 4:51, I asked her to send Kayce since she wasn’t here yet, but they were both at the freeway exit already.

Because the kids had been playing in the dirt outside, I asked Ethan and Esther to go take a shower, which they did very willingly and quickly.

When Christy and Kayce came in they asked if I wanted them to finish setting up the pool. I told them yes. I had started listening to my hypnobabies CD not long before, but as with Esther’s birth, I found it rather ineffective. I’m sure this was due in large part to my waiting too long on both occasions, but this time it was also because it was hard to hear with the air pump going. I asked Ashley to turn it off.

I should mention that Kayce was so great with the kids. She helped Christy with what was needed, and then she had the kids help her with a job. I found out later she took them to make some “pad-cicles” for me. She had quickly developed a good relationship with them, and she channeled their energy well so that their presence was helpful and not hindering. Both Kayce and Christy were very calm and capable.

I was laboring on the bed. Since I had been so warm lately with the warmer weather, I had thought to use the same dress for laboring that I had last time, but I was feeling rather cold, and so I dressed warmer. I even wore wool socks! It’s hard to relax when you feel cold, and tight muscles = more pain. I asked Terral to heat up the rice bags, and I used them for a little while on my lower abdomen and back. They helped.

It was probably about 5:15 when I had a contraction even stronger than the previous ones. I really felt myself open up, and I thought, “I could be pushing right now!”

I told Christy, and she said, “Okay, let me check the baby real quick!” I had another contration while she searched for the baby’s heartbeat. She seemed surprised to find it so low.

She asked what I wanted her to do since the pool was not filled up. Did I want her to prep the bed, or fill the tub? I answered that I didn’t know. It felt too hard to be making a decision at that point, and I kind of felt like there wasn’t enough time for either option. Of course, I couldn’t have the baby on my un-prepped bed while fully clothed, so I made myself decide. I really didn’t want to have give birth on my bed, so I asked her to fill the tub. Terral helped me change into my suit and I made my way into the bathroom.

I sat on the toilet before getting into the tub and had another contraction. I had to really hold back so he wouldn’t be born in the toilet! I squeezed Terral’s hand to make it through.

He said, “Yup, she’s close! She’s squeezing my hand really hard!” My water broke, and I told the midwife. Kayce noted the time as 5:24. Christy said, “On the way over here I thought, ‘Wouldn’t it be funny if she had the baby at 5:24 since that was her due date?'”

The contraction subsided, and I quickly got in the tub. One more contraction, and I let myself push. I squeezed Terral’s hand again, and said, “Terral!” He turned to me and said, “Yes?” “Baby!” He looked and said, “Yup, there he is!”

I didn’t know this until a couple days later, but Terral said Malachi’s cord was around his neck, and he just quickly slipped it over his head.

And then my baby was in my arms. He was born at 5:26.

He had SO much vernix on his back. It was like butter!

He cried right at first, and then it took a while for him to really get breathing well and pink up. I had been rubbing his back, but then Christy had me put him face down and she helped me rub more vigorously, and she also rubbed his feet.

It was such a relief when he really started to cry!

This was the most wonderful part of the birth for me. There I was, sitting in the warm tub, holding my baby, and I had absolutely NO contractions. I felt incredibly normal. It was amazing!

Eliza’s pregnancy and and birth were quite difficult in a lot of ways. Because I waited for the pushing sensation that never came (we think because she was so small), the contractions I had with her went to a level I would really rather never experience again. And they continued hard and fast even after she was born and the placenta delivered. Whenever I told anyone about it, they always said, “I’m sorry, but it just gets harder with every birth.” I refused to believe it. In thinking back on my first three children’s births, the most positive experience I’d had was Esther’s birth. In realizing this, I thought that one of the likely reasons was that I had prepared using Hypnobabies. During this most recent pregnancy, I had started to fall into depression again and had some warning signs of nerve damage like I had during Eliza’s pregnancy. I took the warning to heart and made adjustments. I developed a picture of what this labor would be like, and I had very positive expectations. I didn’t use my hypnobabies very frequently, but I did use it. I know there are sometimes things we can’t control, but this whole birth, including the timing of it, really showed me that my thoughts are so powerful! I am really grateful to my Heavenly Father for this experience, and all of the prior lessons that led to it.

At some point, someone mentioned the placenta, and I started thinking about how I would need to start contracting again to deliver it. After a few more minutes, I felt a couple contractions that were fairly mild, and I pushed the placenta into my hand at 5:40. I had never delivered the placenta in the water before, or so soon afterward. Perhaps I should have waited for some stronger contractions. The placenta was in the fairly intact amniotic sac, and some of the membranes didn’t come out all the way. We decided to cut the cord so Terral could hold the baby while Christy helped me with the placenta.

I kept trying to push, but I was again without contractions, and it was ineffective. Christy said she thought the membranes were probably in the vaginal canal and so pushing wouldn’t do any good. She had me squat, which I was able to do easily, and she tried twisting the placenta/membranes so that they wouldn’t tear. Unfortunately, they tore anyway. The good news was that the placenta was whole, although it was rather friable. Christy also said the cord was not fully inserted into the placenta. She discussed a couple different options with me, and I asked her what the risk was. She said it could provide a place for infection. After weighing the options, I decided to just wait and watch out for signs of infection. I thought they came out later that evening, but the rest really came three days later.

When it was time for me to get dressed and move to the bed, I had started feeling sort of light headed and shaky, so I had help getting situated. In some ways, recovery has been much the same as the other births. I did have hard contractions again once Malachi started nursing. But I didn’t hardly tear (Christy described it sort of like a paper cut), and things have gone back to normal much faster than usual in that respect.

The kids are so in love with their new baby brother! Really, they loved him before he was born. I told Terral several times during the pregnancy that I was glad this baby could be so loved even before he got here.

He was super chill the whole time Christy was checking him out, and even while she inked his feet. That really surprised her because most babies really do not like that part.

I tried to nurse Malachi, but he was too sleepy. I remembered that Ethan had been that way too, and Christy and Kayce both said that in their experience boys are often slow to nurse. He didn’t start nursing until 11:00 that night, but he has done well with it since.

It feels so good to have him on this side! He is so sweet, and we all love him very much!

My sister Lisa handed down a Cars 2 activity book to us. It has a bunch of little cars and a play mat, and I knew Ethan would love it, so I planned on giving it to him for his birthday. Well, Christmas morning he opened up a brand new version of the same thing from his Great Grandma Hunt. He plays with them all them all the time! I wasn’t quite sure what to do with our extra version, so it has been hanging out in storage. Well, the past couple of days Ethan has been rather distraught that he can’t find Holly Shiftwell. I had him take off the couch cushions today and look under the couch to no avail. Well, I finally decided to go get the “back up” that he could play with until I found the newer one. Of course, forty seconds after I give him the back up, he says,”They’re the same Holly Shiftwell!” He found her under the couch. And now I’m afraid I can’t sneak the other Holly away because he’s so enamored by the fact that there are two. . . In his view there can never be too many cars. I’m afraid I don’t quite share that view. :)

Today I am very grateful for the miracles of love, answered prayers, and feeling whole.