Three If by Broomstick, Chapter 25

I requested, “Don’t give me that look!” As Darcy and I settled down by the river, my cat gazed at me quizzically. I explained to him, “I know I tossed it into the laundry pile, but I don’t really want to clean it with everything else! Who knows what this thing can do…” I pulled the purple cloth that was draped over Brom Sandeson’s strange jar, and I felt uneasy even having it in my possession. I had no clue if it was possible for an ordinary object to contain any curses, but I couldn’t get rid of it and risk angering the magic within it! It got soiled in my custody, so I felt like it was my duty to cleanse it…

It took me a while to notice that Cornelius was close by staring at me! He gathered his muddy boots and claimed, “I like them better this way- they have more character!” As he passed me, he peered at me peculiarly. “How is the Round House treating you? Anything transpire there?”

“Nothing unusual, no!” I swiftly hid the cloth behind my back as if it would give away all of the supernatural secrets I was harboring.

“Right then… Well, sorry to interrupt!” His eyes darted between Darcy and me prior to him rushing off.

That interaction flustered me a bit, but I was quite used to the denizens of this town deeming me as eccentric, so I let it go. I brought out my lye soap and ash, and I dunked the purple cloth into the water. “At least this shouldn’t take long!” I reassured myself. When I pulled the cloth out, I noticed some underlying stains, and I frowned. “Well, I did say it shouldn’t take long!” I sprinkled some ash on the stains, but it wasn’t coming out. I used a nearby rock to scrub it, but the stains still wouldn’t budge. I began to grow more and more frustrated, and I scoured it harder and harder until…

It tore nearly in half! My face paled, and I groaned, “Oh no! If its paranormal properties weren’t happy with feline urine, then they definitely won’t be pleased with this! What am I going to do?” Darcy stared blankly at me, and I sighed, “Well, I suppose I better see if Missus Dimmesdale returned and reopened her haberdashery!”

“Oh, look who it is!” the young woman who was once afflicted with scales on her foot conveyed to her two friends outside of Stylish Stitches.

“Who is it?” Her blonde friend glimpsed at me in confusion.

The young woman regarded her, “Seraphina, what other woman has the entire city been talking about?”

Seraphina guessed, “Uh… Me because I’m so beautiful?”

“Why are we nice to her, Fredwina?” the brunette friend queried to the young redhead.

“Oh, like you know, Maribel!” Seraphina scoffed.

Maribel proudly stated, “Of course! It’s me because I’m so beautiful! That’s what my husband says anyway…”

Fredwina clicked her tongue in annoyance. “You’re both dense! That’s the woman who always seems to have magic following her! The gray scales on my foot were just the beginning!”

“Oh, her!” Maribel recalled. “She seems so nice though! It’s hard to believe she’s capable of such a thing!”

“She can’t be that normal- who would choose to live in that hideous Round House?” Seraphina wondered.

Fredwina tacked onto that, “I also heard she’s a writer!”

Maribel bristled at that, “She’s into books? Gross! No wonder she isn’t married!”

“She walks around the streets sassing everyone and getting into mischief in all these different places! She’s so odd!” Seraphina commented.

“Yes, she… She’s been listening to our conversation this whole time, hasn’t she?” Fredwina surmised based on my expression.

I retorted, “Yes, I’m odd, not deaf!” The trio looked as though they got smacked in the face, and they were apparently too dumbstruck by their own actions to make another move. I nearly responded to their unjust criticisms, especially the one about books, but I saw the shadow of a broomstick flying in the air behind them, and I knew I didn’t have much time, so I simply conveyed to them, “I’m going to take the high road on this one!” Preceding them being able to react, I ran inside.

When I entered the haberdashery, I was surprised how neat and tidy the vast array of sewing supplies were- with the amount of chickens and geese wandering around her yard previously, I predicted encountering the same sort of experience in the interior! I didn’t see Missus Dimmesdale anywhere, so I began to browse her wares. I discreetly pulled out the purple cloth next to the thread, and since I didn’t see any purple, I weighed my options, “Hmm… Indigo may work! Gold may be a classy choice too, but do I want to spend so much on something destined to lie beneath my floorboards?”

“Welcome to Stylish Stitches! I-!” Missus Dimmesdale cut off her own sentence when she realized who had visited her store. “Oh! Could you kindly remove yourself from my property!”

“Oh, come on! I’m not here to do any magic!” I appealed to her. I fully recognized that Naenia was somewhere in the vicinity, but I was growing irritated with the association everyone made between me and the occult.

Missus Dimmesdale assured me, “I don’t care about that!”

I stared at her in shock. “You don’t?”

“Of course not! You’re friends with Aldrich, and if I knew you were coming, I would’ve released my birds!” Missus Dimmesdale verbalized.

“Friends? With Aldrich? Do I look like someone who frequents Harvest Town Tavern?” I reacted to her absurd assertion.

Missus Dimmesdale quizzed me, “Then why is he so nice to you?”

I shrugged. “He called me weird- perhaps he likes me because I amuse him.” Missus Dimmesdale seemed to buy that argument, which was a relief, but after I heard Naenia’s cackle, I hardly felt at ease. Prior to that pestilent old crone wreaking her havoc, I quickly pressed Missus Dimmesdale, “I’m not interested in your taxes, just your information! ….Well, that and your threads. But first, information… What happened with Annabel and Megyn?”

“Oh, that! That is a sordid story!” Missus Dimmesdale chirped. I sincerely hoped she’d get straight to the point, and I braced myself to finally get some much-needed facts about the traitor who hired that wearisome witch. Missus Dimmesdale regaled me, “Well, sometime before my trip to the shore to purchase more goods for my shelves, I saw them emerge from the forest in just their petticoats! Their hair was a mess, and they appeared exhausted as if they had physically exerted themselves. They claimed they woke up in the woods after a night of inebriation, but then two local men also emerged. They were laughing at the women, and I had to know why! Well, after a while, they confessed that they believed those men were British soldiers who could only be swayed to switch sides if they had the love of American women! Annabel and Megyn fell for it! My goodness! Isn’t that simply scandalous?” She espied the profoundly disappointed expression I now bore, and she inquired, “What’s wrong? You don’t feel sorry for them, do you?”

“No, of course not!” I honestly replied. Then I not-so-honestly told her, “I just… can’t believe they left their dresses in their trysting spot! What a waste of good fabric!”

Missus Dimmesdale peered at what was in my hands and brought up, “Speaking of fabric, what’s this?”

I cringed as I regretted not stowing it away immediately upon her arrival. I hastily fibbed, “Oh, my late husband, Thorn, gave it to me after one of his trips overseas.”

“Really? Where did he get anything purple? It’s so rare!” Missus Dimmesdale catechized.

“Oh, he got it from…” I glanced around the room in an effort to locate something that may have given me a hint about where that dye may have originated from, and I frowned when I didn’t pinpoint anything helpful. Textiles were a part of her stock-in-trade, and if I guessed incorrectly, she would have known immediately that I was lying! I couldn’t share an outlandish secret like this with a zealous gossip, but I wasn’t certain what else to tell her…

Seraphina suddenly burst into the store and pleaded with me, “Clarinda, you’ve got to help us! Something frightening happened!”

I exhaled in alleviation, and I think Missus Dimmesdale caught a glimpse of that, so I swiftly donned a more serious look. “What’s the matter?”

“It’s Fredwina!” Seraphina relayed to me.

“No, I’m Maribel!” Maribel corrected Seraphina. Seraphina glared at Maribel, but Maribel shifted the focus by notifying me, “Fredwina… She… Well, she’s….”

In that instance, Fredwina entered into the building, but she moved in a very peculiar fashion. Her movement suggested she was running at top speed, but she walked in the slowest possible speed. “Hhheeelllppp… mmmeee!” Fredwina gradually urged me.

Seraphina reported, “We don’t know what happened! One minute, everything was normal, and the next thing we knew, ssshhheee wwwaaasss ssslllooowww!” When she realized she could no longer control her quickness, she fretted, “Ooohhh nnnooo!”

“I’m going to dash over to Doctor Crane before it happens to me!” Missus Dimmesdale declared. She made it to the door, and she seemed somewhat befuddled. “Uh! I’m kind of surprised it didn’t take me too!” She reached for the knob, and she found herself moving at a snail’s pace. “Iii ssspppooookkeee tattoo sssoooooonnn!”

“My goodness! It’s lucky none of us were in labor when this hex showed up!” Maribel commented.

I briefed Maribel, “Something around here remedies the issue; it always does! If we keep trying different things, we can save them!”

Maribel nodded, “Okay, I’ll try!” She grabbed a thimble and threw it at Fredwina. “Did it work?”

“Ooowww!” Fredwina lethargically winced.

“Well? Did it?” Maribel demanded.

I instructed Maribel, “Keep trying until they act normally!”

Maribel torpidly complied, “Aaalllrrriiiggghhhttt!”

After I recognized that she had succumbed to the jinx as well, I sighed and grabbed as many objects as I could. I waved buttons, ribbons, buckles, and various cloths at them, but nothing caused them to hasten their steps. I bit my lip trying to find something else that might work, and unexpectedly, Archibald came in through a side door! He hobbled in a tortoise-like way, and I moaned, “Oh no! It got you too!”

“What got me?” Archibald stared at me questioningly. “I couldn’t use the front entrance, so I…. What’s going on?”

“Do me a favor and go look for an evil shabbaroan outside!” I ushered him towards the exit. “She’s wearing purple and is probably over a hundred years old…”

Archibald lit up at that notion. “Really? Is she married?”

I shuddered at the picture that painted! While I was grimacing, my eyes happened to spot some greenery behind the counter. When I retrieved it, I observed that it was in a bag with the words “Bird Food” stitched on the canvas. “Hmm… This may work!” I dashed over to the four ladies under the incantation, and I shoved an entire stalk of licorice root into Missus Dimmesdale’s mouth, hoping for the best…

“Bleck! I resent the insinuation that this brings!” Missus Dimmesdale pouted. When she saw that she had returned to her usual status, she celebrated, “Oh, thank goodness! For a moment, I feared I wouldn’t ever be fast enough to elude the tax collectors again!”

“I feel like such a silly goose!” Seraphina remarked as she munched on the remainder of her plant.

Maribel conversed, “I forgot why we originally visited here now!”

Fredwina approached me with a grateful smile. “We appreciate your help, but I hope you’ll understand if we flee before anything else occurs!”

“That’s fair!” I acknowledged as the trio left.

“So… Where’s this buxom beauty?” Archibald inquired. I didn’t reply as I watched Naenia’s shadow angrily fly off.

Three If by Broomstick, Chapter 24

“Order! Order!” Aldrich commanded as the entire meeting room erupted into chatter. Well, I wasn’t talking to anyone, but that hardly mattered with the multitude of cacophony around me. Aldrich shouted louder, “Order! Order!” No one listened, and Aldrich began to grow visibly frustrated. Eventually, he gave up what little patience was left and bellowed, “Order means shut up!” Everyone fell silent at the shock of his language, and Aldrich took this opportunity to remind them all, “When I said we could gather to discuss the recent upset in Lynnbrook, I didn’t mean you should all do it at once! Now, one at a time, how can the city help you?”

Archibald stood up and stated, “The town is plagued with witchcraft!”

Aldrich rolled his eyes at this notion. “We’ve been over this! You always blame witchcraft, but it’s never witchcraft!”

“Um, actually, this time it is!” Ronald differed.

“Seriously?” Aldrich balked at that revelation. “I know we have had some odd events occur recently, but I’m sure there is a rational explanation for what’s going on!”

Arthurus contended, “The walls of my store moved and boxed us in! They nearly crushed us to death!”

Aldrich considered this point he raised. “That is strange! But… There has to be some sort of rationale for this behavior! I mean, you’ve seen some curious things, but have any of you seen a real witch?” Prynne raised her hand, and Aldrich took off his glasses and covered his eyes in aggravation. “Perhaps you all suffered a collective hallucination! That’s been known to happen! What do you think, Doctor Crane?” Doctor Crane didn’t respond, so he tried again, “Doctor Crane?” No one responded still, so Aldrich vociferated, “Leonard! Will you answer my question already?”

“I’m sorry I’m late!” Doctor Crane ran in while he was putting on his suit jacket. His shirt was slightly untucked, and his hair was fairly tousled, which was unusual for him. He made no excuses for his disheveled appearance, but he didn’t have to…

“Were you tending to a patient?” Aldrich asked him.

Doctor Crane made a face like he was acting deceptively. “Yes! Absolutely! All night long… Now, what question did you have for me?”

If it had been me,  I would have dropped my original question completely and interrogated him about his peculiar behavior, but apparently, Aldrich didn’t find anything out of the ordinary about his activity, so he pressed him, “Can people have a collective hallucination?”

“Hmm…” Doctor Crane took a moment to contemplate that premise. “Well, there have been times when environmental factors have caused an extensive number of sufferers to see illusions. For example, many of the Puritans in the late seventeenth century saw bizarre visions after they consumed moldy bread.”

“We were fed what now?” Archibald reacted in shock.

Aldrich catechized, “So, theoretically, a bunch of people could all see the same fantasy at once?”

Doctor Crane denied that, “Oh, no! The odds of two victims of the same substance having identical perceptions are extremely low.”

“Low? So, there is a chance then?” Aldrich surmised.

“I… Technically, I suppose…” Doctor Crane reluctantly agreed. “You would still have to have a common cause…”

Abigail stood up and spoke out, “I’ll tell you the common cause- it’s her!” Abigail pointed to me, and I was already in the middle of rolling my eyes at her theories when the attendees all turned to me. “She’s doing this to terrorize the town!”

Poppy shot back, “She’s the only one of us fighting back against the spells! Why would she create them and then immediately try to destroy them?”

“She… Well, I don’t know!” Abigail realized how that sounded, so she came up with another argument to sell her case, “Well, nothing odd like that ever occurred until she moved here!”

“That’s not true,” Louise disputed. “Brom Sanderson got spooked by something months before Clarinda got here!”

Lisa added,” Yes, he stopped enforcing the law and went around the area looking for strange ingredients!”

John put in, “Don’t you remember, darling? He came into our store asking about rusty nails, and when I said I didn’t have any, he asked for regular nails and a bucket of water. That was rather quiz, don’t you think?”

“Not as quaint as a monster who makes a horrible noise and smell!” Abigail snapped. “Nothing that unusual occurred until that heathen arrived!”

“I wouldn’t say that,” Poppy contended. “One time, he invited me inside of his house, and I was hoping he wanted to do something wild, but instead, he had me-!”

Aldrich, with a disgusted face, cut her off, “That’s quite enough, Missus Nivens!” He switched his attention back to Abigail, and he petitioned her, “Didn’t I tell you to quit making accusations until you had proof?”

Abigail scoffed at this directive, “Mayor Walker, don’t tell me you believe Clarinda!”

“I believe… I’ll have a drink!” Aldrich emitted an exasperated exhale. “Does anyone have any ideas on how to fight back against this otherworldly weirdness?” No one raised their hands, so Aldrich concluded, “Well then, I suggest we keep letting Miss Dobbins combat this catastrophe until someone thinks of a better plan! Sound good?”

“No!” a man in the mix shouted.

Aldrich articulated, “Too bad! Meeting adjourned!” He banged his gavel and made a bid for the exit.

As the townsfolk dispersed, most of them shot dirty glances at me. I was grateful for the individuals who spoke out on my behalf, but it disappointed me that most of my neighbors still maintained that ridiculous opinion that I was responsible for the very force I was striving to stop. A part of me mused how it wouldn’t have been too bad if Naenia chased these numbskulls away from this land like she wanted, but I reminded myself that it would be abhorrent if the British acquired this territory, so I begrudgingly accepted that I would have to continue defending the blunderbusses who wouldn’t defend me.

“A little advice, honey…” Poppy sat next to me in my pew. “Don’t wait for Father Halliwell to enter into the church to woo him- it’s a holy place, and the Lord looks down on that! It’s better to go outside for that sort of endeavor!”

“I wasn’t going… You know what? That wouldn’t even be the worst rumor spread about me! Let’s go!” I grabbed her arm and let her escort me out.

As we walked across the square, I received a lot of distrustful stares. I decided to ignore them and canvassed Poppy for information, “So, now that it won’t be so sacrilegious, what exactly did Brom Sanderson want from you in the Round House?”

From the way she told that story, I anticipated something related to the paranormal, but if that saga really was salacious, I was prepared to endure it. I strove not to get my hopes up as she regaled me, “Oh, well, he gestured for me to come inside, and of course I obliged. I was giving him my best lines, but he wasn’t paying attention to any of it. He was down already, which I didn’t deem unusual until I noticed he kept his eyes on the fireplace. Most men will look over at me out of excitement or repulsion, but not him! Eventually, he interrupted me and wondered if I saw anyone outside of his house. I told him no, and he breathed a sigh of relief. I assumed we were good to go after that, but he simply thanked me and ushered me out of the house! Nothing dirty transpired, I don’t know why Aldrich wouldn’t let me share that anecdote!”

“He saw something that spooked him, obviously!” I deduced. “Was this shortly before he disappeared from Lynnbrook?”

“It was! Three days or so later, he left the city with just a suitcase!” Poppy recollected. “That’s why everyone believes he witnessed something from the occult- nothing else ever spooked him! Not even when that bandit got caught in the bear trap! There was blood everywhere! He was merely concerned with all of the extra paperwork it would cause! There was something wrong with him!”

I queried, “And yet you tried to seduce him?”

Poppy shrugged. “I think it’s just the nature of a constable- they can’t be all there to deal with gruesome crimes!”

“So say you!” I disagreed with the supposition that all of the men in that profession were numb to viewing horrific sights, but her implication that he had a spark of insanity within him intrigued me. Most of the time, a person who is deemed crazy is perfectly sane, but considering I found that eerie and disgusting jar in my floorboard, I wondered if her characterization of Brom Sanderson had any merit. “Did ever do any outlandish rituals in the Round House?” I inquired.

“My goodness! I don’t think so!” Poppy replied. “That bloke pretty much went there just to eat and sleep! The only instances I had ever seen him do anything other than that involved keeping the structure in tip-top shape. He inherited that property from his grandfather, so he felt duty–bound to preserve its history… Whatever that was! I forget the original purpose of that building…”

I enlightened her, “It was a watchtower.”

Poppy didn’t seem to find that fact very interesting. “Oh… Splendid!”

‘So, his family never did anything abnormal?” I pried.

“Not that I know of… Well, except for one thing…” Poppy remembered. I grew captivated by this development, and I crossed my fingers that I’d learn something relevant to my informal investigation. Poppy went on, “Brom took a vow of celibacy! Can you believe that? I thought surely he would break from that nonsense since it takes some of the fun out of life, but he swore he wouldn’t engage in anything that might distract him from his work! What a shame!”

My brows furrowed at this entire sequence. “If Brom Sanderson was as straightforward as they come, why was he targeted by this mystical entity?” 

Poppy gestured in a manner that suggested she possessed a lack of knowledge on that matter. “I have no inkling on that! Or why he would be too scared to ever return! Perhaps he left to get help and never found any?” We ceased our trek in front of my home, and she conveyed to me, “Well, it was nice chatting with you! I’m going to go to the tavern to see if any fellows loosened their standards!”

“Wait!” I called after her in a last-ditch effort to acquire answers about this whole debacle. “Did you hear what happened with Annabel and Megyn?”

“No! What?” Poppy’s eyes gleamed from the possibility of gaining good gossip.

I notified her, “No, I was actually asking you.”

Poppy’s face fell upon hearing that. “Oh, darn! Well, if you find out, let me know!”

“Of course!” I acquiesced as I bitterly regretted not following Missus Dimmesdale out of the millinery when she was last seen. As Poppy took off, I bade her, “Good luck with your conquest!”

“You’re welcome to join me,” Poppy offered.

Not wanting to hurt her feelings, I lied, “I’ll think about it!”

Once she was far enough in the distance, I went inside and collapsed on the couch. Darcy happily settled on my stomach, and I remarked, “It wasn’t a waste of a day! I needed this rest!” There was a knock on the door, and Darcy got frightened enough to leap off of my abdomen, which caused me to groan, “Oof! Why did I say anything about resting? I doomed myself!” When the visitor knocked again, I shouted, “I’m coming!” After I sat up, I glanced out of the living room window. Upon seeing who was standing there, I changed my tune, “No, I’m not!”

“Please, Clarinda!” a woman slightly older than me with bright red hair in a tight bun pleaded with me. “This is Petunia! You must remember me!”

“I do! That’s why I’m not opening the door!” I retorted.

Petunia appeared shocked by my refusal. “Oh, come on! I know we didn’t always get along…”

I shot back, “We never got along!”

“Yes, well, isn’t it time we made amends?” Petunia beseeched me. “I was a devoted servant to your family!”

“You were an employee of the Delaney family, and I’m a Dobbin again!” I corrected her. “Besides, your idea of devoted is evidently constantly calling me a sloppy pig!”

Petunia commented, “But I like pigs! They’re adorable!” She espied my expression, and she knew that I wasn’t buying that, so she deployed a new tactic, “Can’t you at least let me in to use the commode?”

I refused, “Not if you’re here to try to convince me to marry Mister Carrigan!” Petunia seemed startled to learn that I knew her little plot, and while I could tell that she wasn’t lying about needing to urinate, I had no inclination to assist her. “It feels like a vampire situation- if I let you in, you’ll do me harm! Ooh, a vampire would be a great character for my novel!”

As I rushed to jot down my stroke of inspiration, Petunia continued to loudly beg for my hospitality. She screamed and pounded on the door, but I ignored her as I did my writing. Eventually, August approached the scene and asked, “What’s going on? Clarinda, do you know this person?”

“No!” I fibbed.

“Clarinda!!!” Petunia shrieked while August removed her from the premises. I smirked at this spectacle, and I wished it were this easy to get rid of the region’s witchy villainess!

Three If by Broomstick, Chapter 23

I took a deep breath, and I opened the gate. The goose came charging at me, but I came prepared… I tossed a handful of oats on the ground, and immediately, the goose began to voraciously consume them! I thought perhaps I should mention this method of entry to Aldrich so he could collect the taxes owed to the city, but it would have to wait until after I spoke with Missus Dimmesdale- I needed to stay on her good side for a while! I smirked at the success of the tactic I deployed, and I pulled the handle of the entrance to the haberdashery…

Nothing happened! The door was locked! I furrowed my brows as to why her shop wouldn’t be accessible in the middle of the day like that, so I made another attempt to unlatch it. It still didn’t work, so I tried knocking. I didn’t hear any movement inside, but I still strove to get her attention, “Hello? Missus Dimmesdale? …I’m only here to browse your ware, I swear!”

“She isn’t there,” Megyn informed me as she and Annabel came up to the fence. “If she was, we wouldn’t have taken this route! …Not that there’s any reason we would want to avoid her…”

“Do you know when she’ll be back?” I pressed them.

Annabel shrugged. “I haven’t the foggiest notion! But, while we have you, we have some questions for you…”

The two of them had a gleam in their eyes that they often sported when encountering juicy gossip, but it didn’t phase me in the slightest in this instance. I came to ask Missus Dimmesdale about them, so it was opportune that she wasn’t present since they were! For once, I could return their avaricious expressions, and I gladly let them know, “Actually, I have some questions for you first…”

“She knows!” Annabel gasped.

“Run!” Megyn advised her cohort.

They scurried away, and I needed to catch them. Based on the conversation in the millener, it sounded like either one of them could be the traitor, or they at least know who it is, so I had to extract this information from them! “Wait!” I called out to them. I bounded off of the porch, but Missus Dimmesdale’s birds wandered onto my path forward. I couldn’t get around them in time, and when I finally reached the gates, they were gone.

Disappointment overwhelmed me since this lead turned out to be such a bust. I couldn’t get the facts straight from the horse’s mouth, and my secondary source was absent. I considered waiting for the haberdashery to reopen, but I didn’t know how long that would take. The fowls had eaten all of the oats that I doled out, and the goose now gazed at me impatiently, which made it unclear how long it would remain docile. I sighed, mounted my steed, and set off for home empty-handed.

“Another day was stolen from us, Cole,” I conveyed as we traveled down Pumpkin Patch Lane. “Yes, that means we may enjoy August’s company for longer, but we’ll still have to endure Naenia’s ridiculous curses if we don’t find that traitor soon! I’m tired of everyone treating me like a wicked witch, and it would mean so much to August to put this matter to rest, so we have to do it! But what can be done to get us closer to the answer?”

“Right there, Cormac!” Drusilla barked from the other side of my house.

I put Cole away in his stable, and I denoted, “It sounds like the day isn’t the only thing getting stolen from us…”

My curiosity piqued- they were usually too afraid to set foot onto my property, so what activity were they engaged in that compelled the troublesome twosome to enter my land? I was clueless as to what to expect when I beheld them, but I definitely didn’t expect to see my nettling neighbors there with a ladder! Naturally, I queried, “What are you doing?”

“Oh, thank the Lord, you’re here!” Cormac breathed a sigh of relief. “Please, take over this task! We were dreadfully close to doing actual work!”

“Shall I go get Doctor Crane to evaluate you?” I needled them in the same manner they once did to me.

Drusilla griped, “Not you too! Anne and Henry visited our Pumpkin Shop, and we were telling them about how we learned about chunks in honey, and they didn’t believe us when we said it was beneficial! They thought we were daft for suggesting that! Can you imagine?”

I attempted not to appear too guilty about that. With so much going on, I completely forgot about that excuse I concocted with their servants, and I didn’t prepare myself for the eventuality that, in fact, honey was not supposed to have chunks. All I could think to do as I drummed something up was to feign innocence. “They didn’t believe that? I don’t see why anyone wouldn’t!”

“Too right you are!” Cormac concurred with my false pretense. “The help is too busy restocking our shelves, so Drusilla and I had no choice but to come here and fetch it ourselves so we could prove our point!”

“Would you do us a favor and retrieve it for us?” Drusilla petitioned me.

I wanted to roll my eyes at the premise of, for the second time this week, someone who wasn’t nice to me expected me to act nicely to them! I would have made up some excuse not to do it if the honey was actually up there, but I had it hidden in my house! I wanted to survey them as to why they presumed the chunky honey was in that spot, but I couldn’t tell them that I never put it in a tree like I said I would, so all I could do was try to convince them to give up on this endeavor. “You shouldn’t have to go out of your way to show them the truth! If they don’t believe you, to heck with them!”

Cormac insisted, “Oh, no! I’m not going back with nothing! I’ll just get it! Drusilla’s eyes went wide with worry, so Cormac reassured her, “Oh, it’s no different than climbing up a staircase! I can do this!”

For a moment, I became very worried that they wouldn’t find anything and realize we had deceived them, but when I saw what pathway they were taking, I focused on something else… “Don’t go that…!” Too late, they tripped over a brick and fell into some mucky water! I didn’t know if I wanted to vomit or laugh, but in a voice that was kind enough to hopefully avoid their ire, I informed them, “That’s a cesspool!”

“Cormac! It’s in my hair!” Drusilla wailed.

“It’s okay, darling! We can wash it off in the river!” Cormac reassured her. Drusilla didn’t appear to get much solace from that though, and she sobbed ceaselessly as they walked towards the woods.

I decided to feel a bit of amusement at their misery after all of the strife they caused, and I chuckled slightly as I prepared to go inside, but then a thought occurred to me… The petulant pair would most likely be gone for at least a half hour as they tried to get that mess off of themselves, which meant Rue, Dill, and Hazel would be in the Pumpkin Shop without their prying eyes! A window finally opened up for me to discuss their expertise in supernatural subjects! My heart skipped a beat at the premise of this afternoon not being a waste after all, and I ran towards the farm next door.

Optimism filled my veins, and I could have skipped to the front of their farm! I didn’t because that would have looked strange, but I was overjoyed since I felt I’d finally get some much-needed answers. I didn’t think anything could spoil my good mood, but as I was about to enter the Pumpkin Shop, I heard Naenia’s voice cry out, “Wait, you’re not already in there?”

“You!” I reacted in shock as she manifested next to a pumpkin display. And, just like that, all my positivity drained away. Aggravation set in while I mentally prepared myself to deal with another cumbersome catastrophe, and I rubbed my temples hoping I could sort this all out prior to Cormac and Drusilla returning. “What did you do?”

“Do you want to interrogate me about it, or do you want to save your friends from my handsome hex?” Naenia catechized with an annoyingly cocky grin.

I scowled knowing I had no choice but to play her game, but preceding my departure from her, I warned, “This isn’t over!” Naenia didn’t respond other than to snicker slightly, and I begrudgingly sped into the store.

Aside from a large space full of all sorts of pumpkin products, I was greeted by Henry nearly running into me! That didn’t surprise me because an inane incantation was afoot, but what did surprise me was that he continued this action around the perimeter of the space! Anne commanded him, “You imbecile, quit this nonsense!”

“I… wish… I… could!” Henry breathily told her. “I… think… it’s… a… spell!”

“Oh, please!” Anne reacted in disbelief. “I bring up moving my mother into our home, and suddenly you’re under a spell?” Right after she spoke, she involuntarily began to jog around the room. “Oh, you weren’t lying!”

Dill declared, “I’ve got you!” He attempted to intercept Henry, but Henry kept moving, and Dill got dragged around Henry’s trajectory. “I didn’t think I meant that literally!” After Dill let go, he also started pacing the area. 

Anne complained, “I’m not wearing the right shoes for this!”

“What do we do?” I hurried over to Rue and Hazel to discuss this before either of them was forced into this jinx. I hastily added, “Also, Cormac and Drusilla are bathing in the river because they tried to get the honey from a tree and fell into a cesspool!”

“That’s hilarious!” Hazel giggled.

Rue scolded her, “Hazel! That’s not nice!” Rue subsequently snorted at the premise, but she swiftly returned to a more serious demeanor. “I could light a candle…” She commenced in cantering like the others, and she took back her previous sentence, “I can’t light a candle!”

I articulated to Hazel, “There’s always something nearby that can remedy the issue!”

“Maybe we can trip them,” Hazel suggested. She rolled a pumpkin at Dill, but Dill easily hopped over it. “Hey! I thought you had bad knees!” 

“I…do!” Dill winced as he continued his trek.

Hazel began to bound about the Pumpkin Shop, and I felt slightly overwhelmed with all of the runners constantly passing me. It was hard to think, and I was tempted to go outside to clear my head, but then I saw Naenia leering from the window, and I renewed my determination to take action. Something in that room was going to help, so I marched over to another shelf. They had some skin creams lined up, and I thought that worked against the magic at Sunflower Goods, so perhaps it would work the same here. I strove to open the bottle, but preceding me being able to do that…

Anne bumped into my elbow, and the force of this pushed me into a table of pumpkin seed oil! I anticipated her giving me an apology, but instead, she huffed, “Will you hurry and save us already?”

Incensed by the insinuation that I wasn’t doing my utmost to get them a cure, I yelled, “I’m working on it!” I threw a bottle of the pumpkin seed oil at her under the assumption that she would dodge it like Dill did with that pumpkin, but then…

“Oh, thank the heavens!” Anne breathed a sigh of relief prior to collapsing onto a pumpkin-patterned rug. With her face down from exhaustion, Anne chirped, “You saved me first!”

“Yes! That’s certainly what I was trying to do!” I fibbed. 

I handed the others a bottle, and thankfully, each of them halted their movements! They all flopped onto the floor from physical weakness, and Henry canvassed the crowd, “I’m dead, aren’t I?”
Naenia glowered at me furiously through the window, and I mockingly stuck my tongue out at her. I would have loved to have mocked her further, but at that juncture, Cormac and Drusilla entered. Both of their faces paled at this spectacle, and Drusilla shrieked, “What on Earth happened here?”

“Well… Anne and Henry don’t care about the honey anymore!” I half-kidded with them as I dashed out the door.

Three If by Broomstick, Ch. 22

I sat by the fireplace listening to the birds chirping outside, and I glanced over to Darcy, who was glaring at them as if he had a personal vendetta against them. Aside from my cat’s ire, everything seemed peaceful, which prompted me to articulate, “I won’t say it! As soon as I do, it’ll change!”

All of a sudden, John popped up by my window and immediately notified me, “I just wanted to formally apologize for what my wife is about to do!”

“And there it is!” I huffed. “It’s because I was thinking that the day was so lovely! Of course something had to interrupt it!”

“Hello, Clarinda!” Abigail jumped in next to her husband and greeted me in an overly saccharine smile.

I gazed at her in suspicion. “What are you up to?”

Abigail feigned innocence, “What am I up to? Nothing! I’m merely here to tell you how sorry I am for the way I treated you!”

“Alright, go ahead!” I permitted, mostly out of curiosity, though.

“That was it,” she stated.

Not buying that for a minute, I dryly responded, “Okay then! Well, I’m in the middle of making my lunch, so please excuse me…”

Abigail petitioned me, “Can we be friends now?”

“Why?” I glimpsed at her with raised eyebrows.

“Because I like you very much!” Abigail gagged a little after she said that, and I began to grow irritated that she would insult my intelligence with this charade. Preceding me calling her out on this, she let me know, “I need you to do me a favor…”

This truly amused me- after all she put me through since I had been in Lynnbrook, she really expected me to help her out? I coldly inquired, “Why should I help you?”

Abigail replied, “Because you’re a nice person, and you wouldn’t dare to turn down a person in need, even if you didn’t particularly like them!”

“Touché!” I grumpily acknowledged. I emitted an exasperated exhale, and then I begrudgingly invited her, “Proceed!”

“Our eldest child- well, he’s not really a child anymore! He’s thirty-six! But, anyways, he’s got incurably stinky feet, and Doctor Crane has tried everything he can think of to fix it only to no avail. So, we were wondering if you could whip up something to cure him from this woe…” Abigail appealed to me.

I was quite confused as to why she presented this dilemma to me. “Shouldn’t you go see Reverend Halliwell if you need a miracle?”

John chirped, “Good idea!”

He attempted to flee, but Abigail grabbed his hand and refused to let him leave. “Surely, you must have something you conjure up to remedy the situation!” she verbalized.

“I’m not sure why you think I had a cure for that!” I commentated. “If I knew how to get rid of offensive odors from men, I would have used it on my late husband after he returned from his voyages! He always smelled like sweat, dirt, and other things I don’t care to mention…”

“You don’t have to pretend!” Abigail urged me. “You can use your powers around me! Or at least show us how to make a potion that does the job…”

At that moment, it finally clicked for me what her motives for this ridiculous plan were. “Are you trying to catch me in the act of witchcraft?”

Abigail denied that allegation, “Of course not! I would never do such a deed!” 

“She was going to make me do it!” John apprised me. “I’m much more of a credible witness!”

“But our son’s feet really are bad!” Abigail relayed to me. I folded my arms defiantly, and Abigail finally abandoned that false demeanor as she snarled, “You can play innocent all you want, but I know you’re behind this spell saga! When it comes to putting an end to your scheme, nothing will stop me!”

From behind them, August’s voice boomed, “Stop that!”

Abigail unwillingly complied, and John gladly acquiesced, “Yes, sir!”

My heart fluttered seeing August come into view! Knowing he was here to defend me made me nearly faint in delight! I tried not to look too eager though, in case Abigail paid me any attention… Abigail curtsied slightly, and her inauthentic pleasantness resurfaced as she addressed him, “Sir, we’re here to seek justice for the people of Lynnbrook, and we came due to our right to safeguard our way of life!”

“I’m here involuntarily,” John put in.

“So, you’re harassing someone minding their own business in order to achieve peacefulness?” August challenged her.

Abigail pouted, “If you say it like that, you can make anything sound foolish!”

August bellowed, “And you’re treating the nicest, sweetest person in town like a criminal?” 

“Sweet? She implied I was the devil at church!” Abigail objected. August laughed at that notion, and John stifled a snicker as well. Abigail sensed that she lost this battle, and she contemptuously commanded her husband, “Come, John! Let’s go wash off any negative spirits that latched onto us from visiting this haunted house!” John threw a remorseful expression in my direction as he got dragged off.

“I am so sorry you had to go through that!” August apologized to me.

Grinning, I told him, “Don’t worry about it! It wasn’t like you sent them here!” I turned toward the warming oven, but then I paused and added, “Did you?”

August grinned and assured me, “Absolutely not! I would never do such a…!” He trailed off when I took my bread out, and after giving it a hearty sniff, he complimented me, “Your food smells heavenly!”

“Heavenly! Wow, thank you!” I was quite certain I was blushing furiously, and I couldn’t hide it as I had my hands full. I set the bread on the table next to a pot of soup, and I invited August, “Would you care to join me for lunch?”

“I would love to!” August readily accepted.

I catechized, “You would?” I expected him to politely decline, so this threw me off tremendously! I could scarcely believe my good fortune, but I strove to maintain an even keel as I cheerily directed him, “Come on in!”

He sat at my table as I brought down extra dinnerware and utensils, and at first, there was an awkward silence. I always dreamed of his company, but now that he was here, I didn’t know what to say or do! I wanted to orate something profound to grab his attention, but I also considered doling out a witty remark to make him smile. I wondered if perhaps he didn’t like to get disturbed as he ate, so I toyed with the idea of eating quietly also. The choices were overwhelming, and I had no clue what route to take until…

“This tastes delicious!” August conveyed to me as he wolfed down his soup.

“Hungry, are you?” I giggled.

After slurping his soup up in a trice, August confirmed, “Very much! They don’t feed us well at the fort!”

I frowned at that concept. “No! Surely not! The men fighting for our freedom are malnourished?”

“Well, at the moment, we have more soldiers than supplies,” August filled me in. “Sometimes my men are good about sharing, but at other times, things are more scarce, so they can get a bit… competitive!” 

“My goodness!” I remembered what Fawkes reported about the American military being undersupplied, and I bitterly had to resign to the fact that he was right about that. I didn’t want August to feel bad about that, though, so I related to him, “I can understand that! I grew up with nine siblings, and we often had to compete for resources. I would sometimes scare one of my brothers off with my dolls just to get a bit more on my plate, but eventually my parents forbade me from doing that!”

August chuckled, and then he asked, “Your brother was afraid of dolls?”

I answered, “Not was, is! Alexander has a daughter now, and she has to hide her toys from him! Her brother doesn’t seem to have that fear, though, so if Alexander and his wife ever had that many kids, Madison couldn’t use that same tactic to get more food! Although all ten of us agreed we don’t want that many children after all the strife we endured!”

“Sounds like you’ve been through a lot!” August observed.

“I suppose!” I gave him an appreciative smile. I often looked back at those memories with trepidation, but I never really viewed my survival of that phase of my life as something noteworthy! I didn’t know if I could handle much more praise- I had no inkling of what to do with myself after that tidbit!

August commented, “I’ll have to tell my son about this in case he and his wife have any more little ones!”

What he shared struck a chord with me. “Any more? Your child has children?”

“Three of them! I had one at twenty years old, and by the time he turned twenty, he beat me threefold!” August noticed a peculiar expression on my face, and he frowned. “Is something wrong?”

“No!” I lied. Truthfully, this boggled my mind! When I fantasized about a future with August, I assumed he had become a father, and if they weren’t working age, I would have been happy to have assumed the role of a stepmother, but going from single and childless to grandmother absolutely flabbergasted me! I helped take care of my younger siblings, so motherhood seemed feasible, but skipping over a generation like that seemed impossible! When I looked into his eyes and saw them etched with worry, my heart ached. I could never have rejected a romance with him, so I determined that I would figure the grandparent issue later just focused on enjoying his company at the present. “I forget sometimes how much time has passed! We’re about the same age, and it simply doesn’t feel like it was that long ago we were young adults!”

To my immense relief, August chortled at that, “Yes, indeed! I miss my youth sometimes, but I’m pleased with where I’m at now!”

I lamented, “I spent all of my younger days being the wife of a man I didn’t love! He got me out of my chaotic childhood home, but managing the estate while Thorn was at sea took up most of my time. I really wasted my youth!”

“No, you didn’t!” August kindly disagreed. “Your experiences formed you into the wonderful woman you are today, and that makes it all worthwhile!”

“August, I…!” I couldn’t complete that sentence- I was overwhelmed by the sweetness of his words! It was truly the most thoughtful thing anyone had ever said to me, well, aside from a salesman trying to butter me up to buy his wares. Tears formed in my eyes, and when he wiped them away, I felt a pull towards him. I braced myself for a tender kiss, but then…

Aldrich called out, “August? Where are you? Did the traitor get you? Oh, I guess if he did, you couldn’t answer! Oh, what am I…?” He spotted August dining with me, and his eyes went wide. “Whoa!”

August defended himself, “It’s nothing scandalous! We were just having lunch!”

“Huh? Oh, right, I suppose that is unseemly! I was more shocked by the fact you went inside the Round House!” Aldrich reacted in astonishment.

“Of course I did! I’m a soldier for the American military- I’m not so easily spooked!” August affirmed. He picked up the loaf of bread and requested, “May I get a slice to take home?”

I grinned. “Take the whole thing!”

August grinned back. “Cheers! I shall return another day! If that’s alright with you…”

“Of course!” I heartily agreed.

“Thank you for your hospitality!” August bowed prior to taking his exit.

As the two men walked down the road, they began to boast about what they would do if they ran into the traitor, and I tittered knowing Aldrich’s odds of success since he had just recently been scared off by a band of birds. I soon grimaced, though- if the traitor was found, then August might not ever come back! I inwardly debated with myself whether or not I should try so hard to unearth Naenia’s benefactor…

Three If by Broomstick, Chapter 21

I impelled Cole to halt when I saw Aldrich in the road staring at a building in sheer horror! I was very concerned for everyone’s safety in that instance, but I also got rather annoyed that a spell commenced prior to my arrival at the milleners. I emitted an exasperated exhale at yet another obstacle preventing me from obtaining the information I sought as I inwardly prayed that whatever Naenia concocted this time around could get vanquished before Bloomed Bonnets closed, and I joined Aldrich’s side. He didn’t even acknowledge my presence, so I was prepared to contend with something intense! I took a gander at the shop, and I saw…

“Uh, sir…!” I made a bid to get his attention.

“Yes, Clarinda?” he finally acknowledged me.

As politely as I could, I asked him, “What are we looking at?” As far as I could tell, the yard was pretty picturesque with its neatly-lined picket fence, immaculate bushes and flowers, and content geese and chickens ambling about the premises, so I could figure out what was instilling such fear in him.

Aldrich answered, “Missus Dimmesdale owes us back taxes…”

“Is she okay?” I ventured a guess. That was the only possibility that made sense to me as to why he would behave like this.

“She’s a witch!” Archibald exclaimed as he hobbled over to us. “Evil has overtaken this building!”

Aldrich regained a little of his usual demeanor as he rebuked Archibald, “Evil? What? No! She just owes the city money!”

I furrowed my brows at this entire situation. “I’m sorry, what’s the problem here?”

“Witches!” Archibald insisted.

“Grandfather!” Quinn came running into the vicinity. “Stop accusing people of heresy! We need to buy you a new hat!”

Archibald spat, “There’s nothing wrong with my old one!” He took his headwear off, and we could see that it had a lot of holes.

Aldrich briefed me, “I can’t go in there! Not with them there!” He indicated to the chickens and geese.

“Seriously?” I cried out incredulously. Initially, I viewed this apprehension as totally baffling, but then I recalled what occurred with the nest on my roof in the previous afternoon. “Well, birds can get feisty, I suppose…”

“Not these birds!” Quinn disputed. “They wouldn’t hurt a fly!” Aldrich regained his unease about the premise, so Quinn volunteered, “I’ll go get it for you!”

Aldrich warned Quinn, “Be careful!” Quinn paid him no heed as he opened the gate. As soon as he set foot in Missus Dimmesdale’s yard, a goose furiously ran towards him! Quinn screamed and ran down the road, and the goose closely tailed him! Aldrich articulated, “I gave him warning! I’m legally not responsible for this!” He glimpsed at Quinn’s figure in the distance, and he sighed, “I better go find someone who can help the poor lad!”

I shook my head at the general buffoonery of this scene, and I was about to mount my horse once more when I noticed Archibald wandering off again. I felt bad for Quinn always having to track him down, so I grabbed his wrist and told him, “No! You’ll wait for your grandson at Bloomed Bonnets!” I held Cole’s reins like a lead and led both of the males in my proximity down the street.

“Will you hold still?” I irritably conveyed to Archibald as I tried to hitch Cole to a post.

“No! I don’t want to be here!” Archibald stubbornly stated.

Passersby stared at this spectacle, and I groaned, “What in the world is taking Quinn so long? Did he run into a vicious swan as he was fleeing?” 

Archibald remained as petulant as ever, and I could feel a headache forming. A part of me felt as though I should cease pursuing this endeavor to gather clues and make another attempt later in the week when the universe was more willing to cooperate with me, but since I was so close to a possible source of answers, I wasn’t willing to give up so easily! I wracked my brain trying to drum up a solution, and only one idea sprang up…

I prevaricated to Archibald, “There’s a witch inside of Blue Bonnets!”

“Really? Where?” He darted inside before I could give him a response.

“Oh, great! You just released a nuisance into the shop! Why did you have to go and do that?” Fawkes carped as he passed me and headed towards the entrance.

I defended myself, “Well, I had to do something until his grandson comes back! I’m just…!” It suddenly dawned on me that I had a much better well of knowledge about the activities of the town traitor here now! Fawkes portrayed the news of the land from a viewpoint that flattered the British, so he was my number one suspect! If anyone had any insight about the subject, it was the crier! Especially a possibly corrupt one! I was ready to rush in and interrogate him, but then…

A flash of purple flew over the roof, and I moaned, “No! Not now!’ For a second, I convinced myself that I had simply imagined that sight, but when I heard Naenia’s distinct cackle in the distance, dread flooded my veins. And then I became annoyed again- I had two people in this shop who might have given me some much-needed information, and she had to show up prior to me even getting to ask them a single question! I decided to speed inside and get as much as I could from them preceding the start of the mayhem…

“Excuse me?” Ronald gawked at Archibald in aghast.

“I HAVE GOT YOU, WITCH!” Archibald hollered.

Ronald responded to him, “I heard you! I simply don’t understand how you could make such an accusation!”

Archibald pointed a knobby finger at the ledger in his hand. “There! You have a spell book!”

“It’s a regular book!” Ronald corrected him.

“This one’s perfect!” An older woman spun around to admire herself in the mirror as she donned an ornate hat.

Ronald apprised her, “That one costs a pretty penny!”

She shrugged that notion off. “Oh, don’t worry about that! Ever since I got fowls to guard my yard, I’ve saved a ton of money on taxes! You see, when it’s time to collect…” She eyeballed Fawkes, and she whispered, “His friend is here! I’ll tell you later!”

Archibald butted in, “Ah-ha! I found your potion! Witch!” 

After clicking his tongue in vexation, Ronald let him know, “That’s a mug of tea! And it’s not even mine! It belongs to Missus Dimmesdale!”

“Then you-!” Archibald began to accuse her.

“Witches aren’t real!” Missus Dimmesdale asserted.

Archibald contended, “Yes, they are! When I was a boy, I witnessed the trials firsthand…”

I snickered slightly at the amusement of these interactions, but I couldn’t afford to wait any longer since Naenia could strike at any moment. I casually strolled up to Fawkes, and I pretended to browse at the hats close to his position. He glared at me initially, but when he espied what headwear I was considering, he couldn’t resist commenting, “Those are male hats!”

“Are they? …I mean, I knew that! Women wearing masculine hats are all the rage in Paris!” I grinned and hoped that I was convincing. Judging from Missus Dimmesdale’s side-eye, it appeared I was not. I cringed as I anticipated the reaction Fawkes would give me…

“Really?” Fawkes puzzled.

I confirmed, “Yes! See?” I donned a tricorner hat, and I alarmed myself when I saw my image in the mirror. It looked quite strange with my dress, but I attempted to convey confidence when I spoke to Fawkes, “See? Fashion!”

Fawkes still seemed skeptical, but then he accepted my claim, “If you say so! I don’t know much about worldly affairs!”

“What are you talking about?” I balked at that concept. “You’re the town crier- it’s your job to know these things!”

“No, it’s my job to report it!” Fawkes differed. “My sources give me the facts, and I repeat them with my loud mouth. It’s beyond my scope of duties to seek out the facts!”

My curiosity piqued- I often wondered where he got his reporting from, and I longed to uncover the truth on that matter! I didn’t want to frighten him off, so as nonchalantly as I could, I inquired, “Who are your sources?”

I could imagine what devious scoundrels he had been associating with, and my excitement heightened tremendously until he merely replied, “Harvest Town Tavern patrons.”

“What?” I couldn’t express how deeply disappointed I became by that anticlimactic reveal. “You get your news from your drinking companions?” 

“No! Well, sometimes, but mostly, I meet with government officials and read certain documents,” Fawkes filled me in.

I challenged him, “So, how do you know these people are giving you accurate facts?”

He gestured to indicate his lack of insight on the topic I raised. “What am I supposed to do? Go to all these places and verify each and every tidbit I’m given? I’m too old to…”

All of a sudden, a set of ropes attached to a wooden seat appeared before us! Fawkes gawked at it quizzically, and I groaned- for a minute, I forgot that old crone was due to ambush us! I backed away from it and advised Fawkes, “You should distance yourself from that!”

“Why?” he wondered. In that exact instance, the swing scooped him up and began rocking him to and fro! “Oh, that’s why!”

“Witchcraft!” Archibald vociferated.

I admitted, “Well, you’re not wrong!”

A swing manifested by Archibald and collected him too! As he swayed, he raged, “Get me off of this doohickey!”

“I’ve got you!” Ronald reached up and grabbed his feet, but all that did was make him ensnared too! He was closer to the ground than Fawkes and Archibald, which made him constantly make contact with his merchandise! “My inventory!”

“Oh no, you don’t!” Missus Dimmesdale weaved around her swing’s advances, and for a while, it seemed as though she could avoid this spell, but just when she assumed she won, it seized her! She wailed, “What did I do to deserve this?” She mulled that over for a moment, and then she remembered, “Oh, right!”

Archibald grumped, “I finally caught a witch, and I can’t even bear witness at her trial!”

Ronald defended me, “She’s not a witch! I don’t think anyone trying to curse others would put themselves in harm’s way! It would have been daft to make herself trapped with that awful smell and the horrible noise that we endured next door!”

“Thank you!” I shouted in relief. Since he supported me, I communicated to Ronald directly, “The traitor did this! We need to find them in order to stop this madness! Do you know anything about them?”

“I don’t know anyone who would betray us to the British!” Ronald relayed to me. “I know a couple of people that would be willing to consort with their handsomest soldiers though!” He indicated to the Vantassel twins, who quickly moved away from the window when they realized they were being watched.

Missus Dimmesdale piped in, “I thought you were going to say something about Annabel and Megyn! You wouldn’t believe what I heard about them! Apparently, they… Oh, this hat is lovely!”

She grabbed a purple hat with lavender blossoms on it as she swung over it, and she tried it on as she swung. I was about to press her to reveal the rest of that rumor- not that I was interested in swapping sordid stories, but if it was related to the traitor, my ears were open! Before I could get a question out, her swing disappeared! “That’s it!” I celebrated. I tossed a lavender hat to the still trapped men, and thankfully, their swings released them too! I was ready to resume my enquiry, but then…

“I’ve got to go!” Missus Dimmesdale scurried out of the back door.

“What did we miss?” Aldrich canvassed us as he and a somewhat bruised Quinn entered into the store.

Three If by Broomstick, Chapter 20

I sat on my couch sipping some coffee and reading a newspaper, and I aired my thoughts out loud, “…Mayor Aldrich Walker issued this statement: ‘We intend to carry on with our Fall Harvest Festival as planned! After everything we’ve been through lately, we deserve to have a bit of fun! So, that dastardly traitor best beware- do not interrupt our celebration!’ Oh yes, that’ll show them! No way will they do anything heinous now!” I chuckled as I took another sip, and I serenely stated, “Ah! Finally, a nice, peaceful morning!”

As if on cue, a flurry of commotion blared from the rooftop! At first, I got annoyed under the assumption that Naenia unleashed another spell, but then I heard Darcy screech a little while some birds squawked at him! I quickly put on my slippers to check on him, and apparently, the birds had flown away. I put my hands on my hips and gently scolded him, “Darcy! Were you trying to hurt those poor things?” I noticed that they had built a nest by the chimney, and I concluded, “I suppose it’s best they’re gone! The debris they would leave behind could plug the chimney! They didn’t lay eggs, did they?” I peered as closely as I could, and while it didn’t seem like there were eggs, something else was there… “What is that?”

“It’s nothing! I…!” Doctor Crane hastily stashed something into one of his pockets, but when he realized I wasn’t talking to him, his expression became rather bashful. “Oh! You meant… Please don’t ask!”

“I’m quite sure I don’t want to know!” I assured him. I mean that! His behavior was odd and intrigued me slightly, but I had my fill of secrets and misadventures, so I had no interest in pursuing the motivation of his peculiar actions! Instead, I chose to ignore it, and I briefed him, “There’s something strange on my rooftop!”

Doctor Crane raised an eyebrow at the notion I just raised. “Oh, really?” He stepped closer to my abode, and he assessed, “That’s a cat!”

Resisting the urge to roll my eyes in order to maintain a professional relationship with him, I politely corrected Doctor Crane, “No, I meant over there on the chimney… And I don’t mean the bird’s nest!”

“Hmm…” Doctor Crane visually examined it as much as he was able to. “Do you have a ladder?”

“No, I…” I glanced over by Cole’s stable, and I was stunned to see a ladder hanging on the side of the wall! “Oh! Apparently I do!”

I retrieved the ladder for him, and as he placed it into a climbing position, he declared, “We’ll find out what it is right now!” He went up a few rungs, and suddenly, the twine came loose and made him plummet to the ground! He revised his previous statement, “We’ll find out later!” I fretted for his well-being, but he picked himself up without any fuss and inquired, “Do you have another one?”

Before I replied, I turned toward the stable to assess my inventory. Unfortunately, there was nothing else there. “I’m afraid not! Perhaps the neighbors have one!”

“Splendid! I’ll go check!” Doctor Crane volunteered. Darcy started rubbing against his legs as he purred, and Doctor Crane grew guilty. “Young fellow, I have to go!”

“I’ll go!” I smiled at someone being nice to my kitty for once, and I dashed over towards the pumpkin patch.

When I got closer to the Hawthornes’ farm, it surprised me not to see anyone working in the field. It was so close to the big harvest, so it made sense to see their primary focus on the field. I frowned because I would have much rather chatted with Dill, Rue, and Hazel than their masters, but if they weren’t available, I bitterly accepted having no choice but to deal with Cormac and Drusilla. I started to regret not letting Doctor Crane come here, and I gritted my teeth as I steeled myself up to go to their front door, but then…

I saw Dill pass by the window of their cottage with a yellow candle, and I was relieved. I ambled up to their entryway, but before I could knock on the door, I saw all three occupants of this domicile praying. I didn’t want to interrupt, so I politely waited for them to finish. I hadn’t caught onto anything unusual about the practice until they opened their eyes… I nearly made my presence known, but then Rue wrote Cormac and Drusilla’s names onto a small slip of paper. My curiosity piqued, and I felt compelled to find out what happened next…

Predicting what the purpose of such an action had been was impossible for me to predict, but if I had a hundred guesses, none of them would have been submerging their names into a jar of honey! What’s more, they added in bits of hair too! It reminded me of the mysterious container I found beneath my floorboards at first, but Hazel added some herbs and roots to the mixture, so it was far less disgusting. They sealed the jar, and after Dill placed his candle on top, they said another prayer. I wasn’t certain what I just witnessed, but it became clear that they had a broad depth of knowledge in the spiritual realm! I got excited- finally, some people had the potential to give me valuable insight on what to do to solve the wearisome witch dilemma! I was ready to ambush them with a plethora of enquiries, but preceding that happening…

“What are you doing?” Drusill snapped from behind me.

“Nothing!” I hastily fibbed after she and Cormac startled me. “I was eavesdropping or anything…!”

Cormac barked, “We weren’t talking to you!” He pointed into the window I had just been using to watch the trio and hollered, “Why aren’t you three working?”

Dill attempted to explain, “Well, we were just-!”

“Silence!” Drusilla hissed. The triad fell quiet and bore visages of shame, and then Drusilla demanded, “Why did you believe it was alright to slack on your labor?” No one said a word, so she insisted, “Tell me now, you insolent-!”

“They’re not insolent- you told them to be silent, and that’s what they’re doing!” I brought up.

Drusilla opened her mouth to argue with my logic, but she couldn’t find any faults in it, so she pouted. Cormac irritatedly conveyed to the three, “You may speak, but just so you know, you’re in big trouble for abandoning your duties!”

Rue, Dill, and Hazel had expressions on their faces as if they were quietly wondering how to account for their actions without giving away anything secret, and I didn’t blame them for wanting to keep that hushed up! The troublesome twosome would probably have acted irrationally if they learned what they were doing- really, their judgment was awful! They thought I did grave harm to someone based on the tomato residue on my kitchen knife! I believe Hazel, Rue, and Dill were perfectly intelligent enough to concoct their own excuse, but since time was of the essence and I was quicker on the draw, I decided to speak up…

“It was my fault!” I falsely confessed to them. Cormac and Drusilla gawked at me questioningly, and I wasn’t certain where to go from there. It surprised me when the words I needed tumbled right out of my mouth: “I needed to borrow some honey!”

“Honey?” Drusilla puzzled. “Couldn’t you just get some at the general store?”

I lied, “They were out of stock.”

Rue swiftly handed me the jar, and I stowed it in my pocket quickly so that the pesty pair wouldn’t notice the unusual ingredients inside, but unfortunately, Cormac seemed to have caught a glimpse of it. He inquired, “Why were there chunks in it? Is it supposed to have chunks?”

“It enhances the flavor!” Rue replied.

“Really? How come our honey doesn’t have chunks?” Drusilla interrogated them.

Dill ventured, “It does! Haven’t you noticed?”

Drusilla mulled that over for a moment. “Not really! I get flustered watching you three cook! It looks so time-consuming and dreadful!”

“Well, she has her chunky honey, so now you all can get back to work!” Cormac mandated.

“Wait!” I petitioned. It was almost amusing how annoyed I made them by delaying the farmhands’ work! I at least had an honest request in this instance! “I need a ladder!”

Drusilla raised her eyebrows at that concept. “You need honey and a ladder? Why?”

Valid question! I wracked my brain trying to unearth a rational rationale, but I came up blank. Luckily for me, Hazel piped up, “It’s for the bears! They’ll break into your house if they can smell honey!”

“So, you need a ladder to… what?” Cormac pressed us.

“You have to put it up high so they can’t reach it,” I apprised the distressing duo.

Drusilla remarked, “Wow! I’m learning so much today! And I have to say, I don’t like it at all! Come, Cormac! Let’s go back inside!”

Cormac ordered, “You three! Get her that ladder, and get back to your tasks! If you slacken again, I’ll… do something! And you won’t like it!”

Dill handed me a ladder and covertly communicated appreciation to me. I wished I could have arranged to meet with them again to discuss that vexing villainess, but I didn’t think I could get them out of trouble once more, so I simply grinned at the kind trio and went back to my house.

“There you are!” Doctor Crane articulated upon my arrival. “What took you so long? I was starting to get cold out here!”

“Why didn’t you just leave then?” I politely pondered.

Doctor Crane shrugged. “I didn’t want to go to sleep tonight and wonder what I missed! So, shall we?”

For the second time, he put the ladder in place, and I crossed my fingers that this would hold up. It appeared to offer much more sturdiness, so my anticipation began to mount. I had no inkling of what could have been by my chimney, but I was hopeful that I would finally get a clue that would expose the connection between Brom Sanderson’s disappearance and the arrival of the treacherous traitor. He freed something from its tether, and my veins flooded with excitement…

“Ow! Ow!” Doctor Crane cried out as two birds began to furiously peck at him. Prior to me being able to join him in fending them off, Darcy used Doctor Crane’s shoulders as a boost to swipe at the feathery foes! He achieved success in scaring them away, but he scratched Doctor Crane in the process! Doctor Crane graciously regarded Darcy, “Thank you, friend!”

“Are you alright?” I queried.

Doctor Crane assured me, “I’ll be fine! I have all the tools I need to treat my wound. I’m more upset that I wasted an entire afternoon on this endeavor!”

I quizzed him, “Why? What was up there? Aside from foul fowls, I mean!”

“I’m not sure why they were there, but their presence isn’t that impressive!” Doctor Crane handed me a pair of ratty men’s shoes and hobbled off. “Have a good evening, Clarinda!”

“You as well!” I called after him. I feared it was too late for him to have a pleasant night, and I felt responsible for that. I didn’t force him to aid me in any way, but still! I went over what I might say in an apology note as I moved the ladder away from the walls, and then something occurred to me…

I verbalized to Darcy, “He wasn’t afraid to come onto our property! So far, the only ones with that sort of audacity have been out-of-towners with no knowledge of the history of this property and Doctor Crane! He didn’t even hesitate!” Darcy gave me a blank look, and I eventually recalled, “Wait a minute- August has been in my yard too! Golly, so many spooky events have transpired lately that my mind instantly went to the most sinister possibility! There was probably a completely innocent reason Doctor Crane had no qualms about entering into this territory, right?” Darcy looked confused, so I felt uncertain about my theory until I remembered that he was a cat and incapable of providing any real feedback. 

I sighed, and I wondered, “So, what in the world are we going to do with this chunky honey?” I stared at the contents of the jar and speculated about what I truly had on my hands…

Three If by Broomstick, Chapter 19

“It’s her!” a young woman with pale skin, dark hair, and a large hooked nose exclaimed as she peered out of the window surrounded by sunflowers.

“Who?” another young woman who looked exactly like the first one queried.

Rolling her eyes, the first woman relayed to her counterpart, “Don’t be thick, Louise! Who do you think?”

Louise scathed at that remark. “You do realize we’re exactly alike, don’t you, Lisa? If you call me thick, you’re insulting yourself too!”

“You’re my twin, not the image in my mirror!” Lisa shot back. “Listen, there’s no time to bicker over who inherited the brains! Look outside!”

“That’s a black stallion!” Louise gasped. “That’s not the Dobbin widow, is it?”

Lisa reported, “Ever since she moved into the Round House on Pumpkin Patch Lane, weird stuff has been happening!”

Louise delightfully dished, “I also heard she’s shown very little mournfulness over her husband’s death! Do you think we can get her to tell the full truth over the matter?”

“I very much doubt that!” I conveyed to them with my arms folded.

“Welcome to Sunflower Goods!” Lisa and Louise said in unison.

Involuntarily, I uttered, “That’s disturbing!” I realized instantly that I had said something offensive, and since I needed their help, I had to hurry and smooth things over. “That is to say I apologize for disturbing you while you’re working, but I could use your assistance on something…”

Lisa chirped, “You sure do! We’ve got just what you need right here…”

She grabbed my wrist and led me to the other side of the store, and I was quite confused about what she thought I needed. Did these women know that I was on a quest to unmask the traitor among us? I also theorized that perhaps they heard about the wearisome witch’s ceaseless presence in Lynnbrook, and perhaps they had a remedy of some sort in their shop! My initial impression of Lisa and Louise caused me to believe that these were not serious people, but I started to regret that opinion until…

“This is a favorite with ladies who are beginning to advance in years!” Louise presented a jar of lotion with a sunflower and elderflower on the label to me. “It helps restore your youthful glow!”

“Actually, I’m not here to buy any… What do you mean, advanced in years? I’m only forty!” I objected to their characterization of my appearance.

Lisa donned an uncomfortable frown. “Oh, sure! That wasn’t obvious at all!”

The sisters covertly snickered, and I had to really tamp down my temper. As vexing as they were, Poppy confidently told me that they were the best to go to for information, so I couldn’t storm out like I wanted to. I collected my wits, and I began to question them, “Would you be able to help me with-?”

“Do you know where the Vantassel sisters went? Ah, there they are!” Abigail came running up to Lisa and Louise in a near frenzy. Luckily for me, she was too swept up in a fervor to notice me standing there, and I took advantage of this distraction to slip away unseen. I positioned myself behind a display of candles so I could hear when the conversation ended, and Abigail dramatically announced, “You’ll never guess who’s in town!”

“If it’s that German actor again, I’m not interested!” Louise affirmed.

Lisa gazed at her in surprise. “You’re not?”

Abigail also glimpsed at her in astonishment. “You’re sure? I’ve heard he’s quite the lover…”

“He’s not that great!” Louise became startled by her own words, and she hastily added, “From what I heard…!”

“What, did you and Wolfgang…?” Lisa pried.

Abigail cut in, “Later! You have to hear who visited Rustic Retail! He said he might come here to look for animal feed! Prepare yourself, you’re about to be visited by-!”

A trim lad with a long, reddish-brown ponytail and freckles ran up to the trio and raved, “Ladies! There’s a foreigner outside! He looks Greek!”

“Ronald! I wanted to tell them!” Abigail pouted.

“Well, why didn’t you?” Ronald snapped back.

Abigail seemed poised to dole out a scathing retort to Ronald after that bout of brashness, but then the man of the hour entered into the facility. I grew curious about who inspired this hullabaloo, so I peeked at the doorway. I was expecting an extraordinarily handsome beau, but he was pretty plain and old enough to be my father! His facial features were slightly different from most people’s in this region, but nothing about him was outstanding! At least, not to me…

Lisa sighed, “He looks so exotic!”

I emitted an exasperated exhale, and Abigail glanced over after she heard it. I ducked down low and covered my mouth as if that would somehow cover up the noise I already made- I didn’t want to deal with her on most days, but I especially didn’t want any drama today! I feared a confrontation with that malicious gilflurt would take away the twins’ appetite for lending me a hand, so I prayed that something would turn her attention away from my presence…

“Signomi!” the Greek man broached the gossiping group. “Which one of you is the shopkeeper?”

“I’d be happy to help!” Ronald chirped.

Louise corrected him, “He will not! He owns Bloomed Bonnets next door!”

Ronald got sheepish for a second, but he quickly rallied back up as he proudly communicated to the Greek man, “Alright, fine! Those two sisters own this store. But, if you ever need any millinery services, I’m at your service!” He leaned in and apprised the man, “Also, if you ever need to hear the best rumors in town, come find me!”

“Oh, don’t listen to him!” Abigail advised the Greek man. “Come find me! You were just at my husband’s place of business…”

“Uh… Alright…” The Greek man looked rather confused. He decided to let it go and addressed the twins, “I was told you have an animal food blend that I need…”

Ronald relayed to him, “They do! It’s right over-!”

Lisa interjected, “What’s your name, sir?”

“Horkos,” he let her know with a bit of hesitation in his voice.

“Well, Horkos, go to Ronald if you’d like to buy a hat! Come to us for the feed you need!” Lisa smirked at Ronald.

Ronald threw his hands up indignantly. “Fine! You take him! I see someone in purple entering into my shop, so you know what that means- royalty!”

I cringed upon hearing that observation. There was only one person in this region that I knew who would wear that color, and if I was right, it meant we were in for a heap of trouble! Also, I sincerely hoped that she would never learn that anyone ever associated her with that of a royal person! I poked my head out to view the window in order to verify my hunch, but preceding my ability to do that…

“Clarinda! What on Earth are you doing?” Abigail ogled me incredulously.

“Uh…” I recognized how odd it must have appeared to see me peeking out from behind a stack of candles like that, and I tried to come up with a plausible rationale for this behavior, but all I could think to say was… “I was shopping here, but I just remembered that I need to replace my cap, so I’m going to run next door! Excuse me!”

I made a mad dash for the exit, and Abigail attempted to stop me, “It’s a bit rude of you not to stay and chat for a minute! You really ought to join us!”

My hands were on the doorknob when she uttered that statement, and it was so tempting to proceed without acknowledging her recommendation since I didn’t want Naenia to strike the millinery without somebody there fighting back, but I didn’t want a room full of gossip-mongers telling the entire town that I was disrespectful, so I turned around and politely verbalized, “I would love to, but I have a prior engagement, so…”

“You’re not going anywhere!” Abigail insisted.

“Yes, I am!” I attempted to open the door and leave, but the knob wouldn’t budge! I suddenly realized where Naenia’s true target was, and since I knew she would ambush us at any moment, I turned back around and catechized, “Alright, what do you want to talk about?”

Ronald entreated me, “Could you talk to them away from the exit? I have a client to meet!” He also attempted to leave, but he didn’t have any better luck than I did. “What in the blazes? The door won’t open!”

Abigail seethed, “What? You’re trying to unleash a spell on us?”

“No! I was trying to leave!” I refuted her.

“Ooh! We’re about to experience magic? That sounds like fun!” Louise gushed. Suddenly, an extremely foul odor enveloped our senses, and Louise gagged, “Oof! But it doesn’t smell like fun!”

Everyone in the room pinched their nostrils, and that mostly mitigated the problem. Lisa broadcasted to us, “For the record, that stink did not come from our shop!”

All of a sudden, a shrill ringing echoed throughout the space! Louise griped, “That’s not fair! We can’t plug our nose and cover our ears!”

“What do we do?” Ronald inquired.

“We need to find the source of this debacle!” I replied.

Ronald asked, “And then what?”

I answered, “Uh… One step at a time!”

We ransacked the store trying to unearth the origin of this hex, but it seemed rather devoid of anything physically unusual. Eventually, Horkos petitioned us, “What are we looking for exactly?”

“Anything that doesn’t look like it belongs in a sunflower shop,” I filled him in. “A weird weather pattern, a strange ailment on someone’s body, a monster straight out of a storybook…”

“Oh! We were supposed to report monsters? I saw one over there by the soap!” He pointed to a shelf by the window closest to my horse’s hitching post. 

I cried out, “You saw a monster and didn’t say anything???”

Horkos defended himself, “I’m a stranger to this land! I don’t know what you consider unusual!”

“You think we normally have monsters in our store?” Lisa balked at that notion.

“Hush! We still want him to buy from us!” Louise advised her sister.

I gingerly approached the section Horkos referred to, and I was ready to expose our monstrous foe as well as combat its advances, but as soon as I unplugged my nose, I hacked from the stench. “Oh my heavens! I think that ghastly scent is fermenting without ventilation!”

Abigail criticized me, “You’re not doing anything to help us! You want us to suffer!”

“What can we do to help?” Ronald probed.

“I don’t know! It’s so hard to think with that horrible noise!” I waved my arms in frustration, and it registered to me that I accidentally pointed to Abigail. Abigail expected me to correct myself, but instead, I moved on, “Does anyone have any ideas on how we can lessen the effects of this horrible spell?”

Louise offered, “Hold this candle under your nose!”

After she lit a candle, she handed it to me. It didn’t remove the awful offense to my nose, but it did make it less intense. I had no clue what to do once it was released, but I at least knew it couldn’t leave if we couldn’t! I instructed the others, “When it’s released, start throwing random objects at it! On the count of one… two… three!”

As soon as I moved one of the soaps, a small, brown creature with a stubby body but long arms and legs ran out! Abigail screamed as it ran towards her, and after she cowardly fled, it crashed into the skin salves behind her. The sunflower oil/elderflower cream crashed on it, and once it was buried, it moved no more…

“Oh, what a relief!” Lisa breathed in alleviation.

“Yes! We can breathe again!” Louise concurred.

Ronald grumped, “I’m glad you two are pleased! My royal client just left!”

Abigail breathily articulated to me, “You…! Oh, I’m all of a dither! …When I collect myself again, I’m going to condemn you for this misdeed!” 

I sarcastically relayed to her, “Great! I can’t wait!” 

After I marched out the door, I unhitched Cole and noted that everyone was watching me, although it seemed like it was for various reasons. I emitted an exasperated exhale, and as I headed home, I decreed that I would find out what the Vantassel twins knew about the traitor on another day.

Three If by Broomstick, Chapter 18

Darcy put his paw on the front door, and I inferred, “Oh, you need to use the privy? Hang on!” I put down the bowl I was using to make some dough and walked over to the entryway. I opened the door for him, and he stared at the outside blankly. “Okay, you can go now…” He didn’t budge, so I gently pushed him. “Come on! I have things I want to do today! I don’t have time for these games!” He still refused to move, so I got frustrated. “What is your problem? It’s not like it’s raining outside!” All of a sudden, a brutal storm commenced! I shut the door and sighed, “Let me find you some paper you can go on!”

I looked through my travel trunk, but the few papers I saw needed to stay clean. I rested my head in my right palm as I glanced around the house- I wasn’t sure if I had anything else that could be soiled, but I had to pinpoint something my poor cat could use! I spotted something that looked like paper beneath my bed, but I was almost certain I didn’t lose anything under there. My curiosity piqued, and I dashed upstairs to investigate…

I peered under the bed, and aside from a lot of dust that I reckoned that I needed to clean soon, I saw a document nestled in the corner. It was a chore trying to reach it since I couldn’t fit under the bed, but after a lot of groaning, I grabbed it! It was a letter, and while it felt unethical to peep at someone else’s private material, I reasoned that I owned this property and everything in it, so I decided I was justified in reading it…

“To my dear comrade: while I appreciate your friendship and dedication to enforcing the law, I cannot condone this bed check idea! While it’s true that heavy labor should not occur on the Sabbath, the citizens of Lynnbrook have found your fervent desire to inspect where they sleep rather haunting. Also, the courthouse declined to hold people guilty of messy sheets. Sorry, old chap! I hope this does not make drinks at Harvest Town Tavern awkward! Yours truly, Aldrich Walker.” I chuckled at the ending, but I had to take a moment to mull the rest of this content over. Or, at least I tried to…

“Darcy, no!” I yelled when I saw him urinating in the corner by the fireplace. He bore a sorrowful look on his face after getting caught in the act, and I could hardly stay mad at him! I put a towel down, and I mused, “Brom Sanderson must have disappeared shortly after receiving that letter! I highly doubt a semi-formal apology from his drinking companion would cause him to vanish so unexpectedly, but what made him feel like he needed to flee? The traitor arrived shortly after he departed, that doesn’t seem like a coincidence! Did he witness something related to the betrayal? What if he didn’t leave on his own accord?” I rubbed my chin contemplatively, and I concluded, “I need more clues! Something else of his must lurk within the walls of this house!”

I started searching through the furniture cushions, and while I found a dusty coin, I didn’t see anything significant. I scanned the shelves in the kitchen, but there wasn’t anything out of the ordinary about it unless you count a tiny, very confused spider that came out of a beer stein. I peeked into the closet, and I got excited when I spotted a piece of jewelry on the ground, but it turned out to be my earring- I lost it the other day, and I wondered where it went! I scratched my head and furrowed my brows at the lack of momentous discovery, and I felt unsettled about giving up on the premise, but I ran out of places to comb through…

…Or so I thought! I watched the tiny spider crawl beneath the floorboards, and that’s when it hit me- there could be a hidden compartment somewhere in the abode! If Brom Sanderson was as passionate about security as everyone said he was, I theorized that surely he would keep something important stashed somewhere obscure! I got excited by this insight, and I began tapping the walls with fervor…

“Clarinda? Are you quite alright?” Drusilla called out from the path she and Cormac were on as they viewed my actions through the kitchen window.

“Yes, fine!” I listlessly reported as the task I had set myself on had become increasingly dull.

Cormac didn’t seem to believe my claim. “Are you sure? We can fetch Doctor Crane if you need assistance…”

I politely declined that offer, “Oh, no! There’s no need to drag him out in this weather…” I glanced at the sky, and I puzzled, “Huh! When did it stop raining?”

“Are you sure we don’t need to get the doctor?” Drusilla pressed me.

“Yes!” I contemplated my response for a second, and I realized it was unclear what enquiry I was responding to, so I clarified, “Yes to the last question about needing Doctor Crane! Not that I won’t need him ever, but right now, I am in no need of him! At the present, I’m perfectly healthy!” I sneezed, and then I assured them, “That was from dust, I swear!”

Drusilla and Cormac stared at me skeptically. But then Cormac deduced, “Oh! You’re doing housework!”

I was glad he came up with that excuse since I didn’t have any rationales for my behavior! “Yes! I’m sprucing the place up!”

“Oh! That looks so difficult!” Drusilla crinkled her nose at the prospect. “I’m so glad we have help doing that for us!”

“So, we don’t have to fetch the doctor?” Cormac queried to Drusilla. Drusilla shook her head, and Cormac breathed a sigh of relief. “Oh, thank goodness! I am in no mood to drum up the vigor it’d take to make one of our servants run to the town square to page him! Come, Drusilla! Let’s continue our walk!”

As they ambled towards the forest, Drusilla whispered to Cormac, “There’s something off about that woman! Who cleans without a rag or whatever?”

Cormac pondered, “Is that abnormal? I don’t know, I don’t watch Dill, Rue, and Hazel do it very often!”

“Me neither! Perhaps we should go to the town square and look that information up,” Drusilla suggested.

“Ugh! No! Then we may as well have gotten the doctor ourselves! We don’t need to get him, right?” Cormac catechized. Again, Drusilla shook her head, and again, Cormac breathed a sigh of relief. “Splendid! I wouldn’t want something so precarious to put a damper on our jaunt!”

Once the troublesome twosome was out of sight, I resumed my exploration. Nothing seemed to be in the walls, so I began to examine the floors. After several minutes, I noticed that even Darcy was staring at me peculiarly. I was so certain in the beginning of this endeavor that surely something of value would present itself, but I started to speculate that perhaps I had just wasted an entire afternoon with this seemingly pointless pursuit. At least I did until…

Darcy planted himself on the towel I used to clean up his excretion as if it had been a velvet pillow, and as he began kneading it, I gawked at him for such an unhygienic choice. I was going to let it go, but then I heard a noise underneath his paws. It sounded like a floorboard was going up and down slightly, which didn’t seem terribly remarkable until I recognized that it was loose! It was loosened and never repaired, so I imagined that Brom Sanderson left it like that on purpose…

“Darcy, move!” I commanded. In a true cat-like fashion, he ignored me. I tugged on the towel, and he remained rooted to his chosen perch. I dragged him a considerable distance, and only after I made that enormous effort did he finally move! I shook my head, but then I turned my attention back to my original mission…

“Here we go!” I exclaimed when I finally located the loose floorboard. My heart beat wildly with anticipation as I saw a purple cloth hiding something in that cache. I thought surely this would be it, this would be the evidence needed to prove that Brom Sanderson didn’t escape from Lynnbrook based on a supernatural spook! I was positive that this would be crucial evidence that we could use to nail that traitor once and for all too! If something was buried this deep, it had to have been important! I lifted the cloth, and…

It was a small glass jar full of rusty nails, brown fur, toenail clippings, and a yellow substance that I could only assume was urine! I practically gagged when I realized what it was, and then I put it back. “Wait, what am I doing? I don’t want this garbage in my house!” I was ready to throw it outside, but then the Hawthornes walked by again. I didn’t want to explain this thing because, quite frankly, I couldn’t! I studied this disgusting commodity, and I compared it to the purple cloth it was buried beneath. “Brom Sanderson stashed this here on purpose! Why though…?”

Although I abhorred the idea completely, I decided to put it back. Darcy glimpsed at me in shock, and I justified myself, “I don’t want to change things around and mess everything up! What if I move it, and the city erupts into pure chaos?” I mulled that concept over for a moment, and then I rephrased that sentence, “Even more chaos, I meant to say! What? Our circumstances could always be worse!” There was a knock on the door, and under the assumption that my meddlesome neighbors had returned, I muttered, “See what I mean?” I went to the door expecting them to ask about Doctor Crane yet again, and…

“Salutations! I am Neville A. Black, a butler working for the Lady…” The finely dressed gentleman frowned as he glanced around my dwelling, and he confusedly commented, “I’m sorry, is there only one of you here?”

“Why is that any of your business?” I shot back. I was initially offended by his slight, but knowing who sent him caused me to bristle even further at his presence.

Neville indignantly grimaced. “That’s not a very mannerly way to treat a visitor!”

I snapped back, “My visitor should be thankful I haven’t slammed the door in his face! I still have half a mind to do it anyway, incidentally…”

“Wow! Well, my mistress did warn me that you were a bit of a spitfire! That’s alright, I can bear it in stride! We have business to attend to, so I will endure what I must!” Neville consoled himself. “Aren’t you going to invite me in for a spot of tea?”

“Absolutely not!” I refused.

Nevilla objected, “Surely, you jest! I’ve come a long way, and I’m in desperate need of provisions!”

I pointed my finger in his face as I sternly addressed him, “I could care less how far you came! Now, you listen, and you listen well! I am not marrying Silas Carrigan nor anyone else that your ‘mistress’ chooses for me! I have the sole discretion over who I marry, and there is nothing she can say or do to persuade me to comply with her self-serving arrangements! I am very sorry that you traveled this distance for nothing, but I’m staying put!”

“Oof! Perhaps I will wait for you at the carriage!” Neville’s nose crinkled as he eyeballed the purple cloth in my hand.

“Why? Is my little cottage too humble for your pretentious tastes?” I contemplated that sentiment for a second, and then I changed course completely. “Actually, you go ahead and wait over there as long as you like! I’m not leaving until you’re gone!”

As he headed to his carriage, he instructed me, “Pack only your most prized possessions! The rest of your needs shall get taken care of in Raven Nook!”

I slammed the door, and I ranted to Darcy, “That clodpull! He didn’t listen to a word I said! How could he think I would want to drop everything and run off to marry some old codger who…?” I caught a whiff of the purple cloth’s scent, and I communicated to Darcy, “You leaked through the floor with your mess! I’m going to have to wash this now! Oh, would it lose its charm if I cleaned it…?”Darcy ogled me with blank eyes, and I sighed as I tossed it onto the laundry pile. 

I still felt really steamed up from that unpleasant interaction, so I decided to cool down with a bit of writing. As I began jotting down my vision for the next scene, I noticed Poppy approaching Neville at the carriage. Her mannerisms seemed very flirtatious, and I smirked at his aghast reaction to her advances. He swiftly sped away, and I chuckled as Poppy and I waved to each other. I made a mental note that if my former mother-in-law tried a stunt like that again, I would have another tool to use against anyone who ignores my wishes!

Three If by Broomstick, Chapter 17

“Tell me again, why is this necessary?” Poppy asked me as we walked down Pumpkin Patch Lane away from the Round House.

“Because I’d like to attend this event without ridicule and criticism,” I answered her. 

Poppy gazed at me in confusion. “Why don’t you just tell those boors to stick their opinions where the sun doesn’t shine?”

My eyes went wide from the audacity of that proposal. “Oh, no! I couldn’t! It isn’t very polite!”

“Neither are they!” Poppy shot back. I nodded in acknowledgement of the truth in her statement, but she could tell I wasn’t sold on the idea, so she urged me further, “No, really! You’ll feel a lot better if you put them in their place!”

“That may be so, but I… I couldn’t! I’m not that bold!” I sheepishly conveyed to her.

Poppy asserted, “That’s because you care too much about what other people think! I’m not saying don’t ever show consideration for the needs of others, but you have no obligation to get everyone to like you! Some reprobates never will no matter what you do, so simply worry about pleasing yourself! If someone doesn’t like it, too bad for them!”

I took a moment to drink in her words, and then I responded, “I suppose that’s true! Although, it will take some practice! I spent my whole life getting nagged into submission! My parents raised ten children by strictly enforcing the rules- there were severe consequences if we disobeyed! And yet, somehow, the house was always noisy and chaotic! I’m not sure how that worked out! But, in any case, I married Thorn to get away from all that, and while he was gone a lot, his mother stayed in my realm and constantly pointed out my faults! She did it under the guise of teaching me how to blend in with high society, but in reality, she was controlling, and nothing I did was ever good enough for her! I wish I had the fortitude to tell her off!”

“But she’s not here, is she?” Poppy probed.

“For the love of Pete, I hope not!” I partly kidded.

Poppy bolstered me, “You’re on your own now! You’re free to do as you please!”

I celebrated, “Huzzah to freedom!”

She echoed me, “Huzzah to freedom!” The two of us laughed, and then she questioned me, “If you had no intention to confront the individuals who act meanly towards you, then why are we going to Fawkes’ Storytelling Hour? Don’t tell me you…!”

“For the last time, I do not fancy Fawkes!” I outcried as I inwardly condemned the doltish Aldrich for accidentally starting this rumor.

“Oh, thank the Lord!” Poppy breathed a sigh of relief. “You can do a lot better! Well, so could his wife, bless her soul! When we get to the town square, I’ll help you find the biggest stud in this horse ranch! Is there anyone in Lynnbrook you have in mind already?”

I could feel my cheeks flushing furiously as August instantly came to my mind! I didn’t dare to utter that to her though- she seemed pretty trustworthy, but she was friends with Abigail, Megyn, and Annabel, and I didn’t want to risk that juicy tidbit reaching their devious ears! I imagined she might have had the intention to keep a secret sometimes, but I was sure that, on occasion, her blunt attitude might lead to a slip of the tongue, so I couldn’t reveal my thoughts to her. Instead, I told her, “I’m not going there to meet a suitor. I’m searching for information…”

Poppy puzzled, “What kind of information? News? Because Fawkes is holding a storytelling function this evening- you won’t learn much except maybe how good he is at spinning a yarn!”

“I already knew he was good at that!” I muttered as we entered into the town square. The denizens we passed all stared at me with suspicion, but no one dared to dole out anything negative to me with my travel companion close by, so it seemed as though my ploy had succeeded! It was a wonderful development, but I couldn’t give Poppy any real answers without baneful listeners picking it up. I wasn’t even certain I wanted to divulge any secrets to Poppy! I couldn’t leave her hanging either since I was depending on her to continue doing me a favor, so I wracked my brains to unearth a solution… “I’d like to learn more about the culture of the city! Everyone has so many different practices, and I merely wanted to find out what gets everyone out of bed in the morning!”

“Oh, you want gossip!” Poppy surmised.

I denied that allegation, “No, no, no! This is purely for academic purposes!”

Poppy evidently didn’t believe me since she filled me in, “If you’re trying to get the latest rumors, your best bet is Sunflower Goods!”

“Sunflower Goods?” I repeated in slight surprise.

“Yes!” Poppy confirmed. “Two sisters run that store, and they hear everything that’s happening in Lynnbrook! Wives go there for cooking oil, husbands go there for flowers to apologize to the wives for what they said about their cooking, and all of the unmarried ladies get their skincare supplies in order to make themselves glow enough to find flower-buying husbands to cook for! Everyone ends up there sooner or later, so if you’d really like to know who is getting into whose bed, they’re the women to see!”

I started to correct her, “Oh, I’m not trying to-!” I didn’t finish that sentence because the storytelling hour was about to begin, but as the crowd gave Fawkes their fullest attention, I pondered that perhaps these sisters were the best ones to discuss any out-of-the-ordinary activities that may lead to the traitor…

Fawkes dramatically recounted, “Once upon a time, there were two naughty children named Hansel and Gretel. They ate all of their parents’ food, and soon, there was nothing left…”

“Psh! He would twist it to make the heroes sound like villains!” I quietly remarked. “That scoundrel will probably side with the evil witch too!”

“As they went through the woods to get jobs that financed their terrible dietary habits, they passed a poor, lonely witch,” Fawkes narrated. “She was so destitute that the only building materials she could find to build her house were sweets…”

It was such a ridiculous premise that I couldn’t resist scoffing at it, “Really? It wasn’t to lure kids into her home so she could eat them?”

The kids gathered in front of Fawkes gasped in horror at the idea I raised, and one little girl fretted, “Does the witch really do that?”

“Only because there’s nothing else for her to consume!” Fawkes contended.

“Nothing else is around? She lived in a house made of sweets!” I protested.

Fawkes bickered with me, “If she ate her house, where would she live?”

I argued, “She’s in the woods! There are building materials all around her! Plus, if she’s so poor, how did she afford so many sweets?”

“You can make gingerbread on an open fire!” Fawkes stubbornly insisted. “And she could use magic to speed up the process!”

“If she could do magic, then why couldn’t she use it to build a normal house?” I quarreled.

Fawkes catechized, “Listen, who’s telling the story here?”

I retorted, “At the moment, nobody!” He appeared to have more to say to me, but then…

A woman in the crowd shouted, “Prynne, no! Get down from there this instance!”

As it turned out, the “there” Prynne’s mother wanted her to get down from was a small cyclone! Oddly enough, it didn’t seem to generate enough force to affect anything else but that little girl! As the other spectators watched in shock, Prynne responded to her mother, “I don’t know how!”

“You don’t know how?” Prynne’s mother roared. “Well, you simply…!” Apparently, she couldn’t think of anything either, but prior to her coming up with anything, a cyclone scooped her up too! Prynne’s mother petitioned her daughter, “Are you sure you don’t know how? Because that sure would be helpful right now…”

“She did it!” A man pointed to me in an accusatory manner. “She’s getting her revenge for the town crier’s anger over her disruptions, and she-!” Preceding him completing his sentence, a cyclone scooped him up also.

I canvassed the collective, “Why would I punish other people if I was angry with Fawkes?”

A lady theorized, “You know he cares deeply about the citizens he serves, so by inflicting misery on us, you make him…” She glanced around and wondered, “Where did he go?”

From within a cyclone, an old bloke put in, “He’s probably looking for a weapon to fight back against these maelstroms!” 

“Well, in case he doesn’t return, we should-!” I began to recommend.

“What do you mean, ‘if he doesn’t return?’ Did you do him any harm?” an elderly female interrogated me right as she got swept up in a cyclone.

I gritted my teeth, and I rephrased my motion, “Regardless of who may or may not be currently present, we need to figure out the commodity that will get rid of this jinx! There has always been something in the environment that remedies the situation so far, which means we should try different-!”

Prynne excitedly vociferated, “Maybe my dolly will protect us from the jinx!” She brought a poppet out of her pocket and presented it to the cyclone she was in, but all it did was suck it into its depths.

“Prynne! Don’t help her! “Prynne’s mother scolded her. “She’s not here to help us!”

“Listen, Missy!” Poppy marched up to Prynne’s mother and confronted her. “Right now, Fawkes isn’t here, and Clarinda is, so if you want to get out of this unstable state, maybe you should try being nicer to the one person who’s helping you!”

A patroness with a tray full of gingerbread cookies stomped over to me and demanded, “You’re Clarinda? I’ve heard you have romantic intentions with my husband! Well, you better leave him alone because Percy is mine!”

I wholeheartedly agreed, “Yes, he is!” She blinked in astonishment at my aloof response, but preceding any other outbursts, I asserted, “No more distractions, please! We need to solve this conundrum fast or-!”

“Ooh! I want a cookie!” Prynne exclaimed.

“Grab one as you spin by!” Missus Fawkes instructed as she held the tray up to the cyclone.

When her baked goods broached the cyclone, the cyclone retreated! Before I could announce this discovery, Prynne’s mother hollered, “Now isn’t the time for sweets!”

I disagreed, “No, here! Have one!” I tossed one into Prynne’s cyclone, and the cyclone disappeared! Missus Fawkes as well as everyone else seemed stunned by this sight, but I continued to toss the gingerbread cookies into the cyclones. One by one, they all vanished! When all the cyclones were gone, I dared to hope for a thank you from at least one victim, but then…

“You ruined my baking!” Missus Fawkes carped. “I was going to hand them out at the end of Percy’s story!”

“You were going to feed children gingerbread after they heard a story about a witch who eats the children that ate part of her gingerbread house?” My brows furrowed at what possibly could have motivated her to believe this plan was at all a great idea.

Emerging from within a nearby bush, Fawkes popped out and justified this preposterous arrangement, “The witch had no choice- she was starving, and they almost made her homeless!”

My exasperation piqued, and I gave up on trying to argue with this aggravating assembly. I threw my hands up in frustration and began to walk away, but I felt something suddenly encircle my legs! I presumed it to be another spell, but to my surprise, it was…

“Thank you!” Prynne beamed at me.

“You’re welcome!” I smiled back at her full of gratitude for her recognition. Finally, there was a positive development for a change! I wanted to prolong the moment, but Naenia manifested in front of us! She glared in our direction prior to disappearing again, and when I glanced back at Fawkes’ spectators, I sulked slightly knowing nobody else witnessed that. I turned back to Prynne and requested, “If you can convince anyone that what you saw was real, can you please tell me how you did it?”

Three If by Broomstick, Chapter 16

Several townsfolk rushed up to Aldrich outside of the meeting hall, and Aldrich chirped, “Ah, my admiring public!” He noticed their sullen faces, and he frowned. “Oh, no! What happened now? Did a vampire strike or something?”

A woman informed him, “We’re here about the traitor who is selling secrets to the Red Coats!”

“Oh, right! That’s still a problem!” Aldrich rubbed his temples in frustration, but then a light of hope flashed across his eyes. “Did you all find something?” He studied their angry expressions, and without any real conviction, he queried, “Is that a yes?”

“We were hoping you found something!” a man crossly told him. “What’s taking so long?”

Aldrich defended himself, “Listen now, I didn’t say the process would be fast…!”

A little girl disputed that claim, “Yes, you did!”

“Did I?” Aldrich bit his lip in worry. “Well, fast is a relative term! These sorts of matters are complicated, and we were never going to solve this swiftly! …But that doesn’t mean the problem won’t get solved in a timely manner! Rest assured, we have the best experts on this case, and when that traitor is found, they will get a severe punishment for their sins! For this is a fight for freedom, and we won’t let anyone or anything stop us from getting liberty to all!”

“Huzzzah!” the small crowd cheered.

A slave celebrated, “Yea! Liberty for all!”

Aldrich glimpsed at him uncomfortably. “Surrrre! Yes, I’m sure those principles will apply to everyone…”

The denizens continued to question Aldrich, but his words seemed to have mollified them, so I lost interest in this interaction. Since so many of my neighbors were preoccupied with the mayor, I knocked on wood that the well would be empty. I wouldn’t have minded waiting my turn if necessary, but I didn’t quite have the skills that a politician had in turning petulance into praise…

I was dismayed to see Jane there with a few other ladies engaging in a lively chat. Jane was hardly the worst person to run into in this city, but I was certain she would want to interrogate me about our recent brush with magic at Patriot Print. I didn’t think of a rationale for my insight into the otherworldly realm because, quite frankly, I didn’t predict that I’d need one, and if that snake Abigail happened to run into her after the incident, I could only imagine the unseemly stories they might have concocted together! I was tempted to turn away, but I didn’t want to create more talk of the town by carrying an empty bucket as I traipsed through the streets, so I took a deep breath and took a step forward…

When she realized that I was heading in her direction, Jane gasped and led her friends away from the area. It was difficult not to get offended by this behavior, but then I somewhat dolefully reassured myself, “Well, I did wish to be alone for this task!” I sighed and lowered my bucket down the well, and I intended to contemplate all these recent transpirations, but then…

“Ouch!” Naenia’s voice echoed out from the pit.

“What on Earth are you doing in there?” I expressed in astonishment at viewing a person occupying that space.

Naenia briefed me, “I was trying to surprise you, but you weren’t paying attention to what you were doing! Tarnation! I was excited to see your face when you glanced downwards! Thanks for ruining it for me!”

I shot back, “This is entirely your own doing! If you didn’t cause so much strife in my life, then I wouldn’t have been so preoccupied!”

“Ah! So, I was successful in causing you hardship and anguish?” Naenia leered.

“Your presence alone is enough to achieve that!” I retorted. I could sense a certain disquiet forming within her, and I decided to speak on it preceding her emoting over it, “Let me guess, that’s what your mother said to you?”

Naenia scowled at me. “No, she never spoke like that to me!” I blinked in bafflement until she added, “My daughter used to say that to me a lot, though!”

That assertion completely flummoxed me. “Daughter? You were married?”

“Why is that so hard to believe?” Naenia put her hands on her hips as she confronted me with that question.

“Because you’re so unlikable!” I conveyed to her. “Plus, I got the impression that you don’t like people unless they pay you a handsome sum!”

Naenia nodded in acknowledgement of the truth in that sentiment. “Verily! I have no need for human interactions… except for this one time I met a dashing fellow that reminded me that I have human needs…”

I gagged at the picture she painted. “I’m sorry I went down that path!”

“At least my misery made you miserable!” Naenia grumped.

“Yes! You may also take comfort in knowing how disturbed I am to learn that you have offspring, meaning there are more versions of you inhabiting this planet!” I cheekily communicated to her.

Naenia bitterly huffed, “Oh, my daughter is nothing like me! In fact, she has spent the last seventy-five years denying my very existence! But I-!”

I interrupted her, “Wait, wait, wait! Your daughter is…? How old are you?”

“She’ll rue the day she disowned me!” Naenia ignored what I asked as she persisted in her rant. “I’ll build an empire of wealth, and when her peers become my inferiors, she will beg for my forgiveness! And I’m not sure I’ll be so willing to dole it out…”

“Right…” I honestly had no idea how to respond to her unseemly family history. Honestly, I could understand why her daughter would be ashamed of her, but I hardly wanted to say that to someone so unstable! She most likely would have acted with even less regard for the safety of the citizens of Lynnbrook! All I could think to do was tell her, “Well, seeing how I’m not an asylum nurse, I can’t help you any further!”

I tried to head out, and I was already contemplating methods of conserving what little water I had left at home when she barked, “Stop causing me to forget why I came here, strumpet!”

Slightly curious about her purpose in this visit, I inquired, “Why did you come here?”

“Oh, the scenery in New Hampshire is so beautiful this time of the year!” Naenia sarcastically regarded me. “Why else would I be here?”

“Well, I suppose I was more interested in hearing why you suddenly believed anything had changed significantly enough for me to change my mind!” I riposted.

Naenia staunchly stated, “You’ll eventually crack! My pox is becoming more and more invasive and harder to cope with, so there is only so long you’ll be able to go on with this resistance!” 

I reacted defiantly to her, “I’ll never give in to your insane demands! Never! Oh, and incidentally, if you want me to cooperate with your traitorous scheme, try to avoid unleashing hexes that may kill me! I won’t have any value to you if I’m deceased!”

“Excuse me, but I never sent a hex to you that posed any sort of lethality towards the inhabitants of this hamlet! I mean it! I do have some standards! Seriously! My employer offered me more money to annihilate everyone in the village, but I said no! I’m not a mercenary!” Naenia argued.

“You almost squeezed a group of us to death with the walls of the print shop!” I contended.

Naenia countered, “Almost! I have no qualms with driving you to your wits’ end, but I wouldn’t want to build a business based on murder! Then ordinary customers would get dissuaded from hiring me! I wouldn’t become part of the elite, and my daughter would never respect me again! Oh, why did you have to go and bring her up again?”

I corrected her, “I didn’t! You did that on your own!” I contemplated our conversation for a moment, and then I denoted, “So, there is someone in Lynnbrook who wants to massacre us all if they get the chance… That’s unsettling! But, who would have that much money at their disposal? The richest person in the area is me!” My brows furrowed as I contemplated the matter, and I concluded that if I wanted answers about the traitor, it was best to address their employee… “Did they obtain their money in a legal way?”

“How should I know?” Naenia catechized.

“Well, I thought you had standards and would ask!” I ribbed her.

Naenia clearly hadn’t considered this notion. She appeared troubled as she stewed over it, but eventually, she decided to let it go. “They seem like the type to get it through honorable means!’ I gazed at her skeptically, and she snapped, “What? You haven’t met them, so how would you know?”

I needled her, “What makes you so certain? Are they an old bat like you?”

“No! They’re not so-!” She cut off her own sentence as she caught on to my ploy. “Nice try! I’m not telling you a darn thing about them! Why do you keep trying when you know you’re doomed to failure?”

“That’s what I asked you at the beginning of our conversation!” I smiled smugly at her.

Naenia growled, “You continually find new methods of infuriating me!”

I affirmed, “Well, you can remedy that by giving up this mad quest and leaving Lynnbrook forever!”

“No, no, no! You can’t do that! I’m trying to convince you to leave forever! Don’t attempt to flip our dynamics around!” Naenia seethed.

“You’re insane!” I hollered at her. “Listen, this town may not be perfect, but… What am I saying, ‘may?’ It’s definitely not perfect! But this is my home now, and I’ll defend it as long as it takes! And since we’ve touched upon the subject, how long is it going to take?”

Naenia appeared prepared to deliver a scathing rebuttal to my quip, but prior to her doing so, a woman behind me exclaimed, “Good heavens! Now she’s having a discussion with herself!”

I turned around and was horrified to behold that Jane had returned with her friends! I wanted to show them the vexing villainess in the well, but I figured that she probably already disappeared to make me look bad. Sure enough, when I checked, she disappeared! I wracked my brain to unearth an explanation for my activity, but then…

“She’s bound to be casting another spell!” another one of Jane’s companions whispered.

“No one in Lynnbrook has the ability to speak at a low volume!” I remarked.

Seemingly out of nowhere, Poppy jumped into the discourse, “Aw, leave her alone! I used to chat with my husband after he died, too! Mostly, he wanted to do naughty stuff, and I had to continuously remind him that he didn’t have a body anymore! Yes, it was all in my head, but it helped me cope, and we should not deny her that opportunity!”

Poppy supportively patted me on the back, and I graciously relayed to her, “Thank you!”

“Any time, my dear!” Poppy chirped as I fetched the water I needed. After a few seconds, Poppy curiously probed, “What were you and your husband talking about?”

“He… wants me to return to Raven Nook!” I fibbed. It seemed logical since his mother aspired to make me do just that, only in real life, I would have laughed in his face for that absurd suggestion.

One of Jane’s associates snidely commented, “Maybe you should!”

It sort of stung to know that someone in the city felt like that, and I recognized that she wasn’t likely to be the only one either. As I absorbed this emotional wound, Poppy kindly advised me, “Don’t pay them too much mind! Everyone is simply on edge because of the traitor in our midst! They can’t pick on them, so they’re taking their frustration out on you! You’ll get a better reception once that scoundrel is finally caught!”

After glancing at the gossip-like poses of the ladies at the well, I grabbed my pail and sighed, “I hope so! It will feel better when this curse is lifted off of us!” I smirked at the irony of my assertion, and I could tell they deemed me as even more daft for it as I vacated the vicinity.

Three If by Broomstick, Chapter 15

“Oh, now, really! It’s just a pile of leaves!” I attempted to assuage Cole at the hitching post near a shop called Patriot Print. I gave him some mint leaves, and I beseeched him, “Please, don’t do anything to draw attention to ourselves! I very much need a new quill, and I don’t want any more spectacles! Let’s just come and go with no muss, alright?” Cole became more docile, and I breathed a sigh of relief. I crossed my fingers and hoped there weren’t any troublemakers present as I began to walk into the print shop…

No sooner had I set foot towards the building than I slipped and tumbled forward! Luckily, I landed in a pile of raked leaves, but as I got up, I realized that I wasn’t so lucky after all- the moisture from the light drizzle in the air caused the leaves to stick to my dress! “So much for not causing a spectacle!” I muttered as I began to pluck the leaves off of my clothing.

After I cleaned myself up, I ventured into the shop. A mother scolded her young son, “No, Edward! That’s satire, and it’s not appropriate!”

“But if it was that inappropriate, they wouldn’t be selling it at all, would they?” Edward objected, which made his mother groan. 

“Anne! Wouldn’t this picture look great in our living room?” Anne’s husband proudly displayed a piece of art to his wife.

After giving her husband an apprising look, Anne reminded him, “Henry, we already have that painting! We’ve had it for the last three years!” Henry’s face fell, and Anne clicked her tongue in annoyance. “You’d know that if you were home more often instead of hunting with your comrades!”

Henry defended himself, “That’s how I earn a wage! What do you want me to do? Get injured, stay home, and memorize every fixture in our household?”

As amusing as I found both of these interactions, my eye was drawn to the shopkeeper- he was talking to August behind the counter! I quickly grabbed a quill from the stationery section, and I innocently stood in line behind him, ready to spark a spontaneous conversation. I was nervous at first, but eventually, I wondered what was taking so long for him to turn around, so I strove not to be as obvious as Megyn or Annabel when they eavesdrop as I listened to their dialogue.

“The chief of the N’dakinna tribe, I forget his name, occasionally pays Lynnbrook a visit to share his findings about weather predictions and such. They despise the white man, but they’re also compassionate people, so they help us out once in a while. Begrudgingly perhaps, but they’re not the violent types,” the shopkeeper regaled him.

“Yes, but have they also been kind to the British?” August posed to him.

The shopkeeper pondered this concept. “Hmm… I doubt it! I don’t think it matters to them who fares well in this fight because they want nothing to do with either of us- well, unless they have something pertinent to our survival.”

August inquired, “What if the British promised them something in return for their services?”

“All they want is their land back- they’re not about to help more European descendants get it!” the shopkeeper replied. “Of course, that’s based on our brief interactions. No one ever goes close to their reservation!”

“How could you not? They’re right over there!” August gestured behind himself, and in so doing, he bumped into my arms! The quill flew out of my hand, and it landed in a nearby water bowl, which made a fluffy, white cat scared. It fled from its perceived danger and spilled the rest of its drink onto the floor as well as my shoes! August was embarrassed to have been the catalyst for this chaos, and he apologized to me, “I am so sorry! If I knew you were there…!”

I responded, “My clothing was already wet, so don’t worry about it!”

The shopkeeper disagreed, “Actually, you should worry about it! I don’t want my floors to get ruined!”

“Hand me a towel!” August requested. The shopkeeper acquiesced, and August put a coin onto the counter. “This is to replace the unusable quill.” He placed another one on there, and he asserted, “This is for her next quill of choice!”

“Oh, you don’t have to do that!” I blushed slightly at his generosity. “It was my fault for standing there!”

August politely disputed, “No, no! A true gentleman watches his step!” As he knelt down to clean the liquid off from the floor, he observed, “You have a leaf on your dress!”

I moaned, “Another one? I thought I got them all!”

“There are actually quite a few on your backside!” August let me know.”Not that I was checking out that area or anything…”

“Sure…!” I giggled.

I craned my neck to view my back, but I couldn’t see anything. August offered, “May I?” I nodded, and he plucked a few off of my skirt and back. He paused when it came to a certain spot though…. “You have one on your… um… posterior!”

August’s cheeks flushed slightly, so I assured him, “I’ll get it!” I felt around my bottom, but I didn’t come across any leaves. “Am I close?”

“No, go left,” August directed. “A little more. Now go down a little. That was too much!” As he continued with his guidance, I saw Naenia manifest on the other side of the shop! I gasped, and August concernedly asked, “What’s the matter?”

“Nothing!” I answered with my tone in a slightly higher cadence. Naenia disappeared, and I could only beseech the heavens that August vacated the vicinity prior to her magic striking! I grabbed the leaf, turned around, and smiled at him in hopes of displaying a casual demeanor. “Thank you for your assistance!”

August pleasantly regarded me, “It was my pleasure! Well, I’d better return to my mission! That traitor is around here somewhere…” I exhaled in alleviation as he started to head to the exit, but I grew rather horrified when he halted his footsteps. He swiveled himself toward my direction and tenderly articulated, “You have a leaf in your hair! I’ll get it…” He gently ran his fingers through my strands, and goosebumps formed all over my body! It was like a shot of warm, soothing electricity coursed throughout my veins, and I became blissfully paralyzed by the intensity in his eyes! For a flash, I thought we were going to embrace, but after a few seconds, he simply grinned and told me, “At your service!”

As I watched him saunter away, I forgot about everything else in the world. For one fleeting moment, my life was wonderful, but reality came crashing down on me when I heard Edward’s mother shout, “The walls! They just moved!”

“I didn’t feel anything move!” Anne refuted her claim.

“No! It wasn’t an earthquake! The walls shifted as though they were readying themselves to do something!” Edward’s mother conveyed to the others.

I groaned, “Oh, no!” So everyone in my scope could hear me, I shouted, “Something spooky is about to happen! We need to leave this place immediately!”

The shopkeeper argued, “No! Please, you all should keep browsing! I appreciate your business! Jane is probably mildly delirious and hallucinated the phenomenon!”

All of a sudden, the walls on two sides of this establishment began to glide towards the center of the space! Jane challenged the shopkeeper, “Who’s hallucinating now, Arthurus?”

“I’ve got this!” Henry boldly declared. He placed both palms onto the wall closest to him and pushed back with all of his might. The wall didn’t cease its movements, so he corrected himself, “I don’t have this!” 

“The exit is gone!” Anne denoted.

Jane attempted to open a window, but it remained firmly shut. “There’s no way out!”

I protested against that assertion, “No! There’s always a solution!”

“Oh, really? Do you have any ideas?” Jane probed.

“Give me a minute!” I wracked my brain, striving for something practical we could do.

Edward assessed, “I don’t think we have a minute!”

The walls inched closer and closer toward the center. I joined Henry, Anne, Jane, and Edward as we tried to rebuff any further advancement, but we had no impact on their trajectory. Arthurus grabbed a large plank and made a bid at wedging the wall’s track, but the wall didn’t freeze at all. Arthurus petitioned us, “Now what?”

“Perhaps we can’t physically hold them back, but there may be something that bothers them enough to quit this!” I theorized. 

“Bother them? Are they alive?” Edward gazed at me in apprehension of that prospect.

I relayed to him, “No!” I mulled it over for a moment, and then I reconsidered that notion, “Well, maybe! There must be something around here that will slow them down!”

Anne directed Henry, “Get the other painting that’s in our living room!” Henry surveyed the art, but he appeared unable to pinpoint the one she was referring to. “Are you serious? Henry!”

Jane tossed a newspaper at the walls, but that did nothing. We each tried different commodities, but nothing prevailed. It made it harder to maneuver this tactic as the cat was scurrying about the continually shrinking room as if it were completely certain that somewhere it would find a safe place! I wished it luck because we were all getting winded and could have used it! Eventually, Jane determined, “We’re all going to perish, aren’t we?”

“No! We’ll think of something!” I exclaimed. They all looked at me skeptically as we became squished by the till, and even I had my doubts until, quite abruptly, the walls stood still! I celebrated, “See! Everything is fine!”

“How did we do that?” Arthurus puzzled.

Henry verbalized, “Who cares? We won!” We glanced around at our cramped circumstances, and he backtracked his statement a little, “Well, sort of! We’re alive at least!”

Jane pondered, “But, for how long? We could be trapped here for days without anyone… Edward, no!” 

“It can’t ruin my dinner if we don’t have any food!” Edward pouted as he put a piece of gum with a picture of a pine tree and a bee back on the counter.

“Somebody will come, Jane! People like coming to Patriot Print!” Arthurus spat.

Anne yelled, “Help! Whoever is out there, please! We’re trapped! Help!”

Henry covered his ears and bickered with his wife, “Do you have to do that so loud? You’ll bust out my eardrums if you keep it up!” 

“I don’t see you doing anything to save us!” Anne riposted.

“That’s not true! I’m holding in my flatulence! Wouldn’t you agree that’s important right now?” Henry contended.

Jane proposed, “Maybe we should pray! If we turn this place into a holy temple, maybe its heavenly powers would drive the evil spirits out! Or, at the very least, we can beseech the Lord to get us out of here before anyone needs to use the chamber pot! My goodness! What would we even use?” Our eyes drifted to the cat’s bowl, and as if the cat could read our thoughts, it stood over its bowl protectively. At that juncture, Edward was right next to the bowl and didn’t realize his mother spotted him sneaking a piece of gum! “Edward! You stop that at once!”

The walls began to retreat as he chewed, so I instructed him, “No! Keep going!” The walls kept retracting, so I concluded, “That’s it! Everyone, grab a piece!”

“Why gum?” Arthurus quizzed me as we watched these quarters resume their original form.

“I don’t know!” I shrugged. “I didn’t set the spell!”

Arthurus raised an eyebrow at what I said. “How do you know it’s a spell?”

That enquiry threw me off a bit! I didn’t initially recognize that it made me look as though I had inside knowledge on the matter- I did, but I didn’t want anyone privy to that until I could prove that Naenia existed! The shop returned to its previous size, but it was in total disarray now, and the five of them stared at me as if I owed them an explanation. I hastily came up with an excuse, “I’m a writer! I learn strange facts for the sake of my characters!” They didn’t seem totally sold on that claim, so I excused myself from the building, “I’d better get my horse to his stable…” Not long after I ran out, I popped back in, and, without making eye contact with anyone, I conveyed to them, “August paid for the quill, I’m just going to grab it…” I swiftly retrieved the item and bolted out.

“Clarinda! How are you?” Abigail chirped as she emerged from a nearby store.

“Busy!” I hastened Cole’s gait. As we headed back home, I saw Naenia’s silhouette fly by on a broomstick in the distant sky, and I bitterly wondered if this witchy villainess would ever be witnessed by my neighbors. I sighed, “Maybe one of these days we can run quick and painless errands again!”

Three If by Broomstick, Chapter 14

I was awoken to the sound of gentle tapping at my kitchen window. I groaned, “Now what?” After all of the sleep I lost the previous night, I was looking forward to slumbering late into the morning. The noise wouldn’t let up, so my plans seemed destined to be ruined! There were gaps between each small clink, so I knew it couldn’t have been a person rapping on the glass. I presumed it was another spell, so I grumped, “Naenai’s new scheme must be to deprive me of enough sleep so I can’t think of solutions to these vexatious hexes!”

When I glanced downstairs, I didn’t see anything unusual, but that didn’t necessarily mean anything… I put my mules back on and lumbered down the steps. When I glimpsed into the kitchen, I noticed that the sounds I heard were small pebbles, and I wondered, “Is a person doing that or another supernatural pest?” I approached the window, and…

“Clarinda! Are you just waking up?” Abigail gasped from the road adjacent to my property.

“Yes, but so what? I don’t have a job, so I can wake up when I choose!” I retorted.

Abigail snickered, “Someone certainly had a late evening!”

I corrected her misimpression, “It wasn’t from a gentleman caller, if that’s what you’re implying!”

“No, that’s not what I meant! I know you don’t have any lovers- the town crier is married!” Abigail tittered.

“Ugh! For the last time, I wasn’t flirting with Fawkes!” I rubbed my temples out of frustration. “I have better tastes than that!” Abigail looked the Round House up and down in a judgmental fashion, so I let out an exasperated exhale before asking, “What do you want?”

Abigail sprouted a malicious grin that certainly did not bode well for me. “I’m glad you asked! As it so happens, I’m on my way to the courthouse…”

I jested, “The courthouse in Lynnbrook? Are you lost? Or do you intend to file a case in Massachusetts? New York perhaps…”

“Enjoy your jokes while you can! Soon, you’ll get taken in by the authorities!” Abigail seethed.

“Oh, will I?” I folded my arms to convey my deep skepticism. “You do realize that even if you view someone’s style as a grievous offense, that doesn’t actually make it a crime, right?”

“There are bound to be some bylaws that condemn this hideousness! But perhaps I’ll leave that for another day. This morning, I’m going to a judge to have him charge you with intentionally causing a public disturbance!” Abigail peered at my visage to gauge my reaction to such a pronouncement, and when my expression did not alter in the slightest, she probed, “Did you hear what I said? That’s a serious violation of the law!”

I coolly responded, “I heard what you said! What I didn’t hear you say was what evidence you had against me!”

Abigail laughed derisively at me, “You don’t think I can prove it? Well, unfortunately for you, Cornelius was a witness! He saw you on the streets looking for a strange creature!”

“And?” I prompted her to go on.

“What do you mean, and?” Abigail puzzled. “We caught you red-handed!”

I disputed her ridiculous argument, “No, you have proof I was outside at night searching for something spooky! I was hardly the only one, too! Cornelius, in fact, also wanted a cure for that commotion! The courts won’t bring any charges for seeking out a remedy for something scary!”

Abigail stubbornly insisted, “I know you had something to do with the origin of that oddity! You moved into this haunted house, and you released the evil spirits that dwelt within to frighten us all! I just know it!”

“Do you know anything that will hold up in a court of law?” I pressed her. She sullenly crossed her arms, so I concluded, “That’s what I thought! Why don’t you go back to the town square and spread baseless rumors about someone else! You’re good at that!”

“Alright, I’ll drop it for now, but mark my words, I’ll get you somehow!” she snarled. She turned around to walk away in a huff, and she nearly ran into a brown horse! There was a handsome man with red hair and the same golden-brown eyes as me sitting on the steed, and a small, red-haired boy as well as a little blonde girl rode in the farmer’s wagon that got towed behind him. The three of them gawked at Abigail in bewilderment, and Abigail appeared equally as stunned. Abigail inquired, “How long have you been there?” No one replied, so she stormed off.

I saw the trio’s arrival, but I didn’t see the passengers’ faces as I bickered with that bitter gossip–monger, and now that I had, I inwardly moaned. Outwardly, I pleasantly greeted the man, “Alexander! You didn’t tell me you were going to pay me a visit!”

Alexander chuckled, “Well, telling you would sort of defeat the purpose of a surprise!”

“Well, at least allow me a few minutes to get dressed before you invade my home<” I requested with a smile.

“Why? We shared a room for the first eighteen years of your life- why should you feel embarrassed to show off something I’ve seen before?” Alexander joshed me. I threw my hands up in defeat, and Alexander directed the children, “Thomas! Madison! Go see your aunt while I put Franklin in the stable!” 

Thomas refused, “No way! I choose life!”

Alexander furrowed his brows. “Excuse me?”

“That lady said there were evil spirits there!” Madison whined. 

“Oh, come now!” Alexander balked at that notion. “That lady was obviously cracked in the nob! Aunt Clarinda wouldn’t associate herself with anything wicked!”

Under my breath, I tacked onto that, “At least not willingly…”

Alexander queried, “Did you say something?” I shook my head, and his attention returned to his kids. “We came a far distance to see her! We didn’t make this long journey for nothing! So, go!”

Thomas and Madison started crying, so I cringed slightly prior to articulating, “Give me a minute to get dressed, and we’ll go to the Harvest Town Tavern.”

I gingerly entered inside of the large room full of wooden tables and various townsfolk eating, drinking, and playing games, and at first, I breathed a sigh of relief because there didn’t appear to be any troublemakers present at that juncture. I gestured to an empty area in the corner, and I suggested, “Let’s go over there where we can be alone.”

“Ooh! You want to be alone with a good-looking fellow! How exciting!” Annabel gushed as she and Megyn came out of the entrance to the outdoor privies.

“How scandalous! He’s a married man!” Megyn indicated to Alexander’s ring finger.

I apprised the troublesome twosome, “He’s my brother! Also, just for the record, I highly doubt that a philanderer would bring his children to his escapades!”

Annabel and Megyn noticed Thomas and Madison for the first time, and Megyn feigned politeness, “Oh! Welcome! How nice of you to visit your aunt!”

“One of our aunts- we have four! And five uncles!” Thomas conversed.

“Wow! Your parents had ten children?” Annabel reacted in astonishment. “Everyone survived?”

Alexander responded in a leery manner, “Yes! But don’t ask us how! Our parents never really figured out their secret!”

Madison canvassed the adults, “What’s a philanderer?”

Annabel and Megyn opened their mouths to answer her, but I shut that down, “She doesn’t need to know that! Now, we’re going to sit down if you’ll excuse us…” I ushered the kids away preceding the pestering pair getting a chance to say anything else.

“Salutations! Thank you for visiting our…!” The barmaid recognized me, and her cheery demeanor evaporated. “Oh, you’re back, are you?”

“Certainly! Why would I be?” I beamed at her, but she ogled at me in distrust, so I politely entreated her, “Can we get four hot chocolates, please?”

After the barmaid left, I observed Megyn and Annabel stationing themselves by the bar so they could get an eagle eye’s view of our conversation. I tried to ignore them as I apologized to Alexander, “I’m sorry that you came all this way to see my new home only to get stuck at a tavern!”

Alexander tittered, “That’s alright! We mainly wanted to visit you! We missed you!”

“I haven’t been out of Raven Nook that long, though!” I chortled.

“But, you’re still far away from us! I had to view for myself that you were doing alright,” Alexander glumly expressed. The barmaid plopped the hot chocolates rather hard onto the table, and Alexander gazed at me in concern.

Recognizing that he had gotten a bad impression of my life in Lynnbrook after less than an hour of his arrival, I attempted to paint my situation here in more glowing terms, “I’m most certainly alright! I have a lovely cottage with a beautiful garden, and I’m getting a lot of writing done! Things may not be perfect…” I glimpsed over to see Annabel and Megyn having a lively discussion with the barmaid as they peered at our table, and I strove to omit the irritation out of my voice as I completed my thought, “…But I don’t regret selling the estate and moving here in the slightest!”

Alexander raised his eyebrows at that premise. “Really? No regrets whatsoever?”

“Really!” I insistently stated.

“Stand back, boys! We’re in for some more magic!” Leonard boisterously kidded with his friends as they peeked inside from the terrace.

Before Alexander argued any further, I elaborated on my stance, “Okay, so there are some cads in this town, but nothing could persuade me to buy back the Delaney Residence and return to my old life!”

Alexander countered, “What about Raven Nook? You were better off living by us!”

“No, I couldn’t!” I refused. “There are too many unpleasant memories associated with the city!”

“You could build more memories there!” Alexander contended. “Why don’t you come home with us?” I studied him a little, and he somewhat nervously asked, “What?”

I answered, “Did you come here on your own volition, or did she persuade you to do this?”

Alexander shifted rather guiltily. “I don’t know what you’re talking about! What makes you believe I didn’t simply come out of love for my sister?”

“What about the money we got from-?” Thomas quizzed him.

“Quiet!” Alexander hushed him. I stared at him crossly, so he admitted, “Alright, so she bribed me to visit you! But I wanted to see you anyway!”

I catechized, “Why does she want me back? Throughout my twenty-plus years with Thorn, we never got along! You can’t claim his mother misses too!”

Madison let me know, “She says she has another uncle for us!”

“Another uncle?” My eyes went wide with worry at what that could have possibly entailed.

“She arranged a marriage between you and another merchant- Silas Carrington,” Alexander revealed.

I recoiled at that concept, “Silas Carrington? He’s old enough to be my grandfather!” 

Alexander took a stab at convincing me to go forward with it, “At least you wouldn’t have to be married for long!”

“Forget it!” I emphatically denied that proposal. “I no longer have any need to marry out of necessity! Besides, she doesn’t own me! She has no right to decide who I marry! This isn’t Medieval Europe! We’re fighting a war to get away from that continent!”

“Why do you want to stay here?” Alexander griped. “Clearly, you’re not happy where you’re at!”

Right after he said that, August passed by the window. My heart fluttered, and I knew I couldn’t go anywhere far from him. He accidentally knocked down a broom, and it reminded me of Naenia’s spells. I couldn’t leave the area and allow her to continue with her pox unchallenged! Annabel and Megyn’s cackling made me think that some of my neighbors here deserved her dark magic a little, but glancing back at August, I was reminded that if Naenia won, the Americans would lose a piece of precious land! I couldn’t do that to the country I loved or the man I… But, how would I explain all of this to my brother?

I forced out a giggle and conveyed to Alexander, “Are you basing this off of individuals who are inebriated in the middle of the day?”

“Fair point!” Alexander chimed as he consumed his hot chocolate. As we all enjoyed our beverages, I just prayed that the villainous witch wouldn’t strike until after Alexander left so he would believe my assertion and report that lie to another witch I once called my mother-in-law!

Three If by Broomstick, Chapter 13

“What is Clayton doing in your bed?” I mumbled in my sleep. I heard a thump echo into the loft, and I began to wake up more. “Darcy! Whatever you’re doing, stop!” Darcy meowed at me, and when I realized he was nestled on the bed next to me, my eyelids flew straight open. I whispered to my cat, “Is someone in the house?” 

“Show yourself!” I commanded as I pointed my oil lamp downstairs. I didn’t see anything out of the ordinary, so I wondered, “Did I merely dream that noise?” Suddenly, I saw something large and gray streak across the floor so fast that I couldn’t make out what it was! “My! The rats in this city sure are quick!” Darcy gave me an apprising look, and then I groaned, “Oh no! Please tell me this isn’t a spell!” The gray streak reappeared, and I let out an angry sigh, “Tarnation! It’s a spell!”

I put my mules on, and Darcy darted under my bed as I trudged down the steps. The gray streak passed by the staircase, and I yelled out, “What are you?” It snickered as it passed me again, and I clicked my tongue in annoyance. “Is this supposed to scare me? I’m rather vexed that I got woken up in the middle of the night, but I’m not-!” 

Unexpectedly, a creature appeared hanging off of the balcony upside down so that it could meet my gaze! It had a dog-like face, bat wings, lion claws, and a deer-shaped body save for the horns, which were small and stubby. I shrieked upon seeing it, but it hardly got the satisfaction of my fear- I instinctively slapped it away from me!

After watching it speed back and forth across my house several times, I recognized that there would have been no way for me to fight that monster at this rate. I had to slow it down somehow, and it eventually occurred to me that I had some lard in the kitchen. I ventured towards that space, but I had to tread carefully- its path frequently changed! I got almost halfway there when I saw barreling towards me! I dove out of the way in the nick of time, but I knocked down the broom in the process, which I didn’t think was very significant until…

The monster tripped over the broom! And since it had so much momentum going into that event, it didn’t just trip- it rolled several times until it hit a wall by the fireplace! An iron skillet plummeted to the floor, and after hitting the monster in the head, it moved no more! At first, I assumed it was dead, but I saw it unfortunately was still breathing. I queried, “Now what do I do with it?”

At that moment, there was a knock on the door, and in this instance, I was fairly certain it wasn’t a postal rider! I smiled as I pictured August coming here with amorous intentions, but I didn’t want to get my hopes up. I wasn’t clear who else would have had the courage to set foot on my property other than those two men though… Regardless of who it was, I didn’t want to alarm them with an unconscious monster on my threshold, so I used the fireplace tongs to pick it up. I stashed it in a nearly empty chest by the sitting area before answering the door…

“August!” When I beheld his handsome face standing in my entryway somewhere between midnight and dawn, my heart began to pound wildly. I couldn’t believe this was really happening! A part of me chided myself for entertaining such salacious fantasies, and my conscience made me ponder how Reverend Halliwell would react to such a meeting prior to marriage. Another part of me though would have told the reverend to turn his back because I didn’t esteem that I had the willpower to resist August! I somewhat nervously greeted him, “Hello there!”

“Well? What supernatural entity is attacking her?” Aldrich’s voice called out from the road. “Is it a werewolf? I bet it’s a werewolf! Are your bullets made of silver?”

My spirits sank- he hadn’t come alone! I reckoned it was probably for the best that I didn’t give the gossip-mongers of this town any more fodder, but that did nothing to abate the disappointment of not engaging in such an anticipated thrill! Of course, it would have killed the mood if that creepy creature decided to wake up! I glanced at the trunk just to make sure it hadn’t arisen, and I expected to see everything as it was, but instead…

The monster was trying to lift the lid! I swiftly sat down on it, and as casually as I could, I asked August, “What brings you gentlemen here?”

“I was just about to turn in for the evening when I thought I should check on you,” August answered. “Several people have been awoken in the middle of the night- they’re all very paranoid and agitated, and some folks seem to think something is after them!”

“Really?” I listened to him with intrigue.”Did you see anything unusual out there?”

August reported, “No! But it was strange to see so many residents of Lynnbrook all having terrible nightmares on the same day…” The monster tried harder and harder to cover up its movements! “Well, Mayor Walker and I saw your lights on and heard a loud crash in here, so we wanted to make certain that you were alright.”

The monster put more force into its efforts to escape, which caused me to bounce in my seat. I prayed he wouldn’t question this movement as I relayed to him, “Yes, everything is alright here! Thank you very much for checking on me!” As much as I wanted him to stay for personal reasons, I needed him to leave for other reasons…

“Do we have a problem or not?” Aldrich shouted from the road again. “You know, it dawned on me that I’m standing in the dark all alone…”

“You can join her horse in the stable if you’re too afraid to be by yourself,” August suggested.

Aldrich glanced at the stable in terror. “I… Are you going to be long in there?”

August peered at me in concern and stated, “I’m not sure!” He studied my strange bobbing and inquired, “Is something the matter?”

“Not at all!” I replied as my tone grew higher from straining to keep that beast down. Naturally, he didn’t buy that claim, so I had to change my tactics swiftly. I spouted out the first excuse that tumbled out of my mouth, “I just really need to use the chamber pot!”

“Oh! I apologize! I won’t occupy your time any longer!” August gracefully bowed out of my abode. 

I cringed at the impression I had just made- I would rather have had him find me fallen down again! I had to cast that thought out of my mind at that moment though since the monster was on the verge of tearing my trunk apart! I was reluctant to free it and let it run amok once more, but it wasn’t as though I could sit there forever. It didn’t seem as though I had any other choice- I unwillingly stood up, and…

The creature zipped out of the chest, and I predicted it would resume its race around my home, but instead, it hopped onto the window ledge. Preceding me being able to stop it, it opened the casement and jumped outside! “Am I still asleep and having a really bad dream right now?” I mulled it over as I moved toward the coat rack. My toe stubbed on the pan still on the floor, and as I winced in pain, I concluded, “No! I’m definitely awake!” I threw on my red cloak and then hurried outside.

“Sorry, Cole!” I apologized to my horse as he grumpily reacted to getting his slumber interrupted. He appeared reluctant to work, so I pet him and promised, “I’ll get you extra carrots for this one!” He reluctantly agreed, and I crossed my fingers that the monster hadn’t gone too far!

“Come on, Doctor Crane!” Cornelius wailed as he pounded on the apothecary door. “I think I’m hallucinating! I…!” He leapt when he sensed my presence, and he probed, “What do you want?”

I petitioned him, “Have you seen a strange creature roaming around the streets?”

He very apprehensively ranted, “Who said anything about a strange creature? I’m fine! Everything is dandy!”

“Aaahhh! It’s a demon!” a woman behind me bellowed. 

“Are you talking about me?” I posed to her as I turned toward her direction.

The woman, who was peeking out from behind a curtain, shrieked, “Aaahhh! It’s Clarinda!” She closed the curtain to hide inside her dwelling.

A man next door to Doctor Crane emerged and fretted, “It’s still here, isn’t it? I can feel its presence- it’s so cold!”

I brought up, “That’s because you’re not wearing any pants!” The man glanced down at his drawers, but he did not seem very reassured. I canvassed everyone in the vicinity, “Did anyone see where it went?” Screams erupted in the distance, and I deduced, “Got it! Thanks!”

When I arrived at the source of the sound, which was the Hawthornes’ farm, I noticed that the lights were on in the servants’ quarters. I slid off of my horse and bolted over to help, but to my surprise, I witnessed Rue calmly pouring salt onto the floor, which caused the monster to pass out! “How did you…?” I reacted in astonishment.

“It’s a common practice in our culture,” Rue filled me in.

“Really?” My mind was reeling. They had different knowledge about the spiritual realm than anyone else, so I thought surely they would have insights on what to do about Naenia’s constant curses! I got excited to finally have a lead in this mystery, but I calmly spoke to them so as not to instill any unease, “Tell me, what do you know about-?”

From outside, I heard Drusilla comment, “It feels odd to creep over here in the middle of the night, doesn’t it, darling?”

Cormac feigned discomfort on the subject, “Oh, definitely! It’s a new experience for me, that’s for certain!”

I swiftly hid the monster beneath my nightgown, and I instantly regretted it- if it woke up, it would have found itself in a very vulnerable spot for me! I had knots in my stomach picturing such a catastrophe, but I put on a smile as the cumbersome couple entered into the shack…

“What’s going on here?” Cormac demanded upon their arrival. “Why are you here?”

“I can explain!” I assured them. The trouble with that assertion was that I couldn’t, in fact, explain anything! I mulled it over for a minute, and out of thin air, I invented a narrative, “I’m sleepwalking!” They glanced at each other to see if they could trust my word, and I could feel the creature starting to stir! Panicked, I kicked some of the salt to go beneath my clothing, and mercifully, it went still again! The terrible twosome gazed at me peculiarly, so I improvised, “Sorry! Just a nervous tic!” 

Suddenly, a poof emanated from under me, and sparks shot out! I could feel that the monster vanished, but I was far from relieved. Cormac and Drusilla stared at me with even more suspicion, and Drusilla quizzed me, “Can you explain that?”

All I could do at that juncture was shrug. “No! This isn’t my property; I don’t know all of the quirks it has!”

“What did you three do?” Cormac raged.

“Wait, is that salt on the floor?” Drusilla indicated to the bit of powder that remained. “You all are in for severe punishment for wasting spice!”

I slipped past the putrid pair prior to them turning their ire back to me somehow. I gave Rue, Dill, and Hazel an apologetic look, and Dill subtly nodded at me as if to say he understood my motives. It saddened me to see such nice people getting unfairly reprimanded, and as Naenia flew away on a broomstick, I wished the Hawthornes would have glimpsed out of the window to see the true culprit of that crime…

Three If by Broomstick, Chapter 12

“Oh! Do we have another newcomer to Lynnbrook?” Aldrich petitioned me as I traversed through town with a hat that covered my face. I shook my head but did not speak, and I hoped that would suffice, but then he prattled on, “Sorry, you must be a visitor to our region! I forget we get those!” I said nothing and strove to buy my head further since passersby began to peer at us out of curiosity, but apparently, he did not get the hint that I wanted to be left alone since he asked, “Where are you from?”

“Here!” I quietly answered.

Aldrich cupped his hand to his ear and pressed me, “Say again?”

I mumbled, “Here, okay!”

“Did you say Jersey Bay?” Aldrich questioned me. 

“I’m from here, okay!” I irritably shouted.

My actions made me grimace because everyone around me turned to look. Once he realized who I was, his expression became rather guilty. He apologetically regarded me, “I’m sorry! That was fairly uncouth of me! If it makes you feel any better, my wife thinks I’m not very good at reading moods, too!”

I begrudgingly lifted my hat up and conveyed to him, “That’s alright! I was just hoping I could get the news without getting judged or accused of wrongdoings!”

“What? Who would do that?” Aldrich puzzled. “You’re a bit strange, but that’s hardly a crime!”

“Don’t use your dark magic here!” Annabel warned me.

Megyn tacked onto that, “Yes! We’re watching you, and we’ll tell everyone everything we see!”

Aldrich clicked his tongue in annoyance. “Don’t be ridiculous! She writes stories- none of it is real!”

“But she casts spells on us!” Annable protested.

“Balderdash!” Aldrich contended. “Come to your senses! You’re starting to sound as batty as Archibald!”

With his name evoked, Archibald felt prompted to hobble over to our conversation and jump in, “What’s going on? Are there witches that need condemnation?”

Aldrich emphatically responded, “No!” He espied Annabel and Megyn opening their mouths to speak, and he shut them down, “No! Seriously, our city has enough problems without a large group resorting to hysteria not seen since the seventeenth century! We live in a society of rules and etiquette, and if you can’t abide by them, you’re free to leave!” Annabel and Megyn unwillingly fell silent, and as the troublesome pair as well as Archibald walked away pouting, Aldrich leaned in and whispered to me, “You’re not doing witchcraft, are you?”

“Of course not!” I assured him. “I’m the one trying to cure people of these hexes!”

“Thank you for doing that!” Aldrich appreciatively articulated. “There’s nothing in the bylaws stating how to handle this unearthly nonsense! If it’s real anyway- it sounds a bit like a collective fevered dream to me!”

I giggled at his reaction, and I was grateful to him for defending me! Not a lot of individuals did, though I supposed having the authority of the mayor helped summon his courage. I was tempted to ask him where I could possibly get answers about how to fend off that vexing villainess, but I had to hold my tongue as Fawkes approached his platform…

Fawkes rang his bell and dramatically announced, “Hear ye, hear ye! I’m Fawkes, and this is the news! As of today, October thirteenth, seventeen-seventy-six, General Benedict Arnold at last achieved success…”

“Finally! It’s about time Fawkes aired some good news for our side!” I muttered.

“Yes, his retreat against the British on Valcour Island was quite successful…” Fawkes went on.

I grumbled, “Figures!”

Fawkes continued, “General Arnold managed to sneak past the British fleet at night, but the British caught up with them by morning. It’s unclear what they thought would occur! Then, they got themselves cornered, and the response of the Continental Army was to set their boats on fire just to keep their flags flying! Seems like a bit of a waste of resources, which are scarce for the Americans…”

“Oh, come on!” I hushedly objected, “I’m sure they had a valid reason to do it! General Arnold isn’t trying to betray his people!”

“The loss of this fleet forced the British commander, Guy Carleton, to abandon his path down the Hudson River Valley so they could clear the lake…” Fawkes reported.

I pointed out, “See! He knows what he’s doing!” 

Fawkes broadcasted, “Ultimately though, the British still won this naval engagement. General Arnold may have stalled them in this one instance, but he and the rest of his men still must face the most powerful military in the world! If they want independence, they’re going to have to do more than merely stall small battles!”

“So true!” I heard someone in the crowd murmur. I surveyed the scenery, and it appeared that everyone was agreeing with his slant! Well, not everyone- one little boy was picking his nose, but still! It deeply concerned me to witness so many Patriots getting swayed by Loyalist propaganda…

“Why do you look so cross?” Aldrich ruminated on his words, and he cringed. “Oh, drats! I should know better than to ask a woman that!”

I reassured him, “No, it’s fine! I just…” I had to choose my speech wisely, after all, Fawkes was the mayor’s friend… “Do you believe it’s possible that the traitor could convince the majority of the population to give up their land?”

Aldrich blinked in astonishment at my enquiry. “Goodness me! Where on Earth did you get a horrid idea like that?”

Prior to me getting a chance to respond, Fawkes approached Aldrich and jocularly invited him, “Fancy a game of Hazzard with our drinks today?”

“Sounds wonderful!” Aldrich readily accepted. He turned to me and checked in, “Are you alright?”

“I am,” I affirmed. Aldrich breathed a sigh of relief, but then I added, “But I would like to talk to him…”

Fawkes appeared surprised by this development. “You would?”

I interrogated him, “How do you feel about the Americans’ effort to gain freedom?”

“It seems like a difficult ordeal, but I wish them all the luck in the world!” Fawkes remarked.

“If that’s the case, then why do you report such harsh criticisms of them?” I inquired.

Fawkes replied, “I simply report the information I’m given by my sources!”

I challenged him, “And, where do you get your sources from?”

“Uh, Clarinda… I don’t want to be rude, but I should caution you before this goes any further- Percy is spoken for!” Aldrich apprised me.

“What?” I reacted in aghast.

Aldrich catechized, “Were you not attempting a flirtation with him?”

I adamantly asserted, “Absolutely not! I would never! No offense, Mister Fawkes!” Fawkes shrugged.

“Oh, I’m terribly sorry for my misimpression!” Aldrich bashfully addressed me. “Please, go on with your questions!”

“Forget it!” I noticed Annabel and Megyn watching our interaction with intrigue, and a few bystanders started giggling, so I decided to resume my interrogation on another day.

After Aldrich and Fawkes left, Archibald hobbled over to me and verbalized, “I know what you were going to say to him!”

Baffled as to how he could have possibly known that, I exclaimed, “You do?”

“Yes!” Archibald confirmed. My interest piqued until he elaborated, “You believe he’s obtaining information from the occult!” I didn’t know what to say to that- it was such an outrageous claim that I didn’t know where to begin in arguing against it, so I buried my head in my hands. Archibald clearly didn’t catch my new demeanor since he persisted with his babbling, “Witches can obtain information from evil sources! He may have insight that no human could ever possess normally…”

“Boy, Grandfather, we really need to find you another wife!” Quinn commented as he pulled Archibald away from the area. 

Archibald agreed to that idea, “Alright! But, I only court older women!”

Quinn scoffed at that premise, “Older women? I don’t think there is anyone older than you on this planet except maybe in ancient tombs!” 

I chuckled at their bickering, and when Quinn heard me, he bade me farewell, “Nice to see you again, Clarinda! I look forward to seeing you again at the next Sewing Bee!”

Annabel and Megyn glimpsed at me with interest. I had no intention of returning to that sordid circle, but I didn’t want to hurt Quinn’s feelings, so I smiled and waved goodbye. Once his back was turned, I obscured my vision with my hat and dashed away from the site. As I headed home, I wondered how I could have a more private dialogue with Fawkes without appearing as though I wanted to become romantically involved with him again…

Later that day, I sat with a quill in my hand trying to free myself from a small bout of writer’s block. My black cat attempted to chew on the plume, so I gently scolded him, “No, Darcy! I need that! I can’t replace it! Well, I could, but I’d have to go somewhere besides the Rustic Retail! Perhaps it would be safe during the Quilting Bee… No, I’d better not risk it! I’ll see if Lynnbrook has a print shop!” Darcy batted at the feather, so I grabbed a ball of yarn and tossed it. “Here!” He furiously chased after it, and I laughed about how cute he was until…

There was a knock on the door! I became rather flabbergasted because almost no one dared to get close to my property! The only one who showed no fear with that was August, and the thought of him paying me a visit filled me with joy! I skipped to the entryway and eagerly yanked it open, but the reality of the situation hit me like a ton of bricks…

“Are you Missus Delaney?” the postal rider asked me.

“No!” I answered with anger beginning to bubble from within me.

The postal rider seemed confused by my growing hostility. “Uhh… Can you tell me when she’ll return?”

I seethed, “She’s never returning- she no longer exists!”

“She died?” the postal rider surmised.

“In a manner of speaking,” I expressed.

The postal rider connected the dots, and he verified his hunch, “Are you Clarinda?”

I folded my arms but certified this, “Yes!”

He breathed a sigh of relief as he handed me a letter. “Oh, splendid! This is for you!”

“I don’t want it!” I coldly stated.

“What? Why not?” His brows furrowed at this behavior. “You’ve got to at least be curious who is corresponding with you!”

Shaking my head, I briefed him, “I know who sent it! There’s only one person in this world who would have the audacity to call me by a name I denounced… You can tell my former mother-in-law that my identity is no longer absorbed by my husband! He’s gone, and I’m free to become whoever I choose to be! I refuse to pay the postage for whatever drivel she put in that envelope, and after you take it back to her, charge her double for your efforts!” The postal rider seemed intrigued by the monetary concept I raised, but he remained befuddled by everything else as he walked away.

I slammed the door and swiveled around to cool down from that exchange. I spotted Darcy with wide eyes on the table, and he sheepishly dropped my quill from his mouth. I emitted an exasperated exhale, and then I muttered, “Apparently, if I had any desire to do so, I couldn’t have responded to the old witch anyway!” As I peered at the plume’s rough shape, I contemplated the last part of my sentence and smiled. “Wouldn’t it be funny if the real Missus Delaney was related to Naenia?”

Three If by Broomstick, Chapter 11

The orange cat glared at me as I approached the chapel’s entrance, and I commented, “My goodness! You can really hold a grudge!” The cat continued to glare at me, so I apologized, “Okay, fine! I’m sorry! Next time I’m battling forces of evil, I’ll show more consideration for your feelings!”

“Look! She’s having a conversation with a cat!” Drusilla whispered to Cormac as they went through the church’s doors.

“Well, at least you’re more forgiving!” I communicated to the cat as I pet her. “My new kitty is going to be so jealous!” I remarked to her as she rubbed against my legs. I heard more people whispering about me, and I muttered, “If I didn’t need Reverend Halliwell’s help, I’d skip this service! Unless you know a way to get rid of troublemaking witches…” The cat suddenly darted off to chase after a cricket, and I articulated, “Well, that’s one way to do it, I suppose!”

When I went inside, there wasn’t a lot of room on the pews, and as I passed by several rows, many congregants scooted over so I would not see the free space. I wasn’t sure I would be able to get a seat, but then I heard Poppy bark, “Move over! You can’t be rude in the Lord’s house!” I glanced over to the other side, and Poppy patted the spot next to her. “Sit here, darling!”

I smiled as I roosted next to her. “Thank you!”

“No problem!” Poppy chimed. “We widows have got to stick together! Unless a handsome man walks in, then…!” I giggled and nodded as the pastor who owned the orange cat took his place at the pulpit.

“Welcome, friends and neighbors, to the Olde Amity Church and Meeting Hall!” Reverend Halliwell orated. “Today’s sermon is centered around judgment. John Eight: Seven, a woman is brought before Jesus with the accusation that she has committed adultery. The religious leaders say the punishment for that sin is to be stoned to death, but they leave the final verdict up to Jesus. Jesus says, ‘Let he who is without sin cast the first stone!’ Not one of them could do it! Remember, when making judgments against others, every single person is imperfect and worthy of forgiveness, so we should refrain from the condemnation of others! We must always look at each other with humility and kindness!”

Abigail heartily concurred, “Amen!” I ogled at her in shock at her hypocrisy, and under her breath, she hissed, “What are you looking at, wretch?” I was slightly stung by such a harsh insult, but mostly, I rolled my eyes at her duplicity and paid her no mind for the rest of the mass.

After the service was over, I waited in the back to stay out of the way of everyone who left. Most of the attendees ignored me, but one or two cast suspicious glances in my direction. After a minute or so, I heard John beseech his wife, “Abigail, no!”

“I know you’re behind all of those otherworldly occurrences!” Abigail seethed to me. “When I can prove it, I won’t hesitate to bring charges!”

“Go ahead! The person responsible certainly deserves to get punished!” I was referring to the traitor, but it amused me to picture Naenia getting a prison cell instead of the lavish lifestyle she was dreaming of.

Abigail got incensed by my mirth. “I don’t see what’s so comical about this! You should be begging for mercy for these atrocities!”

John timidly interrupted her tirade, “Is this going to take much longer? I’m rather famished, and you said you were going to make lunch…” Abigail glared at him, and he instantly backed off without any further objections.

“Listen, I don’t want to keep being stern, but this madness has got to cease! Can’t you please put an end to it?” Abigail austerely pleaded.

“That’s precisely what I’m trying to do!” I truthfully told her. She scoffed at that assertion, so I jested, “Congratulations, by the way!” Abigail glimpsed at me questioningly. “…For not bursting into flames on hallowed grounds!”

Abigail’s face reddened with fury, but before she could castigate me for this infraction, John chuckled at my quip. Abigail turned her animosity towards him, and knowing he was in serious trouble, he sped away as fast as possible. Abigail chased after him, and I was glad the drama was over prior to it reaching Reverend Halliwell’s ears so I could ask him for assistance…

Once the last of the worshippers left, I stood there awkwardly as Reverend Halliwell snuffed out candles. Meeting someone for the first time is always a bit uncomfortable, but the subject I wanted to discuss was a difficult one to bring up casually! I had no idea how I could discuss it without sounding outlandish, and while I wracked my brain in an attempt to concoct a consultation with this stranger that wouldn’t come across as strange…

He softly chortled, “Don’t be afraid to approach me! Didn’t you hear my sermon? I’m not going to judge you!”

“Oh! Of course! I just…” I stammered at his abrupt abandonment of pretense. “…You appeared busy, so I…”

“You worried I would condemn your hostility towards one of my congregants?” Reverend Halliwell guessed.

My face fell upon hearing that. “You caught wind of that?”

He kindly informed me, “My dear, the entire chapel caught wind of that! This place was built with acoustics that enhance speakers’ speeches, it’s kind of one of the main purposes of such a building!” I began to believe my quest with him had already come to an end so soon and hung my head in disappointment, but I perked back up after he erupted in laughter. “You responded beautifully!”

“Beautifully?” I questioned him. “But, I was mean!”

“Being a kind person does not mean being a doormat,” Reverend Halliwell sagely cited. “Jesus forgave his enemies, but he flipped tables too! Not that I judge Abigail either, but, well, her sense of justice can be a tad narrow-minded!”

I huffed, “Just a tad?”

Reverend Halliwell tittered, and then he invited me, “Come! Join me in the memorial park!”

As we walked through the small cemetery that abutted the postern of the church, I peered at the olden, weathered headstones and remarked, “My heavens, this town has been around longer than I thought!”

“Oh, yes! Colonists instantly recognized how valuable this land is! There is rich farmland, lumber, wildlife, rivers, over a hundred species of butterflies… Okay, that last one is more of my own interest, but still, it’s easy to see why the earliest colonists took it from the poor natives! And why the British want to take it from us!” Reverend Halliwell dismally shook his head.

“They’re not going to! Not if I can help it!” I mulled over how that probably sounded to him without knowing about Naenia, so I added, “And, by that, I mean if they tried to take the Round House from me, I’d put up a fight! I only just arrived in Lynnbrook days ago, I don’t want to leave already!” He didn’t have much of a reaction to my statement, and after a small bout of silence, I felt compelled to ask, “Forgive me, but… Why are we here? I appreciate your time, but the open air doesn’t seem to be the best site for an intimate conversation!” 

Reverend Halliwell filled me in, “Of course it is! You wished to speak in private, I presume? Well, visitors come in and out of the chapel frequently, but the souls here can’t hear anything anymore! Also, our neighbors tend to avoid the area! That’s about as close as they’ll get…”

He indicated to the tavern porch where half a dozen patrons were seated. Poppy, who was at a table full of young fellows, called out to me, “You have excellent tastes in men! I won’t act in jealousy- I’m happy for you!”

“When I spoke of intimate conversations, I didn’t mean that!” I let Reverend Halliwell know, hoping Poppy didn’t give him the wrong idea about my intentions…

“I figured as much! Poppy is… Well, she behaves differently from most of my flock! Luckily, there’s too much commotion over there for anyone to pick up on anything we discuss!” he reassured me. “Now, what is it that you wanted to talk about?”

I gingerly brought up, “Well, I have this… there’s a… uh… How do you get rid of evil spirits?”

Reverend Halliwell remarked, “Listen, I know Abigail is a difficult personality to get along with, but I wouldn’t say she’s evil!”

“No, no! I meant getting rid of them from a certain location!” I corrected his misimpression.

“Oh, you mean from the Round House? Holy water and prayer are easy fixes…” he relayed to me.

I let him know, “Actually, I’m referring to a much larger space, a space outdoors…”

Reverend Halliwell scratched his head in confusion. “Do you mean an entire city? I’ve never heard of doing such a thing…”

“Well, it’d be more of a protective measure than anything since nothing has happened indoors so far…” I sincerely hoped that he had even the slightest clue about how to handle a predicament like this, but the expression on his face suggested otherwise. I was going to keep trying for a little longer, but then…

“Aah! Leonard! What’s happening to you?” a man on the tavern terrace shouted.

I craned my neck in that direction, and I beheld a bloke with his head completely shrouded in fog! Leonard’s posture didn’t indicate that he felt like he was in distress though as he broadcasted, “I think I want to smooch Poppy!”

The man exclaimed, “Egads! He’s cursed!”

“Hey! What makes you think he’s not simply enchanted by me?” Poppy challenged the man.

“And we shall have three dozen children!” Leonard vehemently proclaimed.

Poppy dejectedly assessed, “Okay, he’s cursed!”

A woman with a tray of drinks posed to Poppy, “What did you believe would happen with his noggin covered like that?” Poppy pouted, and the barmaid canvassed the group, “Alright, who ordered the…?” The barmaid didn’t finish her sentence because a fog veiled her as well! She paused for a moment, and then she queried, “What am I doing here again? I can’t remember a thing! …Why is my arm so heavy?”

The bbarmaiddropped her tray, and the contents of the containers spread everywhere! Before I could react to this fiasco, I heard Naenia snickering from behind the tall, iron fence! I swiveled around and growled, “You!” I reached through the hole in the fence in an attempt to seize her, but she disappeared, so all I got was a fistful of a tall, leafy plant!

“Uh-uh-uh! Violence is never the answer!” Reverend Halliwell gently chided me.

“I wasn’t going to behave violently! I was just going to-!” I started to defend myself, but then I strove to formulate an explanation that would not require lying to a holy person.

Poppy bemoaned, “Oh no! The cataracts have finally overtaken me! This is not how I wanted to visit a doctor!”

I was irritated that the villainous witch slipped away, but I didn’t have time to chase her! I ran over to the terrace and announced, “I’m here to help!”

“Help with what?” the barmaid inquired. “Do we know each other?”

“Not yet! I’m…” I replied. I caught sight of the leafy, green branches in my palm, and I tossed them down onto the table. “Why am I still holding this?”

A fog started to form around the man who was Leonard’s friend, and he panickedly asked me, “What do we do?”

I answered, “Uh…”

“You don’t have a plan?” he shrieked. “We’re doomed!”

“No, you’re not! You could…” I surveyed the scenery to find anything that might be worth a try, and I spotted the candle on the table. “Hold the light up to your face!”

The man groped around the table. “Which one is the candle?”

He grabbed the discarded plant, and I yelled, “No, not that!” To my surprise, the fog began to lift! I shifted my stance, “Actually, yes, that!”

I held the plant up to Leonard, the barmaid, and Poppy, and slowly, they were all returned to normal! Leonard peered at the plant crossly and complained, “Rosemary? I said I wanted an ale!”

“Never fear! I have your…!” The barmaid looked around and didn’t see his beverage anywhere. “Where did it go?”

“What happened?” Poppy petitioned me.

I didn’t know how to respond. “Well, there was a… um… strange weather front that…”

Poppy corrected me, “No, I meant with Arthur! Are you two courting or what?” She coquettishly waved to Reverend Halliwell. I buried my head in my hands, and she inferred, “Is that a no?”

I spotted Naenia nearby- she glowered at me and disappeared. Thinking about my lack of progress in stopping her, I sighed, “I’m going to go home and pray!”

Three If by Broomstick, Chapter 10

The fog began to set into the forest as I walked along the path. I had just finished arguing with the Hawthornes about it not being creepy to go into the woods alone, so I was determined not to show fear, but the eerie glow the land now possessed did make it a bit spooky! I reassured myself, “There’s nothing to be afraid of! The mist isn’t going to inspire wicked creatures to come out! People use this trail all the time without incident; it’s not a big deal!” I spotted the wildberry bush I was looking for, and I told myself, “See! I made it here without incident!” As I began to fill my basket, I continued to think out loud, “I’m going to get what I need to make a pie, and I’m going to leave! Nothing to it! It’s not like anything is going to sneak up and attack me…”

A twig snapped above me, and I jumped in fright! Nothing ambushed me, but I felt certain that something was there, so I challenged the perpetrator, “Show yourself, you fiend!” I heard some soft hooting in the branches, and suddenly I feared that something wasn’t there and that I had behaved defensively for nothing. I cautiously peeked up at the treetop just in case it was a monster deploying a ruse, and it appeared to be an ordinary owl! I ruefully concluded, “I’m going crazy! I must be crazy- I’m talking to myself, after all!”

“Aw! I thought you were conversing with me!” Naenia remarked as she materialized next to me.

“Egads!” Once again, I jumped in fright. “How in the name of Merlin could I have been talking to you? I didn’t even realize you were here until a few seconds ago!”

Naenia shrugged. “I thought maybe you sensed my presence- it’s been known to happen! I give off an aura of power, determination, wit-!”

I interrupted her, “What do you want?”

“You’re so impolite!” Naenia huffed.

“Why should I show any manners to the person who’s cursing this town?” I rejoindered. I mulled it over for a moment, and then I inquired, “Unless you’re here to apologize and call this whole saga off…?”

Naenia feigned sympathy, “Oh, what’s the matter? You’re not enjoying my hexes?”

I surmised, “So, that would be a no then?”

“Ha! If your town is aggravated from my ‘saga,’ then that means I’m doing my job!” Naenia cackled in a fiendish fashion.

“It’s annoying, but none of your stunts have had anyone contemplating leaving Lynnbrook!” I replied to her.

Naenia didn’t seem worried about my response. “Well, I’m just getting started! Do you really believe that people will stick around with the constant threat of getting jinxed hanging over their heads?”

I shot back, “Some people might want to escape, but it’s not easy to find a house readily available in the area! Trust me!”

“Oh, really? You don’t think they’d abandon everything if they believed this region was haunted?” Naenia contended. “A constable abandoned his duties and ll of his possessions over something that spooked him, and his friends and neighbors are still afraid to go near his property! Soon, they will designate this whole territory as bewitched, and they’ll flee faster than-!” The owl above us deficated on her purple dress, and I’m not certain how she was originally going to finish that sentence, but now she completed it with, “…Faster than I can zap this filth off of me!”

“They’re not going anywhere because…!” I scooted away from the owl’s trajectory just in case. “…Because I’m going to stop you! Most of them are self-absorbed gossip mongers, but they still don’t deserve to get kicked out of their homes because your employer is licking the boots of the Red Coats! Do you feel proud of yourself for abetting the scallywags?”

Naenia emotionlessly responded, “I’m going to be rich when they come, and I don’t care what the rest of you think!”

I quarreled, “Do you really think the British will still want to come after reports circle back to them that their coveted county is plagued with evil spirits?”

Clearly, Naenia hadn’t considered that possibility! She grew worried for a minute, but then she brushed it off, “Ah, I’m sure my employer must have informed them of the plan. It would be pretty foolish for them to lay out an intricate plot like this and not explain it to their superiors!” Naenia chortled at that concept, but then she appeared slightly disturbed as she ruminated on the matter.

After a few seconds of an awkward silence elapsing, I probed, “Seriously, why are you here? Are you bored or something?”

“No! Well, perhaps a little! Mainly, I wanted to check in with you and see how you’re feeling” Naenia divulged.

“You wanted to see how I was feeling?” I stared at peculiarly. “Golly, I thought I was losing it! Great, we have a powerful witch in our midst who’s lost her wits! Between you and King George, we have too many madmen in a position of power!”

Naenai clarified herself, “You’re the one who’s gone mad, you simpleton! I don’t care about your emotional well-being! How are you feeling about the pox I’ve laid upon Lynnbrook?”

I balked at that enquiry, “I ‘love’ it, obviously! What kind of question is that?”

“Do you hate it? Do you absolutely loathe it? Is it the source of constant headaches and nightmares?” Naenia interrogated me.

“No, but if you keep talking, I may be able to change my answer about the headaches!” I retorted.

After blinking in shock, Naenia catechized, “Are you serious? I’m not causing you the least bit of stress?”

I affirmed, “I didn’t say that! Naturally, you’re a pain in the posterior, but I’ve led a difficult life, so it’s pretty old hat to me!”

“So, you’re not tempted to give up and abandon your defense against my dark arts?” Naenia conjectured.

“That’s the purpose behind this conversation?” I exclaimed. “I already told you I’m not going to let you win! You’re wasting your time if you’re aiming to convince me to surrender!”

Naenia growled, “Don’t tell me I’m wasting my time! You keep sounding exactly like my dream-crushing mother!”

I observed, “You’ve mentioned her in a couple of instances now! Evidently, you and she have some unresolved issues! Do you want to discuss them?”

“No!” Naenia barked.

“Good! Because I didn’t really want to hear about them anyway! I was simply being polite!’ I conveyed to her.

Naenia seethed, “You want to keep playing this game? Fine! How long do you think you can last?”

I gestured in a style that indicated my lack of insight on the topic she raised. “I’m an unemployed, childless widow- I have plenty of time on my hands.”

“Well, the best of luck to you in this next phase!” Naenia darkly bade me as she disappeared.

“I don’t need luck!” I shouted to her as she faded. “I have my cleverness and perseverance. They’ve gotten me out of plenty of tough scrapes before, and they can do it again! I’ll overcome any challenge you set forth, you’ll see! I will not get defeated by this chaos!” The owl dedicated close to me, and I posed to it, “How much do you have to go?”

A couple of male voices echoed back to me from a distance, and I swiftly returned to picking berries. I stepped onto the small mound they were situated on, and I turned my back to the road behind me in hopes that they would ignore me and continue en route to wherever they were going. I could hear the travelers pause their footsteps, and I grimaced as I anticipated another tedious discussion…

To my surprise, August pleasantly greeted me, “Hey! I’ve finally found you in an upright position!” I was so startled by his abrupt appearance that I lost my balance and fell backwards! He caught me, and he joked, “I guess I spoke too soon!”

I giggled at his quip, but when I stood up, the smile floated off of my face as I found myself standing so close to him. His eyes were entrancing, and he had a musk to him that made my heart beat wildly! He possessed a pull that tempted me to get even closer to him and show some affection, and when he gazed at me so intensely, I wanted to melt right into his arms! I swore he inched nearer to me, but preceding me finding out for sure…

“Is everything alright, dear?” Doctor Crane checked in with me.

“Yes!” I instantly snapped my attention back into place, and I shifted myself away from August to hopefully not rouse any suspicions in Doctor Crane. I reckoned that since his profession involved a lot of discretion, he would not engage in any rumor spreading, but I still didn’t want to take any chances! I felt slightly flustered, but I did my best to portray a nonchalant demeanor to him. “Why do you ask?”

Doctor Crane filled me in, “Well, we heard you speaking to someone, but there doesn’t appear to be anyone around…”

At first, my stomach plummeted under the presumption that they overheard my conversation with Naenia because I didn’t want either of these two to believe I was insane- having an attractive person deem you as cracked is a devastating dilemma, but the doctor could have actually diagnosed me as brainsick, so I was more concerned about him! Actually, it would have been fine if they had heard her voice since it would prove she existed, but Doctor Crane said he didn’t see anyone around for me to be discoursing with; he may have been leaning toward that label for me after all! I didn’t want to get carted off to the asylum, so I had to come up with a good excuse for my actions fast…

“I was praying!” I fibbed. “Things have been quite arduous lately, so I felt compelled to ask for comfort!”

“That’s understandable! I’ve heard there’s been a lot of commotion in these quarters recently,” August sympathized.

It soothed me that he had such empathy for my plight, but his statement also got my curiosity piqued. “What did they tell you about this commotion?”

He shook his head. “Not much. Some individuals indicated that there had been some minor incidents that were out of the ordinary for Lynnbrook, and I doubt it’s a coincidence that it started occurring after I began my mission to find the traitor! Someone is making mischief on behalf of the British, and I’m going to find them and punish them soundly for this atrocity!”

This avowal conflicted me as always due to the fact that I couldn’t spill my secret to him. I stood there uncomfortably without any inkling of how to respond to August, but thankfully, I didn’t have to. Doctor Crane verbalized, “Don’t let this worry you any further- stress is a terrible burden on your health! You’ll be alright if you do what relaxes you to balance your humours out, but I have a tonic at my apothecary that might help you with this if you’re interested…”

“Could you share it with the rest of the town?” August kidded. “A lot of people here seem rather uptight!” I laughed at the truth in his assessment.

“I could, but getting people to actually take their medicine is quite the struggle!” Doctor Crane rubbed his temples in frustration.

From the entryway to the woods, Abigail’s voice rang out, “Captain Owens! My husband would like a word with you!”

August sighed, “Coming!” He gave me a polite tip of the hat, and he asserted, “I’ll see you soon, I’m sure!”

“See you soon!” I would’ve gladly followed him if it had been anyone else calling for him! It was a bit disappointing to watch him walk away, but I enjoyed watching him nonetheless as my thoughts strayed to romantic fantasies where he became my suitor…

“Well, I best be off! If anyone asks, I went foraging for herbs!” Doctor Crane waved as he went in the opposite course as August.

My brows furrowed as to why he would say something so cryptic, but I knew him long enough to trust him, so I opted not to question him about it. The owl defecated on the rocks beside me again, and I communicated to the creature, “Perhaps when the doctor is back, he can give you a cure for your digestive issues!”

Three If by Broomstick, Chapter 9

I took a deep breath, and I consoled myself, “It’s okay, you can do this! It may be scary, but you’ve faced fearsome situations before, and you can do it again! If you want to stop that witch from cursing the whole town and help August complete his quest, you need to do it! It’s a risk, but you can recover! It’ll all be worth it in the end! Time to face your destiny…”

“Welcome to Colonial Draper!” Quinn jovially greeted me. When he saw that I was the one who entered into his shop, he smiled warmly. “Clarinda! You’ve come for the Sewing Bee!”

“Yes! I certainly have!” I plastered a grin onto my face, but I spotted Annabel and Megyn eagerly peeking their heads out from a back room, and I was already regretting this decision. 

Quinn seemed pleased by this development. “Great! Well, some of the ladies have already gathered, so feel free to join in!”

I thanked him, and as I walked towards the room, my heart pumped wildly in apprehension of this event. So far, none of my interactions with the gossip mongers ended well, and mentally, I was preparing myself to deal with more chaos. I tried not to think so negatively, though as I entered into the wolves’ den though- too much was at stake for me to fail!

“Hello, Clarinda!” Annabel and Megyn chimed in unison as they resumed stitching their old clothing like they hadn’t just witnessed my arrival.

“Wow! You came here?” Poppy glimpsed at me in surprise. “Huh! So, we didn’t scare you off the other day?”

I giggled at her honest assessment, “Not quite!” Since it was only the three of them there, I relaxed as I sat down at the large table and determined that this assignment might not be so bad after all. “How is everyone doing?”

Abigail’s voice unexpectedly broadcasted, “Well, well, well!” Inwardly, I was grimacing, but outwardly, I gazed at her in confusion. Abigail shifted her approach and addressed me, “I mean, we’re doing well! It’s so nice to see you! What have we got here?”

“Gadzooks! That cheap linen almost looks like silk!” Annabel remarked.

“It is silk!’ I let her know.

Annabel didn’t look abashed in the least. “Oh! I hope you didn’t pay too much for it!”

I filled her in, “Actually, my late husband got it as a gift as he traded with merchants in Morocco! He wanted me to sleep comfortably as he frequently traveled for business.”

“Ooh! How did your bedware get mangled? Did things get a bit… passionate?” Megyn questioned me with a salacious smirk.

“Passionate with Thorn? Definitely not!” I emphatically denied that premise.

Megyn gushed, “Oh! It was with someone other than your late husband, then?”

I adamantly stated, “No! It wasn’t anything sordid at all! I was paring down my toenails, and I accidentally stabbed it!”

“A little advice, dear: next time, invent a lover and say they did it! That’s a much more interesting story!” Poppy recommended.

“Right…” I didn’t want to explain to her why I wasn’t interested in doling out any suggestive sagas to this bunch, but I wasn’t positive on how else to respond except to return to chatting about my sheet. “Well, I didn’t take a lot from the estate before I sold it since the Round House came fully furnished, but I thought it would be good to use my own bedding. If that Brom Sanderson left in a hurry, I doubt he took the time to wash anything before taking off!”

Abigail dismissively responded to that, “Oh, please! Brom Sanderson was as clean-cut as it comes! He did everything by-the-book, so I highly doubt he left anything unclean!”

Poppy rebuffed her assertion, “Come now, Abigail! He may have been an insufferable do-gooder, but he was still a man! He spent all of his time patrolling the streets, when did he pause to launder his linens?”

I saw a doorway to naturally bring up the traitor, so I swiftly went through it. “It’s too bad he didn’t stick around! It sounds like if anyone could’ve found the scoundrel passing on secrets to the British, it would’ve been him!”

“Aye! He would’ve sniffed him out in a minute!” Annabel concurred. “That’s probably why they waited until he left to strike!”

“How could anyone get away with such a heinous atrocity?” I posed to the group. “I mean, most of you knew my life story the moment I set foot in Lynnbrook! How did no one see anything?”

Megyn pointed out, “Well, anyone up to no good isn’t about to do it in front of us! It’s not like anyone in our circle is capable of keeping a secret!”

Annabel disagreed, “That’s not true! If necessary, we’re more than capable of keeping our mouths shut!”

“What about that time when I was inebriated and tore Mister Roland’s curtains? He was about to blame the cat until you blabbed!” Megyn brought up.

“That was me?” Annabel blinked in surprise. “Hmm, I must’ve been pretty inebriated too!”

I surmised, “So, you guys don’t have any idea who may have done it? Nobody noticed anything strange occurring lately?”

Poppy put in, “Well, there was one thing… When I was outside of Harvest Town Tavern, I saw a mysterious old lady staring at me! I asked her why she was doing it, and she didn’t say! I got closer and closer to her, and…” My veins coursed with the excitement of discovery! Finally, someone else had seen Naenia besides me! My anticipation piqued, but then Poppy went on, “…It turned out to be my reflection! I forgot how old I was for a minute! I don’t feel like I’m seventy-six! At least not until I try to read small print- eyesight isn’t what it used to be!”

“Were you also inebriated?” I kidded. I tried to make light of that moment and hide the heavy disappointment I felt for not getting a valuable clue to this mystery. 

“That’s what Aldrich said!” Poppy recalled. “I surprised him so much, he dropped a big bag of coins on the street! As he picked it up, I explained to him I was just having a senior moment, but I think he was still mad that I scared him! He ran away pretty quickly!”

Abigail leveled with me, “Listen, if any of us had any information that would help catch that reprobate, we certainly wouldn’t keep it secret! Especially her- she’d love any excuse to talk to that handsome soldier patrolling our town!” Poppy nodded vigorously in agreement. My face fell in dismay at not attaining the goal I so ardently desired, but prior to me getting to contemplate my emotions any further, Abigail probed, “So, how did your beloved husband meet his demise anyway?”

I instantly wanted to drop my sheet and take my chances with Brom Sanderson’s bedding! Not only did they not possess the facts I sought, but they were going to press me on a subject that caused me a great deal of pain and embarrassment! As I considered my next move, I attempted to play their game without letting them get too far ahead. “He succumbed to an incurable disease!”

“Uh-huh!” Abigail clearly didn’t believe my assertion. “And, what disease is that?” I hadn’t been lying, but I chastised myself for revealing that because the nature of his ailment would give away the scandal I endured! I sat frozen striving to figure out how to proceed, and then…

“Lawks a mercy me!” Quinn cried out. “Something drastic is happening at the meeting hall!”

I breathed a sigh of relief, “Oh, thank goodness!” The ladies of the Sewing Bee glimpsed at me in startlement, and I fibbed, “Thorn’s passing is too difficult for me to discuss, that’s all! Um, now, if you’ll excuse me, I must go assist with that emergency!” I almost wanted to thank that bloody witch in that moment- it turns out I preferred to fight dark magic rather than divulge details on my personal life!

When I arrived at the small, white chapel, I saw three men running around with fire surrounding them! It was a shocking sight, but it didn’t seem supernatural until I recognized that the building they came out of was perfectly untarnished. A blazing ring encircled each individual, and I heard Naenia’s cackle emanate from behind me. I snapped, “Oh, don’t give me that! It’s not like this will be that hard to take care of!” Several bystanders peered at me in appall, and all I could do was give them an awkward smile. 

“Don’t worry, Harvey! I’m putting it out, my son!” An older lady hurled a wooden pail full of water onto the young, blonde man, but it didn’t do much more than make his hair and clothing soaking wet! Huffing slightly, Harvey’s mother commented, “I don’t have the stamina for another trip to the well!”

“Wait, why aren’t you burning?” a young, brunette man near Harvey queried as he watched this phenomenon in shock.

Harvey spat, “Disappointed, are you, Joshua? If I were to perish, you would be free to woo the fair maiden, Melissa!”

Joshua shot back, “Of course not! I hadn’t even thought of that… Although…”

“Not this again!” one of the other men on fire reacted to the tension between Harvey and Joshua. “We spent the entire town council meeting listening to them quarrel!”

“What? With all of the important things going on, our government wasted precious time with petty arguments?” an onlooker exclaimed.

The third man on fire observed, “I’m on fire, but I don’t feel a thing! Well, that’s not true- the flames are making me rather hot!” He panted a little as he aired out his shirt. “I’m so tempted to take off all of my clothes!”

From a window inside of Colonial Draper, Poppy excitedly endorsed this idea, “Yes! Oh, please do!”

“Tough luck, my friend! Well, I’d best be off! Melissa will undoubtedly need comforting when she learns of this!’ Joshua started to vacate the vicinity, but then he unexpectedly combusted! “Oh, tarnation!”

“I wish I could help you fellas, but I’m feeling a tad feverish from that run to the well!” Harvey’s mother looked down, and she noticed that she, too, had gone ablaze! “Oh! I suppose I’m fine! Well, maybe fine isn’t the right word…”

As they began to slump over while they fanned themselves, I advised them, “Try rolling around on the ground!”

Harvey’s mother refused, “Listen, with my bad knees, I can’t be doing that! I probably wouldn’t be able to get back up again!”

“Well, you can’t just walk around on fire for the rest of your days!” the second running man articulated.

“Oh, fiddle! I’m going through the change of life- it’s not that different!” Harvey’s mother countered.

I bemoaned, “Oh, there must be something to stop this madness!” I was beginning to lose hope, but then I heard Naenia’s cackling again, and my thoughts became more determined than ever to defeat her. I studied my surroundings to see what might be helpful, and finally, something by the meeting hall caught my eye…

A gray-haired pastor beseeched an orange kitty, “Please, get off of the sand! I have a lot of things to do, but I have to put this away first!” The kitty refused to get off of the bag, but when I went over, I had no qualms with letting the kitty gently slide off as I retrieved the item beneath it. The kitty had an attitude about this action, and the pastor carped, “Thanks a lot! Now I have to deal with this all night!”

I ignored him as I crossed my fingers in hopes that this would work. I poured some sand on Harvey, and he complained, “No! I’m still wet! That’s gonna stick to my garments!”

The fire was extinguished! I treated the other three, and naturally, I didn’t get a single thank you. Joshua breathily asked Harvey’s mother, “Did you happen to save any of that water?”

“No! And I’m not making another trip either! One of you youngsters should do it!” Harvey’s mother answered. No one budged, so she lied, “Melissa is over there!” Suddenly, both young men sprang to life and sped in that direction. “Take the bucket, you ninnies!”

“What did I miss?” Aldrich catechized as he stepped out of the meeting hall and viewed the aftermath of this debacle. I saw Naenia’s purple fabric disappear around the corner, and I let out an exasperated exhale.

Three If by Broomstick, Chapter 8

Drusilla whispered to Cormac, “Look at her! She’s clearly up to no good!”

Pretending I couldn’t hear them, I continued to chop up the plants I brought in from my garden. “This ought to be good!” I commented under my breath.

“Aye!” Cormac concurred with his wife. “This must be where all the mayhem starts!”

“What kind of spell do you think she’s brewing?” Drusilla pondered.

I couldn’t resist correcting such an obvious error. “Um, you brew potions, not spells!”

Cormac shot back, “Well, you would know, wouldn’t you?”

“I thought everyone knew that until now!” I threw my hands up in frustration.

“Lord, have mercy! Her knife has blood on it!” Drusilla reacted in aghast.

After I held up a tomato, I illuminated them, “I’m making soup for supper!” I put a small cauldron onto the table, and I heard them gasp. I rolled my eyes and brought up, “Do you know another way of making soup?”

Cormac responded, “Not really! The help takes care of our cooking!” He gestured toward Rue, Hazel, and Dill harvesting large pumpkins in the back of their field.

“Well, you can continue to watch me if you like. Perhaps you’ll learn something!” I offered in hopes that they would not take me up on that offer and leave.

“Oh, no! That looks like too much work!” Drusilla refused. “We’re already exhausted from watching those three toil away!”

Cormac recommended to Drusilla, “Speaking of which, I’m growing faint watching them labor away like that! Let’s resume our walk before I faint!”

Drusilla agreed with her husband, and once their backs were turned, I rolled my eyes and shook my head. I couldn’t decide which part of their ridiculousness bothered me most, but ultimately, I decided to let that negativity go. I mumbled, “They’re gone now! I’m just going to forget about them and enjoy this quiet evening alone!” I heard Drusilla and Cormac screaming in the near distance, and after I emitted an exasperated exhale, I threw down my utensils and headed to help them.

I went down the path and found the two of them cowering by the edge of the forest. I needled the pair, “What’s the matter? Did you catch a glimpse of a woodsman performing a difficult task?” 

“There’s something in there!” Cormac shakily pointed to a nearby bush.

“You mean besides leaves?” I felt slightly hypocritical for teasing them when it wasn’t that long ago I got spooked by every little movement occurring in my garden, but these two weren’t very nice to me, so I esteemed that my actions were justified.

The bush shook a little, and Drusilla snapped, “Do you know any leaves that can do that?”

I joked, “No, I haven’t heard of shaking bushes, but I have heard of climbing vines!” The Hawthornes glared at me, and after the bush shook again, I questioned them, “Have you ruled out wild animals? They do tend to occupy these quarters…”

“Oh, don’t give us that!” Drusilla spat. “We heard about the curses inflicted upon our neighbors! We’re good friends with an eyewitness- Abigail!”

“Of course you are!” My inclination to assist them was waning, but at this juncture, if I didn’t do all I could to alleviate the problem, the entire town would hear about it. I didn’t want to cause further stress for myself by dealing with more vicious rumors, so I forced myself to stay. I sighed, and then I asked the terrible twosome, “So, you didn’t see what went in there?”

Cormac answered, “No! We were walking by it, and suddenly, it started growling! I nearly wet myself, I got so frightened!”

I snorted at that image, and when they looked at me in appall, I pretended I was holding off a sneeze. I then assured them, “It’s okay! Whatever it is, I’ll uncover it!”

“Without any weapons? How much is that going to benefit us if you can’t even fight back?” Cormac badgered me. “Why didn’t you bring that bloody knife?”

“For the last time, it’s tomato juice!” I reeled back my temper, and I conveyed to them, “If it’s anything supernatural, I’ll figure out how to defeat it later. So far, I’ve been able to stave off each hex with remedies I found in my surroundings, and I can’t imagine this situation would be any different! The first step is to determine what exactly we’re dealing with, so let’s take a peek…”

Since those two were acting so chicken-hearted, I aimed to appear completely aloof. As I got closer to the bush, that was becoming a harder and harder feat to pull off. Something was definitely moving frantically in there, and I grew less and less confident that I would vacate the vicinity unscathed. I had no choice but to investigate the cause of this commotion, but as I anticipated what peril may prevail, my heart was beating wildly. My palms were starting to sweat as I pulled back its branches…

I gasped when I saw the culprit, which caused Cormac and Drusilla to panic. Drusilla wailed, “We’re dead! I knew it! We’re all going to die! We’re dying!”

“No one is going to get killed unless one of you is allergic to kitties!” I gestured to the inside of the bush where a slender black feline was struggling to free its claw from the shrub’s thick roots. Its ears were down, and its eyes were wide from fear, so my heartstrings were instantly pulled. “Oh, you poor thing! Let me free you from this misery!”

“No!” Cormac beseeched me. “If you release it, you’ll unleash the true horror this monster will bring!”

I briefly ceased my actions and considered that notion, but after mulling it over, I concluded, “If that creature was a ruse for something more dangerous, I am fairly certain that it would have struck by now! I mean, why wait?”

Cormac couldn’t argue with that logic. It appeared as though he wanted to, but he couldn’t come up with anything that would contradict me. I lifted its claw, and a part of me expected his outlandish theory to prove itself correct, but instead, the sweet animal leapt out of its enclosure and began purring as it rubbed its head against me. I gave it a hug and joshed the pestilent pair, “Cutest monster ever, don’t you think?”

“Hmpf!” Drusilla pouted. “Oh well! At least that nuisance can be out of our lives for good now!”

“Oh no! You’re all dirty!” I addressed the critter as I plucked some leaves out of its fur. “Don’t worry- I’ll take you home and get you cleaned up!”

Drusilla groaned, and Cormac grumbled, “I knew we had good cause to be afraid of the beast- it’s a familiar!”

I picked the cat up and riposted, “It’s not a familiar! And don’t judge it so harshly- it’s not the one acting like a complete pussycat right now!” They recoiled at my scathing slight, and I smirked as I swiveled around and returned home. When they were out of earshot, I speculated on whether or not it could have belonged to Naenia, and I queried the kitty, “You’re not a familiar, are you?” It gazed at me with adoring eyes, and I decreed, “No, I don’t think you are!”

Later that day, I strolled into the town square with an envelope in my hand. I found a young man waiting by a pole, and he seemed friendly enough, so I petitioned him, “Excuse me! Do you know where the post rider picks up his-?” The young man’s face paled, and he abruptly fled from me, screaming! I let out a frustrated moan, but before I could approach anyone else…

“Where are the scoundrels? Ooh, I knew that British scum would strike eventually! Let me at them! I’ll…” Aldrich burst into the vicinity with a bunch of bravado, but when he saw nothing heinous in our surroundings, he instantly lost his bluster. “Oh! So… no one is getting attacked?”

“Sorry to disappoint you, but everything is fine!” I huffed as I remained miffed over that irrational interaction.

Aldrich’s brows furrowed. “Then, why was that lad raving like a lunatic?”

If he didn’t have any recollection of the rumors spreading about me, I wasn’t about to enlighten him! I simply shrugged and fibbed, “I haven’t the slightest clue!”

“Oh! Of course! I should have known why he did it…!” Aldrich exclaimed. I grew apprehensive that I would have to defend myself against witchy allegations he was sure to make, but to my surprise, he hypothesized, “He’s on edge because of the traitor in our midsts! I can’t blame him for acting a little loony!” 

“Absolutely!” I chimed. I wasn’t going to discourage anything that took the blame away from me!

Aldrich conversed, “He’s not the only one to display bizarre behavior! Why, just yesterday, I heard a piece of gossip saying that someone was using dark magic! Can you believe that?”

Archibald hobbled over and put in, “Yes! I told you there was mischief running amok in this town! Was it you?” He used a knobby finger to indicate to me. 

“We’ve been over this!” I reminded him.

“Really? We have?” Archibald frowned in befuddlement.

Gently pushing him aside, Aldrich suggested to Archibald, “Why don’t you go looking for witches over there?” As Archibald hobbled away, Aldrich spotted someone across the square and jovially informed the person, “Oh, don’t worry about that commotion! It was a false alarm! …Again!”

I glanced over to the direction he was looking at, and my heart skipped a beat when I saw that the recipient of Aldrich’s hollering was August! He caught sight of me and smiled, and I wished I could run into his arms right then and there! He was so sweet and comforting that I could already feel my stress melt away, and I could have really used that kind of soothing tranquility after all I went through recently! My pulse quickened when I thought he was going to come to me, but that didn’t happen…

“Hear ye, hear ye!” the town crier rang out. Everyone ceased their activity to listen to him, and he dramatically announced, “My name is Fawkes, and this is the news! General Washington is in the process of evacuating Manhattan, and this is after already losing the city to the British following the Battle of Brooklyn a couple of months ago! The situation seems bleak for the Americans since they no longer have control of a prominent region in New York…”

“Hmm… There’s something funny about the news Fawkes produces!” I opined.

Aldrich blinked in shock. “Really? I don’t find what he said the least bit comical!”

I corrected his misinterpretation, “No, no! What I meant was… Doesn’t his information sound a little unpatriotic?”

“Not really!” Aldrich casually disagreed. “He’s merely being honest! The British have the most powerful military in the world, and our men are rather untrained and ill-equipped! Last winter, some of our men lost toes because they didn’t have proper shoes for the snow! Those dastardly Red Coats with their fancy footwear! Ooh, I hate them!”

“I see…” I didn’t want to believe that about our side, but I didn’t want to quarrel with someone who was at least being cordial with me. Instead, I gingerly broached Aldrich, “So… You have the utmost trust in your town crier?”

Aldrich adamantly affirmed, “Of course! It takes a real friend to deliver such forthrightness! He can be brutal sometimes, sure, especially after he’s drunk a few pints of ale, but…! Speaking of which, I’m due to meet Percy at Harvest Town Tavern after this. Do you want me to take that letter? The post rider gets most of his mail from there.”

After mumbling a quick thank you, I handed him my envelope as we carried on with absorbing what Fawkes was spewing. Perhaps Aldrich didn’t suspect that his drinking companion was capable of any crimes, but I certainly questioned his motives…

Three If by Broomstick, Chapter 7

I hitched Cole to a post near a sign that read: Millstream Papery, and I noticed a gaggle of girls by the factory entrance. They were preening and primping themselves with an air of excitement, and a part of me was curious about what they were anticipating, but ultimately, I concluded, “No, I’m not going to ask!” Cole stared at me questioningly, so I explained myself, “I just want to get my paper and go home! Whatever they’re doing is probably very silly! Besides, we should stay away from crowds and remove Naenia’s temptation to curse us all!” An older gentleman did a double-take as he passed by me, so I clarified, “I’m a novelist!” He accepted my oddity and went along his way, and I relayed to Cole, “We’re not going to bother anyone! We’re going to have a nice, normal day!”

“Clarinda! Hello!” Abigail called out to me.

“Hello!” I genially waved, but then I tried to dash into the building.

Abigail verbally halted my movement, “What’s your hurry? Come, join us!”

I sincerely hoped that I could politely decline my way out of joining that trivial talk! “Perhaps next time! Please, excuse me!”

“Sure, you can space us a couple of minutes!” Abigail urged me.

“Couldn’t I spare you those minutes on another day?” I crossed my fingers that my quip would get me out of this situation, but I sincerely doubted that it would.

A very short, elderly lady encouraged me, “Oh, come over, darling! We don’t bite! Well, I do, but I’m saving my best moves for the men in there!”

I furrowed my brows at that notion. “Best moves? Are you planning on attacking the men in the paper mill?” 

“We’re here to entice the fellows into our web of love and keep them ensnared to fulfill our every desire!” the elderly lady briefed me.

“That still sort of sounds like you’re attacking them!” I observed.

Another woman in the group enlightened me, “We’re here to try and find a husband.”

I was going to wish them luck in that venture and go into the shop, but Abigail’s presence in this conquest intrigued me. After all of the dirt she collected on me, it seemed like I finally had some on her! I approached the flock and addressed Abigail, “But, you’ve already got a husband! What in the heavens would you be doing here? Didn’t you promise John to love him forever?”

To my dismay, Abigail didn’t even flinch at the accusation I presented. She smirked as she notified me, “Oh, please! I’m not here for a lover! I followed them here to gather details on how this effort fared! John is fine with it! Actually, he supported it- he says he can get more work done when I’m not around!”

“That sounds about right!” I couldn’t pretend I wasn’t disappointed by that rationale, but it did amuse me that her spouse got annoyed by her presence.

“Would you care to join us?” a third woman invited me.

I was prepared to issue a kind no, but then Abigail rejected that proposal, “Oh, no, Annabel! She’s still saddened about her departed husband! At least, that’s what she claimed in our store! That was accurate, wasn’t it? You are upset about his recent demise, aren’t you, dear?”

She looked at me sharply, monitoring me for the slightest hint of deception. I couldn’t muster any real sorrow for his loss, but if I didn’t act tearful about Thorn’s death, she was sure to paint me as a vile villainess! I wasn’t certain on what to do, but thankfully, I had a bit of luck for once when that elderly lady came to my defense, “Don’t be daft, Abigail! I can say from experience that the best method of getting over someone is to get under someone else! Don’t judge her for wanting a little action! Her husband may be dead, but she’s not!”

“That’s right!” I concurred. Or, at least I did until I realized what she had committed me to do… “Oh, but I don’t…!” 

“Don’t worry! It’s probably been a while since you’ve entertained a gentleman caller, but we’ll show you how it’s done!” Annabel remarked.

The second young woman tacked onto that, “Yes! Take a gander at Poppy- after Mister Nivens’ funeral, she tried courting Reverend Halliwell at the burial site!”

Poppy confirmed this, “That’s true! Arthur had to act as though he didn’t enjoy the attention, but whenever he talks about the temptation of sin, he looks straight at me!” I didn’t quite know how to respond to that, but luckily, she had no expectation of one! She grabbed me by the waist and led me closer to their roost. “Come on! Let’s help you get over your past love!”

“No!” I objected. I hadn’t meant to protest out loud like that, and I instantly regretted not having better control of my mouth because Abigail glimpsed at me with raised eyebrows! Preceding her uttering some prying enquiries, I elaborated, “If I stay, I’ll forget to buy my paper, and I’ll never get any work done!”

“Couldn’t you hurry and buy your paper and then come back here?” Poppy wondered.

I beamed at her as I broadcasted, “Yes, I can!”

Abigail stared at me in suspicion, and I guessed that she denoted the appearance of alleviation on my face upon hearing Poppy’s suggestion. I didn’t give her a chance to interrogate me on the matter any further however as I rushed toward the shop, and I didn’t glance back at them to open up that window again. I was inclined to do so when I heard Poppy instruct someone named Megyn to greet her potential suitors with her first though- I couldn’t imagine that uncomfortable stance having much allure, but I let it go as I rushed into the store.

After I set a bundle of paper on the counter, I noticed the clerk eyeballing me in a peculiar manner, and it irked me that yet another proprietor was going to treat me differently due to those absurd rumors. I queried, “Is there a problem?” 

“Do you write a lot of letters?” He pointed to the large stack of papers I had set on the counter.

“Oh!” I laughed in relief. “I’m a novelist.”

The clerk seemed mollified upon receiving that insight. “That makes more sense!” After he took my payment, he checked in with me, “Is there anything else I can help you with?” 

I glanced out of the window, and I saw the giggling group gawking toward the store’s entrance. I didn’t see a route in which I could avoid them either! I had no interest in participating in their escapades with Abigail operating in such an adversarial fashion, so I leaned in and whispered to the clerk, “Do you have a back door?”

“Back door?” the clerk puzzled.

“Yes,” I affirmed. “I’d like to go around the building, grab my horse, and then find an alternate path home!’

The clerk frowned. “Why are you speaking at such a low volume?”

I leveled with him, “I’m trying to elude those ladies outside!”

“What ladies?” the clerk asked.

“Those five ladies outside!” After those words left my lips, something about my answer struck me as odd. “Wait, five?” I peered out of the window, and I saw a flash of purple disappear behind them! “Oh no!” I saw the clerk staring at me in a confused manner, so I brushed it off, “Oh, I simply miscounted, but let’s forget about that! Can you help me or not?” Suddenly, the four ladies were shrieking about something on the front of Megyn’s body, so I sighed, “Never mind!”

I went outside, and Megyn was whining, “Make it stop! Make it stop!”

Abigail assured her, “We’re doing everything we can!”

“You’re not doing anything!” Megyn countered.

“Yes, well, we can’t think of anything!” Abigail admitted.

I petitioned them, “What seems to be the dilemma?”

Megyn snarled, “You did this to me!” 

She turned around and showed me her big midriff, and I felt slightly befuddled as to why she blamed me for that. “Uh… I’m pretty sure only a male can do that to you!”

“Everything was fine until you had to run off and hide!” Megyn castigated me as her paunch grew bigger and bigger. “You cursed me to get revenge!”

“Revenge for what? I don’t know you!” I retorted.

Annabel sympathized with Megyn, “I can only imagine what you’re going through!” Right after she said that, her midsection started growing too! “Oh! I suppose I don’t have to imagine…”

Poppy groaned, “It feels like a boulder is sitting on my organs! A lot of men will be turned off by this!”

“Calm down, you three! There’s nothing to panic about!” Abigail sternly advised them. Her abdomen began to increase in volume, too, and she panicked. “Nooooo! We’re all doomed!”

“Oh, look, fellas! There are some women here to see us!” a bloke conveyed to his brethren. The four women swiveled towards them, and the bloke gasped, “Gah! They’re here to devour us all!”

Annabel disagreed, “No! We’re here to find a gentleman to put his arms around us!”

The bloke at their continually growing bloating, and he concluded, “I’m not certain any of us have arms that are long enough!”

Preceding the women having the ability to bicker with the factory workers who were slowing tricking out any further, several paused their footsteps as their own guts started to increase in volume! A very swollen Abigail yelled, “It’s funny how she managed to avoid getting afflicted again!”

She indicated to me, and a lot of angry eyes glared at me. I hardly wanted to defend myself against a large collective like that, and it was tempting to leave them to find a remedy on their own, but then Poppy spoke up, “If you really believe she’s guilty, you shouldn’t provoke her! Frankly, I doubt she has a malicious bone in her body! She’s more likely the type to apologize to you if you bump into her!”

“Thank you! I think…” I speculated on whether or not the last bit was a compliment or not. At the end, I decided that she was at least partially defending me, so I felt compelled to help her. Only, I didn’t have the foggiest notion of how to do that… until…

“Oh, it must be terrible if we’re scaring the horse!” Megyn fretted.

I faced Cole, and he was, indeed, looking at them as he frantically moved about. As I marched over to Cole, I reassured everyone, “He might be, but he also has gone into a frenzy over his own shadow, so don’t read too much into it!” I reached into his saddlebag and pulled out some peppermint leaves, and while I fed them to him, I filled the onlookers in, “That’s why I always keep a remedy with me! It also helps if he has an upset stomach, so…!”

Inspiration struck me! I grabbed my entire stash and brought it to the bloated bunch. “Try this!”

“No way!” Annabel refused. “It could be poison!”

“Psh! No one is going to murder me! I’m old enough to be at Heaven’s door, so what would be the point?” Poppy contended.

Poppy grabbed a sprig and ate it very willingly. To my assuagement, it shrank her back to normal size! The rest of the afflicted followed suit, and once the spell subsided, they all exhaled with a newfound ease. “Swell! Now that I can fit into my own doorway again, I’m going home!” the bloke declared.

As the men rushed away from the area, Poppy cried out, “Wait! Who am I going to flirt with now? Hmm, maybe I should go see if that handsome soldier is patrolling the streets again!”

“That was you?” I recalled August’s story, and it was surprising but not shocking to connect that account to her.

“That’s twice something inexplicable occurred with you present! What is the connection between you and this sorcery?” Abigail probed.

I watched a flash of purple fabric disappear around the corner, and truthfully responded to Abigail, “I don’t know!”

Three If by Broomstick, Chapter 6

I brought a basket to my garden, and I expressed my thoughts out loud, “Alright, the last few days have been very stressful, so I’m owed a bit of peace! I don’t want any surprises- no magic, no mayhem, no visitors!” I felt a tickle on my fingertips, and I yelped as I jerked my hand away! I expected the worst, but when I searched for the culprit, I was shocked at what I discovered…

“Oh! You’re just a ladybug!” I breathed a sigh of relief as I observed the colorful insect crawling around where I had flung it. I savored the brief period of simplicity, and, as if the creature could understand me, I apologized, “Forgive me, little friend! I didn’t mean you when I said no visitors! You are most welcome in my yard!” I watched its movements for a minute, and I weakly smiled. “You guys are supposed to be good luck! Hmm! It’s about time a bit of fair fortune came my way!” All of a sudden, a tree frog emerged from the nearby bushes and swallowed the ladybug whole! “Oh! Well, that figures!”

“What other surprises are lurking in this terrain?” I wondered. I ambled through the various beds, and I saw herbs, beans, carrots, cabbage as well as a blue butterfly, but I didn’t think that there were any more potentially frightening commodities. I started planning various meals I could make with my harvest when, unexpectedly…

Something caught onto my foot and sent me tumbling to the ground! After the curse that struck yesterday, I couldn’t help but assume some sort of monster had gotten a hold of me! I yanked my foot out of the guilty party’s grasp, and I distanced myself from the would-be attacker. When I looked back to see what I was dealing with, it stunned me to view that no one was there! I glanced around to discern where it may have run to, but then, out of the spot I was just ensnared in, a small hare hopped out, grunted at me, and jumped back inside! “Oh, I have a rabbit hole! I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to disturb you! I love animals, and…! Oh, why am I apologizing to wild animals? That’s embarrassing! Thank goodness I’m all alone!”

As if on cue, I saw a man’s shadow hovering over me! “I can explain!” I relayed to whoever was there. I figured it was Cormac or someone else who may concoct some rumors based on what they had seen, and I hoped to smooth things over so that I could prevent this from occurring. To my appall, the man turned out to be…

“Why is it I always find you on the floor when we meet?” August gently kidded me.

“I was just about to ask myself that same question!” Outwardly, I graciously grinned, but inwardly, I screamed from humiliation. I would rather have had one of the gossip mongers there at that juncture- having such an attractive man frequently see me make a fool of myself was torturous! Not that I expected anything more than friendship from him, but it deepened the wound to invoke negative opinions in someone so beautiful! I had not considered entertaining any romance after Thorn died, but if I had wanted to give it a go, I felt like I just blew my chance!

August chuckled at my retort, and then he offered his hand to help me up. As abashed as I had been feeling, I couldn’t stop myself from feeling excited by this gesture! His touch was exactly as warm as I remembered, and his firm grip was comforting and inspiriting. Being in such close proximity to him filled me with both exhilaration and tranquility as if I had arrived home at long last! I didn’t want this moment to cease, but I became conscious of my gawking, so I swiftly withdrew my hand as I politely regarded him, “Thank you!”

Bowing slightly, August responded, “It was my pleasure!”

“Really?” I knocked on wood that I wasn’t blushing as brightly as it seemed in my head!

“Of course! It’s my duty to protect the good people of Lynnbrook!” August affirmed.

Disappointment coursed through my veins upon hearing that. For one fleeting instance, I dared to believe that I was fortuitous enough to have earned his affection! Of course, he had only assisted me out of sheer obligation! He would have acted in the same manner if I were as wretched as that witch, Naenia! I wanted to sulk about his unromantic truth, but I hardly wanted to behave improperly to a guest and chase him away, so I asked him, “How is your mission going?”

He answered me, “Well, something strange happened the other day…”

A spark of interest reignited me. It would have been a huge weight off of my shoulders to know that I wasn’t the only one who had an encounter with the supernatural, and my curiosity piqued as I wondered what he may have undergone… “Something strange, really? Do tell!”

“Well, I was passing by a certain cottage, and an old woman flagged me down. She said she needed me to save her. I wanted to know what she needed saving from, and she told me…” August grimaced at the fresh memory he dug up.

“What was it?” The anticipation was insurmountable! I was becoming desperate- I vigorously longed to learn that another person went through a similar ordeal as me so I wouldn’t feel like I lost my wits! Sure, several individuals became victims of that scaly spell, but I sincerely doubted anyone would have believed me about its origin! I yearned to be told that I wasn’t by myself in this endeavor!

August still seemed uncomfortable about the incident, but he went on, “…She threw her arms around me and whispered into my ear that she needed me to save her from another lonely night!”

That… wasn’t at all what I expected to hear! My brain was so deadset on learning about paranormal phenomena occurring in the area that it didn’t even consider a less serious option! I blinked in confusion and catechized, “Huh?”

“My thoughts exactly!” August conveyed to me. Privately, I opined that there was no likelihood that he shared my exact sentiments right then, but I didn’t dare to voice that! August continued, “To be that forward is just… I’m pretty certain she was sober, too! I’m young enough to be her grandchild! I don’t understand what possessed her to do it!”

“Well…” I found him handsome enough to comprehend why a woman of any age would lose control of herself like that, but obviously, I couldn’t express that remark to him. Instead, I sympathetically commented, “I suppose you could have had worse surprises during your patrol of the area!” 

August beamed in agreement. “That’s true! It’s great that it wasn’t a more formidable attack! Although, in some ways, that would have been the more preferable option so I could unearth the vile villain behind the betrayal! Not that I anticipated solving this dilemma in less than a week! By chance, you haven’t heard any leads, I suppose…”

I strove not to appear guilty right then! I knew the traitor’s plan, and I had already seen it in action! I couldn’t imagine how a rational person would react to such a claim, though! Combining that audacious assertion with him constantly finding me on the floor, he probably would have sent me straight to the lunatic asylum! I couldn’t reveal the authentic account of this situation- if I got sent away, there would’ve been no one to help defend Lynnbrook against Naenia’s dark magic! I couldn’t tell him, but I certainly couldn’t lie to him either…

“If I had any clue who the traitor is, I would come to you immediately!” I promised August. There! That much was true at least! I didn’t have the slightest inkling who hired a witch to curse the town! I pondered if there was something I could do to change that…

“Yes, I figured as much!” He emitted an exasperated exhale, and then he conversed, “How are you doing? Is everything alright with you?”

Once again, I hesitated. The plot that plagued our region pretty much dominated my focus at the present, and I had to hide that from him at all costs! It was hard to come up with a response to his enquiry without mentioning odd though… “I’m still exploring my new location, and it’s been.. interesting! But, I’m enjoying the quiet at night! It’s really helped my novel come along nicely!”

August’s eyes went kind of wide, and I feared he would deem me as dotty like Aldrich did. Instead, he petitioned me, “Really? What kinds of books do you write?” 

“Well, I’ve only just started on the one…” I felt my cheeks flush, but in this instance, it stemmed from thrill rather than bashfulness! No one had ever shown interest in my artistic endeavor, and most people treated me as eccentric for pursuing such a hobby, but his intrigue got stirred! It was quite refreshing and wonderful! “It’s about a princess who gets kidnapped by monsters as a baby to live a life of servitude until she can get wedded off to a tyrant, who’s looking to take over the throne. You see, the antagonist is waiting until the queen is unable to produce another heir, who could challenge his legitimacy…”

“Wow! That sounds fascinating! Is there a handsome prince that comes to her rescue?” August inquired.

I replied, “No, she saves herself.” He appeared a bit taken aback by that, and I privately theorized that he would make an excellent love interest for my hero! I attempted to portray nonchalance as I added, “One could show up, but he would help her help herself!”

August broadly grinned at that concept. “That would be splendid to read about!” I felt certain that my cheeks had gone completely red at that juncture! I nearly fainted when he threw in, “Let me know when you’ve completed this story- I’d love to check it out!”

“I…! Well…! You…! Of course!” I sputtered from my overwhelm of emotions.

“Swell! Well, I would love to stay and chat, but that traitor isn’t going to make it easy for us to discover them!” August concluded the conversation.

I joked with him, “They might! One of these days, they may say something foolish and reveal themselves!”

August chortled, “That would be nice! Well, I’m certain we’ll meet again soon!” He cordially bowed to me.

I reciprocated with a curtsy. “I look forward to it!”

He smiled at me prior to turning around to head back into the village. I had to brace a tree to keep from swooning! After Thorn passed away, I never pictured myself with another man, but with how handsome and sweet August was, I found myself reconsidering that notion…

“Oh, if you happen to get any leads about the traitor, please, come find me!” August turned to me and requested.

“Huh?” I snapped out of my reverie, and once more, I became deeply regretful of my behavior! I hoped that he hadn’t caught sight of me ogling at him, and I did my utmost to appear neutral as I reacted to him, “I most certainly will!”

He smiled at me again, and after he was far enough in the distance to not observe my activity, I gleefully began harvesting the goods from my garden. I briefly paused though as I realized I made him a promise I could not keep. I sincerely hated the premise of continuing to deceive such an endearing man, but what choice did I have? I sighed as I resumed picking my plants.

Later that evening, I swiftly worked my quill as I spoke my thoughts aloud, “The man in fine clothing peered out at the lake through the brush and saw a woman in a red cloak lying down on the ground, so he rushed over to see if she was alright…” I tittered and then articulated, “Why not draw from real-life experiences?” I laughed again, but then I savored the idea of this princess meeting her prince…

Or, at least I did until I felt a draft come out of the fireplace! I gasped and swiveled around, filled with dread as I anticipated encountering Naenia again. It wound up simply being the beginning of stormy weather! I breathed a sigh of relief, and I decreed, “I have to put a witch somewhere in this narrative!”

Three If by Broomstick, Chapter 5

As I hitched Cole to the post outside of Rustic Retail, he began to nervously whinny over a large puddle close to us. I gently chided him, “Don’t you start! We’re perfectly safe here! It’d be a different story if that awful witch, Naenia, returned to unleash her mayhem, but since she hasn’t shown up in a couple of days, I don’t think…”

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a flash of raggedy, purple cloth, and I froze as it reminded me of Naenia’s attire! I quickly glanced in that direction to verify what I saw, but I didn’t see her anywhere. I shook my head and reassured myself, “It’s fine! It’s only my imagination running wild since I mentioned her! She isn’t really here!” That logic made perfect sense to me, and yet I was not filled with any optimism as I went inside of the general store. 

“Welcome to Rustic Retail! How may I…?” a spry but older gentleman bounded out from the back and jovially greeted me. When he saw it was me standing there, his jovial demeanor diminished. “…You?”

“Hello!” I pleasantly regarded him. My tone was free of ire, but in all actuality, I grew weary of these insipid interactions. “I need a few things to clean my house! It’s a wonder how the previous owner kept the place tidy without them! Unless he happened to take it with him when he…”

The shopkeeper motioned for me to lower my tone. “Shh! Keep your voice down!”

I found that directive to be a bit odd, but I complied with his request nonetheless. “Alright… First, I’ll need some lye soap.”

“Here you are!” the shopkeeper whispered as he handed me the item.

“And some abrasive material or…” I began to relay to him. I spotted a flash of purple go by the window on my right, and I lost my train of thought.

He handed me a packet of horsetail plants, and he got a bit impatient at my hesitation. “Come on! What else?”

A female’s voice called out, “John! What are you doing out there?” 

“Just restocking a little!” John lied to the female. He turned back to me and quietly urged, “Hurry! What else do you need?”

“Uh…” Between the possibly familiar silhouette rushing by my periphery and John’s strange behavior, I was terribly confused and not sure how to proceed! “There was one more thing, hang on…”

The female’s voice yelled, “Can you do inventory later? I need you to move a shelf so I can finish the sweeping!”

I recalled, “That’s what I needed! A broom!”

“Wonderful!” He shoved one into my arms, and then he huffed, “Pay me and leave forthwith!”

“Alright!” I handed him a couple of coins with my eyebrows raised. He didn’t explain his actions, and I almost wished he had merely been judgmental- that would have made more sense than… whatever this was! I swiveled around to vacate the vicinity as fast as possible, but then…

There was no mistaking it this time- there was Naenia! She waved to me from the town square, and then she disappeared. I couldn’t blame the wine in this instance- she could, indeed, do magic and appeared poised to do so shortly! Knowing that she was real daunted me, and I knew I had to do something to thwart her pestilential ambitions, but I was paralyzed in action since I didn’t have a clue how to achieve that! I didn’t even know what she intended to do! I considered trying to talk her out of it, but that seemed like an exercise in futility! Still, as I gathered my dropped belongings, I deemed that I possessed no other option but to give diplomacy a go, and I was readying myself to negotiate when…

John griped, “Why did you have to go and make all that noise? Now my wife is-!”

“Who’s in there with you?” his wife asked.

“No one, Abigail! Wait for me in the house!” John answered. Abigail didn’t heed her husband’s word, and she entered into the storefront. When she beheld me in there, her eyes lit up with delight. I could understand why- she was the woman gossiping about me when I first arrived in Lynnbrook! I grimaced from the ceaseless questioning she was planning, and evidently, John had the same anticipation because he beseeched her, “Abigail, please don’t! I don’t want to scare off another customer!”

Abigail dismissively reacted to his plea, “What? That musician was said to have a long list of lovers throughout the colonies! Am I supposed to just ignore that?”

John articulated, “Yes! Do you want to become a beggar? Maybe you do so you can hear more about other people’s private affairs on the street!”

“Speaking of the streets, thats’ where I need to go now! Please, excuse me!” Even if I hadn’t been in a rush to spare the town from supernatural chaos, I probably would have responded to this awkward moment in the same manner! I made a bid for the exit, but before I could get too far…

“My condolences for the loss of your husband!” Abigail conveyed to me.

It irritated me to no end that she was forcing me to prolong this conversation, but when I turned around, I gave her a gracious smile. “Thank you very much!”

Abigail studied me much like a hawk eyeballing a rodent in the field below it. “Tell me- what is it about the demise of a man you swore to love forever that makes you grin?” 

“Forever? My marriage vow said ‘til death do us part!’ I rejoindered. Her expression shifted as if she had won a prize, and I instantly recognized that I had erred, so I rectified the record, “And Thorn’s passing did not bring me joy! I merely appreciated your sympathy!”

“But, if you loved him, why did you rid yourself of everything that reminded you of him?” Abigail pressed me.

Something about the air outside felt different- it was like the atmosphere altered itself to prepare for pure bedlam! I couldn’t afford to withstand her interrogation any longer, so, while my back was still turned to her, I feigned a sob, “Its memory makes me too sad! Now, please excuse me!” I pretended to weep as I dashed out the door.

I ran outside expecting to witness a dramatic scene unfolding, but everything looked normal! I breathed a slight sigh of relief, but I did not let myself get comfortable- Naenia was out there, and I knew she was up to no good! I harbored some hope that I could still thwart her evil efforts, so I strove to find her. It seemed like a tall order, but I reckoned that she wasn’t all bad! She assisted me when I was choking after all! Alright, so her unexpected appearance caused that ailment, but still! It proved she wasn’t one hundred percent evil, and I clung to that notion as I searched the area for her.

“Did you lose something, dear?” Abigail queried without an ounce of authentic concern as she leaned in the doorway.

“I… thought I saw an old acquaintance of mine!” I concocted an excuse on the spot. It annoyed me immensely that she roosted herself on a perch where she could watch my every move, and I sincerely wished I could walk away preceding her gathering more dirt on me, but I couldn’t leave and let this pox Naenia threatened to unleash on the city unfold. As much as they tested my patience, the inhabitants of the area didn’t do anything that would merit a wicked curse! Probably…

Abigail’s interest piqued. “Ooh! Is this a gentleman caller?”

I rolled my eyes and shot back, “Why would a gentleman caller hide from me?”

A staggering fellow ambled up to me and put in, “He might if he had to chunder! That’s what I just did!”

“Lovely!” I expressed with my nose crinkled. Hoping I could search for Naenia away from Abigail’s prying eyes, I attempted to distance myself from her, “Well, I was probably mistaken about my acquaintance, so I best be on my way…”

“Fair maiden, wait! If you don’t find that gentleman caller, I am available for service!” The drunken fellow put his arm around my shoulders.

His breath reeked of whiskey, and it was hard to remain polite when I wanted to gag! Without opening my mouth too much, I declined his offer, “I appreciate the gesture, but I’ll have to…”

As I was about to remove his limb from my proximity, his forearm caught my eye… It was gray and scaly! At first, I presumed that the fellow had some sort of birth defect, but the scales were growing! I stared at the transpiration in shock, but evidently, Abigail didn’t notice any abnormalities because she gushed, “Aww! A budding romance!”

“No, no!” I swiftly removed the fellow from my side. “I simply…”

“Lawks a mercy me!” the drunken fellow cried out when he espied the condition of his limb. “What color is my skin normally?” He gazed at his other arm and pondered, “Which one came first?”

Abigail theorized, “Oh, Clarinda, dear! Did your touch do that to him?”

I objected to that characterization, “Absolutely not!” After that denial, I privately worried that Naenia may have actually cursed me like that until…

“My feet are killing me!” a young woman complained to her spouse. She leaned against an empty hitching post and took off her shoe. She gasped when she learned the bottom of her leg had become gray and scaly, “Eek!”

“See! I didn’t go near her at all!” I pointed out to Abigail but also kind of myself too.

A man took off his powdered wig and queried to his friend, “Am I having an allergic reaction to my hairpiece?” His friend yelped when he beheld his bald head covered in gray scales but didn’t actually say anything, so the man pressed him, “Well? Am I?”

Abigail brought out a jar of walnuts and munched on them mindlessly as she savored the scene. “Everyone is getting them in different places! I can’t wait to see who gets it on their backside!”

“You’re not helping!” I chided Abigail.

“How exactly am I supposed to do that?” Abigail countered.

I wanted to quarrel with her for showing no inclination to assist me with this precarious matter, however, I couldn’t find any fault in her logic! I surveyed my surroundings in hopes of getting some clue on how to proceed, and I witnessed more and more individuals becoming afflicted with this ailment. Someone had to do something before too much damage got done! I bit my lip trying to figure out what precisely could be done… but then…

Abigail’s giggles soon turned into shrieks as she caught sight of gray scales forming on her palms! After the grief she put me through that day, it was so hard to resist the temptation to watch her endure this misery, and I wanted to be the bigger person in this scenario, but I didn’t have any plan to combat this spell. I wracked my brain for a solution, but I didn’t have to contemplate the issue long- her whining gave me inspiration… “Egads! My skin feels drier than the three hours I spent bathing in the Ashuelot River!”

“Oh! There’s an idea! … And quite the ghastly picture!” Once I cast that unsavory image from my mind, I canvassed the crowd, “Do any of the afflicted volunteer for potential treatment?”

“You can do anything you want to me, poppet!” The drunken fellow raised his wobbly hand, fell face-first onto the floor beneath him, and started snoring.

I hesitated briefly, but then I shrugged as I reasoned, “He gave consent prior to losing consciousness!”

Stooping down to his level didn’t tickle my fancy much, but I did so quickly and grabbed his wrist. I prayed that touching him wasn’t going to be a meaningless gesture, also! I scraped the abrasive material I recently obtained on the gray scales, and to my immense relief, it worked! “Everyone! Just use horsetail plant!” I announced.

Not everyone heard me above the groaning brought on by this affliction, but I passed some from my supply to the bald man’s friend, and he was relieved to see his friend’s relief! Abigail brought some out to the others, and, one by one, all of the curse’s sufferers were cured! I was quite proud of my discovery, and I expected a chorus of gratitude to follow this episode, but instead, the woman with the aching feet upbraided me, “How dare you! You need to be more careful with your magic! Don’t get us involved with your mishaps!”

“What? I’m not a witch!” I emphatically exclaimed.

“Miss Dobbins! You forgot your broomstick!” Abigail held it up with a smirk.

I snatched it up and declared, “I’m riding home! …On my horse!” I ignored the cacophony of gossiping whispers and headed back home before I had to rescue any more ingrates!

Three If by Broomstick, Chapter 4

“There she is again!” one woman whispered to her friend. “Look at her- not an ounce of sadness! She doesn’t act much like a widow in grieving!”

“No, she doesn’t!” the woman’s friend concurred. “It’s almost as if she’s glad her husband is dead! Are we certain that he was taken by natural causes?”

Ordinarily, I would have abandoned all pretense and enlightened them on the reality of the situation, but in this instance, I didn’t want to divulge the truth to them or anyone else, for that matter! Not because I did anything wrong- on the contrary, Thorn was the one who wronged me! The timeline of his demise was fraught with salacious details, though, and I did not wish to subject myself to the humiliation that this narrative would bring! I detested the implication that I had a hand in his downfall, but I wasn’t prepared to endure their gossip after they learned why my feelings were justified! All I could do was listen to their mean-spirited prattling, and I got so engrossed in it that…

Before I knew it, I was facing the backside of a man in an American soldier’s uniform! Prior to me getting the chance to utter an apology, I fell onto the cobblestone bottom first! I winced at the physical pain that this caused, but the emotional pain hurt much more! I dreaded having to withstand the chattering this spectacle would inevitably cause, and my chance of no one noticing this debacle went out the door when…

“Argh! Our military is getting attacked! The British are here!” Aldrich raved. He spotted me on the ground, and he composed himself once more. “Oh, it’s you! Forget that remark, all is well!”

“I wouldn’t go that far!” I muttered as I continued to contemplate what had just occurred.

A deep yet soothing voice regretfully regarded me, “Forgive me, Miss! I should have been more careful!” 

This act of remorse baffled me so much so that I couldn’t resist laughing! “You’re asking me to pardon you? I’m the one who erred!”

His strong but smooth hand reached out to me in an offer of assistance, and as I accepted it, I was surprised by how pleasantly warm his touch felt. Whoever this man was showed promise of being a likable person! After I became upright, I looked forward to meeting him. It never crossed my mind that I would become awestruck from seeing his face! His light blue eyes sparkled like the ocean at dawn, and his sandy skin radiated with softness! His black hair sat softly on his shoulders like the midnight sky hovering over the horizon, and his chiseled jawline suggested strength while his smile conveyed kindness! I thought surely I must have been dreaming- I never got this poetic in real life! He was too gorgeous to be real, and I stood in amazement that I was present for his presence…

“Ah-hem!” Aldrich cleared his throat to gain our attention. I didn’t realize I was staring for so long until he spoke up, and I quickly averted my eyes to avoid further embarrassment. Inwardly, I prayed that Aldirch wouldn’t air one of his brutally honest remarks about that moment of discomfort, and luckily for me, he seemed more keen on attaining attention for himself than anything else! “Captain August Owens here was just briefing me on his mission to root out the traitor of Lynbrook!”

“Yes!” August instantly snapped back into a more professional demeanor. “I intend to patrol the streets to both safeguard the area from Red Coats but also to hopefully catch the traitor in action so he can get apprehended before he does too much damage!”

I puzzled, “Why are the Red Coats so interested in Lynnbrook anyway? I don’t mean to disparage this city at all, but wouldn’t it make more sense to go after a large city like Boston or Philadelphia?”

August illuminated me, “Oh, they’re definitely after them too! Lynnbrook is valuable to them for strategic reasons. It’s central to several colonies- Vermont, Massachusetts, Maine, New York… And they can harvest a lot of resources to use against us. But, they’re also just greedy scoundrels who will take whatever they can get!”

“That makes sense! But… what information could the traitor possibly provide the British?” I pondered. “They already know that the territory exists- what else do they need to know?”

“Weaknesses,” August filled me in. “They can’t just barge in and take over! My troops would chase the varlets out in a heartbeat before they could get that far! That’s why they’d find a traitor useful- that person could pass on to them vulnerable spots that they could exploit. Like, the traitor might have gone to their military and told their officers that the town’s leadership is feeble and ineffective.”

Aldrich appeared offended by that notion. “Aw, the traitor said that?”

August assured him, “No, no! I was merely using a hypothetical!”

“Well, that traitor is going to pay for disparaging me!” Aldrich avowed. He paused and then added, “And the rest of Lynnbrook, of course!”

“Again, he or she didn’t actually say that!” August reiterated. He turned towards me and articulated, “Forsooth, we could actually use your help with this mission!”

I glanced at him in surprise. “Me? You want my help? Why? I mean, I would be honored to offer assistance, but what could I possibly do?”

August orated, “Use your eyes and ears! The mayor and I are authority figures, and people are on their best behavior when we’re around.” Aldrich gesticulated in a manner that suggested that his statement wasn’t always true. “Wrongdoers may let their guard down around you, so you may witness something that could be pertinent to the mission! If you see or hear anything related to the plot spun by the traitor, please notify us immediately!” I swiftly recalled my interaction with Naenia, and I wanted to tell him about it, but I felt that neither he nor Aldrich would have taken me seriously. I didn’t even take my memory of that night seriously! August must have seen the guilty shift in my stance since he petitioned me, “Do you have something for me?”

“No!” I lied. I realized I couldn’t just leave it at that, so I had to come up with a more plausible motivation for my reaction. Eventually, I verbalized, “My husband… My late husband… was a merchant who did a lot of shady stuff, so he might have been a better person to ask! Too bad that he took his secrets to the grave with him!”

“You’re a widow?” August appeared rather elated to receive that tidbit. He recognized his slip-up, and he put on a more solemn visage as he offered me solace, “I’m sorry for your loss!” I felt certain that I was blushing right then! I wondered if he was becoming smitten with me, but preceding me delving into that subject any further…

A bell loudly rang behind us, and I nearly ran to August yet again out of pure fright! The town crier called out, “Hear ye, hear ye! This Fawkes, and I have news to share… Lynnbrook shall henceforth be occupied by the American Military!”

August tried to correct that account, “No, no! This is not a permanent operation! I’m only monitoring for suspicious activity!”

“The American Military is watching its own citizens!” Fawkes dramatically announced.

“No, no! I don’t plan to stay long! Once we get a better handle on the culprit behind the betrayal, then-!” August strove to amend the misimpression that got cast about his mission. 

Fawkes proclaimed, “The American Military has lost control of the situation!”

I muttered, “Hmm… I’m not sure I like this Fawkes News!”

“You doubt his truths?” the oldest man I had ever seen pointed a knobby finger at me. “Only one type of person would engage in such mischief…”

“Oh, not this again!’ I emitted an exasperated exhale. “I’ve already had to prove to your mayor and the vendue master that I’m not the traitor- are you going to put me through a test as well?”

The very old man stated, “I wasn’t going to accuse you of being the traitor!”

His comment caused me to blink in startlement. “You weren’t?”

“Of course not!’ the very old man insisted. For a brief moment, it appeared as though I had gained an unexpected ally, but then he supplemented his assertion with, “You’re a witch!”

“What?” I balked at that allegation in astonishment. It baffled me as to how he would come up with such an outrageous idea based on such a limited interaction!

The very old man did not back down from his declaration. “You heard me! You thrive on lies, don’t you, witch?”

I surveyed the scenery to see if anyone was buying this drivel, but thankfully, everyone seemed too preoccupied in the “news” that Fawkes was spewing to pay much attention to this very old man! I quietly exclaimed, “Certainly not!”

“But you’ve been in contact with sorcery, I can tell!” the very old man asserted. I shifted uncomfortably- how could he tell? I didn’t want to associate with magic, but it happened! The very old man saw my reaction and surmised, “Aha! See, you didn’t deny it!”

“I didn’t confirm it either!” I shot back. It didn’t seem like anyone took his accusations seriously, but I didn’t want anyone to get tempted into buying it!

The very old man would not budge on his viewpoint. “Witches have a distinct aura about them, and right now, you-!”

A fellow at least fifty years younger than him ran out of a nearby shop and yelled, “Grandfather! No! Stop that!”

“But, she-!” the very old man objected.

“We’ve been over this! The Witchcraft Trials ended over eighty years ago!” his grandson reminded him.

The very old man stubbornly differed, “Heresy is still a punishable crime!”

His grandson countered, “Maybe! But no court is going to punish a person based on your random whims!” The very old man pouted in a begrudging defeat, and his grandson apologetically regarded me, “I’m so sorry! This is not how I would’ve wanted our new neighbor to meet Grandfather Archibald! He’s a lovely person most of the time, really!”

“I’m sure he is!” I fibbed. I then gingerly inquired, “How did you know I’m a new neighbor and not a visitor?”

“The ladies at the weekly Quilting Bee were talking about it.” He thought about how that sounded, and he amended his sentence, “I wasn’t attending it! I’m Quinn Miller, I own Colonial Draper- that’s where they’re held! I don’t participate! Not that a male couldn’t, I just… Oh, never mind! Say, you ought to join a session! It’s a great place to learn about the town…”

Grimacing at the picture of me sitting among women who would undoubtedly interrogate me to extract more rumors, I politely declined, “I appreciate the invitation, but quilting isn’t an interest of mine!” I caught sight of August patrolling the streets with Aldrich, and my heart fluttered. He was so kind to me, and I wanted to return the favor! I couldn’t reveal my history with the witchy intruder, but if these hens clucked about everything occurring in Lynnbrook, I reasoned that perhaps they knew something about the traitor. I didn’t relish enduring this mean-spirited discussion, but if it would help August, I deemed it worth it! “On the other hand, maybe it would be worth giving it a try! When is the next session?”

Three If by Broomstick, Chapter 3

“Who-?” I immediately began to choke on my wine. 

A squatty, older woman with long, stringy hair covering her pot-marked face and bulbous nose went behind me and rubbed my back. “There, there!”

Once my hacking subsided, I graciously regarded her, “Thank you!”

“My pleasure! Now that your symptoms have been relieved, would you like to know the story of why Brom Sanderson fled from Lynnbrook?” the mysterious woman offered. 

“Kind of. Right now, I would rather know the story of who you are and why you’re in my house!” I retorted.

The mysterious woman obliged, “That’s fair! I’m Naenia Valdis, the Extraordinary Witch of Hireling!”

My eyes went wide at such an audacious claim. “Wow! That’s quite the title you’ve given yourself! Um, how did you get into my house?”

“I’ve already told you,” Naenia responded.

“Did you?” My brows furrowed in confusion. “I’m sorry, but could you speak less cryptically? I just bought this home, and I’d like to fix any security issues I have immediately! Is there an unlocked window, or…?”

Naenia laughed derisively at me, “Windows? I don’t need any windows or doors to set foot inside of people’s properties! I didn’t even check to see if anything got left open!” I stared at her blankly, and she surmised, “You don’t believe me, do you?”

I certified her theory, “Of course not!”

“That’s alright! Seeing is believing, so permit me to demonstrate,” Naenia articulated.

“Not to be rude, but I’d rather you exit the way you came in!” I requested. She withdrew a knotted, wooden stick from her raggedy dress pocket, and I inferred, “And you’re still doing it! Wonderful!” I realized she was an intruder in my dwelling, but I still tried not to be harsh with her. I believed her to be mentally off-balance, and I hardly wanted to upset her, but she had more than overstayed her welcome at this juncture!

She aimed her stick at the fireplace, and I didn’t expect anything to come of it, but suddenly, the flames turned purple! That in itself stunned me, but then music began to play out of nowhere! My brain was still reeling from that when individual blazes began to dance! I watched in fright as I struggled to accept this as reality, and Naenia smirk this sight. After a considerable stretch of this bewildering spectacle, Naenia waved her wand again, and the house returned to normal again. Naenia then pressed me, “Do you believe me now?”

I studied my wine glass and concluded, “I’ve drunk this wine in Raven Nook, and I didn’t experience any strange hallucinations! No bodiless music, no enchanted fires, no witches… Well, not unless you count my mother-in-law!” I considered checking on my bread to see if I may have consumed mold or other substances that could have altered my thoughts, but Naenia was glaring at me, so I relayed to her, “Alright, you’re a witch! Why are you here? If you’re bored, I think I saw a tavern by the town square…”

“Silly wench! I didn’t come here to play games!” Naenia asserted.

“Aye! It’s probably way past your bedtime and too late to do anything of the sort! Get yourself back to wherever you’re from!” I gently encouraged her to seek out the exit.

Naenia scoffed at that notion, “Psh! I don’t really need sleep! I can easily concoct a potion to make me feel like I’m well rested!”

I opined, “That doesn’t really sound very healthy!”

Naenia clicked her tongue out of annoyance. “Don’t worry about my health! It’s your own that you should be concerned about!”

“Oh, I am!” I asserted as I contemplated the state of my mentality after such an abnormal experience.

“Listen! I came to your residence to deliver a warning! You and the rest of Lynnbrook have thirty-six hours to vacate this land unless you wish to become subjects to the British!” Naenia dramatically announced. 

I gasped, “You’re a Turncoat? Mercy! My perception certainly created an evil caitiff!”

Naenia refuted my characterization, “I’m not a figment of your imagination! And I’m not really a Turncoat- I was hired by one, and my allegiance lies solely in the coinage bestowed upon me! You’ll see- once this job proves itself successful, everyone in this nation will covet my services!”

“Right…” I frowned as my logic got challenged by such a ludicrous claim- she was profiting off of something that I didn’t even know existed until a few minutes ago!

“You doubt my dreams, too? My mother also discouraged me from being bold!” Naenia sulked.

I assured her, “No, no! You should always pursue your dreams! Well, maybe not so much in your case since you chose to ally yourself with a traitorous Tory!” A flash of observation suddenly overtook me, and I felt impelled to pry, “You know betrayed this town? Who are they?”

Naenia sneered, “I shall not reveal their identity to one of their adversaries! They hired me to do a job, and I won’t stop until that job is done! …Because that’s when I‘ll receive the majority of my payment!”

“Okay, well… You’ve done your job, so you can leave now!’ I verbalized to her.

“My job isn’t done! Did you really assume my employer was so naive that they hired a witch to merely deliver a message?” Naenia inquired.

I replied, “Well, I was hoping that’s all this was! So, what other role do you play in this affair?”

She elaborated, “In thirty-six hours, I will unleash a pox upon the inhabitants of this village who don’t pledge allegiance to the British flag! Anyone who doesn’t comply and doesn’t vacate the vicinity forthwith shall be subjected todark spells! So, if you want to stay put, you’ll have to change sides- or else!”

“Um… Okay, so…?” My temples began to throb at the lunacy of this notion. “Why are you telling me all this? I’m not in charge of anything! In fact,  far, it doesn’t seem like most of the individuals here even like me… You must want to speak to the mayor! I can help you find Aldrich… He boasts about being a family man, so he’s probably at that tavern right now…”

“No, the message is for you!” Naenia insisted. I can’t travel about the region- I have to preserve my energy for those curses I’ll inevitably inflict upon you!”

I bemoaned, “You mean, I was only chosen because I was the first person in this city that you came across? So, if I had waited one more day to move in here, I could’ve avoided this fate? You should’ve picked the Hawthornes to deal with this stress- they deserve it more than me!”

Naenia persisted, “I’ve done my part! If you want to save the reprobates of Lynnbrook, it’s up to you to act now! Farewell!”

“Wait!” I beseeched her as she pointed her wand at herself.

“What? I thought you wanted me to leave?” Naenia pointed out.

I contended, “Yes, I wanted you to go when I believed you tobe nothing more than a harmless nuisance! You can’t just make such an outrageous proclamation and rush off so fast! What is this pox you plan to inflict upon us?”

Naenia cackled, “You’ll find out soon enough!”

She continued her derisive laughter as she slowly faded out of the building. I sat frozen in disbelief that this supernatural nonsense actually occurred before my eyes, and I wasn’t certain what to do with the information I was given. If I told anyone about this freaky transpiration, would anyone have believed me? Or would they have gotten the impression that I lost my wits? Did I lose my wits? I had so many questions, and I didn’t esteem that anyone around me could answer them…

The next morning, I went to the small stable to feed Cole, and I was surprised to find him huddled in an unknown commodity in fright! I immediately thought of Naenia, and I ran over to see what the problem may have been. I was shocked to learn it was…

I shook my head in dismay. “It’s only a stick, Cole!” I stooped down to pick it up, and then a thought dawned on me- what if Naenia placed an innocuous object there to lure me into a false sense of security? What if Cole’s panic had merit for once? “Or is it…?” I didn’t know how to verify this theory other than to slowly creep up to it. If it began to move or take another shape, I would have… Well, I wasn’t sure! I was mentally prepared for it to spring out and grab me though as I reached out towards it…

“Oh, it is just a stick!” I tittered out of relief as I held the sprig. My overreaction amused me until I realized that Naenia’s magic wand somewhat resembled the shape of this twig… I swiftly broke it into several pieces in case that was what it was. Cole stared at me judgmentally, so I defended myself, “Well, you were scared too! At least no one else saw that!”

“No, ma’am! I didn’t witness a thing!” a beautiful, dark-skinned woman in a dress suited for field work clearly lied to me as she scurried past my property with her amber eyes quickly darting away as she fled from this sight.

I emitted an exasperated exhale, and then I relayed to Cole, “Well, since you didn’t get any sleep last night either, I’ll walk into town today!” I gave him a pat as I filled his trough with oats, and then I went inside to ready myself for my journey on foot. 

As I headed down the road, I saw the woman who “didn’t witness” my fit in the stable working with Dill and a young girl in the pumpkin field. I avoided catching their gaze even though they seemed to be ignoring me so they couldn’t bring the incident up. Despite my attempt to bypass conversations with the inhabitants of that farm, I got roped into a discussion anyway…

Drusilla huffed, “There she is, Cormac! Our new neighbor!”

“She lives there alone? Who would choose to do such a thing?” Cormac scathingly asked.

“I’m not alone! I have a horse!” I answered him.

Cormac catechized, “But, with no children? You look too young to have any kids who have become adults!”

I remarked, “Thank you! I’m not too young to have adult children, but my late husband and I… had issues!” I blushed slightly and inwardly prayed that they wouldn’t dig too deep into that topic.

“Uh, darling! I wouldn’t give her too much trouble when it comes to fertility! You and I are childless, after all!” Drusilla reminded Cormac.

“I found your missing cufflinks, Mister Hawthorne!” the slave girl from the field held her palm out to him to give him his missing objects, and having the two side-by-side caused me to notice that she had a nearly identical face to Cormac! I glimpsed at Drusilla in dumbfoundment that she never grew suspicious of this connection…

Cormac folded his arms in disapproval of her actions. “Hazel! Did you make up an excuse to get out of working?”

Hazel adamantly refused, “No, sir! My mama, Rue, found them on her…!” She cleared her throat awkwardly, and then she adlibbed, “… She found them on the ground!”

“Very well! Back to your tasks then!” Cormac barked as he snatched the cufflinks out of her hands. As she ran back to the field, Dill and Rue quickly resumed their gardening as if they had not been trying to eavesdrop on our chat.

“I’d better be running along too,” I notified the Hawthornes. “I’ll see you soon, I’m sure!”

Cormac called after me, “What business do you have to do in town?” 

Sarcastically, I joked, “Magic spells, of course!” I grimaced at that utterance- I worried that comment would make me appear to be at fault if Naenia’s appearance had been real…

Three If by Broomstick, Chapter 2

He finally articulated to me, “At least come view the place before you make your decision! There’s a reason no one bought it at the auction…”

“Lead the way!” I prompted him. Unless it was completely in shambles, I wasn’t worried about buying property that needed repairs or new furniture, so I highly doubted that he would dissuade me from this purchase!

“Oh, you want to see it right now?” He nervously glanced at Fawkes, who threw up his hands to indicate his lack of insight on this decision. Aldrich sighed, and then he unwillingly agreed to do it, “Very well, let’s go!” I untied Cole from his post, and this made his grimace even more pronounced. “Oh, zounds! You’re bringing the beast! Marvelous! This will be fun for me… Well, it’s a short walk from here! Follow me!”

Heading south, we passed the main row of shops and came across a large farm with a bunch of pumpkins growing as well as a shop that read: Hawthorne Pumpkin Patch Goods. A handsome male slave with deep, umber skin, dark bronze eyes, and a lean physique was fixing a display outside when he noticed us passing by. He gave us a courteous bow, and then he graciously greeted me, “Good afternoon, madam! My, that’s a gorgeous steed you have there!”

It filled my heart with a joyful relief to finally hear someone in this town acting kindly towards Cole! I was about to thank him for that, but a hawkish older woman with sharp features, red hair, and a somewhat portly form emerged from the shop and scolded the slave, “Dill! Did I permit you to dawdle? Get back to work!” 

“Yes, Mistress Drusilla!” Dill instantly returned to his task. Drusilla glared at us, and we scurried away before she could reprimand us for causing this disruption.

“Well, that was awkward!” Aldrich commented. 

I remarked, “Drusilla sure acted mean to poor Dill! The Hawthornes don’t seem like very pleasant people!”

Aldrich brought up, “If you purchase the Round House, they’ll be your neighbors! Are you sure you want to do this?”

“Absolutely!” I adamantly confirmed.

“Drats!” Aldrich released an exasperated exhale. “Forsooth, we shall carry on!”

Once we passed the farm’s territory, a strange building came into view. From a distance, it resembled a circus tent with its round walls and conical roof, which is perhaps why I initially took it as a joke. As we got closer, I could see that it was made of brick, and it had a few windows and a chimney, so it was definitely a house! I could understand why so many people rejected it- innovative styles were one thing, but this was a little too different! At first, I wanted to abandon the idea altogether, but when I espied Aldrich’s smug face, I defiantly stated, “I find it charming!”

Aldrich glimpsed at me with incredulity. “You do?”

“Yes! It…” I glanced around to root out at least one feature I admired about it. I had to survey the entire property to satisfy this endeavor, and at long last, I found a couple of amenities I enjoyed. “Look at that garden! It has a lot of lovely plants that apparently take care of themselves since everyone is too afraid to go near them! And it has a small stable attached to it, so Cole will have shelter too!” 

“And its facade?” Aldrich challenged me.

I couldn’t decipher any aspect of the outside that I found attractive, so instead, I asserted, “As long as the inside is functional, then I am fine with it! Is the door locked?”

Aldrich admitted, “Uh… I haven’t the foggiest notion! I didn’t expect to get this far…”

“Well, let’s find out together!” I propositioned as we stepped into the Round House’s perimeter.

“You first!” Aldrich urged me. I gave him a particular stare, and then he defended his nervous order, “What? I have a wife and kids that depend on me!”

I rolled my eyes at his cowardice. “Fine! Hold onto Cole’s reins then!”

He appeared rather reluctant on the prospect, but when he weighed it with the alternative, he willingly took Cole’s reins. He ogled my horse, and then he verbalized, “Well, at least I have some protection with him by my side!” I grinned, and as I opened the front door, I didn’t have the heart to tell him that Cole was almost as high-strung as he was!

Obviously, I didn’t believe that anything significantly ominous occurred in this domicile, but a small part of me feared that everyone’s fantastical accounts would prove themselves correct. I winced as though something had been waiting to ambush me, but when I lifted my lids, I beheld no such thing! In fact, it was a very cozy cottage! It was a bit odd not to have much separation between the spaces, but everything looked homely! It had a plush couch with matching chairs and a bookshelf on one side of the fireplace, and on the other was a large kitchen with a sturdy, wooden table, a voluminous sink, and plenty of shelves with an assortment of plates, bowls, pots, and pans too! A small staircase led to a loft with a bed that radiated comfort, and the chamber pot even looked cleaned out before its owner vacated the premises! I felt relieved to spot no signs of supernatural activity, and for the life of me, I couldn’t imagine why anyone would’ve wanted to abandon this abode!

“I don’t hear anything in there!” Aldrich shouted from outside. “Please tell me you’re still alive! Some mythical creature took her, I just know it! And now I’ll have to go in there to retrieve her corpse! Oh, but how will I do that without getting consumed myself?” he fretted to Cole. I wasn’t sure if Cole actually understood him, but his visage definitely appeared as though Cole was questioning his intelligence! Archibald turned back towards the Round House, and evidently, he didn’t hear me return because he gasped when he saw me standing there! “You survived? I mean, you survived! Splendid!”

“I’ll take it!” I announced.

My proclamation didn’t sink in for Aldrich right away. “You’ll take what?” I gestured towards the Round House, and he gawked at me in dumbfoundment. “Really? So, you didn’t see anything in there?” 

I shook my head. “Not even a spiderweb!”

“Aha! Even the spiders avoid that place! Doesn’t that tell you something?” Aldrich probed. I peered at him in a manner that suggested he couldn’t force me to back down, so at last, he relented, “Alright, let’s go see the vendue master!” As he handed Cole’s reins to me, a small rabbit darted across the path, and Cole whinnied in worry. I calmed him down, but Aldrich was thoroughly nonplussed. “Wait, so this whole time he was protecting me at all?”

“He… is very supportive!” I sheepishly regarded him as we trekked back to the town square.

We approached an older man who had short, curly gray hair with a matching goatee as he sat at a table, and he smiled warmly at Aldrich. “You’re done for the day, Mister Mayor? Let’s go get a pint of perry!”

Aldrich corrected him, “Actually, we’re here on business…”

He indicated to me, and I informed him, “I’d like to purchase the Round House on Pumpkin Patch Lane!”

“Good one!” the man chortled. When he realized neither of us was laughing, he sobered up pretty quickly. “You… You’re not joking?” 

“Yes It has a unique flair, and I’d like to move in as soon as possible!” I staunchly conveyed to him. He looked at me very curiously, so I uncomfortably queried, “So… Is that a yes or no?”

The man questioned me, “You just rolled into town, and you want to buy the worst house we have?”

I differed with him, “It’s not the worst! Okay, so I haven’t toured Lynnbrook enough to verify the accuracy of that statement, but its distinctive allure becomes more apparent if you take the time to get to know it!” 

“You don’t deny the sudden interest in the home, though,” the man pointed out.

“That’s true,” I confessed. “I’m desperate to leave my current living arrangements, so I’m willing to give this city a chance!” 

The man sniffed in doubt. “A likely story! Nice try, British spy!”

I groaned in aggravation. “Not this again! I already told your mayor that your traitorous problem started long before I got here! Besides, even if I wanted to do it, I wouldn’t know how to begin! Just keep wandering around New Hampshire until I run into their troops?” The vendue master’s face was blank, so I turned to Aldrich, who merely shrugged.

“So, you’re not here to detail our resources and policies to our sworn enemies?” he interrogated me. I vigorously shook my head, and he showed signs of being ready to accept this reality. “I apologize for the examination, but I have to be certain of my decisions! I take my job very seriously! I am Cornelius Roland, and I am the vendue master! And tobaccoist!” He gesticulated to his various wares inside of his shop.

“Listen, all I plan to do with my time is work on my novel!” I assured him.

Aldrich muttered, “She’s a writer- that explains her dotty behavior!” He appeared surprised at the words that tumbled out of his mouth, and he quizzed himself, “Did I just say that out loud?” He caught sight of the way I was staring at him, and I supposed he felt bad for his somewhat rude outburst since he advocated to Cornelius, “It couldn’t hurt to have someone occupy that post in case the British wind up persuading the N’dakinna tribe to join them…”

Cornelius raged, “Ooh, they better not! If they do that, I’ll… I don’t know, but it won’t be pretty!’ He shuddered, and then he petitioned me, “Do you have a hundred dollars?” I nodded, and he finally acquiesced, “Alright, sold!” I plopped my purse onto the counter to give him the money, and he lamented, “Tarnation! I should’ve held out for more!”

I gave him the requested funds, and he handed me the deed to the home. “Huzzah!” I rejoiced. “I own my own house! What a glorious day!”

Lightning flashed as thunder clapped outside, and it was raucous enough to cause us all to jump! Aldrich fretted, “Wow! That was ominous!”

Cornelius begrudgingly invited me, “Well, stay here until it’s safe to go outdoors again!” There was a tense silence, and after a minute or so, Cornelius conversed with me, “Do you use tobacco?”

“No,” I affirmed.

“Oh! …I’m not really positive where to go from here!” Cornelius bluntly opined. We stood in another bout of tense silence, and it grew worse when I brought Cole inside for protection from the storm. I rested my chin in my hands as I impatiently waited to begin the next phase of my life.

A couple of days later, I rode back into the area with a cart full of my most valuable possessions. More whispers and gossip commenced upon my reappearance, but in this instance, I expected it. One lady baldly asked me, “You’re supposed to be rich, and that’s all you brought?”

I answered her, “The place is already furnished, so why would I bring much else?”

“But, if you don’t bring anything from your life with your husband, you’ll erase his memory completely!” the lady objected. 

“Yes, that was my intention all along!” I riposted. The lady and her companion nearly fainted at that premise, but I had no desire to explain myself, so I merely smirked and carried on.

After I settled in, I lit a fire and sat on the couch savoring the scenery as I drank a glass of wine. I was quite content there already, and that prompted me to wonder out loud, “How could anyone abandon this abode?”

“Do you really want to know?” a stranger’s voice posed to me from the other side of the room…

Three If by Broomstick, Chapter 1

October 3, 1776: I had a lovely ride through the New Hampshire forest- other than nearly falling into the river when my horse, Cole, veered off path in an attempt to avoid a menacing shadow, it was a smooth journey! The foliage was breathtaking this time of the year, and this rural area contained so much more plantlife than the bustling port city of Raven Nook from which I came! The crisp, Autumn air felt so refreshing on my skin, and it really seemed to bode well for my new adventure… Or so I thought…

We finally entered into Lynnbrook, and I marvelled at its beauty! It had a rustic charm that gave it a cozy aura, and even though it appeared rather small, it also seemed toserve as a hub for everything people in the region needed. I was so entranced by its simplistic grace that it took me ages to realize that bystanders were staring at me! At first, I presumed that this reaction to my presence merely stemmed from me being a stranger to their neck of the woods, but soon, I realized they weren’t exactly giving me looks of admiration! Many individuals were pointing and whispering, and their expressions bore significant disdain! I pondered this odd behavior, and it finally dawned on me that they were judging me! I found that to be so mystifying! It was inexplicable why that would occur, and it stunned me to see that the ugliness of the inhabitants, for it did not match the rest of the handsome hamlet!

When I finally arrived at Nature’s Arcanum, I tried not to look at the passersby- I feared that I would lose enough focus from my mission that I would leave with an unintended remedy instead of what I really needed! As I hitched Cole to the store’s post, I really strove not to analyze what just transpired too much. I wanted to understand their activity, but for the time being, I set that issue aside and strolled inside.

Bells chimed as I opened the door, and I was greeted by the aromatic scent of various herbs and tea blends, all of whic where on display throughout the apothecary floor. I passed by a mirror on the wall, and normally, I would have overlooked this commodity, but my curiosity compelled me to study it. My chestnut hair was a bit weathered from the trip, but it was not so obvious underneath my hat. My golden-brown eyes had some red lines, but they weren’t distracting from the rest of my appearance. My light beige skin certainly could have used some treatment for dryness, but surely that wouldn’t have garnered me so much gossip! My overall look was neat and tidy, so I still felt baffled as to why those pedestrians were ogling me like that! 

“Missus Delaney!” an older gentleman with long, gray hair and a matching beard came bounding out from the back room.

“Doctor Crane!” I jumped in fright upon his sudden entrance. Perhaps I shouldn’t have been so shocked at encountering the shopkeeper in his own shop! I collected myself, and then I informed him, “It’s Dobbin now! Or you can just call me Clarinda.”

His brows furrowed upon hearing that. “You’re abandoning your husband’s name?”

I explained my decision, “Thorn isn’t my husband anymore! He’s the Lord’s problem now! If he made it that far…”

“Oh, I see…” Doctor Crane claimed he understood, but I suspect he was mostly trying to end a conversation with an awkward subject. “Couldn’t wait until I returned to the city to get your digestive elixir?”

“Well, it gave me an excuse to get out of that house! Everything in there reminds me of Thorn! Especially the paintings! I wanted to burn them, but his family wouldn’t let me! I covered them with cloth, but I still know they’re there!” I sighed as he gave me a bottle of that elixir.

Doctor Crane observed, “You seem to have a bit of hostility towards the man!”

I responded, “Doctor Crane, you of allpeople know what that prick put me through! I’m grateful he got me out of the miserable conditions of my childhood home, but I’ll never forgive him for the misery I endured during the course of our marriage!”

“Yes, well, at least now you can get a fresh start!” Doctor Crane consoled me as I handed him the coinage needed to complete this transaction.

“That’s precisely my intention!” I chirped. “I’m going to use a portion of my inheritance to finally obtain my freedom and get a life of my own! Since I have no children and no need of such a large estate, I’m in the market for a small abode! Incidentally, do you happen to know of any homes for sale in Lynnbrook?”

Doctor Crane shook his head. “We don’t have many houses here let alone ones that are being sold! There’s certainly room for expansion, but if you want something that’s already built, I’m afraid you’re out of luck! Well, unless you want the Round House on Pumpkin Patch Lane!” 

He laughed like he had said that in jest, but I was quite intrigued by the idea. “Are they asking a high price for it? I have the funds if that’s the case!”

“You’re not serious?” Doctor Crane instantly sobered up after my enquiry aired.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” I wondered. “It sounds peculiarly shaped, but as long as I have a roof over my head, I can live with it… It does have a roof, doesn’t it?”

Doctor Crane surmised, “You haven’t heard the story behind this home, have you?”

I confirmed this finding, “No, that one hasn’t quite reached Raven Nook yet. Did someone die there? Because someone died at the estate, so it wouldn’t be that different…”

Gesturing to a consultation table next to the cash register’s stand, Doctor Crane invited me tosit down. If he felt that this measure was necessary, I reasoned that this narrative must have been quite dramatic, so my interest piqued. He took a deep breath, and then he relayed the tale to me, “Years ago, a watch tower was built when the N’dakinna tribe and the original colonists were clashing over boundary disputes. The N’dakinna tribe argued that they were there first and were therefore entitled to the land, and the colonists believed that they had the right to the land because… Well, I’m not really sure what their arguments were. In any case, they eventually gained a chief who was more peaceful, so the watch tower was converted into a home. A fellow named Brom Sanderson resided in it for years. He was a constable, and a very tough one too! He didn’t care who you were or why you did it- if you broke the law, he’d capture you and bring you to justice! It got a bit annoying, to be honest! I once ate a berry growing in my neighbor’s yard, and he tried to cite me for stealing! One little berry! My neighbor didn’t even notice until he made such a fuss about it! Anyways, nothing daunted this fellow until, one day, he saw something that spooked him so badly that he left town and never returned!”

“What did he see?” I asked with great anticipation.

“Nobody knows!” Doctor Crane answered. “To this day, it remains a mystery. This is why no one has ventured onto the property though- they’re scared of what they might find there!”

My fascination with this history plummeted upon hearing this anticlimactic ending. “That’s it? He was scared of some unknown entity, and everyone became too frightened to go near his house?” 

Doctor Crane argued, “Nothing inspired fear in this fellow!”

“Everyone has a fear of something!” I contended. “One of my brothers was terrified of dolls! My sisters and I always had to hide them; it was quite irritating! He could have cowered from something equally nonthreatening, and you all are acting as if he got visited by a ghost or something!”

“I’m not saying I believe something supernatural visited him!” Doctor Crane bickered. “It could have been nothing! But, if it was something, I don’t want to deal with it!”

Driven by my desire to escape from my current circumstances, I stood up and declared, “Well, if no one else will summon up the courage to check it out, I’ll use my antipathy toward the topic to take a gander! I’ll show you there are no monsters there, and then I’m buying that house!” I began to storm out, but I soon realized I had to circle back. “Who must I speak with to do this?”

Doctor Crane shrugged. “I’m not sure! You can ask our town crier, Percy Fawkes. He knows everything that goes on in the region!”

“Thank you, Doctor!” I gratefully smiled at him prior to heading out.

“Clarinda, wait!” Doctor Crane called after me.

I coolly regarded him, “You’re not going to change my mind!”

He notified me, “You forgot your elixir!”

“Oh!” Once again, I circled back to him. I then mumbled, “Thank you, Doctor! I’m looking forward to seeing you again soon!”

“I certainly you do!” Doctor Crane remarked with a grimace. I didn’t acknowledge his doubts on the outcome of this venture as I finally exited the building.

In the middle of the town square, I beheld two men talking. One was a rather short and slim chap with a somewhat pointed beard and bright clothing holding a bell, and I assumed him to be the town crier. It surprised me that the residents of this village trusted a chap with such a crafty demeanor, but I thought perhaps I made too snap of a judgment on him. The other gentleman was a taller bloke with a powdered wig tied in a ponytail beneath a tricorn hat- he had a more friendly carriage, although his neck bulged out like an angry bullfrog! I would have preferred to discourse with the bullfrog bloke… until…

The bullfrog bloke aimed a stubby finger at me and exclaimed, “Maybe it was you!” 

“I beg your pardon?” I glimpsed at him in astonishment at his abrupt hostility towards me.

“You’ll get no pardons from me, Turncoat! Not if you’ve betrayed my town to the British!” the bullfrog bloke seethed.

I was confused by his logic for that accusation, but I did my utmost to remain polite. “Sir, I am a stranger to Lynnbrook, so even if I wanted to work for such reprehensible people, I wouldn’t have had time to deliver anything to them!”

The bullfrog bloke glanced at the pointy bearded chap for verification and inquired, “Is it true, Fawkes?”

“Aye, Aldrich,” Fawkes confirmed. “I’ve never seen her here before! Or anywhere else really…”

“I’m sorry, madam!” Aldrich apologized. “I’m just so haunted by whoever has been communicating with our enemy, I’m all of a dither! Where are my manners? Mayor Aldrich Walker, at your service!”

Based on his erraticness, his title dumbfounded me, but I really hoped my face didn’t show this! As perplexing as I found his actions, and as stumped as I was that, out of all the candidates, the populace elected him, I still needed information from him. I planned on staying on his good side, so I curtsied as I introduced myself, “How do you do, Mister Mayor? I’m Clarinda Dobbin, and I was hoping to-!”

A woman ambled by and loudly whispered to her friend, “Whoever owns that black horse must be quiz! He’s too spooky to be owned by anyone normal!”

“Cole is not spooky! And I’m not quiz!” I abandoned all pretense out of offense at her slight, but I quickly composed myself as I turned back to Aldrich and requested, “I’m interested in buying the Round House on Pumpkin Patch Lane!” More whispers erupted behind me, and I supposed that I had not done well in proving their accusation false, but all I could do at that juncture was plan to prove to everybody that they had gotten the wrong impression of me!

“You want to see the Round House?” Aldrich stared at me in disbelief. “What, did you lose a wager?”

I assured him, “I’ve heard the story behind it, and I’m not bothered by it! May I speak with the current owner?” 

Aldrich nervously contemplated the matter, and after a small stretch, he seemed to reach a conclusion…

Three If by Broomstick Project

If anyone is wondering why I haven’t posted in a while, it’s because I’m still developing a new story! Three If by Broomstick is a comedy set during the American Revolutionary War, and it stars a misfit newcomer who has to save a gossipy town from a witch sent by a traitor who favors the British! It’s a slower process with this one because I’m working at a temporary job at a tax place now, and I don’t have as much time to write. I make sure to do at least 15 minutes a day though, so it’s still chugging along! I’ll post the first chapter as soon as it’s ready! Stay tuned!

New Trouble, Chapter 38

“Go see what it is!” Halorykta ordered Petroruxei’o.

“What? Why me? What did I do?” Petroruxei’o objected. Halorykta gave him an apprising look, and then he recalled, “Oh, right!”

He bounded down the stairs, and Sam stated, “I’m actually rather glad that we’re in this enclosure since it puts a barrier between us and whatever monster we may encounter!”

Beck pointed out, “Unless it’s a huge, strong monster- then we’re sitting ducks!” My besties and I concurred with that, but prior to any of us speculating on that any further…

“You should go back!” Petroruxei’o advised someone.

”Why? What’s wrong?” a muffled voice asked.

Petroruxei’o answered, “Thanks for asking! I woke up with a cramp in my stomach! You’d think I wouldn’t have to deal with such things since I’m a god and not technically living, but it’s worth the pain in order to feel pleasure…”

Halorykta barked, “Petroruxei’o! Who are you blabbering your life story to?’

“Seriously! You should leave! My wife is on a rampage!” Petroruxei’o again advised the muffled voice. “If you think Earth women are a handful when they’re PMSing…”

“I’m not leaving ‘til I know everyone is safe!” the muffled voice declared. They ran up the steps, and…

My heart beat wildly to see him again! I rejoiced, “Luke!” Luke smiled at me, and I smiled back until I espied Halorykta’s curious stare. I was heartbroken to do so, but I couldn’t have him anywhere near her if I wanted humanity to continue, so I directed him, “Petroruxei’o is right, you gotta get out of here! You’re the key to Pandora’s Box, and she’s gonna use you to destroy the planet!”

Halorykta corrected me, “He’s not the key!”

“He’s not?” I puzzled.

“No!” Halorykta confirmed. “Are you serious? If the key just walked right into my lap like that, I would’ve grabbed it and used it by now!”

Sally surmised, “Ah, so the key is a living thing?”

Halorykta reminded her, “I’m not telling you until you agree to give it up! Interested?”

“Not that much!” Sally refused.

“Wait, that’s why you kept rejecting me?” Luke quizzed me. 

I was elated for a chance to explain my behavior to him, and I gladly spilled my guts to Luke, “Yes! And, no! Oh, Luke! I spent my whole life getting told that true love doesn’t exist, so when my feelings for you grew deep, a part of me wanted to believe that to protect myself from getting hurt by delusion! It just seemed too good to be true to have found someone who makes me so happy! I’m so sorry!”

Luke filled me in, “Don’t apologize! I went looking for you ‘cause I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry! Actually, my mom heard what happened, and she wouldn’t let me out of her sight ‘til I found you! I…” He studied our surroundings, and then he suggested, “Let’s discuss this after I get you out of here! She probably didn’t anticipate having someone arriving in time to free you!” He chuckled as he reached for the cage’s door.

Preceding him unlatching the lock, Halorykta magicked him inside of the cage! “Don’t assume you can outsmart me, motal!” she seethed.

“Sorry, I tried!” Luke breathily broadcasted to us as he got situated between Beck and Sam.

“How much longer do we gotta do this?” Sally inquired in a strained tone.

Halorykta replied, “Until it stops being funny to me!” She spotted her crow in the mix, and she hollered, “What are you doing in there? Why are you sticking to them?” Halorykta struggled to get the bird out, and she griped, “What’s wrong with you? It’s like you’re under a confusion spell!”

She had a realization, and then she glared at Petroruxei’o. Petroruxei’o shifted guiltily and defended himself, “It’s the only way I could have saved them from the Fantasma Ailouros!”

“You’ve been helping them?” Halorykta roared.

“Why?” Beck petitioned him. “I mean, we appreciate it, dude, but aren’t you on her side?”

Halorykta became so angry that her visage turned red! She vociferated, “Mortals ruin everything! I need to get rid of them now! I may not have the key to Pandora’s Box, but I can do it on my own! How shall I do it? Did I already unleash the Aericas onto Earth?”

The situation was so ridiculous that I had to speak up! “Oh, as if! You’re really gonna wipe out all of humanity just ‘cause your husband had an affair with my great, great grandma a hundred years ago?”

Luke, Sally, Sam, and Beck all gawked at me in astonishment, and then they turned to Halorykta for confirmation. Halorykta folded her arms and pouted, “How would you feel if your spouse were unfaithful after they vowed to spend an eternity together?”

“I didn’t realize an eternity would be so long!” Petroruxei’o lamented. “You hardly had time for me, and when I met Hecate, I felt loved and cared for!”

“Love and caring?” Halorykta scoffed. “You can get that from a puppy! You felt something else, and that feeling got an Earth woman pregnant!”

That came as news to me! “Wait, you’re my great, great grandfather?”

Not making eye contact with Halorykta’s glowering face, Petroruxei’o certified this, “Yes! I couldn’t marry her since I already bound myself to someone else forever, and single motherhood wasn’t socially acceptable in that period, so she hurried to find someone else to marry her, and I never saw her again!”

“Wow! So, I’m a goddess?” I became dumbfounded at the very notion.

“No, even a drop of mortal blood taints the celestial status,” Petroruxei’o informed me. “Don’t be so disappointed- deity life isn’t all it’s cracked up to be!”

Halorykta scowled at him. “Pretty soon, you’ll have no other option but to stay here with me! The mortal realm will be destroyed, and then what will you do? Try to have another affair with a mermaid? Remember, they don’t have human legs!”

I admonished her, “You’re really gonna evoke the apocalypse rather than work on your marital problems?”

“When you say it like that, you make it sound idiotic!” Halorykta sulked.

“Come on, dear!” Petroruxei’o urged her. “I’d be willing to give it a try if you’ll join me!”

Halorykta gazed into his pleading eyes, and she relented, “Oh, alright! I’ll give it a try, too! But, if it doesn’t work, I’ll end the world in another century!”

They hugged each other, and it was sweet to watch, but… “Um… Can we go now?” Sally requested.

“Oh, sure!” Halorykta used a jinx to take out the bottom of the cage.

“Ouch!” Sam yelled out as we landed in a heap on the floor.

As soon as my eyes met Luke’s, I recognized that we got another chance to be together! With nothing holding me back any longer, I fell into his arms, and I gave him a passionate kiss! I was lighter than air to be in this embrace! It was like I found where I belonged, and I was so elated that I forgot where I was! Or, at least I did until…

Halorykta screeched, “Get out!”

Hand in hand, Luke and I led the others to the smelly bathroom. Apparently, the cacophony we heard earlier was Luke knocking over the chamber pot! We went inside of the mirror door, and we landed in the basement of the Hecate House! Sam exclaimed, “Great Scotty! That was just like the transporter in Star Trek! I never thought I’d live long enough to experience that! Let’s do it again!” Sam mulled that over for a moment, and then he reconsidered, “Oh, right! Never mind!”

“It’s just too bad we never found out what the key to Pandora’s Box was!” Sally remarked.

“Oh, that reminds me!” Beck remembered something. “When I was installing wire in these walls, a small tin box fell out! It was full of love letters, but it had an old-fashioned key too! It looked pretty cool, so I put it in my pocket to give it to you later, Penny, but Belle put it on my work’s key ring when she did the laundry. I can give it to you… Where are my pants? Oh, crap! How am I gonna get back to the police station like this?”

Luke volunteered, “I’ll get you there! I can get all you guys to work, and then Penny and I can bring the key back here, and… Then what?” He glimpsed at us ponderously.

No one had a good answer for that. Now that we were fairly certain what the key was, our task to protect it became more real. Oh sure, Halorykta agreed to relinquish her apocalyptic quest, but if she and her husband couldn’t patch things up with each other, then this supernatural saga could easily resume! And, if they lived happily ever after, then there was always the possibility that some other entity could go after it! It was a daunting prospect, and nobody knew what to do about it, which prompted Sam to query, “So, is this predicament over or not?”

We all shrugged, and after a weighty minute, I decreed, “We’ll figure that out later! For now, let’s just focus on what you guys can tell your bosses about why you disappeared, and then Luke and I can come back to the Hecate House to christen it properly!”

“I suppose I can swing by a liquor store and pick up some champagne on the way back…” Luke mapped out the route in his head.

“That’s not what I meant!” I strolled up to him and gave him my most Sally-like naughty grin.

When it finally clicked for him what I intended to convey, he grinned back at me. “Oh! That sounds…! I love you so much!”

I returned his sentiments, “I love you, too!”

We smooched again, and I still couldn’t believe my luck in finding someone who could bring this much joy into my life. The way he held me made me believe he couldn’t wait for the “christening” that long, but then he let me know, “We may have to postpone that for a while- we have a visitor here…” Our curiosity piqued, and the five of us headed upstairs.

When we emerged from the basement, we saw Kitty there with a mop and some purple cleaning solution in her hands. She heard us enter into the room, and she swiveled around and greeted me, “Penny, mija! I hope you don’t mind, but I did a little sprucing up! I couldn’t help it, it was filthy in here! Luckily, I keep supplies in my car for such an emergency!”

Kitty ogled Beck in surprise, and Beck apprised her, “I left my clothes at the police station… Don’t ask!”

She gazed at Sam and Sally for explanation, but they gestured in a fashion that suggested they had a lack of knowledge on this transpiration, so she let it go and canvassed Luke and me, “So, did you two make up?”

“We sure did!” Luke merrily told his mom while his arm was wrapped around my waist. “But, these three are late for work, so I gotta get going! Will you two be okay?”

“Of course!” I assured him. I would’ve preferred to have had a couple hours alone with Luke, but I was delighted tospend quality time with my future mother-in-law.

Luke gave me a peck prior to everyone’s departure, and as I resumed polishing the bannister, Kitty conversed, “I had a client this morning, Missus Bravo- she’s over ninety, and the poor thing is losing it, I think! She was telling me that she helped fight some monsters! Can you believe that?”

I was hesitant about how to answer that. “Uh…” There was a knock on the door, and I was grateful to have an excuse to change the topic! To my shock, it was Ned! “Oh, no! Not again, Ned!”

“You set me up with that clingy chick, Libby?” Ned accosted me.

“Yeah…” I was already dreading his reaction to this move, and I sincerely wished I hadn’t dont at first…

Ned started off frowning, but then he smiled and graciously regarded me, “I can’t thank you enough! I’m having a ball!”

I became stunned by this development. “Oh, no worries! Yeah, I totally did that on purpose!”

“We’re going to a Halloween gala at the country club!” Libby announced as she popped up beside him.

“Wonderful! Make sure he doesn’t eat any dairy!” I recommended to her.

Libby agreed, and Ned articulated, “Thanks again! Bye, Penny!”

I verbalized, “Bye, Ned!”

As I watched them walk away and get into his vehicle, which still had damage from the monsters he got involved with, I felt pride that at least one chapter was finished…

Did we go on anymore otherworldly adventures? Well, that’s a story for another day! Luke and I put the key in the safe for the theatre’s profits- it seemed the safest there, safe is literally in its name! I wanted to get this ridiculous tale out there to implore our grandchildren and all the other future generations to keep the key in the family, and continue to protect it, always!

The End!

New Trouble, Chapter 37

I raised my eyebrows skeptically at her. “How dumb do you think we are?”

“I left my clothes in my client’s bathroom! My stash is in my pocket, and my client is a police station!” Beck slapped his forehead.

“Why did you change your wardrobe there?” Sam wondered.

Beck told him, “I wasn’t! I was taking a dump! It’s a little hard to do your business in a jumpsuit without getting practically naked!”

I relayed to the bathing women, “Well, in any case, we’re still not naive enough tofall for whatever trap you’re trying to set for us!”

“No, really!” the one woman insisted. “Halorykta had to hide the exit somewhere where the other monsters wouldn’t find it, and not a lot of residents here use the bathhouse! Actually, a lot of them can’t even fit in here, so it’s the perfect place, really!”

“That makes sense, actually!” Sally contemplated the matter.

I argued with her, “No, not you too! No resident of Tartarus is sincerely interested in helping us!”

Sally shot back, “Then why did you suggest somebody might do that when we started this journey?”

“I…! I dunno!” I admitted. “So far, the only one who’s been nice to us is the bird!” I referred to the calm crow still perched on my shoulder. “Please don’t go potty on me!”

“Penny is quite correct,” Sam sided with me. “Our feathered friend has given us no cause for disquiet; it’s proven itself trustworthy from its lengthy stretch without incident! A lot of monsters have given us a false sense of security only to betray us in the end, so we really ought to exercise caution in this instance!”

The woman seductively regarded him, “I won’t hurt you! …Unless you want me to!”

Sam readily jerked towards her. “Okie dokie!”

“Nuh-uh!” Sally pulled him back. “You can only think with one head at a time, so one of us ladies will have to check their story out!”

“Oh, no! I’m not gonna be the canary in the coal mine again!” I protested. I glanced at the crow and added, “No offense to your species!”

Sally handed Sam over to me as if he were a dog on a leash. “Alright, I’ll go look!”

The bathing women watched her with a keen intrigue, and as I held the men back, I got a bad feeling about this venture. I recommended, “Let’s just keep going and ask some other monsters about the accuracy of their account!”

“No! There really is an exit!” Sally apprised me. “It says ‘Earth’ with an arrow going up!” I remained skeptical, and she accosted me, “What? What could possibly go wrong at this point?” One of the women’s arms stretched out, grabbed her, and held her underwater!
“Sally!” I cried out. I let go of the men, picked up a rock, and hurled it towards the malefactresses. I missed the one I was aiming for, of course, but it still landed on one of them, forcing them to fall backwards and reveal their fins! “Mermaids! Aw! You guys were supposed to be nice! Thanks for ruining a piece of my childhood!” 

The women scornfully cackled. While they were preoccupied, Sally reached her hand upward, clutched her captor’s hair, and pulled her down. The mermaid fell into the basin, and since she lost her grip while doing so, Sally emerged and rolled out of the tub and returned to us. After recuperating for a few seconds, Sally remarked, “It’s a good thing I have plenty of practice holding my breath for ages! Don’t ask me why!”

Sam conveyed to her, “When it comes ot your personal life, we try not to do any follow-up questions!”

“Didn’t I tell you something about them was… fishy?” I kidded my besties.

“Great! You’re doing puns now? Is that our punishment for not listening to your warnings?” Sally sulked.

As we trudged along, I thought that Luke would’ve appreciated my humor, and my heart panged for him. I wished he was here, but recalling where I was, I wished I was with him back in Adonis Shores! I also dearly hoped that we would get out of this debacle alive so I could see his handsome face again!

The four of us chatted as we continued our trek, and Beck earnestly implored us, “I’m a one-woman man, and they caught me off-guard! I wouldn’t have done anything other than look, I swear! If Belle ever finds out about this, you tell her that, ‘kay?” 

“Okay, okay!” I relented. “Jeez, you seem more concerned about getting in trouble with her than the police officers!”

“If I go to jail, I’ll be safe! If I piss her off, I gotta sleep in the bed as a scorned girlfriend! That’s a lot more dangerous!” Beck shuddered.

I assured Beck, “I don’t think she’ll ever find out! She was at KD Nickels when we faced those skeleton warriors, and she had no idea anything went on. She wouldn’t recognize the mystical realm if it were staring her in the face!” When I swiveled back to face the road, there was a nearly translucent panther staring into my eyes! “Oh, hello!” I greeted it nervously.

The ghost panther growled and began to pace around our pack! More of them manifested, and soon, we were surrounded by dozens of them! Sam commented, “I highly doubt our go-to methodology of combating monsters will suffice in this scenario- rocks won’t hurt a being without a central nervous system!”

“How do we defeat them then?” I catechized.

“I’ve got an idea!” Sally pulled out her keys, and she pointed a small flashlight at the ground. A small red dot shone onto the surface, and Sally wiggled it around like it was a mouse scurrying in a field. The ghost panthers’ behavior didn’t change, so Sally pouted, “Well, it works with normal cats!”

Beck theorized, “If I had my pants, I could’ve used my stash like sage! Belle smudges our house to ward off evil spirits, and I think they’re in the same family!”

I suggested, “Maybe if we keep moving, they’ll step aside!” I inched forward slightly- one of the ghost panthers nipped at my feet, so I retracted it and sighed, “I guess not!”

“Holy smokes! After everything we’ve been through, this is where it ends?” Sally bemoaned.

“Oh, come on! We’ve overcome a lot of difficult things! We can beat this, too!” I attempted to buoy everyone’s spirits.

Sam challenged me, “How are we supposed to beat an entire colony of ferocious beasts?”

I waivered on that issue, “Uhhh…! We…” The ghost panthers positioned themselves as if they were ready to pounce, so I changed tactics slightly, “Well, we’re not going down without a fight! We’ll punch and kick the bastards as they swarm in, and maybe, just maybe, we’ll knock enough of them out to allow us to escape! Get ready! We got this!” I poised myself to defend against their assault, but even I had a lack of faith in our ability to overcome the odds that were heavily stacked against us…

The ghost panthers propelled themselves towards us, and as I dealt some jabs, I expected to feel their sharp fangs sinking deep into my flesh! I would’ve also guessed I would’ve felt fur, whiskers, or anything really, but I didn’t feel a thing other than a slight chill! I grew quite confused, so I glanced over to my friends. Sam was crouching as he used his arms as shields from peril, Beck watched them pass by as if he expected one of them to make contact with him, and Sally simply ogled them in confusion. It took a minute for it to dawn on me, but I eventually concluded, “They can’t actually hurt us!”

“Yes! I knew that!” Sam claimed as he stood back up from a cowering position.

“So, we just ignore them?” Beck surmised.

I certified this, “Yeah! Let’s move on!” We resumed our march through that hellish village, and the ghost panthers persisted in their bombardment of us. Their growling and hissing were quite audible, and it didn’t take long for me to lose my temper over this. “Okay, this is really annoying! I don’t wanna spend the rest of the trip like this!”

Sally concurred, “Me either! I didn’t bring a sweater!” She cradled herself as she shivered from their recurrent interactions with us.

“How do we get rid of them?” I pondered. As if on cue, the crow started cawing, and the ghost panthers winced as if they were spooked prior to their disappearance! I gazed at the crow and quizzed it, “You’ve had that up your sleeve this whole time?”

“Oh, good!” Sam expressed in alleviation as Haloyrkta’s summoning crystal appeared above our heads. “I’m actually relieved to see that commodity for once!”

When we landed back in Halorykta’s throne room, we immediately got swept into a gilded cage! As we roosted above the floor, squished together, Sally dryly muttered, “Oh, this is an improvement!”

Halorykta laughed derisively at us, and Petroruxei’o ran in looking aghast. “Hey! You can’t do that!” Petroruxei’o objected.

“I’m not hurting them!” Halorykta irritably contended.

“Does pride count?” Beck posed to them with his lips stuck on a bar.

Petroruxei’o differed, “No, I meant that’s mine!”

Halorykta snapped, “We are husband and wife! What’s yours is mine, and what’s mine is yours!”

“Does that mean I can use your wine salts?” Petroruxei’o inquired.

“No!” Halorykta vehemently replied. She turned her attention back to us and leered, “Having fun?”

I sarcastically asserted, “Yeah! So much so that we’re prepared to give you the key and stay here forever!”

Halorykta figured, “You’re joking, aren’t you?” I nodded, and she raged, “Ugh! This is why I hate humans! You’re so insincere!” 

“Says the girl who wears hair extensions!” I riposted.

“Quit trying to get under my skin!” Halorykta barked. “If you cause my temper to flare enough, you won’t like the consequences!”

Sam massaged his squished arm and reacted incredulously, “This is you being nice?”

Halorykta ranted, “I’m done standing idly by as you selfishly withhold me from my destiny! I cannot permit this injustice to continue! Your kind is fullof liars, philanderers, thieves, and, worst of all, singers who keep repeating the same words over and over and over again! Human beings taint everything they touch, and their existence makes me sick! Humanity deserves to get obliterated!”

“Humans aren’t all bad!” I enspeeched. “Yes, there are some terrible people, but there is a lot of good in the world too! We have individuals who dedicate their whole lives to helping others, and some even risk their own safety to do so! Sometimes, strangers will even give up the shirts off their backs to assist those in need! Sure, there’s a lot of hate and crime, but there’s also a lot of love and kindness! You’re only focusing on the negative parts! Have you been watching that biased news channel?”

“There is not enough goodness out there to justify the continued existence of mortals!” Halorykta maintained.

I probed, “Why do you hate us so much? This feels personal- who hurt you?” She craned her neck to stare at a distant corner, which made it seem futile to stay on the same track, so I gave up on that tactic. “You don’t wanna say? Fine! But you’re not gonna convince us to give you the key to Pandora’s Box! So, you may as well send us back to Tartarus!”

Beck verbalized, “Or Earth! I don’t wanna fight any monsters for a while- my foot’s asleep!”

“I’d like to go anywhere but here!” Sally put in. “My boobs are pressed against the metal! I’m glad I decided not to get that nipple ring!”

“Don’t say stuff like that!” Petroruxei’o requested. “Then I’ll never get my wife to-!”

Halorykta interrupted him, “I’m not getting them! My me! Where do you get ideas like that?”

A light bulb swiftly went off in my head. “Wait, you were the-?”

Suddenly, there was clamor downstairs, and Halorykta observed, “We’re not alone here!”

New Trouble, Chapter 36

There was a small crack of light in the void… I was surprised that I landed on a smooth surface, but I had no clue where I was or how to get out of there. I didn’t know what would happen if I went near the light, and I didn’t totally trust it, but I had no other choice but to explore its meaning. It turned out to be a small slit on a solid surface, and it appeared as though the light emanated from another room. I thought my curiosity piqued merely as a result of searching for a secret entrance to the Hecate House! I was dying to see what was in the room! I pressed an eyeball to the crack, and…

A door swung open, and I nearly tripped over a nearby vase! The entryway closed behind me, and it looked like nothing more than an antique, full-length mirror! I expected this place to be far more mystical, but instead, a sewage-like odor hit my nostrils like a freight train! I nearly threw up in the vase, but I soon realized that it wasn’t actually a vase… “A chamber pot? Hecate’s lover left through their bathroom?”

I tiptoed to the hallway, and it seemed like I was in some sort of palace! I felt guilty for trespassing, but I wasn’t certain how to return home. I peered down the foyer, and I didn’t hear any signs of life. I swiveled my head to the left, and to my startlement, there was a crow perched on top of an actual vase! “Whoa! You scared me, buddy! I guess Halorykta isn’t the only one with a pet like you!” It cawed, and I shushed it, “Please, don’t! I don’t want your owner to think I’m an intruder! Well, I am one, but I don’t want them to think that!” It perched on my shoulder and extended its foot towards me, and I catechized, “What am I supposed to do with that?” It threatened to caw again, so I stroked its talon. That appeared to placate it, so I shrugged and moved on.

There was a staircase leading to a larger room, and it sounded like there was a slight noise in the distance, so it seemed worth checking out. I predicted seeing a posh sitting room, but, to my shock, it was the same throne room my besties and I frequently got summoned to! “Wait, that means I’m in… And you’re…!” I glimpsed at the crow with terror, and I wanted to flee and take my chances in the void to escape this lair at once, but then…

“Hello? Where did you fly off to? I-!” Halorykta burst into the room with a towel on! When she spotted me, she looked as though she nearly had a heart attack! “What in the name of me are you doing here?” She espied her crow on my shoulder, and she got insulted. “Traitor!”

“Whoa! You were using hair extensions! I knew it!” I grinned when I noticed her shorter mane.

Halorykta clicked her tongue out of annoyance. “Fine, yes! I embellish my appearance a little! I take them off in the salt therapy quarters, and I didn’t imagine I’d run into anyone worth impressing!” She rubbed her chin contemplatively, and then she concluded, “I must have dozed off and summoned you by accident!” I did my utmost not to give off a guilty vibe- I did not have a clue why I was keeping the portal a secret, but somebody hid it, and they were probably shielding it from her. I doubted that she would’ve kept it quiet if she were Hecate’s lover, but obviously somebody was sneaking into the mortal realm! She would have been loud and proud about a feat like that, but then again, she most likely just would have shown up and wouldn’t have devised such a furtive means of transportation! I also clammed up in hopes that she would send me back to Earth, but instead, she… “Well, I may as well bring everyone else in since you’re already here!”

I cringed as she gave the air a flick of the wrist, and within a minute, Sally arrived in work pants and a rather risque shirt. Sally huffed, “Man! I was hoping to spend my lunch break at that Greek diner down the street!”

“Hungry?” I guessed.

“Not really!” She stowed away some perfume in her pocket.

Sam appeared with a fly swatter in his hands, and he grumped, “Did you really have to do that in the middle of a work shift? I had a heck of a time trying to hide your crystal from my colleagues!”

Beck manifested wearing only a t-shirt, and he had to pull up his boxers! “Dude! You couldn’t have waited until I put my jumper on?”

“Alright, go ahead and give us your spiel!” I vocalized as if I was also there by accident.

“I just wanted to let you know I’m not sending any more monsters up to the mortal realm anymore,” Haloyrkta announced as she perched on her throne, still in a towel but acting very regal.

Sally eyeballed her suspiciously. “This feels like a trick!”

Halorykta insisted, “No, no! I mean it!” We gazed at her in disbelief until she added, “I’m sending you straight to the source in Tartarus!” She laughed as the ground beneath us vanished, making us plummet far down below!

We landed on a rocky surface, and once we nursed our sore behinds, we studied our surroundings. It looked like we were in a normal village in an ancient era… except everything was on or near fire! As we gawked at the winding road ahead of us, Beck complained, “This isn’t fair! I gotta go through this creepy place and fight monsters without any pants!”

“Ive got pants on, and I’m fairly certain that it will not benefit me much!” Sam responded to him.

“Is the bird immortal?” I nervously glimpsed at the crow, who was still perched on my shoulder. “Because I really hope so!”

Sally canvassed the group, “Is there a path out of here?”

Beck adamantly stated, “I choose to believe there is!”

I theorized, “There must be ‘cause I don’t think she’d send us down here without us agreeing to give her the key to Pandora’s Box if we didn’t have a remote shot at surviving! But, there’s only one way to find out- let’s see what’s out there! Who knows, one of these creatures might wind up being helpful to us!” No one really believed that, not even me, but we crossed our fingers that this would be the case as we initiated the onset of our latest misadventure.

As we marvelled at the empty and shoddy edifices, Sam observed, “The doors are all unlocked! Did Halorykta leave it like that after she retrieved her monsters, or do members of this community go around destroying each other?”

“I wish Luke were here! He’d probably know about what’s in this hellhole!” Sally expressed. She espied my face, and she apologized, “Oh, I’m sorry! I forgot! I got used to him being around for this stuff…”

“It’s okay!” I assured her. “I wish he were here too! I wanna tell him that…” I trailed off when I became aware of a giant shadow heading towards our proximity. “Oh, maybe this isn’t the best moment to discuss my romantic drama!”

Initially, it seemed like it was simply a towering snake, but when it slithered completely into view, we learned that it had a head on both sides of its body! The first head sneered, “Welcome to our domain!”

Beck quizzed him, “Which one of you is the crapper?”

“What?” The first head blinked in surprise.

“I mean, if one of you is at where the ass normally is, then one of you has to take in food while the other shoots it out, right?” Beck pressed the two heads.

The first head spat, “You’re referring to the end of the tailbone! Waste doesn’t come out of there!”

Prior to Beck delving into that subject any further, the second head butted in, “We’re not here to educate you! We’re here to terrify you!” It studied our visages, and it asked, “Why aren’t you terrified?”

“Meh!” I answered with a shrug. “We’re getting numb to this supernatural shit!”

“Well, perhaps you’ll feel differently when you’re being devoured!” the second head seethed.

Sam pointed out, “Technically, we would cease to feel anything at all when we’re deceased like that!”

The two heads emitted an exasperated exhale, and then they lunged for us! We dodged their advances by heading into the abandoned properties adjacent to us, dashing inside to avoid their blows. Two of us were on one side while the other two were across the street, and after the two heads split up in their targeting of us, they used their heads like hammers to eat away at the exterior. Sally bemoaned, “I feel like I’m not gonna make it back from my lunch hour on time! I’m not getting paid right now, which totally blows!”

“What do we do?” Beck called out from the other side. “I don’t think the homeowners will like what we’re doing to their digs!”

“Gee whiz!” Sam glimpsed at Beck in surprise. “I would’ve expected you to make some inartful comment about getting ingested by the posterior side!”

The second head impatiently hollered, “For the last time, neither of us is the anus! We’re both perfectly equal!”

Pausing its pursuit of us briefly, the first head reacted to that last sentence, “I don’t know about perfectly…”

Suddenly, I foresaw an opportunity for us to at least distract this strange duo for a while! I broadcasted to them both, “Hold on! We need to settle this once and for all ‘cause I’ll only agree to get eaten by the best- which one of you is the superior one?”

“Neither of us!” the second head spat.

“Says the inferior one…” the first head snidely remarked.

The second head turned to face its counterpart in dumbfoundment. “Excuse me?”

With a slight air of arrogance, the first head argued, “Well, I am the one who comes up with the best ideas!”

“Dear brother, I think you’re forgetting how we landed ourselves in this nightmare in the first place!” the second head countered.

“Hey! My plan would’ve worked if it weren’ for your interference!” the first head bickered.

The second head differed, “I had to stop you! Your incompetence was unbearable!”

As fury steadily grew in its eyes, the first head growled, “You do realize that I don’t need you, right? I could eliminate you with a single bite!”

Cackling derisively, the second head scoffed, “I’d like to see how far you’d get without me!”

“Very well!” The first head launched itself toward the second.

“You-!” The second head mimicked its move.

They both swallowed each other’s heads, which resulted in them forming a motionless ring. Sally articulated, “Huh! I was kinda hoping they’d talk about that plan more before they did that! It sounds like an interesting story!”

I recommended, “Let’s get out of here before they regain the ability to tell another tale!” The crow cawed in confirmation, and we sidestepped the snaky circle while we raced away from that spot.

“And then Dawson claimed that Pythagoras was the greatest mathematician of all time! Can you believe that?” Sam chortled.

“I have no idea who that is, so, yeah!” Sally verbalized.

Sam cried out, “What? You’ve never heard of the inventor of the Pythagorean Theorem? I must’ve explained it to you hundreds of times!”

Sally rolled her eyes. “Sounds about right!”

“Is that a bathhouse?” I indicated to a large venue on our left. “Are these demonic beasts actually grooming themselves in this mess?”

“Just ‘cause we’re surrounded by monsters doesn’t mean we have to smell like one!” a young woman chirped as she popped up from one of the tubs and smiled at us.

Sam and Beck were clearly pleased by her presence. Beck queried, “We?”

A few more beautiful women came into view, and none of them appeared to be wearing any clothing! Beck and Sam were enraptured, and one of the women flirtatiously invited us, “You guys can join us if you want!”

The men were ready to accept this offer, but Sally and I blocked them from darting up there. I reminded them, “Did you forget the lesson we learned from the nymphs? They could be dangerous!”

“Totally! But they may not be, and we’d miss out on a rare opportunity if we just walked away!” Beck protested.

“We’re not going anywhere that isn’t an exit out of this joint!” Sally decreed.

One of the bathing women notified us, “You’re in luck! We can help you with that!”

New Trouble, Chapter 35

“Are you ready to order?’ a waiter in a nice suit queried as he approached my table on the terrace. 

“No, not yet!” I politely refused. “I’m still waiting for the other member of my party to arrive.”

I turned my attention back to the water view as I anxiously waited for my lunch companion to show up. I wasn’t certain what would come of it, and if it didn’t go well, I would have been totally screwed. I tried to think positively, but lately, everything seemed to go wrong for me, so I was expecting more of the same today. I also crossed my fingers that no monsters would interrupt this venture, not with the stakes this high…

The waiter urged me, “You could order without them since they’re so late!”

“Uh, no! I’d rather not!” I didn’t want the embarrassment of having to explain that I wasn’t fronting the bill, and there was no way I could ever afford to eat there on my own! Besides, I was too nervous to eat anyway! I didn’t want to account for why I was completely on edge, so I attempted to wave him off as casually as I could, “It shouldn’t be long! Thank you!”

“Listen, I’ve been in your shoes before!” the waiter sympathized as he sat down beside me.
As I swirled around my ice water just to have something to fidget with, I tittered at that notion, “I sincerely doubt that!”

The waiter consoled me, “There’s no shame in getting stood up! Don’t worry about that jerk who isn’t showing up! There are plenty of fish in the sea!”

“Among other things…” I mumbled as I recalled the strange creatures we contended with in the water.

“What was that?” the waiter catechized.

I chirped, “Nothing!” I spotted a hostess leading someone to my direction, so I notified my waiter, “Ah, here they are now!”

A handsome man in his seventies headed towards me, and my waiter commented, “Ooh! You like them older!”

“That’s my dad,” I informed him.

“Is he seeing anyone?” The waiter checked him out, and he observed, “Oh, he’s married! Never mind!”

I requested, “Could you give us a minute?” The waiter cordially bowed out, and I greeted my dad, “Hey! There’s my old man!”

My dad scoffed at that concept, “Old? Oh, come on! I still look pretty much the same as I did when I was your age!”

“Santa!” Two little kids ran up to him and gave him a hug, and one of them pressed him, “Did you get my letter? I want a blue bike! And don’t give ur baby brother anything- he’s a little terror!”

“Okay! I guess I have aged a bit!” my dad grumpily admitted as the kids’ mother summoned them back to their table. He sat down and instructed me, “Order whatever you like!”

I gazed at him in a slight surprise. “Are you sure? This place is kind of expensive!”

My dad jovially permitted, “Oh, sure! It’s fine! I can write this off in my taxes anyway!”

“How is this business related?” I probed.

“Well, I assume you’re gonna ask me for money…” my dad reasoned.

I momentarily forgot my purpose there, and my face fell. “How did you know?”

My dad explained, “You told me you had something important to discuss, and since you didn’t invite your mom, I assume you’re not pregnant…”

“That’s true! I’m not! And thank goodness I’m not! I didn’t realize my problems could get worse ‘til you brought that up!” I mused.

“Alright, let’s hear it!” my dad invited me.

I took a deep breath, and then I handed him the letter. “They want me to pay a bunch of money in back taxes for the Hecate House! That’s not fair! I just go this place a few weeks ago! And how can they say the property is worth so much? Yeah, I know it’s a big home by the beach, but Doug had trouble getting anyone to take it for free!” I frustratedly buried my head in my hands.

My dad predicted, “Let me guess- your mom’s solution for you was to find a rich man to marry?”

“That was her solution for my financial problems before I got that letter! I didn’t tell her about it- she’d probably insist on it now!” I almost wanted to chuckle at her nonsense, but the laughter couldn’t find my lips. My dad chortled though, so I began to get curious about what his face might entail… “Is that what you’re gonna suggest I do?”

“‘Oh, yeah! ‘Cause that plan worked out real well last time!” my dad kidded.

I grinned. “Now I know where I get my sarcasm from!”

My dad also grinned. “Right! Your mom hates it, but I keep trying to make her smile somehow because she’s always so serious. That’s why I married her- I hoped I could loosen her up a bit. I give up pretty quickly when it seems like a dead end, and I bury myself in my work to avoid her grumpiness, but every once in a while, I take a break from the old grindstone and give it the old college try!” He looked amused at the idea for a while, but he grew more serious when he addressed me, “Don’t listen to what she says! Only marry for love! If you follow your heart, the funds will follow!” I bore a doubtful visage at that, so he added, “Eventually!”

“So, you don’t think I’m a fool for chasing my dream of being an actor?” I quizzed him.

“Not at all!” my dad assured me. “In fact, I’m a bit envious of you!”

I blinked in shock open hearing that. “Wow! First, Sally gets jealous when I get fired, and now I inspired jealousy in you ‘cause I’m divorced and broke?”

My dad elaborated, “What you did took guts! A lot of people aren’t brave enough to take risks like that, and they go their whole lives devoid of passion! When I was younger, I had a dream too! No, it wasn’t take over Pop’s business! I wanted to be a juggler!”

“You can juggle?” I catechized in surprise.

“Sure can!” He grabbed a few oranges off of a display, and it amazed me tosee a man whom I’ve only seen with his nose buried in an expense book perform something so artsy with such accuracy!

The little kids cried out in delight, “I didn’t know Santa could do that!”

My dad stopped when he heard that, and he went on, “I swore up and down I was gonna go out and make a career out of it, but Pop warned me that the good jugglers don’t earn a lot, and if I didn’t get a decent gig, I’d wind up penniless in the streets. I took the secure route, and I hated every minute of it! Don’t spend your whole life wondering what could have been! Go for your goals!”

“I’d like to, but I’ll end up penniless on the streets too with this debt hanging over my head! I haven’t had any luck finding work!” I exasperatedly exhaled.

“That’s ‘cause you’re not employable, sweetie!” my dad remarked. I glanced at him in startlement of his offense, so he elaborated, “You’re strong-willed and smarter than most employers! You’d be better off with your own business! I could give you a job if you learned tax laws, but would you be happy doing that for a living?”

I considered that proposal, “No, but if that’s my only option…”

My dad dissuaded me, “It’s not! First of all, I could make you a receptionist, but we only hire them during the tax season, so you’d still have to find work for two-thirds of the year. The other option is go out on your own! Do your own thing!”

“That sounds nice, but I can’t with that!” I gestured to the letter.

“Well, you could set up a payment plan for that. Of course, you’d be paying off the interest forever… See! I knew we’d get to business at this meeting! It’s totally a ride off!” I giggled slightly, but it was hard not to grimace at this juncture. My dad mulled the matter over for a moment, and then he put forward, “What about my dad’s inheritance account? I never did anything with it…”

I politely refused, “Oh, no! I couldn’t! I’m sure Pop would want you to invest in something better!”

My dad countered that argument, “What could be a better investment than you?” My heart swelled- I couldn’t recall a time I received such kindness and support! Sure, Luke was like that, but he negated everything with his hurtful comments at the dance! My dad put the letter in his pocket, and then he articulated, “Plus, it’ll piss your mom off that I made it so you can keep the Hecate House!” I laughed, and then my dad summoned the waiter, “Sir! Bring us a bottle of your finest champagne!”

One of the little kids exclaimed, “Oh no! Santa drinks alcohol?” My dad shook his head, but we both expressed mirth at this scenario.

The next day, I woke up with a little relief knowing my tax debt issue was resolved, but my spirits were still heavy. I missed Luke, and I hoped that, after I explained myself to him, he’d retract his accusation that I was a gold digger only interested in money. The trouble was that our encounters were so random that I didn’t know when I’d see him again! I needed an activity to keep my mind off of him, and I didn’t have a job to distract me anymore. I could’ve ventured elsewhere to search for a potential employer willing to give me an interview, but I doubted that I could have concentrated on that. I kept thinking about what my dad said about starting my own business- it seemed like the Hecate House would be a prime location to start a small enterprise, but it was nowhere near ready to entertain the public! I decided sprucing up that hovel was the best method of calming down my anxious thoughts…

I worked on buffing out the bannister, nd I became too engrossed in polishing it to perfection to brood on my romantic woes… Or, at least I was until I glanced upwards and saw how little progress I actually made! I got a little discouraged and slumped on the steps, and when I inadvertently kicked the wall, I created a little hole! I groaned due to the extra barrier I made for getting to the finish line… until…

There was something shiny hidden in the crevice! I wondered what was hidden in there, and I dared to grow more optimistic. If it had been kept secret like that, I reasoned that it could have been the key to Pandora’s Box! I swiftly dug for it, and… It was a tin wind-up toy shaped like a chicken! It amused me that I unearthed one of my mom’s long-lost childhood trinkets, but it also got me fixated on what Sally said about more clues resting somewhere in the depths of this abode…

I dashed to Hecate’s letters- well, it seemed easier than running all over the building scouring for some sort of hint about what occurred here so long ago! Besides, Hecate’s lover appeared to have played a huge role in this! I sat down and studied the old papers, and most of it was pretty basic. My jaw dropped a bit when I learned that Hecate got her nipples pierced! I didn’t know that women in the eighteen hundreds did that, and I could’ve gone a lifetime without that knowledge! Especially since it involved one of my ancestors! I cast that image out of my head and prayed that I would find something more substantial than that, and boy, did I ever…

Hecate mentioned waiting for her lover by the secret basement entrance! The secret entrance? She ran a haunted house attraction from there, so I didn’t believe that the entryway for the visitors was what she meant! The staircase leading in couldn’t have been it either since someone had to use it in order to utilize the dumbwaiter, so it had to have had a third means of entering! My curiosity piqued, and I bolted to the basement to discover it!

I walked along the perimeter and knocked over every inch to flush it out. It got rather dull after a while, and I got a lot of dust on my clothes from pressing my ear against the surface to listen for something hollow. I kept setting off the trip wire of the attraction, and that contributed to the difficulty of this task, too! I was beginning to think I read that text wrong when I found it!

After tapping on a spot behind a ghost, a chunk of the paneling opened up! I expected to view the backyard or the nearby beach, but instead, I saw a dark void! I was confused by this until it sucked me into its domain…

New Trouble, Chapter 34

As Sally put the finishing touches to her makeup, I emerged from a bathroom stall in an elegant but flattering gown, and I asked her, “What do you think?”

She turned around and smiled as she answered, “You look amazing! Luke won’t be able to keep his hands off of you!”

“Shh!” I hushed her in case someone was near the door. “Oh, this was a bad idea! If I make him want me, then I could put everyone in danger! We really need to take some time to figure out what the key is! We’ve been so busy chasing off Halorykta’s monsters that we haven’t been able to do any research on how to stop all this from happening! Where would we even look, though? We’ve tried everywhere!”

“Maybe there’s some sort of clue at the Hecate House,” Sally theorized. “I mean, all this started after we began working on the home, so there’s gotta be something there! Even if there isn’t, we gotta make that place livable for you anyway!”

I groaned, “Oh, right! I’m gonna go broke if I don’t find a solution soon! What am I gonna do?”

Not looking up from her cosmetics application, Sally advised me, “You’re gonna have fun tonight! Clear your head, boost your confidence, and give it some more thought tomorrow! If you put too much pressure on yourself, you’ll explode and create a bigger mess- kinda like that beanstalk!”

“Hey! We had to do something with those lightning bolts!” I defended myself. “What was I supposed to do? Keep it stowed away in my apartment? What if the landlord inspected it? How would I explain that to him?”

“Ladies! You need to hurry! They’re about to let the kids in!” Sam notified us.

Sally shot back, “Give me a minute! I gotta look my best to impress any handsome teachers that show up!”

Beck briefed her, “There aren’t any other teachers coming! That’s why Luke wanted our help!” 

“Really?” Sally pouted in a slight disappointment. She swiftly picked up her beauty products and declared, “Okay, I’m ready!”

“No, you can’t play ‘Rump Shaker!’ It’s not about dancing! Well, maybe a little, but there are some really inappropriate references there!” Luke scolded the deejay.

I brought up to Luke, “This guy doesn’t normally do children’s functions, does he?”

Luke laughed, “I hope not!” We chortled at that quip, and when Luke swiveled around and saw me dressed up, he gawked in astonishment. “Wow! You look beautiful!”

“Thank you!” I glanced down as I blushed.

“Alright, spread out by the dance floor! I’m letting the students in!” Willard announced. 

Libby situated herself somewhat close to my position and reminded me, “Don’t forget to give me your doctor friend’s number before you leave!”

I queried, “Do you have a pen?” She grabbed one from the deejay’s booth as well as a strip of paper for a Homecoming King vote. It felt a bit funny putting Ned’s name there- there’s no way he ever had the charisma to be given that title! Of course, I didn’t tell her that! As I handed it to her, I observed, “Oh, you didn’t get a manicure?”

“Nah! I figured there wouldn’t be any point- it seemed more practical to keep the beanstalk crud in it rather than risk ruining a perfectly good set after another monster attack,” Libby articulated. “We’re not gonna get ambushed again, are we?”

“God, I hope not!” I vehemently expressed.

As the attendees explored various parts of the gym, I saw Mary and Tommy approaching my direction. I complimented the pair, “Hi there! You two look fantastic! I love the corsage! I’ve never seen a carnation with red dots!”

Mary admitted, “Actually, it’s spaghetti sauce! I should’ve picked something cleaner for our dinner!”

“You learn from your mistakes!” I sagely stated. “Trust me, I’ve gained a lot of life lessons over the years!”

“Good to know!” Mary giggled. “Is it against the rules to vote for yourself for Queen?”

Tommy fretted, “Don’t tell her! Now, we’re gonna get into trouble!”

I assured them, “I don’t think it is, but if anyone asks, I won’t tell!” The pair grinned at me, and once they happily walked over to cast their ballots, I savored the moment of fun and started to believe this night wouldn’t turn out so bad after all.

Two hours later, my besties and I stood there bored out of our minds! Not that I wanted monsters or misbehaving teenagers to spice up the evening, but I was hoping we could do more than watch the same few dance moves getting used minute after minute and hour after hour! Sam was doing random equations on his calculator, Sally had a glazed expression as if she was regretting her decision to participate in this rather than go man-hunting somewhere else, and Beck had fallen asleep on a pillar. I may have been tempted into slumbering too if I were comfortable in my shoes! I sighed and decided to grab a glass of punch for what felt like the millionth time…

Preceding my return to the concessions table, Luke flagged me down and catechized, “Having fun?” I gave him a questioning look, and he surmised, “I guess not. Well, they’re gonna announce the Homecoming Royalty in a half hour. That should be amusing!”

“Libby’s so lucky she got to count the votes!” I commented. “I went for the box too, but she snatched it like it was her newborn!”

“If you’re bored, we can dance,” Luke proposed.

I agreed, “Sure! Why not?” I stood before him, and I recalled my skills in this area. “Oh, maybe I shouldn’t! I really suck at it!”

Luke urged me, “Oh, come on! It can’t be that bad!” I felt incredibly dumb for my willingness to demonstrate my abysmal ability to a hunk like him, but he insisted, so I indulged him a bit. I kept it short after seeing his face, and I hung my head out of embarrassment. I expected him to separate himself from me after that, but instead, he lifted my chin up and offered, “Can I teach you a couple of tips?”

“That’d be great!” I beamed out of relief. That was normally a traumatic experience for me, but he was so kind that I felt less ashamed of myself! No one had ever had such a sweet response after witnessing my dancing, and it made my feelings for him deepen…

“You gotta move your hips. No, like this…” He put his hands on my waist and maneuvered them. “There you go!”

I remarked, “Wow! It’s been a while since I’ve used these muscles! Not that I didn’t want to, but I never had reason to with Ned’s performance issues! …Don’t tell Libby!”

Luke smirked. “Eh! Knowing her, she’ll have a trick or two up her sleeve to fix it! After all, she was runner-up for town slut!”

We chortled, and then I realized he was still very close to me. I loved the way his hold felt, and the manner in which he stared at me made my heart flutter. He leaned in for a kiss, and I almost let him, but then I heard the keys in my purse tumble, which caused me to recall that I needed to refrain from getting too close to him until we sorted out what was the key to Pandora’s Box was. I sincerely hoped it wasn’t him, but I couldn’t risk it in case it did turn out to be him. It was the hardest thing in the world to do, but I pulled myself away from him and claimed, “I gotta go to the bathroom! Too much punch, you know…”

“What’s going on?” Luke accosted me prior to me getting too far. “Why do you keep breaking away each time I try to kiss you?”

“Most of the time, it’s ‘cause some crazy creature showed up,” I verbalized. 

Luke riposted, “There’s nothing here now!” I tried to unearth a rationale for that, and I couldn’t. “Look, I think we both know there’s something between us! Why don’t you wanna be with me?”

I responded, “I do! I just…” I considered telling him about the possibility that he could have been what Halorykta was after to evoke the apocalypse, but I didn’t want to put that anxiety on him, so I lamely finished, “… I can’t!”

“It’s ‘cause I’m not rich, isn’t it?” Luke inquired.

“Of course not!” I replied.

Luke didn’t believe me. “Yeah, right! You got a taste for the high life with your ex, and you wanna be with someone who can give that to you again! Ugh, why did I ever fool myself into thinking I could ever meet your standards?”

I got really hurt by his accusation. “That’s not true! I-!”

He turned his back to me. “Forget it!”

His viewpoint really stung, and I wondered if he was really the person I thought he was after saying something so vicious! It also dawned on me that the entire gym’s attention was on me, and it was far worse than showing them how I dance! Tears welled up in my eyes, and I ran out the door! Well, first I crashed into the photo booth, and then I dramatically left the building. My friends followed me, but I refused to talk about it. Discussing it would make it real, and I simply couldn’t accept this as reality…

The next day, I fed Scully, and I slumped on a seat beside her. I had no clue if she was listening, and she probably wasn’t since she was a cat, but I spilled my guts to her anyway, “I screwed everything up! I didn’t do enough to figure out how to end this whole apocalypse saga, and now our whole lives are just one nightmare after another! If I had done more, it wouldn’t have mattered if Luke was the key or not- we could’ve just been together! I could’ve told him the truth so he didn’t fall under the belief that I’m some sort of gold digger! But, I don’t know why he’d assume that- I was a theatre major! No one does that for the money! Well, that’s my fault too ‘cause it’s not like anyone would ever dream up the possibility that they’re the key to Pandora’s Box! I messed up, and who knows how long we can prevent a vengeful goddess from wiping out humanity! I hurt him too much to say goodbye, and now I’ll never get a chance to tell him I’ve fallen head over heels for him!”

I started crying, and Scully glanced up in alarm. She mewed in worry, and then she hopped onto my lap. It was really sweet, and it helped me calm down a little. “You do understand a little! So, I’m not totally insane for sharing my problems with you! Well, what’s your opinion on what I should do?” She didn’t say anything, obviously, so I concluded, “Yeah, I guess I shouldn’t be telling you all this! Maybe I can explain myself to him! It’s worth a shot! Oh, but he’s doing his cab work today, so he could be anywhere in Adonis Shores! Or Monterey! Maybe I can catch him after class! Oh, it’s a little dodgy to have a childless adult hovering around a school! Hmm… Oh, that’s it! I can relay my message to his mom! I’m gonna stop by the salon before I meet up with Sally, Sam, and Beck! Thanks, Scully!” I gave her a hug as I set her down, and I bounced out of the Hecate House with a bit more vigor in my step since I had a plan in place and a small sliver of hope on the horizon…

“Ah, look who’s emerged from the haunted house!” one of the old biddies across the street heckled me.

“Ugh! Please don’t!” I requested.

The second biddy prodded me, “Ate more than you can chew with this project, didn’t you? Are you ready to throw in the towel yet?”

I pushed back, “Not at all! I’ll be able to move in soon, don’t you worry!”

“Oh, yeah?” the first biddy reacted skeptically. “You expect us to believe that hovel is close to livable with a mailbox like that?”

“What’s wrong with the mailbox?” I went to the end of the path and peeked at it, and it stunned me to see so many letters in there! “Oh my god!” It was stuffed to the brim, so I started removing some of the contents so that the mail carrier could put more in.

The second old biddy jokingly cautioned me, “Watch out! A small gremlin could be hiding in there!”

I retorted, “If there is, I’m throwing it onto your porch!”

They seemed to take me seriously and scurried inside, which made me titter. My smile soon turned into a frown when a particular envelope caught my eye. I opened it up, and the color instantly drained from my face! I lost the comfort of knowing what I was going to do- now, I wasn’t sure where to go from here…

New Trouble, Chapter 33

Sally suggested, “What if we built a bridge? We could hang onto the handrails as we cross!”

“How would we construct a sturdy structure without any tools?” Sam contended with that proposal.

“Maybe we can ask that extremely plump lady if she has some!” Sally bickered. “We never asked her where she was going- she could have been heading to a village with a lumberjack or something!”

Luke’s eyes grew wide with worry. “Oh, god! How do we even know we went the right way?”

I adamantly stated, “We definitely did! Her path was clear, and there’s not a chance that Halorykta would make our intended route so simple!”

“There are always hidden obstacles, though!” Luke argued.

“But would one of her monsters go ahead of us and put themselves in danger?” I countered.

Luke conceded, “Alright, you win! Was there ever a remote chance of me winning, really?”

I grinned. “Of course not!”

The two of us tittered, and it was hard not to gaze at him fondly right then! He made this stressful situation easier to cope with, and he was too charming to stay distressed for too long! He gave me the same sort of stare, and I sense an attraction coming from him. My body was aching for this interaction to turn physical, but it was probably best that Sally cleared her throat to gain our attention! It wouldn’t have been very romantic to do a little kissing with monsters lurking about anyway! Libby glared at me, and I recalled that I didn’t want to see how she acted when her jealousy was activated! I scraped the idea, and I reminded myself that I shouldn’t let myself get too far with him anyhow- one innocent smooch with the potential key to Pandora’s Box could have had apocalyptic consequences!

“I say we knock down a tree and climb it to the other side,” Sally propositioned.

“We can’t cut down an innocent plant!” Willard protested. “It didn’t do anything wrong, why should its life get taken away?

Sam reasoned, “It’s either that or we find some manner of incapacitating them.”

Libby pondered, “How would we do that? We can’t even see them!”

I recommended, “They were all over the water, so if we started throwing things, we’re bound to strike some of them! Back to our old standby!”

“Does that usually work?” Willard posed to us.

“It’s hit or miss!” Luke guffawed.

Everyone but me groaned, and Sally remarked, “Just ‘cause I said I’d prefer the puns to the nasty jokes doesn’t mean I was inviting you to do any!”

Luke frowned at that, but to prevent further dialogue on this subject, I instructed them all, “Okie dokie! Everybody grab a rock and see what happens!”

The six of us each picked up some stones and hurled them into the inlet. The strong half-horse, half-eel creatures resurfaced, and they appeared annoyed by our antics but not harmed by them. Luke assessed, “This isn’t working! We’re gonna need something much heavier!”

“We have to do that for all of them?” Libby bemoaned.

“Uh-oh!” Willard glimpsed at the monsters with trepidation. “I know that look! They’re gonna make it quake again! Brace yourselves!”

Everyone prepared themselves to withstand the tremors, and just when I was starting to believe that this task was impossible, we saw a small pool of yellow liquid drifting towards them, causing the monsters to scurry away! “What the heck?” I puzzled.

At that moment, Beck reemerged and canvassed us, “Does anyone have any hand sanitizer? I had to take a leak back there!”

“You saved us! I could hug you!” Sally almost did embrace him, but then she changed her mind. “Uh, maybe I will after you wash your hands!”

“Forget about that! We need to hurry before those things return!” I articulated.

We hopped across the stepping stones, and Beck catechized, “Wait, how did I save everybody?”

As we neared the end of the forest, Luke amusedly speculated, “Do you think this place is called Nine?”

“Why would it be called that?” Sam inquired.

“Oh no! Please, don’t say it!” Sally cringed.

Luke replied to Sam, “Because then we’d be on Cloud Nine!”

The majority of the crew groaned. Out of habit, Libby kidded, “I’ve got something that’ll put you on…!” She remembered our discussion from earlier, and she hung her head low again and verbalized, “Never mind.”

Even though she annoyed me, I couldn’t help but feel pity for her. I didn’t want to ask her about it, but I got the sense that she may have been seeking the spotlight due to a general loneliness in her personal life. Plus, it was my fault she became despondent like that- me and my big mouth! I put a supportive hand on one of her shoulders and offered, “What if I set you up with someone?”

Sally, Sam, and Beck gave me a peculiar look for that endeavor, and I couldn’t blame them! I didn’t really hang out with a lot of people when I was married since the upkeep of the house kept me pretty busy, hence why I seldom went on dates myself! I kept in touch with some of my theatre friends, but most of the men in that circle would have been more interested in Willard! I was starting to panic from the growing realization that I was unlikely to fulfill my promise, and that would have hurt her feelings even further- her eyes sparkled at the premise! I began to become concerned that I was actually a terrible person…

“Is he handsome?” Libby quizzed me.

“Uh…” I racked my brain trying to drum up one male in my life that was handsome, single, and straight, and after a short stretch, I recollected one man that matched that description… “Yes! He’s a doctor with a country club membership, too!”

Libby squealed in delight, and my besties gawked at me in disbelief. Yes, I was sincerely talking about setting her up with my ex-husband, and it seemed like an insane plan, but really, he harassed me so frequently that it would have been refreshing to have him show interest in somebody else! I wasn’t certain that she was his type, so her pursuit of him may have just annoyed him, which is a fate he totally deserved! As she squeezed me and thanked me for doing this, I shrugged to my friends- I was fine with either scenario of how this crazy escapade ended!

When the path ended, we found ourselves at the foot of an enormous castle. Willard gulped, “Wow! Whoever lives here must be huge!” We glanced at Libby, expecting her to utter a salacious quip based on his phrasing, but she remained mute, so already my insane proposition felt like it was worth it.

“Do we have to go inside?” Sam frowned as he studied the front of the castle. “Couldn’t we choose an alternative method of engaging with this monster, like a strongly worded letter?”

“Saying what?” Sally riposted. “Could you please refrain from endangering our youths with your deadly lightning bolts? ‘Cause clearly you’re a being of pure compassion…!”

Beck rubbed his chin contemplatively. “I don’t see any open windows, so if the dude who lives here tells us to get lost, it could be really hard for us to sneak in!” He knocked on the drawbridge door, and it immediately opened up for us! Nobody had made it ajar, so Beck scratched his head in dumbfoundment. “Huh! That was loads easier than I thought it’d be!”

As we crept inside, I conversed, “Yeah! Almost too easy! What’s the catch?”

Luke reckoned, “Maybe they don’t expect a lot of visitors! I mean, the only other inhabitant seems to be that extremely plump lady!”

“Maybe…” It sounded plausible, but I still had my doubts.

“Get a load of the furniture!” Sally indicated to an end table that towered over us. “It’s like everything here was hit with an enlargement spell!”

Sam asserted, “If I didn’t know any better, I would say that this abode is the only commodity parallel to Jack and the Beanstalk, and a giant lives here!”

I pressed him, “A giant what?” As if on cue, a pair of humungous hands snatched us up like we were weeds that needed to get plucked! I responded to my own enquiry, “Gotcha!”

A towering figure with a tattered toga and a rather primitive visage plopped us onto a wooden counter, and as he struggled to kindle a flame for his antiquated stove, we made a bid for the exit. He spotted us, and he swiftly thwarted our efforts, “Nuh-uh! You’re not going anywhere except my belly!”

He laughed as he returned to his task, and the seven of us glimpsed at each other for clues on what to do, but everyone came up blank. Sally gestured to the balcony, and we saw a human-sized sack of lightning bolts by its entryway! I used my fingers to illustrate that we should grab that sack and flee out of the door we recently used, and Luke pointed to the giant and shrugged. I bit my lip as I contemplated how we could distract the giant so we could escape…

“Okay! In you go!” the giant declared as he put a pot of water on a burner.

“I’m starting not to like big men!” Libby broadcasted.

He reached for us, and Luke grabbed a toothpick like a spear and stabbed the giant’s palm. “Ouch!” the giant cried out.

Willard chided Luke, “Oh my gosh! You don’t need to hurt him!”

I almost wanted to push Willard into the boiling water myself for endangering us over his overly zealous morals, but prior to me getting a word out, the giant praised Willard, “Thank you! You’re so kind! It’s about time somebody was!”

“Are people mean to you?” Willard sympathetically asked.

“Yeah! Just because I eat them doesn’t mean that humans can’t be nice to me!” the giant raved. “All I get is attacked! My front door won’t even stay put since it’s been knocked down several times by all the invasions! It’s so hard to live in peace with all these do-gooders bombarding my home! It’s like no one cares about my feelings!”

Willard gave him a comforting pat on his thumb. “I care! Your feelings are valid, and you matter!” 

The giant buried his head in his arms and wept considerably. Considering he was thoroughly distracted, we quietly rushed off of the table. Well, most of us did- Beck had to grab Willard and save him from himself! I snatched the lightning bolts, and we made a beeline for the doorway, which thankfully was still down! As we fled, Willard triumphantly voiced, “See? And you said being nice to the monsters was a waste of time!”

I shushed him since we were still close to the castle. We sped towards the forest, but the spikey, red lion was guarding it! “How’d it get unstuck?” Sally wondered.

From inside the castle, we heard the giant express, “It means so much to have someone who understands!”

Sam covered Willard’s mouth preceding him reacting to that, and since it was the only alternate route, we snuck behind the castle. This path was pretty clear, but we still moved with caution just in case! Soon, we came across the extremely plump lady’s cottage, and she waved to us from one of her windows! We espied the beanstalk entrance in the new distance, and I bewailed, “Are you kidding? We could’ve avoided all that trouble if we had gone the other direction?” I turned to the lady and probed, “Why didn’t you say anything?”

The giant roared in a betrayed frustration, and we knew we didn’t have long until he caught up with us. We zoomed to the beanstalk and climbed down as fast as possible. Libby lamented, “My shoe fell off!” 

Luke conveyed to her as he gestiuclated upwards, “At least it’s not your head!”

We managed to get to the bottom unscathed, and as Libby grabbed her footwear, the giant peeked down. We distanced ourselves from the beanstalk, but his booming speech bellowed, “I’m gonna get you emotional manipulators!” 

“Not today!” I hurled the entire sack of lightning bolts at the beanstalk. Apparently, that was too many because the entire stalk exploded! Well, you know the rest of my reaction based on the very first paragraph from Chapter One!

“Sick!” a teenage boy exclaimed to his buddy as they poked their heads out of the gym door.

A teenage girl communicated to Willard, “Principal Saberhagan? Can I go on a break?”

Willard’s exasperation over the entire transpiration seemed to torpedo to the surface because he couldn’t stop himself from snapping, “Oh, do whatever you want! It’s your stupid Homecoming! If you don’t want it to look nice before your peers arrive, that’s on you!”

The students looked stunned at this uncharacteristic display of anger from him, and Beck vocalized, “Whoa! I think we broke him!”

“I don’t know about you guys, but I’m going to get a pedicure!” Libby proclaimed as she studied her nails in disgust before walking off in a huff.

“Well, I suppose we oughta change!” I propositioned to Luke, Sally, Sam, and Beck as I ogled our disheveled and slightly singed appearances. “Let’s just hope the only disaster at this event will be my horrible dancing!”

New Trouble, Chapter 32

The extremely plump lady pounced onto Willard’s chest, and he let her know, “Oh, sweetheart! You’re so barking up the wrong tree!” 

Taking offense to that, she huffed, “Are you calling me a dog?”

“No, no, no!” Willard avidly assured her. “I just… Help me out here, guys!”

“Alright, same process!” I addressed the others. “Three, two, one- go!”

We used all of our might to push her off, and again, we were successful, but in this instance, she landed on top of Beck. Sally upbraided her, “You know, it’s kind of unfair for you to only target the men!”

Luke posed to Sally, “Are you complaining about not being a victim?”

“Not anymore!” Sally retracted her statement.

“This method is doing nothing to subdue our adversary,” Sam observed. “We should deploy a different tactic.” 

I fretted, “We don’t have time to think of a more clever plan!”

Beck notified us, “Nah, I’m alright! This reminds me of a girl I dated in college…”

“Okay, let’s think! What are some other ways we could…?” I trailed off when I noticed Libby ambling off of the path. “What are you doing?”

“Oh, I can’t participate in this one,” Libby relayed to me. “I just did my nails, and they’re very delicate! Plus, I look totally fetching when I walk away from someone! Don’t you agree, Luke? Luke, do you-?”

Mid-sentence, Libby tripped and fell backwards onto the grass! We burst out in a fit of giggles, and I joshed her, “What man wouldn’t enjoy watching that?”

Glaring at me, Libby hissed, “Hey! It’s not my fault that someone left this ugly sock here!” She tossed a fez-like cap with a tassel into the bushes as she pouted on a log.

“My hat!” the extremely plump woman cried out in delight.

I ordered Libby, “Get it!”

Libby let out an exasperated exhale, but she got up and strolled over to the shrubbery. She tried to reach her hands inside, but she immediately pulled back. “Gross! There are little thorns!”

“Gosh, I thought you liked touching pricks!” Sally teased her as she approached the bush.

“Not small ones!” Libby smiled triumphantly at her comeback.

Sally rolled her eyes as she used her sweatshirt as a glove and cleared the bramble. “Big is only better if the aim is good!” Sally showed her the hat with a grin, and Libby folded her arms grumpily.

After pulling the bristles out of it, Sally handed the hat to the extremely plump lady. She gratefully regarded Sally, “Thank you! Here’s a token of my appreciation!” She handed her a jar of honey. “You may find it useful on your journey! Oh, take this too!” She handed her an orange lily. Once she placed the hat on top of her headdress, she jovially tipped it to us and merrily went down a trail opposing ours.

“All that trouble, and she just had to look ten feet in front of her?” I muttered.

“I heard that!” the extremely plump lady shouted. Before we got ourselves in deeper trouble, we hurried away from that spot.

As we trekked forward, Willard asked Luke, “So… this is what you do during your time off? Not judging, just curious!”

Luke answered, “I guess you could call it my third job!”

“Oh, Luke! You work too hard! You need to relax more!” Libby massaged his shoulders.

“I thought you didn’t wanna do anything with your delicate hands!” I needled her.

Libby snapped back, “I’ll make an exception for him! I live for his pleasure!”

Luke winced. “Stop it! It hurts!” 

“I’m so sorry!” Libby apologized. “Let’s go behind those trees, and I’ll make you feel better!”

“Even if he was interested, that’s not a good idea, dude! There could be a monster there!” Beck warned her.

Libby dismissed that claim, “Oh, please! What makes you think there’s a monster right there?”

At that precise second, a red lion with a human-like face and a mane made of large quills emerged, growling at us! Beck responded to Libby’s enquiry, “That!”

“Whoa! You’re hideous!” Willard realized he had uttered that thought out loud, and he apologetically conveyed to it, “Oh, that was mean! Forgive me!”

“Don’t worry about the monster’s self-esteem!” I recommended as I pushed him out of the trajectory of the quills that it launched off of its body.

We all sought refuge behind the slender trunks, and once it appeared that the immediate peril subsided, it occurred to me that I had accidentally positioned myself close to Luke! His hold was so strong, but his warm touch was comforting, so it was almost tempting to stay like that for a while… I swiftly recalled where I was, and I peeled myself off of him to peek at our opponent. I grimly noted, “He’s guarding the only route out of this area!”

Sam bemoaned, “Great! How do we get past that creature? We don’t have access to any sort of weaponry from this vantage point!”

Sally glanced at the two items that the extremely plump lady handed her, and she wondered, “Maybe it’s allergic to flowers?”

“I’d say let’s offer it some honey, but I’m pretty sure it only eats meat! Specifically, humans too…” Luke speculated.

“As a maneater myself, I wouldn’t say no to a bit of honey!” Libby flirtatiously joked.

After shaking my head in irritation, I snapped, “Now’s not the time unless you wanna get an ass full of quills!” Libby unwillingly clammed up, and then I petitioned the others, “Is there some other method of using the honey aside from feeding that thing?”

Sam suggested, “We could utilize the contents of that jar to blind it. I’m not certain what would happen to an individual if they got some in their eyes, but it couldn’t be a pleasant experience!”

“How do we get close to it without getting nailed?” Beck catechized.

“I swear, if you make one remark about a different meaning of getting nailed, we’re feeding you to that beast!” I barked at Libby. Libby closed her mouth and appeared quite sullen about this predicament.

Sally indicated to the branches above the path and propositioned, “One of us could drop the honey from up there!”

Sam asserted, “The largest branch still looks too rickety for the average adult, so we would have to elect someone very slender… And, of course, it’ll have to be me! Sigh! I really need to start working out more!”

We assisted Sam in getting to the lofty twigs, and Sally handed him the honey. We watched with bated breath as Sam scooted closer and closer to the monster, and we knocked on wood that this plan would pan out. He was almost there, and our hopes of success began to rise, but then, all of a sudden, a bird swooped in and started pecking him! “Oh, knock it off! I’m not after your young!” Sam cried out. The monster caught sight of this spectacle, so Sam rolled off of the tree and reached the ground prior to getting impacted by the quills. Sam stood up looking quite vexed, and when he heard the monster snarling, he yelled, “Oh, shut up!”

Out of a fit of anger, Sam hurled the jar of honey at the monster. For a split second, we worried about losing our only possible weapon, but the glass shattered on its nose, and several pieces got buried in its skin! The monster howled in pain and rolled over in a vain attempt to remove the shards, and in so doing, its quills got stuck in the dirt! The monster couldn’t get itself out! “Oh, no! That poor creature can’t free itself!” Willard wailed.

“Don’t pity it! Run!” I instructed him. We emerged from the trees that shielded us and raced away preceding anything enabling the monster from riding itself of this disadvantage.

“Isn’t it weird how we’re on this cloud forest created by a vindictive goddess, and there’s still wildlife scampering around like everything is normal?” I mused as I watched a squirrel gathering pistachios. “Aww! That little guy is hiding his nuts!”

Libby quipped, “If this big guy needs a place to hide his nuts, I’ve got a place!” Libby ogled Luke aodringly.

Everybody groaned at that cheesy line, and Sally grumbled, “Jeez, I never thought I’d miss the puns!”

“Hey!” Luke got mildly hurt by that comment.

“Could you cool it with the sex stuff?” Beck requested to Libby. “It makes us wanna hurl!”

Libby simpered, “I can’t resist! It’s just the impulse that comes with being the town slut!”

We all halted in our tracks and stared at Sally. Sally blinked in shock and reacted, “Excuse me?” 

“It’s true!” Libby expressed as-a-matter-of-factly. “I’ve slept with all of the most handsome men in town!”

“Oh, the things you learn about your colleagues when you’re off-campus!” Willard cringed.

Sam changed the subject, “We’ve come to an inlet that obscures our pathway, so my presumption would be that we are to encounter a monster in the depths of that water.”

Luke descried, “Our only avenue across is that set of stepping stones, and it wouldn’t be difficult for anything to ambush when we’re on there!”

“I’m the town slut!” Sally insisted.

“Focus!” I directed them. “How are we gonna get across the inlet safely?”

Beck suggested, “We could follow the bank to see where it narrows and just hop to the other side.”

Sam contended with that idea, “That may go on for miles, and we don’t have the time or energy for that sort of fact-finding expedition.”

“There’s no way you’ve had more affairs than me!” Libby argued with Sally. “Even if you did, it’s only ‘cause you had more opportunities, seeing how you’re much older than me!”

“Enough already!” I shrieked. “Sally is the town slut! You wanna know why? When she submits to a man’s advances, it’s ‘cause she likes him, not ‘cause she’s fighting to get the man to like her! She doesn’t keep trying to pursue someone who isn’t interested in her! So, now that this is settled, can we move on?”

I didn’t mean to do that- the words just sort of slipped off of my tongue! Clearly, my speech struck a nerve since Libby hung her head low and complied, “Okay!” I felt terrible for being so brutally honest, but I didn’t really have a chance to apologize…

Willard enlisted himself, “I’m crossing the inlet!”

“Are you sure?” Luke quizzed him. “It’s really dangerous!”

“Yeah, I’m kinda fine with that right now!” he vaguely referenced the recent drama.

We watched him jump onto the first stepping stone with pins and needles surging throughout our veins. We had no clue what would emerge from the water, but we definitely feared for his safety! So far, no one had gotten seriously injured from these misadventures, and obviously, none of us wanted to witness any casualties! I crossed my fingers for his secure passage, and I strove to convince the others, “Maybe nothing will happen, and everyone can cross smoothly!” No one believed that, not even me! We grew even more nervous as Willard prepped to bound over to the next stepping stone…

Suddenly, aquatic horses with the top halves of ponies and the bottom halves of eels floated up to the surface! We couldn’t imagine what sort of attack these strange creatures would launch, and it stunned us to view them making the water vibrate enough to shake all of the neighboring land! Willard struggled to return to shore, but thankfully, he managed to do it! He fell onto his face, and then he mumbled, “This better be mud!”

“That’s it! I’m gonna walk for a bit and see if it gets narrow,” Beck stomped off once the movement halted.

“How are we supposed to survive this?” Luke pondered.

I sighed, “Let’s hope Beck finds a bridge! Or maybe even another monster willing to throw us over there!” 

New Trouble, Chapter 31

“It still looks the same!” I gasped as I walked into the gym of our old high school.

“No, it doesn’t!” Sam disagreed. “I don’t see the ropes Coch Raymond used to make us climb!”

Luke briefed us, “They took those out a few years ago due to safety issues.”

Sam balked at that concept, “What? That feebleminded activity lowered my grade, and it turns out that I shouldn’t have had to do in the first place! That’s not fair!”

“Would you rather have kids continue to do it and get hurt?” Beck challenged Sam.

“No, but…” Sam’s thought petered out mid-sentence, but he was still clearly miffed about this update.

Luke instructed us, “Grab any box you see lying around, and stick the decorations wherever you feel like it!”

I glimpsed through the nearest box and peered at the objects curiously. “Venetian masks, gold jewelry, roses… What the heck is the theme for this dance?”

“Romeo and Juliet,” Luke let me know.

“Seriously?” I cried out incredulously. “Do they know how it ended?”

Luke chuckled, “I don’t think so! Half the prom committee was too busy drooling over Leonardo DiCaprio to pay much attention to the plot!”

Sally related to that, “Same here! I’m glad there was something there to distract me from the terrible acting!”

Jokingly, Luke cautioned Sally, “Don’t say that when the students are here! You’ll cause a riot!”

“Hey, Luke!” A shapely woman strolled up to him and smiled sweetly. “The deejay wants to go over some contract details…”

“Be right there, Libby!” Luke responded to her. He turned to me and broadcasted, “If you have any questions, don’t hesitate to ask!”

Trying to sound as casual as possible, I queried him, “I do have one question… Who’s Libby?”

Luke genially filled me in, “Oh, she’s the British Literature teacher.”

“And she approved of the theme?” I reacted in aghast. Luke tittered and shrugged prior to joining Libby at the deejay booth, and I muttered, “I don’t like her!”

“But, how can you make such a determination based on so little information?” Sam’s brows furrowed.

Sally sided with me, “I get that! She gives off snake vibes with that low-cut getup and come-hither eyes- she’s giving you real competition!”

I became defensive at that insinuation, “What are you talking about? Luke and I aren’t a couple, and we may never be if he turns out to be the key to Pandora’s Box! He’s free to date whoever he wants!”

“Oh, Penny, you know that’s not true, or else you wouldn’t have worn such a flattering outfit!” Sally contended.

“It’s just a spaghetti strap dress!” I argued. “I guess it shows off my figure a little, but if I were trying to capture his focus, I wouldn’t have worn a t-shirt underneath it! Do you think it’s too late for me to take it off, though?”

Beck theorized, “You wanna get into your gown early to look prettier than Libby? He’s worked with that skank for ages, probably, and he still chases after you, so you’re fine, dude!”

I blushed profusely upon hearing that. “What do you mean? He’s just…! I’m…! Um… It’s fine! I’m fine!”

None of my besties believed my rickety claim, but thankfully, they didn’t have time to deliberate the issue because a red-headed man with freckles and a clipboard approached us and asked, “Can I help you with something?”

“Oh, no! We came with Luke to lend a hand in the decor!” I answered. I recognized that we were basically just lurking on the outskirts of the dancefloor, so I hastily grabbed the box in front of us to appear as believable as possible.

“Great!” he chirped. “Well, I’m Principal Saberhagan, and I’m super excited to have you on our team! Welcome aboard!”

We thanked him, and once he was out of our earshot, Beck remarked, “That guy’s energy though! I think I got a cavity just listening to him talk!”

I discouraged that viewpoint, “Be nice! At least he’s not shunning us or trying to hire us to do witchcraft like other people in Adonis Shores are doing right now!”

“That’s true!” Sam acknowledged. “At least he won’t behave like a malcontent when he gets dragged along on whatever monstrous ensnarement we partake in tonight!” 

“Oh, don’t say that!” Sally chided him. “I mean, I know she’s evil, but I don’t think she’d strike in a room full of children!”

Beck pointed out, “She’s already ambushed us with kids around! Remember what happened a couple of days ago?”

Shuddering slightly at that memory, I articulated, “I try not to! It’s possible she’d ruin the kids’ Homecoming, but I doubt she’d actually do it ‘cause, so far, the youngsters who get involved with this crap have been more helpful than the adults!”

“Negative!” Sam disagreed. “She would choose to strike when the potential damage is maximal! She’s going to strike today!” As if on cue, there was a tremendous thump outside, and the impact of whatever enormous commodity that was out there shook the building significantly! Sam folded his arms sullenly as he grumbled, “Well, I was still right about what day she would act!”

“What’s going on?” Principal Saberhagan inquired from the other side of the room.

Covering the side door I was peeking out of, I replied, “Nothing! Everything’s totally normal!” Principal Saberhagan didn’t quite believe me, but he didn’t voice any objections. Once he was satisfied, I requested to Luke, “Could you come here for a second?”

Luke notified the deejay, “I’ll be right back!”

“Uh, no! He’s busy right now!’ Libby steered Luke’s shoulder so he faced away from me.

“Well, that may be, but he needs to come here and get busy with me!” I realized how that comeback sounded, so I tried to clarify myself, “That’s not what I meant!”

Luke freed himself from Libby’s grasp and relayed to her, “You can handle this!” Libby opened her mouth to protest this decision, and he probed, “Isn’t that why you named yourself co-chair of the Homecoming committee?”

Twirling her hair in a mischievous guilt, Libby affirmed, “Not exactly…”

After rolling his eyes at her, Luke marched over to me, leaned in, and catechised in a low tone, “Is there a monster?”

“Monster is a bit harsh! She’s a bit of an animal, but…” I mulled it over for a moment, and then it registered to me who he was referring to. “Oh, you mean outside! Well, it’s… something…!”

“Are you serious?” Sam griped as I made the door ajar enough for them to see what was out there.

Libby, the deejay, and Principal Saberhagan all glanced up when they heard his outburst, so I put on a nonchalant visage and communicated, “We’re gonna take care of something out here real quick! Excuse us!”

We dashed out the door, and in the middle of the parking lot, we beheld a giant beanstalk reaching up into the clouds! Sam complained, “This is an element of a narrative that originated in Medieval England, not Ancient Greece!”

“Actually, early versions of Jack and the Beanstalk go back five thousand years to the Indo-Pacific region,” Luke corrected him. “The Greeks probably did trade there and repeated their own version to their homeland. They didn’t have the printing press yet, but popular tales stuck around through an oral tradition.”

“Did someone say oral?” Libby emerged with a sly smirk. 

I riposted, “Are you for real? Don’t you see that giant thing over there?”

Libby shot back, “Oh, I’m sure it’s giant! That’s why I came out here!” She finally noticed the beanstalk, and she grew bugged-eyed. “Oh my gosh! There’s a huge plant over there!”

“It’s not really posing a threat, so do we have to climb it?” Sally pondered.

“I wanna climb it!” Libby commented.

Sally barked, “Calm down, hot pants! We get it, you’re horny! No one cares!”

Libby readied herself to argue with that, but then Principal Saberhagan came outside and canvassed us, “What are my happy helpers doing out here? We got a lot of work to… Aw, why the long faces?” Everyone except Libby pointed to the beanstalk, and Principal Saberhagan blinked in bewilderment. “Oh, my! Is this a really ambitious parade float?”

“No, Willard! I don’t think any of our students can afford that much chicken wire!” Luke conveyed to him.

“You know what, I think Halorykta is losing her touch!” I opined. “We could go up there and face something really dangerous and annoying, or we could avoid the entire situation altogether by chopping that thing down immediately! Simple as that! Nice try, Halorykta! We’re getting too smart for you!” I laughed at the perceived error in her logic, but then a bolt of lightning struck behind us! We ran forward, and more came down! I backtracked my previous statement, “Okay, maybe her plan wasn’t that simple after all!”

We sought refuge on the beanstalk, and we watched lightning continually striking all around us without pause. Willard fretted, “Heavens to Betsy! This is quite the unusual meteorological event!”

Beck verbalized, “This isn’t a weather front, dude! Regular lightning hits the tallest point, and if this was typical behavior, the lightning would’ve hit that flagpole! …or this plant!”

“Someone’s doing this on purpose?” Libby pondered.

“Yes, so long story short, we incurred the wrath of an ancient goddess, so now we have to survive the ensnarements that she sends out to us,” Sam apprised them.

Willard protested, “Wait, why are we keeping that story short! I feel like angering a goddess is something you should probably elaborate on!”

Sally informed him, “Yeah, that’s fair! But, we don’t have a minute to spare here! We’re gonna have to get up there and fight some monsters before the Homecoming attendees arrive!”

“Monsters? Ew! I don’t wanna do that!” Libby refused.

“Oh, thank god! Just stay here ‘til we’re finished!” I directed her as we began scaling the vegetation.

Libby espied Luke in our mix, and she called out to him, “Don’t worry, Luke, baby! I won’t leave you!” We all groaned as she joined us.

I wasn’t certain what to expect upon our entrance, but I anticipated a floor comprised of clouds and a plethora of fairy tale elements, but we entered into a forest full of tall, skinny trees and leafy, green herbage! The ground was solid like regular grassland, too! Willard exclaimed, “Did someone spike the punch already? I must be hallucinating!”

“You can tell yourself that if it makes you feel better!” Luke suggested.

“Oh, Luke! I’m so scared! Hold me!” Libby pressed herself against him in a melodramatic fashion.

Luke buzzed Willard, “Can I file for harassment even though we’re technically off campus?”

Sam warned Libby, “Listen, there are a lot of craven creatures during these encounters, so we need everyone’s hands free!” 

“But-!” Libby quarrrled.

“No!” Sam adamantly decreed. “We have a job to do! We can’t have anyone rolling around together!”

Right after he spoke, an extremely plump lady popped out of a bush and tackled Sam! As they tumbled on the floor, Libby carped, “Well, that’s not fair! How come you get to do it!”

When their movement ceased, the extremely plump lady landed on top of his chest! Her obtuse nose poked out of her headcovering, and her bulbous eyes fiendishly gawked at him. She commanded, “Give me back my hat!”

“Sure, no problem!” Sam obliged.

“You know where it is?” Sally glimpsed at him in surprise.

Sam admitted, “No, but I hoped she’d get up if I said that!”

I determined, “We’re gonna have to push her off!”

“What’s gonna happen if we do that?” Willard wondered.

“We’re about to find out!” I asserted. Everybody but Libby prepared themselves to bombard her with all of our might, and when we finally sprang out and used our entire force, she tumbled off! But then…

New Trouble, Chapter 30

“Penny, have a seat,” Mister Macquire invited me.

“I always sit down when I come to work! Why would today be any…?” I cut off my own sentence when something he said registered to me as different… “Did you just call me Penny?”

Mister Macquire stated, “That’s what my daughter calls you.”

My stomach sunk. So, my worst suspicion was confirmed- he was the Mister Macquire Cassandra’s babysitter was referring to last night! I felt myself emerge on tenderhooks as I stood in the lobby, and I hoped I could save my job with plausible deniability, “There are a lot of women named Penny out there! Maybe Penny Marshall is directing a picture in Adonis Shores…”

“Does Penny Marshall also wear those same horrible flats with a bow that you think match everything?” Mister Macquire countered.

“She might!” I contended. “And, they’re black- they do match everything!”

Mister Macquire crinkled his nose in disgust. “They still smell like horse feces!”

I lamented, “Still? I spent half the night scrubbing them!” He gave me a discerning look, so I explained, “Look, it’s not my fault! Cassandra ran up that hill ‘cause she was unsupervised, and the oracle put a barrier up after she joined us, so it was too late to send her back! We kept her safe, though, my friends and I should get credit for protecting her from monsters!”

“I’m not interested in discussing the supernatural stuff!” Mister Macquire barked.

“You’re not?” I puzzled. “Wait, have you dealt with it before? Or, maybe Cassandra did?”

Mister Macquire let out an exasperated exhale. “I don’t understand any of that gobbledy-gook, but I’m glad she was shielded from danger! I appreciate you keeping her alive, but you didn’t show much consideration for my property! She was wearing silk- how could you let her go swimming in that?”

I stared at him in aghast. “Seriously? Out of all the things you could get mad about, that’s what you fixated on? It’s not like it was cold outside- who cares if she got a little wet!”

“You can’t get silk wet! It damages the material!” Mister Macquire cried out.

“I’m sorry! It just never occurred to me that someone would send a child to the movies wearing something expensive and delicate!” I defended myself.

Mister Macquire muttered, “Angelica told me they were going to the theatre, so I assumed she was attending an orchestra concert! I can’t believe I have to fire two people within twenty-four hours!”

I responded to that notion, “You’re firing me for staining a dress? I didn’t even do it during working hours!”

“Look, I can’t trust you now, so I’ve told the temp agency not to invite you back. Please, empty your desk!” Mister Macquire requested.

“It is empty!” I affirmed.

Mister Macquire blinked in surprise. “Oh!” The phone rang, and he inquired, “Are you gonna answer that?” 

I angrily replied, “No! You just fired me!”

Huffing impatiently, he grumped, “Well, since I’m stranded without a secretary, you could pick up the slack before you go! If you could also grab the mail on your way out, that’d be great!” I wanted to tell him what he could do with his mail, but I was too livid to summon the words, so I simply stormed out. 

“Excuse me, ma’am! Are you a registered voter?” a man with a clipboard petitioned me outside.

“Not now!” I spat.

The man trailed me and articulated, “Fantastic! I have the forms to make sure you can participate in next month’s election!”

I irately conveyed to him, “I am registered, but I’m in no mood to talk to anyone right now, so goodbye!”

“Can I get a signature to lower the amount of salt put into our food?” the man shouted after me.

“Listen, I…” I contemplated that concept for a moment, and then I changed my mind. “Actually, yeah! That’s a cause I could get behind!” After I hastily signed his form, I felt my nerves become slightly alleviated imagining Halorykta’s reaction to that ballot measure!

When I got home, I didn’t want to cry! Well, actually, I physically felt the impulse to blubber endlessly ready to burst out, but mentally, I wanted to do something to fix everything, just erase the pain this incident created like it never happened! I was determined to bounce back on my feet right away, so much so that I didn’t want to sit down! I did not need that job- well, I did need the work, but I thought I could get another job somewhere else! …Except I couldn’t, which is why I took that horrible job in the first place! My mind was so muddled, and I recognized that the only way to get my innermost turmoil out was to do some venting…

It was still early, so I reckoned everyone else was with their employers, which meant there was only one person I could call… I steeled myself up and reluctantly hit five on the speed dial… “Penny!” my mom greeted me in surprise. “Was there another blackout at your job?”

“It’s not my job anymore! I was fired!” I revealed.

“Fired? Why? What did you do?” my mom quizzed me in appal.

My initial response was to get upset that she would automatically assume I  was the one who erred, but once I fought the urge to argue with the queen of stubbornness, I realized I had a real conundrum on my hands- what on Earth would I tell her about that night? I brought my boss’s daughter to a mythical mountain where she helped us fight monsters sent by an apocalyptic goddess, and her father didn’t like how I handled that? Well, there was one aspect of that debacle that I could discuss with her… “I accidentally stained his little girl’s clothes!”

I anticipated my chiding me for my neglect, but to my surprise, she reacted indignantly on my behalf, “Well, that’s a stupid reason to terminate someone!”

“You really think so?” I was floored that my mom was actually showing me some solidarity! Perhaps this juncture wasn’t a total loss after all…

“Absolutely!” she confirmed. “You don’t need to work for such a shortsighted person!” My heart swelled under the presumption that my mom had, indeed, intended to give me the support that I desperately needed, and I made certain to savor that second of delight… Literally, it didn’t last long since she added, “You have a potential husband that can take care of you!”

Even though this was entirely on brand for her, it still took me a lengthy stretch to absorb what she was trying to tell me. “What?”

My mom elaborated, “Mister Foster makes a considerable sum as a personal banker, but even if he lost that position somehow, his family is fairly well-off, so you’d be fine no matter what happens! Oh my dear, give him a chance! You would never worry about finances again, and you could free yourself of the curse! Just picture it, Missus Penny Foster!”

“That sounds more like a cheap beer than a title to be proud of!” I riposted. She bristled at my remark, but preceding her lecture on my attitude, I challenged her, “What would you do if I married a poor man?”

“Don’t get romantic on me!” my mom shot back. “We need to be practical here- now, what are you gonna do? How are you gonna get by?”

I assured her, “I have enough to get by for a little while!”

She probed, “And, after that?”

So much for getting some maternal comfort! I didn’t know what to say, but thankfully, someone knocked on the door. I sarcastically regarded my mom, “That’s the bum I picked up at the beach- we’re gonna go boil a can of beans over a campfire together!”

“That’s not funny!” my mom snapped.

“I’ll tell him you said hello!” I joked before hanging up. I smirked picturing her fury if I carried through with that premise and wedded a school teacher with a meager salary, but gut wrenched as I recalled that I couldn’t be with him in case he was the key to Pandora’s Box! This day was emotional torture, and I prayed that whoever had come to visit wasn’t planning on adding to my pile of misery!

It was a relief to see Sally on the other side of that door! Although viewing her in casual clothing on a weekday was a bit odd… “You’re off today?” I asked her.

She comically answered, “Totally! Also, I skipped a shift at Paymart to go to a gynecology appointment! I had a morning appointment, but I took the entire day off ‘cause it’s awkward to do a shift right after you’ve been probed!”

“How’d it go?” I posed to her as she sat on my couch.

“Oh, bad news… That hunk of a doctor working on me examining me was married!” Sally grinned.

I laughed, “Who picks a medical office based on how attractive the staff is?”

Sally corrected me, “Actually, my friend in the Poetry Club is the receptionist at the clinic… Of course, that’s why she recommended it…”

“Makes sense!” I glanced at her jovial behavior, and I grew curious about something. “How did you know I was here?”

“I called that architect’s number to see if you wanted to do an early lunch, and that douchebag told me what happened,” Sally filled me in. “If it makes you feel any better, he sounded overwhelmed and close to tears!”

Scoffing at that image, I commented, “Good!” After that brief moment of levity, I articulated, “It’s not like I’ll miss it there, but I’ll miss the paychecks!”

Sally expressed, “You’re so lucky!” I glimpsed at her questioningly, so she clarified, “You got to leave that environment! I’ve been at mine for oever twenty years, and I haven’t been able to get away! My only experience is in retail, and it’s not like I’d have better luck at another store- they’re all run the same! I’d be willing to give another place a try though, but I never have the time to go looking elsewhere! Do you know how hard it is for them to let anyone go? I didn’t even tell them I took the day off ‘til five minutes before my shift was supposed to start- they just accepted it! Psh! I’ll be stuck there forever!”

“Hmm, I never thought anyone would be jealous of what I went through!” I bemused. “I know, the universe just paved a path for me to go somewhere more fun, but I struggled to find work before this, and I really don’t wanna go through that again! Then, I talked to my mom about the situation, and she suggested I get hitched to that horny banker of hers! He makes Ned look like a Casanova!”

“Why would you go to her for something like this?” Sally pondered. “Don’t you usually run to Kitty for these kinds of issues?”

I cringed at her bringing up this sore subject. “Sally, I can’t see her ‘til I figure out if her son could accidentally obliterate humanity! I don’t know if she’s discovered that I was the one her son has feelings for or not, but I don’t wanna hear her try to put us together when we gotta stay apart! Then, if he’s not the key, and the relationship doesn’t work out, I’d lose her friendship too!”

Sally pointed out, “So, you’re not going to her salon ‘cause you’re afraid of not going to her salon?”

“Oh, gosh! It’s already happening!” I exclaimed.

“Listen, no one’s gonna push you to do something you’re uncomfortable with! Personally though, I think the best way to get over something is to get under someone! But, since Luke is teaching class right now anyway, we’ve gotta try something else! Let’s go chat with Kitty and then go to lunch- my treat!” Sally advised me. I was still hesitant, so she supplemented that with, “I went looking for you at Goldi Locks first, so she’s expecting you to come tell her all about it!”

I groaned slightly, and then I verbalized, “Alright, but if the topic of romance comes up, can you bring up something else?”

Sally agreed, “You’ve got it! It’s gonna be a fun day! …As long as no monsters show up!” She knocked on my wooden table for luck as I grabbed my purse, and I concluded that I should probably forget about job hunting and work on ending this end-of-the-world adventure once and for all!

New Trouble, Chapter 29

An alluring man in a dark toga & matching cape gave Sally a devilish grin as he broadcasted, “Where are you going so fast?”

Sally batted her eyes coquettishly as she communicated with him, “I do everything fast!”

“Oh, brother!” I shook my head as I viewed her instantly forgetting about our quest.

“Don’t think I didn’t notice you over there, beautiful!” the male nymph poured on the charm as he addressed me. “You radiate wisdom and kindness- you could be a goddess!”

Inwardly, I knew what game he was playing, but it was hard not to blush as he spoke! “Oh, stop!” I bashfully turned my head, and when I caught sight of Luke’s visage, I recognized that he was about to voice his opinion on my hypocrisy, so I composed myself and thwarted him from airing his argument, “This is not the same thing!”

Luke folded his arms defiantly. “How is your behavior different than mine?”

“Because…!” Truthfully, I couldn’t come up with anything, so I simply implied he had done the opposite of what I intended to do, “I’m not gonna let a pretty face prevent me from doing my job!”

“Where are you running off to?” The male nymph blocked me from moving forward.

I bypassed him as I relayed, “I’m getting the Apple of His Herpes D! Wait, that’s not what it’s called! It was His… Oh, who cares? I’m getting the golden apple!”

He went in front of me again and coaxed, “Oh, come on! Have some fun! That apple isn’t going anywhere…”

“It might! I don’t know all the rules of this strange land!” I riposted.

“Oh, forget about her!” Sally strove to regain his attention. “Why did you ditch me? Was it the fast thing? I can go real slow if you would prefer…”

He noticed that, while Sally had been distracting him, I had gotten close to the tree, and he commanded, “Stay out of there!”

I defied him, “Go hug a landmine!”

“I’m not sure what that is!” He watched me begin to climb, and he grimly declared, “If you’re gonna play hard to get, you leave me no choice…”

“Noooo!” Luke raced toward the male nymph as he reached into the top of his toga. We both assumed he would draw out some sort of weapon, but it turned out to be a lyre. “Oh, you’re gonna perform some cheesy song- that sounds amusing, so I’ll allow it…”

I continued to climb until the male nymph strummed his instrument… the musical kind… His skills were so-so, but somehow, the melody compelled me to dance! Luke, Sally, Beck, and Sam all began to sway, and Sam fretted,” What’s going on? I’ve made it perfectly clear that I don’t like to dance!”

Beck remarked, “Whoa, Penny! I’ve never seen you with so much rhythm!”

“Shut up!” After I snapped at him, I canvassed the crew, “What are we gonna do?”

“I’m trying to make my way over to him, but I can’t get any closer,” Sally articulated.

Beck guessed, “You wanna know that instrument out of his hands?”

Sally told him, “Yeah, that too!”

“Did you know there was a Dancing Plague in France in fifteen-eighteen?” Luke regaled us. “They averaged fourteen deaths per day!”

“Thanks, Luke! That makes us feel less doomed!” Sam muttered.

Beck wailed, “We’re all gonna die!”

The three nymphs cackled at our misfortune, and the male nymph leered, “You’re all in our power, and there’s nothing you can do to get out of it!”

“I got the apple!” Cassandra called out from the tree branches.

“What?” the male nymph cried out in dismay. “How? How can a mortal hear our music and not fall under our spell?”

Cassandra shrugged. “I wasn’t listening!”

Sally commented, “This kid’s starting to grow on me!”

“You’re not gonna get away with this!” The male nymph lunged toward the tree.

“Leave her alone!” I grabbed his lyre and hit him on the head with it. He struggled to get it off, and when I glanced at the female nymphs, they slowly backed away. I directed those of us from the twentieth century, “Let’s move on from whores to boars!” Luke assisted Cassandra out of the tree, and we all left the grove.

As we trudged up the giant staircase, Cassandra petitioned us, “Um, I’ve got a question…”

Beck responded, “That’s fine as long as it’s not about the candy!”

“What is that oracle lady gonna do with this apple?” Cassandra peered at it inquisitively.

“No clue!” Beck conveyed to her. “You can ask her when we see her again.”

Cassandra posed to him, “I’ve got another question… How long do I gotta hold this?”

Beck patted down his cargo shorts. “Sorry, kiddo! I don’t have enough pocket space ‘cause of all the…candy…”

“I can help you clear some space!” Cassandra eagerly grinned at him.

“No way!” I determined. “You’re not getting anything ‘til we hand you back to your babysitter- that’ll be her punishment for not keeping an eye on you!”

Sam probed, “Shouldn’t we reward her, though? We might have perished in that second task if she hadn’t joined our journey!”

I considered that notion for a moment, “Hmm… No, ‘cause she needed to come along, but she didn’t need to be full of caffeine and sugar!”

“What? That’s not fun for you guys?” Cassandra inquired.

“Not really,” Sally replied. “We need those things just to keep ourselves awake!”

Cassandra opined, “Being a grownup sounds hard!”

Sally agreed, “You have no idea! Stay blissfully ignorant! Why don’t you go frolic in the grass or something?”

“That may not be such a good plan,” Luke cautioned against that suggestion as he studied a statue close to the sidewalk. “Our next monster may join us out here soon…”

“We are getting close to their abode; however, I don’t believe there is concrete evidence indicating that they might emerge to defend their territory,” Sam disagreed.

Luke contended, “Oh, really? Does that statue depict the usual serenity used by art models?”

Sam glimpsed at it and frowned. “Well… perhaps they have dubious tastes in their decor…”

“There’s another one! I’ve never seen an Ancient Greek artwork where the subject was terrified,” Sally put in.

“Nothing about this experience is normal, though!” Sam quarreled.

Luke apprised us, “This looks like Medusa’s handiwork! If you look her in the eye, you’ll turn into stone! Or a pillar of salt… either way, it’s not good!”

I edicted, “We’d better head up there walking backwards, just in case!” I started to do that, but it was more difficult to keep my balance than I anticipated. “This isn’t working!”

“I’m not having any problems!” Cassandra let us know as she swiftly ascended the steps. Seh went a little further, and then she crashed into something. “Oh! Sorry, Mister Statue!”

“Excuse me, but I’m not a statue! And, I’m a woman!” a husky female voice huffed.

I presumed, “Medusa?”

She confirmed, “Yes! Who are you? One of you isn’t that jerk, Perseus, are you?”

“No, no!” I assured her. “We just came for the Erymanthian Boar!”

“Ugh! Why does everyone want to take my pet?” Medusa grumbled. 

Luke commentated, “I didn’t know you owned any animals!”

Medusa filled us in, “It was just nice to have something willing to look me in the eyes! I don’t know why he’s the exception, but nonetheless…”

“So, you’re probably not gonna willingly part with him,” Sally inferred.

“Take a wild guess,” Medusa vociferated.

Beck ventured, “Yes, you will?”

Medusa spat, “No!”

“Damn!” Beck lamented.

“Oh, great! We have to battle her now!” I griped.

Medusa scoffed at that concept, “You six are going to fight me? Good luck!”

Luke encouraged us, “Alright, guys! We can do this!” We considered the mechanics of this endeavor as our backs were turned to our adversary, and everyone became doubtful. Luke supplemented his assertion, “Somehow!”

“There are lots of rocks! We can still hurt her!” Sally picked up a pebble and tossed it behind her. “Did I get her?”

“Not even close!” Medusa laughed. Shortly afterwards, she shouted, “Ow!”

Sam celebrated, “Bullseye!” He did it again, but he didn’t hear a response. “Gosh darn it, she moved! Get her to say something else so I can calculate her position and the angle I should throw my projectile!”

Beck recommended, “Let’s just keep throwing in different spots! Something is bound to hit her!”

We continued to pelt stones rearwards, but nothing seemed to have much of an impact. I assessed, “This is dumb! We’re not gonna defeat her like this!”

“Does anyone have a mirror?” Sam catechized.

“What would we do with that? See her laugh at how much we suck?” Sally shot back.

Cassandra exclaimed, “Uh-oh!” We glanced at her in alarm, and we were relieved to behold the Erymanthian Boar eating the golden apple out of her hand! “Is the oracle lady gonna be mad?”

Luke consoled her, “No! In fact, she-!” Mid-sentence, he lunged at the boar. He managed to nab it, and it squealed as Luke barreled down the hill.

Medusa roared, “Hey! Get back here with that!”

Sam stuck his leg out, and Medusa tumbled face-first onto the grass. Beck dragged a large boulder onto her hair, which resulted in a lot of hissing. Beck queried, “Are those real snakes on her head?”

“Who cares? Let’s get out of here before she frees herself somehow, and we gotta duke it out with her for real!” I instructed them as Medusa struggled to release herself from that restraint.

“We completed your stupid quest!” Sally declared as we handed the boar to the oracle.

The oracle’s brows furrowed. “Why did I have you bring me this? I don’t have any use for it! Oh my Zeus, I must’ve been really high!”

Beck sympathized, “I feel that!”

“Under the influence or not, a promise is a promise!” I admonished her. 

“True!” the oracle sighed. She snapped her fingers, and then she notified us, “The barrier is gone. You may leave! You’re welcome to join me here tomorrow, though- I’m making fried cheesecake!”

Sam rubbed his chin contemplatively. “That actually does sound rather appetizing…!” We stared at him reproachfully, and he clarified, “I wasn’t actually going to do it!”

As we approached the bottom, the small mountain disappeared! We plummeted a short distance to the Supernova Cinema parking lot and landed in a heap. “Really? She couldn’t wait until we got down?” I muttered. “Halorykta is such an asshole!”

“Ooh! I’m gonna tell my daddy how much you swore!” Cassandra joked.

“Why would I care about that?” I chuckled. I pat her head, and she giggled. “Thanks for your help, kid!” 

Before she could say anything back, a teenage girl stomped over and yelled, “There you are! Get your tuckus over here now!” She turned to her boyfriend and decreed, “I’m gonna have to tell Mister Macquire what she did!”

My eyes grew wide upon hearing that. “Macquire? Oh no! …Well, my boss can’t be the only Macquire in this city, right?” Sally crossed her fingers, and while we walked towards Beck’s truck, I prayed that, if this was indeed the same Macquire as my employer, that he was just as neglectful as his babysitter so he wouldn’t hear his daughter’s story…

New Trouble, Chapter 28

“Ugh! My knees!” Sam groaned as we began ascending the giant staircase. “I imagine I would have had an easier time with this if I used them more!”

“I’m not having any trouble!” Sally stated as she strode up the steps. We gave her a look, and she quizzed us, “What?”

Luke attempted to buoy our spirits, “Yes, I know this is hard, but at least we’re making progress!” We glanced down at the nearby parking lot for Supernova Cinema, and he insisted, “We’re still further than where we started!”

I lamented, “Why couldn’t these monsters have shown up when we were in our twenties? I wasted so much limberness cleaning up after my stupid ex-husband!”

“Well, at least we don’t gotta worry about anyone in the general public getting hurt!” Beck brought up. As if on cue, a little girl in pigtails skipped past us! “Damn it!”

“Ooh! You said a swear!” the little girl reacted in aghast from above us.

I implored the little girl, “Please, get down here!”

The little girl taunted us, “You’ll have to catch me first!”

We watched her venture off of the main route into a cave with smoke billowing out of it, and Beck wondered, “Whoa! Why would anyone willingly go in there?”

“Don’t worry, kid! We’re coming to save you!” Sam avowed. As we lumbered up the stairs, he added, “Slowly!”

“Do you think it’s a dragon?” Luke posed to us.

The little girl’s voice echoed out, “Wow! You have a lot of neat stuff!”

Sally responded to Luke, “If it is, it’s apparently friendly!”

We reluctantly entered the cave, and the further we went inside, the more it started to look like an apothecary! There were all sorts of vials, plants, rocks, and other oddities strewed about the natural shelves on the walls, and the torches that lined our path crackled in various colors. At the end, we beheld a woman with a blindfold on standing over a cauldron with billowy steam emanating out, and the little girl was checking out various curios that surrounded the carpet the woman was standing on. The woman exasperatedly shouted, “Stop that! Where are your parents?”

“That’s a great question!” I muttered.

“Ah! The Chosen Ones have made it!” the woman acknowledged our presence. “Welcome to your destiny! I…! Why would you bring a child along for an important quest?”

I articulated, “We didn’t! She… Wait! What do you mean, quest?”

The woman filled us in, “I, the Oracle of the Ford of Taurus, hereby delegate you with tasks that you must complete in order to move the barrier off of the bottom of this mountain and give you access to your homes once more!”

“Hold on, there’s a barrier?” Sally looked at her with alarm. “So, no one can lose interest in this quest and go home?” We gazed at her in shock, so she clarified, “Not me! I meant the kid over there!”

“My name is Cassandra!” the little girl chirped.

Sally dryly conveyed to her, “That’s nice!”

Beck queried, “Who put the barrier there?”

“I did!” the oracle affirmed.

“Why? That’s so lame!” Beck griped.

The oracle shrugged. “I don’t know why I did it! But, the magic has already been evoked, so you have no choice!”

Luke prompted her, “What are the tasks?”

“First, you must clean the Augean Stables. Second, you must obtain an Apple of Hesperides. Third, you must capture the Erymanthian Boar and bring him to me alive,” the oracle decreed.

“Cleaning stables?” Sam crinkled his nose at the prospect.

I advised him, “Don’t complain! At least there aren’t any monsters involved!”

The oracle disputed my statement, “Oh, no! There are plenty of beasts and mythical creatures on this mountain!”

“Of course there are!” I sighed. “We gotta clean, babysit, and fight supernatural creatures? What a bunch of shit!” Cassandra gasped, so I apprised her, “Grownups do that a lot, so get used to it! Alright, let’s get this over with!”

“So, to answer your question from earlier, Zorda is the main villain in Celestial Battles,” Sam conveyed to Sally. “You see, in the Paragon Universe, the government has been taken over by-!”

Sally cut him off, “No offense, but I really don’t care anymore! They’re probably not gonna let us back into the theatre! We always get blamed for these disturbances!”

Cassandra bragged, “I can do a cartwheel!”

“Good! Go somewhere else and do that!” Sally rubbed her temples in frustration.

“Whew! We’re getting close to the stables! And, based on the smell, it seems like we have a lot of work ahead of us!” I pinched my nose in disgust.

Luke kidded, “This quest really stinks!”

I tittered, but Beck, Sam, and Sally groaned. Sally complained, “Can this trip be any more annoying?”

“You’re doing great, son!” a half-man, half-goat creature encouraged a smaller version of himself as he tried to play some panpipes.

“Ugh! Why did I ask?” Sally covered her ears.

Beck pointed to a large building behind the goat duo and assessed, “That looks like the stables!”

Sally, with her ears still covered, questioned him, “What?”

When we got closer to the building, we could hear slight whinnying, and I remarked, “Wait, the stables belong to actual horses? I really expected to deal with some ferocious animals that’d give us a real hassle!” When we peeked inside, we espied six winged stallions thrashing around rather manically! They each had a gilded chain attached to one of their hind legs, but other than that small tether, they had a fairly wide range of movement! “Oh, okay! This makes more sense!” I huffed.

“Ooh! Can I pet the pretty ponies?” Cassandra requested.

“Uh, I wouldn’t!” Beck recommended.

Cassandra canvassed Beck, “Can I play in that water then?” She indicated to a basin with a waterwheel above it and a piping system that led to each stall.

Beck agreed, “I guess so!”

“Dang! They diverted a river to feed into their troughs! How ingenious!” Sam complimented the irrigation system.

“I found some shovels!” Luke declared.

Sam snapped out of the reverie he developed as he stared at the contraption, “Huh? Oh, right! We have to clean up after the… Why are they so angry?”

The winged horses continued their thrashing, and I mumbled, “Oh, this’ll be fun!” I grabbed a shovel and tentatively headed to the first horse, but I couldn’t get anywhere near the section that needed to get cleaned out. “This task is impossible!”

“Maybe it just needs a distraction,” Sally suggested. She grabbed a package of candy-coated chocolates out of Beck’s pocket. She then held some out on her palm, and the colt curiously sniffed the morsels. It decided to try it, and as it delightfully munched on them, Sally verbalized, “You’re easy to tame! You must be a male!”

“Isn’t it bad for them to eat that?” Beck pondered.

Sally gestured in a fashion that indicated a lack of insight on that subject. “We only have to clean the stables once!”

I went as far from the horse as possible, and I found an enormous pile of excrement in the corner. I began shovelling it into the aisle, and Luke used another shovel to heave the waste outside. After a minute or so of doing this, I denoted, “You know, this isn’t so bad!”

The winged horse began vomiting, and Beck determined, “Yikes! I guess ven winged horses can’t handle chocolate!”

I chucked the shovel out of aggravation and exclaimed, “This is ridiculous! We’re never gonna get this place cleaned! And, if we do make it home, I’m gonna have to wash these shoes before work!” I glanced at my footwear in disgust.

“You can take a bath in here!” Cassandra propositioned as she splashed around.

“That’s it!” Sam asserted. We glimpsed at him in surprise, and he elucidated, “Not what she said! If we break their watering mechanism, we can release the river, which would flush out the refuse!”

I inquired, “Isn’t that cheating?”

Sam replied, “Technically, we weren’t given any rules! The oracle said it had to be clean, not structurally sound!” 

“Alright, that makes sense!” I conceded to his argument. “Okay, let’s do this before anyone catches us and tries to put a stop to what we’re doing!”

“Boy, if I had a nickel for every time I said that…!” Sally commented.

We gathered by the irrigation system, and Luke used his shovel to bash the piping. Eventually, it burst open, and once again, we got soaked during a paranormal gig! “We probably should’ve stood somewhere else when we started doing this!” Beck broadcasted.

Cassandra gleefully yelled, “Wheee!” We watched her flow with the water as it flowed through the stables. It was kind of amusing until…

A large, furry pig with tusks came out on top of the water wheel! It squealed as it swam along the newly formed spring, and Luke asked, “Is that the Erymanthian Boar?”

“Nah! That was third on the list,” I answered.

“Noooo!” the goat-man cried out. “Someone released the Erymanthian Boar!”

We watched the boar run up the hill, and I rued this loss, “Crap!”

Cassandra hollered, “I heard that!” 

“Oh, you’re still alive?” Sally impassively uttered. We ogled at her in a slight startlement, and she defended herself, “What? I don’t actually want this annoying kid to kick the bucket!”

“Who’s in there?” the goat-man growled. We quickly scattered preceding a confrontation with him.

Further up the slope, Cassandra begged Beck, “Can I have some candy?”

Beck refused, “No way, dude! You’ve clearly had too much tonight!”

“Nuh-uh! I didn’t have any dessert today!” Cassandra disagreed.

“You definitely had sugar!” Beck quarreled.

Cassandra admitted, “Well, I drank my babysitter’s soda while she was kissing her boyfriend…”

I commentated, “That explains a lot!”

A grove of fruit trees came into view, and we became relieved to get this unpleasantness out of the way. Sally descried, “Oh, thank god! Now, we just gotta find the His Herpes D Apple!”

“That’s Hesperides,” Luke corrected her.

“Lovely! Since you made that connotation, now I don’t want to touch it!” Sam shuddered.

Luke assured him, “You’ll be fine! From what I remember, it’s a beautiful, golden fruit! Of course, nothing else in this land has followed much of the mythical text, so maybe it’ll be… spoiled…”

Sam shared his sentiments, “A lot of this world that Halorykta created doesn’t follow sound logic! For instance, it was night when we started, but the entire trek has been illuminated by sunshine! Why?”

“All the better to see you with, my dear!” a lady in a significantly revealing toga emerged from behind a tree and suggestively grinned at Sam.

“What? That line’s not even from a story originating in this era!” Sam grumped.

Another risque-clad lady emerged and posed to Sam, “What is that device with numbers in your pocket? Does it do calculations?”

Sam instantly perked up. “You like math?”

“I studied under Archimedes!” the second lady revealed. “I can figure out the volume of a sphere now!” 

“Great Scot! I think I’m in love!” Sam cooed.

Luke warned him, “Careful, Sam! Those are nymphs! They’re trying to trick you! Listen to me, I’m a teacher!”

The first nymph smoothly strolled up to Luke and beseeched, “You’re an educator? I’m not that smart, can you teach me something?”

“Uh, no thanks!” Luke politely turned her away. He seemed very flattered by this interaction, though, so I couldn’t help but stare daggers in that direction. Luke caught sight of this and defensively spoke to me, “What? I told her no!” 

“There’s a golden apple!” Sally indicated to a tree ahead of us. The first nymph attempted to seduce Beck, and Sally rolled her eyes. “It’s a good thing there are women on this mission!” She marched towards the tree, and suddenly, something hopped out of the branches and blocked her path…

New Trouble, Chapter 27

Mister Macquire stomped over to the front desk and accosted me, “How dare you!”

“I was just checking my answers for this crossword!” I defended myself as I shut my word puzzle book. “What? Does it look bad to prospective clients if I look at the back?”

“You disobeyed a direct order!” Mister Macquire growled. 

I puzzled, “What order?”

He shouted, “What order? I told you to pick up my dry cleaning at eleven!”

“No, you didn’t!” I calmly argued with him.

“I said it as soon as I came in!” Mister Macquire insisted.

As respectfully as I could, I reminded him, “No, you didn’t! You told me not to interrupt you unless there was a fire, and then you barricaded yourself into your office.”

He wanted to push back against that, but it slowly dawned on him that I was telling the truth. “Oh… right… I meant to mention it to you because I need that suit jacket for a meeting at one…”

“Would you like me to get it for you?” I offered.

“Yes, please! Hurry!” He grabbed a sticky note, scribbled down an address, and handed it to me. “Thank you!”

I glanced at the address with wide eyes. “Sir, this dry cleaner is on the other side of town!”

Mister Macquire gazed at me quizzically. “Yeah, so?”

“I don’t have a car, I won’t make it in time!” I let him know.

“Seriously?” He clicked his tongue in annoyance. “Alright, fine! Since it’s a fashion emergency, I’ll spring for a cab.”

That prospect daunted me slightly. “You’re getting me a cab?”

As he flipped through the phone book, he confirmed, “Yeah! Do you have a better way to get this done on time?”

I bit my lip while he spoke to the taxi service Luke worked for. After realizing how deep my feelings for him ran, I was hoping to avoid being alone with him because I didn’t feel like I could resist temptation! What if our relationship didn’t work out, and Kitty started to resent me? I wouldn’t get to hear her wisdom or sage advice again! Oh, and the world could have ended if Halorykta happened to summon us when we’re together! Becoming his romantic partner would make my whole world fall apart in every sense of that phrase!

“Okay, Luke isn’t the only driver in Adonis Shores!” I reassured myself. “It’s a big city, and there are probably dozens of people who work for this company! Besides, I think school is in session, so he is probably still working at his other job! I’m probably worrying over nothing!” I opened the passenger door, and…

“Hey there! Finally, a passenger who won’t drive me crazy!” Luke kidded as I went inside.

I cringed at my misfortune. It would be even harder to resist him sitting so close- why didn’t I go into the back like a normal fare? I resolved to do my best to avoid any amorous situations, and I plastered a smile onto my face as I retorted, “I still might! Don’t tempt me!” Luke tittered, and as he headed out, I queried, “You didn’t ditch a job you love to do one you hate, did you?”

Luke chuckled, and then he explained, “No! The school gets out early during Homecoming week so everyone can go to a pep rally or whatever. I think today is a fundraiser craft fair. It pains me not to go and support my students, but I wanted to start this gig early so I could have tonight off.”

“Why? What’s happening tonight?” I wondered.

“My uncle got tickets to a sneak preview of this sci-fi movie coming out on Friday, and I was hoping you’d join me,” he relayed to me.

I wanted to scream, and I couldn’t tell if it was from pain or pleasure! A part of me was thrilled to get asked out by him, but the more logical part was terrified of being alone with him in a dark theatre! I wasn’t sure how to tell him no, so I just spouted, “Oh, fun! But, I… I couldn’t see something like that without Sam! He’s a junkie for that sort of stuff!”

Almost wanting to close my eyes, I dreaded seeing his response to my refusal. He was the last person I wanted to hurt, and I really didn’t want to see his sad face after I did that! To my surprise, he didn’t seem the least bit shocked by my rejection! He informed me, “I have five tickets actually! He was gonna take his wife and kids, but my aunt didn’t want them to see something rated PG-13. I think the eleven-year-old could’ve handled it, but I’m not sure about the preschooler…”

“Probably not!” I laughed with immense alleviation. If my besties were going to be there, then it wasn’t a real date, and I didn’t have to carry the guilt of evoking the apocalypse due to the poor decisions I made in my love life!

“Why do you look so relieved?” Luke asked me.

I kicked myself for not maintaining a better poker face! I was sure I would have to bring up the possibility of him being the key at some point, but it didn’t seem like the most opportune juncture in the ride my boss paid for! I’m not even sure how I would have explained how I got left stranded to him! So, I casually answered him, “Are you kidding? If I went to a film he planned on camping overnight just to get to see, and he couldn’t go…”

Luke nodded in comprehension. “I get that! You guys sound really close!”

“Oh, totally! We’ve been best friends for over twenty years, so they’re basically like family!” I mulled that over for a moment, and then I corrected myself, “No, they’re a little better than family! I hardly ever hear from my dad, and my mom is… Well, I’d call her insane, but that would be an insult to insane people everywhere!”

“What about your grandmother? The one you got the Hecate house from?” Luke posed to me.

I recalled, “Towards the end, no. She mostly just paced in her room and spoke in Greek. My cousin said it was mostly swear words, too! When I was a kid, I adored her! She used to tell all kinds of fantastic stories! Hmm, I don’t know why she didn’t mention anything about Hecate’s connection to ancient monsters…”

Luke theorized, “Maybe she didn’t know!”

“Hmm…” I contemplated that for a spell, and then I concluded, “No, ‘cause when I got the house, Doug said she was persistent about it staying in the family! Gosh, I should’ve delved into that when we saw him recently! I got distracted by all the spooky things that tried to kill us!” Luke suddenly stopped the car, so I inquired, “Is something wrong?”

“We’re at the dry cleaner’s,” Luke replied as he indicated to the posh storefront.

I giggled at the fact that I forgot what I was doing for a minute! Luke shared my mirth, and when we fell silent again, we locked eyes, which sparked some electricity between us. Luke got this hardened expression that suggested he wanted to kiss me, and I wanted to let him, but then I caught sight of the clock on his radio… “Oh, crap! I’d better hurry or Mister Macquire will have a cow!” I ran out before I got enticed any further!

Once I retrieved Mister Macquire’s garment, I parked myself in the back seat. Luke propositioned, “You can hang it on the coat hook…”

“Oh, no! Mister Macquire is very particular, and I’d rather stay here and babysit it than risk receiving his wrath!” I thought it was a lame excuse, but it was all I could come up with. I couldn’t sit next to Luke again- obviously, I didn’t have the willpower to turn him down, so I had to remove myself from the potentially precarious situation altogether. It was a bit awkward to travel with him like that, but it had to be done…

“I can’t believe we’re seeing Celestial Battles!” Sam raved as we entered into the movie theatre. “These tickets are impossible to get! How in the heck did you nab them?”

Luke filled him in, “My uncle does accounting work for Supernova Cinema. If you ever need a hookup, just let me know!”

Sally got excited about that, but Beck apprised her, “He’s not talking about that kind of hookup!” He paused and then added, “Are you, Luke?”

“It’s about to start!” Sam brought to our attention.

“This is the sequel… Do you have to know what happened in the other one to know what’s going on?” Sally petitioned Sam.

Without peeling his eyes from the screen, Sam assured her, “Nah! You’ll be fine!”

As soon as it started, it showed a group of individuals in futuristic uniforms trying to stabilize their spaceship amid smoke and flashing lights. The dashing male captain denoted, “Zorda found out about our quest to save the Gypsial!”

“What does that mean?” Sally whispered to Sam.

“Shh!” he shushed her as he remained deeply engrossed in the action.

Beck took off his coat and revealed a plethora of snacks that he snuck in. “Popcorn, anyone?”

I took a small bag, but I had a difficult time opening it. I tugged pretty vigorously, and eventually, I used enough force that I elbowed Luke fairly hard! “I’m so sorry!” I apologized profusely.

“It’s alright!” Luke winced as he rubbed his collarbone. I grew very concerned, but he consoled me, “I’m fine! I think the cross fell off of my grandpa’s necklace. I can’t find it in the dark…”

“Let me help!” I grabbed the flashlight that I sometimes used at the Hecate House and scanned his body. I spotted it near his pants zipper, and I told him, “I’ll let you pick that up!”

Luke joked, “Oh, come on!”

We both chortled, and then I realized just how close I leaned in to him during the search. I got that same romantic vibe that I felt in the taxi… I scolded myself for sitting so close to him again, and in a dimly lit space! What did I think was going to happen? I intended to pull myself away, but I couldn’t! My heart beat wildly, and I felt a certain warmth envelope my senses. He gently stroked my hair, and that did it- that sealed the deal. I wanted to be his, and as his face came closer to mine, nothing was going to stop my lips from interlocking with his…

Or, maybe something was going to stop me! A giant crash echoed into he theatre, and Beck exclaimed, “Whoa! The sound system here is dope!”

“That came from outside,” Sally observed. “You don’t think…?”

“Maybe it was just a car crash,” I crossed my fingers for that to be the case.

Sam barked, “Quiet! You made me miss the attack plan!”

I rolled my eyes at him. “Oh, don’t act like you’re not ever gonna see this again! You’re gonna watch it a million times when it comes out on video!”

“Quit it!” Sam irritably requested. “I’m not missing this!”

“Oh my god!” An usher came into the room panting. “An enormous mountain took over the parking lot! Can anyone help me find my car? My dad’s gonna kill me if I don’t bring it home!”

Sam profoundly groaned, “Noooooo!”

The usher presumed that Sam was reacting to his own misfortune, “I know! It’s so bogus!”

“Maybe it’ll be nothing, and we can return to the movie right away!” Luke attempted to assuage Sam’s spirits.

“I can’t wait for the day when weird things happen and we don’t gotta get involved!” Sally muttered as we vacated our seats.

When we went outside, we saw a giant, craggy hill with a long staircase leading up to a temple at the top, and Beck verbalized, “So… This wasn’t always there, right?”

Luke conveyed to us, “It looks like Mount Olympus!”

“So, it’s grounds for the gods?” Sam inferred. “That doesn’t sound particularly perilous!”

“Oh, come on, Sam! You know Halorykta wouldn’t put it here if it were anything beneficial to us!” Sally commented.

Luke asserted, “Well, it probably has one thing in common with the real Mount Olympus- mortals aren’t welcomed!”

I jested, “Do you imagine there’s an escalator on the other side?” No one found my quip amusing, so I sighed, “Alright! Let’s go see what’s waiting for us up there!”

New Trouble, Chapter 26

“Okay! That should do it!” I declared as I checked out my reflection in the window of my apartment lobby. I fell into a pile of mud on the way back from feeding Scully at the Hecate House, and I didn’t want to get in trouble for making the clean floor dirty. It looked like I got most of it out, and I was sure I’d get some funny looks from any neighbors who happened to pass by, but I was getting used to that sort of treatment thanks to Halorykta’s monsters…

My heart fluttered when I heard Luke’s voice behind me joke, “Didn’t Sally warn you not to wear white while this supernatural saga is going on?”

I turned around, and it was hard not to melt a little as he grinned at me from inside of his cab. He looked so dashing in his dress shirt, and I flattered myself to think he made himself appear more handsome just to impress me. I smiled at him as I articulated, “Yes, well, I didn’t have much else to wear! I planned to do laundry yesterday, but there was another incident…”

“Darn it! Did I miss some excitement?” Luke surmised.

“Well, if it makes you feel any better, so did Beck’s girlfriend,” I conversed. “She was in the bathroom the whole time trying to get some stains from her monthly visitor out- she had no idea anything out of the ordinary occurred! Although she was a little confused why we all rushed out of KD Nickels so quickly like that…”

Luke apologized, “Sorry I wasn’t there! You know I’d rather fight monsters than do this job!”

I queried, “Was it really rough last night?”

“Yeah! I had to explain several times why I couldn’t drive my car into the bay to sneak this dude onto a cruise ship already sailing by!” Luke shuddered at that recent memory. “Everyone seems to have assumed I have all these magical powers ever since this whole mythical beast stuff started!”

“I know what you mean!” I sympathized with him. “In the movies, people adore the heroes who spare their city from danger! Not here, though! They act like we’re enjoying this! Man,  I never imagined saving the world would be so annoying!”

Luke tittered, and then he got more serious as he notified me, “Hey, I’ve got a question for you…”

My pulse raced- from his tone, I could tell he was going to ask me out! All I wanted to do in that moment was throw myself into his arms, so I was ready to accept his offer… Unfortunately, the old lady with a walker that I saw right after we stole her ride to flee from our first monster came out and greeted him, “Oh, good! You’re here! Last time I went to therapy, I had to go with a rude fella who wouldn’t let me talk! That reminds me of a time in forty-three when…”

I waved goodbye to Luke as he assisted Missus Houston into the vehicle. He looked rather despondent about not finishing our interaction, and admittedly, I was too! Or, at least I was until I went into Artemis Arms… Once again, I forgot that Luke not only may have been the key to Pandora’s Box, but he was my favorite hairdresser’s son! I didn’t want to lose out on the one corner of positivity in a place growing increasingly negative towards me, and… Well, I didn’t want humanity to get obliterated, of course! It seemed like his client emerging onto the scene at that precise juncture was really fate intervening and sparing me from the consequences of a bad decision…

Before I went upstairs, I went to my mailbox. There was a large envelope curled up in there, and no matter what I did, I just couldn’t get it out! At one point, I yanked hard enough that I almost knocked myself off of my feet! I was frustrated until a man approached me and kindly addressed me, “That happened to me once! May I?”

After I gestured in a manner that conveyed my permission to go into my mailbox, he rolled up the envelope in a specific fashion that caused it to glide out of the slot quite effortlessly! When he handed it to me, I noticed that he was kind of cute, so I blushed a bit as I graciously regarded him, “Thanks! Gosh, you made it look so easy!”

“It’s always easy after you’ve learned the hard way!” he knowledgably cited. I nodded vigorously in agreement, and then he observed, “Oh, it’s from a portrait studio! Did you and your boyfriend get your picture taken together?”

“I don’t have a boyfriend! This is simply a headshot!” I pulled it out, and I had forgotten that the only shot I got done was the angry one. “Oh! I need to get this redone!”

The man studied the photo with a frown. “It doesn’t look that… I mean, it…” He caught sight of the mud stains on my skirt, and he went with a different tactic: “It looks like you’ve had a rough couple of days!”

I concurred with that assessment, “That’s for sure!”

“You could probably use a little fun! Why don’t I take you out to dinner tonight?” he invited me.

“Oh! Well, I appreciate the offer, but I think tonight I just wanna have a quiet night at home!” I responded automatically. I was shocked at the words that poured out of my mouth- he was pretty attractive, so why would I say no?

The man appeared somewhat hurt by my decline, but he empathized with my objection, “I get it! Listen, whenever you’re up for it, my name is Perry, and I’m in Unit Two-One-Oh!” 

I appreciatively verbalized, “Sounds great, Perry! Thanks!”

As I watched him disappear into the elevator, I still couldn’t believe I told him no! He was handsome, kind, and willing to overlook my dorky tendencies, so it made no sense that I didn’t want to give this striking man a shot! It was true that things had gotten so hectic lately that I could’ve really used a restful evening alone, but a minute ago, I was very much eager to get asked out! I pondered what the sudden change of mind was until…

Glancing at Luke as his fare finally got herself situated, I realized what impulsed my decision was a feeling of guilt, as if I would’ve been disloyal to Luke to see anyone else, and I buried my head in my hands. A crush on a boy I couldn’t have was one thing, but for me to have formed such an allegiance to him meant my feelings for him were much deeper than a mere infatuation! I could tell I was getting gawked at by passersby as I stood there in the lobby looking so stressed, but I didn’t care that much! I was freaking out because it finally registered to me that I was falling for Luke!

I watched a cheery sitcom in my living room as I wore my pajamas and a messy bun while eating a pint of ice cream, but I was hardly paying attention to what I was doing. I felt like I was in such a daze while my brain furiously strove to absorb this development. I didn’t know what to do, so I supposed the best course of action was to do nothing. My focus returned to reality when the sitcom reached a romantic scene- I didn’t want to see a happy couple coming together, so I turned the channel. I let it stay on a station that was playing a classic cartoon’s Halloween special, and I felt like I was probably the only one getting teary-eyed at their antics!

The phone rang, and I saw on the Caller ID that it was my mom. “Nope! Not tonight!” I decreed as I dug into my dessert. I munched on a morsel, and then I reconsidered the concept, “Well, maybe I should chat with her. Halorykta hasn’t summoned us for a long time, and I’d hate for her to do it during our…” As if on cue, a crystal manifested above my head, and I bemoaned, “Damn! Too late!”

When I arrived in Halorykta’s lair, I observed that Beck was wearing a towel, Sally was in her Paymart uniform, and Sam was in an old-fashioned sailor’s suit. Sam explained himself, “I was trying on a costume for a work function!”

“I was planning to dress up tonight too!” Sally remarked.

“Going to a party?” Beck guessed.

Sally’s visage contorted into a mischievous expression. “No!” She glanced at my disheveled appearance, and then she probed, “What’s wrong?”

For once, I was glad that Halorykta interrupted us! She combed her long hair nonchalantly and canvassed us, “So, how are you holding up?”

“Well, I tied it into a knot in the back here.” Beck gestured to his rear.

“I was referring to the monsters!” Halorykta corrected his misimpression. Her crow gazed at her longingly, and she spouted, “No! I can’t brush you! I’ll ruin your pretty feathers!”

Folding my arms impatiently, I demanded, “Can you stop talking to your bird and start talking to us about whatever you imagine is gonna convince us to destroy the world?”

Continuing to brush her lengthy mane, Halorykta glared at me. “Excuse me! I am a powerful goddess, and I will not get bossed around by mortals!” She paused, and then she added, “I will tell you why I brought you here, but not because you told me to- I planned on disclosing some information to you anyways!”

“Couldn’t you have put it in a letter? Or perhaps an email?” Sam pressed her. “I have an email address as well…”

“Does it look like I have a computer down here?” Halorykta snapped.

Sam scoffed, “You can send powerful monsters to Earth, but you can’t use your powers to send an electronic message?” 

Halorykta gritted her teeth, and then she regained her composure as she relayed to us, “I brought you here to tell you your fate!”

“You’re a fortune teller? Ooh! Who am I gonna marry?” Sally pestered her.

“I was talking about the future of humanity,” Halorykta clarified.

Beck inquired, “Is Clinton gonna win reelection?”

Halorykta replied, “I have no idea! It really doesn’t matter anyway!”

“If it didn’t matter, we wouldn’t bother to have elections!” Beck pointed out.

“I’m talking about the future of humanity as a whole! Not these trivial bickerings your leaders get into!” Halorykta roared. The crow gently pecked her as if it was trying to urge her to do something, and she hollered at it, “Can’t you groom yourself?”

I posed to her, “If you can’t get into specifics, then what could you possibly tell us that would entice us to actually hand over the key to Pandora’s Box?”

Halorykta filled us in, “As the Goddess of Salt, I know the status of your planet’s oceans. I can sense them getting warmer, which means the entire globe is warming up! That kind of atmospheric change will lead to an increased amount of disasters like hurricanes and floods! It’ll get worse and worse, and soon, widespread disease and famine will arise! Homes will become uninhabitable, and you won’t even be able to have a cocktail to diffuse the stress that this turmoil will bring!”

“What about cannabis? It won’t get too warm to grow that, will it?” Beck fretted.

“So, telling us what opening Pandora’s Box will do is supposed to convince us to give you the key?” Sally retorted.

Halorykta let us know, “No! This is what will happen without my interference! Humanity is on its way to extinction regardless of what you do, so why prolong your suffering? Why not get it over with?”

Sam argued, “The effects of Global Warming can be reversed through intervention on certain environmental malpractices, though!”

“Good luck finding politicians who will actually enforce better regulations!” Halorykta shot back.

“See! I told you this election is important!” Beck commented.

Sally affirmed, “We’re not giving you the key! It’s staying safe with us, whatever it is…”

I shifted guiltily at that last statement. I strongly suspected that my hunch about Luke being the key was correct, but I didn’t know how safe he was in my hands! He kept getting involved with fighting dangerous creatures, and if I allowed myself to get involved with him, it would only put him in further peril! Halorykta picked up on my discomfort, and she targeted me, “You figured it out, didn’t you? Surely, you must know how much safer it would be out of mortal guardianship…”

“What would you do with it after Pandora’s Box is opened?” I challenged her.

“Well, I…” It was Halorykta’s turn to shift guiltily.

I edicted, “You haven’t presented us with any logical reason to assist you, so we’re done here!”

Halorykta looked like she had more convincing she aimed to try, but the crow began cawing in her face, so she reluctantly conceded, “Fine! But, remember this- I have yet to unleash my greatest threats onto you!”

“Really? Why wouldn’t you lead with your strongest suit?” Sam puzzled.

“Get out!” Halorykta aimed her enchantments at us, and we were whisked out of her cavern palace.

When I arrived back in my apartment, I saw that my ice cream had melted, and my mom had left several messages on the answering machine. As I contemplated all that happened and all that would likely happen, I sighed and decided, “I’m going to bed!”

New Trouble, Chapter 25

“So, our next challenge is to survive a giant litter box?” Beck guessed as we beheld the myriad of dunes that replaced most of Ladies’ Petites.

“That’s a desert,” Sam pointed out to him.

Beck cocked his head as he studied the terrain. “Mmm… It looks more like a cat buried its treasure in the sand!”

Sally kidded, “I don’t wanna meet the cat big enough to bury poop that size!”

“Alright, what’s our obstacle here?” I petitioned my besties. “I mean, those hills don’t look fun to climb, but I don’t think those skeletons are that dumb!”

“They might be!” Sam disputed my statement. “They don’t appear to have any other organs, so why would they have brains?”

I bit my lip in concern. “I wish there was a way we could find out what trap is waiting for us before we set foot in this territory!”

Beck sagely stated, “If surfing’s taught me anything, it’s that you can’t properly gauge the water ‘til you dive in! Cowabunga!”

He ran into the sand, and we all watched with bated breath as we waited to see what exactly we’d have to rescue him from. Beck made it halfway up when a giant, white worm popped out of the ground! It had a circular mouth full of sharp teeth, and when it spotted Beck, it dived head-first in his direction! Thankfully, Beck was able to flee and caught his breath on a fashion display outside of the sandy perimeter. “Sandworms! You’re welcome!” Beck breathily communicated.

“Sandworms? Great!” I emitted an exasperated exhale, and then I asked, “How in the heck do we get rid of that?”

“In eighty-four, they had a movie with a similar monster,” Sam recalled. “I believe they killed it with volatile chemicals in the water. Possibly, electricity was involved, too. It’s been a while since I watched it!”

I questioned him, “How do we kill it in real life?” 

Sam’s face soured. “I’m still not convinced that this is real life!”

“What we need is a decoy, something to distract the thing while we make a run for it,” Sally recommended. “Where’s that bitch who kicked us out of the library? No, I haven’t gotten over that yet!”

“No, no! We’re not doing any human sacrifices!” I glanced at what Beck was leaning on, and an idea hit me. “But, maybe we can distract it…”

I picked up the mannequin, and I was ready to throw it, but then I reconsidered that decision, “Maybe someone with better aim should do this…”

Sally took the mannequin, and we prepared ourselves to race up the dune. She hurled it towards the opposite side of our intended path, and thankfully, it took the bait! We hurried up the hill, but we could hear it coming our way again shortly after we reached that marker! We hustled as swiftly as we could, but, like every horror movie heroine in distress, I tripped! That wound up working out though because I rolled down the dune faster than I could ever move on my own two feet! The others followed suit, and…

“Ow!” The second skeleton nursed its leg when we crashed into its shins.

“What do you mean, ow?” Sam vehemently reacted. “You don’t even have any nerve endings!”

The skeleton and its desert disappeared, and Sally griped, “I’ve got sand in my panties!”

Beck glimpsed at her in surprise. “Huh! I didn’t think you were the type to wear any underwear!”

“Oh, good! My section was restored!” the library worker observed. “Where’s that mannequin? It was wearing the last of a specific sweater I wanted…”

“Can I tell her?” Sally beseeched me.

I decreed, “No! It’s bad enough we’ve gotta fight those stupid skeletons, we don’t need any more battles! Let’s go find the last jerk-ass monster!” Sally sulked slightly as we headed onto the next terrain.

We rested by the makeup counter, and Beck theorized, “Maybe there isn’t a third terrain- maybe they wanna have us survive a million laps around KD Nickels!” At that moment, the escalators behind us morphed into a steep, rocky mountain, and Beck changed his tune, “I’d rather go back to walking!”

“What kind of monster will we face here?” I speculated. “Maybe it’s a troll! Or some sort of abominable snowman! Of course, none of those things would top a sandworm! Oh gosh, I dread to picture what we’ll see!” Suddenly, a mountain goat appeared, and I became slightly dismayed. “That’s it? It doesn’t breathe fire or anything?”

“Well, it’s snowing, and none of us are really wearing the right shoes for that!” Sally responded. I didn’t really seem satisfied with that explanation, so Sally pressed me, “What? Are you complaining that it isn’t a harder challenge?”

I articulated, “Kinda! It’s so anti-climactic that it seems suspicious!” I glanced at the third skeleton at the top, and it remained neutral, so I didn’t gain any clues from it. I sighed, and then I directed them, “Alright, let’s see what happens!”

At first, everything seemed normal. The surface was a bit slick, but the rocks were big enough that my friends weren’t worried about my balance for once. Everything was going smoothly until the goat bleated and got a strange look on its face… We froze in anticipation of what action it might take against us, and we expected something really unordinary to occur… Instead, the goat hopped down and attempted to stomp on Sally’s fingers! “Hey! What did I do?” she canvassed the goat.

It targeted Sam next, but when it saw me continuing to climb, it charged over to me. I held out my hand to block it, and it bit me! “Ouch!” I cried out. It butted me, and I had no choice but to seek refuge at a lower level. “Okay, maybe this is worse than the sandworm!”

“Ugh! You are really annoying!” Sally exclaimed as it picked on her again.

“It can’t be that hard to defeat a freakin’ goat!” Beck expressed in exasperation as it hopped around between us. 

Sam disagreed, “It’s a fairly arduous task when we have to use all of our extremities to keep ourselves stable on this slope! Speaking of which, slope is a fascinating mathematical subject! You see, you-!”

Sally cut him off, “Not now! Actually, not ever!”

“Aha!” I grabbed the goat by its hind legs. “If you thought you could outsmart us, you…” It wriggled around enough that I was beginning to lose my footing. “Damn it! I will not get bested by something with a brain the size of an orange!” 

“We’ve gotcha!” Sally assured me as she and Sam held onto me to keep me steady.

Sam brought up, “Yes, but how are we going to reach the summit like this?”

I noticed that Beck was free, so I instructed him, “Go up there and find something that’ll help, like a rope or something.”

“I’m on it!’ Beck readily volunteered.

“What does this goat eat to get so much energy?’ I wondered as we waited.

Beck took longer than we predicted, and it grew slightly awkward to hang off of the cliff with the goat’s posterior in our faces. We stood there in silence for a spell, and then Sam conversed, “So, slope measures the steepness of a line, and that’s helpful for a number of-!”

To our relief, Beck leaned over the edge and proclaimed, “I’ve got your rope!” He lowered a chain of bras that were tied together in a continual chain, and when we gave him a particular look, he justified himself, “There’s nothing else up here but Lingerie, Kids’ Wear, and Home Goods! Don’t worry, I got some of these to distract it!” He held up a packet of panties proudly.

The three of us remained skeptical of his plan, but we gave it a shot since we had nothing else. We released the goat, and as we ascended the incline, the goat was ready to resume its assault on us. Beck used the elastic of the underwear to shoot a projectile at the goat, and surprisingly, it was effective! As we got close to the top, I remarked, “Man, these things are strong! What brand is this?”

When we got to the upper level, the third skeleton disappeared. We didn’t see where it or its counterparts went to- all we saw was a man in an apron standing in front of the sample-sized cups of soda, so we approached him. I inquired, “Excuse me! I have a weird question for you… Have you seen three giant skeleton warriors walking around this area?”

“No,” he replied. “But, I have a question for you: do you enjoy soft drinks?”

“Sorry, we’re busy right now,” I told him.

The salesman went on with his pitch as if he didn’t hear what I just said, “Because the DrinkMore Corporation has the investment of a lifetime! Imagine the money you’ll save from never having to buy another bottle or can of soda pop again! You’ll make more room in the recycling bin, too!”

At that instance, the three skeletons reappeared, and the middle one leered, “Are you looking for us?”

“Better yet, are you looking for a fantastic way to save money?” the salesman appealed to the skeletons.

“Congratulations on surviving! It will be an honor dueling with you all!” The middle skeleton withdrew its sword. 

Beck objected, “Hold on! We don’t have any weapons!”

The skeleton maniacally laughed, “Ha! You should have thought of that preceding this combative encounter!”

“But, this wasn’t our idea!” Beck protested. “You showed up in our lives!”

“Best of luck to you!” the skeleton bade us prior to them advancing on us.

The four of us scattered in different directions: Sally darted into the Home Goods aisle, Sam retreated towards some women’s pajamas, Beck scurried to the bedding, and I grabbed a frying pan from a nearby stand and used it to shield myself. One chased Beck, another pursued Sam, and the main one attacked me. Beck put some distance between himself and the skeleton with a brass bed, and Sam ducked under a large rack. As I fended off my skeleton, Sally reemerged with four large blades and declared, “I have knives!”

Sam quizzed her, “How’s that gonna help? They don’t have any flesh!”

Sally stabbed the skeleton trying to harm Beck, but the blade broke. It began hunting her down, and Sally asserted, “There must be some method of doing them in!”

“Clearly, conventional methods aren’t gonna work!” I discerned. “We’re gonna have to try something different!”

“How about trying a soda fountain in your home?” the salesman suggested. “Here! Drink this and tell me you don’t want it all the time!”

He handed me a cup, and I clicked my tongue in annoyance. “We don’t want your useless soda!” I tossed the cup over my shoulder, and to my shock, the skeleton yelled in pain! I swiveled around and saw that the liquid burned a hole in its arm! “I take it back- we need this thing!” 

The salesman grinned. “Excellent! Just take this tag up to the nearest cash register, and-!”

I pushed him out of the way, and I aimed the closest tap at the skeleton, which caused the skeleton to disintegrate in front of my eyes! I grabbed a pitcher, and I hurled its contents at the skeleton by Sam. Once it was taken care of, Beck filled a jug up for the skeleton hassling Sally. He sped over to Sally, but that skeleton snatched the jug from him! “Ha!” it called out in a premature victory. The jerking motion caused soda to spill on it, and it grew rather despondent at this development. “Oh no!”

Once the final skeleton disappeared, the store returned to its previous state. Before we could react to this finale, two security guards arrived from the newly reinstalled escalators. One of them pointed to us and interrogated, “You guys again? What are you doing here?”

“They’re enjoying the delicious beverages straight from the fountain that will keep serving you refreshments that are easy on the palate!” the salesman spouted to them. As they ogled him from the startlement of him selling to them at the most inopportune juncture, my friends and I vacated from the vicinity to avoid hearing another undeserved lecture from folks who had no idea how close they came to being in mortal peril! 

New Trouble, Chapter 24

In front of a mystical backdrop, a man in a warlock costume beseeched, “Come on, Cher! Smile for the camera! You promised!” Cher, who was a golden retriever in a witch’s hat, stared off into the distance, thoroughly nonplussed with the entire situation.

“Cher better hurry up! I wanna get this over with!” I huffed as I readjusted the hat on top of my blonde wig.

“Oh, come on! This photo shoot is gonna be fun! Lighten up!” Belle urged us.

Sam, who wore long, brown locks and sunglasses, stated, “We didn’t come to KD Nickels to get our portraits done- we’re getting dinner afterwards at Petrillo’s Pizza because Ms. Adams has a substantial discount there.”

Belle wondered, “Why? Is Paymart connected to them?”

“Sorta,” Sally, who wore a short, red hairpiece with a giant, black bow, responded, “I met the manager there. He’s giving me a lot off the price because I gave him a lot of-!”

“Don’t make me lose my appetite!” Beck, who donned a black do fashioned a lot like a rockstar, appealed to Sally.

Belle’s eyes flickered between us in confusion. “So, if none of you came for pictures, then why are you here?”

Sam explained, “Ms. Alexander wants a headshot in case they decide to film a certain television series here.”

“Who’s Ms. Alexander?” Belle questioned. I raised my hand, and Belle questioned us further, “Oh, I never knew that was your last name! So, if you’re the only one getting photographed, why did you all buy wigs?”

“They’re Sal… I mean, Ms. Adams’” Beck let her know.

Sally conversed, “I have matching costumes, but Mister Gellar said it’d be overkill.”

Belle interrogated us, “Why are you referring to each other by your last names like that?”

“Why? Is that strange to you?” I riposted.

“Don’t look now, but there’s that bitch who kicked us out of the library!” Sally warned us.

Everybody but Belle hung their heads low as she passed by with a cart full of clothes. Belle became more befuddled than ever, and she pressed us, “Why are you acting so secretive? The different names, the disguises… It’s like you’re trying to hide from everyone at the mall!” All of a sudden, a lightbulb went off in her head. “Wait, I know what’s going on here…” We all shuffled guiltily, and we prepared ourselves to explain our supernatural misadventures to her, but then she theorized, “You don’t want anyone to know you’re the ones getting an extra discount at Petrillo’s Pizza ‘cause then they’d argue with you about fairness!”

Beck complimented her, “You’re a genius, babe!”

“I wasn’t born yesterday!” Belle smirked victoriously. “I was born during Gemini season, actually! Well, at least in this lifetime I was! My soul has reincarnated several times, going all the way back to Athens in three-ninety-nine BC…” She started clutching her stomach, and she apprised us, “Looks like my special visitor is arriving!”

“Where?” Beck glanced around the store. “Is it your Reiki teacher? I know you two are besties now, but I didn’t think you’d wanna invite her ‘cause she only eats organic food!”

Sally offered, “I have a tampon in my purse if you need it.” Belle reached for her handbag, but Sally stopped her, “You may not wanna look in there!” She dug inside and retrieved it herself.

Belle chirped, “Thanks! I’ll be back soon!”

“Oh, good! Cher and her owner are finishing up!” I observed. “I wanna get this over with before any monsters show up and ruin my shot!”

“ Your potential paramour isn’t here, though,” Sam pointed out. “I suppose one can never predict the random nature of your encounters, but so far, he has yet to be sighted.”

I blushed furiously at his characterization of our relationship. “Luke is just my friend, and that’s how it’s gotta stay ‘til we figure out whether or not he’s the key! If he’s not, then…” I got even more flustered, and then I queried, “Does Petrillo’s Pizza have pasta or something? I’m still getting heartburn from what we ate at the Calzone Shack…”

From the looks on their faces, I could tell that they weren’t interested in discussing menu options at the food court! I cringed as I anticipated their reaction to my emotions over my love life! I expected them to encourage me to take the risk, but I didn’t want to risk the apocalypse to get a hot date! I was also ready to counter with the fact that he was the son of my favorite hairdresser, too, and even if the idea of getting together with Luke seemed romantic, it just wasn’t a practical choice at this juncture. I had several arguments in my arsenal against the idea, but then…

The photographer shouted, “Next!”

“Oh, thank god!” I muttered under my breath as I dashed over to the photography area.

“What are we doing?” the photographer asked.

As I took off the wig and brushed my hair, I answered, “I need some headshots.”

The photographer brought down a plain, black backdrop and briefed me, “Okay! Well, the standard is black and white and non-smiling. We’ll do the best out of three, ‘kay? So, as soon as you’re ready, give me a nice, serious pose!” With the hecticness of the last couple of weeks, it wasn’t hard to avoid grinning! I must’ve frowned pretty hard, though, because he advised me, “You don’t have to be that serious!” I don’t think my stance changed much, but he shrugged it off. “Alright then! Three, two, one!” He took the picture, and then he suggested, “How about more of a calm, patient pose?” I was triggered by the notion of pretending all was well and nearly unloaded all of my fury of recent events onto this stranger who didn’t deserve it, but before I could utter a word…

Three tall skeletons in Spartan warrior uniforms manifested before us! Shoppers in the vicinity screamed and fled from their sight, but my friends and I stood there in annoyance. Beck complained, “Great! Now we’re not gonna have time for dinner!”

“We’ll be fine! Skeletons don’t have muscles to move their limbs or even eyeballs to perceive potential victims, so it would be impossible for them to hurt us!” Sam opined.

“Silence, mortals!” the middle skeleton commanded.

Sam reacted to this development, “Alright, how was that even physically possible? You don’t even have vocal chords!”

Sally recommended, “Chillax, dude! They’re just a bunch of bones! Compared to the other monsters we’ve faced, this will be a cinch!” Suddenly, the entire store darkened, and nearly every inch was adorned with strings of black flags, charcoal-like flowers, and demented masks and other props! The three skeletons disappeared, and Sally amended her previous statement, “I spoke too soon!”

The skeleton who just spoke broadcasted to us, “In order to have the honor of dueling with us, you must prove your worth! Survive the harsh terrain, and we’ll give you an opportunity to spare this agora from enduring this eternal festival!”

“Have you seen Luke?” Beck quizzed me.

“I told you! We’re not dating! I haven’t seen him yet, and I don’t know if I ever will!” I dramatically reminded him.

Beck corrected my misimpression, “Uh, I meant that literally! Usually, we don’t get any monsters ‘til he shows up, and a history expert might come in handy right now!”

I became abashed by my outburst. “Oh, duh!” I shook off my ill feelings and snapped back into the right focus. “Okie dokie! Well, we’ll have to carry on without him for now. If he was here, I feel like he would say he has a bone to pick with these guys!”

Sally, Sam, and Beck groaned, and Sally pleaded, “Please, no more bone-related puns! We gotta play their dumb little game so we can get out of here!”

“Yes! So, they said we had to survive the harsh terrain, what does that mean?” I pondered. “What’s so hard about surviving a department store?”

“Obviously, you’ve never worked retail!” Sally shot back.

Cher and her owner came racing back to the photography area and wailed, “Oh, my mercy me! Cher and I were shopping for shoes, and the whole darn place turned into a swamp! It’s got me more scared than a mouse at a cat convention!”

Sam surmised, “So, we have to survive a swamp? That doesn’t sound terribly challenging!”

“Really? You think a swamp created by giant skeletons will be easy?” I probed.

“I don’t know what’s reality anymore!” Sam asserted.

When we got to the shoe section, we saw that the outer shelves were still intact, but the rest was replaced with mossy water and viney trees! One of the skeletons was on the other side, and it waved to us upon our arrival. Beck concluded, “All we have to do is cross to the other end? No problem! I tread water all the time! Why is this time any different?” At that moment, several large snakes were seen swimming in the wetlands, so Beck changed his tune, “Oh, that’s why!”

Sam fretted, “If we encroach on their habitat, they’re likely to attack us out of self-defense! Our odds of survival would be extremely low!”

“Thanks, that’s helpful, Sam!” Sally dryly relayed to him. “We gotta find a way to go in! It’s not like there’s a bridge!”

“We could make a bridge, though!” I realized.

The four of us glanced around to find something that would work, and we collectively decided to use the shelf. We pushed it down, and it fell just in front of the skeleton’s feet. The shoes all tumbled into the water, and there were large gaps between the units, so Beck cautioned us, “Nobody lose your balance!”

This prompted the three of them to gaze at me in concern, and I pouted, “I don’t always fall!” They let it go, and as we began crossing, I started having doubts about the plan…

It took all of my concentration, but I was determined not to become serpent supper! Beck made it to the other side first, and Sally glided off without an issue. They both felt the need to assist me on the dismount, and I looked grumpy about it, but secretly, I was sort of glad they did it! Sam rejoiced, “Excellent! Everyone made it safely!”

Right after he said that, he slipped and landed in the bog! A snake barreled toward him, so I grabbed a platform wedge and hurled it at the snake. I missed it, but the shoe fell precisely where the snake was going to bite Sam, and its teeth got stuck in the footwear! Sally and Beck rushed to retrieve him and swiftly brought him to the shore, and Sam recollected on the incident, “I tripped on shoelaces! I used to run around with them untied frequently in my youth, so I suppose my father was right to scold me for it after all!”

“Alright, Mister Skeleton! We survived! So, now we’re gonna fight you!” I glimpsed at the four of us, and when I discerned that none of us had any weapons, I added, “Somehow!”

“I’ll see you soon!” the skeleton laughed and then disappeared.

Beck objected, “Hey! That’s cheating!”

I directed them, “Let’s just go find the next terrain!”

We passed by the Junior’s section, and Sally picked up a top. The rest of us stared at her questioningly, so she defended her decision, “What? It’s cute!”

The library worker approached us and barked, “You four! You’re behind this mayhem, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, clearly we’re enjoying ourselves with all this!” I sarcastically regarded her.

“I demand that you fix Ladies’ Petites immediately!” she ordered. “I still have a lot of shopping to do!”

Sally quipped, “What were you doing in Ladies’ Petites?”

She bristled at Sally’s audacity. “That’s it! I’ve had it with your disrespect! I wanna talk to the manager!”

“He’s over there crying in the corner.” Beck indicated to a man in a red vest, sobbing and cradling himself by the fitting room.

“This is ridiculous!” she screeched. “I’m using their phone to call corporate!” 

Sam rubbed his chin contemplatively. “It might be rather amusing to see how she would portray magical skeletons without sounding completely unhinged…”

I listlessly instructed them, “No! Let’s go save the world and get it over with!”

New Trouble, Chapter 23

“Penny, can you check my messages?” Mister Macquire requested.

“You didn’t get anything,” I dryly reported.

Mister Macquire stared at me with a stupefied expression. “How do you know? You didn’t even look!”

I reasoned, “I’ve been here next to the phone for two hours now, and the only sound I heard was the pages of my book turning! Well, it’s my friend Sally’s book, but still!”

“You may have missed something! Checking messages is in your job description, so please, do your duty!” Mister Macquire ordered.

“Alright, fine!” I glanced at the answering machine, and then I informed him, “You don’t have any messages!”

Mister Macquire seemed puzzled by this concept. “Really? Are you sure?”

I pushed the play button on the answering machine, and a robotic voice articulated, “You have no new messages!”

“Oh! I see…” Mister Macquire seemed quite abashed by his surety getting proven wrong, and if he was the slightest bit conscientious, he would have apologized to me at this juncture, but I didn’t expect one. Indeed, he didn’t- he tightened his tie, and then he instructed me, “Notify me immediately when I get a call! I’m expecting to hear from an important investor…”

“Same as always, go it!” I muttered.

Mister Macquire asked, “What did you say?”

I answered with a phony grin, “I said, ‘Yes, sir!’”

He didn’t seem to believe me, but he let it go and went into his office. As I perused some poetry, I thought out loud, “Why does Sally like this one? I feel like I need a translator for this English! Even Shakespeare was simpler!” I had nothing else to do, so I continued reading until…

Moments later, the lights flickered and then turned off completely! Mister Macquire shouted from his desk, “Penelope! Turn the lights back on, please!”

“They did that on their own!” I asserted.

“What did you do?” Mister Macquire roared as he stormed out of his office.

I defended myself, “I didn’t do anything unless the ghost of John Donne heard me complaining about his masterpiece!”

Mister Macquire uttered a noise of annoyance, and then he grabbed the phone from my desk, dialed a number, and after it rang a few times, he spoke into the receiver, “Yes, I’d like to report a power outage at… Oh, I see! Well, thank you!” He hung up, and then he relayed to me, “Apparently, a couple of power lines are down, so it’ll be a few hours before the lights come back on!”

“So, I guess we’re going home early then?” I surmised.

“No one’s going anywhere until I hear from…” As if on cue, the phone rang. Mister Macquire picked it up, and he greeted the person on the other line, “Macquire’s Architecture! Yes, this is he!” He whispered to me, “Just go!” Glad to be done with Donne, I packed my belongings and left.

Wanting to break up some restless energy, I brought some cleaning supplies to the Hecate House. Scully merrily meowed by her food bowl, and I argued with her, “I just fed you a few hours ago!” She persisted, so I relented, “Here! Have a little more! While you’re occupied, I’m gonna dust the chandeliers!”

I put on a face mask, goggles, and a shower cap to cover my hair. Scully gawked at my peculiar appearance, and I justified my choices, “I’m being practical, not fashionable!” As I used a long duster, a cloud of particles fell from the ceiling, and I conveyed to Scully, “See? It’s not safe to breathe in all that junk! Besides, it’s not like anyone will see me like this!” At that moment, I heard a knock on the door! I hesitated initially, but then eventually, I decided to answer it. “It’s probably Sally, Sam, or Beck! Their jobs probably would’ve sent them home, too! Especially Beck, since he’s an electrician! Watch their face when they get a hold of me in this getup!”

To my horror, it was Luke! Luke grew startled at first, and I cringed that I was in the worst outfit possible for him to catch a glimpse of me in! Once he got over my odd ensemble, he let me know, “Hey, Penny! They shut down the school ‘cause of the downed power lines, so I thought instead of doing a long shift with my cab, I’d come see if you guys were working on this place.”
“Oh!” It was hard for my brain to absorb this development. I had gotten used to him being around for monster attacks, but I could hardly fathom him existing in other realities! I didn’t want to encourage this because I still felt like he was the key to Pandora’s Box, and it would have been just great if the fate of humanity got obliterated due to my inability to control my emotions! However, I wouldn’t have been able to stand it if I saw hurt in those beautiful, amber eyes… My logic vehemently objected to the idea, but I couldn’t resist accepting his offer, “Sure! Come on in!”

“Awesome!” Luke stepped inside, and after he surveyed the scenery, he marvelled, “You guys are gonna fix all this by yourselves?”

I sarcastically responded, “No! We’re just waiting to unearth a magic lamp somewhere in this hovel so the genie can take care of the rest!”

Luke chuckled, “It’d be a welcome change of pace if we found a nice supernatural creature for once!”

“For real!” I concurred. We both laughed, and there was a weighty pause where I felt those amorous vibes again. I was grateful that he liked me like that since unrequited love is an awful blow to deal with, but this was almost worse since I couldn’t be with him until we could verify whether or not he was the key! My rational side got filled with relief that my headgear made it impossible for him to make a move, but another part of me was prepared to toss it all off… I cleared my throat, tore myself away from him, and filled him in, “I’m a klutz, so my friends forbade me from using power tools without their supervision, which is why I’m working on cleaning. Feel free to pick up any cleansing tool and take care of anything that needs sprucing up!”

“I can do that!” Luke avowed. He took a step towards my supplies, and then Scully started rubbing herself against his legs, so he retracted his statement, “No, I can’t!”

Luke sat down to pet the cat, and my heart beat a little faster knowing that he was kind to animals! I resumed dusting the chandelier in the dining room, and I conversed, “That’s Scully! She’s my future roommate!”

Scully settled into Luke’s lap, and Luke remarked, “Evidently, Scully doesn’t mind the smell of Stamos!”

“You named your cat Stamos?” I giggled.

“That’s my mom’s dog!” Luke corrected my misimpression. “I was just feeding him while my mom’s at work- she has a generator.”

I assured him, “No judgments here! I know plenty of guys who didn’t watch Full House for the plotlines!”

Luke wondered, “How come those guys aren’t here helping?”

“Oh, I just worked with them at the community theatre. We didn’t really keep in touch after the play was over. Maybe I should have- then, I could’ve networked & got another gig instead of this one I’ve got now with that douchey architect!”

“You got a big gazebo!” Luke denoted.

I turned around in shock at his frankness. “Excuse me?”

He gestured to the backyard. “I meant that structure in the garden.”

“Oh!” I chortled in alleviation. “I haven’t even set foot in the backyard yet! I was mainly focused on getting this place livable so I can put in a thirty-day notice at Artemis Arms and save money on rent. You’re welcome to do that area if you want, though!”

“No, no! Well, I could, but I was just thinking that the gazebo could get converted into a small stage,” Luke verbalized.

I blinked my eyes in astonishment of that notion. “You mean, run my own theatre?”

Luke encouraged me, “Yeah, why not? If that’s your dream, go for it!” I had to rest for a minute as I let this wave of positivity wash over me! Most people didn’t want to galvanize this life goal of mine, but he didn’t even question it- he was aiding me in making it happen! I was touched! He checked in with me, “Are you alright?”

“Yeah! I just… I’m not used to people treating my goals as serious visions!” I admitted.

“That’s ‘cause most people don’t live with passion! They survive life, they don’t live it! Life’s better when you have a purpose and pursue what makes you happy! That’s why my family pushes each other to succeed in what they want most!” He mulled that over for a moment, and then he added, “Well, as long as they have some degree of reality! Last Saturday, at my niece’s birthday party, my Aunt Jessie rambled on and on about winning Miss Teen America at sixty-seven… nobody supported that!”

I brought up, “Why doesn’t she just enter a beauty contest for seniors?”

Luke emitted an exasperated exhale. “Don’t even get me started!”

“Your niece still had a good birthday, didn’t she?” I pondered.

“Oh, definitely! Aunt Jessie didn’t ruin, but I almost did!” He saw my look of startlement, so he clarified, “I specifically made a chocolate cake ‘cause my mom loves that flavor, and then she says she ate before she came! Who does that?”

I tittered at his anecdote, and then the front door swung up. Sally came inside, briefly got thrown off by my strange attire, and then proclaimed, “You’re not gonna believe this!”

While I continued to dust, I guessed, “The power went out, so you got to leave Paymart early?”

“Well, obviously! Look at this headline!” Sally took a newspaper out of her purse.

“‘Adonis Shores was visited by a location scout for a new docu-drama about the life of Haloyrkta, Goddess of Salt and Minerals!’ Oh, you’ve gotta be kidding me!” I cried out.

Sally ranted, “They’re making her out to be some kind of hero! Now, nobody’s gonna believe our story! If they do wind up filming it here, I have half a mind to organize a protest!”

I pointed out, “Who’d come to our side on that?”

“Oh, right! Ugh, this is a nightmare! …Why aren’t you more upset about it?” Sally inquired.

“Well, I… Would it be so wrong if I got a job on the set?” I replied. Sally’s expression became aghast, so I explained myself, “It’d be a lie, but it still beats my current gig! Does that make me a bad person?”

Luke put in, “Those things get a lot of facts wrong, that’d piss Halorykta off, which could be fun!” 

Sally noticed Luke’s presence for the first time. “Oh, hey! What are you doing here?”

“I’m helping Penny clean,” Luke stated while stroking the cat.

“Well, clearly!” Sally joshed him.

An elderly fellow outside yelled, “Hello? Mister Taxi Driver? Where are you?”

Luke slapped his forehead, and I propositioned, “You could just ignore him.”

“Oh, come on! I’ve got a hot date, and I’m already late!” the elderly fellow whined.

“Aw, I can’t say no to that!” Luke reluctantly got up, and he apprised me, “I’ve got a cousin who paints houses- do you want me to see if he’ll get you a discount?”

I accepted that recommendation, “That sounds great!”

He took out a business card and wrote on the back, “Here’s his number for whenever you’re ready!”

“Thanks, Luke!” I grinned at him.

“No problem, Penny!” He grinned back and went outside. He quickly swiveled back and addressed Sally, “Bye, Sally!”

Sally waved to him, and after he exited the building, Sally teased me, “So, did you two shack up in the shack?”

I grabbed my wallet to put the card inside. “Yes, he couldn’t resist me in my sexiest clothes! Of course we didn’t! If he’s the key, it could be dangerous!”

“Oh, come on! Half the fun’s in the thrill!” Sally urged me. 

“This isn’t like your romp with the bus driver in the depot bathroom! There are real consequences to this… Huh!” I peered at another business card in perplexity.

Sally queried, “What?”

I observed, “Luke has the same last name as my hairdresser, Kitty! Probably a coincidence!” I contemplated that for a second, and then I gasped, “Kitty loves chocolate, and she ate before she went to a party! I gave her that brownie before she went to her granddaughter’s birthday! Luke is Kitty’s son! Oh, this is terrible! If I date him, not only could he get lost to Halorykta’s quest to end the world, but I could lose the one spot in town that’s keeping me sane!” I buried my head in my hands and groaned.

New Trouble, Chapter 22

“A dozen red roses for Penelope Caspar!” A delivery man handed me a bouquet of flowers.

I folded my arms resentfully. “There’s no one here with that name!”

The delivery man glanced at the address in confusion. “Are you sure? The front desk told me to come up here…”

“Only one person would call me by that last name- I don’t want anything coming from him!” I glared at the blooms as though Ned’s face was imprinted on them.

“You’re Penelope thought?” the delivery man verified.

I spat, “I refuse to accept them!”

The delivery man informed me, “Look, I can’t take them back! It’s against our policy! If you don’t want them, you can toss them! Personally, if my ex-boyfriend sent me flowers, I’d burn them!”

“That could be fun!” I reluctantly took the roses, and after the delivery man left, I got curious what the note contained. “Maybe it’s an apology for the stress he put me through lately… Nope! Damn it! That prick would give me an extra chore to do before I head out! What should I do with these…?”

“Hey, Grandma! I brought you a present!” I laid the bouquet in front of a tombstone that was labeled, “Lydia Hecate Alexander.” I knelt beside it, and I communicated to her, “I’m taking good care of your house! The cat scratched some of the furniture, but it still looks nice! Sorry I went into the basement! I wish you warned me about what was in there! What did you know about the secrets it held? You knew, didn’t you? How do I stop this from happening again? Well, if you have any ideas, just… I dunno! Leave a note or something! Help me out, please!” I didn’t expect an actual response, but I was hoping some relevant information would come to me somehow. That would’ve been nice! I dusted myself off, tripped on a rock, dusted myself off again, and left the cemetery.

When I walked into the Calzone Shack, I saw Sally silkily speaking to a handsome dude, “I’ll be free in an hour or so. After that, you wanna eat something?”

The handsome dude puzzled, “You’re not having pizza?”

“I wasn’t referring to food…” Sally gave him a wink.

“Bleck! Sory, that was involuntary!” I apologized to the pair after I gagged.

Sally promised the handsome dude, “I’ll find you in a little while!” The handsome dude grinned and waved goodbye to her, and as we walked further into the restaurant, Sally commented, “I love this place!”

I asked her, “Why? ‘Cause so many shirtless guys wander in from the beach?”

“No! Well, that’s nice too! But I just meant ‘cause it’s motley tourists! As far as they know, we’re totally normal!” Sally answered.

“A pizza is a pie, and mathematics has a pi too!” Sam regaled our waitress. “It’s represented by the sixteenth letter of the Greek alphabet, and its the ratio of the circumference of the diameter of a circle- like a pizza!”

Sally kidded, “Well maybe not totally normal!”

I laughed until the waitress left- I saw Luke sitting in Beck’s spot! “I told you I was scary!” Luke joked when he saw my startled visage.

“I wasn’t scared!” I lied. “I was just expecting someone else…” Honestly, I was hoping to avoid him for a while. Each time we hung out lately, I got more and more romantic vibes from him, and I wanted to discourage that in case he was the key to Pandora’s Box. I didn’t want to risk his safety by dating him and making it easier for Halorykta to reach him, but I didn’t think I had the willpower to turn him down! Even just staring at his gorgeous face was making my heart race! I peeled myself away from him and canvassed the other two, “Where’s Beck?”

“He had to go do a photo shoot with the other contestants of that surfing competition,” Sam filled me in.

I propositioned, “We should bring him a couple slices when we’re done! I’d love to sneak into a picture and ‘accidently’ get a new headshot!”

Sam queried, “Why don’t you get them done at the KD Nickel’s portrait studio?”

“Maybe…” I considered that notion briefly, but I couldn’t get excited about it. “It’s just so generic, I-!”

“Can I take your order?” the waitress inquired when she returned.

A woman with pink hair and a clipboard replied to the waitress, “We’re gonna need a minute!”

Luke objected, “Wait, no! I just came here on my lunch break! I don’t have a minute to spare!”

“Are you guys interested in protecting our oceans?” the pink-haired woman petitioned us.

“What’s the answer that gets us out of this conversation the fastest?” I shot back.

The pink-haired woman went on as though she hadn’t heard the slant in my enquiry, “Did you know there’s an estimated two-hundred thousand tons of trash in the world’s ocean right now? We can eliminate that by adapting greener practices, and-!”

Luke grabbed her clipboard and read the paper on it, “Oceans in Limbo is having a beach cleanup this weekend. Cool, we’ll do it!” He filled out a couple of lines on the form and handed it back to her. “So, we’re good now, right?”
“You guys are rad!” The woman beamed at us prior to turning around to leave.

“This environmental agency’s acronym is OIL?” Sam questioned.

The woman spun around and grilled us, “What was that?”

Sally covered Sam’s mouth and chirped, “Nothing! See you Saturday!”

“Thanks for volunteering us!” Sam muttered to Luke.

“Don’t worry! I put down the number for Supernova Cinema- if she calls it, all she could do is get movie times! I feel a little bad ‘cause the ocean does need to get taken care of more, but I’m starving, so… Oh, good! Our waitress is coming back! We can finally eat!” All of a sudden, a flurry of screams erupted from the water, and scores of people ran to the shore! Luke moaned, “Noooo!”

I instructed the waitress, “Just get us a large pepperoni! We’ll be back by the time it’s done!”

Sally probed, “We will?”

With a sigh, I responded, “God, I hope so!”

When we got to the sand, we beheld a large, green dragon-like creature with fins and other aquatic features draped all over it! Beck ran up to us and wondered, “Is this for real?”

“No, it’s a joke! Goback to your photo shoot!” Sally sarcastically regarded him.

“Ha! You got me! I’ll catch you on the flip side!” Beck began to retreat.

Sally grabbed his arm preceding him getting too far. “I wasn’t being serious!”

Beck admitted, “I guess I knew that- I was just hoping!”

“Do you think it breathes fire?” Luke posed to us.

“I find the premise of that myth preposterous!” Sam opined. “In order to manufacture an incendiary effect, it would have to emit a spark in order to ignite the…”

The monster raised its giant fins up, and we watched its movements with a mixture of curiosity and fear. I slammed its fins down, and it created a splash so tremendous that it got us soaked! “What exactly were we expecting to happen? It’s not like it was gonna do a fun trick!” I grumped.

Sam triumphantly expressed, “I told you it doesn’t emit fire!”

Before we could react to what Sam said, the monster raised its fins again, so we sought refuge underneath a lifeguard tower. Sally recommended, “As a general rule, we shouldn’t wear white until this beast business is done!” She covered up her white tunic and white skirt. “I thought it’d be cute to give off a Lily Munster vibe!”

“Any ideas?” I surveyed the group.

“Well, you could wear a slip underneath your white skirt so it’s not all see-through!” Beck suggested.

We felt the monster’s giant wave hit the lifeguard tower, and I let out an exasperated exhale. “I meant about the Monterey Bay Monster over there!” 

Luke put in, “We could wait for a shark to attack it! There’s been more Great White sightings in the area…”

“What are we supposed to do?” Sam challenged me. “We couldn’t even strangulate it since the width of its neck is far too wide for us to utilize our extremities!”

“There’s gotta be something we can do!” I insisted. “I feel like we’re missing something, but I can’t quite put my finger on it…” I mulled the matter over for a moment, and as I drummed my fingers on the surface I was leaning on, it suddenly dawned on me… “Hey! This life preserver has a long rope!”

Beck brought up, “I’ve got my surfboard! We can use it to approach the beastie!”

Sally gave him a discerning look. “If we let you go, you will come back, won’t you?”

“Oh, yeah! Like I’m gonna forget that thing’s here!” Beck gestured to the monster, who caused the earth to tremble from its movements, and then he dashed off.

“He’s gonna be toast if he doesn’t have people to distract it,” Luke pointed out.

I asserted, “I guess we’re back to our old standby of throwing random shit at otherworldly creatures!” I saw Beck returning, so I delegated, “You two help Beck with the life preserver. Luke and I will distract ‘cause I assume no one else will volunteer to do it.”

Sally and Sam nodded in agreement of that, but Sam voiced his concern, “But, you’re terrible at throwing objects!”

“I don’t need to be good- I just gotta be annoying!” I argued.

“Oh, right! Then, we’ll be fine!” Sam assessed.

I glimpsed at Sam in offense of his insinuation. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Luke grabbed my hand and pulled me away from the lifeguard tower. “Come on! We need to go!” When we arrived at at a spot that squared off with the monster, we realized our hands were still clasped and awkwardly broke apart.

The monster roared, and I shouted, “Shut up!” Luke and I began pelting it with rocks and other debris that wound up on the shore, and when I came across and interesting shell, I remarked, “Ooh! This is cute! I think I’ll keep it!”

It seemed as though our plan was working at first. The monster was getting agitated, and Beck began treading the water. He was getting close to the monster when, unexpectedly, the woman with the pink hair ran over to us and cried out, “What are you doing? Why are you disturbing an animal in its natural habitat?”

“Excuse me? That thing’s the one who invaded our habitat!” Luke defended our decision.

“You can’t do harm to wildlife!” the woman shrieked. When she espied Sam and Sally throwing Beck the life preserver, she got bug-eyed and croaked, “You’re not gonna kill it, are you?”

Sally assured her, “Rope isn’t always used for bad stuff! Once, I dated this cowboy who… Hey!”

The woman strove to pull the rope back, and Sally as well as Sam did their utmost to pry her away. Meanwhile, the monster caught sight of Beck, and it lunged toward him with its mouth wide open. I refused to allow anything to happen to him, so I grabbed that woman’s clipboard and tossed it at the monster. Finally, my aim appeared to be accurate! It didn’t really matter this time though because it ducked prior to my projectile impacting it, and it swam fast towards Beck with its mouth wide open! It was ready to swallow him! Or, at least, that was its plan…

When it reemerged, it had a garbage bag stuck on its head! It thrashed around in an attempt to get it off, and the pink-haired woman exclaimed, “Oh my gosh! Someone help it! Help it! Help-!” The sloshing it created wound up getting into her mouth, making her cough enough to prevent her from saying anything else further!

The monster soon suffocated, and when it fell, it set off a mini tsunami that drenched us even more than we already were! As we recovered from this briny assault, the tourists returned to the coastline and cheered. One person roared, “Thank the heavens there was trash in the ocean!” The pink-haired woman sulked and stomped away in a huff.

“Can we get our pizza to go?” I requested to the hostess at Calzone Shack as we stood outside of the doorway dripping onto the welcome mat.

“You guys enjoy! I’ve got a date!” Sally declared.

Sam eyeballed her see-through clothing and quizzed her, “Aren’t you gonna change first?”

Sally gazed at him like he was insane. “No!”

“Well, I better get back to work,” Luke articulated as he received a couple slices of pizza. “It’ll be fine- I’ll keep the partition up ‘til I’m dry!”

“Maybe next time we see you, there wont’ be a monster around!” I relayed to him.

Luke smiled warmly at me. “Whenever you wanna make that happen, just give me a call!”

I agreed, “Sounds great!” As he drove off, I went from grinning to grimacing- did I just agree to potentially date the key to Pandora’s Box?

New Trouble, Chapter 21

A colossal figure with the body of a man and the head of a bull towered over us! It stared at our group menacingly, and most of us were very intimidated. Chuck, however, jovially waved at him and chirped, “Hi! You’re neat! What’s your name?”

Phil snapped at Chuck, “Shut up, you fricken fool! That thing’s gonna kill us!”

“Can someone tape it? I need to go night-night…” Chuck closed his eyes and leaned on Phil’s shoulders.

“No, not on me!” Chuck barked. Chuck didn’t budge, so Phil grumped, “Great! I gotta save his dumb ass too!”

The minotaur addressed us in a booming voice:

“I shall let you travelers pass through,

but first, there’s something you must do!

Answer a riddle right,

and your future is bright,

but answer it wrong,

and you won’t be around long!”

Doug responded to the minotaur, “Oh, no! I don’t agree to anything unless I see it in writing!”

“Hear my word, and beware!

My skills are sure to scare!”

the minotaur stated.

“So, you don’t have it in writing?” Doug surmised.

The minotaur chanted:

“Listen with your ears

as I realize your greatest fears!”

Doug argued, “Uh-huh! Nothing is ever so black and white! I need to see the terms and conditions before I engage in this exchange!”

“Two choices lie in your path-

one is safe, and the other is a blood bath…”

the minotaur asserted.

“Stop rhyming!” Doug bellowed.

The minotaur recited:

“Student of one, teacher of another,

my academy shaped minds like no other!

Without a sigh,

who am I?

Luke rubbed his chin contemplatively. “I should know this! I’m a history teacher!”

“How long do we have to answer?” I asked the minotaur.

“Take as long as you’d like,

but if you-!” 

the minotaur answered.

I cut him off, “Yeah, yeah, yeah! I don’t need the whole poem!” 

Phil remarked, “I didn’t understand any of that, so I’m just gonna go ahead and say my last prayer now!”

From a short distance, Missus Bravo waved to us, “It’s fine! I cut a hole in the wall!”

“Mom! Where did you get that knife?” Doug cried out incredulously.

“Who cares? Let’s get the F out of here!” Phil grunted.

The minotaur glimpsed at us in bewilderment. “What? No! That’s cheating!”

Doug griped, “Oh, sure! Now that we’re leaving, you stop with the rhyming!”

“I should count this as an incorrect response and eat you!” the minotaur threatened us.

“Nope! There’s no rule saying we can’t do this! If you don’t like it, next time get it in writing, buttmunch!” I punched the minotaur where I could reach him, which was in the crotch area.

When we were in the Megahits parking lot once more, the maze disappeared. The video store patrons booed and hissed, and the little girl’s mother complained, “That was such a boring show! We couldn’t even see what happened!”

The cashier requested, “Oh, Phil! I’m so glad you’re here! I need a bathroom break!”

I shook my head at the apathy of this audience in response to a dangerous display, but preceding me giving any other reaction, Luke exclaimed, “Plato!” I gazed at him questioningly, so he clarified, “That’s the answer to the riddle!”

“Just under the buzzer!” I sarcastically pat his shoulder in condolences, and I found myself lingering there. The way he was looking after our moment of laughter was magnetic! It was like he got thrilled by my touch, and he was beckoning me ot come closer… I was so tempted…

“Hey! Could you open your cab already? This guy’s fricken heavy!” Phil demanded to Luke.

Luke obliged, but he gave me a smile before getting into his taxi. My heart melted…. until I saw a box near the trash can. It reminded me of Pandora’s, and I felt guilty for letting myself get romantic with the potential key! I tore myself away, and… Doug and his mom were apparently watching this scene unfold! I grew worried, but Doug assured me, “Don’t sweat it- attorney-client privilege!”

I gratefully grinned at them. “Thanks, guys!” Missus Bravo gave me a thumbs-up, and I returned the gesture as I began walking home.

The next day, I went into a bakery, and I glanced around in delight at the Halloween decorations that adorned the walls and shelves. It had a rustic charm that made me feel at ease, and I thought at last I had found a place where I could forget about my troubles for a while. I didn’t want to admit that Halorykta’s scheme of stressing us to the maximum had gotten to me, but with no end of this nightmare in sight, it was hard not to feel frustrated! I would have loved to have immersed myself in research that might have led me to some pathway out of this mess, but with all of the recent drama I endured, I needed to give my brain a break! The monster attacks burned a lot of bridges to places where I could seek refuge from these fresh memories, so I hoped this bakery would do the trick…

It took me a while to catch on to the vampire displayed next to me! It forcibly reminded me of one of our latest adversaries, and I began to grow irritated again. I didn’t want this supernatural endeavor to ruin my favorite holiday! Plus, the eyes of that plushie seemed like they were following me! I tried shifting around, but it still bothered me, so I turned the vampire plushie around so it could no longer face me, and that helped a bit, but I couldn’t help but feel my mood sour a bit more!

“Next! NEXT!” the clerk shouted.

“Wow! Whoever’s next should really go!” I muttered. It took me longer than I care to admit to realize it was me! “Oh, sorry!” I apologized as I ran up to the counter. “I want the hot cider, but I was wondering what pastry pairs well with…?” The clerk got a weird expression on her visage, so I probed, “What?”

The clerk excitedly regarded me, “You’re the girl, aren’t you?”

I wondered, “What are you talking about? I mean, I am a girl, but… Were you expecting someone?”

“Listen…” The clerk gestured for me to lean in closer to her. “I have this boyfriend I’d like you to take care of…”

“Uh, I’m not sure why you think I’m that type of girl, but you can forget it!” I refused her implied request. “Nevada has some brothels, you can take a few-hour drive and have them do it!”

The clerk corrected my misimpression, “No, not like that! He cheated on me, and I want someone to send a man-eater to him! His bimbo too if you could!”

I was internally screaming at this juncture! Here I was trying to erase my monstrous memories, and she brought it up to a crowd who wasn’t even thinking about that until she elicited their attention to it! I didn’t want to cause an even bigger scene, though, so I steadied my emotions and calmly communicated to her, “I don’t control when they show up. They randomly manifest as I’m going about my day…”

“Then, could you hang out at UC Adonis Shores?” she beseeched me. “His name is Leo, and he looks just like Kurt Cobain- you can’t miss him!”

“Yes, I can!” I disagreed. “I’m not gonna stalk this Leo dude just so you can get revenge on a romantic partner!”

The clerk wasn’t deterred. “Chillax! I can pay you! Here’s your apple cider, on the house! And I was gonna take home the day-old pastries, but they’re yours!” She plopped a large bag into my hands and graciously relayed to me, “Thanks a bunch!” Prior to me getting to object to this premise, she called out, “Next in line!”

I stood by the register in hopes of interrupting this transaction to refuse her requisition, but the man behind me had a complicated order, and I couldn’t get a word in edgewise! People were ogling me like I was a sideshow, and I eventually gave up and left. I don’t know why I brought all those pastries with me, but technically, she gave them to me before she knew whether or not I’d go hassle Leo, so I didn’t feel too bad about taking them!

“It doesn’t look anything like the picture!” a young woman bemoaned as she looked at her hairdo.

“My dear, we went over this!” Kitty somewhat exasperatedly reminded her client. “I told you I can’t make your curls exactly like Julia Roberts’- your hair isn’t as long as hers! Not even close!”

The young woman inquired, “Can’t you do some tricks to make my hair look longer like that?”

Kitty coolly retorted, “Of course not! I’m a stylist, not a magician! If you want longer locks in an instant, go buy a wig!”

“I’m gonna have to buy a wig after this travesty! I’m getting a new hairstylist!” She slammed down a few twenties and walked off in a huff.

“Tell them I wish them good luck with their new challenge!” Kitty cheerily waved her off.

As the young woman passed me, I commented, “I think it looks cute!” She rolled her eyes at me and stormed off.

Kitty looked pleased at seeing my entrance. “Penny, mija! I’m closing soon, but if you want a quick cut, I can do that!”

“Actually, I just wanted to see if you and your customers wanted any pastries.” I offered the bag to her. “The bakery down the street gave them to me ‘cause… Well, I don’t want them!”

“I’ll take them, but I’m gonna bring them home to my family. Not all of my customers deserve a treat…” She referenced the young woman who had just exited.

Sympathizing with her situation, I reassured her, “I’m sorry she did that! You’re a great stylist, and you don’t deserve that!”

Kitty kindly dismissed that concept, “Thank you, but I already know that! When you understand your worth, you don’t let jerks like that bring you down!” She picked up a broom and started cleaning, but when she spotted something in the pastry bag, she paused and observed, “There are brownies in there! Ooh, I love anything chocolate! Oh, but I shouldn’t! My granddaughter’s birthday party is today, and I can’t have two desserts in one day…” She mulled it over for a moment, and then she relented, “Oh, what the hell! My husband keeps trying to convince me to get a bigger booty anyway!”

She made me giggle, but I grew curious about something she said. “You’re a grandmother?”

“Oh, please! Don’t say I don’t look like one ‘cause I know you’re lying!” Kitty preempted my presumed statement.

“I wasn’t gonna say that! Well, you don’t, but I was just gonna ask… Your son has a kid and two jobs, and he’s single? How does he do it?” I posed to her.

Kitty filled me in, “No, no! My daughter has two kids. I’m still waiting for my son to give me grandchildren! It’s probably gonna be a while because he’s hesitating! He still hasn’t made a move with that girl he likes, even though they keep hanging out together!”

I guessed, “He’s shy?”

“Not really! He’s worried he’s not good enough for her! I know! That’s crazy, right?” Kitty reacted to my surprised face. As she munched on her brownie, she went on, “This is what I’m saying about knowing your worth! Even if someone’s out of your league (which is impossible with him ‘cause he’s gorgeous!), it doesn’t mean you can’t be of value to them! Everyone needs someone to be there for them during hard times and offer kindness, and as long as you can do that, you’re never worthless! It’s becoming rarer and rarer to find someone that’s so accepting and caring, so if you’ve got that going on, there’s no reason to believe you aren’t priceless! That’s why I fell for my husband- he was so confident, it was sexy! That and his abs! Wow!”

“That’s why I like coming here!” I thought about how that may have sounded, and I amended my sentence, “I meant ‘cause you’re so kind! I have no idea what your husband looks like!”

Kitty chortled, and after she finished her brownie, she sprang up. “I gotta get moving or I’ll miss the party! You’re welcome to join us if you’d like!”

I considered that invitation briefly, but then I recalled how much of the town turned on me thanks to Halorykta’s monsters, and I didn’t want to cause any awkwardness with her relatives. “I’d better not! I gotta get a lot of chores done today ‘cause I’m busy tomorrow. Thanks anyways, though!”

“Take care, mija!” Kitty beamed at me as I left. While I walked down the street, I prayed my Sunday would go a lot more smoothly than today…

New Trouble, Chapter 20

A patron at the front of the video store complimented the cashier, “Wow! You guys really go all out for your Halloween promos!”

The cashier stared at the newly erected hedge maze in astonishment, and he articulated, “That isn’t ours! I don’t think! Hey, Phil! Did I miss a memo?”

“Ooh! Mommy, can I try it?” a little girl asked her mother.

“Hmm… I dunno!” her mother answered while studying the maze. “I don’t see a price tag anywhere…”

I advised the Megahits customers, “You don’t wanna go in there! It may be dangerous!”

The mother curiously queried, “Why? What’s in it?”

“Well, I’m not totally sure,” I admitted.

“Then, how do you know it’s not safe for us to go inside?” the mother shot back.

I told her, “I’ll go in and find out.”

The mother changed her mind, “Oh, you’re going in? Forget it then!”

“Wait just a flim-flamming moment!” Doug’s mom confronted the mother. “This is a fine, outstanding citizen! You shouldn’t let your superstitions prevent you from enjoying an experience! Act with kindness and tolerance, and go have a ball!”

“I appreciate the support, Missus Bravo, but please don’t encourage this!” I requested.

A young guy peered at the maze from the window, and he observed, “There doesn’t seem to be anyone in it!”

Luke refuted him, “Oh, there definitely is! It looks harmless on the outside to lull you into a false sense of security and tempt you into a potentially lethal ensnarement!”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa! You need to speak slowly when you use so many big words! We’re a little tipsy- that’s why we called you!” the young guy reminded Luke.

“Fair point!” Luke acknowledged the validity of his argument. “Okay, let me phrase it this way: maze bad!”

Doug questioned me, “Why are you two going into a place that’s potentially perilous?”

I wasn’t certain how to explain it without the small crowd believing I was not even more bonkers than they already believed I was. I mulled it over for a second, and then I commented, “Well, it’s sorta our job…”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa! This dude’s a teacher, a cab driver, and a maze-explorer thing-a-ma-bob?” The young guy cocked his head in befuddlement.

“What’s going on here?” A man with a portly pot belly squeezed into a dress shirt emerged from the back and surveyed the scenery. “Oh, no! What’s that doing in our lot?”

The little girl suggested, “Ask her! She works there!”

After lumbering over to me, the man, whose nametag read, “Phil,” accosted me, “What’s the big idea? Why would you pull such a stunt without my authorization?”

“Please, sir! We didn’t put it there!” Luke appealed to Phil.

“That girl said your wife works there!” Phil argued.

Luke put his left hand up in the air. “She’s not my wife!”

Phil’s visage grew abashed upon this sight. “Oh! This is awkward…”

“My son has been a lawyer for her family for decades now!” Missus Bravo defended me to everyone. “They’re a little strange, but they’re no one to be afraid of! So, go into the maze without fear!”

“No! Don’t do that!” I warned the bystanders. I then turned to Phil and reassured him, “We didn’t put that there, but we… We’ll get that thing shut down as fast as possible!”

Phil’s posture grew less stiff after receiving that certainty. “Good! This contraption’s on my store’s property, and I don’t want no liability if anyone gets sick or injured there!”

Doug verbalized, “Do you hear that, Mom? Mom? Oh, god! Where’d she go?” He spotted her by the maze’s entrance trying to urge the young guy to go inside, and his face paled. “Oh, no! Mom! Stop that!”

Luke and I joined him as he chased after him, and Phil trailed behind us, trotting as fast as his stubby legs would allow him. “I’m the manager, and I demand you cease this immediately!”

“It’s okay! You guys won’t have to do this alone! Chuck and I will join you!” Missus Bravo attempted to comfort us.

“Mom! Get back here! Legally, we could… And, she’s gone! Jiminy Cricket!” Doug rubbed his temples in frustration.

Luke promised Doug, “We’ll get her out.”

Doug stated, “I’m going in too! Whatever is in there needs to get documented in case we need to sue the person who perpetrated this haphazard!”

“That’d be interesting to see!” Luke chuckled at the image of him in court with Halorykta.

“Alright! Let’s get this headache over with!” I propositioned. We took a collective deep breath, and then we entered into the maze. I was surprised to hear Phil tailing us, so I verified with him, “You’re coming too?”

Phil put on an act of bravado, “Why shouldn’t I come? I have valuable skills! I served during ‘Nam! …Okay, so I didn’t get deployed to a combat zone, but I did an awful lot of paperwork! …Okay, so I was scared and didn’t wanna stand there alone!”

Preceding any of us getting to respond to that, we heard a shrill scream! Doug called out, “Mom?”

“That wasn’t me!” Missus Bravo shouted.

“I thought we found our first jump scare, but it was just a rock!” Chuck explained.

Crossing my fingers that they would listen, I advised them, “Stay where you are!”

Chuck protested, “Why? That’s so boring!”

Luke and I let out an exasperated sigh, and we continued along our journey.

When we got to the other end of the row, we had a choice of going forward or going right. Luke canvassed us, “Which way did they go?”

“Ooh! A doggy!” Chuck cried out in delight.

“Got it!” Luke surmised the answer to his enquiry, and we all went right.

We found Chuck coaxing an animal, “Come on, doggy! Come here!”

Glancing over to what he was trying to interact with, we beheld that his “doggy” was a tall, ferocious wolf in a shredded toga walking on its hind legs! “Mom! That’s no doggy! How could you let him think that?” Doug chided her.

“What? It’s not like it’ll hurt him!” Missus Bravo responded.

“I’ve got bad news- that’s no actor!” I relayed to Missus Bravo.

Missus Bravo mildly quarreled, “Excuse me! He may not be famous, but we all have got to get our start somewhere!”

The werewolf began barreling towards us, and Chuck praised him, “Good boy! Come!”

“Bad! Bad dog! Sit!” Phil commanded. The werewolf maintained his velocity, so Phil remarked, “Worth a shot!”

“No!” Luke pulled Chuck out of the werewolf’s path, and then he probed, “What exactly did you plan to do with that thing? Play fetch?”

The werewolf headed towards Phil, and Phil strove to run, but the werewolf was too fast for him. The werewolf pounced on him, but Phil managed to hold back its jaws. “Dang nabbit!” Phil grumped at his predicament.

Doug observed, “Those teeth look authentic!”

“They are authentic!” I apprised him.

“Wait, so monsters are real?” Doug’s expression became utterly shocked. “So, Mom wasn’t losing her marbles when she talked about her encounter at the Photo Galleria?”

Missus Bravo reacted to his assertion, “Hey! I said they were there, I didn’t say I thought they were real! But, they’re real? So, we’ve got to defeat real monsters?”

Phil dryly invited us, “You guys can help out at any time!”

“How do we defeat a werewolf?” Luke posed to the group.

“A silver bullet!” Doug recalled. “I’m guessing no one has one of those on them though…”

Missus Bravo regaled us, “They also have aversions to certain plants like wolfsbane, rye, mistletoe…”

I speculated, “I’ll bet it doesn’t have to be a bullet specifically! Here- I have this necklace! It’s fine! My ex gave it to me, so it’s not like I’ll miss it! I just needed something to classy up my outfit for work…”

“Yeah! I’ll bet if he swallowed it, he’d have a bad reaction!” Luke agreed with me. He eyeballed me as I was prepping to throw it, and he offered, “Do you want me to do it?”

“That’d be great!” I handed him the necklace, and as I placed it on his palm, our fingers brushed! Sparks flew, and it would’ve been terribly romantic if there hadn’t been a man-eating beast behind us!

Luke hurled the necklace into his mouth, but it slid out as he looked down. Phil beseeched us, “Could you all hurry and kill this thing? My stomach is acting up, and I’m gonna need to use the bathroom soon!”

Chuck volunteered himself, “I’ll do it! It’s okay! I had to force my dog to take a pill once!”

“Wait! Let me assist!” Doug submitted to him. Chuck straddled the werewolf, and it stood up and strove to get him off. “Somehow…”

“You take this, bad doggy!” Chuck leaned in to loosen up his jaw, and we raced in to rescue him from the werewolf’s wrath, but then…

The werewolf sniffed his breath, and then he passed out! Chuck still had the necklace in his hands, so I queried, “What did you do?”

Chuck shrugged. “I don’t even know!”

“Chuck, dear, did you happen to drink any rye beer?” Missus Bravo checked with him.

“Well, he didn’t drink any wolfsbane!” Doug quipped.

Missus Bravo scolded Doug, “Don’t sass me! It’s not too late for me to take away your allowance!”

Doug corrected her, “Mom, I’m sixty-seven, and I draw a salary!”

“Oof! My knees!” Phil grunted as he stood up, and his joints cracked. “Alright, let’s hurry and get to the other side already!”

“Wait, why would we do that?” Luke pondered. “Wouldn’t it be easier just to go back the way we came?” We glanced back, and we discovered that the hedges had sealed that route shut! We all grimaced at that notion, and then Luke encouraged us, “Well, at least we’re dealing with monsters we’ve heard of! We’ve got better odds of winning ‘cause of that, don’t we?”

Chuck dangled the necklace in front of me and communicated, “Here’s your necklace back!”

I crinkled my nose as drool dropped from it, and I instructed him, “You keep it!”

We walked in silence for a stretch. Eventually, Phil began to clutch his stomach, and he moaned, “We’re almost done, right?”

“That’d be nice!” Luke huffed.

“I don’t think I can hold it much longer!” Phil notified us. “Don’t get the pesto chicken at the Conch station next door!”

Missus Bravo recommended, “Aim for the bushes! Make the jerks who did this to us clean it up! Who did do this to us?”

Luke and I glimpsed at each other in uncertainty. They were obviously privy to part of our supernatural world, but we weren’t positive if we should share everything. As we silently debated whether or not sharing this would be beneficial to anyone, a bat landed in front of us and morphed into an extremely pale woman with long fangs! Everyone but Chuck became nervous- Chuck, however, strolled up to her and silkily spoke, “Hey, baby! Why don’t we fly out of here and-?”

The vampiress hissed, and she was prepared to bite him, but Phil pulled him out of her teeth’s trajectory. In so doing, his abdomen lurched, and he wound up vomiting all over her! She was disgusted at first, but after inhaling his projectile’s scent, her eyes crossed, and she fainted! Missus Bravo assessed, “It was the garlic in your dinner!”

“Man! Plants are trying to kill us, but they’re also kinda saving us too!” Luke notated.

“So, do you reckon I have a chance with her?” Chuck canvassed us. We rolled our eyes and moved on.

We soon espied a gap in the distance, and Doug breathed an exhale of alleviation. “Oh, thank the Lord! It’s over!”

I disagreed, “It’s not over! That was too easy!”

“That was easy to you?” Doug exclaimed.

“Yes! Yes, it was!” I asserted as a giant shadow loomed over us…

New Trouble, Chapter 19

“Hi! You’ve reached Penny! Leave a message!” I heard my answering machine play that outgoing response as I finished up my pre-work routine. I couldn’t imagine who would call me when the coffee had barely begun to set in, but I didn’t assume it would be very important since most people in my circle already knew that this wouldn’t be the best time to contact me! For a second, I dared to hope that it was Mister Macquire telling me that I didn’t have to go into work that day, but I doubted that I would get that lucky!

After the beep, my mom’s voice echoed out, “Hello, Penelope! I was just talking to Mister Foster, and he’s still very interested in you! From what I heard, you left the evening pretty early. I just wanted to recommend that you to give him a chance! He has a very stable and well-paying position, and you’d be financially secure for the rest of your life if you ended up with him! Just think about it!” I shook my head at that absurdity and left in a huff. 

The two old biddies across the street from the Hecate House were sipping tea when I came out. One of them heckled me, “Coming to check on the ghosts?”

“I was feeding the cat,” I corrected her.

“How’s life been treating you since you took ownership of that hovel?” the second biddy jeered. “Has the decision haunted you?”

I shot back, “There’s nothing wrong with this place!” As I tried to leave, I stepped on a loose floorboard, and it nearly whacked me in the face! The old biddies started cackling, so I spat, “I’m working on it!” They continued to chortle as I rounded the corner and sat at the bus stop.

When I arrived at work, I mumbled, “My mom doesn’t want me to live a life of choices! I’ll show her! I’ll live the life I want to, and no one can force me to be ‘normal!’” 

“Penelope! Take off that sweater! It’s too loud!” Mister Macquire critiqued me.

“I thought the orange would be festive for Halloween,” I justified myself.

Mister Macquire bickered, “Are there bright colors in the rest of the office? No! You’ll pull focus!”

It took all of my willpower not to roll my eyes at that. “Okay! But I’m wearing a tank top underneath this…”

“Oh, jeez!” Mister Macquire took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes out of frustration. “I suppose between your bare shoulders and the obnoxious sweater, I’ll choose the latter! But don’t let it happen again! People don’t come to this business to see you!”

“Penny!” Ned walked in carrying a bag of food from a cafe a couple of doors down from here. “Isn’t this a pleasant surprise?”

I dryly responded to him, “No, it’s not! I’d say it was quite the opposite!” 

Mister Macquire petitioned me, “Penelope, are you using this office for social calls?”

“Absolutely not!” I emphatically stated. “He’s my ex-husband! Feel free to kick him out!”

“Wait! Just let me have a minute of your time!” Ned pleaded.

Mister Macquire motioned for him to say his piece, and I reacted incredulously, “Seriously? You’re allowing this, but not my orange sweater?”

Ned beseeched me, “Listen, babe! You’ve made your point! I’ll be more romantic or whatever it is you want me to do! Just please come home! I hate living in an empty house!”

“Get a dog!” I suggested.

“I did, but it got too messy,” Ned filled me in. “Did you know their poop just sits there in the backyard if you don’t clean it? I can’t even hire a gardener to scoop it up ‘cause I spent all my extra money hiring a full-time maid and chef to take care of the place ‘cause you won’t do it!”

Prior to me getting to comment on his idiocy, he pulled out a cheese danish and began munching on it. I slapped my forehead and groaned, “Ned, you’re eating dairy!” 

Mister Macquire jumped into the conversation at this point, “Yes, she’s quite right- I’m afraid we don’t allow food inside of this establishment! Please leave!”

Ned went outside, but then he poked his head back in and begged, “Can you please call me?” Mister Macquire nudged him outside, and he finally admitted defeat and slinked away. I locked the door as soon as Mister Macquire was out of sight- I could only imagine his fury if Ned used our bathroom when the lactose intolerance kicked in! I leaned against the wall and sighed as I tried to detox from this hectic morning…

“Welcome to Megahits! Can I help you with anything?” a man in a blue polo merrily greeted me.

“Probably not,” I dismally articulated. “I just wanna rent a movie that helps me forget about everything!”

The Megahits employee recommended, “Well, since it’s Spooky Season, may I suggest our Monster Mayhem section?”

I declined that proposal, “No, you may not! That’s… not gonna help! But, I’ll let you know if I have any questions, thanks!”

As I trekked down the blue-carpeted aisles, I noticed a few people pointing and staring at me. They all seemed to turn their heads when I looked in that direction, but I could definitely feel eyes on me as I perused through the classics. A little girl not-so quietly whispered to her mom, “That’s the lady from the toy store. She fought the scary beast!”

“Oh, that was probably just a gimmick! There’s no such thing as monsters!” the mom reassured the little girl. Despite her confidence in the matter, she still moved rather quickly to distance herself from me.

“Dude, we’d better get out of here before some freaky creature invades the store!” a young guy mentioned to his buddies.

An elderly woman approached me, and she offered me console, “There, there, dearie! Not everyone thinks you’re bad luck!”

I graciously regarded her, “Thank you!”

“Seeing you at the Picture Galleria reminds me of something that happened to me as a child,” the elderly woman recollected. “Now, this was back in nineteen-o-eight, so obviously, there weren’t really any photo development stores yet. People mostly did it themselves at home, but you could go to a film studio if you wanted to! Of course, that was far more expensive than creating your own dark room at home! Anyway, I was visiting my uncle’s farm in Terra Bella. Oh, you’ve probably never heard of Terra Bella, but it’s close to Fresno. There’s a town in Pennsylvania with a very similar name…”

“Uh-huh…” I didn’t want to be rude to the one person who was acting kindly toward me, but I could imagine that this story wouldn’t have concluded until the store closed! I curiously wondered if this interaction was helping or hurting my reputation, so I glanced across the room. It was pretty empty in this sector, and at first, I assumed we were all alone over here, but then…

A tuft of gray hair floated above the comedy section, and I initially chalked it up toilet another individual trying to avoid me, but something seemed very familiar about them. I politely excused myself from that elderly woman’s babbling, and I tiptoed towards the mysterious figure. Luckily, they hand’t detected my presence! I ambushed them in the aisle, and…

I puzzled, “Doug?”

“Oh, hi, Penelope!” Doug stood up and tried to act as though he was merely browsing for a specific VHS. “I didn’t see you there!”

“You didn’t?” I folded my arms in disbelief. “Were you trying to hide from my new friend there then? What, is she your ex-girlfriend or something?”

Doug relayed to me, “Actually, that’s my mother.”

I felt a bit awkward about that faux pas, but I didn’t let that distract me. “You probably came here together, so hiding from her wouldn’t do much good unless she has memory problems…”

“Yeah, right! She’s got more information stored in her than a computer! It’d be nice if she could forget some things, like when I came home from prom in a cheerleader’s uniform! It was dark in that barn!” He winced as he remembered that tidbit, but then he remorsefully spoke to me, “Okay, I’m sure you’d like to yell at me too, so go ahead and get it over with!”

“What? I’m not gonna yell at you!” I mulled that over for a moment, and then I reversed course, “Probably! I guess that depends on why you were attempting to shield yourself from me…”

Doug glimpsed at me in astonishment. “You’re not mad that I convinced you to take the Hecate House?”

I differed with him, “No, I convinced myself to take it! You were trying to convince me it was haunted!”

“Well, in any case, you’re not upset that you got an inheritance riddled with ghosts?” Doug canvassed me.

“It’s not a haunted house! But, it’s got a haunted house!” I espied his confused expression, so I clarified, “My friends and I found a nineteenth-century attraction in the basement.”

Doug blinked in surprise. “That’s different! So, there aren’t any actual ghosts in there?”

I shrugged. “If there are any, they’re friendly!”

He quizzed me, “So, there’s nothing eerie about the property whatsoever?”

“Well…” I didn’t want to lie and say everything about the dwelling was peachy-keen when it wasn’t, but I certainly didn’t want to say I was battling mythical creatures sent in by an apocalyptic goddess to one of the few denizens who wasn’t fleeing from fright due to my proximity to them! Other store patrons were in the vicinity listening too, though, and I couldn’t tell if they would have gotten terrified by that tidbit or if they would have used it as further ammunition to shun me! I couldn’t discuss that supernatural nonsense with him, but perhaps there was something he could shed more light on… “Did Grandma Lydia ever talk about her Grandma Hecate?”

“Possibly. By the end, she told a lot of boring stories, and I didn’t pay attention half the time ‘cause it wasn’t related to any legal matters,” Doug reported.

I pressed him further, “She didn’t say anything about the house or anything? Why Hecate would have had this business running and then suddenly abandon it to become a traditional housewife?”

Doug’s mother put in, “Back in my day, if a woman rushed to find a husband, it meant she was trying not to have a baby out of wedlock!” I found that premise interesting, but preceding me getting to elaborate on that, Doug’s mom prattled on, “Nowadays, nobody cares if someone has relations outside of marriage! They’ll scratch that itch darn whenever they feel like it- even after dropping off a prom date to her parents’ ranch…”

“Ugh! That was fifty years ago! Are you ever gonna let that go?” Doug asked her.

“I waited up for you to hear all about your dance, and then imagine my shock when you came home disheveled and out of your beautiful tuxedo!” she answered him. “Then, you had the gall to say you owned that skirt and sweater!” 

Doug grabbed the VHS case out of her hand. “Oh, you found a video! Let’s go pay for it! Nice to see you again, Penelope!”

I watched them head to the counter and tittered. I was so engrossed in that pair’s antics that I didn’t even catch sight of Luke standing next to me! “We’ve gotta find that lover!” His abrupt appearance made me jump, so he apologized, “Sorry! I thought you knew I was here!”

“It’s been a long week,” I defended my obliviousness. “I guess I should pay more attention to my surroundings in case something terrifying sneaks up on me!”

“Something terrifying did sneak up on you!” Luke kidded. I rolled my eyes, but he stuck to that shtick, “What? Some of my students get nervous around me!”

I disputed that, “Yeah, ‘cause their grade depends on you! Do I look like a schoolgirl to you?”

He riposted, “If I say yes, would you roll your eyes again?”

“Without a doubt!” I laughed. He shared my mirth, and it was like music to my ears! He had such a comforting laugh, and every time he smiled like that, it made my heart melt! The way he stood by me caused me to believe he was flirting with me, and I got extremely excited. I was tempted to continue this interaction and see how far he would go with me, but then the movie that the store was playing emitted a monstrous noise, so I bitterly recalled what the priority was right then. “Alright, so why do you think we need to know who Doug’s prom date was?”

“Not his lover! Hecate’s! It seems like everything was normal ‘til this affair of hers started. What if her boyfriend had something to do with paranormal stuff?” Luke reasoned.

I rubbed my chin contemplatively. “Yeah! Maybe if we figure out why all this happened, we can stop it from happening again!” Suddenly, the occupants of Megahits reacted to some chaotic commotion at the front, so I added, “Well, we can stop the next one from happening!”

New Trouble, Chapter 18

“What is it?” As I anticipated his question, I became hopeful that he would profess his feelings for me. I forgot about all that stuff about him possibly being the key to Pandora’s Box- after staring into his eyes, all I could think about was how much I wanted him!

Luke requested, “Would you go to the Homecoming dance with me?” My heart skipped a beat! Was this even real? When I was in high school, I was relieved when somebody finally wanted me to go with them, and twenty-two years after graduation, I was instantly more excited to go to Homecoming than I was back then! It felt too good to be true! …And, it was! He glanced at my three besties and filled us in, “We’re short on available staff members, so we need some more chaperones.”

My fervor dropped as quickly as it had risen. He meant that for everyone? I was crushed not to feel special! He put me on the same level as Beck, who was currently digging out a wedgie! It was hard to accept that he didn’t have any romantic intentions with me, but I bitterly resolved that it was probably best this way since Halorykta may have been after him to wipe out humanity. I pretended to look to the right to contemplate the matter because I came to realize that I had absolutely no poker face, and I needed a minute to get into the character of someone who didn’t care about this development…

“We’d love to go!” Sally put her hand on my shoulder in solidarity.

“Uh, we would?” Sam ogled at her in disbelief. 

Sally insisted, “Yes, we would!” She subtly gestured to me to give him a hint to play along.

Sam protested, “But I hate dancing! I even brought my calculus homework to the prom!”

“Your date hated that!” Beck recalled.

“After everything we’ve been through lately, I just want to spend my weekend nights in repose! I do not want to utilize my free time telling a bunch of adolescents to cease their shenanigans!” Sam ranted.

Sally pointed at me more ardently. “Yes, you do!”

Sam argued, “Penny can’t possibly want to go! She’s an appalling dancer!”

I cringed at that memory. I was so excited to possibly receive some amorous sentiments from Luke that I forgot about the dancing aspect of the dance! I didn’t want Luke to see my awful moves! Would he have any interest in me if all of his students were laughing at my total lack of rhythm?

“The chaperones don’t dance!” Mary put in. “Maybe a little, but mostly they just stand there looking grumpy.”

“You’d be good at that, Sam! You’re already doing it!” Beck needled him.

Sam pouted, “You’re on board with this premise?”

Beck relayed to him, “It sounds lame, but he’s helped us out of a bunch of our monster jams, so we owe him a favor…”

“Wait, did you say jams?” Max queried. “How many times have you dealt with freaky things like that? Why do they keep attacking you guys?”

“Long story,” I responded. “We could tell you, but I’d hate for you to miss your curfews…”

Danny glimpsed at his watch, and his eyes went wide. “Oh, crap! I’m gonna be so grounded if I don’t get home stat!”

Luke let Tommy know, “I’ll take you to your house in a second. So, will you guys be able to come?” 

“We would love to!” Sally renewed her furious pointing.

“Ohhhh! Yes, of course!” Sam finally caught on and obliged.

Luke grinned at us. “Great! I’ll give you the details later. I gotta get this one home!”

I couldn’t resist grinning back at him- his smile was so dreamy! We said our goodbyes, and as I watched him leave, I found some solace in the fact that chaperones didn’t have to do any dancing.

“Um, excuse me! You are all banned from Athenyx Library! You can’t keep hanging out in the parking lot!” the librarian who banished us scolded.

“Next time, let’s let the monster destroy the place!” Sally muttered. We gazed at her in shock, and she clarified, “I’m kidding! I think…” We tittered as we climbed into Beck’s truck.

After I thanked Beck for the ride, total exhaustion kicked in! For a night owl, getting up at six a.m. each day was a struggle, and that temp job was mentally tiring! I spent half the evening reading Ancient Greek textbooks, and in the other half, I went running around the library fighting a very strange but speedy monster! And, it was only Wednesday! My brain hurt picturing what horrors might be in store for me during the rest of the week! It was too much! I needed a break! With that in mind, I decided to salvage the remainder of my day relaxing, and I was already contemplating which bottle of wine I wanted to crack open when I entered the lobby of my complex. I was going to have a tranquil evening…

Or was I…? I halted in my tracks, absorbing the terrible startlement I just endured! …My mom was waiting for me by the presently closed front desk! As this woman who didn’t resemble whatsoever except for the eyes paced across the space, I observed a scowl on her face that spelled trouble! Not that she could really punish me at thirty-nine years old and me living on my own, but I knew from experience that defying her had drastic consequences! I grimaced realizing I couldn’t take the elevator without alerting her to my presence, but I was glad I could zip up the stairs preceding her catching sight of me!

I was prepared to dash to my door and swiftly lock it so I could ignore her until maybe tomorrow, but to my bewilderment, she was staring at me from the top of the stairwell! The frown on her visage only deepened from earlier, which wasn’t a good sign, but all I could do was hope for the best. So, I merrily greeted her, “Oh, hey, Mom! I didn’t know you were here!”

“Yes, you did!” my mom refuted my claim. “You ran up the steps without even saying hello!”

“How did you know?” I wondered.

My mom articulated, “I heard you climbing the steps. There’s a reason I didn’t call you Grace!”

I jokingly quarreled with her, “You could’ve done it out of irony!” My mom didn’t appear amused, so I slid past her and truthfully broadcasted, “Listen, Mom! I had a long day, nd I really need to pee, so I wanted to avoid whatever trumped up drama you have planned for me!”

“I’m not letting you off the hook for this one!” my mom bellowed as she followed me into my apartment.

“Okay, so I should’ve told you I was meeting up with my buddies tonight, but what’s the big deal?” I posed to her. “I miss your calls pretty much daily now, I would’ve thought you’d be used to that by now!”

My mom upbraided me, “I’m not here to talk about that! Although I’m not pleased about that either! … You took the Hecate House!?!”

It never occurred to me that she might discover this until I moved in and put in my change of address! I wished I had given this possibility some consideration before this juncture though, because I wasn’t clear on how to respond to that! All I could come up with was, “I… Well… It’s not actually haunted, just FYI!”

“Why would you do that?” my mom vociferated. “The curse could’ve fallen out of our family’s hands!”

“There’s no curse!” I disputed her. “It’s a bit more work for me, but nothing too out of the ordinary has happened!” I bit my lip after I heard myself spew out such a hideous mistruth.

My mom grabbed me by the shoulders and urged me, “Sell it! Sell it now! Maybe it’s not too late to avoid the curse!”

I kidded, “Mom, I’ve had ‘the curse’ since seventy-one!” My mom clicked her tongue in annoyance, so I curiously petitioned her, “How did you even find this out?”

“Your dad and I met with Doug to take your ex-husband out of the will, and I saw the paperwork on his desk,” she reported.

“Oh! Thank you for doing that!” I graciously regarded her.

My mom resentfully sniffed at that. “This is the thanks I get? Everything I do is for your own good!”

I stared at her in disbelief, and I wanted to immediately push back against what she just said, but… I wasn’t lying about needing to use the bathroom! I hurried to the toilet, and through the shut door, I yelled, “Your idea of my own good is to have every aspect of my life controlled! You think freedom is a pipe dream and choices are dangerous! I don’t wanna keep living my life in a gilded cage! So, there’s some risks in venturing out, but it’s better than spending all of my days feeling trapped!” That would’ve sounded far more impressive if I weren’t urinating throughout the entire speech!

“Penny, I’m just trying to keep you safe! That’s my job as a parent, whether you like it or not!” My mom eyeballed me when I reemerged, and then she advised me, “Your soap is drying out your hands- you need to get the moisturizing kind!” She dismally exited my home, and I sort of felt guilty about shooting my mouth off to her. She hadn’t been making the best decisions about me, but her actions stemmed from a desire to protect me. I could only hope that eventually she would see that I was fine traveling down my own path! …She was right about the soap though, my knuckles were pretty dry and red!

“I’m almost finished, but I’m gonna have to get behind that wall there soon.” Beck gestured toward a large shelf in the Hecate House.

As we situated ourselves to push that heavy piece of furniture, Sam remarked, “This is exhilarating! This domicile is almost becoming habitable!”

I conversed, “That’d be great! Then, if my mom decides to stalk me so she can lecture me on my lifestyle, she won’t make herself known to hundreds of my neighbors! She may catch some grief from the old biddies across the street, but that’d be more annoying than embarrassing!”

“At least your mother doesn’t turn up at your job and tell the entire staff your complete history,” Sally verbalized. “No one at Paymart cares what I liked to eat for breakfast in kindergarten!”

“It’s nice that they love us, but I wish they’d show it in a way that wasn’t so mortifying!” I commented.

Beck asserted, “I hope we’re not gonna be like that when we have kids! Although I’m pretty sure Belle will run across their schoolyard ‘cause they forgot their crystals or something!” We chuckled at that notion, and then Beck prompted us, “Anyways, let’s move this thing!”

We gave it all of our might, but it didn’t budge. Sam recommended, “Let’s remove the contents to reduce the weight of the unit and make it more transportable.”

We removed all of the books and curios, and we were able to slide it away from the spot Beck needed! Beck resumed his endeavor, but prior to the rest of us resuming ours, an old photo album caught my eye… I opened it up, and I exclaimed, “It’s Great, Great Grandma Hecate’s!”

“Ooh! Maybe it contains some clues about how this house got involved with Pandora’s Box!” Sally excitedly expressed.

“Your great, great grandpa was hella grouchy!” Beck noted as the three of them peered over my shoulders while I flipped through the pages.

I theorized, “He was probably grumpy from working all the time. That’s the type all the women in my family chose to go for.”

Sam vocalized, “Their professions most likely exceeded our own in terms of time consumption since they weren’t privy to our technology! Look, his records were all handwritten!”

“Wait a minute!” I peered at the faded document more closely, and I came to a startling realization. I set the photo album down and grabbed the tin with Grandma Hecate’s love letters, and I placed one of them side by side with the faded document. “It’s from the same year, but this writing doesn’t match my great, great grandpa’s!”

“Oh my gosh! Your great, great grandma was having an affair!” Sally gasped.

I opined, “This is huge!”

Beck asked, “Why? It’s not like we’re tabloids from the eighteen-hundreds!”

“I dunno!” I answered him. “But, it’s proof she was hiding something! I wonder what other secrets are hiding in this building…”

New Trouble, Chapter 17

Luke’s nephew inquired, “What’s going on?”

Since his brows were furrowed, we could infer that Luke didn’t know how to respond to that. A tall male who appeared to work in this library emerged from the aisles with his face pale and his eyes wide, so gathered that he had seen Halorykta’s latest menace. Luke replied to his nephew, “We’re about to find out!” He addressed the worker, “Sir, what did you see?” The male opened his mouth as if he was going to speak, but then he wound up fainting instead! Luke posed to his nephew, “Does that answer your question at all?”

“I gotta see this!” Danny declared as he and his buddies leapt to their feet curiously.

“No, you don’t!” I disagreed. “You need to study!”

Danny rolled his eyes. “Oh, right! Like we can concentrate on our homework with something spooky lurking around here!”

Mary bashfully waved at Luke’s nephew. “Hi, Tommy!”

“Hi, Mary!” Tommy grinned at her. “Say, I’ve been meaning to ask you… Do you have a date for Homecoming yet?”

“We were all just gonna go as a group,” Mary informed him.

Tommy looked disappointed. “Oh, okay! Never mind!” 

Beck encouraged him, “Dude, I think she wants to say yes!”

“Really? Tommy gazed at Mary hopefully.

“Forget about her!” a silky female’s voice called out. “I’ll be your date! With me, you’ll get something you’ll never forget!”

Sarah furiously defended her friend, “Listen, you hussie! You keep your paws off of him! Tommy is spoken for!”

The female’s voice urged Tommy, “Oh, come on! Why don’t you come see me for yourself before you say no! I’ll show you what a good time we can have…”

“I don’t have a date yet! Can I come see?” Max longingly stared in the direction she was communicating from.

“Sure!” the female relented.

Max began to race toward her, but I stopped him. Max grumbled, “Man! Why are you such a drag?”

I retorted, “This girl’s trying to lure you over to the same spot that dude just was in, and he got so scared that he passed out, so I probably just saved your life! So, you’re welcome!” I then challenged the female, “Why don’t you come out here and talk to him?”

“Uh… I can’t! I’m naked!” the female sputtered.

“You guys are so bogus!” Danny complained as Sally grabbed him by the shirt collar.

Sam picked up a large book and did some quick calculations. He reached a conclusion, and then he threw the book. A deep, gnarly voice reacted in pain, “Ow!”

Thunderous running was heard, and from the depths of the aisles emerged a creature with the head of a lion and the body of a rhinoceros! Sally joshed the boys, “Are you guys sure you still wanna go to Homecoming with her?”

The beast ran into another section, so we followed it. To our dismay, the five teenagers followed us. We all stopped and glimpsed at each other, wondering what to do about involving a bunch of minors in this apocalyptic affair, but before anyone could air their opinion, Tommy wondered, “Uncle Luke? What was that thing? And why did it wanna go to the dance with me?”

“I don’t know what it is, but I do know it wasn’t gonna do any dancing!” Luke remarked.

“It appears to have situated itself somewhere in the adult section,” Sam observed. “Weren’t we just kicked out of there?”

After biting my lip in concern, I articulated, “They’re not gonna let us back in! How are we supposed to fight that monster?”

Max volunteered, “We’ll do it!”

“You can’t fight a monster!” Beck objected.

“I can too!” Max argued. “I’ll punch it out like this- whack, whack!”

Sally propositioned, “Maybe they can help…”

A woman at the desk was sorting through some VHS cassettes when Luke led the teens inside. “Alright, boys and girls! We gotta do our research without talking since this is a quiet zone, got it?” The teens nodded, and the woman didn’t bat an eyelash as they passed by her.

When we were at a safe distance, Sally as well as Sam, Beck, and I emerged from behind them. Sally softly warned them, “Thank you for that! But just remember, leave the fighting to us!”

“Oh, come on!” Sarah objected. Sally gave her a stern look, so she complied, “Okay, fine! What’s the plan?”

“We can’t tell you!” Beck relayed to her.

Sarah asked, “Why not?”

Beck answered, “Well, ‘cause we don’t know what it is yet!”

“We figure it out as we go along,” I clarified after Sarah and her friends became horrified about our strategy. 

“Affirmative,” Sam concurred. “We utilize a system of trials and errors. It mostly winds up being errors, but we get the job done!”

In the distance, we heard a guy catechize, “Who, me?” A different female’s voice mumbled something, and the guy chirped, “Okay!”

We raced to prevent disaster from unfolding. We found the guy by the encyclopedias, and he let out a scream as the beast unhinged its jaws. Luke grabbed a large dictionary, and prior to the beast sinking its teeth into the guy, Luke placed the dictionary into the path of the chomp. The beast’s teeth got stuck in the tome, and its alarm over this development propelled it to flee.

The guy wiped the sweat off of his forehead in alleviation of the grim fate he had avoided. “Phew! That was close! Now, where’s that broad who was hitting on me?” We ignored his enquiry and pursued the beast.

“Hey! How did you four get in here?” the woman at the front desk demanded to know as we hurried past the adult section’s desk.

“Where did it go?” Luke pondered. We heard a flurry of shrieks from the computer room, so he concluded, “Got it!”

The computer users were huddled together in fright. One lady opined, “We probably should’ve gone in the other direction where the door is! Now we’re stuck here!”

A weak female’s voice broadcasted, “The monster left, and it took all my clothes with it!”

“Really?” A young lad avidly darted toward the aisle where he heard the voice.

“No!” Tommy hopped on the table and ran to the beast. Preceding the beast consuming the young lad, Tommy jumped onto the beast’s back! The beast began bucking like a bull in a china shop, and Tommy rued his decision, “Crap! I should’ve thought this through more!”

Luke fretted, “Oh, no! Your mom will kill me if anything happens to you! My mom too!”

Holding on tightly, Tommy petitioned us, “What do I do?”

“Let go!” I advised him.

“As soon as I free myself of your grip, I’m eating you!” the beast apprised Tommy.

I reversed course, “Actually, don’t let go!”

Danny furnished a soda bottle from his pocket. “What if I poured this on it? Like, maybe the liquid will melt it or something?”

Sally shrugged. “Worth a shot!”

He hurled the soda in the beast’s trajectory. It didn’t get much on the beast, but it made the computers fizzle out! That startled beast enough that it bulldozed its way out of the room. Tommy slid off of it and breathed a sigh of relief, “Oh, thank god! I’m never doing that again! Although I’m starting to think I’d be good at the rodeo…”

“Did that thing happen to save my file before the computers crashed?” a boy canvassed us.

“It’s going into the theatre!” Mary observed.

I verbalized, “Okay, well, there aren’t any shows going on at the moment, so we should be safe!”

Beck recalled, “They hold classes in there sometimes.”

“It doesn’t appear to be hosting any lectures or courses this evening,” Sam reckoned. A cacophony of hollering sounded from the space, and Sam’s visage fell. “Crud!”

“Hopefully it’s something full of people who can easily defend themselves!” I crossed my fingers as we zoomed to the area. After we arrived, we read a sign that welcomed the participants of an eighty-year-old and over club, and I bemoaned, “Oh, shit!”

We entered the door at the back of the audience’s arena, and we saw that most of the club members remained rooted to their seats. One elderly bloke puzzled, “What was that animal that galloped in here?”

An older gal gazed at him blankly. “What animal?”

“Hey! Bartholomew is about to get lucky!” A heavily wrinkled codger pointed his knobby finger at the gentleman hobbling onto the stage. 

“I’ll be there in a jiffy, turtledove!” Bartholomew promised as he scuttled across the stage. “I just need to take a little blue pill first…”

Sally hurried into the control booth, and she asserted, “And sunlight is the best disinfectant!”

The stage lit up, and Bartholomew halted square in his tracks. “Gadzooks! What in the tarnation is that?”

“Well, since the cat’s out of the bag…” The beast bounded after Bartolomew.

“Run, Bartholomew!” one of his colleagues recommended.

Bartholomew scooted as fast as he could, but the beast was faster… obviously! Fortunately, Sam gave Sally a signal, and a sandbag fell onto the beast’s head! As the beast was pinned to the ground, the teens swiftly pulled Bartholomew off of the stage, and Bartholomew probed, “Are you my nurses?”

The beast didn’t move for a lengthy stretch, and Beck theorized, “Dude! Maybe we killed it!” The beast managed to throw off the sandbag, and Beck added to his statement, “I said maybe!”

After the beast used an exit on the house left, the teens, who were closer, followed it. Max vociferated, “It’s going into the rare books section!”

As we zipped towards those quarters, I commented, “Okay, that’s gotta be empty, right?” The others weren’t so certain…

We gained some reassurance of everyone’s safety when the rare books sector appeared to be empty. We tiptoed along the shelves, and to our disappointment, we heard a female’s voice beckon, “We’re all alone…”

“Alright! Let’s do it!” the fellow acquiesced.

“No!” the ten of us cried out in unison. We rushed over to the source of the sound, but we were surprised to behold a regular couple in the midst of a romantic embrace.

Sam shook his head in disapproval. “Really? Why do so many individuals desire to engage in intercourse while visiting the library?”

Sally defended the idea, “You say that like no one’s ever done it!”

Prior to Sam reacting to that, the beast manifested behind us and leered, “Looking for me?”

“No! Who are you?” the fellow interrogated it.

“Ha, ha! You’re all trapped!” the beast rejoiced. “Tonight, I feast!”

Mary anxiously quizzed us, “What do we do?”

As the beast started stalking us, I instructed, “Just throw anything you’ve got! Maybe something will distract it enough to let us escape!”

The teens emptied their pockets, and Sarah threw the contents of her purse while we chucked books at it. Nothing seemed effective, so the beast asserted, “It’s a good thing I came hungry!” 

“Then eat this!” Sarah lobbed an open bag of trail mix into its mouth. 

“It’s trying to eat humans, and you give it a healthy snack thinking that’ll satisfy it?” Max glanced at her incredulously. To our astonishment, the beast froze in its footsteps, so Max congratulated Sarah, “Well done!”

The beast’s neck started to bulge, and it croaked out, “Are there peanuts in that bag? I can’t have peanuts!”

I reacted in dumbfoundment, “A monster with a peanut allergy? I don’t remember reading about that in any of the Greek legends!”

Not long after it consumed its allergen, it struggled to breathe. It swayed a bit, and within seconds, it was lying on the floor completely motionless. “Sick! We slayed this… whatever it was!” Danny celebrated.

“Well, we set a guideline against you guys fighting the monsters, and… thanks for breaking the rules! We couldn’t have gotten through this without you!” I gratefully regarded them.

“Whatever! It was more interesting than doing our math homework!” Mary responded.

Sam’s jaw dropped upon hearing that. “You…! You…! You don’t like…?”

Before he could erupt, another library employee found us and scolded, “You twelve have caused too much of a disturbance here! I’m afraid we’re gonna have to ban you from ever returning to Athenyx Library!” 

“What did I do?” The fellow glimpsed at his pants, and when he discovered they were still down, he accepted his punishment, “Oh, right! I get it!”

“She did say Athenyx, right?” Sally checked with us in the parking lot. “We can still go to other libraries in Adonis Shores, can’t we? There are so many poetry books that I haven’t read yet!”

Tommy brought up to Luke, “Uncle Luke, what about my essay?”

Luke assured him, “I’ll have a chat with your teacher!”

“What are you gonna tell him?” I pressed him.

“The truth!” Luke saw our stunned expressions, and he elaborated, “We went to the library, and then we had to book it!”

Everyone but me groaned at his pun, but I felt compelled to tack on, “Someone didn’t get their happy ending!”

Sally slapped her forehead. “Oh, jeez! It’s contagious!”

“Hold on… Can I talk to you guys about something?” Luke requested.

New Trouble, Chapter 16

“You know what I want!” Halorykta impatiently stated.

Beck ventured a guess, “You wanna apologize for all the mayhem your monsters caused and for attempting to unleash the apocalypse on our world?”

Halorykta crinkled her nose at that notion. “Uh, no! Why would I do that?”

“It’d be the decent thing to do!” Beck argued.

“Well, that’s not happening! Ever!” Halorykta insisted.

Beck bemoaned, “Drag!”

Sally sarcastically relayed to us, “Gee, isn’t this a coincidence? We were just talking about how we changed our minds about wanting to eradicate humanity!”

“Really?” Halorykta’s eyes glistened with a glimmer of hope.

“Seriously?” Sally scoffed. “And you think mortals are dumb!”

Sam concurred, “Yes! One could do a visual scan of us and discern that we were not experiencing the same evening! In fact, I’m willing to put forth the hypothesis that Sally wasn’t engaging in a lot of discourse at this precise juncture!”

Sally responded, “I wasn’t! But, not for the reason you’re assuming- I was dancing! I was at the Halloween Hoedown!” We gazed at her in surprise, and then she added, “Okay, so maybe I was expecting it’d end with a little horizontal Do-Si-Do…”

“Alright! Not that I’m eager to get back to that freaky Foster jerk, but I don’t really wanna spend my entire night here either, so go ahead- give us your latest spiel and send us back to Earth already!” I told her.

“How dare you treat my invitation like it was a common parlor trick!” Halorykta reacted in offense.

I retorted, “What? We’re supposed to pretend we’re scared of offending you? You’re already sending monsters in our direction pretty constantly, what more could you do to punish us?” 

Halorykta contemplated that for a second, and then she irritatedly admitted, “That’s a fair point!”

“Sweet! So, we can go back now, right?” Beck wondered. “I’m doing overtime on a gnarly project, but I promised Belle I’d be home on time to watch our favorite show at dinner!”

“We’re not done yet!” Halorykta snapped.

Beck listlessly regarded her, “Lame!”

Halorykta smiled as she folded her arms. “Wow! You four aren’t as valiant as I once supposed! I had no idea you were just as selfish as every other human being on the planet!”

“We’re not selfish simply because we would prefer not to assist you with your malicious endeavors!” Sam refuted her claim.

“I’m not talking about me!” Halorykta differed.

Sally disagreed, “There’s an odious lie!”

Halorykta elaborated, “No! I mean it! I pegged you as the type to be willing to make personal sacrifices in order to benefit others, but you’re fine with your decision to cause other people to endure more stress and anguish!”

“How in the hell can you argue that we’re hurting our community by not lending a hand with the opening of Pandora’s Box?” I gazed at her incredulously.

“It shocks me that your conscious is clear when your never-ceasing refusal is the source of trauma for the witnesses to all these monster attacks! Some victims have even gotten hurt! And, all the future bystanders to these ambushes will withstand more suffering due to your stubbornness! I’m disappointed in the lack of morals in your character!” Halorykta shook her head in dismay.

For a flash, I did feel guilty for any anguish the citizens of Adonis Shores went through during each of these battles. I did my best to protect them, but there was only so much I could do! More strife would get created from the ceaselessness of us standing our ground! …However, what would have happened if we had taken the alternative option? “So, when you unleash your end-of-the-world chaos, nobody else will be harmed?”

Halorykta shifted somewhat guiltily on her rocky throne. “Well, I mean… technically, they would! But-!”

“Take us home!” I directed her.

“Fine!” Halorykta reluctantly acquiesced. “But, know this- I own a plethora of ugly, dangerous beasts!” The crow on her shoulder glimpsed at her questioningly, so she vexedly assured it, “I wasn’t referring to you!” It looked pleased, but Halorykta looked livid as she worked her magic.

I walked back into Frizzlers, and I saw my blind date speaking to the waitress, “Yes, I will have the filet mignon, and the lady will have the porterhouse. Sixteen ounces- I can tell that girl can handle some big meat!”

The waitress briefly glanced at me, and then she informed him, “Sir, she’s been gone for a while! I’m pretty sure she went out the back door…”

As he insisted I would return, I gave the waitress a thumbs-up and exited through the rear entrance.

I read through a letter pretty thoroughly at the desk. Mister Macquire emerged from his office and queried, “That seems fairly lengthy! It’s a glowing review, isn’t it?”

“No, sorry,” I apologized.

“Oh, no! It’s a complaint? What did you do?” He snatched the letter from me, and he frowned. “This is an advertisement for a carpet cleaner service!”

I explained myself, “Yeah, I blew through my magazine, and I got bored. I’m meeting my friends at the library later, so I’ll be sure to grab a book for tomorrow!”

Mister Macquire suggested, “Well, if you need something to do, you can brew a fresh cup of coffee!”

“Uh, I already did that…” I indicated to the urn on the table by his office door.

“Yeah… That’s not coffee!” he snidely corrected me. “That’s more like caffeinated water! Don’t be afraid to use some beans! We host some high-end clients, and we wouldn’t want anyone to complain about us…”

I objected, “Oh, come on! Everyone has different ideas on what strength coffee should be! Besides, who would complain about this place?”

As if on cue, an older woman in a pant suit entered into the facility. “Hi, I’m Celine Stubblefield! I contacted you recently about the new wing of the art museum…”

“Great! Let’s discuss it in my office!” Mister Macquire invited her. “Penelope, would you make our distinguished visitor some coffee?”

“Uh, it looks like there’s a fresh pot already made…” Celine pointed out. He stood there like she slapped him in the face, and as I basked in this triumph, Celine did a double-take at me. “You look familiar…”

That comment caught me off guard. “I do? Oh, maybe you recognize me from the community theatre!”

Celine contemplated that matter for a spell. “No… It was something more recent… Oh, I’ve got it! You were one of those folks at the mall fighting that monster!”

“Ah… Um, I didn’t… That wasn’t me!” I stuttered slightly from her recollection.

“Are you certain?” Celine challenged me. “You look an awful lot like that anxious young woman throwing some cannabis into a monster’s mouth!”

I cringed that this our of anything was what she remembered about me! Mister Macquire ogled at me in a judgmental fashion, so I had to fib, “Well, obviously, that wasn’t me! I’m not young- I’m almost middle-aged!”

Celine pursed her lips. “Really? I could’ve sworn…”

“On second thought, I do need to make more coffee!” I sprang out of my chair and sped towards the coffeemaker. “Now that I think about it, I’m pretty positive this is decaf!”

“Decaf? What’s the purpose of drinking that if it doesn’t wake you up?” Celine kidded.

Mister Macquire seemed really relieved to see her off of the previous subject. “Alright! Shall we?” He gestured towards his office, and Celine gladly headed in there. As I poured the perfectly fine brew down the bathroom sink drain, Mister Macquire shot me a quick glare. Once he left, I sighed and wondered how many encounters like this I would have to undergo…

At the library, a group of teens was chatting away at the table next to us. The blonde gal petitioned her friends, “What? Romeo & Juliet looks totally kickin’!” 

“Sarah, you doofus! We’re not seeing some totally mushy junk on Halloween weekend!” the black-haired guy with his baseball hat on backwards protested.

“It’s not that mushy, Max!” Sarah debated him. “It’s got some dope fight scenes, dude!”

The long, red-maned fellow verbalized, “Oh, yeah! Shakespeare’s so fresh! I’m hella hyped for that! …Psych!”

After throwing a wad of paper at him, Sarah chided the red-maned fellow, “Don’t be such a butthead, Danny! Mary, back me up!”

“It does look fly, but yo, not for Halloween!” Mary, the brunette determined. “What about Sleepers?”

“That looks rad!” Max opined.

Danny disagreed, “As if! Mary just wants to drool over how bodacious Brad Pitt is!”

Mary put her palm up to Danny’s face and ordered, “Talk to the hand, boo!”

Sam gritted his teeth as he followed this conversation. “Ugh! I can’t take any more of this inane chatter!”

“Oh, be nice!” I recommended to him. “It wasn’t that long ago we were teens in the library annoying adults while we talked about how ‘groovy’ and ‘far out’ flicks like The French Connection and Shaft were!”

“Those movies came out twenty-five years ago, so it kinda was a long time ago!” Beck thought about that for a moment, and then he remarked, “Damn! I bummed myself out!”

The teenagers laughed uproariously about something, and Sam griped, “Why did we sit in the Young Adults’ section anyway?”

I reminded him, “We were kicked out of the grown-ups’ side for being too loud.”

“We were not that loud!’ Sam refuted that accusation.

“Ah, this is so good! Listen to this: ‘She is mine- oh, yes/ She is mine! But I do not own her,/ for no one in this/ dreadful universe/ could ever own the/ night!’ Brilliant!” Sally hugged a book of Greek poetry tightly against her chest.

Sam’s memory was fully caught after listening to her melodrama. “Oh, right!”

I addressed the other three, “This is fine! With so many other discussions going on, no one is going to listen too closely to us! Now, let’s focus on what’s important at this second- Have we learned anything about Pandora’s Box?”

“Zeus was kind of a douche!” Beck put in. “Why would he give someone a box if they can’t ever open it?”

“What about the key?” I prompted him.

Sally shook her head. “They all say the same thing– it was opened, and then she closed it. It doesn’t mention how she locked it back up! I dunno why- that sounds like an interesting story too!”

I asked my besties, “Okay. Well, what about potential monsters we could face?”

“There a myriad of mythological creatures listed in various texts,” Sam reported. “None of them specifically indicate that they belong to Halorykta or habitate in California!”

“I’m curious about the giants,” Sally brought up. “Exactly how large is their… size?”

Beck posed to Sally, “Really? You’d go to bed with a monster?”

Sally shrugged. “If it’d help save the world! I mean, it’s something we haven’t tried yet!”

“That’s some play you guys are writing!” Luke conveyed to us as he strolled into the youthful quarters.

“Play? What, are you high?” Beck broadcast to him. “And, why aren’t you sharing?”

Luke used his noggin to gesture to the adolescent boy standing next to him. “You know… The script you’re writing…”

Beck caught onto his ploy. “Oh, that! Yeah, none of this stuff really happened to us!” 

“It is a ridiculous plot, really,” Sam opined. “No one would believe it’s reality!”

“Don’t worry! We won’t interrupt your… writing session for too long! My nephew and I will go to the other side of the room to work on his essay, and it’s gonna be a completely normal evening!” Luke reassured us. Suddenly, commotion was heard around the corner, and Luke rubbed his temples in frustration. “When I said that, I didn’t mean to imply that this was the new normal!”

New Trouble, Chapter 15

“Don’t worry- I didn’t forget about you!” I reassured Scully as I entered into the Hecate House. “I was treating my friends to dinner to pay them back for helping me fix this place up! You’ve seen them here!” I filled her bowl, and as she merrily munched on her kibble, I went on, “It was fine except Sally tried to hit on the guy at the table next to us, and then he tried to hit on Beck! It took Beck a long time to realize it, too! I don’t know who got more jealous- Sally or Beck’s girlfriend!” I tittered at that recent memory, and then I frowned as I recalled another one. “When Belle used the restroom, I mentioned my theory about Luke being the key, and Sally was all like, ‘That doesn’t mean you can’t date him!’ Ugh! They knew all along that I have feelings for him? Oh, I just wanted to disappear into the walls and never return, I was so embarrassed! Yes, it does sound like they approve, which is what I was scared of originally, but now, if I’m right about him being the key, how could I date him? He’s the key to Pandora’s Box, and he could get used to unleash an apocalyptic force onto the world- it seems irresponsible to keep him so close to me, especially when a goddess who wants the key keeps summoning me to her lair! I can’t risk the world ending just for a bit of romance- I’m not crazy! Well, I am spilling my guts out to a cat! And the scary thing is I think you’re listening!” I glanced around the room as if I needed to address another person close to me. No one else was there, so I stated, “Someone’s listening anyway…”

When Scully was sated, she rubbed herself against my legs. I pet her, and I promised her, “Aww! It’s okay! It won’t be long before we’re roommates! I’ll have this home fixed up soon!” A cabinet door in the kitchen randomly fell off of its hinges, so I corrected my previous sentence, “Well, it depends on your definition of soon…!”

Back in my apartment, I stepped into the shower before bedtime. I turned the knob for the water, and nothing came out! I put on a towel and called the super. He gruffly greeted me, “What?”

“Uh… I just wanted to report that my water went out,” I gingerly told him. “I’m in unit-!”

“Yes, yes! I know! I had to shut it off ‘cause there’s a major leak in the building! God, you people can’t give me a minute to get a notice out about it!” the super griped. “Shouldn’t you all be sleeping by now?’

I shot back, “I’m trying to go to bed! Bathing helps me relax!”

He snapped, “Yeah, well, find another way to relax! It’ll be out all night!” He hung up, so I put down my receiver and sighed.

Scully got startled when I reentered into the Hecate House. “Sorry! I just need to use the shower!” She gazed at me questioningly, so I defended myself, “What? I can’t go into work with oily hair! And, I wanna sleep well tonight! And, you’re a cat, so I’m just gonna do what I want!”

I shone the flashlight upwards, and I was already having misgivings about this decision. I owned this property, but it still felt like I was encroaching on somewhere I wasn’t supposed to visit! I distracted myself from this notion by observing the pictures on the wall. I smiled to see a school picture of mine, and it was cute to see one of my mom as a little girl! And then…

At the end, I saw a portrait of my great, great-grandmother, Hecate, on her wedding day! It was thrilling to have that piece of history in my possession, but it seemed strange to me that the bride and groom both looked so unhappy! I mean, I know individuals from that era never smiled for photographs, but usually you could see a sparkle in their eyes or a glow on their cheeks suggesting they were suppressing a grin, but in this picture, Hecate truly appeared unhappy! It was so strange to me because those love letters I found were so romantic! Why was she so miffed on her wedding day…?

I set the flashlight down in a manner that had it illuminate the entire bathroom, and I convinced myself that this would be fine. I began to disrobe, and I got cold feet! I grabbed all of my things, fled downstairs, and bid farewell to Scully, “See you tomorrow!”

The corporation was quiet until I burst in! The secretary nearly dropped the file in her hand upon my entrance, and then she hesitantly regarded me, “Excuse me, ma’am, but we don’t have our restrooms open to the public!”

“Oh, no! I’m here for the file clerk position!” I corrected her misimpression. “I had an interview scheduled for noon, but I’m running a bit late…”

“I see…” The secretary clearly became dismayed to learn this. “Well, Missus Abdul is running a bit late with her last one, so you’re in luck! Just have a seat, and she should be out shortly.”

I beamed at her graciously despite her obvious judgment of me. I took off my overcoat to show off the nice blouse I had on, and I straightened out my pony to keep it normal-looking enough to hide the unshampooed mess it really was. I sat down on a plush chair, and the guy next to me gave me a side eye. I was already having my doubts about potentially working for this establishment, but I was determined not to waste my time and decided to stay.

Missus Abdul emerged at twelve fifteen. She sat me down and instructed me, “Tell me about yourself.”

“Well, I have a degree in business, and-” I began to fill her in.

“No, who are you?” Missus Abdul probed. “We all wear different hats in life- which one is on you right now?”

I blinked in confusion. “Um… A working hat?”

It didn’t go up from there! She had a ton of existential questions, and I wish I had prepped with Belle because it was right up her alley! This charade went on for several minutes, and by the time we were done, it was twelve-thirty-five! I was already five minutes late back from lunch, and it would still take a few minutes to get back to Mister Macquire’s office! I rushed as fast as I could, and when I sat down, I was all out of breath! I was just drumming up some excuses for my tardiness when…

“Penelope!” Mister Macquire marched up ot my desk with a frown on his visage. I braced myself for the worst, but then he relayed to me, “I’m sorry if I missed any calls! I was in the middle of something, and I just didn’t wanna be interrupted!”

“You didn’t get any calls!” I lied. I glanced at the answering machine, and I saw a couple of messages waiting to be heard.

He exhaled in alleviation. “Oh, good! I’m gonna go on an early lunch, so if anyone calls, just give me their details later.”

I gladly agreed, “You got it!”

Mister Macquire started to leave, but then he circled back and apprised me, “Go lighter on the mousse! It’s making your hair look greasy!” I crinkled my nose at his bluntness, but all things considered, I got off easy!

After I clocked out, I walked into Goldi Locks. Kitty jovially greeted me, “Penny! Mija! Oof- are we here for a shampoo?”

“They turned off the water at Artemis Arms!” I informed her as I roosted myself at the washing station. “It’s probably back on by now, but I just needed to see a friendly face!”

“What’s going on?” Kitty inquired as she rinsed my hair.

I regaled her, “Well, for starters, I skipped my lunch break to go on an interview, and that was a disaster! I snuck and ate my sandwich at my desk, and if Mister Macquire had seen me do that, I would’ve been canned for sure! Then, this weekend, I had to deal with yet another-!” I stopped myself before I accidentally blurted out about my supernatural woes to the one person in Adonis Shores who thought I was normal! 

Kitty pressed me, “What is it? You can tell me anything!”

“I know, but… it’s not something I wanna discuss in public!” I finally came up with a method of being honest with her! Oh sure, she probably assumed I had a feminine health issue, but that was better than trying to explain the truth!

“Oh, gosh! That’s a lot to deal with!” Kitty sympathized with me. “What about the handsome dude you met recently? Did you get his number?”

I responded, “Yeah, but I haven’t called him yet ‘cause…”

Kitty advised me, “Call him! You’ll feel a lot better if you go on a nice date! That’s what I keep telling my son about the girl he likes- if he doesn’t ask her out soon, he may lose her! Do you want that to happen?”

“No, but…” I wanted to justify my reluctance, but how was I supposed to explain the key thing to someone not privy to that world?

“Uh-uh! No buts!” Kitty insisted. “You call him and go have fun! You’ll regret it if you don’t!”

As I paid her a couple of dollars, I privately deemed her as correct. I certainly didn’t want ot miss my chance with him, but it was a little more complicated than mere nerves…

The next day, I walked into a crowded steakhouse, and the hostess greeted me, “Welcome to Frizzlers! Party of one?”

“No, I’m meeting my mom here.” I was partly curious why she assumed I would be dining solo, but I wasn’t in the mood to argue. “She would’ve refused to give you her first name and would’ve insisted you call her Missus Alexander. Her name is Helen, just FYI!”

“Oh, yes! Right this way!” She grabbed a menu and led me toward a table.

She halted in front of a booth where a somewhat geeky man in a suit sat, and the hostess announced, “Here you are!” 

I was flabbergasted by how egregious her error appeared! Still, I tried to avoid coming across as mean as I addressed her, “Um, he is not my mom…”

“No, but you can call me Daddy!’ the man lecherously invited me.

“Charming! No, thank you!” I asserted. I turned to the hostess and notified her, “My mom is Helen… He doesn’t quite look like a Helen…”

The waitress briefed me, “Actually, she made the reservation for Mister Foster here!”

He happily extended his hand toward me. “You must be Missus Alexander’s daughter! She told me so much about you!”

“Yes, I wish I could say the same about you!” I shook his hand quite reluctantly, and as the hostess left, I cringed because now I was alone with him. I took a seat across from Mister Foster, and I mumbled, “Yes, I’m the daughter of ‘Missus Alexander!’ She’s so proud of her last name, even though she married a man with the same one as her maiden name!”

“So, what do you do?” he conversed.

I unenthusiastically conveyed to him, “Well, at the moment, I’m a receptionist for an architect.”

He quizzed me, “No! What do you do in the bedroom?”

“Wow! You’re so classy! Where did my mom pick you up from? A dive bar or a sleazy motel?” I retorted.

“I’m her banker at Bells Cargo,” he commented.

My eyes widened at that premise. “That reminds me… I’ve been meaning to switch to a credit union…”

He affirmed, “But, if doing it in at one of those places is your thing, I’d be down with it!” I buried my head in my hands, and he catechized, “What does that mean? Did I excite you?”

“Did you excite me? Are you really that moronic?” I lifted my head up, and I saw a crystal above me! “Oh! That! That means… I gotta go to the bathroom! Excuse me!”

“Do you want me to join you?” he called after me.

As I ran, I beseeched him, “Please, don’t!”

When I landed in Halorykta’s cavern palace, I saw Beck in his electrician’s uniform, Sally in a cute witch’s costume, and Sam in a knight’s attire. Sam grumped, “I hope the Game Master saves my turn! I bet the hubris of my opponent is extremely elevated under the assumption that he performed authentic magic on me!”

“Look, Sam! Cool it! None of us wanted to be here!” Sally reacted to his complaint.

“I did!” I disagreed. The other three gawked at me in disbelief, so I clarified, “My mom set me up with her creepy banker!”

Sally wondered, “Is his last name Foster?” I glimpsed at her in surprise, so she illuminated me, “He was a customer at my store! An old lady complained ‘cause he was walking around the aisles with a huge-.”

Halorykta cleared her throat, “Ah-hem! Hello? Me here!”

“What do you want?” I folded my arms as I awaited her reply.