From a while back I scratched out a short story using the above. I thought I’d refresh and relaunch it… hope you enjoy
It all began in a small wood near Chipping Granite just outside of Stratford. Sunday morning at ten when the Rev. Worple Le Posset was walking Jericho, his Puddle an unlikely combination of pug and poodle. ‘What’s that, boy?’ The dog spun in circles as the shards of rainbow colours scattered on the ground.
The Rev looked up as his theological training had taught him to do when seeking enlightenment and, for once, he received the gift of insight rather than the burden of neck pain. ‘Bloody heck.’
It took four stout yeopersons from the village to scale the twisted beech and retrieve what turned out to be the biggest diamond the world had seen. Weighing in at nearly fourteen pounds, the rock captured a nation’s imagination for, well, about thirteen hours before an even bigger rock was found in a dumpster between Fifth Avenue and Forty-Fifth Street by an unlikely combination of Millicent Plankton, an occasional cocktail waitress and amateur seismologist and Parsons Rantwimble, dog podiatrist and sumo wrestler.
Parsons happened to be practicing a particularly unlikely manoeuvre for his upcoming bout, when Millicent stepped outside her apartment with a new tester she’d got off eBay; his fart and her sensitivity to unusual tremours caused her to seek refuge in the nearest structurally solid space – namely the dumpster. When Parsons went to apologise and help her out he found, not someone ready to pass judgement but a giggling mess. For Millicent had found the second diamond, this time twenty-one pounds of carboniferous beneficence.
After that, more and increasingly sizeable rocks began to appear across the globe. News hounds sought out the latest discovery – nature’s lottery winners as the finders were being described – and scientists pondered how such extraordinary events could be occurring.
Meanwhile at Nineteen Olympus Drive, Valhalla, Pallas Athene was just finishing with her book group. ‘Electra, dear, do you think, next time you could leave practicing the snogging a bit. All that slurping makes it hard to hear what others are saying.’
‘I don’t see why, if bloody Oedipus can get his end away.’
‘I know. Atlas told me what he said last night.’
‘Was he in the Foothills?’
‘Apparently Zeus heard…’
‘I warned him it would get out.’
‘Anyway, next time we’ll do that book you mentioned by that new God. What did you say his name was, Phoebe?’
‘Jehosophat? Something like that. He’s asking for beta readers. Keen to see if we think there’s any chance of it finding an audience. He’s very keen.’
‘It’s Jehovah, darling. It’s not going to sell, you know. Thousands of pages and ends in fire and brimstone.’
‘Shush, Electra, I’ve told you about spoilers. But, really? Not a happy ending? How capricious.’
‘I know. So last eon.’
‘How’s Horace? Haven’t heard a peep. Such a credit, Pallas.’
‘Hmm, yes. He is a bit quiet. I think I’ll go and check. Look, off you shoot and I’ll see you next time. His Uncle Loki sent him a new toy. Something about showing compassion to your serfs.’
‘Now, that is modern. Doesn’t sound like the Loki I know. Did I tell you about that time we spent a week at Neptune’s place. There were these Sirens…’
‘Stop it, Electra. See you next week.’
Pallas shut the door and floated up to Horace’s room. He sat at his desk, pressing his hands together. On the tabletop sat a cauldron of something dark and, frankly, disgusting.
‘What are you doing?’
‘Oh hi, Mum. This is great. Look.’ Horace opened his hands to reveal an enormous translucent rock. ‘It’s a diamond. I’ve been researching and apparently on my Earth,’ he waved at the planet spinning in the corner of his room, ‘these are highly prized. So I’ve been dropping them here and there. Look,’ he pointed at a brown dusty area near the white icy bit, ‘that’s a desert. Hardly anyone there so I’ll pop the stone here and…’ he spun the earth a few times, winding on the days, keeping an eye on where he’d placed the gem. ‘There, see. See what’s happened.’
Pallas peered at the flabbergasted shepherd whose 4×4 had just careered off the road, as the driver spotted this enormous diamond. The shepherd scratched his head and pulled out his mobile. As Pallas watched, people appeared from all around and fighting began. Guns were pulled and a riot was clearly on the cards.
‘Horace, look at them. They’re fighting. Is that what you want? I know essentially you have to be capricious but that doesn’t mean causing such disruption.’
‘But Loki said I was being generous,’ Horace whined. ‘They like diamonds.’
‘Your uncle has a somewhat offbeat sense of humour. I’m sure they’ve enjoyed they’re moments of excitement but it’s time you stopped the world for a moment and collected the stones. They’ll wonder where they went, I know, but it’ll soon just be another myth.’ She shook her head. ‘They’ll probably start another religion.’ She felt in her apron pocket and pulled out a book. ‘In fact, why not put this thing somewhere. Someone might like it. Sort of test drive it.’
Horace sniffed at the tome. ‘What’s is it?’
‘Something called the Bible. There’s this itinerant god looking for an outlet. I don’t suppose he’ll get far but it might give him a bit of a leg up, get him a bit of practice. He’ll be a seven day wonder, I expect. At least that seems to be what chapter one is all about.’
‘Mum, the Earth’s my toy. Why do I have to share?’
‘Because I say so. Now, you go and collect those diamonds.’
‘They’ll miss them, Mum.’
‘Tsk, silly boy. Everyone knows diamonds aren’t forever.’
