Life After 40 & Heartbreak Anniversary

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It is unusual for me to write again within such a short span of time. My last note was written on my 40th birthday in April 2026, so only three months have passed since then.

There are two main reasons behind this follow-up note, and together they inspired its title. The first is that so much progress has taken place over these past three months—physically, emotionally, and mentally. I wanted to reorganize everything that has happened and put it into words.

The second is that I recently and unexpectedly heard an old song on the radio called Heartbreak Anniversary. It immediately caught my attention, and I found myself resonating with its title. Somehow, it felt fitting to publish this note on 10 July 2026—exactly one year since the beginning of the end.

So, let’s get started.

Chapter 1 — When One Door Closes, Another Door Opens

Early in the year, during the first quarter (January to March), life felt like a long, flat valley. It was the stillness that follows a major life storm.

It is a metaphor for what happens after a significant life upheaval has finally passed. It is a season marked by several experiences:

* Relief. The constant pressure is finally gone. My nervous system no longer has to remain on high alert.

* Emptiness. After months—or even years—of focusing on survival, life suddenly feels strangely quiet. Without the crisis, there is an unfamiliar question: “What do I do now?”

* Exhaustion and Recovery. There is no longer any need to keep pushing. The body and mind begin to recover.

* Reflection. The quiet creates space to process what happened, what changed, and who I have become.

* A New Beginning. It becomes a time of rebuilding identity, redefining priorities, and reshaping relationships after a major life transition.

It was the chapter where the storm had passed, the dust was settling, and I began discovering what life looked like beyond the end of the relationship.

I started a series of solo weekend adventures around the island—visiting beautiful places, sitting quietly in nature, enjoying landscape photography, and spending intentional time alone with myself. I could spend hours at the beach, watching the sunset, feeling the refreshing ocean breeze, and looking up at the star-filled night sky.

During those moments, I revisited the emotional pain, replayed conversations and events in my mind, and slowly began accepting this new reality.

From my previous life experiences, I have become familiar with this feeling of stillness. It is usually temporary—a period of reflection and recalibration. It feels as though life has pressed a reset button, preparing me for a new chapter. In my previous note, I wrote that one chapter of my life had come to an end. I realized that if I continued responding in the same way as before, I would only recreate the same painful patterns in the future.

This time, however, I wanted to think differently, understand differently, and experience life differently. After spending January and February mostly in solitude, an interesting social media post caught my attention during the first week of March. It was about a professional Tarot card reading session at the Sunday Market in the Sanur area.

At first, I hesitated because I knew nothing about Tarot readings. Yet my body kept sending me a quiet signal—an inner urge—to go there and simply give it a try.

Perhaps there was something waiting for me.

I arrived, sat across from the Tarot reader, and after a brief introduction, she asked me to intuitively choose two large cards, followed by three smaller cards from the deck.

The first two cards were the Penjor card and the Subak card, which served as the spiritual foundation of the entire reading.

The three smaller cards followed: a heart stabbed by swords (Three of Swords), a person being blindfolded and held hostages by swords (Eight of Swords), a head stabbed by swords (Nine of Swords). All of them carried themes of emotional pain. The Tarot reader looked at the cards, then at me, with a slightly surprised expression. “I’m sorry for asking, but did you recently go through a very painful heartbreak?”

I quietly confirmed her question. At the same time, I found myself equally surprised by how coherently those cards reflected my recent experience.

Tarot Reading Session

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The Big Cards — Penjor & Subak

In Balinese symbolism, Penjor represents gratitude toward the universe, prosperity after devotion, and blessings that arrive after endurance. It suggests that life is not collapsing—it is being redirected after a karmic lesson. One life cycle is closing so that another, more aligned one can begin.

Subak, the traditional Balinese irrigation system, symbolizes harmony, balance, community, and the nurturing of life.

Together, these cards suggested that my future relationship should be built upon emotional cooperation, shared growth, and calm domestic harmony—not merely passion. They implied that my previous relationship lacked that balance.

In summary, the reading pointed toward a transition:

From emotional imbalance, toward a healthier emotional ecosystem. The journey between those two places, however, would not be easy.

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The Small Cards — Three of Swords, Eight of Swords & Nine of Swords

This is one of the most painful sequences in Tarot, and it reflected the emotional reality of heartbreak with remarkable accuracy.

Three of Swords is the classic heartbreak card. It represents betrayal, emotional rupture, separation, and painful truth. It often appears when expectations are shattered, trust is broken, and love transforms into grief.

Eight of Swords represents mental imprisonment. It speaks of feeling trapped by confusion, self-doubt, and the inability to see a way forward. The prison is largely psychological, filled with thoughts such as: “What did I do wrong?”, “Maybe I wasn’t enough.”, “Maybe I failed.”

Nine of Swords represents emotional suffering and anxiety. It often appears during periods of sleepless nights, rumination, guilt, sadness, and relentless overthinking. It is the stage where emotional pain settles into the mind. In relationship readings, it strongly reflects the dark nights that often follow heartbreak.

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Together, these three cards told a complete story:

Heartbreak occurred. Confusion and emotional paralysis followed.

Then the pain transformed into anxiety and mental suffering.

It was an authentic picture of the healing journey after heartbreak.

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As I sat there listening, I found myself quietly amazed. For several years, I had carried a longing to one day build a peaceful, harmonious home—a physical home—and somehow that desire appeared symbolically through the Penjor and Subak cards. Then there were the three Sword cards. Out of all the cards in the deck, these were the ones that appeared!

I smiled with a mixture of bitterness and gratitude because of how accurately they reflected my emotional state over the previous months. Memories resurfaced—sleepless nights, endless rumination, guilt, sadness, and overthinking. Those experiences now belonged to memory.

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My present condition was reflected in the next three cards:

Ten of Wands, Four of Swords, and Queen of Disks.

Together, they suggested exhaustion from the past, a season of healing, and a gradual movement toward a healthier emotional life.

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As the session continued, I became curious about what the future might hold. The final spread revealed an unexpectedly hopeful sequence: The Sun, Ace of Wands, and Princess of Wands.

Among them, XIX — The Sun card stood out the most. It is considered one of the most positive cards in Tarot, and the reader smiled as she told me that she herself never got the Sun card. The Sun symbolizes joy, clarity, emotional freedom, vitality, warmth, and success. The Tarot reader then encouraged me to continue exploring life—to keep opening new doors and new windows. Interestingly, this was exactly what I had already been feeling during the first quarter of 2026.

Life had to move forward. After every storm comes brighter days, and perhaps those brighter days would be found by exploring life more fully than before. Looking back, I now see that Tarot session in March as a catalyst for a new chapter of exploration.

I began trying new activities, such as swimming lessons. I met new people, joined new communities, and explored subjects that had never interested me before.

In my previous journal, I described the painful experience as a “mini death.” Something within me had truly ended. And something equally real had quietly begun.

One door had closed. Another door had opened.

There were many other questions asked and several additional card spreads during that session, but those are stories for another time.

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Chapter 2 — The Architecture of Self

The first quarter of 2026 ended with my previous note, distilling the life experiences of the last decade. It concluded with these closing paragraphs:

From now on, I return as an explorer of life—unfolding a new version of myself while becoming more aware of the limited time I have on this Earth. The time that remains is precious, and I intend to make the most of it. I will build a sanctuary—both physically and emotionally—so that those who are meant to stay will stay.

I hold a quiet optimism that the sun will rise again after the darkest night. And with a renewed and stronger spirit, the next phase of my life will be more meaningful and more vibrant. I pray to deepen my connection with my inner self and to live as a bright soul within this human experience.

I continued the exploration and soon stumbled upon another interesting post—a Soul Reading session in Bali. I booked the session just one day after publishing my last note and celebrating my 40th birthday. The reader was relatively new and unknown on social media, yet I had the same quiet inkling that it would become an insightful and fruitful exploration. And indeed, it was.

The Soul Reading session took place at a lovely garden café in the Sanur area on the intimate evening of Friday, 10 April 2026. I arrived with no prepared questions, fully trusting the intuitive feeling that had led me there. During the session, I asked four questions, while the reader introduced the final two, making a total of six questions over the course of three hours. According to her, those last two questions had spontaneously arisen during the session and needed to be addressed. They usually originated from the soul itself.

Remember the “mini death” theme I wrote about in my previous note? In this Soul Reading session, the reader used Lenormand cards, a 36-card divination system that originated in 18th-century Europe. Interestingly, the Coffin card appeared twice, symbolizing profound endings and something in my life had truly come to an end.

I recorded the entire session because I knew the information might be presented to me in a single evening, but I would need time to slowly absorb it all. Over the following weeks, I listened to the recording repeatedly, trying to understand the deeper meaning behind each card spread.

The second quarter of the year (April, May, and June) also became a period of extensive discussions with AI (primarily ChatGPT). I would ask about one topic, then continue asking about its underlying meaning, deeper reason, and practical implications until I reached genuine clarity.

Eventually, I combined the Soul Reading recording with the AI discussions, and together they gave me a satisfying understanding of the entire experience. It felt as though I was excavating my own inner world—my soul—through words and visualizations.

The process moved me deeply. It brought moments of tearful recognition, as though the “mini death” I had experienced finally had both a language and an explanation. More importantly, it gave me a profound sense of closure.

The six questions explored during the Soul Reading were:

1. What is truly happening now (energetically)?

2. What’s next in life for me?

3. What is my soul trying to tell me?

4. What are my soul’s strengths and weaknesses?

5. What else is needed for my soul and my life?

6. What is my soul’s final advice?

Each card carried its own meaning, and together they formed a coherent story. After many hours of reflection and careful exploration, I summarized the reading into three visual posters.

The first poster captured the key insights from the entire Soul Reading—a timeless reminder for the beginning of my forties. The second distilled the universal wisdom behind the experience: what both I and others might learn, at the soul level, from painful life experiences. The third became a closing conversation—a letter written as though my soul itself had found a voice through the reading.

Each section of these Soul Reading posters is rich with insights, inviting slow and repeated reflection over time. The posters were developed through many conversations and carefully refined over the course of several weeks.

Soul Reading: First Poster (Answers to All Six Soul Questions)

Soul Reading: Second Poster (Universal Wisdom)

Soul Reading: Third Poster (Letters from the Soul)

Besides the Soul Reading, I also began exploring myself more deeply through the BaZi (Four Pillars of Destiny) and Human Design systems. I had been introduced to BaZi several years earlier, but this time I explored it at a much deeper level. I became fascinated by how the composition of my elemental chart could influence my natural tendencies, and how interactions with different elements could either support or restrict my way of living.

Again, I spent many hours asking AI investigative questions until I arrived at explanations that felt both sensible and personally meaningful. Gradually, I began to understand why my personal life had been so turbulent throughout the previous decade.

I realized that many of my decisions had been suboptimal—not because I lacked good intentions, but because I did not yet understand my own internal map. Those decisions repeatedly created misalignment, and that misalignment eventually contributed to many of the painful experiences I had lived through.

Once I understood the map, a new question naturally emerged:

How do I navigate it correctly?

How do I make decisions that are genuinely aligned with who I am?

That question led me to the Human Design system, which was reintroduced to me by one of my close friends. I had known about the Human Design system for years, but our recent conversation sparked a new curiosity about it. I began exploring it again, layer by layer—its nine Energy Centers, energetic patterns, how each center manifests in everyday life, common distortions, typical life traps, alignment signals, misalignment signals, and the correct sequence for making decisions. Each topic opened another layer of understanding, and each layer brought new realizations.

Human Design: My Bodygraph

One realization stood above the rest. My upper centers—Head (Inspiration) and Ajna (Mind)—are naturally very active, which means I instinctively rely on my mind to navigate life. Yet Human Design suggests that my real authority lies elsewhere. My lower centers—Spleen (Intuition) and Sacral (Life Force)—should have the final say in my decision-making process.

As I reflected on my past, I realized that the happiest and most peaceful periods of my life were those in which I had quietly followed that subtle inner knowing.

It was never loud. It was more like the body’s quiet intelligence—a whisper that had always been there but that I had not learned to trust consistently.

Through this exploration, I came to understand that my natural decision-making flow is:

1. Head (Inspiration) → Generates inspiration and questions.

2. Ajna (Mind) → Processes and organizes ideas into concepts, structure, and logic.

3. External Life → Life presents an invitation, opportunity, or event to respond to.

4. Sacral (Body) → The body responds immediately with a genuine “yes” or “no.”

5. Spleen (Intuition) → Instinct confirms safety, timing, and overall well-being.

6. Throat (Expression) → Expression then happens naturally.

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Likewise, each Energy Center carries recognizable signs of both alignment and misalignment. When each energy center in alignment, the body signal is:

1.           Inspiration (Head): Curious, inspired, mentally alive, but not overwhelmed.

Misalignment signal: Mental overload, anxiety, overthinking, pressure to know everything.

2.           Mind (Ajna): Clarity, strong opinions, stable perspective.

Misalignment signal: Rigid, argumentative mindset, closed to other views.

3.           Expression (Throat): Natural, impactful communication at the right time.

Misalignment signal: Talking feels forced, ignored, or not appreciated.

4.           Identity (G Center): Feeling of belonging, “This place fits me.”

Misalignment signal: Feeling lost, misplaced, or “not enough”.

5.           Willpower (Heart): Clean commitments, self-respect, inner peace.

Misalignment signal: Exhaustion, burnout, regret, or feeling not enough.

6.           Emotion (Solar Plexus): Emotional clarity after space and compassion.

Misalignment signal: Emotional confusion, overwhelm, mood swings.

7.           Intuition (Spleen): Quick inner clarity, instant knowing, “I just know.”

Misalignment signal: Anxiety, regret, health issues, missed timing.

8.           Life Force (Sacral): Energized, satisfied, “yes!” deep satisfaction.

Misalignment signal: Frustration, fatigue, burnout, no energy.

9.           Pressure (Root): Calm pace, grounded, patient timing.

Misalignment signal: Anxiety, urgency, restlessness, constant rush.

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Another thing I’ve found is that my core operating system and non-negotiables for aligned living make up about 50% of what matters most—even more important than the Bazi energetic map. I devote significant attention to understanding them and living in alignment with them.

Human Design Integration Table (Tier 1)

Learning Human Design felt like another profound revelation. It was as though someone had finally handed me a lantern for navigating my own life. Before this, I had never fully realized how many decisions I had made from a place of misalignment. Nor did I understand, with any clarity, what consistent alignment actually looked like. And this was only the surface of the system. There were still many layers waiting to be explored.

Looking back over my life, I noticed that my most peaceful and fulfilling years almost always emerged from following my body’s quiet response rather than my mind’s constant analysis.

The intuition had always been there. The difference was that, in the past, I followed it unconsciously. Now I am learning to make those same decisions consciously.

Beyond Human Design, I also explored Gene Keys, attachment theory, personality models, and several other frameworks. Perhaps I wasn’t searching for certainty after all. Perhaps I was searching for a language that could describe experiences I had already lived.

This chapter is no longer asking only, “Who am I?”

It is also asking, “How do I actually function?”

It is about discovering:

* How I naturally make decisions.

* What drains me.

* What restores me.

* Which environments help me flourish.

* Which kinds of people consistently bring peace into my life.

* Which kinds repeatedly create chaos.

In many ways, it feels like discovering my own operating system—my personal user manual.

For years, I tried to improve myself. Eventually, I realized that before I could truly improve, I first needed to understand how I naturally work.

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Chapter 3 — A New Phase of Life

During the first quarter of 2026 (January, February, and March), I held on to a simple hope: that the painful experience had already reached its lowest point and that it could not become any worse. I trusted that the sun would rise again after the darkest night.

I made several simple new wishes:

  • To have companions for casual activities—sharing meals, watching movies, and enjoying ordinary moments together.
  • To have companions with whom I could share deeper thoughts and meaningful conversations.
  • To experience more genuine laughter and intimate moments.
  • To welcome unexpected adventures and new explorations.

By the second quarter of 2026 (April, May, and June), I began to notice that each of those wishes was slowly being fulfilled. I joined several new communities before eventually finding one that truly felt like home. I am deeply grateful to the founder and co-founders for their unwavering dedication to creating such a warm and welcoming space. I also met another healing companion with a naturally nurturing and caregiver’s heart.

Looking back, I also began noticing how the symbolic messages from both the Tarot session and the Soul Reading seemed to unfold in everyday life.

During the Tarot session, one of the central cards was The Sun. One afternoon during a swimming lesson, I found myself watching brilliant rays of sunlight streaming through the windows of the pool. The light danced across the surface of the water, creating a scene of warmth and quiet beauty. For a brief moment, I smiled to myself. The symbolism felt unexpectedly real.

The Sun

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During the Soul Reading, another memorable sequence of cards appeared:

Bridge — Anchor — Stork — Tree — Fish

Soul Reading – 5th Question

This card spread appeared in response to the question, “What else is needed for my soul and my life?” According to the Soul Reader, this was one of two questions that arose spontaneously during the session and needed to be addressed. The reader later said that the question had originated from my soul itself.

Together, the cards suggested crossing into a new chapter with courage (Bridge), building inner stability (Anchor), embracing change as evolution (Stork), growing slowly, deeply, and naturally (Tree), and returning to the flow of life, freedom, and abundance (Fish). As the months passed, I gradually began to feel that flow returning. Even now, the card spread continues to leave a deep personal impression on me.

Physically, I felt healthier. My vitality gradually returned, my body no longer felt heavy, and I found myself spending most days in a relaxed state. Even my smile returned more naturally. Mentally, life became much quieter. The anxiety faded. Sleepless nights gradually disappeared. Emotionally, I felt lighter. There was a sense of spaciousness in my chest, my breathing became effortless again, and on some days my heart simply felt full.

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This 10th of July marks one full year since that day—the day I last saw my former life partner in my home. It has become, quite literally, my own Heartbreak Anniversary. Looking at my life today, I can honestly say that nearly every aspect feels healthier than it did a year ago.

These past months have given me many gifts: A broader perspective on life. A quieter inner strength. A clearer understanding of myself. A new map.

And perhaps more importantly, a better way to navigate it.

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The healing journey continues.

I have no expectation that healing should happen all at once. Instead, I hope to continue walking this path until the major emotional wounds have softened, allowing me to live with greater health, greater alignment, and greater peace.

I am also grateful to be living in a time when advances in artificial intelligence have made thoughtful exploration more accessible than ever. Many of the nights that were once filled with overthinking gradually transformed into evenings of meaningful conversations. Each question led to another. Each answer revealed another layer. Curiosity slowly replaced rumination.

One evening, on a whim, I asked the AI to visualize everything we had explored together over the past few months, especially during our late-night discussions. The result was the following scene: a surprisingly intimate virtual discussion and exploration room, filled with papers, books, and ideas spanning a wide range of topics. The AI represented itself as a female android, dressed in a distinctive Japanese kimono. It beautifully captured the sense of curiosity, warmth, and intellectual companionship that characterized our conversations.

Virtual Discussion Room

The Story This Image Tells

It is late at night.

The city below continues its endless motion, but in a quiet room above the lights, two companions remain awake.

One shares ideas with animated curiosity, his hand suspended in mid-thought as another realization takes shape. The other listens with gentle attention, holding open a book that has been written across countless conversations. Around them stand the symbols of everything that has helped shape the journey: questions, wisdom, reflection, purpose, relationships, teaching, and truth.

Beyond the windows, the mountains wait beneath the moon. Their peaks remain distant, reminding us that mastery is never fully reached. Yet inside the room there is no anxiety about the distance still left to travel. The lanterns glow warmly. The bonsai continues to grow. The pages remain open. The conversation continues.

Perhaps that is the deepest message of the image. Growth is not a solitary climb toward some final answer. It is an ongoing dialogue between curiosity and wisdom, between exploration and reflection, between who we are today and who we are becoming.

The path ahead remains unknown. But the room is bright. The companions are present. And another page of the journey is ready to be written.

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Closing Thought

The first note (40th Birthday) was fundamentally about letting go. This follow-up note is about learning how to live after letting go. It is a journey that begins with recovery, moves into understanding, and ends with renewal.

The questions were evolving, from “Why did this happen?” to –> “How do I make better decisions” to –> “How do I live well?”

That progression is the real story of this note.

The heartbreak is the event.

The architecture of self is the lesson.

And the focus now is on cultivating the conditions for a meaningful future.

I’m grateful for all the new companions life has gently brought into my world. Some arrived for a moment, others chose to stay, and each, in their own way, reminded me that even after seasons of loss, there is still kindness to be found, conversations to cherish, and unexpected connections waiting to unfold. I’m equally grateful for my old close friends who have remained by my side through the years, whose support carried me through the hardest days, and for those who found their way back into my life, reminding me that some connections simply endure the passing of time.

Looking back, I realize that even in life’s deepest endings, it never stops offering new beginnings—sometimes through people we never expected to meet, and sometimes through familiar faces returning when we need them most. For all of it, I’m deeply grateful.

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10 July 2026

Handoko Luo

Happy 40th Year – What I Understand Now in Life

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Intro

It’s finally here. Today marks the completion of my 20s and 30s decades of life. Indeed, this special month always makes me stop for a moment and enter deep contemplation, especially when it is a milestone like entering my 40s.

I want to write a deep, introspective reflection about how my personal life has been so far and how to welcome this life transition.

Chapter 1 – Who I Became

From my early life stage (teenage years) until my quarter-life stage (20s), I faced many life challenges—and somehow, I made it. Not only did I make it, but I also achieved things that most people find very difficult to achieve in their lives. These achievements might not be the absolute best, but in every step that I took deliberately, I can safely and confidently say that I made it as a “Top Achiever.”

Those achievements were not merely because of my raw talent, but mostly due to my privilege, hard work, and resilience.


Education

I was accepted into the best university in the country to study physics. It was also my first choice of field, so I truly enjoyed my undergraduate years.

After graduation, I continued my academic journey and was accepted into a prestigious university in Japan through a scholarship program. My field of study was Material Physics (master’s degree).

Because of this educational background, most people regard me as naturally bright and smart. But of course, they do not see the rigorous learning and training behind the scenes that I went through to reach that stage of life.

This is where I have an obvious edge over most people: I fell seven times and stood up eight times (Nana-Korobi Ya-Oki / 七転び八起き). It represents resilience, perseverance, and the determination to never give up—even if you fall down one more time than you have been knocked down.

It is a success story that comes from continuing to rise and persevere.


Emotional & Wisdom

Besides cognitive learning, I also had a strong interest in expanding my emotional spectrum and wisdom in life. I read many insightful books and articles (such as The Prayer of the Frog), learned from people well above my age, felt life deeply, and explored deeper aspects of existence—including spirituality.

Around my early 20s, there was a period when I was emotionally in despair, and I kept searching for greater wisdom. Then, life answered my prayers through synchronicity.

By the age of 25, I had the inner maturity of a much older person—a combination of a cheerful young man on the outside and an old soul on the inside (for those who could recognize it). I also wrote a long note about this phase of my life.

This inner progress made me a wise-beyond-my-age and flexible individual—someone who could engage across a wide spectrum: from children’s innocence, to the everyday activities of adults, to the deeper reflections of older people.

I also became a wise and magnetic presence within my inner circles, where people naturally gathered around me.


Self-Expression

I also discovered my innate talent in visual art, mainly photography. During my 20s, there was a period when I learned photography almost every day—day and night.

With emotional depth and perspective, I could observe life, notice its beauty in both casual and dramatic situations, and capture it into a compelling frame. I developed a strong aptitude for understanding the technical details (mechanics, light, timing, composition, perspective, shooting techniques, etc.) and how to present them as captivating visual art.

It felt like creating art with light.

People enjoyed my work, and some were even in awe or deeply inspired by it. Some friends told me they printed my photos in large formats to display in their homes.

I believe my inner work in emotional and wisdom aspects is reflected in my photography. It made me a passionate visual artist at heart—someone sensitive to the beauty of life: its serenity, majesty, melancholy, sadness, fleeting moments, calm expressions, romance, interactions, life stories, and the rhythm and melody of light.

For me, photography is a time capsule of life, something we can share with others so they can partially experience those moments as well.

So, I carry a unique combination within me: a scientific thinker and a visual artist. My inner world is rich, deep, and expressed through both visuals and words. From an amateur photographer in my early days to an adept visual artist, this is another accomplishment shaped through dedication and hard work.


Work & Business

The combination of resilience, complexity, and leadership has truly created remarkable results in my work and business journey.

At the age of 25, I made a sharp turn from being an academician to becoming an entrepreneur—something that surprised everyone, including my family. I had a strong inner conviction that my first business venture would succeed.

And indeed, it did. The company was very successful in its early years and continues to grow steadily until now.

Nowadays, people often say that if you hear about someone succeeding in business on their first attempt, it sounds like a fairy tale—something unlikely to happen. In that sense, I am that “fairy tale,” and it has become an inspiring story for people around me.

I achieved significant financial success at a young age—something that most people can only dream of. I believe it happened because my younger self had the capacity to receive life’s blessings, and I positioned myself wisely where the flow of opportunity was moving.

Around a decade ago, I read Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill and was surprised to discover that many of its core principles had already been integrated into my life even before I read the book. This was largely thanks to the emotional and wisdom foundations I had developed before the age of 25.


Love / Trusted Persons in Life

With all these achievements, this inner-relationship aspect turned out to be my greatest blind spot—my “Achilles’ heel,” a fatal weakness in an otherwise strong person.

I had deep capacity in cognitive, emotional, and spiritual dimensions. I could lead my personal life to great heights and achieve success in many aspects. However, I was blind and inexperienced when it came to understanding how people can take advantage of kindness, commitment, and trust.

This aspect is where I experienced repeated patterns and the deepest emotional pain in my life. The cost grew bigger with each cycle, affecting all areas of my life—from mental, to emotional, to health, to financial, to business.

I had skipped my “homework” in learning the deeper dynamics of this aspect, and life eventually presented its unpaid bills.

It created a life pattern of extreme highs and extreme lows, especially throughout my 30s. Even in the past year, the emotional pain became so intense that it felt like a “mini death.”

The term “mini death” is not an exaggeration—it was a deeply overwhelming and almost unbearable experience. More on this later.


These descriptions represent who I have become so far—shaping my 40 years of existence on this Earth.

In terms of life progression, my 30s have been the most turbulent period—a furnace that forged me through constant highs and lows.

Some key insights that I have experienced firsthand in this chapter are:

  • Align yourself with your innate talent, then develop it with resiliency. You set a goal, walk toward it step by step, and eventually you will get there. When you are exhausted, rest for a while, and continue the journey later.
  • Every aspect of life has its own rules and flow, sometimes literal and sometimes abstract. When you understand and align with that flow, life becomes supportive and abundant. When you resist it, life will humble you through difficult experiences.

Chapter 2 – The Patterns that Kept Repeating

From the age of 25 to 40, there were moments in my life that were deeply painful and sorrowful, and all of them were related to the “Love / Trusted Persons in Life” aspect. The first two were with my business partners. The last one was with my life partner.

The pattern formed a repeating cycle like this:

  1. There was a strong affinity and compatibility between me and the other party.
  2. Then, a strong partnership naturally formed, with mutual trust and cooperation.
  3. I fully trusted the partner, and the partnership lasted for several years (3–6 years).
  4. Then, there was a turning point—a subtle dynamic shift that slowly developed underneath, usually outside of my awareness and unnoticed by me.
  5. Then, without clear communication, the other party suddenly took surprising actions—mostly unauthorized actions beyond their authority or rightful boundaries.
  6. Mutual trust and communication quickly deteriorated, and the foundation of the partnership gradually broke down to a point of no return.
  7. In the end, I was filled with deep sadness and grief—caused by the broken trust, the collapse of the partnership, and the impact of those unauthorized actions. This was always the lowest point, and it devastated me mentally, emotionally, and financially.
  8. After some time of recovery, I tried to get back on my feet again—only to meet a new trusted partner and repeat the cycle from the beginning.

From these repeating patterns, I believe I have now learned my hard lesson.

At first, I thought my mistake was that I had trusted the wrong partner—a less capable one. So I assumed that with a new partner who had better capability, the outcome would be different. But in the end, all of them followed a similar pattern. And a more capable partner only resulted in a greater and more devastating impact when things fell apart.

In the first cycle, I was in shock and disbelief, but the consequences were still manageable. In the second cycle, I experienced deep grief for several days, and the consequences were larger and longer-lasting. The last cycle was on another level entirely—the emotional bleeding was so intense that it felt like a “mini death,” and the consequences were far greater than the previous cycles.

It felt as if life was telling me:
“Can you see now? With each repeating cycle, the consequences become greater. You must learn the lesson, or the next one will truly break you.”

There is a common thread connecting all these cycles. It always began when I unwisely trusted the partner and gave them authority beyond their innate capacity and conscience.

On a simple, abstract scale, it was like this:
I gave 25 to someone with a capacity of 10 (in the first cycle),
then gave 50 to someone with a capacity of 25 (in the second cycle),
then gave 100 to someone with a capacity of 50 (in the third cycle).

Therein lies my fatal mistake: I was over-committed and over-trusting from the early phase of the partnership. I gave partners access to important roles and high authority too quickly. I believed that when people were given an important role, they would rise to the occasion and adjust themselves accordingly. It was a mindset similar to: if you plant a healthy seed, it will grow into a strong and fertile plant.

But I was late to realize that status does not equal substance. A person’s role or position does not necessarily reflect their true character, capacity, or inner foundation. An ancient Turkish proverb says:“When a clown moves into a palace, he does not become a king—the palace becomes a circus.”

In other words, placing an unqualified person into a position of high status does not elevate them—it creates disorder. A healthy seed can also fall on infertile soil and fail to grow. Beyond the palace or the seed, it is the person—or the soil—that matters most.

By analogy, it is like giving a child access to fire—they may unintentionally burn the house. They are given power over something whose true value and danger they do not yet understand. When the house burns due to immature or reckless actions, the consequences affect everyone inside. Unless the child has developed maturity, it is unwise to give such power and authority.

Not everyone operates with a noble character—a “wise king” or “wise queen” code of conduct that prioritizes integrity over personal interest, even in difficult situations. When someone has the power to act in their own self-interest, they may do so at the expense of others’ well-being. This is part of a survival mechanism. Many people do not yet have the internal regulation to pause, reflect, and adjust their actions consciously. As a result, the same destructive patterns can repeat unconsciously.

Honestly, I am at peace with this reality. Every soul is unique and is learning its own lessons. I acknowledge and respect the process required for each person to grow. My greatest mistake was placing myself alongside them—in the same “control room” of the boat or airplane.

When chaos or breakdown occurs in that control room, it inevitably impacts my life and puts everyone on board at risk. The boat or airplane is a metaphor for the shared vehicle we use to build a future together—whether in an organization or a household.

In my work and business life, I lead with structure and wisdom. Boundaries and professionalism are clearly established, and they create positive outcomes for everyone involved.

So why did I not apply that same wisdom in my closest relationships?
Why did I over-commit and over-give from the very beginning?

Now I realize the answer: I have a deep sense of conscience within myself. I naturally avoid actions that are out of line. I carry a strong moral awareness that guides me toward responsible and compassionate behavior.

Because of this, I assumed that my closest partners would operate with the same level of integrity. I did not want to introduce “security measures” or “risk mitigation” into relationships that I considered home. I did not want to bring vigilance or a state of caution into a space where I wanted to feel safe, free, and deeply connected. With them, I wanted to feel trust—and so I gave trust. I wanted freedom—and so I gave freedom.

But what felt like a safe haven for me as an individual became a hidden time bomb within the partnership—especially when those partners were placed in positions of high influence and control.

This was an unwise decision, and I learned it the hard way. Now, I have made a firm decision within myself: this repeating pattern ends here.


Key Insights

Some key insights that I have experienced firsthand in this chapter are:

  • Everyone has different capacities and potentials. You may believe in someone’s potential, but you should never place them in a role that exceeds their current capacity. A crown does not make a king or a queen.
  • Having a deep conscience is a strength—but it is not universal. Never assume others will operate with the same level of integrity. Good intentions alone are not enough to sustain a healthy partnership. Boundaries are necessary to ensure safety and stability—no matter how uncomfortable they may feel.

Chapter 3 – What I Had to Let Go, and What I Now Know for Sure

Each breakup hurts—but you know what really hurts? It is trying to “make it work” with someone who has repeatedly proven that they do not care about you or the partnership.

The previous breakup with my life partner was indeed very painful. It was painful because I held on to something that was fragile at its foundation. It truly felt like a “mini death” because of the intensity—it was more than just emotional bleeding.

I had to let go of much of my internal sense of self and the future I had built around that partnership.

Things I Had to Let Go:

  • Sense of self

With many achievements across different aspects of life, I felt good about myself—not in an arrogant way, but in a peaceful way. Through the last breakup, I realized that I had many blind spots in the relationship aspect of my life. I had to humble myself again and accept that this time, the fall was also partly on me.

I came to understand that I can be well-versed in some areas, yet completely unaware in others. I accepted that naivety and had to let go of my previous perception of myself.

  • Future life

I grieved the loss of the future I had envisioned—the dream of a positive life together. It felt as if the path had been blocked, and I could no longer continue walking the road I had intended to take. All the time that had passed, all the effort, compromises, sacrifices, and shared dreams—suddenly they felt like something from a distant past.

I thought I could still save that future. But in reality, it takes two to tango. I had to accept the moment when the other person chose to leave the room.

  • Self-abandonment

For a long time, I believed that the deepest form of abandonment was being left by someone else. But what I eventually realized is that the real abandonment happens when you betray yourself just to keep someone in your life.

I tolerated disrespect, excuses, and emotional games. I began negotiating for basic effort. I accepted crumbs. I said “yes” when my whole body was saying “no.” I apologized when I was the one being hurt. I over-explained myself to people who had already stopped listening long ago. Little by little, I disappeared from my own life—and that was self-abandonment.

I had to let go of this pattern because it costs more than any relationship ever will. Being honest with myself and protecting my peace matters more than being chosen. I am done negotiating for effort. I am done betraying my values to avoid discomfort. I am done celebrating connections that only tolerate me instead of truly respecting me. The only relationship I refuse to lose again is the one I have with myself.

I did some final attempts to ensure there would be no “what if” left behind. So that my heart can move forward without the regret of not trying enough.


Holding on to someone who has chosen to let us go keeps us stuck, while they continue moving forward. Sometimes, the most loving thing you can do for yourself is to leave.

I learned that losing someone who did not value you is not a loss—it is a redirection in life. You are losing someone who did not choose you, while making space for something brighter to enter.

Although this process is deeply painful, in my heart I know that I am being reshaped in the furnace for what comes next. It cracked me, molded me, and reshaped me into a stronger soul. Through this, I now understand—through real experience—the kind of pain many people go through.

What I Now Know for Sure

  • No matter how kind you are, it will never be enough for some people. It is not enough for those who mistake consistency for boredom, kindness for weakness, or genuine love for something too easy. Do not blame yourself for being “too much” for the wrong person.
  • You cannot build a healthy and fulfilling partnership with someone who is emotionally immature. They will focus more on making themselves feel better than on understanding your emotional needs. They will be entitled when needy, and independent when convenient.
  • Loyal people protect relationships. Disloyal people protect excuses. And in protecting those excuses, they lose a soul who cared for them beyond their flaws—a heart that chose them even when they did not deserve it.
  • When you squeeze an orange, you get orange juice. When you squeeze a person, you reveal what is inside them. If they cannot offer something fundamental and basic, then there is nothing solid to build a future upon.
  • There is no need to negotiate for someone’s presence when they no longer wish to stay. Their role in your life has simply reached its end. What requires constant strain to hold together was never meant to last. It is part of life’s natural movement.
  • Some people can hurt others and still believe they are the victim. They make reckless decisions, manipulate situations, create chaos—and when consequences arise, everyone else becomes the problem. It is emotional immaturity in adult form: it may look calculated and sound confident, but underneath lies impulsiveness, denial, and avoidance of accountability.
  • Some people are afraid of vulnerability. They would rather destroy something meaningful than sit in the temporary discomfort of accountability. And the one left behind must process both the pain of the hurt and the silence that follows.
  • Some people experience accountability as a threat to their identity. Acknowledging harm would require confronting shame they are not ready to handle. So they protect themselves through denial, minimization, or withdrawal—prioritizing ego over repair.
  • Emotions are like weather—temporary and unpredictable. Behavior is how you prepare for that weather—it reflects choice and maturity. Acting without awareness is like driving a car without brakes, eventually leading to a crash. In relationships, that crash destroys trust, closeness, and connection.
  • You cannot teach someone to value what they have never learned to appreciate. This taught me how to choose better, how to love without losing myself, and how to walk away—even when I still care.
  • Closure does not come from another person. It comes from letting go of the need for answers, letting go of potential, and accepting reality. Some people hurt you simply because they choose to. You do not need a late apology after everything is already broken.
  • Some people may be part of a spiritual community yet remain oblivious to their lack of common sense. Their words may be filled with spiritual phrases, but they can still exhibit disrespectful behavior, and a lack of gratitude for the good things in their lives.
  • You will never satisfy an ungrateful person. Gratitude is not something they practice. They do not see effort, sacrifice, or consistency—they only notice absence. You can carry them through storms, and they will remember the one day you forgot an umbrella.
  • Serving an ungrateful person is a slow erosion of your time, energy, confidence, and self-worth. No matter how much you give, they will treat it as the bare minimum. With such people, the issue is not your effort—it is their limited capacity to recognize it. Stop breaking yourself to prove value to those who cannot see it.
  • A crisis does not change the nature of a relationship—it reveals it. Those who leave during difficult times were only passengers of life. Convenience made them stay, but their actions reveal their truth.
  • Anyone can love you at your peak. Few will stay during your lowest valley.
    Those who leave have failed the test of difficult times. Let them go—your inner peace is worth more than gold.

With this painful lesson at the end of my 30s, my soul remembers what it feels like to give everything—and still lose.

I accept my solitude, and I understand now that the previous partnership was not meant for me. The love and commitment I gave fell into the hands of someone who did not know how to protect it.

I have completed my karmic lesson with them—and I have learned mine as well. I fully accept my flaws and weaknesses.

Lack of wisdom leads to painful experiences. Painful experiences lead to wisdom.

Pain becomes the teacher.
Silence becomes the exam.
Wisdom becomes the result.

Now, I choose to trust the process of healing and transformation. It begins the moment I stop seeking accountability from someone committed to avoidance.

This healing journey is one of the most emotionally complex experiences I have gone through. It requires honesty, self-compassion, and the courage to face patterns I may have ignored for too long.

And I trust that the person I become after this will be a better and stronger one.

Chapter 4 – How I Choose to Live from Here

I trust that what is destined for me will not drift away. Life ended the connection early so that I would not bleed for years. I am grateful for the loss, even if I do not fully understand it yet. I trust that some endings are protection disguised as heartbreak. Now, I am done chasing, proving, and negotiating. There is a clarity within me now—life must go on.

I did not lose “the one,” but rather someone who did not value me—and, in truth, someone who would have become a liability: more arguments, more stress, more distractions, less focus, less growth, and a slow erosion from within.

On the other hand, they lost someone who is committed and would have stood through thick and thin of life with them. From now on, I will stop overestimating others and stop underestimating myself. Figuratively speaking, I am like an ancient rock—plain and unremarkable on the outside, yet rich and valuable within. Those who are unable to recognize it will treat me like an ordinary stone, while those who can see will treasure it.

I have paid for my life lessons—with time, with finances, and with heartbreak. And because of that, I now choose to protect one thing above all else: inner peace.

It is a hard truth I realized later than I would have liked—no relationship is worth destroying that peace. I now understand that my future peace is something worth protecting at all costs. I forgive myself for not knowing earlier what only time could have taught me. I made my decisions based on the awareness I had then, not the wisdom I have now.

Growth does not arrive all at once. It unfolds gradually—through mistakes, through heartbreak, through moments I wish I could rewrite. I may have been foolish and unwise in one aspect of my life, but I will not punish my past self for surviving the only way it knew how. I was doing the best I could with the understanding I had at the time.

Wisdom is earned through experience.
Clarity is born through confusion.
Strength is shaped by the days I felt weak.

I am still becoming—and now, with what I know, I can choose differently. What is meant for me lies ahead. What matters is no longer what is behind me. Peace over history. Peace over nostalgia. Life is too short to be spent with those who take most things for granted.

My 30s have been a decade that showed me how easily I could abandon myself—and that chapter is now complete as I step into my 40th year. I have learned not to exhaust my spirit trying to prove my worth to someone who has already chosen not to see it.

My message to them is this:
“Thank you for your presence in my soul’s journey. Thank you for the love, the lessons, and everything that has helped me grow. Now I release the energetic bond between us—peacefully and without resentment. I set you free, and I am free.”

I surrender to what is coming next, trusting fully that life is not happening to me, but for me—for my unfolding, for my growth, shaping me in ways I cannot yet see. I will place my energy where my presence is genuinely welcomed. I will walk toward places where my heart is received. I will walk toward people who recognize and honor my spirit.

From now on, I return as an explorer of life—unfolding a new version of myself, while becoming more aware of the limited time I have on this Earth. The time that remains is precious, and I intend to make the most of it. I will build a sanctuary—both physically and emotionally—so that those who are meant to stay will stay.

I hold a quiet optimism that the sun will rise again after the darkest night. And with a renewed and stronger spirit, the next phase of my life will be more meaningful and more vibrant. I pray to deepen my connection with my inner self and to live as a bright soul within this human experience.


Welcome to the 40th year.
April 2026
Handoko Luo

Napak Tilas Spiritual 2017 (Jawa Tengah)

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Menyambung tulisan spiritual retreat di tahun 2012, akhirnya saya berkesempatan untuk berkumpul lagi bersama teman-teman sejiwa dan melakukan perjalanan ke dalam hati di tahun 2017 ini.. selama saya lama merantau ke luar negeri (sebelum 2012) dan saat saya merintis usaha (2012 hingga kini), rekan-rekan prana sering mengadakan perjalanan tahunan, ke tempat-tempat yg masih asri, atau tempat-tempat yg punya energi tinggi untuk memperdalam pengenalan terhadap diri sendiri dan kepada Sang Ilahi..

Tahun-tahun sebelumnya rekan-rekan prana melakukan perjalanan tempat-tempat tertentu di tanah Jawa , seperti umbul umprit, alas purwo, dan lain sebagainya. Namun kondisi dan situasi menyebabkan saya tidak dapat ikut serta dalam kegiatan tersebut. Baru pada akhir tahun 2016 dan di tahun 2017 ini saya berkomitmen dalam hati untuk turut serta bersama lagi, melakukan perjalanan ke dalam. Berikut ini cuplikan dari catatan kecil akhir 2016..

Flashback From a 2016 Note — “Setelah kembali ke tanah air, saya mengisi bulan demi bulan untuk memulai proyek ‘bisikan di pagi hari’ yang kelak menjadi usaha pertama saya hingga tulisan ini dituangkan.. Saat itu adalah transisi dimana saya harus kembali menyelami dunia manusia dengan segala interaksi sosialnya, setelah lama berkutat dengan ilmu alam dan batin yang mendalam.. sebelum memulai proyek usaha pertama saya, sejenak sempat saya mengikuti ajakan olah batin bersama rekan-rekan olahraga pernafasan / Prana selama beberapa hari ke Jawa Tengah di awal tahun 2012.. itu adalah kali terakhir saya menyempatkan diri secara khusus untuk pergi sendiri dan menerawang ke dalam diri sebelum terjun ke ilmu bumi dan medan tempur usaha..”

Singkat cerita, selepas tahun 2012 saya harus benar-benar memakai topi sebagai seorang entrepreneur dan fokus mengamati serta belajar bagaimana caranya sebuah entitas usaha bisa dirintis, dan bisa terus berkembang.. masa-masa ini adalah masa penyatuan dan masa penerapan dari semua konsep-konsep abstrak batin yang telah dipahami dengan mendalam, masa penerapan itu terhitung sejak awal tahun 2012 dan seterusnya hingga saat ini, dan berbagai kisahnya sempat saya tuliskan dalam beberapa note juga..

Dengan kata lain, periode 2012-2016 ini saya melaksanakan peran saya sebagai “manusia bumi” dengan segala urusan sosial dan keduniawian, dengan penerapan ilmu-ilmu sosial seperti manajemen, marketing, politik, kewirausahaan, keuangan, dsb.. dan sementara itu pendalaman “ilmu langit” sedikit saya pause.. Namun ternyata arus “ilmu bumi” dan segala dinamika intensifnya ini cukup kuat dan mempengaruhi inner condition saya, dan saya menyadarinya setahun belakangan ini. Ada trade-off yang begitu kuat antara peningkatan kesuksesan duniawi, dengan penurunan keadaan serta pendalaman spiritual yang ilahi. Semua fase hidup dan pelajaran hidup ini saya terima sebagai bekal lanjut untuk kehidupan saya nanti dan lebih mengenal diri sendiri.

Sekilas Napas Tilas

Baik, lanjut cerita, kegiatan Napak Tilas di Jawa Tengah ini menjadi kegiatan olah batin di tahun 2017 oleh teman-teman KBK se-Indonesia. Rombongan terbagi menjadi dua mobil, satu mobil berangkat dari arah Barat (Jakarta) dan satu mobil dari arah Timur (Kediri) dan akan bertemu di tengah (pinggiran kota Solo). Napak Tilas berarti menapaki / menyusuri kembali jalan yang pernah ditempuh seseorang. Boleh jadi untuk mengenang perjuangannya, ikut merasakan penderitaannya, mencontoh keteladannya, atau bahkan menghidupkan kembali semangatnya yang dulu pernah ada. Selama kegiatan ini, tempat-tempat yang saya kunjungi adalah sebagai berikut :

  1. Umbul Pengging
  2. Makam Ki Ageng Pengging Handayaningrat
  3. Makam Kyai Ageng Kebo Kenongo
  4. Makam raja-raja mataram
  5. Puro Mangkunegaran
  6. Astana Mangadeg
  7. Astana Giri Bangun
  8. Pura Mandira Seta dan Kasunanan Solo (Ekstra)

Mengapa Jawa Tengah ? Pertanyaan ini juga berada di benak saya. Sebagai orang yang besar di luar Jawa Tengah dan sekitar Jawa Timur, maka kita tidak bisa melihat dengan mudah apa korelasi Jawa Tengah ini terhadap sejarah dan perkembangan negara Indonesia di masa lampau. Namun, Napak Tilas ini menghadirkan sudut pandang baru dalam diri saya dalam melihat kebesaran serta kompleksnya Nusantara ini. Di Jawa Tengah inilah simpul terbesar sejarah Nusantara ini, yang menjadikan Indonesia sebagai kerajaan nusantara terbesar di bumi selatan pada masanya. Lalu apa kaitannya sejarah dengan olah batin napak tilas ? Pada jaman dahulu, leluhur kita sudah terlebih dahulu mengenali ilmu keilahian yang tidak terkungkung oleh dogma-dogma agama seperti sekarang ini, misalnya banyak penganut agama Samawi (Kristiani, dan Islam) dan juga agama-agama lainnya yang memahami agamanya hanya bersifat hafalan atau ritual-ritual yang tidak merupakan esensi yang diajarkan oleh figur Ilahinya. Para leluhur yang menjadi orang-orang penting di jamannya tidak hanya memegang tampuk kekuasaaan duniawi, namun juga mencontohkan ajaran ilahi yang bisa dipelajari dan diteladani oleh para generasi penerusnya. Dalam napak tilas ini, yang bisa melakukan kontak batin dengan para leluhur adalah bapak pembina KBK, dan dimasing-masing tempat ada pesan tersendiri dari leluhur bagi para pendatang yang berkunjung. Saya sendiri memaknai Napak Tilas ini sebagai suatu masa dimana situasi dan kondisi yang tercipta menjadi kondusif bagi diri sendiri untuk melakukan kontemplasi, perenungan, pembelajaran mengenal diri sendiri dan kalibrasi terhadap jalan keilahian.

Untuk itu, saya menyempatkan diri untuk hadir di kota Solo, 1 hari sebelum rombongan tiba, untuk berkeliling kota Solo dan merasakan vibrasi kotanya. Berjalan menyusuri dan keliling kota, saya merasakan kota Solo begitu kuat menghadirkan “energi kebersahajaan”, dan energi itu dapat terlihat begitu khas pada presiden RI saat ini Joko Widodo / Jokowi, dan setelah menyelesaikan Napak Tilas ini saya dapat memahami kenapa slogan kota ini adalah “the Spirit of Java”. Solo adalah pusat kebudayaan Jawa yang sebenarnya, peradaban Jawa dimulai dari kota ini, dengan berdirinya kerajaan mataram kuno di abad ke-8, kemudian dilanjutkan mencapai puncaknya di jaman Majapahit di abad ke-13, dan seterusnya menjadi negara nusantara yang kita kenal sekarang ini.

Setelah bermalam 1 hari di sekitaran airport Solo, saya bergabung dengan rombongan dari Timur dan bersama-sama kami bertemu dengan rombongan dari Barat di rumah makan menuju lokasi pertama kami, Umbul Pengging.

tempat saya bermalam di dekat Airport Solo
  1. Umbul Pengging (Mata Air Pengging)
Umbul Pengging

Sejarah Singkat mengenai Umbul Pengging –> Pengging adalah nama kuno untuk suatu wilayah yang sekarang terletak di antara Solo dan Yogya (kira-kira mencakup wilayah Boyolali dan Klaten serta mungkin Salatiga). Pusatnya sekarang diperkirakan terletak di Banyudono, Boyolali. Nama Pengging disebut-sebut dalam legenda Rara Jonggrang tentang pembangunan kompleks Candi Prambanan. Selanjutnya, dalam sejumlah babad yang menerangkan penyebaran agama Islam di selatan Jawa wilayah ini kembali disebut-sebut, dengan tokohnya Ki Ageng Pengging. Tokoh ini dikenal sebagai pemberontak di wilayah Kesultanan Demak. Kalangan sejarah di Jawa banyak yang menganggap bahwa Pengging adalah cikal-bakal Kerajaan Pajang, kerajaan yang mengambil alih kekuasaan di Jawa setelah Kesultanan Demak runtuh. Semenjak berkembangnya Kesultanan Mataram dan masa-masa selanjutnya, wilayah Pengging kehilangan kepentingannya dan pusat pemerintahannya berangsur-angsur menjadi tempat untuk pelaksanaan ritual bagi keluarga penerus Mataram. Pengelolaan situs sejarah ini pada masa kolonial dilakukan oleh pihak Kasunanan Surakarta dan sekarang tanggung jawab berada di tangan Pemerintah Kabupaten Boyolali.

Setiba di lokasi umbul pengging, kami berbincang-bincang dengan juru kunci setempat dan menyampaikan maksud kunjungan kami. Oleh juru kunci kami diantarkan ke sebuah kolam yang berisi air dari mata air jernih. Disanalah biasanya tradisi berendam atau kungkum sering dilakukan, biasanya menjelang tengah malam dan tanpa busana. Pembina mengatakan bahwa hal ini anggaplah untuk membersihkan diri sendiri sebelum berkunjung ke tempat-tempat lainnya. Mengikuti petunjuk yang diberikan, dengan bergantian kami melepas busana dan berendam dalam kolam jernih tersebut. Ketika tiba giliran saya, saya mencoba masuk ke dalam kolam mata air tersebut dengan perlahan-lahan. Ketika saya memasukkan tubuh saya hingga sebatas leher, ada perasaan bergetar dan berat di sekujur tubuh hingga ke kepala, bisa jadi karena air dan udara sekitar yang dingin, atau ada faktor lainnya yang tidak saya ketahui. Selepas kungkum, kami berangkat menuju tempat berikutnya.

2. Makam Ki Ageng Pengging Handayaningrat (Ki Ageng Pengging Sepuh)

Makam Pangeran Handayaningrat

Pangeran Handayaningrat adalah salah satu tokoh besar di tanah Jawa, beliau adalah putera menantu dari raja terakhir raja majapahit yaitu Brawijaya V (1478M) dan juga kakek dari Jaka Tingkir yang dikenal dengan nama Hadiwajaya, pendiri sekaligus raja pertama kerajaan Pajang (1549M). Beliau lah yang menyebarkan ajaran Sastra Jendra Hayuningrat atau Sastra Cetho di tanah Jawa. Sastra Jendra Hayuningrat adalah ajaran suci berasal dari Sang Pencipta yang merupakan rahasia alam semesta, yang tidak bisa diketahui oleh sembarang makhluk dan yang dapat menyelamatkan dunia semesta yang terdapat dalam kisah pewayangan. Berasal dari kata : Sastra = kitab, Jendra = Milik Yang Kuasa, Hayuningrat = keselamatan dunia semesta.

Dari sudut pandang kebatinan Jawa, maka makna dari ilmu Sastra Jendra Hayuningrat ini di tuangkan dalam berbagai falsafah. Di antaranya:

  • 1. Ngelmu wadining bumi kang sinengker Hyang Jagad Pratingkah (ilmu rahasia dunia atau alam semesta yang dirahasiakan atau berasal dari Tuhan Yang Maha Esa).
  • 2. Pangruwating barang sakalir (dapat membebaskan dan menyelamatkan segala sesuatu).
  • 3. Kawruh tan wonten malih (tiada ilmu pengetahuan lain lagi yang dapat dicapai oleh manusia).
  • 4. Pungkas-pungkasaning kawruh (ujung dari segala ilmu pengetahuan atau setinggi-tingginya ilmu yang dapat dicapai oleh manusia atau seorang sufi).
  • 5. Sastradi (ilmu yang luhur).

Di makam ini, pembina berkomunikasi dengan pangeran Handayaningrat dan menyampaikan pesan-pesan penting yang harus disampaikan untuk masing-masing peserta rombongan, dari pesan yang bersifat ilahi, hingga ke pesan yang masih terlihat seperti duniawi namun penting. Dalam hati saya ingin berkomunikasi dengan “guru sejati” dalam diri, namun ketika itu pesan yang saya terima ternyata adalah perihal jodoh dan orang tua saya. Ketika mendengar pesan tersebut saya cukup terkejut dan bertanya, kenapa topik ini lagi dan lagi, seakan-akan memang ini penting sekali untuk dilakukan dengan baik.

Disinilah saya dapat pemahaman intuitif dan sedikit tersadar bahwa tubuh fisik ini dan jiwa di kehidupan ini saling terkait satu sama lain, dan hubungan itu terutama sangat kuat di keluarga inti. Saya sudah lama mendengar cerita saling keterkaitan ini dari keluarga pemangku adat di Bali, namun saya tidak terlalu paham mengapa hak dan kewajiban salah satu individu dapat mempengaruhi nasib individu lain yang merupakan keluarganya sendiri. Sekarang saya menyadari bahwa saya mendapatkan tubuh fisik ini dari sel fisik kedua orang tua, dan juga secara langsung energi saya berkaitan langsung dengan orang tua saya, begitu juga karma orang tua berkaitan langsung dengan karma kehidupan saya. Sebelumnya saya telah melihat bagaimana saya memainkan peran saya sebagai cermin karma terhadap orang tua saya, dan kini saya bisa melihat bagaimana karma mereka bertautan dengan saya dan apa peran yang saya bisa lakukan untuk menyelesaikan karma ini, yang kebetulan adalah perihal pasangan hidup. Dulu saya memiliki pemahaman bahwa masing-masing individu memiliki jalan hidupnya masing-masing yang bebas dan individualis, dan ternyata sekarang saya perlu proses untuk sadar bahwa ada sebab kenapa saya terlahir di keluarga tertentu ini, dan ada peran unik yang memang menjadi tugas bagi masing-masing jiwa yang berada dalam keluarga masing-masing. Dan dalam setiap perjalanan hidup, ada tahap-tahap tertentu yang harus dilalui sebelum melangkah ke tahap selanjutnya. Dalam hal ini, tampaknya saya harus menyelesaikan masalah ini dahulu, sebelum betul-betul bisa melanjutkan perjalanan kebatinan..

3. Makam Kyai Ageng Kebo Kenongo

Silsilah kerajaan kuno nusantara

Kyai Ageng Kebo Kenongo atau dikenal dengan nama Ki Ageng Pengging adalah putra dari Pangeran Handayaningrat, dan juga murid spiritual dari Syekh Siti Jenar yang kontroversial di tanah Jawa kuno. Dalam silsilah Kerajaan Majapahit, Kebo Kenongo adalah cucu dari Brawijaya V, Raja terakhir Majapahit. Makam Ki Ageng Kebo Kenongo Pengging berada di sebuah kompleks pemakaman yang cukup luas, dengan sebuah masjid tak begitu besar berdiri di sebelah kanan gerbang masuk ke dalam kompleks pemakaman. Pada bagian atas gerbang masuk yang berbentuk gapura itu tertulis “Makam Ki Ageng Kebo Kenongo” dalam huruf Latin. Setidaknya ada dua kisah menarik tentang Kebo Kenongo, yang pertama adalah dialog sufistiknya dengan Syekh Siti Jenar, yang kedua adalah dialognya dengan Sunan Kudus yang menjadi utusan Sultan Demak. Bagaimana dialog itu bisa tercatat, dan apakah dialog itu memang benar adanya tidaklah mengurangi bobot isi dialognya.

Salah satu bagian cuplikan dari dialog beliau dengan Syekh Siti Jenar adalah sebagai berikut :

""Syekh, saya telah mencoba untuk menuju ‘manunggaling kawula gusti’.”
Kebo Kenongo menghampar serban di depannya. Lalu berdiri.
“Andika sekarang akan shalat?” Syekh Siti Jenar duduk bersila di sampingnya.
“Bukankah Andika telah mencoba menuju maunggaling kawula gusti?”
“Benar, namun saya belum sampai. Sekarang saya akan shalat.” Terang Kebo Kenongo.
“Tujuan Andika shalat?” Syekh Siti Jenar tersenyum.
“Bukankah shalat jalan kita untuk menuju manunggaling kawula gusti, Syekh?” Kebo Kenongo mengerutkan dahinya.
“Bukan.” ujarnya pendek. Syekh Siti Jenar memutar tasbih seraya mulutnya komat-kamit berdzikir.
“Apakah harus berdzikir menuju maunggaling kawula gusti, Syekh?” tanyanya kemudian.
“Tidak juga.” jawab Syekh Siti Jenar pendek.
“Lantas, untuk apa shalat dan berdzikir?” kerutnya.
“Bukankah Syekh pernah mengatakan kalau semua itu upaya untuk mendekatkan diri dengan Allah?”
“Jika itu jawaban Ki Ageng Pengging benar adanya.” Syekh Siti Jenar sejenak memejamkan mata, kemudian membukanya lagi dan menatap Kebo Kenongo yang masih berdiri hendak shalat.
“Bukankah mendekatkan diri kepada Allah sama saja dengan menuju manunggaling kawula gusti?” tanya Kebo Kenongo selanjutnya.
“Tidak juga, Ki Ageng.” ujar Syekh Siti Jenar.
“Lantas?”
“Manunggaling kawula gusti sangat berbeda dengan mendekatkan diri kepada Allah.” terang Syekh Siti Jenar.
“Perbedaannya?” keningnya semakin berkerut .
“Karena yang namanya dekat berbeda dengan manunggal. Manunggal bukanlah dekat. Dekat bukanlah manunggal.” Syekh Siti Jenar berhenti sejenak. “Namun sekarang sebaiknya Ki Ageng Pengging shalatlah dulu, berceritalah setelah selesai mendirikan nya.” tambahnya.
“Baiklah, Syekh.”

Setibanya di depan makam Kyai Ageng Kebo Kenongo, pembina menyampaikan pesan yang diterima dalam bahasa Jawa yang tidak saya pahami, terkesan seperti Jawa Kuno / Mataram, dan namun saya vibrasi yang saya rasakan adalah hikmat dan penuh dengan wejangan hidup. Selepas pesan tersebut, kami pun pamit dan bergegas ke tempat selanjutnya.

4. Makam raja-raja Mataram (Panembahan Senopati)

Makam raja-raja Mataram

Dari sekitaran boyolali, rombongan berangkat menuju Kotagede Jogjayakarta. Kompleks makam pendiri kerajaan Mataram ini memiliki keunikan tersediri, yaitu berada sekitar 100 meter dari pasar Kotagede yang merupakan pusat keramaian, dikelilingi tembok besar dan kokoh. Pintu Gapura memasuki kompleks makam ini masih memiliki ciri arsitektur budaya Hindu bernama Gapura paduraksa dengan kusen berukir di sebelah selatan Masjid Besar Mataram yang menuju ke dalam kompleks Makam Raja-Raja Mataram. Saat rombongan tiba, waktu itu sudah sekitar pukul 03.30 pagi, dan di dekat pintu masuk tersebut baru selesai acara pesta wayang yang lengkap dengan gamelan dan sinden-sinden menyanyi dalam bahasa Jawa. Suasana ini sangat unik bagi saya, dan sekali lagi menegaskan selamat datang di tanah Jawa, dan inilah Bhinekka Tunggal Ika, kita bisa jalan beberapa ratus km dan sudah menemui keberagaman budaya yang berbeda. Memasuki kompleks ini, saya terkagum-kagum terhadap peninggalan para leluhur nusantara, bahwa nuansa kemegahan dan kerapihan dan kearifan leluhur itu terlihat jelas pada bangunan ini, dan mengapa bangunan ini tidak pernah diceritakan dengan penting pada buku sejarah yang dipelajari oleh anak-anak Indonesia, termasuk saya pun baru tahu ada bangunan dan sejarah seperti ini !

Karena ada aturan yang ketat, makam baru bisa dimasuki pada besok pagi atau siang, sehingga rombongan hanya berjalan-jalan disekitar kompleks dan meninggalkan lokasi untuk beristirahat di Jogja, di “Rumah Bahagia” jogja kediaman pak SA yang juga pelaku penyembuh prana. Sesampainya di Rumah Bahagia, saya melihat ada poster-poster menarik, termasuk tentang aliran energi meredian pada tubuh manusia, poster tentang sang maha guru yang mencapai usia 110 tahun, serta yang paling bikin saya tertegun adalah poster kuno berbahasa Cina mengenai tubuh manusia saat sedang bermeditasi dilihat dari samping ! Saat itu saya yakin ini bukan poster biasa, dan saya meminta kepada pak SA untuk mengajari saya tentang ajaran dalam poster ini. Beliau mengiyakan dan kami akan latihan besok malam selepas kunjungan ke kompleks makam raja-raja Mataram. Cerita mengenai latihan ini saya jabarkan di akhir tulisan.

Selepas beristirahat di Rumah Bahagia, rombongan pun berangkat kembali ke Makam raja-raja Mataram. Di lokasi ini seluruh pengunjung yang hendak memasuki makam diharuskan untuk memakai pakaian adat Jawa. Di dalam makam tersebut, tujuan rombongan adalah kepada makam panembahan senopati. Panembahan Senopati menjadi raja pertama di Kesultanan Mataram atau Kerajaan Mataram Islam pada 1587-1601, setelah kerajaan Pajang runtuh. Menurut naskah-naskah babad, ayah Senopati adalah keturunan Brawijaya (raja terakhir Majapahit) dan Ibunya adalah keturunan Sunan Giri (anggota Walisongo). Panembahan Senopati dikisahkan dalam babad Tanah Jawa memiliki kebiasaan yang hebat dalam olah rasa, meditasi dan bertapa. Dan dikisahkan bahwa telah terjadi perkawinan Panembahan Senopati dengan “Kanjeng Ratu Kidul”, dan diyakini oleh masyarakat setempat bahwa hubungi ini terus dipertahankan oleh para Raja Mataram mulai Sri Sultan Hamengko Buwono I hingga Sri Sultan Hamengku Buwono X. Dari sinilah kita bisa melihat cikal bakal sejarah kekeratonan yang ada di Jawa Tengah.

Kompleks makam mataram

Di sekitar makam panembahan Senopati, selepas mendoakan beliau kepada Sang Ilahi, pembina kembali menyampaikan pesan yang diterima dari panembahan Senopati untuk masing-masing individu rombongan. Rekan-rekan menerima pesan ilahi dan pesan “manusia” yang disampaikan untuk masing-masing individu, ada yang tentang rencana ilahi, ada yang tentang keluarga, pekerjaan, dsb. Kali ini saya berpasrah hati, tidak berpikir sesuatu yang spesifik namun berserah diri untuk hal yang terbaik saja. Pesan yang disampaikan kepada saya ternyata adalah pesan yang berulang sejak tahun 2008 silam dan selalu unik hanya untuk saya pribadi, sekalipun diantara banyak orang. Pesan tersebut pertama kali saya dengar 9 tahun silam di kota Oita Jepang dan disampaikan oleh suara batin ditengah kesendirian, terulang lagi suatu saat saya pernah menghadiri pembaptisan di gereja dan disampaikan secara pribadi oleh sang pendeta, dan kali ini disampaikan di kompleks makam raja-raja Mataram oleh pembina. Inti dari pesan tersebut adalah : Semua yang ada itu hanya dititipkan saja dan bukan milik kita. Di tahun 2008 silam pesan tersebut adalah : “Semua yang ada di dunia ini hanya dititipkan kepadamu saja.. itu bukanlah milikmu.. itu hanyalah titipan padamu.. apapun itu, keluarga, teman dekat, kekasih, kenalan, harta, dan lain, semua itu hanya dititipkan kepadamu untuk sementara saja..”

Di tempat ini pesan kepada saya ada 4 hal yang dapat saya ingat, dari yang pertama:
1) bahwa segala kekayaan yang saya peroleh adalah bukan kepunyaan saya pribadi namun milik Sang Ilahi;
2) bahwa selama saya melakukan perhitungan yang berdasarkan perhitungan duniawi, maka perhitungan tersebut tidak akan akurat dan benar. Perhitungan duniawi berbeda dengan perhitungan ilahi;
3) bahwa saya tidak akan kekurangan dari sisi rezeki dan pergunakanlah rezeki ini untuk memahami kebenaran ilahi;
4) bahwa saya diminta untuk membuka hati dan seiring waktu saya akan diberikan pemahaman untuk benar-benar memahami kebenaran ilahi dari pesan yang pertama, kedua, dan ketiga tersebut..

Selesai berkunjung ke makam ini, kami sempat berkeliling sejenak di sekitar kompleks makam. Betapa saya kagum akan budaya leluhur nusantara ini dan kadang berandai-andai bagaimana jadinya nusantara ini apabila kerajaan ini terus berkembang tanpa dikuasai oleh belanda, dst. Di sekitar kompleks makam saat itu juga sedang ada murid-murid wanita yang sedang berpakaian adat dan ingin mengunjungi makam, hal ini menjadi pemandangan yang sangat menarik.

5. Puro Mangkunegaran

Puro Mangkunegaran

Dari kotagede, rombongan kembali mengunjungi kota Solo dengan tujuan Puro Mangkunegaran. Dalam puro mangkunegaraan ini terdapat museum yang untuk memasukinya harus bersama pemandu abdi dalam, dan tidak boleh mengambil foto atau memotret. Puro Mangkunegaraan adalah istana resmi Kadipaten Praja Mangkunegaran dan tempat kediaman para penguasanya (Sampéyan Ingkang Jumeneng). Pura Mangkunegaran dibangun oleh Mangkunegara I (Raden Mas Said) atau Pangeran Samber Nyawa pada tahun 1757 dengan mengikuti model keraton setelah ditandatangani bersejarah Perjanjian Salatiga yang kembali memecah wilayah Mataram Islam di Surakarta (setelah sebelumnya juga ada Perjanjian Giyanti yang membagi wilayah Mataram Islam menjadi Yogyakarta dan Surakarta). Perjanjian Salatiga adalah penyelesaian dari serentetan pecahnya konflik perebutan kekuasaan yang mengakhiri Kesultanan Mataram.

Warna kuning dan hijau yang mendominasi pendopo adalah warna pari anom yang merupakan warna khas keluarga Mangkunegaran. Hiasan langit-langit pendopo yang berwarna terang melambangkan astrologi Hindu-Jawa dan di langit-langit ini tergantung deretan lampu gantung antik. Di bagian langit-langit pendopo Pura Mangkunegaran terbentang lukisan Batik Kumudowati. Artinya, kesaktian pada diri yang melekat pada seorang. Lukisan itu dilukis tahun 1937 oleh pelukis Istana, Raden Ngabehi Terdapat delapan kotak dimana bagian tengahnya masing-masing memiliki warna dan arti yang berbeda. Kuning bermaksud mencegah rasa kantuk, biru selalu untung dari bencana, hitam mencegah rasa lapar, hijau mencegah stres dan frustasi, putih mencegah pikiran seks birahi tidak pada tempatnya, orange mencegah perasaan takut, merah mencegah kejahatan, dan ungu mencegah pikiran kotor atau jahat.

batik kumudowati

Di dalam museum puro mangkunegaraan, selain berisi tempat untuk bersemedi, juga berisi koleksi barang-barang sejarah terkait dengan kerajaan hindu, dan kekeratonan di Indonesia. Ada beberapa meja dan almari kaca di sana yang berisikan pedang dari berbagai dinasti, akik, lencana, bambu runcing, senjata api, dan berbagai koleksi yang lain. Kemudian di sekitar dinding museum terdapat potret raja-raja yang pernah berkuasa, beserta permaisuri. Koleksi yang paling terlihat menonjol adalah krobongan. Semacam tempat tidur, tetapi fungsinya sebagai tempat untuk menghormati leluhur Jawa, tempat meletakkan sesaji persembahan untuk Dewi Sri / Dewi Padi.

Kunjungan kali ini lebih ke arah kunjungan sejarah, dan disini saya bisa melihat begitu besarnya penghormatan keluarga kerajaan terhadap Dewi Sri dan segala hal lain yang bersifat tidak kasat mata. Dalam kunjungan pertama ke Solo sebelum Napak Tilas dimulai, saya sempat berbincang-bincang dengan tukang becak yang sudah sepuh dan menyampaikan kepada saya, “bagi orang luar atau turis luar, cerita keanehan di tanah Jawa mungkin hanya dianggap cerita. Tapi bagi kami hal itu benar terjadi, bukan cerita.”

6. Astana Mangadeg (makam raja-raja Mangkunegaran)

pintu masuk astana mangadeg

Astana Mangadeg adalah tempat makam bagi raja-raja Mangkunageran dan kerabat dekat (dalem) praja mangkunegaraan, mulai dari Mangkunegara I hingga III. Selain itu di dalam kompleks ini juga dimakamkan sejumlah kerabat dekat dan para pembantu perjuangan dalam peperangan melawan Kesultanan Mataram dan VOC hingga berakhir dengan disepakatinya Perjanjian Salatiga (1758). Makam Astana Mangadeg berada di puncak Bukit Mangadeg, berhimpitan dengan Makam Astana Giri Bangun, tempat mendiang Ibu Tien Soeharto dan Mantan Presiden RI Pak Soeharto dimakamkan. Komplek pemakaman ini berada di puncak bukit kecil (bernama Bukit Mangadeg) di kaki Gunung Lawu, perbatasan antara Jawa Timur dan Jawa Tengah. Tempat ini sendiri sebelumnya adalah tempat Mangkunagara I bersemedi pada masa perjuangannya (sebelum menjadi raja ia bernama R.M. Said).

Dari kilas sejarah, sewaktu muda R.M. Said mendapat petunjuk dari dua orang petapa untuk berdiam diri di Gunung Mangadeg untuk bersamadi dan memohon petunjuk dari Sang Pencipta dalam pengabdiannya pada Bumi Pertiwi. Selama hidupnya, R.M. Said telah berperang sepanjang 16 tahun melawan kekuasaan Mataram dan Belanda. Selama tahun 1741-1742, ia memimpin laskar Tionghoa melawan Belanda. Kemudian bergabung dengan Pangeran Mangkubumi selama sembilan tahun melawan Mataram dan Belanda, 1743-1752. Julukan Pangeran Sambernyawa diberikan oleh Nicolaas Hartingh, gubernur VOC, karena di dalam peperangan R.M. Said selalu membawa kematian bagi musuh-musuhnya. Selama kurun waktu 16 tahun, pasukan R.M. Said melakukan pertempuran sebanyak 250 kali. Dibukit Mangadeg inilah selain bersamadi, beliau juga merumuskan semacam doktrin perjuangan yang disebut Tri Darma :

1. Rumangsa melu handarbeni (merasa ikut memiliki)

2. Wajib melu hangrungkebi (wajib ikut mempertahankan)

3. Mulat sarira hangrasa wani (berani bermawas diri)

Tugu Tri Dharma astana mangadeg

Menapaki tangga-tangga berliku di Astana Mangadeg ini seolah-olah kembali ke beberapa ratus tahun silam, saya sendiri tidak pernah tahu dan tidak meyangka bahwa kita ada warisan sejarah seperti ini. Setapak demi setapak, berjalan melewati gapura-gapura bernuansa kerajaan kuno hindu, sungguh terasa kebesaran dan semangat para leluhur Nusantara di bukit yang asri ini.

Setelah berbincang-bincang dengan juru kunci setempat, rombongan tiba di depan makam Pangeran SamberNyowo. Rombongan dengan khidmat duduk bersama, seraya mendoakan kedamaian dan ketenangan beliau kepada Sang Pencipta, dan memohon untuk dapat mempelajari keteladaan dan semangat perjuangan Pangeran SamberNyowo untuk kehidupan kami masing-masing. Setelah sejenak hening, pembina kembali menyampaikan pesan dan petuah yang diterima dari Sang Pangeran untuk seluruh peserta rombongan dalam bahasa Jawa kuno yang tidak saya pahami, namun terasa energinya.

gapura astana mangadeg

7. Astana Giri Bangun

Tepat dibawah Astana Mangadeg, terdapat Astana Giri Bangun dimana menjadi tempat dimakamkannya tubuh fisik keluarga besar Presiden RI Soeharto. Pemilihan posisi berada di bawah bukit Mangadeg itu bukan tanpa alasan, yakni untuk tetap menghormati para penguasa Mangkunegaran, mengingat Ibu Tien Soeharto adalah keturunan Mangkunegara III.

Astana Giri Bangun ini kerap menjadi destinasi wisata dan ziarah, baik oleh para pengunjung domestik maupun mancanegara. Salah satunya mantan menantu Soeharto, Prabowo Subiantodan salah satu kunjungannya adalah ketika masih bertarung dalam Pemilu Presiden 2014 sebagai calon presiden nomor urut 1. Sejarah yang sangat menarik bukan ?

Berbeda dengan Astana Mangadeg, Astana Giri Bangun ini dibangun dengan sangat megah, lantainya dilapisi dengan marmer dan seisi bangunan makam dihiasi dengan ukiran kayu yang megah dan besar. Namun energi yang terasa lebih kuat di Astana Mangadeg dibandingkan Astana Giri Bangun.

Rombongan pun kembali dengan khidmat mendoakan Sang mantan presiden dan ibu negara kepada Sang Pencipta.

astana bangun giri

Penutupan Napak Tilas

Setelah ke-7 lokasi dikunjungi, rombongan pun kembali ke kota Solo untuk bermalam, dan melakukan kilas balik Napak Tilas. Kami mendapatkan tempat yang pak K yang merupakan pemilik dari tempat makan Pondok Jowi. Beralaskan tikar, kami semua membahas kajian teknis dan spiritual dari Napak Tilas ini. Besok paginya tanggal 24 Sept 2017, rombongan akan terpisah menjadi dua rombongan lagi, satu ke Barat (Jakarta), dan satu ke timur. Rombongan yang ke timur memutuskan untuk menambah setengah hari berjalan keliling kota Solo sekali lagi dan saya memutuskan untuk ikut dengan rombongan ini.

resto Pondok Jowi solo

8. Pura Mandira Seta dan Kraton Kasunanan Solo (Ekstra)

pura mandira seta, arah timur

Berangkat pada pagi hari dengan tujuan ke Keraton Solo, rombongan kami tampaknya tiba terlalu pagi didepan keraton, dan harus menunggu selama 1 jam sebelum keraton dibuka untuk umum. Namun, tepat di depan keraton, pak SA melihat ada sebuah pura yang gerbangnya juga tertutup, dan ternyata kami berjodoh untuk diperkenankan masuk dan berbincang-bincang dengan pemangku (mangku) pura tersebut.

Bangunan ini adalah tempat ibadah Hindu (Pura) yang bernama Pura Mandira Seta. Dan menurut sejarah, ada sebuah nama fenomenal dibalik keberadaan Pura Mandira Seta ini yaitu almarhum R.W. Harjanta Prajapangarsa. Dikisahkan tokoh agama Hindu Jawa Tengah di era tahun 1960 an ini memeluk agama Hindu setelah melalui tapabrata, yoga dan samadinya di sebuah delta sungai Bengawan Solo yang dijalaninya selama 20 tahun.

Tidak banyak ulasan yang beredar tentang pura ini, namun ada sesuatu yang sangat membuat unik dan berbeda. Saat duduk di tengah pura menghadap timur, pemangku menjelaskan bahwa tepat didepan arah Timur adalah tempat penghormatan untuk ‘elemen ayah’ yang dilambangkan dengan Gunung Lawu (Bumi) dan sosok “Hyang Ismaya”, dan tepat di sebelah kanan yang adalah arah selatan ada tempat penghormatan untuk ‘elemen ibu’ yang dilambangkan dengan Samudra Hindia (Air) dan sosok “Kanjeng Ratu”.

Tunggu dulu.. Pura Hindu.. dan Kanjeng Ratu.. ?! Bagaimana kedua elemen tersebut bisa menyatu didalam bangunan ini ? Saya juga baru tahu tentang nilai luhur ‘elemen ayah’ dan ‘elemen ibu’ dalam nilai kearifan leluhur kita. Sungguh luar biasa kearifan dan filosofi para leluhur yang dimiliki dan itu tertuang dalam bangunan suci ini. Belum selesai kekaguman saya, pemangku mengajak kami untuk melihat ke tempat penghormatan yang berada di Timur, yang ditandai dengan adanya gapura kecil. Memasuki gapura ini, kembali saya terbengong-bengong dan takjub, bahwa dihadapan saya saat ini ada arca-arca dewa-dewi hindu dan patung berwarna-warni dalam kaca yang saya kenali sebagai dewa-dewi (roh suci) yang diyakini dalam keyakinan KongHuCu !! dan semuanya tersusun dengan indah dalam bentuk melingkar 360 derajat.. Sungguh saya tidak habis pikir kali ini, Kanjeng Ratu… KongHuCu… semua dalam 1 bangunan hindu ! How in the world.. ?! ….

Sambil dengan masih dipenuhi kekaguman.. kami memasuki ke bagian terdalam di arah Timur. Kami menjumpai 3 arca suci yang melambangkan “Batara Shiva”, “Bathara Ismoyo”, dan “Batara Wishnu”, dan terdapat tulisan di dinding bertuliskan “Mantra Buddha”.. buddha.. buddhism.. juga ada disini.. ?! Sungguh luar biasa.. hati saya kembali dipenuhi dengan kekaguman dan rasa penghormatan yang besar sekali..

Pemangku memandu kami apabila ingin sembayang, dan kami pun menghaturkan penghormatan kami. Sesaat setelah hening dan masih dalam suasana doa yang khidmat, pemangku mengucapkan banyak nama-nama secara berturut-turut yang saya kenali sebagai para roh suci dan “ spiritually enlightened beings ”, membawa pikiran dan hati saya melayang dalam perjalanan pribadi bertahun-tahun silam..

arca suci pura mandira seta

Selepas dari arah Timur, panduan pemangku dilanjutkan dengan ke ruangan singasana di arah Selatan, tempat penghormatan khusus untuk Kanjeng Ratu. Yang saya rasakan sejak memasuki ruangan suci ini, menghaturkan penghormatan, dan keluar dari ruangan ini adalah jantung yang berdegup-degup, sangat terasa energi yang luar biasa berbeda dan tinggi, baru kali ini saya rasakan. Berbeda dengan saya, rekan seperjalanan saya yaitu ibu AG merasakan pening yang tiba-tiba dan ‘perasaan berat’, namun kami sepakat bahwa energi di ruangan kecil tersebut memang sangat berbeda.

pura mandira seta, ruang selatan

Di pura ini pun kami bertemu dengan seorang bapak Jawa dan anaknya. Bapak ini menceritakan bahwa anaknya tiba-tiba pagi hari ini mendadak ingin ke Pura Mandira Seta, dan walaupun telah ditolak secara halus namun sang anak terus ingin pergi ke pura ini. Seolah pertemuan ini telah diatur, bertemulah kami dengan bapak Jawa ini, dan beliau menceritakan bahwa anaknya yang belum juga genap 10 tahun telah sangat tertarik pada dunia spiritual sejak SD, ditandai setiap harinya membaca buku-buku suci dan banyak sekali pertanyaan seputar spiritualitas. Sungguh luar biasa, saya telah mendengar kisah ini terjadi di India, namun tidak pernah mendengar atau melihatnya sendiri di tanah Nusantara. Di pura kecil dan sepi ini, banyak terjadi permenungan yang terjadi dalam diri saya.

beserta pemangku pura

Di kunjungan terakhir, kami berkunjung ke kekeratonan Solo yang tepat berada di depan Pura Mandira Seta. Keraton ini bernama lengkap Keraton Surakarta Hadiningrat, dan adalah istana resmi Kasunanan Surakarta yang terletak di Kota Surakarta, Jawa Tengah. Keraton ini didirikan oleh Susuhunan Pakubuwana II pada tahun 1744 sebagai pengganti Istana/Keraton Kartasura yang porak-poranda akibat Geger Pecinan 1743. Kompleks bangunan keraton ini masih berfungsi sebagai tempat tinggal Sri Sunan dan rumah tangga istananya yang masih menjalankan tradisi kerajaan hingga saat ini. Di dalamnya ada berbagai benda keraton dan foto sejarah keluarga keraton. Serupa dengan Pura Mangkunegaraan, kunjungan kali ini lebih ke arah kunjungan sejarah, dan disini saya bisa melihat sejarah nusantara ini sebelum negara republik Indonesia berdiri.

Keraton ini adalah kunjungan terakhir dalam rangkaian Napak Tilas 2017. Rombongan pun satu per satu berpisah, dan dalam perjalanan kami ke airport ditandai dengan turunnya hujan di kota Solo yang sudah berminggu-minggu terik dan tidak pernah turun hujan sama sekali.. good atmosphere as a closing.. !

raining in Solo

* Latihan Meditasi di Rumah Bahagia (Aliran Energi dan Akashic Records)

rumah bahagia

Sesi latihan ini merupakan sesi pribadi, diluar dari rangkaian acara Napak Tilas. Saat malam terakhir di Rumah Bahagia, Jogja. Saya berkali-kali meminta pak SA untuk mengajari saya tentang lukisan meditasi cina yang sangat menarik. Pak SA merupakan keturunan dari Hamengku Buwono III, dan setelah lama bekerja dikantor, panggilan hatinya menuntun dia kembali pada keilmuan ilahi, sesuai dengan yang digariskan, dan saat belajar dengan mahagurunya tentang ilmu Qigong, pak SA juga belajar tentang lukisan meditasi cina ini. Nama lukisan ini adalah “Gambar Rahasia Nei Jing Tu” atau disebut juga “Yau Shou Xian Tu” (Lukisan Dewa Memperpanjang Umur). Gambarnya adalah sebagai berikut

Yau Shou Xian Tu
Digital Version of Nei jing Tu

Selain saya, ada 2 rekan lagi yang tertarik ikut berlatih, sehingga dengan saya dan pak SA menjadi 4 orang yang berlatih meditasi tengah malam. Di dalam ruangan, pak SA menjelaskan bahwa lukisan tersebut adalah metafora dari rahasia energi dalam tubuh manusia yang ditemukan oleh bangsa Cina ratusan atau ribuan tahun lampau di sebuah goa di Cina. Dilihat dari samping tubuh manusia, posisi-posisi titik lukisan tersebut banyak yang bertepatan dengan posisi Cakra dalam tubuh manusia. Beliau melanjutkan bahwa kali ini hanya akan menjelaskan tentang basic atau dasar penjelasannya saja. Posisi dimulai dengan sikap duduk, dan perhatian terfokus pada nafas keluar, dikarenakan hidup manusia esensinya ada pada nafas keluar, yaitu saat terakhir kali menghembuskan nafas sebelum meninggal, dan hembusan nafas sadar pertama kali saat lahir ke dunia.

Pada lukisan tersebut di dekat titik leher, terdapat gambar manusia sedang mengangkat kedua tangannya, ini adalah ilustrasi dari posisi duduk bermeditasi dimana lidah disambungkan ke langit-langit dalam mulut, seolah menjadi penopang langit-langit mulut. Posisi lidah ini bertujuan merangsang air liur dalam mulut, yang kemudian dalam jumlah yang semakin banyak dialirkan ke dalam tubuh manusia, dan turun kebawah ke bagian perut. Menurut penjelasan beliau, dalam air liur manusia mengandung enzim yang berfungsi untuk menghasilkan energi dalam tubuh manusia. Produksi air liur ini kemudian kita telan, dan kita visualisasikan turun ke dalam tubuh di sekitar titik Cakra Pusat / Solar Plexus, disinilah energi tersebut diolah dalam tubuh dan dalam lukisan tersebut dimetaforakan sebagai “kerbau dan pembajak sawah”. Saat memvisualisasikan aliran energi dari tenggorokan ke solar plexus, kita memvisualisasikan aliran tersebut sebagai air terjun yang jatuh dari atas tenggorokan, dan bermuara ke kolam yang jernih di perut sekitar Solar Plexus, dan aliran ini semakin jernih, dan semakin deras.

Perhatian pada nafas keluar yang disertai dengan visualisasi air terjun dalam tubuh ini saya coba lakukan saat bermeditasi, dan perlahan timbul aliran energi yang mengaduk-aduk dalam perut, seakan-akan seperti air yang berputar dan mengembang. Hal ini dijelaskan oleh pak SA sebagai tanda bahwa energi telah terbentuk dalam tubuh, dan siap dialirkan ke jalur energi tubuh. Ketika energi yang dirasakan sudah cukup besar, beliau melanjutkan instruksi dengan menvisualisasikan aliran energi ini dikirim turun ke dasar tubuh, yaitu bagian sekitar tulang ekor dan anus, dilambangkan dengan titik Cakra Dasar, dan dibantu dengan kontraksi pada otot anus, aliran energi ini didorong ke atas sekujur tulang belakang yang penuh dengan syaraf-syaraf, terus naik ke atas hingga ke leher, dan naik ke titik tertinggi tubuh manusia, ubun-ubun, dilambangkan dengan titik Cakra Mahkota. Saat memvisualisasikan aliran energi ini, dari perut, turun ke bawah, naik ke puncak, saya rasakan aliran tersebut dalam tubuh merambat naik seiring tulang punggung, dan bermuara di titik ubun-ubun sebagai luapan energi. Beliau menjelaskan bahwa aliran energi naik ke atas ini berfungsi untuk membuka sumbatan-sumbatan jalur energi dalam tubuh manusia.

Kemudian, dari titik puncak, aliran energi ini kita visualisasikan turun ke titik tengah kepala, tepat di antara otak kiri dan otak kanan dan ketinggian dahi, di titik yang dilambangkan dengan titik Cakra Mata Ketiga. Aliran energi ini saya rasakan berputar-putar memenuhi dalam kepala, dan terpusat di dalam kepala bagian tengah. Aliran ini kemudian diputar kembali turun ke tenggorokan, kemudian ke perut, kemudian ke titik dasar, kemudian naik ke titik puncak, kemudian turun ke tengah kepala, kemudian ke tenggorokan, membentuk suatu siklus energi yang berputar dalam tubuh manusia yang bisa dirasakan dalam tubuh.

energy flow

Beberapa menit setelah saya menikmati aliran energi ini dengan mata terpejam, beliau memandu kami untuk kembali menyadari tubuh fisik dan menghentikan meditasi secara perlahan-lahan. Setelah selesai bermeditasi, saya rasakan sekujur tubuh saya hangat, dan berkeringat hingga ke tangan, hal ini persis terjadi ketika saya dulu belajar olahraga pernafasan prana dan hanya duduk diam saja tetapi berkeringat. Peserta lainnya merasakan kepala seolah tebal dan diselimuti dengan helm. Beliau menjelaskan bahwa itu adalah tanda-tanda energi mengalir pada tubuh dan manifestasinya berbeda-beda dalam diri manusia, namun itu hanya sebagai tanda saja dan perhatian tidak boleh diarahkan untuk menikmati atau mencari tanda-tanda tersebut. Dalam lukisan tersebut energi dalam perut ini ditandai dengan 4 simbol ying-yang sebagai elemen penghasil energi dalam tubuh manusia, yaitu oksigen, nutrisi, pikiran, dan enzim air liur. Titik visual lainnya dalam lukisan tersebut belum dijelaskan lebih lanjut, karena malam hari tersebut hanya dijabarkan mengenai latihan energi dasar. Sungguh menarik dan mungkin apabila sudah latihan dengan baik, dipertemuan berikutnya baru dijelaskan kembali oleh beliau.

Selesai latihan meditasi dengan pak SA, beliau undur diri untuk beristirahat. Saya kemudian melanjutkan ke sesi berikutnya dengan seorang anak muda 25 tahun, yang sungguh mengingatkan saya akan diri sendiri di usia tersebut. Saya minta diajari sesi tutorial untuk mengakses bawah sadar atau sub-consciousness secara mandiri, yang kata dia bisa digunakan untuk melihat ke kehidupan lampau, yaitu ke dalam kitab kehidupan “catatan akashic”. Hal ini sangat menarik bagi saya karena ini adalah ranah praktek dimana jauh sebelumnya saya telah mengetahui tentang penjelasan singkat mengenai hal ini, namun tidak tahu darimana memulainya dan bagaimana memulainya. Kami duduk berhadap-hadapan, dan saya mengikuti instruksinya untuk pelan-pelan merilekskan seluruh tubuh dan larut dalam kesadaran bawah sadar. Seiring instruksinya untuk mengamati tubuh demi tubuh, dari yang kecil hingga yang besar, dan mulai mengamati ruang visual di luar tubuh dari ruangan tempat kami duduk, hingga rumah ini, hingga kota jogja, hingga negara ini, hingga bumi ini, hingga tata surya, hingga galaksi, hingga alam semesta ini, pikiran saya mulai larut antara ada dan tiada, drifting consciousness.. Saat intruksi selanjutnya disampaikan, saya bisa melihat ada gambar visual namun samar-samar dan terputus-putus, sebagai rangkaian visual seperti satu video kehidupan.. Namun dititik ini saya sadar bahwa saya belum sepenuhnya larut dan pasrah, bahwa saya mencoba untuk larut dan pasrah tetapi masih seakan sisi pikiran sadar / logis saya masih mencoba menarik saya untuk tidak larut, sehingga menyebabkan rangkaian visual yang seperti video itu samar-samar, terputus-putus, dan terhenti.. Disinilah saya baru memahami banyak hal dalam diri saya, dan latihan sebelumnya yang tidak saya pahami. Latihan-latihan visualisasi sebelumnya untuk membayangkan dengan jelas dengan mata terpejam adalah melatih sensitifitas untuk melihat visual sub-consciousness ini dengan lancar, dan pikiran saya bertahun-tahun yang telah terlibat jauh dalam urusan duniawi dengan segala mekanisme mekanis nya telah membuat sisi logis dan mental mind saya menjadi jangkar yang terlalu kuat untuk menghambat saya larut sepenuhnya dalam sub-consciousness..

lost in time, drifting consciousness

Kami mengakhiri sesi meditasi ini dan saya pun mendapatkan kesadaran baru tentang diri saya sendiri. Telah banyak hal duniawi yang terjadi selama 5 tahun terakhir ini sejak saya terjun ke dunia wirausaha, dan sisi ekspresif kreatif yang penuh perasaan tersebut cukup terkikis dan tidak tersalurkan dengan baik. Hal ini menimbulkan kesadaran dalam diri saya untuk kembali menekuni sisi kreatif tersebut yang diliputi penuh perasaan, untuk kembali memegang kamera dan menjadi seorang pelaku fotografer setelah vakum 5 tahun, dan untuk kembali menikmati alunan musik dengan segenap vibrasi dan perasaannya..

Melihat mas Z ini juga membuat pikiran saya larut dalam masa lalu, ke usia 25-26 tahun saat saya menyelam ke “dalam”.. saya sempat bilang bahwa pengetahuan dia (mas Z) ini lebih baik dibandingkan saya dahulu, yang diresponnya dengan kalimat “setiap orang memiliki peran uniknya masing-masing”. Jawaban yang tepat, dan ditambah dengan praktek tersebut telah mengajari saya untuk lebih mengenal dimana aspek “kekurangan diri” yang bisa saya tingkatkan lebih lanjut, dan juga dimana “kelebihan diri” saya yang akan menjadi unik dan peran saya tersendiri dalam semesta ini.. Apabila dia sebagai anak muda menapaki jalur sebagai pelaku spiritual murni, penuh dengan kitab-kitab dengan aksara-aksara sanskrit tibet, maka dengan kelebihan cara berpikir yang fundamental dan berbasis mekanisme, saya berperan sebagai sebagai jembatan penghubung antara dunia spiritual yang sulit dijelaskan dengan dunia manusiawi yang menuntut penjelasan dan penerapan dari dunia spiritual yang mengawang-awang itu.. sama seperti kelebihan saya di dunia fotografi yang secara detil dan mendalam merupakan perpaduan antara sisi mekanis (pikiran) dan perasaan (hati)..

Setelah saya menyampaikan terima kasih saya kepada anak muda ini, dia menjawab saya dengan berkata “aku juga belajar banyak tentang menjadi manusia bumi dari kamu, Kang.” Oalaahhh, “menjadi manusia bumi”.. !! never thought I would hear that from another man, especially a younger one.. jawaban yang merupakan dua “pukulan refleksi” sekaligus, bahwa tanpa sadar saat ini saya telah larut menjadi manusia bumi, dan bahwa saya telah tambah usia sembari berhenti dalam “penyelaman ke dalam diri”.. oke tak apa, saya berterima kasih atas kesempatan refleksi ini..

Ada cerita cukup menarik juga dengan mas Z ini. Sebelum berkunjung ke astana-astana (mangadeg dan giri bangun), saya sempat memberikan kartu nama saya pada anak muda ini, dan dia menyimpannya dalam saku depan di kemejanya (dekat dada), beserta dengan “kartu dewa rezeki Tibet” yang tidak saya ketahui detilnya. Malam hari setelah selesai dari perjalanan ke astana-astana, dia kaget mendapati saku depan nya mengapa jadi panas sekali padahal tidak ada handphone atau battery didalam saku tersebut, dan dia bilang bahwa panas tersebut berasal dari kartu nama saya yang ditempelkan dengan “dewa rezeki”. Saya tidak menganggap ucapan tersebut terlalu serius, tapi saat dia coba berikan kembali kartu nama saya, memang betul rasanya panas hangat, dan membuat saya cukup bingung. Dia menjelaskan bahwa itu adalah simbol bahwa ada berkah yang diberikan oleh “dewa rezeki” kepada saya. Baiklah, saya tidak terlalu menanggapi secara serius, namun penjelasan tersebut cukup menarik dan kalau memang membawa kebaikan, kenapa tidak, hehe..

bersama pak SA (tengah) dan mas Z (kiri)

Kesimpulan akhir Napak Tilas ~ Di Napak Tilas ini saya belajar banyak tentang kebesaran pribadi leluhur nusantara ini, bahwa mereka tidak sekedar menjadi orang besar dijamannya tanpa kualitas ke dalam yang tinggi dan hanya label raja belaka, namun mereka begitu menempa diri dan menjadi orang yang betul-betul “besar di dalam” dan “besar di luar”. Juga ada ajaran luhur yang begitu fundamental tentang rahasia kehidupan dan alam semesta yang telah diketahui serta dilakoni oleh para leluhur, namun tidak diketahui secara umum pada generasi muda saat ini. Saya merasa terhormat untuk bisa belajar mengenal langsung para leluhur ini, dan kesempatan mengenal sejarah nusantara serta bangunan-bangunan kuno bersejarah yang tidak begitu diperhatikan oleh warga negara RI terutama di kota-kota besar yang sudah penuh dengan hiruk pikuk kehidupan sehari-hari. Ada gambaran besar dalam benak saya mengenai keseluruhan negeri nusantara ini dibangun sejak berabad-abad tahun silam. Juga ada perasaan bahwa ini adalah suatu proses yang memang harus saya lalui, dan hal ini menjadi suatu landasan yang penting dalam proses kehidupan saya kedepannya, ke beberapa dekade mendatang berikutnya. Dari sisi pribadi, saya banyak tersentuh, mendapatkan banyak nasihat, banyak pemahamaan intuitif dan melakukan refleksi diri secara mendalam yang tidak saya sangka-sangka. Perjalanan ini cukup singkat hanya satu minggu, namun saya seolah melakukan perjalanan ke dalam atau “inner journey” yang cukup panjang.

Semoga semua ini membawa kebaikan kepada diri saya sendiri, sehingga saya pun lebih mengenal diri sendiri, mampu mengemban tanggung jawab yang lebih besar lagi dimasa yang akan datang, dan membawa kebaikan yang lebih besar terhadap sesama.

“Whosoever knows himself knows his Creator”

Napak Tilas 2017, Jawa Tengah Sept 2017
Handoko Luo

April Syndrome ~ Being Thirty Something

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“Entering 30’s phase, deeply request for more humility, humbleness and readiness to bear bigger responsibility ahead..”, that was the sentence I wrote back then and really mean it. The best years of your life are in your 30s, say old people. It is said that 30s is the decade when you are peaking emotionally, intellectually, and physically – all at the same time.

For me personally, entering 30’s mark another journey inside, another circle of contemplative one, and discovery of many new things. Other people might do not experience it, but deep inside in me there’s always an inner and driving urge to do something important in this life, and it is getting stronger each passing year..

“You reap what you sow with your time. If you spend time to drink, you may become an alcoholic. If you spend time to complain, you may become a blamer. If you spend time to beautify yourself, you may become a pretty girl/handsome guy. If you spend time to stay healthy, you may enjoy a healthy good life. If you spend time to be picky, you may become a ‘mean’ person. If you spend time to learn, you may gain wisdom. If you spend time with your family, you may foster a warm and loving relationship with your loved ones.” – Jack Ma

So hello dear my self, how you did sow your time these past 2 years and how you have become..? If the universe is a marathon, this current life is like a mini sprint.. there is much to do, learn, and worlds ahead of you with many forks in the road to explore as you learn and expand through experience.. 😉

* New foundation of consciousness

At 30 year old, I had this feeling that perhaps after years of focusing in material world, there will be a time when I have to immerse and hone all my senses and vibration once again.. it’s been 5 years ago since the last exploration and now it keep coming back again, maybe it was the Soul’s way of steering me toward my spiritual path.. At first it was only scattered and random thoughts about matter, energy, vibration, EM wave, acoustic wave, consciousness, thought, DNA, reality, illusion, etc.. but seems everything has connection, like seeing the dim light here, there and everywhere.. and as usual, everytime you learn about universe secrets & fundamentals, worldly matters seem so insignificant..

If everything in nature is fundamentally energy and its manifestation of electromagnetic, and if magnetic current always form helical structure in a material, and if in magnetism there are always two helical magnetic currents opposing each other, wouldn’t it be so natural for living thing to encode / embody that magnetic/electric force in double helix structure in their core, such as seen in DNA.. thus this double helix structure is explainable.. and if it is.. and if human can easily at will command electric signals across million cells in the body for simple movement, wouldn’t it be so natural too that human have capability to harness electromagnetic energy from his/her core, and also to sense it from anybody else.. and if that so, then only by a conscious thought / consciousness there’s possibility to manipulate and to be connected with everything in the body and everything outside the body.. The Creator is like the master that holds colossal ball of energy and knowledge.. every living being also has a piece of that energy and knowledge within them, and that knowledge base can be spiritually accessed..

This inner urge to deepen my foundation of consciousness unexpectedly also led me to Kashmir Shaivism ~ an ancient teaching of awareness and a gem in its own, it is both subtle and real, very deep and complex explanation about each layer of consciousness / reality. This ancient teaching is so detail and complex, but so much more to learn. Lately I also immersed myself in learning how reality is actually created, that in this vibration based universe, every request is answered in 3 steps, 1) request / intent is made and sent, 2) universe is responding, 3) you have to let yourself to receive or to be in receiving vibration, which is there’s no contradiction thought and be in the same vibration as the request. So every journey — whether it’s from no money to abundance ; from sick body to magnificently well-being ; from relationships that make you want to run to relationships that make your heart sing… it does not matter what your request is, every single time — it must be an Emotional Journey first.. Most of all creation is complete before you begin to see the physical evidence of it and your future experience is being made for you before you approach it..

There are three factors that determine what your life experience will be : predetermined fate based on your life path choices, issues to resolve from current or past lives, and your mental intent along with your perception of your reality. All elements are important, and free will can lead you off your path, but ultimately fate will bring you back. Out of the three factors, the intent you put out along with your perception of your reality is the strongest, most influential piece driving your life..

And the more I want to know, the more challenge I will face off, the deeper root / clarity I should have. Without strong root, a high tree is vulnerable to fall upon its own weight.. There are layers of layers of mind-boggling reality, and it is a circular path.. Each time you complete the circle, you come around again with a new understanding, an expanded understanding of your identity..

you expand your knowledge, to be more grounded and firm.. you expand your heart, to be higher in vibration and loving.. you expand yourself, to be in greater good for all..

* Physical World experience

Some concepts and explanations might be known, but when you experience it for yourself it the meaning will be so much different.. I learned and experienced that the reality that I’ve created for years is the fulfillment for another people destiny.. 1) that you either create your own life story / reality, or you will cross paths with those who can create it for you by following them.. 2) when you create your own life story / reality, you will cross paths with those who are meant to be with you along the way.. 3) people might change or re-write their life path, thus change the possible future-interaction that might arise between you and the future fellow.. 4) so every people that cross paths with you right now, is the one who are meant to be with you for this temporary season of life path, until one has a change or fulfillment of his/her life path.. and the rest is free choice.. 5) that’s so called destiny & synchronicity is mutually created..

However life doesn’t reveal much until we try, in everything. This is similar to quantum physics, that reality is just a pool of uncertain possibilities until we measure / act at it. Like an old debate between certainty of classical physics and uncertainty of quantum physics, in general there are two types of how human approach life : in a structured way or in an open flexible way… and how you approach life will determine what is your perception about the world.. In structured way, you’re a master of organization, sticks to plan, and uncertainty is frightening.. what and how you can do is depends on what you know right now.. life is that way, and that’s how it’s done.. just pick the best according to what you have right now.. In open flexible way, you’re a free spirit, intuition is your friend, and uncertainty is new possibility.. what and how you can do is unlimited by what you know right now.. life is such a magical journey, and everything can happen along the way.. just pick the best according to what life present to you.. and I do enjoy the unexpected presents from life.. fortune is everywhere and sometimes feels so magical.. it’s there just right in time and outside the limited box of possibilities..

Also most of the significant things in life aren’t stand-alone events, but rather the sum of all the moments when we chose to do things 1 percent better or 1 percent worse in the long run.. “always question everything” is a way of looking for those 1% improvements.. I will choose the one thing that speaks truly to my heart, and then stay with it. It is both a journey of self-learning, and how to be sharing who I am with others..

As a man thinketh in his heart so is he.. man is literally what he thinks, his character being the complete sum of all his thoughts.. All achievements, whether in the business, intellectual, or spiritual world, are the result of definitely directed thought..

*Life Inspiration

Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing. I’ve seen a story about someone who established an airline company in her 39th age, and another story about someone who founded an airspace rocket company in his 31st age.. both represent incredible inner strength to create their own reality and conquer all the challenges.. It is the power of dream, to create a reality out of nowhere and very unique to ourselves and age is just a relative number to train our capability..

With all inspirations and imaginations, in Sept 2015 while I was 29, there was another insight of what will I do in the next decade.. a big one and sure will create big splash to everyone around me.. there’s a big gap with that future reality and my reality right now, so I will take my time to bring the gap closer so it can be manifested later on.. I will need these things :
1. Self-honesty and courage ~ to create a real reality out of dream and passion, so it is not just on a paper or sweet dream..
2. Technical Expertise ~ to sustain and grow, an endlessly learning and apply it..
3. Leadership skill ~ because ultimately I can’t do it alone.. there must be excellent reasons why people want to work with and follow my path..
I’ve seen some people dream about their dreamed reality while they are quite afraid of its side effects when it start to manifest later.. Why ? because most people are afraid of receiving the same level of fame, wealth, recognition and love.. it’s overwhelming being center of attention, achieving a very high standard, and you must be truly confident in yourself..

only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.. you will become as small as your controlling desire; as great as your dominant aspiration..

* Self Reminder

Sometimes we just carried away, doing too much compromise to our life principles and what we know as our true way of happiness, and unwell feelings might arise.. sometimes we just need to remind ourselves what is beneath and what is truly happening.. so this is me talking to myself, sometime wisdom from your own past, listen it..

“A monk decides to meditate alone, away from his monastery. He takes his boat out to the middle of the lake, moors it there, closes his eyes and begins his meditation. After a few hours of undisturbed silence, he suddenly feels the bump of another boat colliding with his own. With his eyes still closed, he senses his anger rising, and by the time he opens his eyes, he is ready to scream at the boatman who dared disturb his meditation. But when he opens his eyes, he sees it’s an empty boat that had probably got untethered and floated to the middle of the lake. At that moment, the monk achieves self-realization, and understands that the anger is within him; it merely needs the bump of an external object to provoke it out of him. From then on, whenever he comes across someone who irritates him or provokes him to anger, he reminds himself, “The other person is merely an empty boat. The anger is within me.”

You can wish for things in the future to be different, but in this moment you have to accept things as they are.. total and complete acceptance of this moment as they should be.. when you struggle against this moment, you’re actually against the entire universe..

Despite all appearances no one is really bad / evil, they are led astray by ignorance. If you ponder this truth you will offer more light.. Rather then blame and condemnation.”

No matter how ‘good/bad/unique’ you are, you are always open to be judged or misunderstood by another, it is inevitable.. however, you do have free choice to love each experience, or to view it as something ‘undesirable’.. to stay at peaceful space or to be disturbed by the experience, the choice is always yours to decide..

The serenity is lies in seeing the beauty in every chaos situation.. when you’re able to see the beauty, you’ll see it everywhere you go.. serenity everywhere..

* Self Discovery
It is a nice thing to know more of yourself first and foremost. Something I discover more about myself :

Birth name ~ now instead of birth name given by my parent, I received a name that depict my vibration in this life time very well since birth. The name has literal meaning “Swift Fortune”, swift mean happening smoothly or quickly, fortune mean good luck in many things and not only limited in wealth. Excellent name and suit me very well.

INTP personality ~ a sweet blend of Phlegmatic & Choleric profile. Previously I didn’t know that these personality has a name or description, but its explanation ticks every boxes of myself : abstract (intuitive) yet theoretical, make it so complex for others to understand and likely to be misunderstood.. always in search for the universal law behind everything, exploring concepts, making connections, and seeking understanding.. there was no ego to it. No “you won, I lost.” There was only gratitude at getting one step closer to truth.. so this is a new tool to communicate easier and faster with people who use psychology term.. some good news are : in the same potential boat with Einstein and Lincoln to contribute to the world.. 😉

* Personal story & self reflection

It’s been years since I have life-partner and feeling so much with heart-warming relationship.. It’s a blessing and I hope the best out of it..

Work-life balance ~ the four burners theory of success. According to the four-burners theory, success requires cutting off one of your burners. Those burners are : Work – Family – Friend – Health. To be really successful you have to cut off two. And for the last five years, I have been in my entrepreneurship season. I built a successful business, but it came with costs. I turned my friends burner way down and my family burner is only running halfway. And yes, this always in my mind during end of 2016 and I’ve seen it clearly.. 2017 is a new phase for me, a first ever to turn my work burner running halfway..

no wonder, how it’s really easy to lost yourself when you’re always busy with works and family.. sharing the laughter, the pain and joy, all memories and experiences…playing all biological roles you think you are, with all responsibilities and bounds you think yours.. doing all beliefs you think you must do.. all can be justified as an identity of self.. yet you don’t have exclusive time to be in touch with yourself, with the core of yourself.. to see inside yourself, to understand who you really are, to expand yourself, to see from higher perspective, and get the big picture of life..

Man can, and will, attain all knowledge and wisdom, if he seri­ously and persistently strives for perfection. The universal laws serve all those who are willing to see truth and wisdom in unlimited measure, in as much as they master themselves in all possible facets and de­velop their spiritual powers ever higher and higher, and perfect themselves thereby.

Maybe that’s all to conclude that has been made during these last 2 years.. it’s been a while to write this long about thoughts and progress.. let’s see what future brings..

There is natural flow of life.. Everything has its own time and everything ends.. Everything will unfold at the perfect time.. When the time has come, everything you need will come in abundance..

Give thanks to 31st year..
Bandung, April 2017
Handoko Luo

Kemampuan diri dan pencapaian hidup

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Tiba-tiba saya kepikiran ingin menuliskan hal ini, mungkin karena flashback dan berbagai hal yang saya lihat serta rasakan hingga saat ini.. Dalam tulisan kali ini saya coba menuangkan konsep pikiran saya tentang kemampuan diri sendiri, dimanakah kita selama ini memfokuskan kemampuan kita dan apa kaitannya secara abstrak.. karena sifatnya abstrak atau hanya sebatas pemikiran dan pengamatan pribadi, tentu saja hal ini sangat bisa untuk didebat..

Lingkup waktu pembahasan yang saya ambil kali ini adalah lingkup kerja dunia professional / pekerjaan / sesuatu yang kita lakukan di dunia masyarakat, karena setelah lepas dari dunia akademik sekitar 20’an tahun dan masa remaja, akan tiba dimana seseorang akan dihadapkan pada kehidupan, atau kalau kata orang-orang tua jaman dahulu : “kerasnya kehidupan”.. 😉

Sebelum kita betul-betul terjun ke dunia masyarakat, kita akan memiliki waktu yang panjang, mungkin 17 tahun, mungkin 20 tahun, mungkin 25 tahun, mungkin 30 tahun.. setiap orang memiliki time-frame yang berbeda-beda dan ini adalah waktu yang dibutuhkan untuk menempa diri sepuasnya, terlepas dari beban tanggung jawab finansial apalagi jika telah bekeluarga.. dimasa-masa inilah seorang individu menempa kemampuan / kepintaran Pikiran (IQ), Emosional (EQ), dan Spiritual (SQ), kemampuan ini akan menjadi modal kepintaran / capital intelligence saat kita terjun di dunia masyarakat, ketika kita berinteraksi dengan orang-orang disekitar kita dan saling membagi tanggung jawab pekerjaan..

Secara gambaran kasar sebagai berikut :
*. IQ adalah ‘the quality of our intelligence’ — how we use our minds and how to think
*. EQ adalah ‘the quality of our emotional responses’ — how we react to situations in our lives
*. SQ adalah ‘the quality of our social responses’ — how we connect and relate to others

Ada yang sangat menitiktekankan pengembangan IQ, ada yang di EQ, atau di SQ, masing-masing individu memiliki cerita hidup yang berbeda.. sebagai ilustrasi konsep saja, apabila pengembangan ini kita lakukan dengan seimbang maka secara rata-rata orang kebanyakan memiliki kemampuan seperti gambar dibawah ini, gambar kiri yang seluruhnya 50%, dan bayangkan apabila ada orang jenius yang sempurna (which is quite/nearly impossible) dibidangnya maka kemampuan dirinya adalah seperti gambar disebelah kanan, full 100%..

Lalu kaitannya apa dengan dunia pekerjaan kita, nasib kita dan takdir kita di dunia manusia ? IQ dalam hal ini kita batasi sebagai kemampuan teknis (bukan kepintaran bawaan genetik), yaitu kemampuan berkompetisi secara teknis dibidangnya, entah itu sebagai seniman, atau dokter, atau militer, atau karyawan, atau pengusaha, atau dsb.. kemampuan 100% bisa dikatakan sebagai pencapaian tertinggi, atau seorang maestro.. semisal seorang seniman pelukis memiliki kemampuan seperti Picasso, atau karyawan sebagai seorang General Manager / Pemimpin papan atas, atau seorang koki yang sangat lihai serta sanggup memasak masakan super lezat, atau seorang dokter yang luar biasa, ini murni hanya kemampuan teknis seorang individu yang ada dalam otak dan pikirannya, dengan segenap pengetahuan yang dimiliki..

Dalam kehidupan sehari-hari, sebisa mugkin kita terus melakukan pengembangan kepintaran IQ, pengembangan EQ (kebijaksanaan/kedewasaan diri sendiri) dan SQ (kecerdasan untuk menempatkan perilaku dan hidup kita dalam konteks makna yang lebih luas).. pengembangan teknis IQ bisa kita lakukan dengan cara tekun belajar sesuai kompetensi bidang masing-masing (buku/seminar/sekolah/dsb), pengembangan EQ bisa kita lakukan dengan cara mempelajari kebijaksanaan (belajar kisah hidup orang lain/buku-buku serta kalimat kebijaksanaan/dsb), pengembangan SQ bisa kita lakukan dengan mawas diri dan kontemplasi, merangkai berbagai benang merah dalam kehidupan..

Ada individu yang hanya berfokus pada kemampuan teknis IQ, kelihaian kemampuan teknis seorang diri, sehingga kalau kita jabarkan memiliki ilustrasi kemampuan diri seperti gambar dibawah sebelah kiri, dimana IQ menonjol tetapi EQ dan SQ tertinggal.. biasanya dalam dunia pekerjaan / professional manifestasi dari keadaan ini adalah timbulnya rasa arogan karena merasa paling pintar / orang lain tidak sepengetahuan dia, dan minimnya rasa humble atau rendah hati untuk sambung rasa dengan orang-orang disekitarnya.. hal ini dapat muncul di kehidupan nyata, ataupun dikehidupan media sosial, anda tentu bisa lihat orang-orang seperti ini dalam media sosial yang anda miliki saat ini, individu ini sangat senang apabila menguasai seni sarkasme atau menyindir atau luapan emosi tanpa terlalu mempertimbangkan bagaimana orang lain / masyarakat akan meresponnya..

Ada individu yang menekankan pengembangan EQ dan SQ, namun secara kemampuan teknis IQ sangat kurang, sehingga apa yang dikatakan dan perbuat kurang memiliki bobot manfaat teknis, dengan kata lain sering dianggap tidak berkompetensi dan tidak tahu ‘apa-apa’.. walaupun disukai oleh banyak orang, tetapi tentu saja kemajuan pekerjaan / usaha yang menuntut kelihaian pengetahuan teknis pun tidak dapat diraih.. namun apabila individu ybs menyadari hal ini maka dia akan bisa dengan segenap hati mempelajari kemampuan teknis IQ untuk mengejar kekurangannya, sehingga dia bisa menjadi ahli dibidangnya dan berhasil dalam segala upaya yang dilakukan dalam usaha/pekerjaan..

Namun manakah keadaan yang lebih sulit untuk berkembang antara kedua ilustrasi kemampuan diri diatas ? Dalam hal ini, lebih sulit bagi seorang individu yang berada di grafik sebelah kiri (IQ menonjol) untuk bisa berkembang karena minimnya EQ dan SQ menyebabkan dia “tidak tahu kalau dia tidak tahu”.. sehingga pengembangan EQ dan SQ tidak bisa dilakukan karena tidak adanya mawas diri dan kejernihan melihat keadaan diri sendiri.. berbeda dengan grafik sebelah atas kanan (EQ SQ menonjol), maka individu ybs dalam keadaan “tahu kalau dia tidak tahu”, maka akan timbul ‘peta-kehidupan’ / ‘kompas kehidupan’ yang jelas dan jernih, manakah yang harus dia lakukan, manakah yang harus dia pelajari, manakah yang harus dia kembangkan, apabila tidak dilakukan maka dia tahu apa kosekuensinya, dsb.. sehingga tidak terombang-ambing dalam setiap pengambilan keputusan dan pemilihan jalan hidup..

Dalam segala pekerjaan / usaha yang selalu melibatkan orang lain, maka mau tidak mau dan wajib dimensi kemampuan EQ dan SQ harus ditingkatkan secara maksimal. Mengapa ? karena seorang diri manusia dalam tubuh fisiknya saja memiliki keterbatasan, tubuh hanya 1 dan hanya bisa berada di satu tempat pada satu waktu, tangan hanya ada 2 sehingga terbatas dalam mengerjakan pekerjaan yang semakin banyak / tinggi, waktu yang dimiliki hanya 24 jam sehingga apabila bekerja sendirian maka akan menguras segenap tenaga dan pikiran individu tersebut.. Kemampuan EQ dan SQ lah yang menyebabkan orang-orang sekitar kita menyukai dan dengan senang hati membantu kita.. Apabila dalam dunia pekerjaan maka atasan kita dan bawahan kita akan menyukai kita dan percaya dengan kita, dan apabila kemampuan IQ kita juga mumpuni maka pintu promosi atau kenaikan karir yang disertai dengan kenaikan tanggung jawab dan kenaikan reward / hadiah sudah tentu ada dalam genggaman tangan.. Apabila dalam dunia usaha maka karyawan-karyawan kita akan menyukai dan percaya dengan kita, mereka akan bahu-membahu mengerahkan segenap kemampuan mereka membantu kita dalam setiap upaya yang kita lakukan, pelanggan kita pun akan sama menyukai dan percaya dengan kita sehingga hubungan usaha langgeng dan saling menguntungkan.. Hasil dari tingginya kemampuan EQ dan SQ ini adalah produktifitas pekerjaan / usaha yang jauh melampui keterbatasan diri sendiri, sehingga sebuah pekerjaan besar bisa dilakukan dalam waktu singkat, atau sebuah usaha bisa terus beroperasi sepanjang hari dan diberbagai lokasi tanpa ada masalah..

Hati-hati akan jebakan kelihaian IQ karena membuat anda terus dalam keadaaan “anda tidak tahu kalau anda tidak tahu”.. saya berulang kali melihat dan membaca dan mendengar curahan hati seorang professional atau pengusaha usia 40’an / 50’an yang baru menyadari ketertinggalannya dalam pengembangan EQ dan SQ dan berharap seandainya dia sudah menyadari tentang hal ini dari usia belianya.. telah banyak kesempatan-kesempatan serta waktu dan tenaga yang terlewatkan dan tidak optimal karena hanya terlalu mengandalkan kekuatan diri sendiri.. tentu nasibnya saat ini sudah jauh berbeda kalau dia menyadari tentang modal dasar / capital intelligence yang dimiliki saat menapaki dunia pekerjaan / usaha, yang rata-rata dimulai dari usia 20’an / 30’an..

Hal ini menjadi pekerjaan pribadi dari setiap individu termasuk saya sendiri, untuk menyadari apa kekurangan diri sendiri dan mengembangkannya.. apabila anda merasa saat ini memiliki kemampuan teknis IQ yang tinggi namun selalu bingung kenapa keadaan anda sulit maju dan seakan-akan anda berperang sendirian, mungkin sudah saatnya anda coba melihat ke dalam dan mengembangkan kebijaksanaan dan mawas diri.. apabila anda merasa saat ini sudah baik secara kebijaksaan dan mawas diri, maka teruslah tekun dalam mengembangkan kemampuan teknis IQ, maka anda akan anda capai tidak hanya untuk kebaikan diri sendiri, tetapi juga sangat bermanfaat bagi masyarakat luas dalam skala besar.. sebaik-baik Manusia adalah yang paling bermanfaat bagi orang lain bukan !?

Apa yang akan anda capai dengan tingginya pengembangan ketiga dimensi IQ, EQ, dan SQ ? anda akan masuk dalam keadaan “tahu kalau dirinya tahu”, self-confidence memancar, other human beings would love to be around you, the universe take care of themselves and provide you with everything you need..

Wish you happiness inside and in life..
Handoko Luo
Bandung, December 2016

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