I had a dream last week that my father was coming to pick me up because I was moving in with my friend Mary. I had my truck all packed and was ready to go. Of course, my father died in 1989 when he was 50 -- the age I am now. I have wondered, often this year, if I will really live longer than him. My friend Mary died several years ago. In my dream, my father was late and Mary called, angry, because she was waiting up all night for me to show up. In my early morning grogginess, I wondered if the dream was a sign that my time is nearly up.

Then, I realized that if I live a "normal" lifespan, I've only got 20 to 30 more years on this earth. I always heard the older folks saying that time moved more swiftly as they aged. I don't think I really believed them -- but it is so very true. The last years 20 (if I get even that) years of my life will probably pass in a flash.

Death isn't something I fear. God (and apparently Mary) are both waiting to welcome me home. Everybody dies of something, sooner or later. I do, however, long to stay around long enough to see my son grown, out of the house, and established in a life of his own.

What scares me is the question of what I've done with my life, and what dreams I have for the rest of it. I don't want to have spent my whole time here as some parasite on this planet. I'd like to leave the world a better place because I've lived. When I was young I'd always dreamed of doing something great and heroic. Now I know that sometimes the greatest and most heroic things are those that least look like either. Have I done anything useful yet? Is it too late? I can't change what I've done up to the age I'm at, but I want to make the most of the rest of my life.

If I reach March 17th alive, I'll be 51 and older than my father ever got. So what am I going to do with the gift of that time?

http://youtu.be/puDbC-tqX_w

I was just outside on a dark and windy night. The Teen was in the bathroom getting ready to shower. I was soooooo tempted to bang on the bathroom window and make zombie noises. It would have been even more effective than I thought since the Teen was in the process of discovering a spider in the bathtub, which he says he is scared of. He can’t really be that scared of spiders because he captured it and carried it outside.

I did confess to him what I was tempted to do. He said not giving into that temptation just makes me a “Not Too Bad Mom,: but I’ll give myself a good mom star for it.

I am He who died on a cross,
I am the Christian boss,
I died for your sins
So you wouldn't go to Hell's bin,
And you should probably floss.

Especially a certain someone I’ve not seen enough of lately.

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/blog/35-things-you-should-never-say-to-a-book-lover/

Tornadic Teen was looking at the life cycles of Pokemon while he was home sick, again, today. He said the life cycle of the Oddish (http://www.serebii.net/pokedex-rs/043.shtml) is rather sad. It follows the life of a human oddball. It starts as someone who is odd, an Oddish. Then it becomes a Gloom (http://www.serebii.net/pokedex-rs/044.shtml), meaning that, because they don’t fit in they become sad and depressed. It then becomes a Vileplume (http://www.serebii.net/pokedex-rs/045.shtml) because everyone treats it as something vile. Tornadic Teen claimed the Pokemon creators were documenting the life cycle of someone bullied for not fitting in.

Really kid? I love how insightful he is, but I worry about him.

Of course, then I said that after all that you grow up and don’t give a crap what other people think. And he said that means you take a different life path. Apparently, the creature has an option to change from a Gloom into a Bellossom (http://www.serebii.net/pokedex-rs/182.shtml) instead of a Vileplume. In Tornadic Teen language Bellossom means you blossomed into something awesome, which he said I did (wow, thanks). I asked him where he was in the process, and he said he skipped the Gloom stage and when straight to the awesome blossom.

Yep, he is awesome, and maybe I don’t have to worry too much.

Come see my first post. I’ll try not to make it too boring.

http://vintageengineer.wordpress.com/

This is more of a revelation than a resolution. Also, it was something I figured out about a month or so ago, but today seemed like a good day to write about it.

I don’t watch the popular tv shows, I don’t think I ever have, but I do watch tv -- more than I should I suppose. I tried to describe what I watch the most and it is reality tv contest type shows. It started with “Project Runway” and expanded to stuff like “So you think you can Dance,” “Face Off,” “Next Food Network Star,” and the like. I started to wonder why. I’m not, personally, interested in fashion, dancing, makeup, or cooking although I love watching the skill and creativity other people display in these areas. I don’t think the contest aspect of these shows is what draws me as I’m not really competitive. I came to the conclusion that I like the challenge aspect. I like seeing people face difficulties, confront them head on, and, more often than not, succeed in creating something awesome. Even when they fail, they usually have gone further in their creative and professional journey then they ever expected to.

So that is what I love about these shows. Watching people struggle and fight to reach their dreams. They aren’t afraid to put it all out there, in public, and give what they have to succeed. I need to do that. Not the tv part, obviously, but the challenge bit. The not being afraid to dream, spending time and effort to reach it -- or at least get closer.

Work hasn’t really challenged me for a while. My last job didn’t recognize the times I solved problems even the chief scientists (and other recognized geniuses) couldn’t. It isn’t that I wanted the recognition, but I wanted more of the fun work. Now that I’m finding my own work, it seems most people want a programer more than a math/signal processing guru. So I guess that I’m not working up to my potential -- but really, who is these days? I doubt those cleaning the restrooms at the public bus station are being intellectually stimulated, but they are feeding their families. We just all have to do what we can to bring in the money (and thankfully I enjoy what I do). But that is no excuse for not challenging myself by pushing my skills and creativity to the limits. Hence why I’ve been posting more about my adventures in engineering (and probably boring most of you).

So that is what I’m going to do, only more of it. I am going to challenge myself to do an make cool stuff. I’m thinking of starting a professional blog to save you all from my tech banter, but that, it itself, is a challenge.

Any chance I’ll be a fan favorite?

Old engineers can learn new tricks.

A while ago I attended an event from Backyard Brains at All Hands Active. Links if interested:

https://backyardbrains.com/
http://www.allhandsactive.com/

Backyard brains introduced a new product, an Aruduino shield which detects EMG signals on muscles.

https://backyardbrains.com/products/emgspikerbox

I collected some data by doing two different arm movements. Visually, I could see the difference in the data, but I couldn’t get reliable results with my old signal processing methods. So tonight, I applied a machine learning neural network technique I just learned from a Coursera class.

https://www.coursera.org/course/ml

And it works. Well even. I can get a scheme to detect different motions automatically.

So... that is what I’m doing on New Year’s Eve.