meisebelas

Oh hey

Been a long time since the last time I put something here

Well you see ,

I’m in my best mood lately

There’re still some dramas here and there

But I’m going great flowing through the stream

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Just want to put something here before I say goodbye to 2022

It’s been a roller coaster

Tried to heal my broken heart

Found love

Got hurt again (maybe cause of my expectations)

Tried to make myself happier (still working on it)

Learning to embrace everything (everyday!)

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And lastly

My wish for the coming year

Be happier than ever

I know it’s been hard so far

Thanks for holding on

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With love,

Your past self

So They said “nothing good comes after 3 am”

Guess it’s true afterall

Sitting here overthink things

I just realized, maybe I am not good for anyone

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Maybe I am selfish or my feeling is just numb

I just don’t know how to care about others

I put myslef first, always

In my defense, I need to save myself cus people eventually leave

Maybe I’m better off alone ?

But I hate being alone

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I think I need to talk with someone

But I never like the idea of sharing how I feel to someone

I don’t wanna let people see the low and depressed side of me

I want people to think I don’t have problems, or at least I don’t care about the problems

Maybe I need help ?

Yeah through this writing, although no one really read it

I feel relieved, to just share something

I don’t need to burden people on my problems

There are so many people out there got bigger shit to deal with compare to mine

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Anyway I hope this is just my overthinking taking over

Do I need help ?

Nahh… I’m good

So I just read about someone suicide himself and then left a note in a form of a google drive

Here’s the link of the drive

https://drive.google.com/drive/u/0/folders/1flA3H00X2idcioUpOdABGg5H9UJDnZYh

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First of all he wrote all of that so beautifully

But it’s not our part to criticize on the writing

Rather let’s focus on the message he tried to deliver

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For normal and sane person , we think that “why would he did that to himself ?”

I mean his living environment was better , and could still be better …

But here’s the thing, we don’t really know how it feels !!!

For us bystanders, we never know how it actually feels

The anxiety, the loneliness, the feeling of abandonment

Just because we are busy with our own problems

And most of the times we thought our problems are the toughest

Worst thing when we tend to cast aside people problems , and start whining about our own

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You know some old saying

When you speak, you just repeat what others said

But when you listen, you can learn something new

So yeah, better start listening to your surroundings now

Because sometimes we just need someone to listen to our story

It’s really hard to keep going when you got so much to say about things but got no one to say to

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As we still on the topic,

The reason I write on my page is a form of relieving my feelings

Cause back then I had no one to share my story to, my feelings…

All that pent up feelings in my chest, I feel like I don’t have anyone

I tend to shut people off when I’m down, so yeah it’s pretty much the same as that guy doing

It’s just I’m ashamed of my problems, and I don’t want to put my burdens on people

I attempted suicide, but failed (actually a good thing)

Still the thought of suicide linger in my head sometimes

But now I’m trying to be close to people around me , placing myself to never be alone and feel the loneliness

Cause it only make things worse just by being alone , just the thought of it scares me

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After reading that guy story

I just realized, I’m strong enough to get this far and I plan to go further 🙂

You know Rihanna once said “I love the way you lie”

But no, lying is never okay

Fuck white lies

Hurt me, but at least it’s the truth

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I maybe sad

But at least I can trust you

So please , don’t try to protect my feelings

Please don’t lie

Jadi ini video rekomendasi youtube

gatau kenapa youtube bisa banget rekomendasi cover lagu ini

seperti tau gitu suasana hati, berasa paling ngerti deh

.

Lirik lagunya sih tentang

bagaimana rasanya mencinta sendiri, bahkan setelah semua telah berakhir

cinta yang terlalu luar biasa, dirasakan selalu sakit tapi tak bisa dihilangkan

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cinta dalam sepi

hanya bisa menepi dan mengagumi mu dari jauh

cinta yang luar biasa

untuk kamu yang luar biasa