Neurotypical

The journey continues . . . sort of

It has been a month since the dyslexia diagnosis.  I haven't managed to request a meeting with the school to plan a 504 (which I think is basically the discussion of, this is my childs' diagnosis and these are the accomadations we can all agree on).  I find the conversations in my head going very negatively. This might be because of the following types of feedback . . .

"I have a masters degree in special education and she doesn't seem like she has ADHD"

or

 "My teacher told me it doesn't count if I listen to the book."

Backing up a bit, the teacher conference on Nov 18th went well.  But we both agreed we needed to visit again, as we were limited to 20 minutes.  Even though things have been said that annoy me to no end, I am trying to give her teacher the benefit of the doubt and believe she wants her to be successful.
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Our appointments with the speech therapist are going well.  Dad usually takes monkey, but I got to go once last week.   It is simple but neat to watch.  I've never thought my daughter not capable, but to watch her work with the speech therapist and to visit with the speech therapist reminds me that she is truly capable, no matter what feedback is coming out of the school district.
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I'll note that both her 2nd and 3rd grade teachers thought her capable also, but schooling is geared toward "neurotypical" kids so none of us know how she learns.

It has caused a bit of introspection on my part.  I have had to reexamine some of my own personal long held beliefs about education.  I've realized that they all come from my own experience.  Every last one.  There is nothing inherently wrong with that I suppose, how do we relate to anything except through our own experience?  But I am (mostly) neurotypical.  The traditional school system works for me.  I can memorize and review and rewrite and reproduce.  I can sit and focus and practice for a long stretch of time.  If there is anything that has become abundantly clear in the last year, it is this.  For all the ways my daughter is like me, she is also NOT like me.  (Duh right?) She is not me.  She doesn't learn successfully like I learned.  She thinks differently. 

 Still, working with the school makes me generally want to pull out my hair.  I want to say:

"Yes, that is because she has inattentive ADHD.  She is not hyperactive AT ALL." (Okay, I did say that)

"If you are anything like me, what you know about ADHD and dyslexia is so small compared to what is actually going on!  There is so much to understand.  What did you spend on these, a lecture?" (See where the conversation starts to go downhill in my head?  I am really sarcastic in my head. Her name is Molly.)

"What is your reasoning behind not allowing my daughter listening to books to count toward her reading?" (This one just hasn't come out yet, and honestly using audio is the number one thing I will request/require in the 504 meeting)
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In the meantime, three days before Winter break (go figure) we began to have successful "homework" days at home.  We verbally and visually (and tactile too) reviewed the states.  I (finally) came up with a way to review spelling.  It is NOT perfect at all, in that I can't remember the rules of language that would help her learn to spell some of these words.  However, it involves more than just re-writing the words..  I won't really know if it is helping until we've gotten to use it more in January.  

Also, our book program is finally working which means for the first time ever she sat and read along with a book for an hour.  An HOUR.  This is a big deal to me.  The book was Charlottes Web.  All of a sudden, this wealth of books I enjoyed as a child are potentially open to us.  And while I will sometimes do the reading out loud, she can read them herself! 

Christmas Program Practice

Among the 100 things that seem to be going on in the last few days. . .
Liam sang me some of the songs they are practicing at Preschool for their Christmas program.  It was so sweet and beautiful.  It took me back to when he was a small baby and we were watching Miriams Christmas program at McDonough Presbyterian.  I can't wait to attend this for him!
He sings at home but hardly at all in Primary.  I am still hopeful he will sing for the Christmas program.

Juggling some things

Recently I find I have a lot of weight I am carrying around about my children.

At the middle of second grade, I met with my daughters teacher.  We had a great conversation about some struggles she was having.  I finally asked, "do you think she has focus issues?" To which her teacher responded - "yes, I do."

The short version of the story is that by the end of May, we had seen a psychologist and psychiatrist at a great center for attention and learning, and she had been diagnosed with inattentive ADHD.  I found out there was a lot to know about ADHD, much more than I ever knew.  Of course, most of what I thought I knew wasn't right anyway!

Fast forward to today.  Truthfully, I dislike third grade.  It's reading and spelling and math and . . . oh they are not fast enough on their math facts so more home practice. . . and states.  And this is what we are supposed to do at home.  I don't know how to fit it in. We are two working parents.  And when you have a child that struggles it feels 10x worse.

Due to some further feedback we had my monkey further screened and tested and we received a diagnoses of  dyslexia and dysgraphia today.  While this is a whole new set of things to digest, I feel generally good about this as I feel addressing the dyslexia will help her with school and needed life skills a ton. 
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Beyond that I find my youngest son has trouble with hitting.  We know about it, we've tried to work with him.  But we are not very successful.  Yesterday, I happened to pick them up when he was in the preschool/daycare directors office.  So we all had a conversation together. 

Because I already felt up to my eyeballs in feedback that is not positive about my children this put me on overload.  I can't take any more "things"
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I love our center for attention and learning.  It's amazing.  They really focus on all kids having strengths and positive traits and they want to help.  But I feel we still have to spend a disproportionate amount of time discussing things that are not working.  Because we are still working through the process, I still walk away feeling frustrated.  I didn't know jumping into this how long it can really take to dig in and address issues until you find what will help.

No wonder these kids lose their self confidence in a traditional schooling system based on "normal"
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I love our preschool/daycare.  They are loving and fun.  I want to tell them that I am an idiot parent that has not had a child nearly as stubborn as this one.  And this is my first hitter.  I don't know what we need to do.  You tell me what to do.
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Who knew parenting would be this way?  This introverted people pleaser wants to crawl into a hole with Netflix and cookies; until I feel ready to face the world again.  Which might be after a couple of weeks by myself.



 

2016 election, done

I had so many things I wanted to say after yesterday's election.  I kept checking my phone where I was following the federal and local results.
I was floored. . .absolutely floored when Mr. Trump came in ahead. . .along with what seems like most of my friends.
Monday I had picked up the sermon notes from my kids daycare, which is in a church.  I worked through some of the scriptures and thought questions and I knew at the end who I could NOT vote in for President although I still felt unsure about who to vote for.
One quote that I want to pass on however is this. . ."No one political party has a corner on the will of God"  It was a good reminder to me to do my research and make the best decision I could without feeling bad about it.  None of them are perfect.  And God is truly the only one that can heal some of our problems.  Until then we must extend love, Christ's love, and compassion to people of all genders, ages, races, sexual orientations.  We have to provide for the poor and sick.  We must emotionally, physically, spiritually support pregnant women.  We must be educated and extend education to others.
Life can be so hard.  We are all broken. We need each other.  Help hold together your neighbors.  Together we can make a difference.

Gratitude!

I recently read the book "Heaven Is Here" by Stephanie Nielson. 

I've been struggling with several things over the last 4 or 5 months.  The result of which has been mostly a lack of desire to pray, attend church or work on faith in any way.  I missed my "faithful" life, but I also needed to spend some time sitting back and remembering who I am and what I think.  I needed to reconcile some of that with my faith life.

While reading "Heaven Is Here" my first reaction was mixed.  I had a hard time enjoying the perfect storytale life in the beginning.  When I finished the book however I  mostly felt gratitude that she shared her story.  Not even in overcoming her incredible trial, which was a well told in itself.  But by the end I felt a small kindled flame of gratitude for my life.  Gratitude for being a mother to my children and a wife to my husband even though some days are hard and I hate doing the dishes.  Right now, I find that I hate them less.  There is nothing wrong with what I am currently spending my time on, which is mostly raising children and fighting the mess.  I felt a greater desire to take care of myself and to enjoy what my body is capable of today.

Also, I realized how much I am going to be thankful to look back on my journals and my family blog and remember the little things about our life.  It is a beautiful, busy life, filled with little hands and voices that I do not want to forget. 

So here I am.

On feeling lonely

This afternoon I have an odd loneliness in my heart.  Honestly, it began with my neighbors leaving for the weekend.  Just the weekend.  But every time I look out my window it feels like something is missing.  The it continues with an odd dream I had.  This happens occasionally, I have a dream that messes up my emotions for a whole day.  I don't get spiritual message dreams, just odd emotional dreams.  And the moment when I think of a friend of mine who  moved rather suddenly two weeks ago.  I can't stop by.  She isn't there anymore.

Today, I attended church for 30 minutes, to take the sacrament and drop off some things for Primary.  Then I came home so I would be sure to have a few minutes with my dad before he left.   He's been visiting this weekend from Oregon, we've been fishing and playing  and working.

Now he's headed home.  I'm at the end of a 9 day stay-cation with my kids (back to work tomorrow) and the odd lonely feeling hits.  If I were to be honest, I recognize the feeling.  It happens to me every time one of my parents leaves after a visit.

Thankfully, it won't last very long, this lonely hole.  Tomorrow morning my husband starts a new job with a new schedule and the next couple of weeks will be busy and tiring with us figuring out the new normal routine for us.  I won't have too much time to dwell on this experience and loneliness will be filled with busy fullness.

Until then, I just have to take a minute to reflect on our many blessings of loving family.  Pray for healing from a loving God who has the power to make me full.

My little talker and the sacrament

My little boy loves to talk!  I'm amazed at the sentances that come out of his mouth sometimes.  He has two older siblings and a mom and dad to teach him I suppose!

This Sunday we made it to church early enough to go inside the chapel.  (I honestly don't remember the last time we all sat in the chapel together!)  Our kids did very well squeezed into our little row.  Nathan folds his little hands together during prayers now.  During the prayer for the water he sat in Daddys lap with his hands folder together.  At the end he said "Amen!"

And then...

"Amen."

"Amen!"

And THEN got really excited and tried to stand up and hollered,

"Yay!  Water!"

It was the sweetest thing ever!

I recently attended my cousins wedding in the Boise area.  They decided to take communion as a couple at the end of the ceremony as a celebration of Gods goodness and forgiveness in their lives.

What if we felt that in our lives?  That sweet, unhindered joy in Jesus Christ.  Excitement at being made clean each week by partaking of the sacrament? What if inside we were celebrating, "Yay! The water is coming!"  How would that change our experience of taking the sacrament?