| twentyTEN |
[03 Jan 2010|08:16pm] |
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mood |
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 calm |
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So the year of the noughties has zipped past. 2009 definitely has been one of the best years I've had. The ups and downs. Some of the downs I never thought I'll make through and many of the ups were pleasant surprises.
As much as I can feel nostalgic even though I'm barely into the new year yet and as much as I can lament on the past, but it's twentyTEN now and there's no looking back. One thing for sure is that seeing how this is gonna be my final semester at uni, I'll be at the cross-roads once again. But this time, I can make decisions knowing that God has got my back.
It's gonna be a scary next 12 months. Moving onto the next stage in life and joining everyone else in the corporate world (for good this time) and making big important decisions. New things to learn and some not so new things to fine tune. I really dont know what to expect, where to go, or even who I'll become within the next 12 months. It's gonna be a time of restful increase, a time of faith, a time of favour, a time of wisdom and a time for reflection. Boldly entering this new decade with graduation ahead and the corporate world awaiting me, I really hope to achieve big things. A girl can never dream too big. I see couples with their families and how far they have come. Then I tell myself, "surely I'll be better than this, surely I'll get more, surely this isnt the end". Not that I belittle them in any way shape or form but I know that there's just so much more.
And as I proceed on with each step of faith, even as I step into the office tomorrow for the first time in 2010, I know that God has ordained my steps and that everything has been mapped out more than two decades ago.
Exciting-scary indeed.
twentyTEN. Here's to more amazing experiences, even more beautiful memories and "something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue".
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| The Scars You Bear Are A Sign That You Are A Competitor... |
[12 Nov 2009|12:58am] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
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It's been a while huh, hasnt it? It's true that women's brains are like hard disks. They store stuff and when someone else says or does something, it triggers a search and y'know how there's the Spotlight function on a Mac? It's as though a search is done using the Spotlight function and ta-dahhh there we have found the retrieved memory. I am still very much amazed at how our subconscious minds can take in and retain so much, without much effort. I for one am quite the 'smell, sights and sounds' girl. Probably more on smell and sounds. These triggers which somehow seems to take you back to that time and place, here or there, now or then, good or bad.
I've had alot of memory triggers lately. But today I had one of those which took much longer as I pondered over circumstances. I was very unhappily studying at Tate today without my beloved study buddy Val. This heatwave certainly wasnt helping either. I hadnt had my morning coffee and was feeling restless and was talking more than I usually would but obviously constantly reminded myself to keep my volume to a minimal. Cut the long story short, D, Fel and myself were told off by this angmoh guy to shut up. I could have argued back and said this isnt a quiet study area because technically it's a collaborative work space. In addition, earphones were invented for a reason. If not, I would strongly recommend ear plugs if one needs complete silence. I had all these reasons on why I should be allowed to talk at a reasonable volume. And it wasnt as though I was so audible that everyone could hear what I had to say. I just kept thinking about the situation because I really wasnt too happy that the guy was quite mean about it. He could have told us nicely but he didnt. All I wanted to do then was to yell my head off back at him.
Then after thinking about it for so long, it finally triggered an old memory when I was in the shower - I was told by my primary one form teacher to shut up because I talk too much in class. I really believe because of her comment, I was scarred for life. I remembered it was then on that I didnt dare speak up, I didnt dare be heard because I was too loud and I talked too much for her liking. It was then at that moment I instantaneously lost my confidence as a six-year-old. Through the years it impeded my growth and even though there are still things I am learning right now, but often I dont say alot of things that I probably would if not for being told to shut up when I was six. And I realised the parallel. I wasnt out of line, I really dont believe I was. But the thing is that often enough, there will always be someone out there in the world to tell you to tone it down, lower your volume even if it's at a reasonable level or worst still, to completely shut your trap. I honestly and strongly believe that the generation that we have today is a generation that is crying out, wanting to be heard, wanting to be seen, wanting to be noticed. Beg to differ? Then tell me why we have blogs, why do we use social sites such as Facebook and Twitter? A large part of today's society is lost and dying but wanting to be heard, wanting to be saved. Peter, who was one of the twelve disciples, was a motormouth but yet Jesus didnt just write him off like that *snaps fingers*.
Going back to that memory as an innocent six-year-old, it was then that I was young and knew little, believing that I was truly talking too much for my own good and placing that ceiling above my head, to remind myself to keep quiet because people dont like me to talk or be loud. And more than a decade later, a similar situation happened. This time, more ready to handle what was gonna be thrown in my face, that feeling of humiliation to be told to shut up grew as that moment kept rewinding and being played back in my head (told you women's brains are like hard disks, we even "record" it and have 'stop', 'pause', 'rewind', 'fast forward' and 'play' buttons to boot). But as a chosen one, as His Princess, as the one who was created in His image, as the one who is called to empower a generation to win a generation, as a new creation, I dont play by the rules of this world. I live by Kingdom Principles. I dont have to shut up just because this angmoh dude wasnt too happy with my reasonable volume and smiles and perhaps annoyance and/or jealousy took over and I just so happened to be someone he wanted to take the blame for his reaction when perhaps the trigger could have been something within. I'm not gonna shut up completely just because of someone else's displeasure. It doesnt mean that I stop doing what I do, stop living the way I live or even stop talking with such enthusiasm or passion.
Our generation really does need a voice. So here I am. Not gonna shut up even though I've been told to do so.
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| 10 things that makes you realise that winter is over and spring is here |
[20 Sep 2009|10:58pm] |
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mood |
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 busy |
] |
- It's already September - already got my September issue of Vogue!
- New York Fashion Week is here.
- You finish class at 6pm and the sky is still bright.
- The weather is strangely warmer.
- You hardly use your winter jacket.
- You only bring your scarf to church to save seats.
- Your pair of boots has to retire till next winter.
- You start to sneeze alot.
- You know that you're having hay fever from all the abundant pollen flying in the air.
- Yet you still are so stubborn and refuse to go to the chemist to buy anti-histamines.
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| Que Serait le monde sans les filles? |
[01 Sep 2009|11:23pm] |
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mood |
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thankful |
] |
Because You make all things new Yes You make all things new And I will follow You Forward. It's not just selectively some things, but all things. In Him, all things will be renewed. One week could change things, let alone one month odd. Say goodbye, Time to trade in the old for the new. |
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| The Look of Love is Saying So Much More Than Just Words Could Ever Say |
[20 Aug 2009|11:39pm] |
These days, only words communicate expressions on this world wide web. Emo-icons really fail to bring across the true expression of joy, strength, mischief, sadness and love. I pause to think, are we all so reliant on technology that say if for one day, Twitter went down, Facebook crashed, MSN committed suicide, Skype didnt want to 'skype' anymore...and all we are left with, at best is the telephone, are we all gonna suffer from some sort of withdrawal symptom?
Connections dont just form with words.
What if, I say what if I just wanted to sit down and enjoy your lovely company in the beautiful silence?
You dont have to say anything at all.
Because it's more than words.
And I miss you more than these words could ever say....
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| Spring of Hope and Winter of Despair |
[23 Jul 2009|09:12pm] |
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mood |
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hopeful |
] |
The past one and a half weeks have been so busy filled with many things to do, mostly of which pertaining to Kern's to-do-list before he flew off from Melbourne. This definitely included all the packing up, junk to throw out, stuff to distribute and all the farewell lunches and dinners I was brought along to. Oh and not forgetting the infamous drawer full of 2 years' worth of bills, statements and other miscellaneous documents, all of which I filed very nicely in one night. Indeed I am proud of myself.
Beautiful Woman is just around the corner at the end of the month and will be held at Hisense Arena. I dont know is it just me or what, but it's a place which holds memories for me. Yes I know I am a very visual and smell person. Places, things and smell evoke moments which flash by from the past.
Uni has also started and this will be my 8th semester. Scarily true that I'm almost done with my 4th year at uni. This semester will be yet another interesting one. Advanced financial accounting will be similar to last semester's monster unit - investments and portfolio management. Hopefully my electives will balance out the workload.
Things are gonna be different this semester. Not just in uni, but in almost every aspect of my life. Issues that need to be sorted out, cracks to be filled, holes to be mended, screws to be tightened, a new coat of paint to be painted and things to be rebuilt, resculptured and reorganised. Sure it'll take months, but in this time whilst wounds heal, it is really my prayer that this thing so close to my heart will withstand time and challenges that are thrown at us along the way, that God is the glue that holds it together, that restoration will come to past.
Time for more reflection and to find God and myself amidst all of these.
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| Like sinking ships, but we persevere.. |
[20 Jun 2009|02:59pm] |
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mood |
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 melancholy |
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Everyone of us dream to be someone somewhere someday.
Without a dream, we'll lose our direction.
Without direction, we'll feel lost.
I dont ever want to feel lost even though some dreams have yet come to past.
Life is unfortunately not made out of pink clouds and sweet candy floss.
A bump or a bruise here and there.
Yet I know that after all the tears shed,
It's time once again to stand back up on my feet and fight like a girl.
We need to learn to take more risks.
Low risks, low returns.
High risks, high returns.
Worse still, no risk, no returns (let's not even delve into the whole RFR thing here).
On some days I cant help but wake up
And start to miss people who arent here
And people who arent gonna be here.
Fact is, life is too short to stay too safe and comfortable.
And all I can do right now, is to look up
And know that the hope
That comes from the Fatherdoesnt disappoint.
Someday
One day.
"Intimacy is a four syllable word for,
"Here's my heart and soul, please grind them into hamburger, and enjoy."
It's both desired, and feared.
Difficult to live with, and impossible to live without.
Intimacy also comes attached to the three R's... relatives, romance, and roommates.
There are some things you can't escape.
And other things you just don't want to know."
-Dr Meredith Grey (Grey's Anatomy)
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| Friendships Made and Pleasures Shared |
[30 May 2009|06:33pm] |
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mood |
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 blank |
] |
Just thinking
about a friend makes you
want to do a happy dance,
because a friend is
someone who loves you
in spite of your faults.- Charles Schultz |
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| You are the potter, I am the clay. |
[20 May 2009|01:35pm] |
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mood |
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sad |
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I havent posted in a very very long time. This semester is by far the one which has gone by the quickest. I know I've grown much stronger in certain areas and been able to let go in others, which to me, is really comforting because in retrospect, this time last year, I look at myself and wonder how could I even have managed to let go of certain things and truly it is only by the grace of God that I have come this far.
I dont ever want to be stuck in vicious comatose cycle of life, missing out on so many opportunities and experiences. I have goals. I have dreams so big that sometimes I ask God if they are even possible despite knowing that these are God dreams. Silly me. But in this season of transition, I know that trusting God is all I can do. It's like walking on a suspended bridge. You cant keep looking down because you know your silly brain and silly thoughts will trick you into thinking that you'll fall. All you have to do is just keep your eyes fixed on the end and take each step with courage.
There are things which happen in life which sometimes do not turn out the way you want to. Life is not the way you dictate it to be. Because some things that we want may not necessarily be the best for us. Things happen for a reason. One of it is to shape us, to build our character. We may not like it because we're blinded by the things in front of us. And telling the flesh to be in line with the spirit can be trying.
I asked how come it seems that some people go through many transitions in life whilst others merely go through a few. Seems like people like me learn the most from transitions and that's how God teaches me, shapes me, moulds me and uses me. I can tell you honestly that all the transitions I've been through have been really painful but again it reminds me of who I am today because of the things I've been through.
There are some things which are not within one's control and so there's nothing one can do. Well the moral of the story is that since there is nothing one can do, doing nothing would be the thing to do. And leaning on God's strength and trusting Him for the best. It's so much easier saying it than actually doing it. Trust me (no pun intended).
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| Because, Impossible is Nothing. |
[25 Mar 2009|01:28pm] |
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mood |
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busy |
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My back has still been hurting on and off, but it's been much better. It's been exactly two whole weeks since my back started hurting. I took about one week off and rested and lived by the no strenuous activity mantra and then one week of nothing but relaxing swims at the heated lap pool. Two weeks later (ie today), I'm back at the gym.
During the two weeks of staying off the gym, I was a bit worried that my stamina would deteriorate and terrible running form with my arms flying around everywhere as though I'm in the process of cooking up char-kuay-teow. Surprisingly, I didnt really lose form, only that my legs got a wee bit tired earlier than usual. But my arms really felt like I was ready to conquer the world. Looks like swimming did my arms some good. Hence I'm a happy camper. (:
I've got a week and a half left to race day and that means that's all I have left to train! I reckon I'll be in pretty good form by then.
Look out for me, I'm on my way to be a lean mean endurance machine!
Gym junkie, out!
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| We're Lost in a Masquarade |
[14 Mar 2009|12:56am] |
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mood |
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relaxed |
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My mind has been ticking quite alot lately. Tick-tock-tick-tock. That's right. Friday the 13th for the month of February and March have been pretty amazing. These days, it's really quite a luxury to just sit down and hang out with a friend, watch the world go by together, reminisce and feel nostalgic about the past, share your dreams, hopes and future. And I managed to do that with a childhood friend today whom I grew up with. I've practically known her almost my whole life. And it was good to just sit down, have a good dinner with good company and toss in a few good laughs.
Uni has been picking up speed but I'm not complaining really. Currently I'm just a teeny weeny anxious as to whether or not I'll be getting an Economics major accredited towards my double degree when I graduate. This can be such a pain sometimes I tell you. Other than that, I've been loving classes thus far (with thus far being the key words). I've been loving life so far. The occasional walks on my own in my own little world down Flinders Lane with all the little cafes just left right up down smack centre.
I'm a small (okay maybe not so small) girl with big dreams. My eyes widen and glisten; my heart skips a beat when I pass through the CBD. A journey of self-discovery, the constant excitement of learning something new...A stroll along the Yarra River after my outdoor morning run, pausing to close my eyes, inhale and exhale, to breathe in the fresh air, to feel the cool breeze in my face and the serenity of it all.
I really have so much to say. But that...would be left for another day..
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| One Week Could Change Things |
[15 Feb 2009|08:36pm] |
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mood |
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a happy camper |
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It was a little strange not sitting in Gallery West at my stipulated hour today but I've been having a flurry of text messages since last weekend so I've been perpetually having some sort of company 24/7. Then there's the (in Joey's words, which totally cracked me up when I read her text message) "Let's Rip Off Consumers and Cheapen Romance Day" weekend of which I must say I absolutely enjoyed. (:
Then there was today, post-vday and I went shopping for proper walkable shoes. Not that the shoes can walk on its own but towering in those killer heels at work has made my bunions worse and I've to stop. Hence I've resorted to Adidas casual shoes. Their flats are actually pretty fantastic. I saw this pair which comes in black and red many many seasons back but now I regret not buying them! And then I saw one of mommy's nice patent black bags which has the famous logo of interlocking Cs. It's one of my dream bags. The day will come when I own a few of those. This summer has made me such a shopper, seriously.
I'm pretty much done with packing. I have so much to bring back, I have no idea how did my assets multiply over summer. The clothes, shoes and bags. Enough to fill up one entire luggage just those alone. Let alone some household stuff and other essentials.
And to end off, I should just reflect over my entire summer break.
Work has been crazy as per usual. Workload extremely heavy and I worked long and hard. Colleagues werent exactly what I was expecting (in a not so good way) and it was a drag. Everyday I was looking forward to the weekend and the only thing which kept me sane was going to visit God every weekend and a shopping trip as a cherry on top of the ice-cream.
Due to work, I had an almost non-existent social life. Other than meeting a special few, the rest had to book in an appointment when I get back to Melbourne. But with thanks to technology, I could constantly stay connected to those special few and virtually have company with me even if I'm having a terrible day at the office. The company I had over the past week was more than I could ask for, really. I wouldnt have caught Bride Wars if not for good company.
For 2009, i really want to be living the life God has called me to and to be stronger, to stand up and face those enemies and having the courage to say yes to the right things and no to the wrong. 2009, it will be legend-wait-for-it-dary. (:
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| Why are there so many songs about rainbows? |
[12 Feb 2009|04:56pm] |
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mood |
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 sleepy |
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I dont know how I managed to but I did get through the last 10 weeks. It hasnt been marshmallow landing but the importance lies in the fact that it's over.
In other news, I'm on leave! Yesterday was nice and quiet with a gym sesh just a 5 minute run down from my place. I was utterly horrified to learn from my running log that my last run was on 28th November 2008! How shameful. Yesterday was approximately a 3km run just to get back into the routine at a rather intense pace without any music. And my abs are aching today so much so that when i laugh, my abs hurt terribly.
To a certain extent, I just want to get back to my uni life and leave the corporate world for the time being.
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| Good Days and Bad Days |
[13 Jan 2009|08:42pm] |
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mood |
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 sick |
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There's just something about work that makes me wake up at 6.30am and dream (no pun intended) about going back to sleep. Work has been a blast drag, really. I dont know how I've endured such nonsense for the past 5 weeks but all I know is that I have another 5 weeks of similar, if not worse nonsense to go.
Today wasnt any better. Nonsense in, nonsense out. To top it off, I felt terrible when I woke up. A tad feverish and with a mercury-heavy head. And then I felt like fainting on my way to work, which is definitely not a good sign. Then more nonsense throughout the day.
Honestly, it's days like these which make me ask myself why did I even accept this summer job, why do I even bother working so hard at work, why do I even bother making the effort at work when I get bullied, why do I even bother working over summer when I could actually bum around and actually enjoy my summer break, free and easy. It's days like these I tell myself that I refuse to work next summer but I know I cant possibly do that because I'm such a workaholic. I stress during lunch because I have so much to do and no time to eat properly. And knowing me, I end up doing work and eating in front of the laptop during lunch. It's as though no matter how much I sleep I wont feel better when I wake up in the morning.
Oh Lordy, let the next 5 weeks of work pass fly, pleaseee.
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| A Brand New Skinny Makes Me a Happy Girl |
[10 Jan 2009|10:39pm] |
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mood |
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tired |
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Weekends are meant for retail therapy. I was told that it is normal for one, a girl especially, to do some retail therapy when stressed, work-related or not.
Then there's the very fantastic Raffles City near my office which I just roam around for at least half an hour going into stores like the very renowned Robinsons departmental store just going to have a look at the cosmetic counters and a whiff here and there at the array of Chanel fragrances. Then there's none other than Coach which is established for their wonderful leather goods. A store which I've been dying to go to because they dont have a branch in Melbourne. Apparently the only Coach store in Australia is in Sydney, if I'm not wrong.
Maybe it's just how I operate. Occurrences of retail therapy increase proportionately to the stress levels. And clearly, I have been and am stressed.
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| Brand New Spanking Year |
[01 Jan 2009|02:15pm] |
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mood |
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reflective |
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It's the first day of 2009. And it dawned on me yesterday on how different 2008 was from 2007. In retrospect, 2008 really zipped by and because I'm currently working, am unable to have enough time to myself. I havent had alone time in quite a while and the more I thought about it, the more I realised that this last year I've been constantly on the ball of my feet.
The summer break has been pretty okay so far. My weekly meetups and shopping (or sometimes window shopping) trips with Joanney has made the summer break a tad more bearable. The shopping has been pretty good, adding quite a number more black dresses to my wardrobe.
Work has been crazy as usual (and we shall leave this topic of discussion right at this point).
Then the past week I've been thinking whilst at work how good God has been to me. Despite all these, my life has been pretty comfortable so far. I dont have to worry about food, clothing and a roof over my head. I love the district in which I live and God has placed certain people within the work place to get me through the current toxic corporate bubble. Seriously, my clients are God-sent because I have such good rapport with them.
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| Merry Making |
[24 Dec 2008|07:38pm] |
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mood |
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tired |
] |
Not so merry making for the eve of Christmas I would say. Especially not in the office.
Ah well...But I've tomorrow off and that's definitely something to look forward to.
Then Friday and then the weekend!
I.CANT.WAIT.FOR.THE.WEEKEND.
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| Of Life to its Fullest |
[20 Dec 2008|11:17pm] |
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mood |
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reflective |
] |
Life is full of unexpected turns.
One minute you're on cloud nine and the next you feel like you're six feet under.
Maybe only then can we experience living life to its fullest.
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| Thoughts and Perceptions |
[14 Dec 2008|09:45pm] |
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mood |
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nostalgic |
] |
It's been a while. There's been this gap of which I have no idea as to how to reduce. I'm taking things as they go but so far this has been it.
Dont you think it's strange how people think that things are still the same when really, things have indeed changed but the only thing which has not changed is that person him/herself?
People fail to see many things because they dont change their perspectives.
And I myself am still working on that.
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| Of Great Expectations and First Impressions |
[10 Dec 2008|08:53pm] |
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mood |
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working |
] |
A lot of things in life revolve around managing one's expectations. Satisfaction kicks in once expectations have been met. But not all the time expectations can be met. Different people have different expectations. One person's 'excellent' may be another's 'average'. A manager may expect his/her team member to perform but if it's not delivered, expectations are obviously not met. Set your expectations too high and you're bound to be disappointed. Set them too low and you would not be reaching your potential and would be easily satisfied as well as unmotivated to take that step out of one's comfort zone.
Then there is this thing called the 'first impression'. It is said that within the first few seconds of meeting someone or encountering something new, the first impression of that person or situation is formed. However once a bad first impression is formed, it can be pretty difficult to change one's perception. It's not impossible, but it's simply hard work.
On a side note, I havent felt productive this week. Hopefully things would improve soon.
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