Lovejoy

Lovejoy (1986–1994) is a British television comedy-drama mystery series, based on the novels by John Grant under the pen name Jonathan Gash. The show, which ran to 71 episodes over six series, was originally broadcast on BBC1, though there was a five-year gap between the first and second series. The show is about an irresistible rogue with a keen eye for antiques. The part-time detective scours the murky salerooms, auction halls and stately homes of Britain, always on the lookout for a find.

Season 1

The Firefly Cage [1.01]

Lovejoy: [aside to camera] If home is where the heart is, then this is home to me, an auction room, an auction day when the old ticker beats faster with the slender possibility that somewhere, just somewhere among the birdcages, silver spoons, commemorative medals, roll top desks and castoffs from Grannie's attic, somewhere amongst that lot, a genuine authentic antique will appear shining with all the love that made it.

Drummer: Never take up with a posh, Lovejoy.

Lovejoy: [to Nicola] Nobody should be allowed to spoil a work of art... even a spoiled bitch like you!

Tinker Dill: [after Lovejoy has been beaten] Well, they didn't mark the face too much, dear heart. You look no worse than you usually do.

Lovejoy: They must have marked me everywhere else. Mind you, I didn't feel much last night because I was pissed on Lady Jane's champagne.

Eric Catchpole: [defensively] You told me to pick a name at random.

Tinker Dill: Yes, drink does deaden pain. That's one of the reasons I imbibe so frequently.

The Axeman Cometh [1.02]

Miss Taylor: [Showing him a sealed envelope] You know what this is, don't you, Mr. Lovejoy?

Lovejoy: I can see it's not a singing telegram.

Eric Catchpole: Is it valuable?

Lovejoy: Is the Pope Polish?

Bert Frobel: [Referring to the Arab wedding veil] Where did you get it?

Lovejoy: It fell out of the sky.

Bert Frobel: The only thing that falls out of the sky in this country is bird shit!

Vial: You know something, Lovejoy, sometimes I think the English are constitutionally incapable of eating well.

Lovejoy: Just incapable of cooking.

Lovejoy: [Aside to camera] One of the joys of buying rare and beautiful things is coming to a sale.

The Sting [1.03]

Charlie Gimbert: I need you, Lovejoy. Since my wife died, I need someone to hate.

Tinker Dill: There is nothing wrong with good, honest forgery.

Lovejoy: I wish you wouldn't drink while I drive.

Tinker Dill: [Holding his whiskey flask] I'm wearing my seat belt.

David: Who are you to talk to me like that?

Lovejoy: Who do I have to be to talk to you like that?

Lovejoy: [Aside to camera] Gimbert's is a typical auction such as you'll find in any quaint, sleepy British country town. Behind that august, classical exterior beats the scarlet emotion of pure greed.

Charlie Gimbert: I need a favor.

Lovejoy: We all do, Charlie.

Friends, Romans and Enemies [1.04]

Lady Jane Felsham: You'll never make the upper classes, Lovejoy; you're too much of a snob.

The Judas Pair [1.05]

Tinker Dill: Only a man with the quirks of a collector would kill for a pair of bloody guns.

Lovejoy: If the villain we're after doesn't show at the sale, he might come after us - force his hand.

Eric Catchpole: Here, hold on, Lovejoy! This guy's a desperate killer! We might be in danger!

Lovejoy: [to Tink] He complained his job was too boring!

To Sleep No More [1.06]

Eric Catchpole: [At the funeral] Was he really such a great forger?

Tinker Dill: [Taking exception] Copyist! They're only a forger when they're caught.

Tinker Dill: That fifth scotch made me playful.

Eric Catchpole: [to Lady Jane about Lovejoy's car] Between you and ma, your Ladyship, the only genuine antique around here is that car!

Lovejoy: Cheeky sod! She's prractically pawing the ground - ready to be off.

Lovejoy: [to Eric] You have as much feel for antiques as Lucretia Borgia had for embroidery.

Lovejoy: Everyone has their price.

Celia Mattock: Quite. What's yours?

Lovejoy: My pick of the lovelies.

Smiley O'Reilly: We'd have to be friggin' idiots to do that!

Lovejoy: Then it's a deal. Cheers, George.

The Real Thing [1.07]

Charlie Gimbert: [Hearing it was Lovejoy who conned his spiral staircase] Lovejoy!

Morgan: Lovejoy! I'll demolish that cottage of his!

Charlie Gimbert: Steady on. He rents that from me - but I wouldn't mind if you demolished him.

Cuthie: [Opening the door of his trailer and seeing Lovejoy] Lovejoy! What's the matter? Are you an insomniac or something?

Lovejoy: Nine o'clock, Cuthie. Time all honest men were up.

Cuthie: Well, that let's you and me out then, doesn't it?

Charlie Gimbert: [Angrily] Lovejoy, you scumbag! You owe me a spiral staircase!

Lovejoy: [to Palmer] You don't know the difference between a Farege and a French fry.

The March of Time [1.08]

Eric Catchpole: We shouldn't be out in the country piddling around like this. We should be back home trying to make a dishonest living.

Lovejoy: Eric, do you ever get the feeling you've been someplace before?

Eric Catchpole: Yeah, I went to this Judas Priest concert last year, and I thought, 'Eric, you've been here before.'

Lovejoy: Just deja vu.

Eric Catchpole: Well, not really. I'd been to see Iron Maiden there the month before.

Lovejoy: If you're not careful, Eric, you'll end up in one of those camps.

Eric Catchpole: What camps?

Lovejoy: Those internment camps they have for Heavy Metal freaks on Foulness Island.

Lovejoy: [Wanting to be alone with Sophy] Eric, take another walk.

Eric Catchpole: Where to?

Lovejoy: Edinburgh.

Sophy Fairfax: Are you sure you're not a lawyer or a detective or something?

Lovejoy: Or something.

Ricky Price: Uncle Ricky always pays you cash.

Lovejoy: I didn't come for your terrible beer.

Ricky Price: You're a snob, Lovejoy.

Lovejoy: Not where cash is concerned.

Lovejoy: [as he is sitting at a bar] Can you hear me?

Tinker Dill: I not only can hear you, Lovejoy, I can see both of you.

Death and Venice: Part One [1.09]

Lady Jane Felsham: [to Lovejoy] For someone as unprincipled as you, you do have remarkable principles!

Pinder: [Noticing Lovejoy is awed by his collection of art] You're impressed, Mr. Lovejoy?

Lovejoy: Oh, antiques are my drugs. I just OD'd.

Eric Catchpole: [Drinking and eating rather sloppily at Janes's table] I made a date with the girl who works in the bar. [Gesturing her breast size with his hands] She's got fantastic knockers!

Lovejoy: [Slightly embarrassed, to Jane] Don't worry. He won't be staying to dinner.

Caterina: [on the phone] Yes, well my name's Caterina Norman.

Lovejoy: Blond, sleek, casually but immaculately dressed, blue eyes, cool expression yet with a hint of a sensual smile. I vaguely recollect you.

Lady Jane Felsham: Why does Lovejoy spend half his life in seedy rooms, doing seedy deals with seedy people?

Eric Catchpole: He's good at it.

Lovejoy: [to Tink] Hello, Tink. What are you doing here? The bars are open.

Death and Venice: Part Two [1.10]

Lovejoy: I never hit a man when someone can do it better.

Lovejoy: You know what they say: a great fake must be better than the original.

Lovejoy: Is there something in Venice that makes people talk like Shakespeare?

Season 2

Just Desserts [2.01]

Lovejoy: [Aside to audience, about his unjust sentence on prison farm] You could argue, I suppose, that I've done a few shady things in the past, so it all equals out, but you didn't have to spend eight months here sleeping next to a tattooed biker called Mavis.

Lady Jane Felsham: [to Lovejoy] You've always been broke, and you've always had a tarnished reputation.

Lady Jane Felsham: You see he's always promised it to this ghastly lady novelist, Harriet Barker.

Lovejoy: Oh, I read one of her novels in the nick. Torrid stuff, Jance. Eeech! There's so much sex she obviously wasn't getting any.

Lovejoy: You take as long as you want. I'm used to killing time.

The Italian Venus [2.02]

Sir Hugo Carey-Holden: [to Lovejoy] Well, thank you for entertaining my wife. It doesn't take much these days.

Gervais Rackham: Ah, Lovejoy, your foul little plan seems to be working!

Bin Diving [2.03]

Lovejoy: Are you arresting me or what?

DS Graham Bentley: I think right now it falls into the or what category?

Lovejoy: [to Brian] Do you give a discount for dust?

DS Graham Bentley: I'm determined to nick you, Lovejoy.

Lovejoy: I'm big on people with principles.

Montezuma's Revenge [2.04]

Lovejoy: Nothing like an old curse to add a bob or two to the price.

Who Dares, Sings [2.05]

One Born Every Minute [2.06]

Lovejoy: Will you meet him?

Tinker Dill: Why not? Looks like rain.

Lovejoy: Rain stops play.

Major Chatfield: Lovejoy, I'll be honest.

Lovejoy: Major, must you?

Whiteman: We'd like you to do something for us, Lovejoy.

Lovejoy: What's in it for me? I don't work for God, Queen, or country... only for cash!

Whiteman: [to Jenkins] Tell him what's in it for him.

Jenkins: [Menacingly] Good health.

Lovejoy: I knew it would be one of those smart-ass answers.

Whiteman: A vasectomy means never having to say you're sorry.

Lovejoy: Sorry.

National Wealth [2.07]

Sugar & Spice [2.08]

Raise the Hispanic [2.09]

Lily's Pearls [2.10]

Black Virgin of Vladimir [2.11]

Harry Catapodis: What I could do with a half million pounds right now!

Lovejoy: I know the feeling.

Lovejoy: [as Marcelis is fussing with his thinning hair] Pull yourself together, Marcel, your hair's too far gone even for an act of God.

Lovejoy: Have I ever let you down before?

Cyril Catchpole: Yes!

Lovejoy: That was then. This is now!

Lovejoy: [to Miki] Quit that Seven Samurai stuff or I'm off the case!

Season 3

Friends in High Places [3.01]

Lady Jane Felsham: Eric, I don't know whether to kiss or salute you.

Eric Catchpole: Well, I know which one I'd prefer.

Lovejoy: [Aside to audience] I mean, who wants a Lovejoy when you can have a Utrillo?

Out to Lunch [3.02]

Tinker Dill: I was in the army with a bloke who tried to top himself, once.

Eric Catchpole: 'ow'd he do it?

Tinker Dill: Well after a great deal of thought, he settled on hanging.

Eric Catchpole: Hanging? hmm.

Tinker Dill: He found a tree with a branch that stretched right out over the sea...

Eric Catchpole: Spectacular.

Tinker Dill: ...and to save himself pain, he took an overdose of pills...

Eric Catchpole: Wasn't leavin' anything to chance, was 'e?

Tinker Dill: ...and just to make trebly sure, he decided to shoot himself.

Eric Catchpole: What happened?

Tinker Dill: Well, he slipped the noose 'round his neck, cocked the pistol, swallowed the pills, and stepped out over the cliff.

Eric Catchpole: ...and...

Tinker Dill: Well, the jerk of the rope ruined his aim. The bullet missed his head, cut the rope, he dropped like a stone into the sea, swallowed so much salt water that he vomited up the pills, and swam back to shore a better and a wiser man Gunga Din. Last I heard he was growing chrysanth's in Yarmouth.

No Strings [3.03]

Declan Grady: [to Tink] I don't sing anymore for the same reason you don't live in a great big country mansion. The truth caught up with us.

Lovejoy: Yesterday I'd never been on a boat. Now I want to spend the rest of my life on one... with her.

Lovejoy: Women may let you down... antiques never.

Angel Trousers [3.04]

Eric Catchpole: How do I look?

Tinker Dill: About as naval as a belly button.

Lovejoy: The only thing the deceased and I have in common is we both want to be off this bloody boat.

Benin Bronze [3.05]

Eric of Arabia [3.06]

Scotch on the Rocks [3.07]

Loveknots [3.08]

Smoke Your Nose [3.09]

Lovejoy: Maybe it's better to have friends than lovers.

Kids [3.10]

Lovejoy: Lovejoy's the name; sleuthing's the game.

Wendover: [Admiring an antique clock Lovejoy has just bid him out of] Did well with that clock, didn't you?

Lovejoy: Birmingham Bertha.

Wendover: The question I ask meself, Lovejoy, is how are you gonna pay for it?

Lovejoy: I've a very philosophical response to that.

Wendover: Yeah?

Lovejoy: Mind your own business!

David Herbert: [Referring to his relationship with Vicky] I know I'm not what you had in mind for her.

Lovejoy: I didn't have anything in mind.

Lovejoy: [Referring to her young gigolo] Toy boys are out of fashion, Bonnie.

Bonnie Wright: I know. I was always one step behind, wasn't I?

Members Only [3.11]

Eric Catchpole: [Looking at a drunken, hungover Tink] My God, Tink, you look like the rough end of a pineapple.

Mr. Kashimoto: [Admiring one of Lovejoy's garish coffee mugs, "Golfers Do It With Balls!"] Where can I get such China, please? Most amusing.

Lovejoy: [Graciously] A gift to Mr. Kashimoto. Yours to empty. Yours to hold.

Highland Fling: Part One [3.12]

Lady Jane Felsham: [Watching an amorous couple kissing in a pub] It'll end in tears.

Edward Brooksby: [Toasting] Here's to it! Health!

Katriona Brooksby: Wealth!

Lady Jane Felsham: Happiness!

Lovejoy: Mud in your eye!

Eric Catchpole: [Showing his business card to a girl he's picked up in a pub] Look! "Lovejoy and Associates!" I'm an associate.

Lovejoy: [to Jane before dinner] By the way, when do we get nose bagged? I'm starving.

Lady Jane Felsham: The old parts of the house pre-date the flood.

Highland Fling: Part Two [3.13]

Lovejoy: [interrupting their foreplay after spotting something in the bedroom] Jane, Jane, Jane! You know that an old portfolio always makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up!

Lady Jane Felsham: [sarcastically] I'm glad something's in working order.

Tinker Dill: If it wasn't for the fact that I gave up worrying years ago, I'd worry about you, Eric.

The Prague Sun [3.14]

Tinker Dill: [In a cautionary tone] Don't let a whiff of buried treasure and a pretty ankle turn your heads.

Policeman: [Referring to the critically injured Marek] Reckon he had enemies?

Lovejoy: Only the Luftwaffe.

Lovejoy: Oh, you're an artist?

Marina: Yes, that's why I have no money.

Karel Redl: [to Lovejoy] It's reassuring you put greed before honour.

Eric Catchpole: [Referring to his old girlfriend] That'll put a wrinkle in her knickers.

Lovejoy: Doesn't strike me as the sort of girl who wears them.

Season 4

The Napoleonic Commode [4.01]

Tinker Dill: Few people can resist a pit bull tax collector when he has his teeth firmly embedded in your bottom.

Bernard: We've had some real dingbats in here. You've heard about the stuffed wolf, haven't you?

Eric Catchpole: Stuffed wolf?

Bernard: A couple of months ago an old geezer brought this stuffed wolf in with him - about four foot high.

Eric Catchpole: The geezer?

Bernard: No, the wolf. He put it in the corner of his room, and the central heating dried it out so much the skin split open, and guess what there was inside?

Tinker Dill: Little Red Riding Hood?

The Ring [4.02]

Second Fiddle [4.03]

Lovejoy: [to Jane] Could you dig a little, see what comes up with the shovel?

The Colour of Mary [4.04]

Lovejoy: Every good family has to have a black sheep, Jane.

Fly the Flag [4.05]

Judgement of Solomon [4.06]

The Galloping Major [4.07]

Lovejoy: [Sarcastically] Good thinking, Eric. Both gray cells working today?

God Helps Those [4.08]

They Call Me Midas [4.09]

Lovejoy: Trust me.

Tinker Dill: Those two words have preceded some of the worst experiences of my life, Lovejoy.

Irish Stew [4.10]

Eric: What did he do?

Lovejoy: Never mind. He's a double-breasted scumbag!

Lovejoy: How's Charley?

Lady Jane: He's a beast... tiger... skunk!

Lovejoy: Just his aftershave.

Liam O'Grady: An old man really appreciates courtesy from the young, I tell you.

Tinker: Especially when they're buying.

Dainty Dish [4.11]

Taking the Pledge [4.12]

Lovejoy Loses It [4.13]

Tinker Dill: [Looking at a tableful of half-finished liquor bottles in the dead artist's studio] Well, I think he was a better drinker than a painter.

Lovejoy: [Cheerily] Good morning, Tinker!

Tinker Dill: Oh, Lovejoy, it's disgustingly early!

Season 5

Pig in a Poke [5.01]

Lovejoy: [to Dill and Eric] I declare this 'think tank' open.

Who Is the Fairest of Them All? [5.02]

Tinker Dill: [Observing Eric peering in through the window of a ballet class] You can get arrested for that, you know!

Eric Catchpole: [Turning around and seeing Tink going through pirouettes and other ballet moves] You can get arrested for that and all.

A Going Concern [5.03]

Detective: [Frustratingly referring to the senile Lady Alfreston] As soon as I can get Lady Afreston to remember who you are - and who she is - I'll be back!

The Kakiemon Tiger [5.04]

Tinker Dill: [Nearing a pub] Well, I can feel a glass of lunch coming on.

Rathbone: [Threatening Lovejoy] Mr. Litvak's saying is, "All men are cremated equal."

Eric Catchpole: [to Beth] When they say, "Very rare," they mean "Very expensive."

Three Men and a Brittle Lady [5.05]

Charlie Gimbert: [Rhetorically] Is it genuine? It's the only question I ask these days of antiques and women.

DS Bob Pulver: [Metaphorically] He who sups with the Devil can expect to get wind.

Charlotte Cavendish: [Angry that her house has been burgled] Who do these people think they are?

Lovejoy: They're burglars. That's who they think they are.

Charlotte Cavendish: [Needing help to recover her stolen artworks] Will you help me or not?

Lovejoy: Expenses, Charlotte. 10% of the insurance evaluation.

Charlotte Cavendish: Do you ever do anything for free, Lovejoy?

Lovejoy: That's a very natty idea, but I don't think it'll catch on.

Ducking and Diving [5.06]

Lovejoy: [Aside to camera as he walks toward Charlotte's house] Always believe that tonight will be the night. One night it will.

Lovejoy: [Angrily, to Beth] Young lady, let me give you a lesson in life. When you see somebody hit their thumb with a hammer, do not offer any advice on how to hammer nails! Simply walk away without saying anything!

Lovejoy: [Furious after Eric has caused his valuable gun to fall into the water] That bone-headed rocker that you call a partner has just knocked my Purdey in the drink!

Lovejoy: [Correcting him] Associate.

Charlie Gimbert: What?

Lovejoy: He's an associate, not a partner.

Charlie Gimbert: [Angrily] You should stop associating with imbeciles!

Stones of Destiny [5.07]

Tinker Dill: [Lifting a particularly heavy piece of furniture] Come into the land of hernia.

Poetic Licence [5.08]

Charlotte Cavendish: What are we doing? We're valuing posh junk!

The Peking Gun [5.09]

Charlie Gimbert: Talking of rogues and reprobates, where's Tinker?

Charlotte Cavendish: [to Lovejoy] Angela Chang would eat you for breakfast, and she wouldn't bother with chopsticks!

Lovejoy: [Panicking when they find they're trapped] Well, it's gotta be Plan B then, hasn't it?

Charlotte Cavendish: What's that?

Lovejoy: You don't know either?

Lovejoy: Now we're going to put Plan B into operation!

Charlotte Cavendish: You remembered what it was?

Lovejoy: Yes, run!

Lovejoy: [to Charlotte] As far as I'm concerned, anybody who does business with a meat cleaver as an introduction can have a private sale whenever they want.

Goose Bumps [5.10]

Lovejoy: [to Charlie] Doo-doo is a small price to pay for keeping up with the doggy set.

Swings and Roundabouts [5.11]

Charlotte Cavendish: I love your optimism.

Lovejoy: I love your nose!

Lovejoy: There is nothing more attractive than a beautiful woman blushing.

Lovejoy: [Aside to camera] Do you remember those days when you're sixteen and full of tomorrow?

Never Judge a Book by Its Cover [5.12]

[Lovejoy and Charlotte are walking on a path round the edge of a large lawn in the quadrangle of a Cambridge college]

Lovejoy: Why don't we just make a beeline across the grass?

Charlotte Cavendish: Because it would be worse than raping the Chancellor's wife on the altar of King's College Chapel.

Lovejoy: Who is the Chancellor?

Charlotte Cavendish: I think it's the Duke of Edinburgh.

Lovejoy: Oh, we'll stick to the path, then. His wife's got enough problems!

Tinker Dill: The world of art, Mr. Taylor, is connected to the highest aspirations of man.

Charlotte Cavendish: You've got a determined look in your eye.

Lovejoy: What look's that?

Charlotte Cavendish: The one you get when you're determined.

The Price of Fish [5.13]

Mabel Horsham: In life you have to seize the moment, Lovejoy. Death doesn't wait for the time.

Beth Taylor: You see, what you don't understand about women, Lovejoy, is that we assume men are insincere until they're proven otherwise. For men though it's the other way around.

Lovejoy: As much sympathy that I have with the plight of the homeless, I have no intention of experiencing it firsthand.

The Lost Colony [5.14]

Lovejoy: Well, obviously I'd like to get to know you better, Mary-John - unless that's out of the question, us being kinfolk?

Mary-John Lovejoy: I think we can safely say, cousin, that we're far enough apart in the gene pool.

Tinker Dill: Lovejoy had a conscience bypass years ago.

Mary-John Lovejoy: [Drinking moonshine] It's smooth, isn't it?

Lovejoy: Hope the enamel is still on my teeth!

Lovejoy: When people go missing in America, they usually turn up in L.A., don't they?

Mary-John Lovejoy: When are you boys goin' to realize that when a girl says 'no,' she means 'no?'

Charlotte Cavendish: Well, Lovejoy, you can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family.

Season 6

Fair Exchange [6.01]

Tinker Dill: What the eye don't see, the heart don't grieve.

Gordon: I thought this was supposed to be a romantic evening for two!

Charlotte Cavendish: You were thinking with the wrong part of the anatomy, Gordon.

Lovejoy: I'd slit my wrists if I had a razor.

Day of Reckoning [6.02]

Max Hunter: [to Charlotte, his bound and gagged captive, as he devises a death trap for Lovejoy] Remarkable how rewarding life can be if only one is prepared to be adaptable.

Max Hunter: You're a smart woman, Miss Cavendish. It will be a pleasure to kill you.

Sam Cavendish: [after learning of Charlotte's kidnapping] Funny, we never know what we value most till we stand to lose it.

Max Hunter: [Sadistically, to a trapped Lovejoy] Smile! You're on Candid Camera!

Max Hunter: You've got a first-class mind, Lovejoy. It's a pleasure to read it!

Somewhere - Over the Rainbow? [6.03]

Lovejoy: Listen, some people... chaps, like to keep things private... like Tink. I respected him for that.

Charlotte Cavendish: Fine, OK, fine. Forget it.

[She self-consciously clears her throat]

Lovejoy: Are you blaming me for something, Charlotte?

Charlotte Cavendish: Sometimes, people... chaps... need to share things, but they need a signal... otherwise they bottle it up... and that can be sad. That's all I'm saying.

[Both are silent]

Double Edged Sword [6.04]

Beth Taylor: Do you remember, Tinker, where you was when Kennedy died?

Tinker Dill: My dear Beth, I don't remember where I was last Wednesday.

Frank Whymark: [to Lovejoy] Offer a man a bribe. If he refuses, offer him a bullet. - Al Capone 1928.

Frank Whymark: [to Lovejoy] My feeling about pain is, it's better to give than to receive.

Lovejoy: [Looking at a sketch of the girl who robbed him] Jim, excuse me. I saw her at the auction. She's not more than 25!

Jim Leonard: What are you getting at?

Lovejoy: Well, nothing, Maestro, except you don't look like Gregory Peck anymore.

Jim Leonard: Nor does Gregory Peck!

Beth Taylor: Who's Gregory Peck?

Lovejoy: A samurai sword.

Charlotte Cavendish: Mmmm! [Takes the photocopy and looks at it] Bet that spilt some blood in its day.

Lovejoy: Its day may not be over. It might only be Group A Rhesus positive, but it's all I got.

Guns and Roses [6.05]

Kevin the Ponce: We've all got our blind spots, Mr. Burgess.

Burgess: Haven't we all?

Alice Williams: [Pouting] Lovejoy, I can't live on bread and kisses.

Lovejoy: A bit starchy, isn't it? You need a bit of protein.

Charlotte Cavendish: Oh, you're an artist? Have I ever seen anything of yours hung?

Alice Williams: Only Lovejoy.

The Last of the Uzkoks [6.06]

Lovejoy: Have I annoyed you in some way?

Charlotte Cavendish: [Clearly frustrated] I want to make it absolutely plain to you, Lovejoy, that you do not annoy me, and that is what is so completely infuriating.

Walter Gimbert: Of course, the best form of security is a carefully contrived appearance of neglect.

Lara Iskander: [Sarcastically as she brushes dust off his shoulder] Then you must be a very safe man.

Breaking the Broker [6.07]

Charlotte Cavendish: [Looking with distaste at Tink's garish bowtie] Where are you going in that foul thing?

Tinker Dill: Women's Institute.

Charlotte Cavendish: [as Tink walks away] What would Tinker be doing at the Woman's Institute?

Lovejoy: What everyone does at the Women's Institute... talk about sex.

Lovejoy: [Opening his door and seeing Pulver] Arnie... hah, you give me a break?

DS Arnie Pulver: I'd love to... right around the fourth vertebrae.

Lovejoy: Betrayal does not come easily to me.

Konrad Dekker: [Angrily, as he sees Lovejoy in police headquarters] Hey! Why isn't this man behind bars? First, he robs my gallery, then my house. What now - my soul?

Lovejoy: Where would I find it, Konnie?

Fruit of the Desert [6.08]

Tinker Dill: You know, Lovejoy, you'll have so few friends you'll only have one handle on your coffin, and that'll be on the inside.

Holding the Baby [6.09]

Tinker Dill: If only the moon were made of green cheese, then rockets would be shaped like fondue forks.

Charlotte Cavendish: [to Lovejoy] I wouldn't trust you with a stuffed gerbil, let alone a baby.

Last Tango in Lavenham [6.10]

Lovejoy: [Aside to camera] Sometimes the past is a safer place.

Lovejoy: You're a barker. Barkers don't retire.

Tinker Dill: Ronnie Barker did.

Lovejoy: Nelson Mandela is President of South Africa, you're going on the wagon, and I'm getting married.

Tinker Dill: Here's to the three of us.

Tinker Dill: [about his marriage] Are you getting cold feet?

Lovejoy: Can't tell, Tink. I have no feeling below my knees.

Tinker Dill: As long as you have feelings above them.

Charlotte Cavendish: [to Jane] The trouble with women like us is we think we can change people like Lovejoy.

Lovejoy: [Last words of the episode and the entire series] The past is a foreign country, and Lovejoy doesn't live there anymore.

Cast

Ian McShane - Lovejoy
Chris Jury - Eric Catchpole (series 1–5; guest, series 6)
Dudley Sutton - Tinker Dill
Phyllis Logan - Lady Jane Felsham (series 1–5; guest, series 6)
Malcolm Tierney - Charlie Gimbert (series 1, 4–5)
Diane Parish - Beth Taylor (series 5–6)
Caroline Langrishe - Charlotte Cavendish (series 5–6)

External links

Wikipedia

Wikipedia has an article about:

Lovejoy

Lovejoy quotes at the Internet Movie Database