Intro post
Name (real or online): Michelle, aka Crysania (I go by either)
Age: 35
Location (if you wish): Syracuse, NY
How long you have been estranged from your family/a family member: 2+ years
A brief description of the circumstances surrounding the estrangement: Brief? This ought to be good. The person I am estranged from is my brother. The rest of my family is awesome and I love my parents dearly. My brother, though. Well, once upon a time we were the best of friends. My parents thought it a good idea to have us 14 months apart (I'm the older one) and so we grew up as close friends.
Once he hit puberty it all changed. He got angry, really angry, over nothing. He would chase me when I came into the house, pin me to my bed, and beat me hard on the shoulder area. I was bruised all the time, but no one could ever see where those bruises were. It got so that I was scared of him and would rush to my room and lock the door before he could chase me down. I left to go to college and things SEEMED to chill out.
Then I moved home in 2004. And I discovered that things were no better. I don't even see my brother except for on holidays and even THOSE suck really bad with him.
2004: In mid-November of that year my parents came back from one of their cruises. My brother (Scott) picked them up at the airport. Since it was around dinner time, he asked them what they were doing for dinner. They said going out to dinner. He invited himself and his girlfriend along. I got home just as my parents got home and decided to join them even though I had already eaten. So the end of the meal comes, my Dad asks to split the bill. Scott gives him the money and storms out. Turns out he was pissed off that he had picked them up at the airport and they made him pay...he felt they OWED him. And he was super pissed that I didn't have to pay. Like RAGING ANGRY. What did I have to eat there? Nothing. I had a soda. He ultimately broke their presents to him and nearly ran over their dog in his anger. He didn't talk to any of us for months. Christmas was basically a non-affair. He didn't come over. We saw him at the family gathering and he barely said two words to my folks and said nothing to me.
2005: Was ok, actually. No more tense than usual.
2006: My mother decided to have Christmas Eve at their house. The first time in MANY YEARS. My brother? He got drunk on 12/23 and was too hung over and ill to come over. He has a real problem that when he drinks, even a few beers, he gets really really sick. This was our last Christmas in their old house. You know, the one we grew up in?
2007: My parents had moved into their new house by now. Usually we had Christmas an hour away with my mother's family but with my grandmother not doing well and in a nursing home, everyone opted to celebrate Christmas early at the nursing home with her. So my mother had Christmas day at her house for the first time in like OUR ENTIRE LIVES. My brother got drunk on Christmas Eve and while goofing off with his friends, he hurt his back really bad. He could barely get out of bed the next day. His girlfriend and her son came over. He did not. My mother was crushed. Another Christmas destroyed.
2008: The Christmas that lives on in infamy. This is the last time I saw my brother until our paths crossed recently. We again had Christmas at my parent's house. This was the first Christmas without my Grandmother, who died in October of that year. So needless to say it was a sad occasion to start with for us all. My mother told us the wrong time to show up and so we came over at 1pm, when we thought we were supposed to be there before that. Apparently we were EATING around 1pm. My brother was angry. Really angry. We explained it was a misunderstanding. He fumed. He drank. He told racist jokes (something that has bothered me since he was a teenager) and David (my partner) got upset. Then David stepped out to take Dahlia (our dog) out to pee and my brother EXPLODED, shouting about how we didn't care about family, just ourselves and our friends and that he wanted nothing to do with us. He dragged his girlfriend and her son out with him and left before we even sat down to dinner. It crushed my mother, made my Dad mad. And yet another Christmas destroyed.
We had the next two Christmases separate with my parents, even though it killed them. We had Thanksgiving this year separately. My brother recently told my mother he hates me because I'm fat and he can't stand that. But there's a lot more than that and I often wish he would get help. He has serious anger issues. He consistently tells racist and homophobic jokes. He always feels like we OWE him. He keeps this sort of mental tally in his head whenever he does something nice for someone and then they should "pay him back" and if you DON'T, then he gets really angry. He's thrown books through walls, put dents in cars, and has bloodied his knuckles beating the crap out of a punching bag. Needless to say, he has major issues and it's caused a lot of strife with the family. He stills talks to my parents, but they walk on eggshells around him. And he and I don't talk.
TL;DR: My brother is a racist jerk with anger issues. Also, congrats to anyone who got through that mess.
Age: 35
Location (if you wish): Syracuse, NY
How long you have been estranged from your family/a family member: 2+ years
A brief description of the circumstances surrounding the estrangement: Brief? This ought to be good. The person I am estranged from is my brother. The rest of my family is awesome and I love my parents dearly. My brother, though. Well, once upon a time we were the best of friends. My parents thought it a good idea to have us 14 months apart (I'm the older one) and so we grew up as close friends.
Once he hit puberty it all changed. He got angry, really angry, over nothing. He would chase me when I came into the house, pin me to my bed, and beat me hard on the shoulder area. I was bruised all the time, but no one could ever see where those bruises were. It got so that I was scared of him and would rush to my room and lock the door before he could chase me down. I left to go to college and things SEEMED to chill out.
Then I moved home in 2004. And I discovered that things were no better. I don't even see my brother except for on holidays and even THOSE suck really bad with him.
2004: In mid-November of that year my parents came back from one of their cruises. My brother (Scott) picked them up at the airport. Since it was around dinner time, he asked them what they were doing for dinner. They said going out to dinner. He invited himself and his girlfriend along. I got home just as my parents got home and decided to join them even though I had already eaten. So the end of the meal comes, my Dad asks to split the bill. Scott gives him the money and storms out. Turns out he was pissed off that he had picked them up at the airport and they made him pay...he felt they OWED him. And he was super pissed that I didn't have to pay. Like RAGING ANGRY. What did I have to eat there? Nothing. I had a soda. He ultimately broke their presents to him and nearly ran over their dog in his anger. He didn't talk to any of us for months. Christmas was basically a non-affair. He didn't come over. We saw him at the family gathering and he barely said two words to my folks and said nothing to me.
2005: Was ok, actually. No more tense than usual.
2006: My mother decided to have Christmas Eve at their house. The first time in MANY YEARS. My brother? He got drunk on 12/23 and was too hung over and ill to come over. He has a real problem that when he drinks, even a few beers, he gets really really sick. This was our last Christmas in their old house. You know, the one we grew up in?
2007: My parents had moved into their new house by now. Usually we had Christmas an hour away with my mother's family but with my grandmother not doing well and in a nursing home, everyone opted to celebrate Christmas early at the nursing home with her. So my mother had Christmas day at her house for the first time in like OUR ENTIRE LIVES. My brother got drunk on Christmas Eve and while goofing off with his friends, he hurt his back really bad. He could barely get out of bed the next day. His girlfriend and her son came over. He did not. My mother was crushed. Another Christmas destroyed.
2008: The Christmas that lives on in infamy. This is the last time I saw my brother until our paths crossed recently. We again had Christmas at my parent's house. This was the first Christmas without my Grandmother, who died in October of that year. So needless to say it was a sad occasion to start with for us all. My mother told us the wrong time to show up and so we came over at 1pm, when we thought we were supposed to be there before that. Apparently we were EATING around 1pm. My brother was angry. Really angry. We explained it was a misunderstanding. He fumed. He drank. He told racist jokes (something that has bothered me since he was a teenager) and David (my partner) got upset. Then David stepped out to take Dahlia (our dog) out to pee and my brother EXPLODED, shouting about how we didn't care about family, just ourselves and our friends and that he wanted nothing to do with us. He dragged his girlfriend and her son out with him and left before we even sat down to dinner. It crushed my mother, made my Dad mad. And yet another Christmas destroyed.
We had the next two Christmases separate with my parents, even though it killed them. We had Thanksgiving this year separately. My brother recently told my mother he hates me because I'm fat and he can't stand that. But there's a lot more than that and I often wish he would get help. He has serious anger issues. He consistently tells racist and homophobic jokes. He always feels like we OWE him. He keeps this sort of mental tally in his head whenever he does something nice for someone and then they should "pay him back" and if you DON'T, then he gets really angry. He's thrown books through walls, put dents in cars, and has bloodied his knuckles beating the crap out of a punching bag. Needless to say, he has major issues and it's caused a lot of strife with the family. He stills talks to my parents, but they walk on eggshells around him. And he and I don't talk.
TL;DR: My brother is a racist jerk with anger issues. Also, congrats to anyone who got through that mess.
