i just joined this community....

ok,well my name is ashley,im 17 almost 18 in 3 months and 29 days.i kno this community isnt about a death of ur father but about dead beat dads or w/e.but i nneded to find a place where i could tell ppl about my dad and my reason for being the way i am.

ok well,my dad killed himself November 9th,2004.he slit his wrists and hung himself......i wasnt very close to him but i was getting there.i do miss him alot,i have his ashes in my bedroom on an altar with pictures and some of his old things.you see i've been suicidal since i was 11-12 yrs old, i never really understood why it helped me out and then i found out my mom used to do it and my dad did it as well,so now im trying to look for help in other ppl cuz i cant exactly talk to my mom or family.i talk to my friends but its kinda hard for me,i always have to change the subject cuz i end up feeling as if its my fault he killed himself bcuz i never gave him the time of day.so i end up changing the subject.

so yeah,i dont know how this community thing works but i thought i'd try it out.this is the second community i've joined,so yeah,i guess u can say im finally asking for help....but i think thats all i have to say for an introduction,bye.