Stuffy Noses and Stuck Routines

I’ve been really suffering from hay fever lately. There’s no denying that spring is a beautiful and vibrant season, but the sheer amount of pollen in the air really puts a damper on it. Every time I head outside, I find myself torn between two choices: should I wear a mask to shield myself from the relentless pollen, or just brave it without one?

In the end, I decided to embrace this annoying side effect that spring throws at me and go without a mask. As you can imagine, things get rough once I step back inside. It feels like my nose, throat—honestly, my whole body—gets packed with pollen, and I have to let it all out. The symptoms hit hard: endless sneezing, a runny and stuffy nose, red and watery eyes. All of it makes me feel miserable.

I even stopped taking my online English lessons because I found it tough to pronounce words properly with my nose so congested. When I try to share my thoughts with my tutor, I end up using easier phrases instead of the ones that fit best, just because they’re easier to say. That leaves me feeling a bit disappointed, like I’m falling off track from the routine I made a promise to stick to.

Last night especially hit me. My two kids went to bed earlier than usual, and after I wrapped up all the household chores, I actually had a decent chunk of time for myself. But the physical symptoms were so bad, I couldn’t even bring myself to practice speaking. It felt like I was chained down by this hay fever.

I keep wondering when this will finally come to an end. But deep down, I know hay fever is just one of those natural things that no one can really control. And even though it’s frustrating, it won’t last forever. So I tell myself not to let it take over my life. I want to feel more lighthearted and flexible with my routine.

Sometimes I catch myself doing things just for the sake of ticking off tasks I assigned to myself, rather than following what I truly feel like doing. Sure, completing those tasks makes me feel productive and efficient. But afterward, I’m sometimes left with a strange sense of hollowness—like I did the “right” thing, but not the enjoyable one. It’s as if I wasn’t fully engaged, just chasing a distorted ambition to outshine others.

The truth is, what I really enjoy is sitting on the couch, sipping my favorite coffee, and getting lost in a good book. But in order to chase the goals I set for myself, I end up forcing myself into English conversations that sometimes feel a bit meaningless.

I honestly can’t remember the last time I fully enjoyed my personal time without analyzing whether it was “worth it” or not. I hope I can give myself more freedom—to take detours instead of always marching straight toward the destination I think is the right one.

Maybe hay fever is just nature’s way of telling me to slow down—a reminder to pause and not be so hard on myself. Rather than pushing through everything with a checklist in hand, maybe it’s okay to ease up, listen to my body, and let go a little. Life isn’t only about reaching goals; it’s also about being present. Even in this uncomfortable season, I want to learn to breathe through the struggle, take breaks when I need to, and allow myself to enjoy the little things without guilt.