What I Learned While Drowning in “To-Dos”

“There's that thing I have to do... and this one’s still unfinished...”
Have you ever ended your day with those thoughts spinning in your head?

Work, chores, relationships—when everything feels half-done, you begin to wonder, “What am I even doing?”
I’ve been there myself.

That’s when I came across the concept of Essentialism.
It’s a mindset of “less, but better”—a way of living that helps you focus only on what truly matters.

Today, we’re bombarded with information telling us, “You’ll miss out if you don’t do this.”
That’s why the ability to choose has never been more important.

In this chapter, I’ll explain what Essentialism really means and how it differs from what we unconsciously fall into: Nonessentialist thinking.

What’s the Difference Between Essentialist and Nonessentialist Thinking?

“They say trying to do everything ends up making nothing go well.”
When I first heard that, it hit me hard.

Nonessentialist thinking is the mindset of “I’ll do it all” or “If I do everything, I’ll succeed.”
For example, you might take on every task your boss gives you.
Even if it cuts into your personal time, you can’t bring yourself to say no.

Essentialist thinking, on the other hand, is different.
It’s about identifying what truly matters—and boldly cutting away the rest.

Steve Jobs once said:

Many of us confuse not choosing with being kind or hardworking.
But in reality, we may just be wasting our time and energy.

The key is to be aware that we must choose.
What matters most isn’t how much we do, but whether we’re focusing on what truly means something to us.

You might be thinking, “But everything seems important.”
I felt the same way at first.
That’s why the first step is recognizing what’s pulling you in different directions.

Instead of making a “to-do” list, try creating a “not-to-do” list.
From there, you’ll begin to see what you really want to spend your time on.

Why Do We Fall Into Nonessentialist Thinking?

So why is it that we so often fall into the trap of “doing it all”?

One big reason is that modern society teaches us to.
In school, we’re praised for being good at everything.
In the workplace, multitaskers are rewarded.
So we unconsciously associate being capable with doing it all.

Another reason is the fear of saying no.
“I can’t let them down…” “They might not like me if I say no…”
We push our own priorities aside to meet others’ expectations.

But is it really kindness to lose sight of what matters most, just to please others?

Here’s a quote from former U.S. President Barack Obama:

Nonessentialist thinking might look like hard work on the surface,
but underneath, you may be handing over your life to others.

If you often feel busy but unfulfilled, that could be a sign of nonessentialist thinking.

Start by consciously reclaiming your power to choose.
Just for today, pick one task on your list that you could remove without much trouble.
You’ll likely feel a surprising sense of relief.

And then, invest your time and energy in something you genuinely believe adds meaning to your life.