Celebrity Affairs - Polyamorous Perspectives
Breaking an important promise or betraying someone’s genuine trust in you is bad.
But loving and sharing pleasure are wonderful acts that greatly benefit our mental and physical health. Does it really need to be limited to only one person at a time…?
From this perspective, let’s think a little bit about all the articles and news about cheating or having affairs, that we see and hear every day AND have been lingering for many generations.
Many people believe that monogamy/exclusivity is the only choice they have. But if it’s actually and realistically NOT the only choice, that itself may completely change how a relationship is supposed to be, as well as how we interpret various matters and events happening in our world.
Every time media bring up a famous somebody having issues with the opposite sex, a variety of people come up with a variety of opinions and excuses.
Well, you see even ordinary folks submitting questions to quasi-therapy or counseling whatever about suspecting that their partners are cheating on them, or report how the communication process went after the fact, followed by a variety of comments and pieces of advice.
The problem is that most of those opinions, excuses, comments, and advice are given ONLY FROM MONOGAMOUS PERSPECTIVES
…which is the very reason these kinds of relationship issues exist forever.
Ones by pickup-artist kinds and by relatively serious sex educators are NO exceptions. (Well, you can say that PUA boys thrive on people’s consciousness that monogamy is the only choice they have.)
As I spoke in the beginning, breaking a promise or betraying someone’s trust IS bad, and yet most people misunderstand WHY cheating is a bad thing to do, so let’s make it clear:
It’s NOT about developing intimacy with other women itself - women feel most unforgivable when men make up obvious lies or when words and actions don’t match. (Those guys shouldn’t even be called “men” in my opinion.)
Saying “only you” to one opposite sex but having a physical encounter with another opposite sex (even something temporary or on a commercial basis, like an escort) is a perfect example of words and actions mismatching. Therefore, it violates the other person’s feelings, and people around you make a big deal about it.
“I love you. But sometimes I might also do things with other women/men…”
If you constantly communicate with your partner in such ways, once a boyfriend-girlfriend connection is made outside of your committed partnership, your words and actions are perfectly matching, at least (that doesn’t necessarily mean there is no jealousy and/or other related emotions).
This is what nonmonogamous lifestyle is based on.
Yes, it is definitely not for all adults. But if you just think about the fact that we humans are just like other animals to some degree - a male instinctively seeks contact with multiple females. And not as much as the male counterpart in general, but a female sometimes looks at another male, especially if she isn’t quite satisfied with her existing male partner.
What they say, “The more you restrict, the more they’ll rebel” also applies here.
One thing that separates us from other animals is prioritizing logic and reason in many cases, which is what makes our society function beautifully. In the world where so many attractive women and men exist, however, is it really necessary…or realistic to restrict ourselves from freely celebrating the beauty with more than one person at a time?
So called grownups always talk to youngsters with broken heart like, “Look, they’re a millions of boys/girls. You’ll find THE ONE. Just be patient” or “Date with at least 5 or 6 people before settling down” (the number depends, obviously). Meanwhile, out of vague mediocrity, the same grownups also blindly condemn promiscuity in either sex, mainly by telling girls to avoid men who has slept with many women or stuffs like, “Don’t sell yourself cheap.” So much contradiction in all these statements if put together.
The importance of sexual chemistry (of when two people first met, at least) for ANY intimate relationship is BEYOND LOGIC, rather especially for a deep long-term bond that involves raising children, building a family, and so on.
A relationship at that level, however, cannot be build upon sexual chemistry only - you need to learn how to communicate and practice mutual respect, care, and assistance in so many different areas. Growth by overcoming difficulties and resilience for that growth are also required.
But practicing the utmost mutual respect, care, and assistance with one person DOES NOT equal seeing him or her as the only opposite sex.
If the atmosphere between two people becomes edgy to the point where their home’s existence itself is in jeopardy JUST FOR the fact that one person slept with another opposite sex, it means there has been a bigger problem that needs to be addressed, or simply, the foundation as a couple has been too weak to begin with, as neither of them is matured enough mentally.
In other words, if your ‘partner’ has to leave you PURELY AS A RESULT OF having sex with someone other than you, then you two don’t deserve each other as partners. So why waste each other’s time and energy?
…that’s IF you say the bond between you two are TRULY BEYOND mere chemistry in bed.
In a strictly monogamous relationship, practicing intimacy outside of the relationship DOES EQUAL breaking the agreement, and thus whoever committed the breaking must face the consequences.
Women, however, are NEVER interested in other men if they are totally happy with their boyfriends / husbands - that’s just female instinct. So the moment they ponder semi-deeply about a different man implies some room for improvement in the current relationship.
Unfortunately, in some cases, high amount of uncontrollable jealousy and arrogance can lead to the murder of a spouse/lover, even though the actual ‘sex’ has never happened. Needless to say, they are ruining their own future and causing the victims’ family members to suffer from endless sorrow and hatred for the loss.
Speaking of what is relatively peaceful, while there are a bunch of married guys ACTIVELY SEEKING single women, Yahoo!JAPAN features GARBAGE articles such as “4 characteristics of married women willing to cheat that most likely don’t get found out” every once in a while.
Sex is an exchange of energy - for men, it's foolish to underestimate women's sense of smelling bullshit. Especially if wearing a colonge, once you get physical, the smell and the energy will stick around the other person for a while, even after taking a shower and rinsing your body well.
Including Japan, in some countries, certain activities will be DIRECTLY punished BY LAWS in the name of “infidelity” once they DO get found out. So why spend so much time and energy having to watch out almost every move you make and trying to hide things from your partner? Are you so bored in life or childish that can’t live without thrill of doing what you know is a bad idea? If you don’t wanna deal with the shit, why not just be open and free?
Some people may argue that it’s not easy for public figures to openly practice polyamory due to their popularity, expectation by others etc. Well, maybe they should learn a thing or two from a retired NBA player.
Here’s the bottom line: if you wanna have sex, do it. If you wanna have more than one intimate relationship with the opposite sex, go ahead and make it happen.
There is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG with you AS LONG AS you make enough effort on a regular basis to make sure that each partner’s needs and expectations are met.
BECAUSE they rather choose to be sneaky, BECAUSE they betray trust and expectations, a ridiculous amount of consolation fee applies. Crimes that will end in tragedy are committed. Celebrities lose their jobs and all the sponsor deals.
Speaking of so called celebrities, the world around Japanese TV personalities is also full of contradiction - they attempt so damn hard to maintain innocence and purity on surface; in reality, while stuffs like casting couch has turned into a habit for generations.
Masahiro Nakai’s scandal is also coaxing out rumors such as “Several brothels in Nagoya actually prohibited Nakai from visiting them many years ago, due to the records of his ‘critical misbehaviors.’”
(A client and an escort are a male and a female after all. Guys refused by a woman’s gut feeling is out of question. Polyamory is NOT for a selfish lover or one who makes zero effort to properly treat and please a partner in bed.)
For men, if you're unable to please your primary partner, how the hell can you please another woman? A true sense of maturity and capacity is required here.
Guilt and shame are NEVER a good start or motivation for anything, and suppressing yourself from doing what you really want most likely leads to tragedy and misery.
This is apparently what drives some people to explore an option where it’s OK to say, “I love this person over here, and I love that person over there” or “I wanna do it with that person, as much as I wanna do it with this person.”
If more and more people recognize this option as A NORM, how all parties directly involved in a relationship connect each other, as well as general expectations and reactions by people around them, can be changed into something much healthier, more positive and realistic.
Polyamory/nonmonogamy may require its own ways of communication and managing STD risks that do not necessarily apply to a monogamous relationship, also depending on their personalities and boundaries. You just have to be aware of those.
I can say a lot more if I choose so, as much as there are so many articles/episodes by others that I’d like to mention to make my point. But for now, let me conclude this article by grabbing your attention to the existence of PolyAcademy series on my YouTube channel, especially if you are losing some sleep due to frustration regarding relationship issues of these kinds and don’t know what to do.
For Your Pleasure
