Tantalizing Touch - HANDS that Turn Women On So Much

In Japanese, being good at something is called 上手 (“jozu”), and the antonym is 下手 (“heta”). The words can also be pronounced “kamite” and “shimote” or “uwate” and “shitate” as stage/acting terms.

What I want to point out here is…if you look at the kanji spelling, they literally mean “upper hand” and “lower hand” - the fact that the word “HAND” apparently contains the meaning "skill or proficiency in all things" might be telling how crucial HANDS are to every aspect of our lives.

…And of course, to our sex lives too.

We all know that women test compatibility through kissing - they instinctively lead a man who is a good kisser to a further, deeper place of connection. The importance of kissing, as a fundamental part of sex education and the exploration of intimacy, can never be emphasized enough.

In most cases, however, you just can't expect to meet someone for the first time and immediately put your lips together without an icebreaker or building any rapport (by having a small chat or something…at least).

As a step before kissing (as well as during kissing), the key is to use your HANDS properly and skillfully.

There are times and places where just a few minutes of initial interaction can create enough connection and chemistry between two people, that kissing feels quite natural - if it happens to be so without forcing or rushing, that’s fine.

And yet some amount of LIGHT PHYSICAL CONTACT, such as gently caressing a woman's cheek/hair or placing a hand on her shoulder/knee (women also use these signals of light touches to imply interest in men), will make the later interaction so much more EFFECTIVE and PLEASURABLE for BOTH parties. So why skip this process?

Not much to brag, but women have honored me with quite a lot of positive feedback about the feel of my hands. And how they describe my touch is very…interesting to me:

The best compliment that I've received comes from my primary. Even after more than five years of being together, she still says this to me often:

It's a bit unexpected to hear "smooth" since I don't use anything like hand cream on a regular basis. But when some of the women say, "it makes me sleepy," that feeling might be related to women being able to turn off their brains when they sense safety and security, which was mentioned in the video "To Japanese Men Who LOVE Foreign Women" (there is also a corresponding article in Japanese).

To me, personally, it's merely a byproduct of comprehensive research and practice into sex that truly feels good for women while remaining faithful to the fundamentals of sex education.

This time, I would like to delve a bit deeper into the HANDS OF AROUSAL - to which I myself haven't given much conscious thought because…I have just been doing it naturally for many years.

Especially if you're a man that wants to get closer to a woman, but you're not so sure on how to touch and please her (or worse, worried that she might dislike you), this one is definitely for you.

Before You Even Touch…

Be aware that some girls are more conservative or vigilant than others when it comes to being touched by men in general.

Many girls will tell you, "Before even good or bad in bed, if I don't like the guy, I don't sleep with him in the first place…"

Likewise, you can study all the physical techniques on how to make women feel great by caressing, rubbing, or patting them, but they'll probably feel hesitant to even shake hands with someone who doesn't inspire them to be vulnerable or any feelings of attraction in them.

However, there's a good chance that the good first impression can make someone at least opened up to be…slightly touched depending on the context, if not completely turning "I dislike him" into "I like him." CLEANLINESS and GOOD FOCUS is huge here.

Nobody wants to be touched by dirty hands or nails that are too sharp. So please DO keep your hands and nails clean and groomed.

Just in case you're expected to do fingering during foreplay, consider taking a moment to use a nail file beforehand. This makes the tips of your nail/fingers so much smoother, less likely to injure your partner's vaginal wall.

What I mean by GOOD FOCUS is to appear centered and grounded, to face others with a positive aura, also influenced by the postures you usually take (in sitting, standing, and walking).

For example, let's say you're sitting next to a woman, and you gently place your hand on her lap as a sign of affection (or as a sign that you're into her):

1. with your chest out, shoulders down, and neck straight, or…
2. with your back and shoulders bent and whole body leaning forward

Even though the touch itself may look exactly the same if you just pay attention to the hand, the impression you make and the woman's reaction will be totally different depending on the status of your body's core…which should be easy to imagine.

That's what makes the difference between her feeling comfortable having your hand on her lap or "Bro's creeping up on my ass" (INVITING her to the space you own vs INVADING her personal space).

From a medical perspective as well, a hunched back / rounded shoulders can cause a variety of physical conditions such as shoulder stiffness, back pain, headache, and organ dysfunction. As one's health is directly linked to masculinity, it's a part of female instinct to feel good when touched by a 'healthy' man.

To summarize, be well-groomed, pay attention to your posture (as well as her 'signals'), and work on the ABILITY TO BE IN THE MOMENT that you get to enjoy with the opposite sex, while remaining relaxed and not so outcome dependent.

Hands Don't Lie

Sex for sure is an exchange of energy, and the quality of energy depends on each person.

In other words, "enjoying sex" pretty much means "feeling comfortable with the other person's energy," but even just by holding hands, we humans are unconsciously exchanging energy (the act of holding hands itself is a part of "foreplay" or "sex").

And hands reflect the person's true nature VERY WELL.

I often hear women in the adult industry, both in and out of Japan, confess,  "At first, he (my client) had such a soft voice and gentle manner and all, but once we started our 'activity' his every move was so forceful and rough…"

Even if not at all in any sort of sexually intimate relationship, whoever work with their hands (i.e. therapists) are easily exposed to the energy of the people they touch, good or bad. And the same goes for the customers they serve.

One of the girls I'm intimate with said to me the other day:

Taking all of the above into consideration, you can say, "hands that turn women on" = "hands of someone with peace of mind and true kindness."

While that's true, one's personality isn't something that can be improved overnight. No matter how hard he tries to cover it up using other methods of communication, the hands of a guy who is selfish in bed or unable to maintain a healthy relationship will contain roughness and immaturity.

However, there may also be some men who are impatient, clumsy, or too insensitive (or with few flaws in their temperament when it comes to sex or intimacy) but are 'good at heart' and sincerely wishing to please women, as opposed to boys that 'just don't give a fuck.'

My advice to such men would be to NOT blindly believe the typical AV/porn nonsense (which is all about 'hard and fast') but to remember that SLOW AND GENTLE TOUCH is what REALLY turns women on in general, whether in public or in bed.

And, whatever your 'intention' may be (assuming that it's a good one), put it into your hands that touch a woman.

That whom you're interested in may not necessarily be ready to accept the 'intention' of yours, and you might even be rejected. But as a man, you should not run away from the fear or anxiety and not take any action.

Don't forget that women have a keen instinct for picking up guy's bullshit - if there is no point in hiding, then you might as well be 100% honest.

Your courage, boldness, and sincerity are sure to reside in your HANDS as well. After all, it's the woman's gain or loss - whether to enjoy the privilege of being in good hands, or to miss out on a precious opportunity. That's just the mindset of a true masculine man.

Prefect Pressure for Shaking Hands

According to Miyuki Kijima, a marriage counselor, one of the things a woman should take note of when choosing a man to spend the rest of her life with is "how a handshake feels" - the summary of her statement is quite simple yet accurate:

In my experience, some American and outgoing Japanese men, even when greeting in the first place, tend to shake hands more forcefully than necessary. A hand that is abundant in vigor and boldness but lacking sensitivity and mindfulness is associated with pain during sex in women's mind, which will only create a source of anxiety for them.

In many aspects, women are STARVING for men who know how to take charge; if, like me, you can put your hands on women without saying anything in particular and make them all happy or excited…then it would be most ideal.

Nevertheless, some girls might demand slightly stronger/weaker pressure than others. As a part of the basic sex education, I'm well aware that every girl is different when it comes to what she likes/dislikes.

If you're not quite sure what amount of pressure is 'just right'…just ask the woman on the spot, "Does it hurt? Or do you want me to rather squeeze tighter?" As I said earlier, it's important to stay relaxed and enjoy the moment without getting too serious.

It's simply IMPOSSIBLE for any woman to NOT be fascinated by a man's hands with feminine flexibility and masculine might well balanced and combined.

How My Hobbies (and Being a Therapist) Refined My Hands

A big part of my ability to use hands to make women feel comfortable and aroused might have been cultivated through basketball and piano, two things that I've been playing since junior high school - and getting certified as a therapist took it to an even higher level.

It's interesting to see how basketball and piano share similarities.

Of course it's important to strengthen the muscles in your fingers and shoulders and increase physical stability in order to perform at your best. Meanwhile, just as you cannot dribble or handle the ball effectively by simply smacking it, pressing your fingers down on the keys with brute force will not create beautiful melodies that captivate those who listen.

To become "jozu" at either one, you need to pay attention to all kinds of small details and master the secret of DELICATE STRENGTH, which is a challenging but fun part of the journey.

The body posture mentioned earlier in this article also becomes thoroughly trained by playing basketball and piano. With your back hunched or shoulders rounded, it's difficult to see what's around you. Narrowing your vision means your core and limbs are not aligned, so the power transfers to your fingertips inefficiently, resulting in poor performances.

You can see how my personal hobbies turned out to be beneficial to my sex life as my hands/fingers optimized to deal with the ball, keys, and women's bodies, but the story doesn't end here.

…

Living in the U.S. about a decade ago, I used to study and practice many things on my own with the desire to acquire the ability to give women the best orgasm they've ever had. One of the things I did was learning how to give full-body oil massage.

At that time, however, it was nothing more than going over Steve P's White Tiger Tantra and taking notes while watching the DVDs. After returning to Japan, the urge to learn oil massage more in depth was gradually growing in me year by year.

A few years before the pandemic, I used to go meet a girl at a Kaishun massage parlor (a form of adult business; as Kaishun means "rejuvenation") about once every six months or so. There she introduced me to the Oriental Lymphatic Drainage certification, which she said had significantly improved her skills as a therapist since she obtained it.

In fact, her oil massage was indeed ARTISTIC - besides the groin massage and the 'rejuvenation' part, it was full of new discoveries every time. Confident that women would LOVE to receive it too (even more than men would), I decided to take the same certification course myself, also asking her to let me borrow her nakedness for practicing the strokes.

My hands were apparently a bit too reserved in the beginning:

"Boy, your pressure is too weak! There's no point in doing THAT soft"
"Come on man! I don't feel anything but just a little…ticklish"
"It's ok, just press it harder and see what happens, as if pulling the skin and bones apart. I can always let you know if it hurts"

Maybe I was too used to the idea of "touch as softly as if handling something fragile" as the golden principle of foreplay, which doesn't necessarily apply to full-body oil massage (not directly related to sex), although it depends on the body part.

On the side note, she was kind enough to share with me some of the 'secret manual' which was another part of her toolbox as a therapist. Still today, it's so useful that I incorporate it when working with women's bodies. We would also exchange a variety of opinions as holders of the same aromatherapy qualification.

The certification course of Oriental Lymphatic Drainage was basically all online, and yet there were also some skill training camps offered by the supervisor Ms.Urushizaki in person. I remember her telling me with exclamation marks, "Make sure you PRESS THE ENTIRE PALM of your hand more firmly against the other person's skin."

"Light stroking with only the fingertips digging into the skin most likely feels 'creepy' or 'pervy' especially since you're a male. Let's say you actually get to work at a salon, but once you give that kind of impression to a female customer, it's over. As a therapist, you don't wanna get a bad reputation…"

And then I realized that this was due to the habits I had developed over the years.

In basketball, you do the exact opposite: control the ball with your fingers wide apart, without your palm in contact with the ball for the most part. In piano, too, you almost never touch the keys with anything other than your fingertips.

So to be able to perform the correct technique for a therapist - bringing the entire hand (including the palm) into contact with the other person's skin while applying oil (hand flat, fingers together if needed) - I had to consciously forget some of my second nature and practice the technique repeatedly. It was a valuable learning opportunity for me.

Now I look back and say with pride that my current hands don't exist without those women not going easy on me as instructors.

I believe that the lessons you learn or things you realize through any sport, hobby, or mastery will be helpful to your sex life in some ways, no matter how much passion and intensity you pour into it. Just saying that for me, it was basketball and piano (and crazy drive to please women eventually).

Regardless, learning a little bit of non-sexual massage is a PREREQUISITE for ALL HUMANS who are sexually active, if not investing several hundred dollars for a three-month course and extensively studying the channels/acupuncture points like I did.

Getting used to the physical presence of the opposite sexes, appreciating the opportunity to share the warmth and intention to take care of each other, moving on to foreplay naturally…you're gonna learn A LOT MORE than just a massage by doing so.

Connection between Hand and Heart

We mentioned how your body posture affects your hands, figuring out the right amount of pressure, and the usefulness of learning non-sexual massage, along with a variety of other topics.

When it comes to the idea that a person's hands reflect his personality, hands that make women feel great can be defined as hands of a man with true strength and kindness. To delve even deeper, it implies that these 'strength' and 'kindness' may also be rooted in bitter experiences that the person has been through in the past.

…

What is it about my hands that make so many women feel so safe and sexually stimulated…? To be honest, at first I was unsure which categories or genres this article should belong to, and whether I'd be able to accurately analyze and verbalize everything.

Something like how my genetics could influence the feel of my skin is way out of my expertise, so I'd rather stay away from it along with some of the abstract concepts.

Thanks to several women sharing their thoughts and perspectives, I managed to comply my own.

Hope you'll find some of this information useful in your sex life and in your personal life.

Stiff shoulders and the "Connection between Hand and Heart" are also explained in this episode, based on what I've learned from acupuncturists through Oriental Lymphatic Drainage and other anatomical therapy workshops (one with an unusual amount of views and likes for an earliest 'rough' video out of my platforms):

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