Whose Illness Is It? ## How I Came to Believe That I Must Carry My Illness Myself Wednesday, July 8, 2026 (Reiwa 8)

Today, after reading a message on LINE, I found myself remembering something I had kept deep inside my heart for many years.

"It’s so hard."

"Please pray for us."

When I read those words, I couldn't reply right away.

It wasn't because I disliked the person.

Nor was it because I doubted their suffering.

It was because I have come to see illness in a very different way.

When I was twenty-nine years old and in the final weeks of pregnancy, I developed facial paralysis.

For a young woman, having my face become distorted was devastating.

I didn't want to see anyone.

I didn't want anyone to know.

People told me, "You'll be all right."

But I wasn't.

Even my husband could not fully understand how deeply I was suffering.

It was during that time that I slowly began to realize something.

The pain of illness cannot truly be explained to another person.

And in the end, when illness becomes part of your life, it is something you must learn to carry yourself.

As the years passed, I faced illness again and again.

Stomach ulcers.

Stomach cancer.

Surgery.

There were times when I even lost my voice.

More than once, I asked myself, "Why me?"

Yet after living through so much pain, I gradually came to another realization.

No one can live your life for you.

No one can carry your illness, your suffering, or even your death in your place.

That is why I decided to do everything I could to protect my own health.

I have a complete medical checkup every year.

I pay close attention to changes in my body.

Of course, illness can still happen.

No matter how careful we are, not everything can be prevented.

But I believe that I should do everything that is within my own power.

That became my way of living.

Because of this, I also began thinking about the end of my life many years ago.

I wanted to leave as little burden as possible for my children.

I wanted to spend my final years in a place where I could live with dignity and peace.

Those thoughts led me to move into Matsuyama Eden no Sono.

Of course, life never goes exactly as planned.

I fractured my shoulder.

Unexpected things will continue to happen.

Even so, I want to accept both my life and my death as my own.

This is not a belief I wish to impose on anyone else.

Each person suffers differently.

Each person finds their own way to live.

Some people find strength through the support and prayers of others.

I respect that.

As for me, after many years of suffering, I arrived at a different answer.

I came to believe that I must carry my own illness.

I do not know whether this way of thinking is right.

I only know that it has sustained me and given me the strength to keep living.

Illness has taken many things away from me.

Yet at the same time, it has given me the opportunity to think more deeply than ever before about how I want to live—and how I hope to face death.

Looking back now, that is something for which I can finally feel a quiet sense of gratitude.

#LivingWithIllness  
#FacialParalysis  
#StomachCancer  
#MedicalCheckup  
#WayOfLife  
#LifeAndDeath  
#Longevity  
#MatsuyamaEdenNoSono  
#LifelongLearning  
#ChallengeTowardTheFuture