Prayer of lost of Husband to Be
I did a search for 'death' a brief few moments ago, and came upon this community.
So, Blessed Greetings to you all.
I am known as Morrigan Raven; Raven for short. My Soulmate and I are both Druids, and he affirmed years ago that I AM the Morrigu in physical being.
Well, I ask for the greatest strength of prayer from you all, as I lost my best friend, my reason for breathing .... on the 11th of September of this year, at 6:45am. He fatally shot himself with his father's .45, having placed the gun in his mouth, and pulled the trigger.
He was over 250 miles from me ... no note left, or nothing. He was sitting in the passenger seat of our zinc yellow 2003 pony package Mustang, completely alone. His parents were in the hospital, preparing his mother to have the 15th ECT of this year ... alone. (She has since been given two more electro-shock treatments.)
He was the victim of both parents sexually abusing him, dealing with a life long battle of PTSD, bipolarism, possible development of schizophrenia, general confusion and anger ... fear he would become a child molester like his father is .... all while trying his very hardest to have a normal relationship with me; his father's ex-wife's great niece. We were together all five years to the date of introduction at our college, and he swears we played together as little children.
He had just earned his associate's degree in Computer Information Systems this past May ... the proudest day of my life FOR him ... but even then, he could not hold his head up proudly.
Now his brother, whom is my second cousin, is taking advantage to sexually approach me, and such. He and Chris' parents (they have the same evil demon of a father) act as if Christopher never existed ... Shoving all his material possessions in a closet, and moved his brother in the one of two of our bedrooms.
I am battling the desire to join Christopher in Paradise, as noone blames him for his decision ... however, I am battling this desire without medication, doctors, being in a hospital of sorts ...
My parents a little over a week after his passing, told me I was relieved of their employment of me at their place of business here in town.
I live with them, mind you ... so it is quite a bit awkward.
I was NOT permitted to go to Christopher's ACTUAL memorial service ... (He had let no one know but me what his final wishes were, should something happen to him .. I had to shove it in his brother's face, and cremation probably made their cheap excuse of a father VERY happy ....) His wishes to be separated ... half in the Flint River, as this is where he and I spent our teens and adulthood around ... half in the St. John's River ... which was literally his childhood home's backyard ... and a small part for me to wear in a necklace around my throat. was NOT carried out. I do not yet know if his ashes were at least ALL put in the Flint .... I do not want to bring myself to ask that question ...
Sorry for rambling, guys ... But, with knowing he only looked like he had a nosebleed, and not getting to see him one last time ... secrets, accusations ... I do not have proper closure, and I doubt I ever will .....
Goddess Bless, and keep you ALL.
So, Blessed Greetings to you all.
I am known as Morrigan Raven; Raven for short. My Soulmate and I are both Druids, and he affirmed years ago that I AM the Morrigu in physical being.
Well, I ask for the greatest strength of prayer from you all, as I lost my best friend, my reason for breathing .... on the 11th of September of this year, at 6:45am. He fatally shot himself with his father's .45, having placed the gun in his mouth, and pulled the trigger.
He was over 250 miles from me ... no note left, or nothing. He was sitting in the passenger seat of our zinc yellow 2003 pony package Mustang, completely alone. His parents were in the hospital, preparing his mother to have the 15th ECT of this year ... alone. (She has since been given two more electro-shock treatments.)
He was the victim of both parents sexually abusing him, dealing with a life long battle of PTSD, bipolarism, possible development of schizophrenia, general confusion and anger ... fear he would become a child molester like his father is .... all while trying his very hardest to have a normal relationship with me; his father's ex-wife's great niece. We were together all five years to the date of introduction at our college, and he swears we played together as little children.
He had just earned his associate's degree in Computer Information Systems this past May ... the proudest day of my life FOR him ... but even then, he could not hold his head up proudly.
Now his brother, whom is my second cousin, is taking advantage to sexually approach me, and such. He and Chris' parents (they have the same evil demon of a father) act as if Christopher never existed ... Shoving all his material possessions in a closet, and moved his brother in the one of two of our bedrooms.
I am battling the desire to join Christopher in Paradise, as noone blames him for his decision ... however, I am battling this desire without medication, doctors, being in a hospital of sorts ...
My parents a little over a week after his passing, told me I was relieved of their employment of me at their place of business here in town.
I live with them, mind you ... so it is quite a bit awkward.
I was NOT permitted to go to Christopher's ACTUAL memorial service ... (He had let no one know but me what his final wishes were, should something happen to him .. I had to shove it in his brother's face, and cremation probably made their cheap excuse of a father VERY happy ....) His wishes to be separated ... half in the Flint River, as this is where he and I spent our teens and adulthood around ... half in the St. John's River ... which was literally his childhood home's backyard ... and a small part for me to wear in a necklace around my throat. was NOT carried out. I do not yet know if his ashes were at least ALL put in the Flint .... I do not want to bring myself to ask that question ...
Sorry for rambling, guys ... But, with knowing he only looked like he had a nosebleed, and not getting to see him one last time ... secrets, accusations ... I do not have proper closure, and I doubt I ever will .....
Goddess Bless, and keep you ALL.
