How to throw your vote away
"So," you may have asked yourself, "are there any entertaining third-party candidates I could vote for in the U.S. presidential elections this November?"
Never fear! I have studiously combed through, uh, this Wikipedia article, and some party websites, to bring you a list of some other people you could potentially vote for, if they can get on the ballot in your state. You're welcome.
Your choices on the spectrum are the Crazy Right, the Crazy Left, and the Libertarians, who apparently reject the idea of the spectrum entirely. Um, okay.
On the Crazy Right, you can vote for the Constitution Party. My brother is actually a member, because he thought he was registering as "independent" but in fact was registering in the "American Independent Party," their name in California. Whoops. I personally am sad that the guy who wants to be called "Mad Max" didn't win the nomination.
You can also vote for the Prohibition Party! Did you know we still had one of those? I didn't! If you liked the 18th amendment, that was them. Apparently they've been around since 1869.
On the Crazy Left, the Greens (who, okay, aren't that crazy) haven't got a candidate yet, but they probably will soon enough. You also have three choices for socialists. Should you wish to vote your race and/or gender, the Party for Socialism and Liberation is running a Hispanic woman and the Socialist Party USA is running a white guy. I would not recommend the Socialist Workers Party, as their candidate is a resident alien, and thus cannot ever actually serve as president. I'm not really sure what's going on with that.
You've also got some independents. Of course Ralph Nader's running. You can vote for a fascist, a National Socialist (slogan: "the white people's candidate"), an artist, a wrestler, and presumably a bunch of other people who would also like you to write their name in.
There you go. Mostly I am amazed that non-citizens are running for president, and also that the Prohibition Party still exists.
Never fear! I have studiously combed through, uh, this Wikipedia article, and some party websites, to bring you a list of some other people you could potentially vote for, if they can get on the ballot in your state. You're welcome.
Your choices on the spectrum are the Crazy Right, the Crazy Left, and the Libertarians, who apparently reject the idea of the spectrum entirely. Um, okay.
On the Crazy Right, you can vote for the Constitution Party. My brother is actually a member, because he thought he was registering as "independent" but in fact was registering in the "American Independent Party," their name in California. Whoops. I personally am sad that the guy who wants to be called "Mad Max" didn't win the nomination.
You can also vote for the Prohibition Party! Did you know we still had one of those? I didn't! If you liked the 18th amendment, that was them. Apparently they've been around since 1869.
On the Crazy Left, the Greens (who, okay, aren't that crazy) haven't got a candidate yet, but they probably will soon enough. You also have three choices for socialists. Should you wish to vote your race and/or gender, the Party for Socialism and Liberation is running a Hispanic woman and the Socialist Party USA is running a white guy. I would not recommend the Socialist Workers Party, as their candidate is a resident alien, and thus cannot ever actually serve as president. I'm not really sure what's going on with that.
You've also got some independents. Of course Ralph Nader's running. You can vote for a fascist, a National Socialist (slogan: "the white people's candidate"), an artist, a wrestler, and presumably a bunch of other people who would also like you to write their name in.
There you go. Mostly I am amazed that non-citizens are running for president, and also that the Prohibition Party still exists.
