Recent reviews by jacob

Uh oh! I think I enjoyed my time with Battle for Savitar! How can that be? It's an expansion of Kreed, an infamous slavjank shooter that suffered critical lashings due to its incomprehensible story, less-than-stellar gunplay, awkward pacing, and — the big one — the superficially complex and meandering level design that forked off into billions of pathways, 90% of which were dead ends. Does the expansion learn from these mistakes, or do they double down? Here's the spoiler, they learned.

Battle for Savitar is a sub 2 hour ordeal that doesn't throw you straight into the deep end of the galactic space war out of the gate, but instead eases you into its world (at least for about 5 minutes), gradually introduces new and improved weaponry, and greatly lessens the backtracking. There's still some backtracking (though not nearly as egregious), there's definitely still a labyrinthine structure to some of the levels (there's a vent maze here that's arguably worse than any from the base game), and there's still quite a bit of narrative incoherence. You also can't really see anything when you get shot because the screen becomes obnoxiously red and blurry. BUT, they've implemented some much needed QoL features missing from the original — highlights around interactable objects and item pick-ups, a 3D map so you don't get lost (even if it's... not great), and a helpful description page that pops up everytime you pick up something new. And it seems the developers took their time to make sure the levels flow (decently) well, and that you can tell where you can and can't go. I did not find myself getting lost once, which I can not say the same about base Kreed. The Steam release comes with a fan translation patch that includes genuine voice acting from some members of the Kreed community (which I guess exists?) — unfortunately it's not just one guy's voice being pitched-up and down while he belts out "QUIT WINNING!".

Kinda ♥♥♥♥♥ the bed in the final level, where after fighting through military bases, ship interiors, and abandoned mines in a pretty well-connected and coherent level structure, all you're left to do is defend three sectors of a spaceship from waves of enemy Tiglaary. There's no real strategy here, just wait for them to spawn from the same two holes and then shoot them. It's brutally easy and honestly kinda boring, but at least it didn't make me want to rip my hair out. And then it ends — not with a whimper, not with a bang, but a secret third thing.

I think it's also worth mentioning that the protagonist from uberjank supreme Operation: Matriarchy, Paul Armstrong, has the same name as the character we play here. Coincidence, or something more? I'm sure Burut CT and MADia have some employee crossover. I noted their level design similarities in my Kreed review, but knowing that they might be set in the same universe — I don't know man I'm smiling, I like this kind of ♥♥♥♥, and the timeline works out — Battle for Savitar ends in 2269 with some ships coming out of wormhole(?), Matriarchy takes place in 2350 when Armstrong awakes from a cryogenic freeze, and then Kreed jumps well into the future into 2944 — so it'd be real cool if they were apart of a franchise. I mean I think it's cool. I might be the only person who thinks it's cool. Guess this also means that Kreed takes place in the same universe as the Matriarchy dev's flight sim, Echelon. I don't know. I think I'm just saying ♥♥♥♥ at this point.

If you've ever wanted to play Kreed, firstly, why? Secondly, skip it and go to Battle for Savitar. It's much nicer on the brain. You won't want to kill yourself by the end, and I think that's an aspect that should be rewarded.

I love narrative-focused sci-fi shooters that emphasise big set-pieces and tight combat encounters in controlled environments just like any good samaritan. Whether it be the tentpole releases like Half-Life or Halo, the ones that flew under the radar like Prey or TimeShift, or the ones that fell by the wayside due to either a limited release, a small budget, having been ripped to shreds by critics, or a combination of all three like Gene Troopers, You Are Empty, or Rat Hunter — what I'm trying to say is I can stomach most anything the FPS genre throws my way, and can overlook potential transgressions if the game gives me something solid to chew on.

I'm an avowed jankmeister — one look at my profile and you'll see that I've subjected myself to an overwhelming amount of FPS slop primarily released during the dark ages, the 2000s — but even I have my limits. Kreed may just be my limit. There are far worse shooters out there from this same time period — They're Alive!, Steam Slug, and Patriot: DemocratiZation just to name a few — but there are seldom few video games that aim to antagonise the player THIS much. The aforementioned dregs combined would take me less time to beat than it did to finish this piece of ♥♥♥♥, and it's only 6 ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ hours long! Unfortunately it felt like it was closer to 40, and I think it has something to do with the fact that while each level is conceptually different, every ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ room is the exact same. Each new room is a carbon copy of the last one you were in. And the levels can be gargantuan, and these rooms can lead to rooms that can lead to rooms that go nowhere, so there's a whole load of backtracking to be done.

If you're a diehard jacob-head, you might recognise that these criticisms I'm lobbing are the exact same adulations I gave Operation: Matriarchy — monumentous level design that feels alien, as if the player has literally been transported to another world not meant for us humans and made to run amok among the unnatural architecture and layout. I like Matriarchy more than probably anyone else — one because I'm a sick ♥♥♥♥, and two because I'm a sick ♥♥♥♥ — but I'll tell you this right now that Kreed is technically the better game. It's got the superior gunplay, music and sound design, actual cutscenes, and just generally looks better. It doesn't have Matriarchy's sickness inducing character and world design, but it gets pretty close in the back half.

So why does Kreed falter where Operation: Matriarchy succeeds? IT'S THE ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ ROOMS, THEY ALL LOOK THE EXACT SAME. The developers have never heard of "signposting", nor have they ever heard of "playtesting", so traversing the world of Kreed becomes a nightmare where if you take one wrong turn you're gonna be lost for like 5 minutes trying to figure out how to backtrack to the "hub" room. Don't even get me started on the "running" speed. The final 2 levels might be the most egregious case of padding I've seen in a long while. The penultimate level has you making your way through a labyrinthine canyon with many different paths that — you guessed it — look the exact same. You get to this cathedral(?) in the canyon, watch a hologram monologue, then backtrack to the beginning of the level to get to a portal that has now opened, all while the yellow floating orb creatures you've been shooting the last 20 minutes respawn and royally ♥♥♥♥ You again. Then the big finale has you running through an orb-filled cave in what might genuinely be the worst level design in all of video games history. If you thought the repetitive rooms of Kreed was bad before, wait 'til you see this ♥♥♥♥.

It hurts, it just hurts. I'm still a sick ♥♥♥♥ and will most definitely be playing the expansion pack (which I've been told is an improvement on all fronts for the Kreed franchise), but I simply can't recommend this to anyone. If you can't stomach slavjank, what the hell are you doing here? And if you can stomach it, you should steer clear anyway. There's so many better choices if you're looking for a jank re-up. This is not one of those choices.

Maybe doesn't approach the extreme edge of infamous horror title Agony, but Goreagulation gets by pretty well with its blood-soaked aesthetic, obsession with gore, and self-serious writing. These elements, if drawn out, can be obnoxious, but because this game barely takes an hour to complete, they actually make the experience much more entertaining. I know I'm only gonna be here for like 50 minutes, so why not revel in the edge of it all. It's good to engage in some grimdark edge. And I can get to kill the Combi- no, sorry, the GOREBINE? Well hot damn!

Lenrual is a surrealist first-person exploration adventure game that throws you into an odd city where you interact with even odder characters — green ghostly apparitions of differing proportions who communicate via grid puzzles — and are left wandering the streets with nothing but your wits. It's up to you to walk around, interact, and figure out what this world is about. There's nary a hand holding you here.

This is a game with a rich atmosphere and an ever richer story that I can't even begin to decipher. From what I could gather from what developer Jonathan Guite has posted online, a lot of the visuals and symbolism of Lenrual seem to be outwardly based on his Mizoram heritage, with references to the culture and its people in the design of the world. It's a visually striking experience no less, with a minimalist low-poly aesthetic that feels reminiscent of the works of Thatgamecompany. I'm getting mad Journey vibes from the character design alone, but the wordless narrative seems indebted to the studio's work aswell.

Lenrual sits comfortably within a subset of indie video games I love: ones where you walk around a city and hang out and talk to intriguing characters and sometimes there's puzzles. Between this, BABBDI, Hyperbolica and upcoming titles Bernband and Fragmented City, this niche genre is experiencing quite a renaissance.

It's a near-otherworldly experience that is brought down purely by the fact that I don't really know what happened during my playthrough. Even after beating it I'm left a little confounded on what this all meant. It might genuinely be too surrealist for my taste. There was a moment where after I befriended a bunch of the green ghostly apparitions the game turned into Katamari Damacy, but instead of rolling a ball through a room collecting junk, you manoeuvre through the streets collecting MORE green ghostly apparitions until you've become a swarm. It was an "oh what the ♥♥♥♥ this is sick" type of moment, but I don't know what the ♥♥♥♥ I was doing or what any of it really meant.

Ultimately, Lenrual is worth your time if you like games that look cool, refuse to tell you anything, and take an hour to beat.

Blackly comical CYOA visual novel with some vibrantly crusty MSPaint-esque artwork, rife with engaging writing, neo-noir plottings, and fun setpieces. You either find your way home, or you don't.

Video games — more than any other medium — have the capacity to really make the audience feel like they're actually there, living among the wires, the pipes, the concrete walls, the waterfalls, the mycelium, what have you. This is what we call atmosphere, and my GOD does Hypogea got atmosphere. This is a cold, desolate adventure game about a sentient automaton traversing a long forgotten megastructure seemingly inside an old mining facility, and with our trusty hooked staff handed to us by another automaton, we parkour our way through the facility — climbing, swinging, vaulting, sliding, you name it. And damn oh damn oh damn is it a blast. Smooth controls, crusty PSX low-poly visuals, gargantuan scale, and don't forget atmosphere, Hypogea is a lovely adventure game that's got it all, and while it doesn't overstay its welcome it also easily could have been 2 hours longer. If you like your structures mega and your atmosphere freezing and isolated, do yourself a favour and board the Hypogea hype train.

Out of the thirteen games in the ULTIMATE SLAVJANK COLLECTION that have been put on storefronts recently, I've played eleven of them, completed eight, and can wholeheartedly recommend only one. Can you guess which one? That's right! It's Pirate Hunter! If you can stomach jank, this is some of the best on offer. Make sure to open the config file and turn off autoaim for the true Pirate Hunter experience. Should I say more? Probably. Will I? No.

From the crew that brought you Operation Matriarchy, one of my guilty pleasures, comes Patriot: DemocratiZation, the only other FPS they ever did... and it's something! No wait, actually it's nothing! This is an absolutely nothing game. Operation Matriarchy was a beautifully disgusting Giger-esque visual experience stuck inside an awfully mediocre first-person shooter that had just enough charm and weird sicko ♥♥♥♥ going on that I felt compelled to keep going despite it's lacklustre gameplay. Patriot: DemocratiZation is a bland and ugly visual experience stuck inside a boring and monotonous first-person shooter that pissed me off with just how little it does with the medium, especially considering what the developers had previously done.

All the hallmarks of a MADia FPS are here — parts of the story/cool tidbits are disseminated through loading screens, gunplay and enemy reaction feels non-existent, you float through the air when you walk down stairs or off a ledge — and it's an absolute doozy. There's some plot here involving the US invading Russia with our beloved protagonist tasked with taking on the American Invaders to stop them from getting Russia's precious oil... I think? There are cutscenes but they're all in Russian without any subtitles so I'm stuck just guessing what these greasy 3D models are yapping about. It's Russian propaganda but hey whatever who cares?

If you run in the same circles as I do (i.e. you like to play ♥♥♥♥♥♥ FPS games from the 2000s) then you probably know that even the worst of the worst games have their defenders, but this... I don't know. It's got some positive reviews on Steam but man I really don't understand how anyone could defend this. Thankfully it took me 75 minutes to beat so it's not a huge investment. Play Operation Matriarchy first, then if you crave more of what this studio has to offer play wit ya balls or sumn.

I like to think I'm more lenient on slavjank than most, but this is quite possibly one of the worst things in existence. Thank ♥♥♥♥ it only takes like 90 minutes to beat because I couldn't stand it any longer (and I'd call myself an Orion Games apologist, Metathrone is genuinely pretty interesting and DUSK-12, despite all its glaring flaws and bugs is a fun mess of a time, but IDK what the ♥♥♥♥ happened here).

I think I hate Parallax Arts Studio? I've ranted about their first release Utopia City in the past (a game I own physically mind you!), how that game is just a hodgepodge of sci-fi tropes and abhorrent FPS design, and while I haven't completed Exodus from the Earth (and have little desire to go back to), I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy my time with it despite its derivative-ness (basically HL2 2, it even looks like it runs in the Source Engine!). Liquidator 2: Welcome to Hell is something else man. I couldn't bare this for more than 30 minutes. Any brave soul who completes this should be rewarded handsomely for their willingness to push through this (6 to 8 hour long) dreck.

It makes a pretty strong impression upon launch when you're greeted to a genuinely cool looking menu screen. Demonic sigilism, apocalyptic flashes, and deep murky reds adorn the radial menu. The opening cutscene sets the stage for some bizarre apocalypse involving demons from hell? And then from what I've been told that's basically where the story ends. The game then lets you choose between 3 levels and the tutorial — naturally I chose the tutorial — and was met with a woman over a loudspeaker telling me about the levels, the red, green and blue potions you find scattered throughout (which have effects such as health regen and... oh yeah STRAIGHT UP REDUCING YOUR HEALTH BUT YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHICH POTION DOES WHAT BECAUSE IT'S RANDOM) and a secret Liquidator wall in every level that acts as like a cache from your Liquidator team. From there I jumped into the "The Lost Town" (more like a village) and within seconds got attacked by bats that I couldn't kill with my axe. Then some skeletons electrocuted me and skull spiders crawled onto my face. I was already tired and it had barely been 3 minutes. I plunged deeper and deeper into the 'town' (also realised I actually spawned with my weapons but they did NOT make that clear) and got swarmed by more and more strange creatures like tiny orc goblin thingys that were very cute and made me feel bad blowing them up.

I didn't play nearly enough to fully grasp what I'm supposed to be doing or why or how the game even really plays, but I think Parallax Arts Studio were attempting to make a metroidvania? It seemingly plays that way as you get dropped into a large map, venture forth, get blocked off by a door that requires the right rune, then you go and find said rune down a different path and it loops all the way back there I think? I don't know. Frankly I don't wanna know. This is an insane person's idea of a good game. The gunplay feels awful. Not as dreadful as Utopia City, but at least that game looked good. This ♥♥♥♥ looks crusty as ♥♥♥♥. I don't normally care about the quality of the graphics (especially in budget titles from this time period) but it looks like someone smeared vaseline across my character's visor.

It's eclectic, I'll give them that, but it feels awful to play, looks awful, and I think I developed a migraine. Am I doing this game a disservice by not giving it a fair shake? Probably, but I'm a purveyor of jankslop, and even I can't deal with this right now. Parallax Arts Studio plague my mind.