🎮 OFFICIAL STATS (100% self-reported, 0% verified):
- Rank: Global Elite (according to my imagination)
- K/D Ratio: Yes
- Spray control: Perfect for the first 3 bullets, then it's modern art
- Money management: Buys deagle on eco, dies to knife round
- Callouts: "he's like... somewhere. behind something."

📜 TERMS & CONDITIONS OF THIS PROFILE:
- Knife me and I legally have to add you as my best friend
- I knife you and you get the replay in 4K, unskippable, with commentary
- "One more game" has been said 4,000 times and has never once been true
- My mute button has seen more action than my crosshair

🏆 ACHIEVEMENTS I'VE ACTUALLY EARNED:
- Flashed myself so hard I saw my ancestors
- Bought an $80 knife skin, still can't afford real-life dinner
- Blamed 6 straight losses on "the servers"
- Once won a 1v5... against bots... on easy

⚠️ Warning: prolonged exposure to this profile may cause a sudden urge to open the case marketplace and question every life choice that led you here.

Thanks for stopping by. GLHF 🎮