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Tuesday, August 29th, 2006
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2:38 pm - terror
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"Using military force to counter terrorism is like pouring gasoline on a fire."
While this quote from Sojourners is reacting to our activities in Iraq, it amazes me how much it reflects where I pastor. Local gangs (or at least gang-like groups) have been terrorizing the neighborhood surrounding our church. Cars, lights, doors, and windows have been smashed. At our church over the past few days, we have had three doors knocked in. The only stolen items have been bags of chips and a basketball, so we know the motivation behind the damage is not for money. We are almost positive that the same kids that have caused the damage are the same kids we are trying to minister to, the same kids who come to play soccer with us and who listen to our messages of grace. One neighbor hopes to solve the crime by harsher treatment of the kids. Make someone pay. Sue for damages if necessary. While I understand the neighbor's anger and while we also have reported the crime to the police, we do not believe in fighting fire with fire. It only makes the fire larger. This is not to say that we enjoy having to repair our buildings from such activity. This is our third incident since Easter. And fighting fire with love does not always seem to work. It is definitely not an immediate solution. However, we know that in the long run, this is only way which can work.
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| Friday, August 18th, 2006
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12:26 pm - Here Comes the Fall
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Of course, as I write this, it is 100 degrees outside. It is still very much a summer day. However, the busyness of fall is quickly approaching. I will be finishing seminary while training as a chaplain in a local hospital and pastoring in our urban community. I doubt I've have much time to post until December.
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| Tuesday, December 20th, 2005
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3:21 pm - Budding Thoughts
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Give me a couple of days off, and I start dreaming about writing books again. It's crazy, really. I've decided that "Gilded Butter" just should not be revived. It made it to chapter 6, but I can't rationalize spending any more time writing about a small town turned crazy from tainted butter. I've been trying to think of a way, though, of giving a realistic glimpse of the homeless world, or at least, the struggles of the working poor -- targeting white middle class Americans who are way too comfortable in their suburban routines. But this time, I really need to do my homework before getting carried away with the "purple of my prose."
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| Saturday, December 17th, 2005
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8:05 pm - Aroma of Death
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I had planned to preach on Luke 2:25-38 tomorrow, but a rat has died somewhere in the church. In fact, it smells the worst near the podium. So now I cannot help but preach about the aroma of death. Of course, our church has experienced a dead squirrel and a dead chicken before, but hopefully this will be the last of dead critters. So I'm planning to seize the moment. Here's a sermon that maybe no one will forget ... :)
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| Friday, December 16th, 2005
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8:48 pm - Another Night at MBK
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At the homeless shelter tonight, the high note of the evening was when Glenn praised God for being sober for a week. He had rededicated his life last week and hasn't touched alcohol or drugs since. So we prayed for Glenn that God would continue to give him strength. Also, a woman named Teresa shared that she's been clean for four months. That really is something. Another note of excitement was when James mentioned that two of his three sons returned safely from Iraq (the other's still there). We had been praying for his sons for some months now. Finally, it was almost comical (in an endearing way) how excited some of them got when we talked about the 115 pastors in Washington D.C. who were arrested for standing up for the rights of the poor. For me, the most amazing thing about the 115 pastors is that I met a dozen or more of them last month in Indianapolis at the CCDA conference. A few of them led the sessions I attended.
Also, as a tangential sidenote ... trying to figure out the logistics for the Chicken Soup story is more difficult than I thought. But maybe it'll work itself out on Monday. Right now, the ending has to be overhauled.
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| Thursday, December 15th, 2005
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7:01 pm - For the love of Christ or adventure?
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As I've been reflecting on my favorite ministry activities -- the aspects of ministry that I really love, I am noticing that it seems to come down to adventure. Do I really enjoy being on the cutting edge of urban ministry because of Christ's calling in my life or do I enjoy it because it provides excitement and good stories to tell? Being completely honest with myself, I'm afraid its the latter. Likewise, I love reading about missionaries in risk-laden encounters. I love the stories of Acts and Daniel and other biblical narratives that show the excitement of following God in danger. I love plot and climax. I love epic movies, epic battles, and the final victory of good. I love challenges because challenges require a fight, spiritually speaking anyway. Challenges serve as a motivation, a catalyst. Perhaps that is the real reason I don't quit, why I don't give up. I may mutter about quitting, but I know deep in my heart I won't because that would be admitting failure, admitting a mountain was too high for my strength or faith. Perhaps my perserverance is not a spiritual reason at all but a hunger for excitement.
It seems I need to learn how to be Mary, content at Jesus's feet. No flashing lights. No amazing stories. Just communion with the savior. Perhaps I need to learn from those like Brother Lawrence who worshipped Christ while washing pots.
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| Wednesday, December 14th, 2005
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11:01 pm - In the World
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It wasn’t Sunday morning simply because I smelled like beer and cigarette smoke. No, it was Sunday morning because I was doing what I enjoy most: following Jesus back into the alleys of Waco. For the past several months, I have had the joy of hanging out with people near 21st and Bosque. In good weather, we have prayer and Bible study outside; during the winter, we meet in a friend’s home or talk in a convenience store. Wherever we gather, these relationships provide the fuel I need to make it through the rest of the week.
Of course, these relationships are not easy. The more I get to know people, the messier things tend to become. At times, no one shows up to the Bible study; perhaps they are too tired or too hung over. Sometimes, I knock until they get out of their beds, or I simply sit outside and wait for them. It strikes me as funny if I hear, "Oh no, it’s the preacher." This past Sunday I discovered that one of the "faithful" gatherers had decided to commune with the bottle instead of Christ. Yet, because I came to her door, she invited me in and told me about more of her life – not merely the things she would think a pastor would want to hear. She did, however, still try to assure me that although she was drinking alone at eleven in the morning, she was now only a social drinker. Obviously, the level of trust needs to continue to deepen.
Nevertheless, the fact that she would allow the love of Christ to meet her in her mess is why I can continue doing what God has called me to do. It is how I avoid burnout in ministry. I actually get to see people make small steps toward Christ who would never enter a church. It gives me joy when my involvement helps someone get a job or when someone decides to follow Christ on a daily basis. I can’t help but smile when a wife yells for her husband to get himself outside because the "preacher’s going to pray."
So while I am still a "traditional" pastor by night, there is nothing more fulfilling than following Jesus back into the world, even if that means I smell like the sheep.
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10:56 pm
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"Calcuttas are everywhere if only you have the eyes to see."- Mother Teresa
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| Thursday, November 3rd, 2005
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3:04 pm - Amazed
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I know that we live in a fallen world with fallen actions and thoughts, but sometimes, I am still completely amazed by people's pathetic rudeness. How anyone could be insensitive towards someone expressing the death of a pastor is beyond me. I don't care if someone is an atheist or a Hindu or a witch doctor or something else. Every life is valuable, and the loss of life is to be mourned. Wow. Our world really needs Jesus.
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2:15 pm - Houston, we have a problem
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Sometimes, life really just does not make sense. Whether it's a fellow pastor who's electrocuted in a baptistery or being told in seminary that most of what is taught in Sunday School is false or wondering why professing Christians cannot seem to reflect any resemblance of Christ ... I don't know. It's crazy. I am frustrated. But I will still push forward. Maybe I'll figure it all out tomorrow. Maybe never. But I will keep going because ... after all, what else would I do?
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| Saturday, October 29th, 2005
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10:58 am - Busy
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The irony of these days actually reflects most of my seminary experience: my academic work about ministry often kicks real ministry aside. There has got to be a different way -- of seminary, I mean. Then again, I realize that I will always be busy, always stressed for time. Jesus was never in a rush.
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| Friday, September 9th, 2005
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8:45 am - The Trap of Efficiency
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I have been confronted with the sad truth that as an urban pastor, I have been largely ineffective. Sure, people will pat me on the back for taking a church no one else wanted, but I still bring my suburban, middle-class mindset to the table. For instance, I tend to think of efficiency instead of long-term empowering. It is so much easier to do something myself or to get a talented someone from seminary who can "stand in the gap" instead of taking the time and patience to build bridges and see community leaders emerge. Unless I direct my attention to empowering, our church will continue to be suburban adults working with urban kids. This is not a long term solution.
I am also seeing that an old, 1940s-built church is actually a blessing instead of a hindrance. We have often wondered if it would be more effective to demolish the buildings and have professionals start over. As it is, our repairs are limping along through volunteer hands, none of which leave a "professional" touch. But a woman said something to me last week which is changing my perspective. When she started talking about the state of our buildings, I assumed that it was going to be another grumble. Instead, she said, "This church offers freedom. I don't have to worry about messing anything up. The kids can spill something, and it's okay." I am beginning to understand that while things should be clean and "nice" and up to code, the church doesn't have to look polished, at least, not in a perfectionistic kind of way. In fact, perhaps polish only enslaves.
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| Tuesday, August 23rd, 2005
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4:45 pm - President Chavez
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The request today of the assassination of President Chavez is about the most foolish thing I've heard a televangelist say. What kind of Christ-like attitude is that?
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| Monday, August 1st, 2005
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4:38 pm - Another Thought about Kung
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Obviously, I've had some months to consider the "vagueness" of Christianity presented by Kung. My conclusion has been that the Christianity Kung refers to is not really Christianity at all, but rather, cultural Christianity. True Christianity is upside down (or right-side up if you can see right). Christianity is Christ. Christ demands sacrifice and death to self. The first will be last. The last will be first. Only through death can life come. So no mere "moral" person that I have encountered has ever wanted to die to his own desires in order to see love, joy, peace, etc.
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| Friday, May 20th, 2005
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4:09 pm - Some Thoughts
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I've been reading A Theology as Big as the City by Ray Bakke and On Being a Christian by Hans Kung. In the former, it's triggering the thoughts that depth has to come before creativity, and in the former, I am confronted by the vagueness of Christianity. Kung points out that in many ways, Christians and non-Christians want the same things ... love, justice, meaning, being good and doing good ... shouldn't there be more difference than simply Christ? This may seem blasphemous because Christ is my all in all. Nonetheless, what is the real difference between moral Christians and moral non-Christians? I am reminded of the thought (I don't know where I read it) that the world loves the fruit of Christianity but hates Christ. But if the world hates Christ, shouldn't it hate the fruit too?
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| Wednesday, May 18th, 2005
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8:30 pm - Darfur
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13 deaths an hour, and yet, the genocide is so easy to ignore in the comforts of America. Tonight at church we discussed this horror and how humanity could do such a thing to fellow humans. We also discussed how terrible it is that the West largely ignores them. Not enough economic reasons to be involved, we surmised. We had no answers, but it was a step just to talk about the situation, and we prayed for the people of Darfur. And we will continue to pray. May God save them. And may God forgive us for our lack of involvement.
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1:39 pm - Paintings
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Some of the color has been washed out (or the reverse) in these pics, but the paintings are oil and/or acrylic.
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| Monday, May 16th, 2005
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8:43 pm - Boundaries
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I have been told by social workers, "Don't let their problems become yours." Nights like tonight, though, it is so difficult. My heart is on the corner of 12th and Mary. I can picture the Vietnamese man watching me get in my car. The shelter is full, so he has to sleep outside tonight. His family is still in Vietnam, and he came to America to find work. But his English is poor, and his money is gone. We actually spoke in Chinese as much as English, and it killed me hearing him say "zai jian" (good bye) as I shut the door.
Boundaries in ministry are blurry. I cannot bring strangers home with me and allow my wife to have a peace of mind. I must put family before ministry. I also realize that at least the weather is great: clear and in the 60s. And how could I help one when there's several others who have to sleep outside tonight? The shelter's always full. They have to use a lottery system to see who gets a bed. Losers sleep outside. I normally don't have to think about the losers, but when I know the person's name, see his smile, and see his diminished hope, I wonder if I'm only rationalizing. I can't get "zai jian" out of my mind.
Another man really impressed me, though. He commented that when he's sleeping in the shelter, he praises God that he does not have to sleep outside. But when he has to sleep outside, he praises God that he is alive. Like Paul, this man has learned to be content in every situation. At one point in the Bible study, I apologized to the group that Christians in our city do not do more to help them. But this man wouldn't hear it. He was not concerned about how others treated him. His focus was on how he treated others.
After the Bible study, I spent an hour just hanging out with them. It was great, really. It often involved informal counseling, but I made sure they knew they needed to talk with their social worker or case worker. There was an older gentleman sober for 39 days (from alcohol and heroin) who was asking for prayer to stay sober and for advice about how to minister to an alcoholic friend of his. There was a woman from Bulgaria. In fact, she had only been in town for a week, though she probably knows the workings of the city better than most. What an unfortunate welcome. And then there was her boyfriend who had lived in Europe for eight years, working with helicopters. What had happened for him to go from flying in helicopters in Germany to a homeless shelter in Texas? But hopefully the couple will come to church Sunday, and I can get to know them better.
Of course, more involvement means more pain. But I'd rather risk pain than callousness.
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6:58 am - Global Day of Prayer
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Yesterday was quite full. At 7:30 a.m., my wife and I were praying in front of city hall with a handful of people celebrating the Global Day of Prayer. Then, we went to a service at a large Methodist church in town before attending a Baptist church down the street from our home. I spent the afternoon reading St. Francis of Assisi's "The Little Flowers" and finishing up my sermon. Then, we celebrated the day of prayer at the little church I pastor, and finally, we ate dinner with friends until 10 p.m. at a Vietnamese restaurant. Of course, I got the Pasta Pot, which is not so Vietnamese, but it's the best on the menu.
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| Saturday, May 14th, 2005
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8:27 am - Quiero Mas
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Mi espanol no es bien ... que lastima! Las palabras en mi mente venir muy lento, si eso. A veces, no hay nada. Pero quiero mas. Por favor, Senor, dame mas! Necesito mas y mas y mas. Entonces, puedo hablar con todos los gentes en Texas.
My Spanish is so rusty. I was trying to speak to a family from Mexico, inviting them to church. They would smile and seem to want to come. But then I would realize I was using some Chinese words. Ugh! They had no idea what I was saying. The same thing happened to me when I moved back from Poland. I would mix Polish and Spanish, and now, I mix Chinese and Spanish. So these last few days I have been practicing with some Spanish tapes from the library. Practicing with basic Spanish is a blow to my pride, but at least the practice is stirring stagnant waters. It's amazing how fast we can lose something when we don't use it.
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