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xsilentskies

xsilentskies

things are starting to get better.
xsilentskies
April 7th, 2010
Current Mood:
hopeful hopeful
For once I actually feel as though there's hope for me. I don't feel useless anymore. Now that spring break has started my attitude has changed drastically. It has to be the environment I'm in at school that makes me feel depressed. When I'm away from that environment like I am now I feel so much better. Now once I go back to school, although I may have my days when I'm down, I don't think I'll ever feel suicidal and hopeless again. I'm starting to care about my life again. The strange thing is, though, that I'm still not as sociable as I used to be. I don't know why, but I really want to find out.
My weight issues have also improved. No, I'm not completely well with that either, but I'm not starving myself. I'm starting to eat and excercise the healthy way, which is obviously a good thing..

So yeah, life is looking up for me :D

Hopefully I get a good score on the ACT this Saturday. If i do a HUGE ball of stress will be removed. You have no idea how happy i would be.

I know that this is a short update, but i had to make it quick.


Peace&&Love.
-Johnny
i think i'm depressed.
xsilentskies
March 4th, 2010
I hate this, I feel like complete shit all the time. I feel worthless. I feel like I'm all alone. I geninely feel as if I have absolutely NO ONE at all in this world. It's so hard going through life not having not one person by your side. I hate myself so much. I'm fat. I'm ugly. I'm untalented. I just hate myself so much! I go to school and I see all these assholes walking around without a care in the world. They go around smiling. I can't help but think, "Why do these people deserve happiness and I don't? What am I doing wrong?" I try my hardest to be the best person I can be. I treat everyone with respect and I'm nice to everyone. Why are the bullies the one's that get to be happy while I'm sad all the fucking time! Maybe I should turn into an asshole. Maybe I'll find happiness and friends that way. People don't give a damn about the nice people in their lives, they chase after the people that can care less about them. I used to be such a believer in karma, now I'm so convinced that it's a load of shit.

I also lost interest in nearly everything. I barely pick up the phone and talk to my friends anymore, I never go out anymore, I don't even enjoy writing anymore. Writing used to be the one thing in life I enjoyed more than anything else. It was just over the summer that I did a journalism program and got published in a magazine. That's something I don't ever see myself doing again. Now my life revoles around sleeping, being forced to go to school, and food. 

Stupid!
Stupid!
Stupid!

I've been thinking about suicide so much lately and I know it isn't a good thing. I know for sure that I'm depressed. I really want to get help, but I have no idea how I'm going to tell my parents. I'm suprised that they don't really see the change in me. I need help badly.

Thinspirationnnnn!
xsilentskies
February 22nd, 2010
Something I needed at the moment D:

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