Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Dear Santa


Dear Santa,

For Christmas I want:

1. As many dead mice as it takes to kill all the mice in my apartment

2. A restraining order against each and every rodent on the planet

3. To have returned to me everything the mice have stolen (i.e. my food, my sanity, my life)

Threateningly yours,

Adam

Monday, December 14, 2009

Quotes from some of my friends

Can you guess who said what?

1. "I think I can make it to your house if I don't get distracted by a lawn donkey."

2. "I vote we play a game for which we don't need to explain the rules."

3. "My biggest pet peeve is doormats. You know, the sound it makes when people wipe their feet on them."

4. "Even if we took off our shoes, socks and feet, I'd still be taller than you."

5. "I can put 'shitting diamonds' in a haiku if I add the word 'out' at the end."

6. "No, I will not be bringing my Edward doll with me to New Moon."

7. "I just made the biggest mistake. It's going to cost me the game." (this person later won the game)

8. "I don't think I'd like to be on the receiving end of this song." (After "Sex Bomb" came on the radio)

9. "This jam I bought is too chunky."

10. "Are you prejudiced against chunky people?"

11. "I love chunky people! I just wouldn't want to put one on my peanut butter sandwich."

I'll give a prize to the person who gets the most right! People can be used for quotes more than once.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Why I love reality TV

These clips totally get me

waterworks 1

waterworks 2

Friday, October 23, 2009

Your Flowers

Check out my newest song

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Do you speak haiku?


A friend of mine is having a haiku contest, so I've been thinking a lot in 5-7-5's. The following is a haiku that I will NOT be submitting:

bananas is spelled
B-A-N-A-N-A-S
by Gwen Stefani

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

The Song Inside

I uploaded my latest song to my myspace page. Check it out and let me know what you think!

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

How to waste inordinate amounts of time and money

1. Invest in a home recording studio

2. Call yourself a band

3. Record some silly songs

4. Upload them to a myspace page

Now all I need is a recording contract, a sold out tour and some groupies.

Will you be my groupie?

Friday, September 18, 2009

I must be sick...

Friday, September 04, 2009

Haiku in honor of the Japanese Festival



Sumo wrestlers spar;
Wearing a diaper, they fight
On cottage cheese legs.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Favorite places to eat in St. Louis

Schlafly Bottleworks
to eat: anything. to drink: birch or ginger soda. for dessert: sticky toffee pudding

Taquería Los Tarascos
enchiladas con mole and horchata (hecha a mano)

City Coffee House and Creperie
savory: the st. louis crepe. sweet: the freedom crepe (or any of them really)

Pi
deep-dish pizza; Obama's favorite

King & I
pad thai; curries are also good

Sub Zero
build your own burger; fun sides like sweet potato fries and tempura vegetables

Wasabi
the sushi is served on a boat!

Pho Grand
coconut curry

Zia's
best of the Italian places I've been to on the hill; they have toasted ravioli

Mom's Deli
mom's special sandwich with homemade thousand island dressing

Cyrano's
desserts: bread pudding or anything they light on fire

Fitz's
I go for the cream soda; root beer is good too; burgers are decent

Favorite chains

Red Robin
bonzai or bleu ribbon burger with freckled lemonade

Macaroni Grill
honey balsamic chicken and lemon passion cake

Cheesecake Factory
orange chicken and chocolate coconut cream cheesecake

More (failed) first impressions

ME: Hello.
SHE: Hi.
ME: Did you just touch my butt?
SHE: Excuse me?
ME: My butt. Someone just touched it.
SHE: Well I don't think I would do that.
ME: I'm sorry, but it's way too early in our relationship for you to be touching my butt.
SHE: ...

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Why I don't make the best first impression

ME: Hello. I'm ME.
SHE: Hi me. I'm SHE.
ME: Tell me about yourself.
SHE: What do you want to know?
ME: Well, do you have any special talents?
SHE: Special talents? Like what?
ME: You know. Like... um... can you whistle?
SHE: Actually I can't.
ME: Oh. That's too bad. Can you roll your tongue?
SHE: No.
ME: Really? Wow. Can you wink?
SHE: You mean like this? (tries unsuccessfully to force one eye shut while keeping the other open)
ME: Not exactly.
SHE: Oh. Well, I guess I can't wink then either.
ME: You can't whistle. You can't roll your tongue. And you can't even close one eye without perspiring. That's quite impressive. It's like your whole face is defective.
SHE: ...

Tuesday, July 07, 2009

Who's excited for The Half Blood Prince?

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Surgeon General (Mills) Warning

Some things are magically delicious... like Lucky Charms®


Other things are TRAGICALLY delicious... like half a dozen donuts consumed in a single sitting. Humanly impossible you say? Oh, but I beg to differ. As it turns out, a human (I) can (did) eat (devour) half a dozen (six) donuts (jelly-filled) in a single (one) sitting (binge). As proof of the perilousness of these perforated pastries, I present the following disturbing images. Proceed at your own risk.

Exhibit A:

Exhibit B:


Exhibit C:

I know what you're thinking... that girl is just sleeping.

Think again.

That's right. This girl has dunked her last donut.

You might notice one of the co-conspiring criminals trying to look inconspicuous in the corner. Can you hear him laughing?

No? Donuts don't laugh you say? Well, then... I have a question for you.


Why?


So?



SERIOUS?


...


Here is the scene of the crime. It's only a hop, skip, and a heart attack away from my house.


Donuts... They're tragically delicious!!!

Tuesday, June 09, 2009

Diversities of Gifts


A few months ago, I wrote an essay for North Star entitled "Diversities of Gifts" that they recently published on their website. You can read it here.

Sunday, May 31, 2009

The Gospel in Country Music (and other seemingly unlikely places)


"One of the grand fundamental principles of 'Mormonism' is to receive truth, let it come from whence it may."
--Joseph Smith

"We're a couple." We were sitting in their living room, my home teaching companion and I. After two or three similar visits, the two men we were chatting with came out to us. I don't think either of us was surprised, but I don't think we were prepared either. It was somewhat unfamiliar territory. "We've had other visitors from the church, home teachers and missionaries. After they figure out what's going on, they run for the hills," he said. Despite what I would have expected, there was no ill-will in his tone. He smiled and I laughed. But it was a laugh mingled with sadness. Sadness for the neglect these two had undeservedly experienced.

We continued to visit them. Why wouldn't we? They listened intently to our lessons and had great insights to share. They came to church when we invited them to a special service. They took our invitation to share the Book of Mormon seriously by discussing it with a neighbor. We learned about their families, their jobs, and their schooling. One was a computer guy, the other a musician. We went to concerts and pod-raced at Dave and Busters. Christmas came and they presented us both with gifts. They were friendly and thoughtful and clever, and laughing always constituted a significant portion of our visits.

Life has a way of discouraging keeping-in-touch as it moves us radially away from shared time and space, but we are still friends. Facebook (peace be upon Mike Zuckerberg) has become our principal means of communication, but if we were to hang out I'm sure things would be like they were. Sometimes I think about what would have happened if we, too, had "run for the hills" because of fear of a new situation. It would have been such a loss. I learned so much from these two, though ironically, my original motivation for visiting them was because I had something to teach them. Ha!

I have since made other friends in the gay community. We may not always agree on everything, but that doesn't mean I don't have something to learn. Does the gay community have truth? Absolutely. If I am to circumscribe all truth into one great whole, then I must be willing to look for truth wherever it is found.

One of the things I have learned is that we are way too worried about being macho. Male sensitivity is definitely something to celebrate, though in our hypermasculinized society it is considered a weakness. In fact, I would go so far as to say that to develop traits of sensitivity and genuine concern for others is a commandment, a commandment that is incongruous with the ideal of male invincibility. Indeed, the God whom we are commanded to emulate is likely just as kind, generous, and loving as he is confident, powerful, and strong, though the former are not consistent with the model of masculinity by which modern men are measured. Those are truths I have discovered in unconventional places, or the gospel in gay.

Sometimes we are afraid that adding "extraneous" truths to the body of truths we currently possess somehow taints the truths we have acquired. We feel threatened when we come across truths in foreign places because it requires admitting that we don't have a monopoly on all truth. To illustrate, I offer the parable of the digital music collection. Since the nineties, I have been a huge fan of alternative rock. Alternative was simply the best thing that had happened to popular music and there was no telling me differently. Anything ouside of this genre, including Country and Rap, was heresy. You might say I saw Alt-rock as the only "true" music genre. I'd be damned if I added anything Shania to my immaculate collection. I was so focused on what I was comfortable with, on what I knew, that I wasn't willing to admit that there was anything ouside of that. But one day, I decided to be brave, and I reached outside of what I was comfortable with. I was amazed at what I found. Good music. In unlikely genres. Where was this music hiding the whole time? Turned out it wasn't. I just couldn't hear it.

"He that hath ears to hear, let him hear" (Matt 11:15).

It's amazing what you can hear when you have ears to hear it.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Perfect Strangers


Perfect strangers,
Boy and girl,
Once met inside a head.
Full well, they knew
Such meetings meant
That one would end up dead.

Like yin and yang,
Their natures
Were in violent opposition.
And yet, they yearned
For what was called,
"Forbidden contradiction."

The boy, he bowed.
The girl was coy,
A dangerous flirtation.
Then drawing near,
Their interest piqued
A sudden fascination.

The two embraced,
Began to dance,
A daring coexistence.
They danced,
These two ideas, well,
In spite of all resistance.

Another time,
Another head,
Again these two did meet.
But don't expect
In every case
Their meeting is as sweet.

For after sharing
What had seemed
A friendly salutation,
Their short-lived courting
Soon became
A deadly consternation.

"We cannot both
Survive," said one,
"The thought is heresy!"

"Then die you shall,"
The other said,
"You won't be besting me!"

And so ensued a battle,
In which one
Would draw a gun.
And that was how
These two ideas
Quickly summed to one.

For in this town
'Twas commonplace
To witness duels of gore.
Indeed, the place
Was termed by all,
"The Land of Either-or."

It is a town
In which a law
Had banned cooperation.
The town is bordered
By the sea of
Lack-of-magination.

Thus,

When two ideas
Chance upon
Each other in the street,
The thing that makes
The difference is
The head in which they meet.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Wilson!


If I were stuck on a desert island with only 20 songs to keep me company, these would be the songs I'd choose (in no particular order):

Fly From Heaven -Toad the Wet Sprocket
Dance Floor Anthem -Good Charlotte
Look After You -The Fray
Little Wonders -Rob Thomas
Have You Seen Me Lately? -Counting Crows
Wine Red -The Hush Sound
Bring Me To Life -Evanescence
This Is The Last Time -Keane
Tune Out -The Format
Soldier's Daughter -Tonic
Candleburn -Dishwalla
Love Song -Sara Bareilles
Flat Tire -Athenaeum
Dam Would Break -Toad the Wet Sprocket
May It Be -Enya
First Time -Lifehouse
Angel -Sarah McLachlan
Disease -Matchbox 20
Precious Declaration -Collective Soul
Dare You To Move -Switchfoot
Time Ago -Black Lab

Ok, so there are actually 21. Deal with it.

Saturday, May 02, 2009

Raisins and goldfish and crumbs! Oh my!

... that's what you find when you're vacuuming the pews of the church in preparation for another weekly Sunday-sacrament-meeting-snack-fest (i.e. mormon church service). Did I say pews? More like Pee-yew!s. Since we were understaffed cleaning the church this morning, and since there was a pack of parent-less children running around the building, I decided it might actually make my job easier if I could put the little buggers to work. Not only that, but it would also serve to restore a measure of equilibrium to the cosmic imbalance of justice in the universe since it was these raisin-chewing, goldfish-munching kids who were the pew-contaminating perpetrators in the first place. I figured if I baited the hook with enough feigned enthusiasm as well as an implied willingness to grant them temporary 'honorary grown-up status' for complying, they would bite. After all, it had always worked on my five younger slaves, I mean... siblings. Kids are all about that kind of stuff, right?

"Hey guys!!!!!! How would you like to help me clean the chapel?!?!?!?!"

PCP1: "Um, we're playing a game."

PCP2: "Cleaning doesn't sound like much fun."

PCP3: ...

"Dang," I thought bemusedly. "Kids are a lot smarter these days than they used to be."

Luckily, I remembered having once seen a movie about a woman who was notorious for her uncanny ability to make child laborers out of unwilling children. I decided to try a different strategy.

"Unless... we make it into a game." I said.

UWC1: "What kind of game?"

UWC2: "Yeah, what kind of game?"

UWC3: ...

"Well," I explained, "all of these hymnbooks need to be gathered into a pile so I can vacuum the cracker crumbs out of the pews. What if we have a race to see who can collect the most hymnbooks from off the pews?"

CL1: "O.K!"

CL2: "That sounds like fun!"

CL3: ... (At this point I wondered if maybe this little guy was too young to have learned very many words.)

"On your marks, get set, GO!!!"

And go they did. Brilliant. Thank you Mary Poppins.

Everything was going swimmingly until one of the girls discovered a small abandoned stuffed cat on a chair. Suddenly my cadre of laborers turned into nothing but a group of la'ying-down-on-the-jo'borers.

LDOTJ3: "kiTTycAT?" (He speaks!)

LDOTJ1: "I think I'll take her home with me."

LDOTJ2: "Why do you get to take her home?"

Time for more quick thinking.

LDOTJ3: "sOloMoN?"

"Now just hold on there. Let's not do anything rash... I'm guessing the kitty's owner is probably really missing her right now. Do you think maybe we should put the kitty in the lost and found in case the owner comes looking for her?"

LDOTJ1: "Good idea!"

LDOTJ2: "Let's do it!"

LDOTJ3: "hiMBOok?"

"That reminds me... we should to get back to work! I mean... back to our game!"

CL1: "I'm going to win!"

CL2: "Nuh-uh, I'm going to win!"

CL3: "uNICeF?"

Monday, April 27, 2009

Just a reminder that we all say stupid things sometimes

Three things NOT to say to/about a young single adult:

1. "Is there an adult here?"

2. "For those of us who have families..."

3. (See the following conversation)

YMA: Are you dating anyone?

YSA: No.

YMA: Are you happy?

YSA: Yes.

YMA: Good. Because John Bytheway says, "The best thing is to be happily married, but the second best thing is to be happily single."

YSA: ...

P.S. I don't think any of these people was intentionally trying to make me feel marginalized. They probably just weren't thinking about what they were saying. Or perhaps they just didn't know how to treat people in a situation they have never experienced (i.e. being 28 and single in the church), or if they had experienced it, they were so far removed that they had forgotten what it was like. I've recently identified some stupid things that I say that are offensive. Here are a few:

"That's so retarded."
"I've been gypped!"

I'm trying to eliminate insensitive terms from my vocabulary, so do me a favor and call me out on it when I slip up.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

A Commentary on David's Lamentation

(See this previous post)

David's Lamentation was inspired by a promising friendship I had made that was tragically cut short. Of all the uninvited visitors that came into the relationship, Passion was the most punctual. Passion can come in many forms. Think of how Cain's passion and jealousy led him to kill Abel, ending their familial bond and foreshadowing the brother-against-brother enmity that would plague the human race.

Applied more broadly, the poem mourns the general feeling of disdain for fraternal affection that exists in our society. Sam Keen notes:

"Close male friendship is the norm in most societies and is usually considered a more important source of intimacy than romantic relationships. The celebrated friendships of David and Jonathan or Achilles and Patroclus reflect a valuation more typical than the American pattern of acquaintanceship or a quick slap on the butt after making a touchdown."

Loving friendships like David's and Jonathan's or Ammon's and Alma's (see an earlier post) are simply not as valued as they used to be.

It is also the loss of fraternal love that is the cause of so much war and violence. "... and they shall fight every one against his brother, and every one against his neighbour; city against city, and kingdom against kingdom" (Isaiah 19:2).

Weeping makes a repeated appearance in the poem. The moisture from a reader's tears makes the final act of a play illegible. Van Gogh's artistic style lacks detail, as if his landscapes were being viewed through wet eyes. Tears constitute a key ingredient of an inedible soup. Time and forgetfulness can provide a healing influence, but much more slowly than desired.

The ostentatiously decorated masks at the party represent our attempts to hide our pain from those around us.

Although not explicitly recognized, Hope does make a brief cameo in the poem, albeit an inconspicuous one. The hint is in the reference to Pandora's box. Hope differs from the other personified emotions in that he won't go seeking for you voluntarily. Instead, you must undertake to find him where he is.

After composing the poem, I realized that I had revealed more of myself than I had initially intended. I considered not posting it in order to not leave myself so exposed. But then I wondered if I would be joining in the masquerade by doing so.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

David's Lamentation: The Passing of Brotherhood


Good morning, Loneliness.
I awoke
To find you
Right where I left you,
Beside my busted heart.
Your presence a cruel reminder
That living is a duty
And breathing a chore.
And yet,
If you were to leave,
You’d leave me
Bereft of every mercy.
Silence
Is the noise I hear,
The call
Of forgotten voices.
They sing
A haunting melody,
A requiem to moments passed,
Of unrelenting tenderness:
A memory
Of forbidden pleasures
And an echo
Of difficult choices.

Passion,
You have arrived much too soon,
And unbridled.
For Friendship should have been your predecessor;
In a tragic reversal,
You have robbed me of his company.
You intrude,
A burglary.
Take all that I have, but
Do not bid me leave.
Leave me destitute,
But alive.
Ravished,
But conscious enough to perceive
The emptiness
That surrounds me,
Born of thievery.
My luxury turns
To poverty. And I, a
Solitary
Witness to this crime of Passion,
Will give unspoken testimony.

Welcome, Heartache.
Have a seat at the dinner table,
A permanent place
On a chair of uncompromising glue,
Where we will be served a supper
Of baby and bathwater stew,
A recipe of good and bad intertwined.
Add salt to taste
Or pour in a wound.
A non-potable soup
Quickly thrown out,
As evidenced by the hunger left behind.

Enter, Despondence,
My bosom friend.
Make yourself at home.
Read to me a half-tale
From a book without an end.
A severed story,
Forever untold.
Unfinished,
Undone,
Unknown.
Or if you prefer,
A three-act play,
Of which only two acts survive.
Its final scenes
Spoiled by Sadness.
Undecipherable,
Unintelligible,
Unrecoverable.
A tear-stained mess
Of ruined ink,
A lachrymose lyric
Of ‘happily never after’s.

Greetings, Surreality,
My home away from home.
Through moistened eyes,
I see
A forest,
Blurry to the view,
Of willow trees,
Weighed down
With an invisible burden.
It’s my burden too.
Seeds
From bitter fruit
Take root.
Time defied,
They grow
To full stature
With frightening speed
To impale a martyred sky.
It bleeds—
Hues of blues
And swirls
Of sorrow appear
In vivid pallor
—and clots.
A canvas drowning
In a sea of thick impasto.
A night of starry Sadness
As deep as forever.

Doctor Forgetfulness,
You’re late as usual.
Come poke and prod
‘Till you find nothing wrong.
Then ask me
Where it hurts.
Check my vitals,
The false indications of life,
Remnants of a former vitality now stilled.
Conclude I’m alive, then
Pronounce me dead—
A fevered flirtation with Death herself.
A prognosis of pain?
Give me oblivion.
No cure to be found,
None but time:
Each instant a scanty dose.

Bienvenida, Tristeza.
Pasa a lo barrido!
You’re invited
To a fiesta!
A widower’s party
Of fancifully fabricated revelry!
With Love
Our common deceased,
And bitterness our new betrothed.
Don your mask for the masquerade!
Masks of uncanny ostentation.
Such fantastical masks
That nobody asks
About the desperately disguised desperation.
But masks of such elaborate decoration
Become heavy.
And the visage of true feelings is revealed behind,
Each face as recognizable
As a relative’s:
A reunion of consanguineous kin,
A procreative proliferation
Of the Prisoners
Of Pandora’s box.

Usher in the Sadness of the Ages,
The sine qua non of human existence,
A condition born of Abel’s death,
The inconsolable mourning
Of our primeval parents
Not just for one, but for two sons lost:
The end
Of an evanescent fraternity for them—
And for me.
For like David,
I dared to love a Brother,
A Brother whisked away
By a Pentecostal rapture.
And David’s lamentation is
My lamentation:
“Very pleasant hast thou been unto me:
Thy Love to me was wonderful,
Passing
The love of women.”

Friday, January 16, 2009

To Be a Mormon

We were driving to church in Houston, Texas, my missionary companion, the woman we were teaching, her 5 year old son and I. The woman was young and strikingly good-looking. Her well cared for appearance served to hide the difficulties she endured as she struggled to take care of her family in a country that was desperately foreign to her. She had been in the states for a few years now, and even though she hadn’t learned to speak a lick of English, the inevitable influences of American culture were beginning to show in her dress and makeup.

If the family was lucky enough to avoid being deported by what the numerous illegal Mexican immigrants in the area called “La Migra,” she would see her son become even more anglicized than she, as he went to school with the Texan gueritos and learned what it was like to be a ball-playing, bubble gum-chewing, root beer-guzzling American kid. But for now he was undeniably Mexican, not unlike his south-of-the-border amiguitos, although his skin, one of the lighter hues of the Mexican palette inherited from his mother, might have suggested otherwise.

We were near the church when he noticed the tote that carried my scriptures, set down between us on the floor of the car. He had seen them before, carried to his house by the gringo Elders who communicated their Mormon message in broken Spanish to his humble family. Since a missionary carries his scriptures like a needle carries its thread, it wouldn’t have taken much for him to make a meaningful mental connection between the Elders and their conspicuously co-present canon.

The boy reached down and firmly grasped the handle on my “believer’s bag.” “Mira, mamá! Ya soy Mormón!” (Look, Mom! I’m a Mormon!) He announced as he displayed his prop proudly. As I contemplated my little friend’s confident declaration of his newfound identity, I was struck by the humor of his slightly oversimplified estimation of what it takes to be a Mormon. Recalling the experience has prompted me to think about what the meaning of the word “Mormon” is for me.

What does it mean to be a Mormon? Joseph Smith taught that the word “Mormon” literally means “more good.” For me, being a Mormon is very much being part of a community. You cannot be a Mormon by avoiding associations with others, anymore than you can be Simon Cowell by refusing to assert your superiority. In other words, you cannot be a Mormon without reaching out to others both internally and externally. Goodness applied exclusively to self is hardly worth bragging about. Perhaps the entreaty to be “more good” is an invitation to extend our goodness beyond ourselves, to increase our sphere of influence to include those around us. Wilford Woodruff states:

“If our religion does not lead us to love our God and our fellowman and to deal justly and uprightly with all men, then our profession of it is in vain… If Latter-day Saints lived as they should do, and as their religion teaches them to do, there would be no feeling in any breast but that of brotherly and sisterly affection and love.”

And Heber J. Grant beseeches:

“We earnestly implore all members of the church to love their brethren and sisters, and all peoples whoever and wherever they are; to banish hate from their lives, to fill their hearts with charity, patience, long-suffering, and forgiveness… The gospel of Christ is a gospel of love and peace, of patience and long-suffering, of forbearance and forgiveness, of kindness and good deeds, of charity and brotherly love.”

In Mosiah chapter 18, we read of Alma’s experience baptizing a group of people he had taught. Ironically enough, he baptized them in the waters of Mormon. He listed the following as being requisite for entrance into the "fold of God:"

1. The willingness to bear one another’s burdens that they may be light
2. The willingness to mourn with those that mourn
3. The willingness to comfort those who stand in need of comfort

Clearly, Alma viewed the mutual sharing of burdens as a key component of the baptismal covenant. Perhaps it is intended that these burdens, originally delegated exclusively to individuals, be redistributed such that the members of Christ’s church assume the collective burden in a law-of-consecration sort of way. Not only is the weight of individual burdens eased by this transfer of personal hardship, but those who do the easing are also miraculously benefited.

Perhaps what we read in D&C 46 with respect to spiritual gifts, “To some is given one, and to some is given another, that all may be profited thereby” (v.12) might also pertain to the distribution of distress. Neal Maxwell said:

"Patience... helps us to realize that while we may be ready to move on, having had enough of a particular learning experience, our continuing presence is often a needed part of the learning environment of others" (Quote appears in 1980 Oct Ensign, but was shamelessly stolen from a post by Ty Mansfield).

Elder Maxwell identifies one reason why we are called to endure mortal experiences that are less-than-pleasant. This is because it creates an opportunity for others to learn the godly attribute of compassion. Because the trials we experience are different, the more people we are able to help, the more diverse will be our experiences, and the more comprehensive our learning. Those who would refuse to shoulder the burdens of others, or are inclined to heap more burdens upon their backs are denied the valuable lessons that come from the vicarious ownership of adversity.

The performance of the Atonement by Jesus Christ, incontrovertibly the most excruciating burden endured in eternity, was also the most educational. It was through Gethsemane that Christ learned how to “succor his people according to their infirmities” (Alma 7:12). Though we are not asked to, nor are we capable of, bearing such a weight, certainly our spiritual education is dependent on our willingness to be a surrogate sufferer. I count myself lucky to have as friends some amazing people who are so willing.

Huge paybacks in growth are in store, but these are big responsibilities to be sure. Now who will help me ease the burden of being a Mormon?

Thursday, January 15, 2009

I heart the hymns


I love the hymns. And I like to sing them. In the shower. Loudly.

Here are some of my most favorites:

O Savior, Thou who Wearest a Crown
Guide us O Thou Great Jehovah
Rejoice, the Lord is King
Though Deepening Trials
Joseph Smith's first Prayer
If You Could Hie to Kolob
Glory to God on High
Each Life That Touches Ours for Good

Sadly, this last hymn is sometimes referred to as, "the funeral song." I find this designation most unfortunate. Why must we only sing our gratitude for our friends once they're dead? Forgive me as I wax nostalgic for a moment to share an experience from my mission. One evening we went to visit a man who had scheduled his baptism for the previous Sunday, but failed to show up. You can imagine his embarrassment when we came to visit him several days after the no-show. My companion and I decided to do something a little different during the visit. We sang to him, "Each Life That Touches Ours for Good." The mood of the visit changed completely. The man, who had been worried that his unfulfilled commitment had tainted out friendship with him, relaxed as the Spirit communicated to him otherwise. He asked us, "How did you know to choose that particular song to sing?" While most of my mission I felt was spent wandering aimlessly, this was a time when I knew God had intervened. And he did it through a song.

Do you have a favorite hymn? Which is it and why?

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

A (daily) conversation with my alarm clock

AC: Good morning!

ME: . . .

AC: Rise and shine!

ME: . . .

AC: Get up sleepy-head!

ME: . . .

AC: Hmmm. . . Non-responsive as usual. I guess I'll have to beep even more loudly and annoyingly. BEEP!

ME: huh?

AC: Success! One more eardrum-piercing beep ought to do the trick. BEEP!

ME: (reaches threateningly toward AC)

AC: NOT AGAIN! PLEASE! NOT THE SNOOZE BUTTON!!!

ME: (hits snooze button)

AC: . . .

ME: zzzzzzzzzz