My day

.. assalamalikum everyone,

so yesterday I was sat in the office of one of the higher ppl in work waiting to ask her a question, then the subject turns to religion, one of the guys in the office in Cuban so she asks him, then asks me if Im catholic or christian? I say no, Im muslim... hee hee... she just looks at me and goes, no youre not.. I smile and i say I am. So shes like oh ok then... so alhamdulillah one more person told..

Well we got a new student today, one of the guys was showing her around today, her names Fatimah masha'allah... and shes a hijabi masha'allah... Ive been makin duaa for a muslim to start at work, alhamdulillah here she is. She looked east asian or something I think, and she seemed oldish.. well mother age at least.. but alhamdulillah there she is.

So I havent read that much of the book I mentioned.. on chapter 4, apparently it gets better after this chapter. Although I was surprised to realise that it is actually written by a woman. The author name says Ruqayyah Waris Maqsood.. it could be a pen name, but im hopeless with those types of names and determinin the sex. Anyways.. I feel better at knowing that this woman has been through the motions of bein a muslim wife alhamdulilah and I feel more alert when i actually read it now cause there might be some useful things in there.

Well, Im off to read more and carry on with my sewing... insha'allah Ill show you all soon... then get the orders comin in

Im in pain

well I had my bottom 2 wisdom teeth took out thursday, as i said underneath... subhanallah I couldnt believe how massive they are, God only knows where i store these things. I was gonna take a pic and post it here.. but im not too sure if that woudl be appreciated... lemme know if you wanna see. So at the moment, Ive got hamster cheeks, mum says i look like ive got the mumps. Insha'allah it will go soon, apparently they popped out, I was told they would cut them in half cause they were impacted.. but they didnt even have to do that. And they never stitched me up either.. dunno if thats good or not, apparently im better than my mum was when she had hers out.. but that was centuries.. no sorry, decades ago only joking... Theyve put my on penicillin and tylenol with codeine... i aint takin the painkillers unless i need to... i dont like taking em for anything really.. even my painful womens problems, Im a tough 'un hee hee.. but i gotta take the antibiotics until they are finished.. which isnt long really.

So I started back at college today, man it was hard... think cause of the drugs and pain i wasnt totally focused... insha'allah things will be better next week, I do seriously have to do some work on that though insha'allah.. and it was only reviewing stuff today. It was good to see my old classmates though, although there werent as many there today that should have been, insha'allah there will be more next week.

What else is there to say?? Im sure i had something else to say... lets see, teeth, college, oh yeh... insha'allah u will all be pleased to know that ive learnt the final sentence of the surah i was learning.... alhamdulillah, so now i can add surah Al-Kauther to my knowledge of the quran alhamdulillah. Now have to find another one.. and the rest seem so much longer than the 3 i know... make duaa for me that the next one will come easy. I want one that means something... not that they dont mean anything, I mean something that has a higher meaning to it.. Oh forget that, I really dont know how to put it into words... insha'allah you understand my meaning and noone takes offence from this...

Anyways... I gotta do some more reading of my book.. ok, I dont got to, I want to.. hee hee, my english has gone terrible since coming to canada.. but alhamdulillah I still have my accent... that wont be leavin me insha'allah.

Fi amenallah, your sister in Islam

Get ready...

....I have a feeling this is gonna be a long one...

Sorry its been so long since i last wrote, insha'allah this entry finds you all in the best of health and iman.. So I had a panic this morning, I woke up to pray fajr only to realise I couldnt remember the last line of surah al-nas.. subhanallah, I was nearly crying with frustration. I could remember the first half of the last line.. then my memory went blank. Alhamdulillah when i got home this evening i remembered to look it up and used it for praying asr when i realised the ending... It was weird.. I felt so lost with only 1 full surah to recite.. yes i still havent remembered the last line of the surah i mentioned i was learning... its the 'and he who hates you, he will be cut off' its sooo long... Insha'allah ill do it by the end of the week.

I got an email today from my cousin back home with some shocking news... my half sister is 4 months pregnant, i know i say i havent got any siblings.. cause i dont really count them as my family, these are my dads kids from after he left us... I think i should fill u all in on a few things... my mum & dad divorced when i was like 1 1/2yrs old.. i dont ever remember him being there, which i think is a good thing.. and from the things hes done to me in the past im glad of this alhamdulillah.. he went on to have 3 more kids and i dont really get on with any of them... ive tried to patch things up with my dad, given him numerous opportunities... and all of them have blown up in my face.. he just isnt an emotional person and doesnt know how to show the slightest emotion towards me.. i havent spoken to him since june, he has email and knows my number.. I can understand him being wary of phonin cause my mum might pick up the phone... but thats his choice... Apparently he isnt pleased with the newcomer.. thats what my cousin says anyway... i can imagine, insha'allah this baby will be brought up in a better environment, Allah alim...

I was up-to-date with my work, then this was noticed.. so they gave me loads more to do... it was ok last week, cause i couldn't pray so was ok with gettin the extra hours for some time i have to take off on thursday... Im getting my other 2 wisdom teeth out... which im not too pleased about.. its gettin done at the dentist which will be a change (havent done that since i was a kid) Im just worried about the way they do things... Nitrous oxide... 2 injections... suppose thats my biggest worry but also, when i was a kid they gave u gas to knock u out then shoved the needle in ya.. now im gonna feel it... ooh.. ok, less talk abotu that, Im gettin nervous now..

Also, got my passport back alhamdulilah... now i can go home or to the USA with one of my good friends when she visits there... she goes to this massive muslim community with loads of islamic shops and hijabis everywhere masha'allah...

Anyways, best go pick it up.... insha'allah ill write soon.. Fi amenallah

Islamic sayings

Occasion What to say and its meaning When Meeting someone Greet them by saying Salam Alaikum wa Rahmat Allah he wa Barakato hu Peace blessings and mercy of Allah be upon you When greeted reply by saying Wa Alaikum Salam wa Rahmat Allah he wa Barakato hu And upon you too Peace blessings and mercy of Allah When starting to do something say Bism-illah ir Rahman ir Rahim In the name of Allah the beneficent, The merciful When intending to do something in future say Insha-Allah God willing When in pain and distress say Ya-Allah O-Allah When expressing appreciation say Masha-Allah As Allah willed When thanking someone say Jazak-Allah Khayran May Allah recompense you When awakening from sleep say La-ilaha-illallah There is no God except Allah When thanking Allah or When sneezing say Alhamdu-lillah All praise to Allah When someone else sneezes say Yar-Hamuk-Allah May Allah have mercy on you When someone supplicates say Ameen Please Reply When taking oath say Wallah By Allah When repenting of a sin say Astagh-Firullah May Allah forgive When you see another Muslim laughing say Adha kal laa ho sinaka May Allah make you laugh as long as you live When you see something surprising or astonishing say Subhan Allah Glory to Allah When death message or bad news is received say Inna-Lillahi-wa- inna-ilaihi Raji-oun To Allah we belong and to him is our return

Feeling better

Assalamalikum everyone..

ok, so im feeling better with myself today alhamdulillah. I spoke with a good friend of mine from school, we did alot of growing up together and she knows me better than I know myself sometimes alhamdulillah. She asked me about the usual stuff that she knows affects me in my life, my dad, my Islam and telling my mum, my silly useless (mostly) friends back home. Shes always makes me cry when i hear her voice, but she always makes me feel better and loved when I get off the phone from her. May Allah (swt) show her the right path and grant her Jennah.

So what else have i done since i last wrote? Well I went to look at an apartment last night with my mum.. it was very downtown toronto, very busy and streamin with ppl, i dont think it would b a good place to practise my deen properly.. plus i found out that there is actually 2 bedrooms there, I thought the woman i was in contact with would be the other roomie.. so i wasnt too fussed that my mum didnt like it. There was brown shag pile carpet in there, that looked like it hadnt been changed or cleaned since the 70s... So insha'allah im going looking at more next sunday and mums coming with me... so she can see them all... ive already been to 2 places that i want to show her... and i like em, just a matter of what she likes. I actually saw a place in the magazine for a room in a place, QEW & winston churchill... which is right by the ISNA masjid which would be really nice insha'allah....

What else can i tell you all?? erm.... i dont think much else really.. other than I really want to tell my mum now... does anyone have any suggestions?? Mayb stories of how telling their parents of their reversion went... anything would be helpful insha'allah.

Ok, so thats enough from me for now... insha'allah Ill write soon.. take care... Fi amenallah

Bad day

assalamalikum everyone,

well today is sunday, I was supposed to be looking at apartments today but the person i was supposed to be goin with is busy, after i made an appointment with someone. So I told my mum and she went off on one sayin i never told her i was goin to look at some, when she knew but just made plans over mine.. so i told her, next sunday im looking at places and she was like.. so dya want me to come? erm.. of course, other wise i wouldnt tell you. So insha'allah ill find somewhere 'nice' that she approves of, cause she says she isnt going to let me move into a rough place.. erm, would i want to?

What else? well I went to Canadas wonderland yesterday with my friend, she loved the hand painted hijab as much as i hoped she would, and the little sewing i did for her (check out my craft projects picture) Had a fun time.. didnt get on alot of rides, cause the place was heaving.. it was soo busy it was unbelievable. Insha'allah im goin next weekend again, I got a season pass... $60 for the rest of this season and all of next season too which includes muslim day too insha'allah so I can go there. Yeh!! I also picked up off my friend 2 abayas that i bought from simply stylish designs masha'allah shes a good sis, and a good sewer... I was so impressed with the work, my friend was too.. so I passed her details on. Insha'allah she will get more work from her designs... Im gonna tell her in an email soon how much i luv em, although she'll prob read this before i do, if so.. jazakallah sis...

So my mums gone out now... I really do try not to get her angry, but sometimes she hears & sees things she wants to. She starts shouting, and when i try to calm her down by just sayin ok.. that seems to make her worse. Its soo confusing for me, I reckon u are all thinking.. she shouts at u?? How old are u?? yes i know.. im 24.. i shouldnt let her rule my life the way she does.... and i really dont know why i do it. I dont know whether its the guilt i feel i carry for my father leaving, or mayb cause its always been me & her, but now she has her own life.. but she still wont let me lead mine. It hurts so much sometimes, more than ppl can understand... my sisters tell me they understand, but they really dont.. unless they have been in the situation were their parent refuses to accept anything 'non-white' were they feel i am an embarassement to them because i dont show off my skin or shape in tight clothes.. even though my mum finds it completely normal to walk around in shorts and a tank top, why shoudlnt i? u know the old thing.. youve got it, why not flaunt it?? Subhanallah... Ive been muslim for nearly 2 yrs now, and i still cant tell my mum, I know leavin it longer is makin it worse. She believes i was following the herd at university.. that i shouldnt b a sheep, yet she wants me to follow what the family think..erm.. isnt that sheep behaviour too?? Do you think it woudl b better to tell her ive just converted? That im thinking about converting? rather than tell her ive done it? Im not too sure... she hates lying... but isnt what im doin lying? Not tellin her the truth at least..

well anyway, I really dont think im in the best of moods to be writing anything like this to u all. Insha'allah ill go for now and hope im in a better mood when i next write.

Fi amenallah

My day......

....was boring as usual.. well stressful yet quiet, hmm can those two words be in the same sentence?? Pretty depressing too actually, on the way to work all the news was about hurricane Katrina.. subhanallah, so many people dead, homeless, stranded.. I know Allah (swt) has his plan but that doesnt mean we should stop making duaa for the ppl there. I heard a guy being interviewed from there, he had rescued and elderly couple from their VW, surrounded by water and alligators. Subhanallah the courage Allah (swt) has given that man, unbelieveable... and to not even think of himself, insha'allah he will be rewarded... he said that his truck was filling up with water and he could see the gators waiting for them to die.

So, off that subject... what else is new?? erm.. well petrol prices are disgusting here.. dunno about the rest of the world... $1.049 I paid today.. there is an email goin around tryin to get the whole of canada & america to not buy petrol tomorrow. I dont see how it will help things, but i heard on the radio (I listen to alot of radio, lol.. when im driving long distances, my nasheeds sometimes relax me too much, so I listen to the news).. they said that the companies who own the petrol stations seem to be using this natural disaster as an excuse... subhanallah.. what all these ppl are going through and ppl just wanna make money..

So Ramadan is coming up soon... insha'allah by then Ill be in my own place and wont have to worry about my fastings insha'allah. Alhamdulillah this will be my 3rd Ramadan, Allah (swt) has made fasting easy for me, when I went through my first one I was so worried that I would faint in lectures or something, and sometimes I felt like that... sisters if this is your first Ramadan.. i strongly advise you to wake up for subhoor... it helped me a lot.. and I noticed that when i didnt wake up for it, I felt so groggy and uncooperative, which isnt good in the last year of uni. Plus.. if you read my other post for today about fajr.. well you have the advantage of being up for fajr too.. no missing your prayers insha'allah. I love praying fajr... I feel so peaceful and relaxed afterwards.. and I can totally concentrate more cause Im not thinking and listening for whos where in the house, everyone is asleep hee hee. I have some things to post for Ramadan when it gets closer insha'allah...

Anyways, thats enough from me for now.. insha'allah you will comment if you feel the need.. u know where I am if you want me.

Fi Amenallah,

your sister in Islam

assalamalikum sisters,

insha'allah this blog finds you all in the best of health and iman.. so what have I been up to?? Not much really... Working, as usual, I really have to sit down and send off some c.v.s somewhere cause this job is really wearing me down. I need to find a place too.. insha'allah im looking at some this weekend.. insha'allah i find one soon... cause i need my own space!!! Does anyone else feel like this with their parents?? Subhanallah, I luv my mum to pieces, but she just cant leave me alone.

So Ive got a busy few weeks planned.. insha'allah on saturday Im going to Canadas wonderland on saturday with one of my bessie mates over here which should be fun!! She has a few things for me to pick up, some books and stuff insha'allah so looking forward to that. Then sunday insha'allah go and see some apartments, monday is bank holiday Wahey!!! Then next weekend... insha'allah go to wonderland again (gonna get a season ticket, there i can definately go to muslim day next year insha'allah) then sunday might pop down to niagara to see my mums friends.. theres a nike outlet down there.. so might look for some new trainers too..

Also ive decided.. that starting now.. Im gonna do something islamic every week insha'allah.. this wk Im learning a new surah.. Al-Kauthar- a river in paradise.. I know the english alhamdulillah, so the next task is the arabic insha'allah... so make duaa that i sort this out by the end of the week... I wanna know more surahs to choose from in my salah, especially for Ramadan insha'allah.

Well thats enough from me for now.. Im sure i wanted to say more, I was thinking of what to write on my way home... well I did mainly what i wanted to do and that was post the photos... check out the crafts projects on my pictures... I made this cross stitch for a special sis of mine alhamdulillah... I love the design and Im so proud of it, insha'allah ill make more. And the pic on my profile, the new one in dark blue hijab.. I dunno if you can see it properly, but its hand painted masha'allah soo pretty and a bargain at $8 alhamdulillah.

Fi amenallah

Your sister in Islam

assalamalikum sisters,

so a new day over with.. what news do i have today? hmm.. I reckon you are all getting bored of my day accounts, so gonna chill a little after this i think. So when i went to wonderland on saturday towards the end of the evening the topic was brought up about some sikh kids and my friends religion (hindu) she was asked if she could marry a white guy, you know the usual questions. One thing she distisgushed was that she couldnt marry a muslim... Id heard that before so it wasnt anything new there. Then someone else mentioned she though that she was muslim not hindu, then commented that i was... but it was said so quietly i didnt think anyone had heard. So today the hindu girl came up to me.. looking like she wanted to say something, so i asked her if she wanted me she was like.. erm yeh, looked really uncomfortable.. so she goes, you know on saturday when i mentioned that i couldnt marry a muslim, well u didnt take offence did you? I was like.. why woudl i take offence.. I aint asking you to marry me. And she was like well u already knew that didnt u, I agreed cause like i said before, I did... but alhamdulillah someone else knows im muslim in work just wondering if the other couple that was with us know now too... I always feel better when ppl know cause then i feel like i can be my own person.. dya know?!

Well thats about all thats happened in my day, still havent heard from the job yet... dont think anyone has faith in me or anyone else in my house. I heard my mum on the phone last night telling her husband that she didnt think i had gotten it... she was like.. well they told her they would get back to her in the next few wks, which ended on friday just gone.. and its the government for heavens sake... its not like they will never reply and just pretend I dont exist. Insha'allah i get this job... I really really want it, it sounds so perfect for me, and its in the middle of toronto too... close to an islamic bookshop.. and closer to variety.

Anyways, Ive just got home and I have to pray Asr... insha'allah ill chat to you all soon...

Fi amenallah, your sister in Islam forever insha'allah

Assalamalikum sisters,

back again... been busy all weekend. Went to Canadas wonderland on Saturday, didnt get home till 9pm... so tired.. then today Ive been at a CPR course for St. Johns... passed that and got myself a pretty little certificate with it alhamdulillah. So thats good.

Was on my way to the centre this morning and got pulled up for speeding... naughty me, 67km/hr in a 40 zone... hang my head in shame... I prayed that they wouldnt put points on my license, alhamdulillah, thanks to the power of Allah (swt) she took the speed down to 55, no points, and just over $50 fine... I was so thankful for that.. and i made duaa all the way to the centre.

On my way home, I hadnt prayed Dhuhr cause theres nowhere near the centre.. so I went to the big ISNA masjid & school they havent been open lately outside prayer times cause ppl keep stealing the donations. So i got there and it had just opened alhamdulillah. So I prayed my 2 rakaats for thanking Allah (swt) for giving my the time, place and ability to pray there... prayed Dhuhr and got to pray Asr in congregation too alhamdulillah.. there werent as many people there as there usually is but alhamdulillah I got to do it.

Well... I think thats enough for now, just found out my bank at home have cancelled my cards and my bank account cause one letter got returned to sender... subhanallah.. so insha'allah Ill be able to sort that out soon.

Make duaa for me sisters, insha'allah Ill hear back from the job interview at the Centre of Forensic Sciences this week.... jazakallah

Fi amenallah

Keep in touch, luv you all.... your sister in Islam

My reversion story

Salam, so this is an old post off my 360 blog, but Ive decided to write it out for now instead of giving it the date of when I originally posted it. Enjoy
So my story..... you got the time?? It all started when i went to university really.... mayb even before then. I was considering becoming a catholic before I left for uni to give myself a reason for something really. To be honest I cant really remember why i was contemplating it. I remember thinking that cathodicism was a stronger faith than christianity and I needed something stronger. But in the end I didnt and i carried on with my first year at university. So in my second year (2002) I met a guy, a muslim, who said to me once than he really enjoyed my company and that i should seriously think about praying 5 times a day, fasting, giving charity and thinking about things after this life. I remember thinking what does it have to do with him.... then I forgot about it. Although I couldnt completely forget about it, my university was in a predominantly muslim area with many mosques and islamic shops masha'allah.
So when I started my third year working in London it was just the beginning of another year. Until I found out that one of the women I was working with had become muslim herself masha'allah, and I cant really remember when but then I started looking into it more. Especially when she told me things that I couldnt handle. So I looked them up and found out that the things I didnt understand werent actually muslim issues that was when I found out she was an Ahmadiyya muslim, well if you can call them muslims. There are things I really dont agree with in that, so by finding out these strange things I was actually finding out more about Islam.
So I looked more into it on the internet and came across chat rooms and islamic forums... it was here that i met some very good muslims that have helped me on my travels alhamdulillah. I even found a new muslims project near when I was when i went back to uni, so I emailed them to see what they were all about, and they put me in touch with a sister who is very dear to my heart. At first she says she couldnt see us having anything in common, but alhamdulillah she gave me a second chance and we are very good friends now, she was there when i said my shahada (Oct 1st 2003) and has been there for me ever since, even when Im on the other side of the world.
Well, I think thats about it in a nutshell, i would love to say that my deen is growing stronger everyday but unfortunately I cant. I still havent told my mum, for fear of her reaction.... I know I should only fear Allah (swt) but until you have been in the situation....... well insha'allah i will tell her soon, although myself and a few people (including my cousin) believe she already knows she just doesnt want to believe it. Insha'allah things will be sorted soon, because it is killing me keeping the biggest thing in my life from her. But her opinions arent really your everyday open-minded opinions that would make this easy.

My blogging life

It started on August 19th 2005 over on my yahoo 360 blog, here is the first blog I ever made

"Assalamalikum sisters,

So this is the first time Ive ever done anything like this. I wanna do a big blog when I have myself sorted insha'allah and have time to myself, so this is really a try out.

Insha'allah it goes ok and i can keep up with things. Im not really a tell everything kind of person.. Ive always kept things close to myself and even though i get moaned at for being laid back i do tend to carry too much on my shoulders... maybe this will make me feel better and help me to get things out in the open insha'allah.

I promise sisters to keep this as halal as I can, to not back bite about my family, my sisters, talk about horrible issues that will get me worked up. But please be patient with me, and if you find something offensive, please let me know privately... no-one likes to be embarassed in front of friends. k? Jazakallah.

Well thats enough for now I think... Im a little busy this weekend but insha'allah Ill find something to talk about.

Fi amenallah, Your sister in Islam"