So much

It’s been a long time since I’ve written. Usually I don’t write because I don’t have much to say. Lately, I’ve not been writing because I just don’t know where to start.

This is my last semester at BAICA. The last 2 months of my nearly 2 years of living abroad. I’ve changed so much… for the better. I’ve absolutely loved my time here; I’m so glad the Lord brought me here. I’ve grown up- learned how to be an adult. 

I have been living with 5 roommates who I’ve grown to love dearly. I’ve shared a living space with one of them, and she’s become one of my closest friends… even though we’re so, so different. I’ve watched one fall in love, and start to plan her life with the person she’s chosen. I’ve gone on a trip with one, who, if I’m honest, I would have never hung around in any other circumstances. We’re so different… but I think we have a lot to learn from one another. I’ve prayed with another about our futures… and shared with her struggles I’ve been facing these past few years… struggles she can identify with because she’s been going through the same thing. I've been contemplating futures with another: we're in the same place- both moving back at the same time... both unsure of what lies ahead. Living with 5 people is HARD. Sometimes I feel like I'm married to 5 women, and let me just say, I do not know how some of the Mormons do it; I would not wish that on anyone. ;) I wouldn't have changed the living situation these past few years for anything. Living so closely with people is sanctifying: it brings out your junk. I've learned that, even though I'm definitely an extrovert and LOVE to be with people, even I need time alone. I've learned that I can be really judgmental, and that many of my opinions are/were not a product of knowing Biblical truth, but rather a product of the environment I grew up in. I've learned that I LOVE being a small-town Southern girl... but that I also don't despise Yankees and mid-westerners, and other such people not from the South, as much as I once thought. People are people no matter where they're from. Differences show the creativity of the Lord, and that is so sweet.

When I arrived, I had only cooked sporadically. In college I lived on cheesy (instant) mashed potatoes, chicken and cheese quesadillas, ham and cheese or peanut butter and grape jelly sandwiches. O, and Chick-fil-A, Pizza Hut, and the occasional Burger King. I knew how to cook a few normal things: rice krispie treats, macaroni and cheese, noodles. and Hamburger Helper. I could make a cake from a box and it tasted good. I enjoyed cooking and baking, or what I knew of them. Now, I LOVE to cook and bake. I LOVE the look on someone's face as they taste something I've made... and enjoy it. I've learned how to REALLY cook with REAL FOOD. (confession: when I moved here I didn't even realize people made cakes NOT from boxes... I know.. I'm an idiot...haha). I love how eating together draws out conversation and forms bonds watching television just can't compete with. I love eating new foods I've never tried, realizing that the world of food is much broader than I ever imagined. 

I arrived here only a teacher  because a piece of paper declared I was. Now, I have two years of experience and a lot more to learn, but I AM a teacher. I have taught. I know that I know what I'm doing (some days). I've chosen a profession that is incredibly rewarding. I've fallen more in love with my students than I've ever thought possible. My heart bursts with love for children I have no relation to, and I can't imagine having not met them.

I arrived here a speaker of one language, and now I can proudly claim two.

I arrived here a product of one culture, and now I can't imagine my life without "besitos" and "mate", "emapanadas" and straws with bottled soda.

I arrived here with my heart intact... and now I'm afraid I'm about to leave part of it behind... in this place I had never visited before I moved here.

I arrived here a proud American... and while I will leave still thankful of my home country, I now understand how unimportant worldly citizenship is in relation to the Gospel of Christ.

I arrived here not knowing what these years would bring... and I leave knowing I am taking so much more than what I brought with me.

Trusting is always scary, but thankfully the ONE in whom we put our trust is Worthy. I'm so so glad I took that leap of faith.

not enough

Not pretty enough.

Not smart enough.

Not strong enough.

Not happy enough.

Not kind enough.

Not vulnerable enough.

Not perfect enough.

Not funny enough.

Not good enough;

Not enough.

Enough!

 

 

We all have it- the "good enough" perfect version of ourselves that shadows us daily. Mine gets up at 5am every morning (even if she's sick or exhausted), goes to the gym, cooks/eats a nutritious breakfast, and doesn't ever need coffee(she drinks hot green tea instead). She never misses time with Jesus. She ALWAYS showers and washes her hair twice (because once isn't good enough). Her hair always looks perfect and her teeth are a perfect shade of white. Her clothes are stylish and perfectly laundered. Her feet NEVER smell. The rugs in her house are always freshly vacuumed and she never has dirty dishes in the sink. There's always a genuine smile on her face- she's happy to see everyone. Her lesson plans are always made a week in advance and she grades like clockwork on Fridays. Her meals are always healthy; she never splurges on a soda. She's never tired or grumpy, she's the first to volunteer. Her teaching's never sloppy, her students are always engaged. She finds time to help her parents and her siblings every day. She never watches TV or plays on her phone. She always sings perfectly on key. She never complains or gossips, but rather encourages and continuously points friends and strangers to Jesus with her words and actions. She realizes she's single because it's what's best for her right now and never cries herself to sleep because she's tired of being alone. She trusts Christ 100% and never questions his Sovereignty. She doesn't curse in the car when people cut her off, but instead gives them grace and prays blessings over their day.

Phew. Who is this person? I don't like her. She may be "good enough" but she is for sure not REAL enough. Thank you God for making us imperfect. How boring and predictable would life be if it were as candy-coated and sunshiny as all of our ideal selves. Thank You for giving me insecurities and weaknesses, because at the end of the day, these are the things that remind me of my need for You. These are the things that show me I can't do even the smallest things on my own. These are the things that you show me Grace through. These are the ways you show Grace through me. If I were anything enough I wouldn't need you.

Not pretty enough. - You ARE Beauty.

Not smart enough.  - You ARE Wisdom.

Not strong enough. - You ARE Strength.

Not happy enough. - You ARE Joy.

Not kind enough. - You ARE Kindness.

Not perfect enough. - You ARE Perfection.

Not funny enough. - You ARE the Creator of Humor (if you don't believe that, look at all the weird animals--- seriously- those glow-in-the-dark-fish? what ARE those?).

Not good enough; - You ARE Good.

Not enough. - You ARE ENOUGH.

 



Long time coming

It's been a really long time since I've blogged. It's been a long time since I've written anything except for lesson plans and text messages really. I just haven't made myself reflect on life. I haven't slowed down, or given myself space and time to breathe. In 2014 I will do just that.

I've been so busy these past few years. I've been back in the States for 19 months. I moved in with my parents and got a job teaching 1st grade at a bilingual school over an hour away from my house. The first 6 months of being home were by far the hardest 6 months of my life. I felt like I had somehow regressed: moving home made me feel like a child (even though my parents are AWESOME and super supportive). The commute was annoying. I worked in a school system and school who were much less relaxed than my previous school. I had 48 6-year old students rather than 14 8 year old students. I jumped right back into life like I hadn't even left.

In a way, being treated like you'd never been gone was awesome, but in a way it invalidated the time I was away. I had changed and grown, and I wasn't sure exactly how to fit myself back into the life I had left. I cried almost every single day. I couldn't adjust to living at home- and not living with my best friends. I couldn't get over the fast-paced American lifestyle. I no longer felt at home; I mourned the life I'd left and wondered if I'd made a mistake in returning. I missed who I'd become and was angry at myself for not being as happy at being back as I felt everyone wanted me to be. I was so excited to be involved closely in the life of my family but was sad to leave my new family as well.

I vividly remember driving home one day on 85... after a rough day... and praying to the Lord. I was asking him to show me if I needed to move to Charlotte, or stay in Lincolnton. I was feeling like I was suffocating. I was lonely and tired and sad and didn't know what to do. I turned on the radio and Phillip Phillip's song "Home" came on. I had never heard it... but the lyrics brought me to tears:

 

Hold on, to me as we go
As we roll down this unfamiliar road
And although this wave (wave) is stringing us along
Just know you're not alone
Cause I'm gonna make this place your home

Settle down, it'll all be clear
Don't pay no mind to the demons
They fill you with fear
The trouble it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found

Just know you're not alone
Cause I'm gonna make this place your home

I knew then that I would be in Lincolnton for a while, and that he would make me feel at home again.

After 6 months of teaching 1st grade in the "big city",circumstances led me to look for a job back in Lincolnton and I decided to take an offer to teach high school Spanish. I started last February at Lincolnton High School and absolutely fell in love with it. The Lord is good and gracious and knows where he's taking us. I have since adjusted well to teaching HS, and love loving on the older kids. Teaching a language also gives me an opportunity to bring what I know about Latin culture to my classroom, and not lose the person I became while overseas. I get to keep up my Spanish while encouraging students to pursue their dreams and expand their worlds (while hopefully showing them they are loved- and not just by me).

I moved out of my parents' house about 5 months ago and am living with my best friend. I'm working with the children's ministry at my church, singing on the praise team, and working to be more healthy. The Lord has brought many great friends into my life these past 19 months and I'm feeling more at home than I could every imagine. I'm trusting in the Lord for his timing with other things in my life, and although it's hard, I'm slowly beginning to believe that he knows what's good for me.

Thankful

I know, I know... blogging three days in a row??!! What has gotten into me!!?? I don't know, but I like it.

I am thankful for many things. Some serious, some silly. Here are my lists (if I were cooler, and had a faster computer, I would add pictures to these... sadly, I'm not). hehe

Serious list of reasons to be thankful:

1. Jesus: He chose me- and YOU! He loves me no matter what. He loves me even when my actions say I don't love him. His Love is unconditional. Many times that overwhelms me.
2. Family: I love my family. My mom, dad, sister, brother, puppy, grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, you name it... I love them. I have been blessed with an amazing family (even though they're sometimes insane. ;) )
3. Friends: This is obvious. I love my friends. My old friends (in age, and in time being friends), my young friends (in age and in time being friends), my American friends, my Argentine friends, my wherever else friends... all of them. I love friends. <3
4. Opportunity: I have been blessed with the opportunity to do so much: see the world, spread my wings. If I had had a different life, this wouldn't have been possible.
5. Roots: I'm thankful for Lincolnton, Freedom Church, and everything that has defined me growing up. I love my hometown. I love being Southern. I LOVE having roots.
6. Wings: I have a love/hate relationship with not knowing where God's gonna take me. On the one hand.. I love it... because it is teaching me to completely trust in Christ... and on the other hand I hate it for the same reason. Absolute trust is so hard! But it's so worth it!Thank the Lord for giving me wings and teaching them how to use them-knowing he'll catch me if I fall. Knowing that sometimes, falling taught me more than flying.

Silly list of reasons to be thankful

(in no particular order)

1. Catalina dressing (let's face it, it makes pretty much everything taste better)
2. fun accessories (read: rings, scarves, earrings, necklaces, pocketbooks etc.. the cuter/cheaper, the better!)
3. Pinterest (a crafter/teacher/wannabe wife/mother's dream!)
4. the color green (it matches my eyes, and I like it)
5. singing in the shower/car/ anywhere (it's probably my favorite thing to do; I couldn't live without it)
6. painting my nails/toenails (this alone makes me feel pretty)
7. mascara (I love mascara...)
8. vanilla flavoring (you can put it in casi-anything!)
9. cheerwine/tea/sundrop (notice how I didn't put "sweet" or "iced" in front of the "tea". where I come from, that's understood) :)
10. glitter and all things that sparkle (without them, life would be dull- pun intended!)

Things previously taken for granted, but now I recognize the need to be thankful for them:

(long title, I know, go with it.. some are serious, some are silly)

1. Running water (we have gone a little over a week-at most- without water at our house.. and it was awful. It was humbling after only a week... I now feel like I shouldn't complain about anything!)
2. Heat and A/C
3. cheap vegetables (they're so cheap here!)
4. car (it's a 20 minute walk to our closest large grocery store)
5. English (... oooo.. "what's the word for "parsley" in Spanish?".. hahaha)
6. quick check-out at the grocery store (I will never complain about Food Lion being slow AGAIN)
7. ooo self-checkout :)
8. Wal-mart (even though I totally agree they take away from the small business owner.. I can still find everything I need in one place!)
9. laminator (o goodness. I salivate just thinking about laminators)
10. butcher paper (saves a million years on bulletin boards)
11. learning to cook in a country with few pre-packaged things (this means I'm REALLY learning how to cook)
12. Argentine co-workers who are patient, kind, and AMAZING
13. Students who tolerate my sillyness, forgetfulness, and ridiculousness.
14. Roomies like the above. :) (and AMAZING roomies)
15. Close proximity to an Old Navy
16. High-quality shoes (in US)
17. High-quality meat (Argentina)
18. good chocolate (US)
19. Skype

I'm sure there are more.. but I'm tired. Love you all! Happy Thanksgiving!! <3

(Belated) Halloween Post

Most of you know that I LOVE holidays. For many reasons: dressing up, decorating, baking, fun school activities, parties, tradition.. anything and everything. I just LOVE them. I'm not even sure which holiday is my favorite. Probably Christmas, just because it's so huge for my faith... and huge for my family. And then, they're probably all tied. I love New Year's because generally I get to get cute and do something fun (like go to a masquerade party-even though that was kinda a bust the year before last.. hahaha), and there's usually lots of glitter, loud noises, and people. I love Valentine's Day because there's chocolate, talk of love (most of the time I'm okay with this... I LOVE LOVE), sprinkles, hearts, pink, ribbon, you get the picture. I love Easter because 1)it's the celebration of the resurrection of my SAVIOR, 2) there are pretty colors, 3) there are bunnies and chicks, 4) kids look ADORABLE at church, 5) I get to wear an Easter outfit. I love Independence Day because it's at the lake with my lovely family and there are fireworks and hotdogs! I love my birthday because it's my birthday and I can do pretty much whatever I want. :) Plus, it's in the summer. I love Thanksgiving because.. well.. actually I've only recently decided that I re-love Thanksgiving. I used to love it because it was when we went to the Outerbanks with my Mom's side of the family. It was my favorite holiday, actually. But, I'll explain that at another time, that's not what this blog's about.

Anyway.. you get it, right? I LOVE holidays.

Did I miss one? One of the major ones?

"O yeah", you're probably thinking. "Halloween, that's the name of this post... what does she think about Halloween?" Or maybe you're not thinking that at all... maybe you don't care what I think about it. haha. Regardless, I'm going to assume that you care, because, after all, this is my blog, and you ARE reading it.....

So, Halloween. What do I think? Well, before we go into what I NOW think, after being abroad for a while.. let's talk about where I come from, and what most of them think of Halloween:

I'm from a small town in the suburbs of Charlotte, NC. I've gone to church my entire life (began as Methodist, then changed to Southern Baptist, and am currently a member at Freedom Church- a "half-Southern Baptist"... we  are kind of affiliated with the SBC, but act like a non-demoninational church). All that to say that I've grown up around church-goers, and have been a Christian since my early pre-teen years.

Through all of that I've never gotten a vibe that Halloween is "bad" or "of the Devil". NEVER. Now, of course we were not ignorant of the fact that stupid people do stupid things on Halloween (just like every other day of the year). This is the reason our churches always had "fall festivals", to give kids safe options of things to do (and keep them from the scary people that supposedly put razors in kids' candies... AWFUL). So, I always dressed up for Halloween, always went to "Fall Festivals" or "Trunk-Or-Treat". Most of the time I dressed up something fun and cute (i.e. cheerleader, pumpkin, clown, bunny, Cinderella, Snow White, Ariel,etc...), but two times (with a LOT of convincing, mind you), I dressed up as something semi-scary (the Bride of Frankenstein, a witch). Now, my Grandmother loved/loves Jesus more than anyone I've ever known.. and she did not mind me dressing up as a witch... and neither did anyone I knew... so it never even crossed my mind that it was a "bad" or "taboo" thing to do in the church. I always hung out with church people on Halloween. I was never exposed to scary Halloween things at a young age... I never associated Halloween with the Devil or anything occult.

*At the Methodist church I attended when I was younger, we even studied about Halloween. And the only thing I can remember learning was that it wasn't BAD, that it started as as a celebration of the Harvest, and it was on November 1st, All Hallows Day, I think? *

I had GREAT experiences with Halloween. I LOVED Halloween (for all of the reasons stated above). It was just another time to have fun for the heck of tradition. I didn't really know others thought differently, that is, until last Halloween.

I've been going to a Baptist church here. Now, it's Baptist according to Argentines. But, if I were to categorize it into an American denomination, I would say Pentecostal (simply because they're charasmatic... a lot more than the Baptist church I know... ). Anyway, I've gone to this church for about a year and a half, and I really like it. But, about a year ago, a little before Halloween, I saw the below pamphlets:

It says, "Seven reasons to not celebrate Halloween". Now, before I read this.. I got REALLY excited. I hadn't seen anything Halloween-related, and thought that this was a "Finding the Gospel in Halloween" tract. I was wrong. There are things written in there like, "It's demonic", "It's sagrilegious", and a lot of other things I thought were silly (at the time). I was REALLY sad. Okay, I was REALLY sad, AND I thought it was hilairious. Just the different perspectives. And then I found out one of my roomies is also not on the side of Halloween. And apparently most of my other roomies knew the "real" meaning behind it ("real" meaning "bad"). So, after a few discussions with them that made me feel ignorant and worldly, I decided to find out for myself. What is the REAL meaning of Halloween?

While searching, I found a relevant article on Relevant Magazine's website (my friend Kris would appreciate the pun..hehe). You should read it. It's an AMAZING article. Here's an excerpt from the end, which basically sums it up:

"As with many of our traditions, it’s worth taking the time to look back and wonder, “Where did this come from?” Halloween is no exception. And, like many of our holidays, it can be misused, abused and downright non-Christian. But using the time to have some fun with friends and give kids some candy? That seems like a pretty Christian thing to do. Just don’t give the kids a tract instead of candy. That's just mean."

Now, this article did not address Halloween in culture's other than the US. I think it's worth thinking about. If this culture that I'm in sees Halloween as "demonic" and "sacrilegious", should I flaunt my freedom in Christ by celebrating it, because I am not convicted? No. In fact, if I were to live here permanently, I would probably not celebrate it (in public) simply to keep from confusing non-Believers and Believers alike. Become like a Gentile to save the Gentiles, and like a Jew to save the Jews. Follow Paul's advice.

So, will I continue to have fun on Halloween? YES! Do I think my church is ignorant? NO! Cultural context and personal convictions mean a lot. Do I think we should know about the origin of our holidays? Of course! You decide what YOU think. :) Me, I'll carve my jack-o-lantern.

________________________________________________________________
Just to prove to you that I haven't given up on Halloween.. I will show you my Halloween dinner-creation that I made for my roomies. It was DELISH, I promise. :) I call it "Halloween Hamburger Casserole". And of COURSE, I found it on Pinterest. If you love pretty much anything.. you'll love Pinterest.

O, first, this was breakfast the Saturday before Halloween (they're Cake Batter Pancakes with Halloween Sprinkles and Icing instead of Syrup... I know.. healthy, right?).

And here it is: So, this is pretty much just browned hamburger meat, onions, Worchestershire, pepper, salt, cheese, maybe some other spices, but I can't really remember? Onion powder perhaps? And I'm sure garlic salt... I put it pretty much in everything. :) The outside is a quiche wrapper... you can use a normal pie crust or calzone crust. There are two. I put one on the bottom, put in my filling, laid another one on top (with my Jack-O-Lantern face cut out), pinched the sides, created a stem with the cut-outs, painted it with food coloring, and then baked it. :)

 And for those who just want to remember fall and not Halloween: :)

The fun thing about these is that you can fill them with practically anything... shape them into practically anthing, and dye them any color you want! :) LOVE IT!!

Buen provecho! I also made a Halloween parfait... but sadly, I forgot to take pictures of them. (Vanilla ice cream, crushed Oreos, Halloween sprinkles, topped with a Halloween (or Dr.Who) related decoration). I love fun!

4 weeks

Time has flown. I cannot believe it's been exactly16 months since I left Lincolnton, North Carolina to live and teach in Buenos Aires, Argentina. Some days I still can't believe that I really left... God has taken me on such an adventure! Some days I think I could stay here forever... some days I miss home so much it overwhelms me.

God is so faithful. I have such a great group of friends at home, and to be honest, I just didn't think I would ever meet anyone like them. I didn't think I would form strong friendships. I didn't think I would be able to REALLY connect with people so different from myself.

I was wrong.

It's amazing how similar we all are. Regardless of ethnicity, language, culture, age, religion/demonination, preferences, personalities, etc... we are all created in the image of the Living God... and that makes us similar. I've come to realize that people are people, no matter what. Friends can be found everywhere. Not that my friends at home are no longer important to me... or that they aren't irreplacable... they are both important and irreplacable! But, my heart has room for many relationships: forever friends and friends for a season. I am no longer worried about the friendships I have that will only last for this season. Instead, I'm going to embrace them... knowing that the time we have here, this friendship of today, is not going to last forever. If I could pause time and soak up the beauty of some of these precious moments with friends, I would. But, it's natural for paths to only cross for a short while. Roads split. Some of us speed up. Others slow down. Some turn. Some take detours. Some take shortcuts. Life happens- we need only to enjoy the journey.

School has been going well. This year (even though I am NEVER caught up, rarely ahead, and only sometimes completely prepared before the day begins), I feel like I can breathe. Last year I had absolutely no time to do anything but teach and breathe. Breathe in, breathe out. Adjust to the language. Feel out the culture. Try to form relationships. Heck, try to get to the grocery store without getting lost. These were the tasks of the day. Now, I can LIVE, really LIVE. I'm able to spend more time with friends rather than working all of the time (or sleeping.. hahah). I was SO tired for the first year. And now, I'm still tired some, but it's not constant. I've learned how to cook and bake. I exercise more than I ever have (which definitely needs to be more... haha). I eat vegetables (I know, right?). I'm taking piano lessons, tutoring, teaching myself how to crochet (kind of)... haha... TRYING to learn how to effectively teach a student who came to me with zero English or Spanish. It's been a challenge. But I love it. I've learned that I do need time by myself... even though I LOVE people. God has taken me on a lovely (hard) journey. And I wouldn't change it for the world.

I will be visiting the States for Christmas from December 17th-January 11th. I can't wait! Originally, I wasn't planning to visit this Christmas, as I will be returning in June 2012- for the forseeable future, at least. But, due to a HUGE blessing (my grandfather's kindness).. I will get to visit! YAY! Not for as long as it was last year, as I will be traveling with a roommate for a week and a half before school starts again in February. YAY for travel!

Also, Happy almost-Thanksgiving everyone! I'm going on a trip to Iguazu Falls next weekend (the picture at the top of the page is at Iguazu)... so I'll be out of touch! Hope to see everyone when I'm visiting around Christmas. Love you all and thanks so much for all of your support!! <3

Blog changing....

I am an awful blogger. I know, and I'm sorry. I'd like to change that. Per a request of my lovely friend Winter Graham, I am now going to (try to) post everyday happenings and thoughts. Maybe things that I cook, crafts I do, things I do in my class.... MAYBE! I'll also include thoughts that have been floating around in my head, random musings, and things the Lord is teaching me. :) So, cross your fingers and hope this gets more of like a diary- albeit a public one. :)

That is... if I can find my camera charger.... :0!!