keepin it real

I am so in love with this article today...

http://shuttersisters.com/home/2008/12/30/the-courage-to-tell-it-like-it-is.html

"With all of our digital tricks and tools, I can't help but wonder if our idealism isn't sneaking in to tinker a bit, much like a writer using her words to defend herself, her point-of-view or position rather than lay herself bare."

Having said this, I totally believe there is the time and place for a beautiful, touched up, well thought out portait. As a matter of fact, I'm working on some today. But by far my favorite shots are taken in between shots when no one thinks I'm watching--when the lighting is what it is, and when all barriers are dropped and the real individual emerges.

Anyway, this is just something I'm musing about, and that I was so thrilled to see someone touch on today. Are we truly leaving our posterity a record (written and photographic) of our true selves? Is it not the messiness and genuine truth of our lives that it truly beautiful and worthwhile?

Just a thought.

Just a few Christmas thoughts

Here is Lily waking up. I didn't get a shot of her brother, as he was already upstairs checking out the loot.

Here are Alex and Lily opening presants. But we know who the real star of the show is here. Here are the pancakes I made Alex and Lils for breakfast. I only had to add them because I'm never "culinary" like this. I like how they turned out. And they liked them too. Here is Lily eating with the ladel that came with her new kitchen.
Aaaand this is what Lily ate...



And this is what Alex ate. Yah. Pretty much just the whipped cream. But hey, it's Christmas.

That's all for now. I haven't even dumped the pictures from the Canon yet, so more yuletide joy to come...

Santa, if you're listening...

what happens when a 5 year old finds a camera

public service announcement

First of all, let me just say that I love taking pictures. I don't think anyone who has read my blog can dispute that with any kind of leg to stand on.

I have many hobbies, but photography has been one of those true passions these last few years that has allowed me to creatively interpret how I see the world. And I still feel like I am charting new territory for myself all the time. My very favorite thing is to photograph the world the way I see it, through my lens. I love finding new angles, new lighting, and new subjects--and I love to tell a story. This is me. This is why I love photography.

I also love taking photos of people--especially families and children--and documenting the way they interact with each other. It's an eye-opening and awe-inspiring thing to capture the unique way a family loves one another.

And my very favorite (and the reason I started this crazy hobby in the first place) is taking pictures of my kids. I don't have many physical possessions I could live without, but if ANYTHING happened to my hard drive and I lost the pictures of my children, I just don't know if I'd ever get over it. Their entire lives have been painstakingly photographed so their children's children can marvel at their great-great grandmother's photography skills. (just kidding). Actually, they're for me. So I can look back when their 30 and living in my basement and remember why I love them so much.

OK, I'm just rambling now...prolonging the inevitable announcement I must make. This is the thing, I've spent the great bulk (like 100%) of my free time lately working on photography (THAT"S GREAT!), but none of that has been spent on my own children (oh no, that's bad). I was never completely "on board" with starting a photography business...I've kind of had one toe in for a long time now...sometimes charging money...most of the time not charging money. And I've been fine with that. Honestly. The truth is it has been an absolute joy to photograph the families I've worked with. I've loved every minute.

But it's starting to take over my life. Which is GREAT, except that I have kids who don't think it's so great. So the bottom line is, it's time for me to start charging actual money for my services.

Obviously, if you already have an appointment scheduled with me, these prices don't apply (you have to live with the higher ones I quoted you...just kidding). But OK, here goes...

A session with me (about an hour give or take) is $60. This includes a CD of your images which are naked. Meaning I have not added my creative touch to them whatsoever. No touching up, no color boost, no nothin'. But they're all there.

From there you can browse through and pick your favorites, send a list back to me, and I will process them through the "digital darkroom", brighten, boost, and beautify your favorite shots for $5/picture.

From there you can just have them back and print them yourself through one of the places in town, OR you can order through my zenfolio site and get professional quality prints. The choice is yours.

Whew. That's a load off. Don't we all feel better? I know I do.

If you'd like to contact me for an appointment you may do so here:

beka@thebrackens.net

I love you all!

Lily's playlist

This is what Lily's singing this morning...

(to the tune of jingle bells and old mcdonald)

"Tinkerbell, Tinkerbell, Tinker all the way

ee i ee i ooooo...

cha cha cha."

Lucy, you have a lot of catching up to do.

OK, lame title. Sorry.

It was the weekend of Christmas parties...first, the Sullivan party at which I was stuffing myself with too much yummy food to take any pictures, save this one. It's all eatable. All of it. And every bit as big as it looks...maybe bigger. But I've never been one for exaggeration. It's a bit misleading because the kitchen it's sitting in is probably as big as the entire basement in which I now reside, but see Kathryn's head in the background? She's standing right up next to it. That gives you an idea of scale.

Then it was immediately on to Angie's cookie exchange...girls only! There was the normal girl talk consisting of kids, husbands, Christmas shopping, and aphrodisiacs. Though in no particular order or hierarchy of significance. The food was delicious (thanks Dan), but since I was already stuffed, I had the presence of mind to take a few pictures. Ready girls?

Our server

Look at all these cookies! I came home with 7 DOZEN delicious cookies! (which, of course I will benevolently give away to friends and neighbors...*whistle*, *whistle*).

Here's Megan pretending I don't exist.

This is Megan acting like it's Christmas, for crying out loud.
And now for a choppy transition to Sand Hollow. Oh, how is the house coming? I'm so glad you asked!

Here's a window in the basement.

Alex is running through the kitchen, Lily and the dog are sprinting through the family room.

Here's a stack of OUR LUMBER, BABY!

I call it: Large Pile of Dirt with Boys and Canine.

Bird's Eye

Daughter

I said "Show me your teeth!"

Then she said, "Mom, I show you my nose."

That will do for now.

how to get a family of seven to look at you all at the same time...

PEEK-A-BOO!

OK, I cheated a little. But I bet you can't tell who I Photoshopped in.

And those boys did that little pointing thing on their own, and I thought it was awesome.

Don't ask me how they all got so...symmetrical. I guess I just got lucky there. I loved photographing these kids! I'll have to show you some "outtakes" when I'm done. They are hilarious!

it's 8:58

and I'm sitting at my computer blogging.

So what's the big deal, you ask?

What's the BIG DEAL?

It's that I've been here since 8:10...WHEN MY DAUGHTER WENT TO SLEEP!

She's actually TIRED from not having a nap today, which means I'm not in her room right now consoling, persuading, bribing, threatening, or yelling. Nor am I chasing her with a diaper, fetching water, or pretending to be asleep.

I'm blogging. WAHOO!

Oh, and I'm eating a cinnamon-sugar bagel. I think I'll have hot chocolate, too.

With marshmallows.

No more naps for Lily.

recipe for bagels

gather supplies. excitedly ask if anyone wants to make bagels! No response. ask again. hear..."not me" from the peanut gallery. So begin on own. And, of course, right on cue, they will come running once it's time to add flour.

Start counting out cups of four with 5-year old, carefully, conscienciously, and s-l-o-w-l-y.

Lose count. Start over.

finally get a good dough going, and it's time to knead. get on the floor and let everyone have a turn until "smooth and elastic".

This takes "a while".

Play catch with the dog while kneading so he doesn't get into the dough.

set out the dough to rise for 15 minutes. Get the kids dressed. Well, get "kid" dressed. 2 year old would like to remain naked.

Ready dough for sectioning into 12 equal pieces.

Send 5 year old downstairs to let 2 year old out of locked bathroom.

Clean poop off of carpet in bathroom. (so close, and yet so far.)

Wash hands. Well.

Section dough. poke holes. Let rise. Let kids watch a movie. Try to persuade 2 year old to put on clothes. Clean kitchen.

realize you didn't add enough yeast. Continue on, self-reliant.

Boil bagels 1 minute each side.

Show mother in law new stain on the carpet.

Bake 375 for 20 minutes.

hope for the best.

Desperately...oh so desperately trying to document...must...document...life...of...family...

Here is my holiday in a nutshell:

One big move to the in-laws basement for an undetermined amount of time. Theoretically until our house is complete, but Jake thinks he might list it during the home show since there is a parade home right up the street and he thinks it might be worth it.

Joy. Love being homeless.

One little girl who REFUSES ALL CLOTHING. All. Not one stitch to be found.

And she's not potty trained.

TWO children who cannot go to sleep at night. They just barley went to sleep at 10:00, and these are 8:00 bedtime kids. This has been every night since we moved. They just lie there and lie there...and lie there...and lie there some more.

And we feel bad cuz we're all, "poor kids are so displaced, we should lay down with them", and now they have this nasty nasty habit of not being able to go to sleep without us.

It's a holiday downer, I'm not going to sit here and lie to you.

One mom with a mullet.

3 photo shoots in one week. Now, I LOVE photo shoots, don't get me wrong. I haven't turned one down yet, but 3 in one week...well, let's say it's been a bit hairy. Between that and the virus that almost ate my computer, plus my slower than normal network speeds, and well, my friends, that right there is a recipe for a holiday trip to the psyche ward.

One weekend of the stomach flu. Yuck.

One husband who can't stop coughing.

Two stockings being knitted BY HAND because, apparently, I don't have enough to do.

Two kids who miss their friends and are BORED.

One dog who is, well...happy as can be.

And me? Despite everything I'm happy too. I'm glad to be better. I'm happy with the photo shoots. I'm so THANKFUL to have a place to live. I'm happy that it's Christmas...even though it's hectic. And I'm happy to be with my family whom I feel like I'm starting a new adventure with. I know I'm more short with them at times these days, but as we settle in here (as much as we can), I think things will get better. It's been stressful, but we're surviving. We'll survive. And I feel bad for not blogging the last few weeks. I have tons and tons of pictures I've been meaning to blog since Alex's birthday! (that's still a blog in progress). I just know that I've missed a lot of moments, but I'll try to do better.

And a partridge in a pear tree.

yippie ki-yi-yo, get along little cowboy...

Well, I've been a little AWOL from blogging of late, but I'm still alive and kicking for the most part. We're all settled in to the in-law's basement, and there's nothing to complain about as far as that goes. We have our own nice little space and that's something to be grateful for when our house sold so fast that the new one was still only a hole in the ground. I'm grateful on a lot of levels for that. As a matter of fact, and in the interest of new developments, our hole now has walls. Well, that's being a bit generous. It has concrete forms erected, and will soon have walls. (And yes, husbands who read this fine blog, I just said erected. Stop laughing and grow up.)
The children are...adjusting. Slowly. Lily still asks to go home every day, and misses "Nana" a ton. It's been a big fight to get them to go to bed ever since they figured out that it wasn't just a fun sleepover at Grandma's anymore. They miss their beds and their room, but I figure the moment they get used to it the house will be done and we'll move again. That's just the way it is. Poor parents.
Well, that's all for now. I'm exhausted. And even a bit tired. I'm a little sleepy too. And it's only 10:30.
Joy.

happy moving day!

brought to you by the snow canyon half marathon.

and Jergens self-tanning lotion.

and Prozac.

worth a thousand words...

I've always been a huge fan of Norman Rockwell. My parents used to have a book full of his illustrations and I could sit and look at the whole book in one sitting, each picture forming an elaborate story in my mind; complete with beginning, middle and end. Sometimes with a sequel.

If you know Norman Rockwell, you know exactly what I'm talking about. He had a way of drawing you in and telling a whole story, and then allowing your imagination to take off and create more and more stories, and all in one great image.

Now, I know I don't have his talent, but I'd like to think my images tell a story. I like to draw people in and make them stop and look for a second, wondering if there's more. This was the first thing that grabbed me about photography; being able to say something interesting in a concise, yet thought provoking way. (and if you've ever heard me run off at the mouth, you know that I have a difficult time conserving my words, so photography does help me keep things simple.)

So, please, what is my point?

It's that when I saw this...

I had to grab the camera.

But since we all now know that it was for the sake of art, I know I won't have any phone calls wondering why I would leave my child up there in probable peril while I shot a few exposures.

Unless, of course, you don't appreciate good art.

I have too much stuff

it's truly ridiculous.

Somebody give me a mantra, an inspiration, a kick in the pants...SOMETHING to give me the strength to get rid of all this stuff!!

I didn't think I had this much...it was all hiding in the crevices. WHERE DID IT COME FROM? This is why I didn't want a big house--there are more places for it all to hide!

But it must go. I'm not taking ANY prisoners. Somebody needs it more than I do, that's for sure.

OK, this was good. I'm glad we had this talk. I think I can go back to my craft room now and TOSS and DI some more USELESS STUFF!

Thank you.

Anyone want some stuff??

Snow Canyon Half

I just copied and pasted this from my running blog so it's in my journal...and for anyone who cares:)

Snow Canyon Half today! It was a beautiful run, but I don't think I was quite ready for it. Too soon since the marathon. And because of a shortage of volunteers they started 20 minutes late, so I was kind of stiff to start and it was SUCH a downhill that it about killed me!The rest of the run was great except for the out and back portion. That was nothing short of cruel and unusual. I find something fundimentally psychologically damaging about out and backs in general, but this one was especially brutal. After sailing downhill for 2 miles, we headed out onto a gravel trail that went back up the canyon for 2 miles, then we turned around and came back down that same trail. I don't know if they make prisoners do that sort of thing. Anyway, after that I found a groove that was sort of like meditation and that was cool. Because I usually run with someone, I don't get the chance to just zone out and relax into my run because I'm usually gabbing, but it was really cool. But for some reason, the last 3 about killed me off, not for any other reason than mental. I did the same thing at the end of the marathon, so I don't know what it is about the end of a race for me...I don't do this in training runs. But as the finish line gets closer, instead of getting the kick at the end from being about to finish, I want nothing more than to walk. I did that during the marathon, but I made myself push it at the half. But I know in a training run at the end of 13 miles I'd be coasting. So I don't know what that is. Anyway, it was a good experience. I'm taking a break from distance for a while (easier said than done), but this race showed me that my body needs it. I felt worse after this race than I did after the marathon, so I must not be 100% yet. I think I'll run Buster and maybe start biking or something, but I'll for sure keep running a little.
time: 1:56:35
pace: 8:57

hello entropy

I don't know if it's the pending move that continues to loom closer (yet I continue to deny), the new little canine member of our family, the half marathon this weekend, or the holidays rapidly approaching, but I'm suddenly feeling like I have a lot on my plate. Wait, did I forget to mention the new house we're building? I probably didn't because that's not very stressful.

I am one of those people who shuts down when there's too much going on. As a matter of fact, one of the ways I know I'm feeling overwhelmed is that I start wandering aimlessly around the house doing a little of this, a little of that, and not really accomplishing anything. Poor Jake had to do laundry all day last Saturday because I simply didn't have the focus to see it to completion. I feel scattered, flustered, and foggy in my brain. And I'm sure the Halloween candy/birthday cake/other various junk foods in my house, and thus in my body, are not helping.

Now, more than ever, I"m feeling the need to SIMPLIFY.

But for some reason I have this unreasonable emotional attachment to STUFF. I was going through the kid's old baby blankets with the aim to get rid of ALL but the most precious.

I didn't get rid of any. Oh, because someone made this one, or I thought it had pretty colors, or Aunt Laura brought this one home from the Holy Land...or whatever.

That's just one example, and I don't really know why I'm putting all of this out there except to say that something is wrong with me. And I'm sure part of it is that while I'm excited to move, I am also devastated to leave the wonderful friends that I've made here, and also to drag my kids away from their first real "friends in the 'hood". I feel guilty, unsure, and lost much of the time, and to make matters worse, I haven't really processed those feelings.

I'm not just denying the move, see? I'm also denying my sadness and apprehension; hoping it will all go away. But it won't. Moving day will come, and it will be time to start all over again. It's terrifying and wonderfully exciting all at the same time.

And then in the middle of this post I had to go clean up vomit in Lily's crib. Looks like the dreaded stomach flu finally found the Bracken's.

I don't want this to sound like I'm complaining, I'm just feeling the need to vent this anxiety I'm having. Maybe doing so will help me set some feelings aside in blog form so I can actually get some work done.

Lily just threw up again. And you wonder why I can't put two thoughts together.

So if you see me wandering the streets looking for home (wherever that is), just call Jake and have him come get me.

But put clothes on me first and make sure to wipe off the drool. Must keep up appearances for the new neighbors.

I should probably say neighbor. But Brett's really judgemental, so it's best to be careful.:)

Starting his application for college

Happy Happy Happy Birthday Alex! We love you so much. I can't believe you're ONE WHOLE HAND TODAY! 5 years old. That's getting up there--way too fast, if you ask me.

2003:

2004:

2005:

2006:

2007:

2008:

And just in case you were worried he was not enough like his dad:

After Alex saw the picture of Jake with Buster, he stopped calling Pepper Pepper. Then and there. We now have a Buster too. Buster 2.

I tried to discourage it at first because he's not the beloved Buster Jake grew up with, but the boy wants what the boy wants. And Jake was OK with it. So Buster it is.

Happy birthday Alex. WE LOVE YOU!