We bailed on Christmas. And it was awesome

We made plans to spend Christmas with DH's parents in Mississippi.  It's a four hour drive to get there.  We would be surrounded by family, including countless cousins under the age of ten.  We would be there for three days, arriving on the 23rd, coming home on the 25th.

The night before we were supposed to leave I was just exhausted,  I cooked dinner, ate, and then promptly went to bed at 7:00.  I didn't wake up until 8:30 the  next morning.  DH woke up feeling kind of sickly.  I was still planning on getting up and packing our stuff to head out.  Finally, DH admitted that he would rather just stay at home.  I rejoiced on the inside and we both went back to bed after he broke the news to his parents.

So instead of travelling and dealing with family and all of the stress of being an infertile at Christmas, we stayed at home and spent time together.

We got egg nog and watched Christmas movies.  I made a baked alaska cake (click here for recipe).  We decorated gingerbread houses.  We slept in and played video games.  Basically we just hung out and relaxed.  It was the best Christmas ever.

And it's not like we won't see his family.  My in-laws are on the way to our house right now.  They'll be spending a couple of nights with us and we will all go to his brother's house on Wednesday to have Christmas with them.

We met our newest nephew this past weekend.  He is tiny and precious and just perfect.  We also got to spend time with his big brother, our other nephew.  He absolutely adores DH and it just kills me watching them play together.  DH is so excited about giving him a block set for Christmas so that they can play with them together.

We created a new photo site to post pictures we've taken with our fancy schmancy new camera.  Not that we're professionals or anything, but it's fun to act like we know what we're doing.  Email me if you want the link.  brandy shea at gmail dot com.  Without spaces obviously.

Gobble gobble

Wow.  Long time no post.  Sorry about that.

Well, yesterday was Thanksgiving.  It wasn't too bad actually.  I'm in a better place this year than I was last year.  Still not where I want to be, but it's better.

I started off the day running a 10k.  I haven't really seriously run in about a year and then I randomly decide to run 6.2 miles.  I'll just say that there were a lot of walk breaks.  The weather was gorgeous so that helped and I was running with a friend.

After the race we went to my dad's house to spend Thanksgiving with them.  We ate lunch, then my dad and I watched Saving Private Ryan.  (I know that's random, but I'd never seen it).  My brothers showed up after that and we played cards for a while.  It was a pretty laid-back Thanksgiving, but we enjoyed it.

We got home around 8:30 loaded down with leftovers.  I was exhausted.  I thought it was just because of the 10k that I ran on a whim that morning.  It was that, plus I started my period.  I had no idea.  No cramps at all.  It looks like the surgery I had in October was a success.  Normally, I would be laid up in bed on painkillers.  Not this time though.  That's something to be thankful for!

I got a "verbal warning" at work on Monday.  About my attendance record.  If you know me personally, you would know that I am not the type of employee to get into any kind of trouble.  I've been in this current position for about five months now.  Previously, I was with the same company, but a different department.

My company has an attendance policy that goes like this: every time you are out sick, you get an "occurrence". You can be out five days in a row and that is one occurrence.  If you're out sick one day, come back to work for one day, start feeling bad again and miss another day, that counts as two occurrences.  Make sense?

Once you get 4 occurrences in a 12 month rolling period, you are given a verbal warning.  At 5, you get written counseling, 6 a probationary warning, and at 7 you can be terminated.

Since I have started my new job, I've had 4 occurrences.  Two of those were related to the surgery I just had.  I took a sick day, then used up vacation days, and then another sick day when I couldn't come in to work as soon as I thought I would be able to.  Another one of those occurrences was for a day that I had cramps and just couldn't go in to work.  I'm not sure what the other was, but it might have been a day I took off to go to a funeral.

My boss has no problem with my absences.  However, HER boss is a huge stickler for the rules.  When they saw my number of occurrences, they looked at my attendance history at my old job.  All combined, in the past 12 months, I've had 10 occurrences.  Gulp.  I would say half of those were period related.  A couple were mental health days, because honestly, I hated my job.  My job combined with all of the infertility stuff started my anxiety which is why I see a therapist once a month and why I'm on medication.  There were some days that I just could not get myself out of the bed to go to work.

My boss came by my desk and warned me that there was going to be a meeting to discuss my attendance.  They wanted to write me up, but she convinced them to only give me a verbal warning.  I was pissed when I heard that.  Yes, I've missed a lot of days, but all of my work gets done on time.  I'm a good employee.

My current boss had no idea about all of our infertility history.  She knew I had problems with cramps, hence the surgery a few weeks ago.

So I went into the meeting prepared to tell them everything.  When they asked about my recent absences, I explained that I have endometriosis which causes very painful periods.  I just had surgery to hopefully correct it and clear up those problems.  When they asked about my absences over the past year, I just laid it on the table.  My boss had no idea so I felt like I kind of blindsided her, but I just came out with it and said that we had been going through infertility treatments which are very involved.  I explained how hard it is to work full-time while going through an IVF cycle.  I had a doctor's excuse for everything and it wasn't my intention to appear to be a slacker or a bad employee.

She then asked why I didn't use FMLA for those previous absences.  I said that I had thought about it, but we were doing fertility treatments.  If they worked, I wanted to save my FMLA for later when I would be off with a baby.  (Our company has no maternity policy at all.  All we have is FMLA.  No paid leave.  I would want to be home with a new baby as long as I could).  My old boss was fine with this and I never had an issue about absences, so it was kind of a shock to have to go to this meeting.

She recommended that should I continue to have issues with endometriosis in the future, I need to apply for intermittent FMLA so that I won't have "problems" like this in the future.  As I said before, I was pretty pissed after this meeting.  Mad that I am obviously not abusing the system, but being seen as a bad employee.  Mad that I was forced to share my infertility history with them.  Not that I really care, but it was nice to work with people who didn't think of me as "that girl who wasted all that money on IVF".  I didn't have to worry about what people thought of me.  If they secretly pitied me, or thought I was an idiot to spend so much money on something that didn't work.

I went home that night and took a x.ana.x.  My anxiety has been so good lately, but this brought it out in full force.  I think I went to sleep at 8:00 that night.

Yesterday when I got to work I started drafting an email to my boss.  I'm in a dilemma now.  If I get sick and can't make it in to work, I will be written up, which will be in my permanent HR file.  I will not allow that to happen, which means if I get sick, my ass is at work.  Even if I have the flu.  And I'll be breathing on my boss's boss to make sure she knows I'm at work and not accruing anymore occurrences.  This is what I emailed my boss about.  (Who has been great by the way).  I didn't put it in those terms, but I did explain that I am now in a dilemma.  I asked if it would be possible for me to get remote access so that if something happens, I can work from home.  She replied that at this point, I'm not quite up to speed enough to be able to work independently from home (which is true).  It will probably take me a year to fully master this job to be able to do all of the work on my own.  We are supposed to discuss this next week after the long weekend (yay for bank holidays).

She told me that she wished she had known about this (the IVF) beforehand so that she could have mitigated this problem with her boss.  But really, how would I have told her that?  It's so random.  By the way, I'm barren and can't have children.  We've spent $25,000 on IVF in the past two years and have nothing to show for it.  Aren't you glad I told you?

So that's where it stands right now.  I have a feeling that if for some reason I have to miss work in the future she'll just let me stay home without "officially" being sick.  She said in her email back to me that she is all for flexible scheduling in order to get the job done.  I don't think that will ever be her official policy though.

It just sucks.  I'm a good employee dammit, but I'm being made to feel like I'm not.

The funny thing is, I have learned so much from my old shitty job.  I would have dreaded a meeting like this  before.  I wasn't thrilled about it this time, but I wasn't nervous going into it.  I knew I hadn't done anything wrong.  Or maybe it's just the meds giving me courage.  :)

We went camping this weekend and it was gorgeous.  We hiked on Saturday trying to find a waterfall that was in the area.  Three hours later we still hadn't found it.  Turns out we were walking in circles around it the whole time.  It was good exercise though.  And the dog loved it.

Best Husband Ever

I've been talking for years about wanting to get a digital SLR camera.  My husband always said that it would be nice, but they're just too expensive.  A few weekend ago he went to Talladega with a co-worker (they got tickets from work) who has a really nice digital camera.  After seeing his pictures he was convinced so we starting talking about getting one.

I never expected to get one right away because they're pricey, but yesterday when I came home from work he surprised me with one!  He found a good deal at Costco and just decided to pull money out of savings to buy it.  (They have a sale going on where we got $200 off).  All in all, we got a Nikon camera, carrying case, two lenses, two dvd instruction videos and an extra memory card.

I have no idea how to use it correctly and I have no illusions about becoming a professional level photographer, but I'm excited to learn.  Eric has photoshop at work and hopefully today he is going to put it on my laptop.  I have no idea how to use photoshop either, but I've wanted to learn for a while.

Anyone have any good websites or blogs dealing with learning digital photography?

Other than that surprise, obviously last night was Halloween.  We totally bailed on it last year by turning off the lights and watching scary movies, but this year I actually passed out candy.  I even wore my devil horn barrettes and dressed up the dog in his Bumble Bee costume (recycled from last year). 

(Not taken on the new camera, this is my crappy phone camera).

Post-Op Appointment

Late last week I had my follow-up appointment with the doctor after my surgery.  He checked my incisions and said they looked fine.  He said that during the surgery they found stage II endometriosis, but it was all superficial and easy to get rid of.  He said my ovaries, tubes and inside of my uterus all looked good, so that's good news.

We discussed our frozen embryo and I told him that DH and I have decided to transfer it in May.  Have I mentioned that here?  I don't remember.  The plan is to go back in March to get the ball rolling on that process.  We decided on May because my brother is getting married in April and I'm in the wedding.  It's in Texas and we'll have to fly there, and I don't want to have anything to stress or worry about so we're doing the transfer after all that is over.

As far as my cycle goes, I'm hoping that the surgery is going to take care of my cramps, or at least reduce their severity.  I just started my period today and I feel like it's not even happening.  I've been on birth control for the last month and a half though, so that's probably playing a part.  I'll have to wait until next month to see the real deal.  The doctor said it might take a few months for everything to work itself out.

So that's it for now.  Just patiently waiting until May for our transfer.

Until then I have tons of projects that I want to get done around the house including remodeling our guest bathroom, guest bedroom and other random things.

Speaking of house stuff, I finally finished the dining room table I have been working on for months.  Put the last coat of stain on this weekend.  I love it.  Now I have to get to building the benches to go along with it.

Surgery

So, I had surgery a week ago today.  I should have posted about it before now, but I've been lazy.  And healing from surgery and all that jazz.

So I'll go back to the beginning.  Last Thursday is when this adventure began.  Friday was the day of surgery, but I had to do an all liquid diet the day before, plus a bowel prep.  I took the day off from work.  I was starving all day long, only made worse by the fact that I knew I couldn't eat.  I had two Coke Zeros for breakfast, some jello, two bowls of beef bouillon, some more jello and lots of water.

At 3:00 it was time to start the bowel prep.  You might want to skip this part if you don't like poo talk.  I took 2 Dulcolax at 3:00.  I began the nervous wait for things to start happening.  I think around 4:00 I had to go to the bathroom, but it was just like normal.  Then at 5:00, I started the dreaded Miralax.  I was to take a whole bottle (14 servings), mix it with 64 oz of Gatorade and drink 8 oz every 15 minutes.  The first hour everything was still about the same.  We were sitting in the den watching tv.  Then it began.  Bathroom trips about every 10 to 15 minutes.  I remember we were trying to watch Modern Family and we had to keep pausing it because I had to run to the bathroom.  I kept running to the back bathroom (even though we've known each other for 11 years, I still don't want my husband to hear THAT).  Finally, it got to where I needed to be RIGHT NEXT to the bathroom or I wouldn't make it, so I told Eric to watch what he wanted, I was going to be in the bathroom for the rest of the night.

It was pretty awful.  I finally finished all of the blasted Gatorade and then I had to take 2 more Dulcolax at 8:00.  I thought that was kind of overkill, because at that point the Gatorade was going straight through me.  It's quite disturbing to feel like you're peeing out of your ass.  Red stuff no less.  I wondered when this business was going to slow down because I just wanted to go to sleep, but had images of me being fast asleep and ruining the sheets with red gatorade.  Lucky for me, it did slow down.  I took a phenergan because I was feeling pretty sickly at that point.  Blessed sleep soon came.

Ok, all the people who don't want to hear poo talk, it's over!


We had to be at the hospital at 7:30 am.  Once they finally got me back, they told me I had to pee in a cup.  The bowel prep dehydrated me and I managed to squeeze out a little, but it was a challenge.  I got changed into a gown and then the anesthesiologist came and spoke with me.  He was very young and cute I have to add.  They gave me some happy drugs in my IV and then it was just waiting until it was time to go back.  They gave me some more happy drugs in my IV and then wheeled me back.  I remember them putting a mask on my chest in front of my face and them telling me to take deep breaths.  I go to three of them and that's the last thing I remember.

Then I woke up in recovery.  I love anesthesia.  The nurse asked if I was hurting and I shook my head no.  My eyes were fluttering open and shut, I couldn't keep them open.  Of course, as soon as the nurse left, I started feeling pain, but I wasn't able to say anything about it.  She came back and asked again and then gave me some morphine.  At this point, another girl was wheeled into recovery and I remember that she would not shut up.  I wanted to throw something at her, but I still really couldn't move.  Finally the nurses told her she needed to be quiet and rest.  They gave me another thing of morphine.  After an hour (althought it felt like 15 minutes to me) they wheeled me to a room where Eric was waiting.

He told me that they found Stage 2 Endometriosis when they got in there.  I knew it!  We have pictures,  but honestly, I can't tell what is what when looking at them.  There was scarring on my right fallopian tube AND my descending colon and intestine were fused together with scarring so they cut those apart.  Good times.

I'll skip the rest of the recovery stuff, but finally it was time to go home.  We picked up my pain meds and I immediately got horizontal in the bed, took a pain pill and passed out.  I slept off and on for the rest of the day.

Fast forward to today, one week after the surgery.  I'm still not completely healed, but I'm back at work today.  The area around my belly button is still tender and I've found if I do too much I start running a low-grade fever.  I called the nurse about that and it's not high enough to think there's an infection so maybe I got a virus or something too.

My follow-up appt is next Thursday and I'll have more details from the doctor about exactly what there was.  I'm still taking it easy at home since I can still feel some pain.

So that's my novel of a post.  If you made it this far....good for you.

Crazy Sexy Cleanse!

I'm on day 4 of a 21 day cleanse.  My husband is doing it with me.  I've been wanting to do it for a while and finally got it all together to do it.

It's based on the plan from this book: Crazy Sexy Diet

Here's the gist of it in a nutshell:

• Juicing!  Green juice for breakfast every 
• All vegan (no animal products of any kind, no meat, no cheese, no eggs, nada)
• Gluten-free
• Low glycemic-index
• 60/40 to 80/20 ratio of alkaline/acidic foods

It sounds pretty strict, and it is.  But it's something I've wanted to do for a long time.  Like I said in my last post, my doctor wants to put me on metformin, but I have no interest in going back on that.  I think if I can stick to this diet and lose weight, I can treat my PCOS without meds.  If after that, I still need the meds then I will reconsider.  

So far the cleanse hasn't been all that bad.  I feel like I turned a corner today with regards to cravings.  Yesterday I felt like I could have killed someone for a Coke Zero, but I resisted.  Someone also brought bagels and donuts to the office.  I turned those down to, although I think a small part of my soul died when I did that.  

I'm feeling good about it though.  It's getting easier every day.  I had an apple as a snack today and was actually looking forward to it.  I couldn't even finish all of what I brought with me for lunch.  

Eric has been able to get off of his acid reflux meds (prescription that he takes every day).  

The plan is to do this for 21 days.  After that, I plan on continuing it.  Not sure if Eric will or not, but if I'm cooking dinner and he doesn't want to make himself anything else he'll at least be eating vegan for that meal.  

So that's the low-down on that.  

Surgery!

I met with my doctor yesterday and he agrees that I might have endometriosis.  He said there's a 50-75% chance that I do.  Surgery is scheduled for October 14th.  It coincides nicely with some vacation time that I'm taking so I don't have to worry about rushing back to work.  I know that sounds crappy, taking vacation when you're having surgery, but I would rather do that than use sick days.  We have to use all of our vacation each year or we lose them.  We can accumulate up to 60 sick days.  I'll use one sick day for the surgery and I'm taking vacation the day before and then 3 days after.

Speaking of the day before, I have to do a bowel prep beforehand.  24 hours of a liquid diet + dulcolax + miralax mixed with 64 oz of Gatorade = shitting my brains out.  I'm already looking forward to it.

In addition to the laparoscopy, they will also be doing a hysteroscopy to look at the lining of my uterus.  Fun times all around.  This time my husband will be with me during the surgery instead of my mom so we won't have a repeat of last time.

I asked about my wonky cycles (in the last year they've gone anywhere from 23 days to 40 days).  He thinks that it's PCOS that's screwing them up.  He wants to put me on metformin, but I have to go in and do fasting bloodwork first.  I was on it before during IVF, and it absolutely killed my stomach.  I guess I need to do it though.  I'm pretty sure if I could lose 40 pounds this would no longer be an issue.  Just need to get my ass moving.

Endometriosis

Any of my readers out there deal with endometriosis?  I have an appointment with my doctor to discuss because I think I have it.  I've thought I have for a while now, but never brought it up at any appointments.  My period this month was just crazy.


I thought I was going to start last weekend.  On Saturday I had cramps bad enough that I just wanted to stay at home in my pajamas.  Everything in that area just felt very heavy if that makes any sense.  I didn't start until yesterday though (Thursday).  Before that though I was still having cramps off and on.  


I know that surgery is the only way to definitively diagnose it.  I'm not sure if that's what my doctor will recommend or not.




Here is a list of symptoms with those that I have bolded:

• Painful periods (dysmenorrhea). Pelvic pain and cramping may begin before and extend several days into your period and may include lower back and abdominal pain.
• Pain with intercourse. Pain during or after sex is common with endometriosis. (I've never had this symptom)
• Pain with bowel movements or urination. You're most likely to experience these symptoms during your period. (This one is rare, but I've had it before)
• Excessive bleeding. You may experience occasional heavy periods (menorrhagia) or bleeding between periods (menometrorrhagia). (A lot of times my period can be heavy, but it only lasts for a day.  My periods tend to last only 3 days.  From what I read longer periods are more typical with endometriosis)
• Infertility. Endometriosis is first diagnosed in some women who are seeking treatment for infertility. (Obviously we're infertile, but I didn't bold this one because my husband has issues and I have diminished ovarian reserve (which reminds me, I read somewhere about a link between that and endometriosis, will have to look at that more) so I don't think endometriosis is the cause of our infertility)
• Other symptoms. You may also experience fatigue, diarrhea, constipation, bloating or nausea, especially during menstrual periods. (I get what I call period fatigue.  The first day of my period I am normally just wiped out.  An hour after I wake up I will feel like I'm falling asleep.  I also have diarrhea with my period, bloating and occasionally the cramps are so bad that I get nauseated)

So that's that.  Anyone have some opinions on whether I have it or not?  Have you done laparoscopic surgery to diagnose/treat it?

So on my last post I hinted at some family drama.  It's a long exhausting story and I'm not going to go into it other than to say my brother checked himself into the psych ward a few weekends ago.  Turns out it was over a girl who wouldn't spend time with him.  Drama queen much?  Seriously though, he's got some issues if he'll go to those lengths to get a girl's attention.

It was a wake-up call for my mother (he's 25 and is living with her, rent free I might add).  She is his enabler and is the reason he's still living at home like a 15 year old instead of the adult he should be.

I tried to clue her in to this about 5 years ago, but she refused to listen to me.  His little stunt changed that and she, my stepfather and older brother (who was in town from Texas on leave from the military) had an intervention with him.  Basically telling him to grow up or get out.

It sounds great, but I seriously doubt my mother's ability to follow through.  I'm not getting involved though.  The last time I tried to (5 years ago) all it did was cause major stress for me.  The only one who can change my brother's situation is him.  My mother is a big part of that, but he has to do the work.  Like I said, I went and spoke to my therapist about this.  She asked why I was wanting to get involved when they didn't even invite me to the intervention.  Ouch.  Point taken.

So, I am staying out of it completely.  If my brother calls and asks me for help, of course I will help him.  But I'm not going to insert myself into this situation.  I've worked too hard to get to a healthy emotional place and I'm going to do everything I can to preserve that.

Really brain?

I have a longer post brewing about some crazy family drama that has been going on.  I actually scheduled an appointment with my therapist today about it.

In the meantime though, I just wanted to share that I had a sex dream last night.  About Snoop Dogg.  WTF?  It was disturbing and not even all that great.

Next time brain: give me Johnny Depp.

You have to read this

You have to read this obituary of a woman who was a British spy during WWII.  She was badass.  Never had children.

Some quotes from the article:

As her involvement in the war deepened, Ms. Wake was trained by the British to kill with her bare hands (she delivered a fatal karate chop to a sentry at an arms factory), parachute into enemy-held territory and work a machine gun.

She chomped on cigars and bested guerrilla fighters in drinking bouts. She traveled nowhere without her Chanel lipstick, face cream and a favorite red satin cushion.

.....

In 1939, she married Henri Fiocca, heir to a Marseille shipping concern. She later told the Daily Telegraph: “He was tall. He could dance the tango. And if you dance the tango with a nice, tall man, you know what eventually will happen, don’t you?”


.....


In recent years, she lived in a nursing home for retired veterans. She passed much of the day clutching a gin and tonic at the nearby hotel bar, the same watering hole where she had her first “bloody good drink” after the war.

Ms. Wake was the subject of two biographies in addition to her 1985 memoir. A TV miniseries aired in the late 1980s; she was typically scornful of its factual liberties.

“For goodness sake, did the allies parachute me into France to fry eggs and bacon for the men?” she asked. “There wasn’t an egg to be had for love nor money, and even if there had been, why would I be frying it when I had men to do that sort of thing?”

Survived!

I survived my oral surgery last week!

I now have a pretty black eye and a swollen cheek.  Fun explaining that at work.

Let me go back to the day of surgery though, because I've got some bitching to do.

Originally, DH was going to take a day off of work so he could drive me there, bring me home and take care of me the rest of the day.  My mom is a nurse and when she heard I was having surgery she rearranged her schedule so that she could take care of me.  This sounds like a good thing, but not really.

The plan was for her to pick me up at my house, take me for surgery, bring me home and stay at my house until Eric got home from work.  It began that way.  After the surgery was done and I woke up (IV sedation is a wonderful thing) she drove me back to HER house.  She lives about 30 minutes away from me.  I was too groggy to argue.  I'm just glad I brought my pillows from home with me just in case.  I took my first pain pill at noon.  I could take them every four hours so I told her to keep track of the time and wake me up at 4:00 so I could have the next one.  I woke up on my own at 5:00!!!  Because the pain meds had worn off!  So that ticked me off.  Then Eric calls because he's home from work.  My mom invites him over for dinner, which sounds nice, but it's actually so he can take me home instead of them.  He had a conference call with people in their China office at work so he couldn't come over anyway.

So they all ate dinner and then my mom drove me home.  When she was dropping me off Eric asked her what the doctor had told her with regards to after-care and if I had a follow-up appointment.  She said that they hadn't told her anything.  She claims that the doctor told me everything after the surgery was done which is bullshit I say.  I was coming out of anesthesia, they wouldn't have told me follow-up instructions!  

In the end my mom got me to surgery and back alive, but that's it.  She failed on everything else.  And she's a nurse so she should know better!  Oh well.

I called this morning and I have a follow-up appointment this Thursday that I would have missed thanks to my mom.  Thanks a lot mom!

Ugh, I'm an idiot!

I went to W.hole F.oods over lunch today to get something to take with me to my book club meeting tonight.

I pulled out of the parking lot to get back on the highway in the direction of my office.  It's kind of a blind turn with traffic coming around a curve from the right.  I bet you know where this is going.

I looked for traffic as I pulled out, but apparently didn't look good enough.  All of a sudden, I hear a horn and see a car on my right and then we collided.  We were both going pretty slowly, but hit hard enough to do some damage to both cars.

It bent the side panel enough to where my passenger side door won't open. 

We called the cops and they came and filed a report which I can pick up in two days.  He didn't say who was at fault, but I'm pretty sure it will be me.  No one was hurt though which is good.  We'll just be out $500 for our insurance deductible.  

It was only 90 degrees outside too, so it wasn't too hot while waiting on the police (as opposed to the over 100 heat we've been having).  There was a breeze too.  

The funny thing is, I can tell the meds I have been taking (lex.apro, well.but.rin) are working.  I wasn't frazzled in the slightest after the wreck.  Yeah, I'm kind of stressed, but normally, I would be a wreck (pun intended).  

In the end, no one was hurt which is all that matters.  It still sucks though.

Bleh

I'm sick.  I started feeling bad Friday afternoon at work.  That night it got worse and when I woke up Saturday morning it was definite.  I had a slight fever and an extremely sore throat.  I woke up feeling a bit better today so that's good.  I didn't want to miss any work before my surgery on Thursday.

I had plans for this weekend too (sanding and staining the table I built), but I ended up just laying around all day yesterday.  I'll probably do a lot of the same today.

Teeth woes, again...

I can't remember if I have blogged about my teeth before.  To make a long story short, I have awful teeth.  I might have one or two left that don't have a filling.  A year and a half ago I had to have a root canal.  I had a pretty bad abscess and let it go for so long that my tooth actually died.  Nice going B.  In my defense, I thought I was having TMJ issues since it was hurting in the same place where I get referred pain from that.

Anyway.  This weekend I woke up around 2 am with throbbing pain in that same tooth that had the root canal.  Since it was the middle of the night and I wanted to get back to sleep I took a dem.er.ol that DH had leftover from his gallbladder surgery.  Shhh don't tell anyone.  The pain dulled out after that, but it was still hurting so when Monday morning rolled around I made an appointment with my dentist.

They took two x-rays of the tooth and then the dentist tapped on it from the bottom.  Yep, it hurts.  Conveniently, my Endodontist is in the office just downstairs from the dentist.  They could fit me in at 2:30.  So I went downstairs where I had two more x-rays done.  The dentist told me that they would just redo my root canal.  Turns out it's more complicated than that.  The doctor came in and said he was going to have to refer me to an oral surgeon.  What???  It looks like my original root canal never healed all the way.  There was a hole in the bone that should have filled back in.  Instead, it calcified and trapped liquid and formed a cyst.  It finally decided to make its presence known this weekend.

I got the first available appointment with the oral surgeon and it's NEXT Thursday.  I have to wait over a week to get it taken care of.  In the meantime I'm taking antibiotics and a painkiller.  Only at night though, because I have to be able to function at work.

This is the procedure I'm having done, an apicoectomy.  Looks yummy, no?

Here's the best part of the story: I was picking up my prescription at the drugstore.  They were about to ring me up when the cashier said, "wait, the pharmacist has to ask you something".  He comes back and asks, "is there any way you might be pregnant"?  I laughed on the inside and wanted to say, "$30,000 for two IVF cycles should tell you that no, there is no possible way I could be pregnant".  Or, "I hope not because I just had 4 x-rays taken!".  Instead I just said no, got my drugs and a chocolate bar and made my way home where I promptly drugged up and went to sleep.  I slept a total of 13 hours by the time I woke up this morning.

Now I'm just counting the days until surgery and hoping the tooth pain stays as dull as it is right now.

Has anyone had an apicoectomy?  From everything I've read, the doctors say the recovery is simple, but patients say it can be pretty bad.  They are cutting into bone which doesn't sound too pleasant at all.

It's that time of the month - therapy!

Four weeks into my new job and it's time for my monthly therapy session.  As a reminder, I'm going once a month in preparation for our frozen embryo transfer early next year.  I'm trying to get in shape physically and mentally beforehand.

We spoke about my new job and how my stress levels were compared to my old one.  She asked me what stressed me the most right now.  I couldn't come up with anything.  I'm sure I have stress, but compared to the hell I was living in, it's nothing I can't deal with.  The main thing that stresses me is when I think back to the old job.

I told her two specific examples:  My old boss dragged his feet when he walked.  When he came up behind me at my desk I could hear his shoes scuffing on the carpet.  I learned to dread that sound.  On my first week in the new job, I heard that old familiar scuffing sound.  I'm still working in the same building, but now I'm on the 17th floor instead of the 11th floor.  He has no reason to be on my new floor, but as soon as I heard that sound I had a physical reaction.  My heart started pounding and I started sweating.

The other thing was a dream I had a few nights ago.  My old boss went on vacation the week I started the new job.  He was out of the country for two weeks.  The night before he was due back to work I dreamed that he and I rode the same elevator and somehow he dragged me back to my old office and forced me to work.  It was awful.

My counselor asked if he reminded me of anyone in my past.  She was trying to figure out why he had such a hold on me.  Why he struck such fear in me and just crippled me.  I couldn't think of anyone that he reminded me of.  In the end, it came down to me feeling like he was holding me down career-wise.  There were so many others who were hired after me and left before me, all the while I was actively looking for a new job.  He has a reputation around the bank, everyone knows how bad it is to work for him.  I've never had great self-esteem and he was just crushing it little by little.  The more time I was stuck with him, the more job interviews that I went on with no job offers, it killed me a little inside over time.  I felt like I was going to be stuck there until I could retire.  Realistically, I knew that wouldn't happen, but emotionally I felt trapped.  He was also a boss who didn't tolerate any kind of mistakes and I would dread telling him when I screwed something up.

After that discussion we did a couple of EMDR sessions and talked about what I can learn from this experience.  We compared my old office to the new one, and how I now know that I will never be stuck in a bad situation because I know that I am strong enough to get out of it.  My new boss has already shown that she understands that people make mistakes.  You find them, fix them and go on.  We're all human and can't be perfect all the time.

It was a good session.  We didn't speak of anything related to infertility, but that's ok.  IF isn't the only thing in my life.  I'm fucked up in other ways too.  :)

How far I've Come

Last night was my monthly Resolve support group meeting.  If you don't recall, I recently took over leading the group along with one other person.  She does a lot of the background stuff (reserving rooms, helping with getting speakers, etc) while I handle the email account and actually go to all of the meetings.

There were 4 people at the meeting not including me.  Unfortunately there was some kind of children's activity going on in the auditorium right across from our meeting room.  I walked down the stairs and the first thing I saw was a sign that said, "Stroller Parking" and an obviously pregnant women directing people.  "Great", I thought.  Just what an infertile needs to see on her way to a support group.

Two of the women there last night were in a very raw place emotionally.  Both of them were crying when telling their stories.  I remembered back to the first time I cried at one of the meetings.  It was when we first found out about my husband's count.  We literally found out that day and I went to the meeting that evening.  I hadn't cried about it until I spoke the words out loud.  I was devastated.  One of the women last night is in between IVF cycles, but she found out after the first one that she might be in early menopause at age 32.  My heart went out to her.  Again, I went back to another point on our journey, after the first egg retrieval when they were only able to get three eggs.  I was blindsided by that.  I was only 27!  What the hell was going on?  Then my thoughts went to the meeting that I went to about a week after we found out that the second IVF wasn't successful.  I was holding back tears (unsuccessfully) the whole time.

In contrast to that I was just thinking today that I'm in a good place.  I can honestly say for the first time in a long while that I'm more happy than sad.  Much of that is probably due to the combination of lex.a.pro, well.butr.in and x.a.nax, but even more is due to the help that I've gotten from my support group and the friendships I have made through it.  That's why I volunteered to take over the group when the former leader couldn't do it anymore.

I have done a lot of emotional healing over the past year.  We have our last frozen embryo transfer coming up early next year.  When I think about it, I'm not overcome by anxiety.  I don't worry about what will happen if it doesn't work.  I'm just busy living right now.  And it feels good.

I love my therapist!

A few weeks ago when I got the call offering me my new job my first thought was, "I can't wait to tell my therapist!".  Besides infertility, one of the main topics of discussion in our sessions is how much I hate my job.  

I think I've blogged about it, but I'm going to my therapist once a month in preparation for our frozen embryo transfer which will happen early next year.  I went to see her about two weeks ago and was busting at the seams to tell her about the new job.  I'm not one to believe in fate and all that, but it seems that now, after a shitty few years, things finally seem to be falling into place.  I got the promotion at work, and then I got offered the new job.  I'm in my second week on the job and so far I'm really enjoying it.  My manager and co-worker are both extremely nice and fun to work with.  

But back to therapy.  Since the main focus of our sessions is getting myself ready for the embryo transfer, she managed to bring everything back to that.  If you recall, at my last session, we worked on making myself open to the transfer, instead of concentrating on the negatives and percentages, chance of success/failure.  This time, we talked about my new job and how so many different insignificant things had to fall into place for me to get the offer.  I had to be in a place where I had enough courage to even apply for the job.  They posted the job at just the right time for me to see it, etc etc.  It was the right thing at the right time.  Then she said it's the same for the embryo transfer.  Just like everything fell into place this time, things can fall into place again for the transfer.  The last two IVFs didn't work, but there is no reason that the upcoming transfer won't.  We did more EMDR surrounding this train of thought.  

I left the appointment feeling great.  She's like the validating parent that I never had growing up.  She tells me I'm right and makes me feel good about myself.  :)  I wish I could carry a mini version of her in my purse all the time.   

Starting Over

I started my new job today.  It is such a relief not to be stressed out and dreading going into work.  The people I will be working with all seem really nice.  I have lots to learn, but I think I'll like it.  It's a lot of numbers and details that would drive most people insane, but I'm weird like that.

Of course, the very first day, they asked me if I had any children.  I just said that I didn't, no more details than that.  It got me thinking though.  Will I eventually tell them my history, or is this a chance for me to start over?  Kind of like changing high schools where you can start over fresh. No one knows you, they don't know your history or have any preconceived notions of what kind of person you are, or what clique you belong to.

Don't get me wrong - I'm not ashamed of our infertility or feel the need to hide it.  In fact, I feel it's my duty to talk about it and educate people.  But you know, sometimes it's just nice to be "normal".  Not to feel like people are pitying you, or praying for you, or judging you.

More than likely, I'll eventually share my story.  I'm pretty much an open book at this point. I think that my boss has children.  If we go forward with our plan of transferring our last embryo next March I'll probably have to tell at least her.

I think it will be nice to be incognito for a while though.

What do you think?  What would you do?

Small update

I still can't quite believe that exactly 14 days from now will be my last day on the job.  I keep thinking it's a dream and I'm going to wake up at some point.  But it's real.  After almost two years of applying and going on interviews and not getting any response, I guess I had kind of given up hope of ever getting a new job.

There isn't much going on right now besides the job change.  I've lost 7 pounds since I started weight watchers.  It should be more (there have been quite a few weeks of gaining and losing the same two pounds), but I feel like I'm back on track.  Got on the scale this morning and lost 2.2 pounds this week.  About 3 more to lose before I hit my first mini-goal.

I've been working out more which is great, but I am so tired now!  I don't want to get up in the morning if I worked out the night before.  I went to a yoga class yesterday at Railroad Park.  This park is two blocks away from where I work.  You can see my work building from the park.  They have free fitness classes at 6:00 pm every weekday during the summer.  I'm trying to make the yoga class a habit.  Last night's was pretty brutal, mainly because I have no muscle tone left.  I used to be in amazing shape in high school.  I took dance for about 15 years so I took being in shape for granted.  I didn't have to work at it.  I just went to dance class four or five days a week after school and it was fun.  My core is gone.  What little strength I had in my arms is gone.  My legs were always the strongest and I've retained some of that, so that's good, but I was still sore all over this morning when I woke up.  

Next week is going to be busy.  I'm helping with VBS Mon-Wed which means I'm going to have to get up at 4:30 those mornings to workout before I go to work.  Thursday night is yoga, and then Friday we're going out to dinner with friends.  I have a feeling I'm going to be exhausted by Friday night.

The day I thought would never come!

First off, no I'm not pregnant.

But I did get a job offer!!  I had an interview for this job about a month ago I think.  When my boss found out I had applied for this job, miraculously the promotion I had been asking for went through.

I told him (my boss) about it yesterday and he was none too pleased.  He took it personally.  When I told him where the job is (another department, same company) he acted confused and said that he wasn't aware that I wanted to do that kind of work.  He said that he wanted to make sure I knew I was appreciated, because they just gave me that promotion and made me a Vice President.  I told him that I appreciated all they had done for me, and apologized for the bad timing, but that I think this is a great opportunity for me and I don't want to pass it up.

Basically my boss is screwed.  I've been with him for 4 years, which is the longest any of his employees have stayed with him.  In the 4 years I've been with him, there have been 6 others who have come and gone.  Two of those only lasted 9 months each.  That should tell him something right there.  At this point, since they gave me the promotion, this is a lateral move.  No increase in pay.  That should also tell him something.  I'm willing to take a lateral job, just to get out of his department.  He continued to offer me things to make me stay.  He wanted to give me more money.  He said that we could tailor my job so that I would be doing what I wanted to do.  No dice.  He's a day late and a dollar short.  I've said before that they could double my salary and I still wouldn't want to stay because the damage has been done.  I don't know how much I've talked about it here, but I feel like I haven't been treated very well in my four years at this job.  My boss is the reason I want to leave.  They're nothing they can do, short of firing him, that would make me stay.  And at that point, I would have to do all of his work, so no, there's absolutely nothing they can do to make me stay.

I was so anxious yesterday about telling him, but I'm glad I did it.  I don't know a start date yet, but I officially accepted the job today.  That is a huge weight off of my shoulders.  I was scared to death to apply for this job, but I'm so glad I did!

Visit with the Lady Doctor

I had my annual exam a few weeks ago.  I've been putting it off because I want to go to a new doctor, but have been scared to actually pick a new one.  If you've been reading a while, I didn't have a great experience with him last year.  I've gotten all sorts of recommendations, but can't make up my mind.  My wonky period last time though forced me to go.  (Did I even mention that?  My cycle was 40 days long.  Period was 2 weeks late, it's never late).

So I made an appointment and went armed with my post-it note so I wouldn't forget the three things I wanted to discuss.

1. Wacked out period last month.  
2. Check hormone levels 
3. Drugs for cramps

First thing, he came into the room and talked to me before I stripped down for the exam.  He asked me how "Aunt Flo" was.  Really, he said "Aunt Flo".  I hate that term, especially when a doctor uses it.  I guess he's trying to be relatable and make the patient feel comfortable.  I'm the girl who will talk about her cervical mucous with strangers, I don't need him to sugarcoat anything or dance around the topic.  Anyway.  I told him of my concerns about my long cycle the month before and asked if I needed to be concerned about it.  He didn't seem to be too worried about it.  I then mentioned how I didn't respond well to the IVF cycles which led the doctors to believe that I had decreased ovarian reserve or premature ovarian failure.  In my mind, that plus a longer, unpredictable cycle got crazy thoughts of early menopause going through my head.  He agreed to check my hormones.

I then asked if he could give me a prescription for my bad cramps.  My old RE gave me A.na.prox and L.or.tab.  When I asked for the Lo.r.tab he looked surprised and asked if they were really that bad.  I said, yes, they are.  I've mentioned this to him before.  He then asked if I had ever had a laparoscopy to see if I had endometriosis.  I haven't, and I mentioned to him that the only symptom I had was cramps, and none of the others.  He replied, "well, infertility is a symptom".  That's when he really pissed me off.  Maybe I'm being too sensitive, but it really got to me.  I told him that our main issue in getting pregnant was my husband.  My ovaries were the second, less serious issue.  Doctors have looked at every nook and cranny of my body for the past two years, I'm pretty sure if I had endometriosis, they would have found it.

Now I realize, you can have endometriosis without having symptoms, and a laparoscopy is really the only way to definitively diagnose it.  BUT - this doctor is not an expert in fertility matters.  He's the one who put me on clomid without suggesting that my husband should also get checked out.  He's the one who pooh-poohed my concerns when I told him I suspected I have a luteal phase defect ("those don't really exist", he said).  Actually, I do have one.  This is the doctor who told me last year that he would see me when I'm pregnant after I had just told him about our failed IVF attempt.  

So now I definitely have to get a new doctor.  Lucky me, I have another year to do it.  

Another Counseling Session

I had another session with my therapist today.  I'm going to be meeting with her monthly up until we do our frozen transfer with our last embryo around March of next year.

We did another session of EMDR (go here for a description of what that is).

We started off with her asking me what feelings I had or what I thought about most when I thought of the upcoming transfer.  My answer was that I can't help but think that it is not going to work, given the fact two fresh cycles of IVF didn't work.  Statistically, frozen transfers are less successful than fresh cycles.  Basically, this is a last ditch effort so that I can say that I've done everything I can do.

Then she asked what I could do to think about it more positively.  I couldn't come up with anything.  We talked about my current job situation and how something shitty (my new co-worker being brought in two pay grades above me) forced me to value myself enough to apply for another internal job.  That in turn made my boss give me a promotion.

I thought about it some and began thinking about how this time around I'm in a much better place.  I'm going to therapy, will be starting accupuncture, am getting back in shape, etc.  Also, since this is a frozen transfer, I won't be pumped full of follistim and feel like shit.  Keeping all that in mind, she suggested to try to not concentrate on percentages of success/failure, but to instead focus on my body being open and accepting for the transfer.  During the final round of the EMDR, she asked me to come up with either a word or visualization (or both) that symbolized this for me.  For whatever reason, the first thing that came to mind was a flower, specifically a daisy.  I saw it growing from a seed, like you see in time-lapse photography.  It almost seems like too much of a cliche to me (seed, growth - could be growth of an embryo or at the same time the personal growth I'm doing now).  I guess my mind works best with cliches.  I've always said I lack originality.  :)

I left the session feeling very positive about it, which is what we're trying to accomplish so I feel good about that.

Decisions

About a month ago Eric and I had to sit down and have a serious discussion.  We got a certified letter from our clinic about our lone frozen embryo.  A year has passed and we needed to decide what we were going to do with it.  Eric wanted to donate it.  He's pretty much done with this whole process.  I thought and thought and thought about it and knew that I would never be at peace with that decision.  I would always wonder if that was the one that finally worked.

So we decided to pay the $300 to store it for another year.  We also discussed at which point we want to transfer it.  I brought up donor embryos.  Our clinic has a donor embryo program so I asked if he would at least go there with me to discuss it.  My plan was to take our one embryo, combine it with some donor embryos and transfer them all at once to increase our chances of success.

We spoke with our doctor and he said they've never done that before, but he could talk with the other doctors and see what their opinion was.  He did say that he would rather us transfer our one by itself first before moving on to donor embryos.

After discussing the financial aspect of it, we have decided that we're not going to do the donor program.  I don't think Eric would ever be totally comfortable with it anyway.  It costs twice as much to do a transfer with donor embryos.

So here is the plan:  in about ten months we're going to transfer our embryo (March 2012).  I'm spending the time between now and then to get in shape, lose weight, basically prepare myself as much as I can.  I'm going to start accupuncture (didn't do that last time around).  I have a meeting with my therapist tomorrow.  My emotional health is just as important as my physical health.  I want to do everything that I can to make this work.

If it doesn't work, we have decided that we are done.  We won't be adopting.  No more IVF cycles.  We'll be living child-free.  Obviously, that's not what we want, but at this point I can't do anymore.  I feel like I've lost 2 or  years of my life.  I just turned 30 and I find myself wondering what happened to years 26-29.  I'm tired of being in limbo and I just want to move on.  That's part of what I'll be working on with my therapist.  Being able to move on and be ok with it.

I'm sure at that point we'll have to have a discussion with our parents to let them know we won't ever be having children if it comes down to that.  Neither of our mothers seem to be able to accept that as an option.

Advocacy Day 2011 Recap

I am so glad that I made the decision to go to DC for Advocacy Day.  I had such an amazing time.  There were two other participants from Alabama, both in my Resolve Support Group.  We all shared a hotel room to cut down on costs.

We got up super early the day of because we had to catch the Metro into the city (our hotel was in Virginia).  We had breakfast and listened to some speakers and then got some training on what we were going to discuss in our meetings.  Risa Levine gave the keynote speech and it made me cry.  Keiko (from here) posted an excerpt from her speech and I'm going to paste it here.

Wherever you are in this process, I know how hard it is for you to be here. How hard it is for you to identify with this disease that has stripped you of your identity. How hard it is to say "I am infertile".

I want you to think about all of the diseases you've experienced personally or through friends and family. I want you to think about how you or others have been affected by those diseases but how your infertility has redefined how you see yourself and how you relate to every one else in the whole universe. How unfair the unwarranted shame and loneliness has been. I want you to think about your own goals and dreams and self definition and for some of you, the retirement village in Florida that you will never join because you can't compete in the grandchildren wars. I want you to think about all of the times you bought Girl Scout cookies to support your friends' children and all of the times you heard that children are our nation's future. And I want you to believe that YOUR right to have YOUR disease treated so that YOU can have children whose cookies can be bought or whose health care should be provided for are just as important as everyone else's. And then, I want you to walk into Congressional offices today with the confidence that you are justified, no, righteously compelled and duty bound to demand that the treatment and cure of infertility be a priority in our national agenda of providing health care to the people of this country.

Like I said, I was holding back tears at the end.  We next talked about the three key issues we were concentrating on in our meetings.  
1. Infertility is a disease.
2. Infertility Tax Credit.
3. The CDC's National Action Plan for Infertility
You can go to the link above to read more about these.

Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz came and also gave a speech, but I didn't get to hear it because we had an early appointment.  We took a taxi to Capitol Hill and found Senator Shelby's office for our first appointment.  We were there early, and it turned out to be a good thing because we ran into him as he was leaving his office.

We were able to talk with him for a few minutes and get a picture with him.

We met with his aide who literally looked like a 12 year old boy.  I chose to talk about the IVF tax credit since that's something I could have really used the past two years.  

The next appointment was at Senator Sessions's office.  

I felt like this meeting went much smoother than the first, probably because we were warmed up and not as nervous.  The aide we spoke with was very nice, asked us questions and seemed genuinely interested in what we had to say.  At the end he said he had to commend us, because if he were in our place, he would probably be too embarrassed to do what we were doing.  I think he meant that as a compliment.  :)  

Our next appointment wasn't until that afternoon so we spent some time walking around to Alabama reps' offices and dropping off information flyers.  We ran into the Secret Service outside the White House and convinced them to take a picture with us.  It was hilarious.  They were pretty wary about it at first, but agreed to do it.

Another pic outside the White House:

The last appointment was with my Representative's aide.  I think this meeting was the best of all.  He actually mentioned that he think his parents used fertility treatments in order to have him.  He wasn't sure what though and said that he was going to talk to his mother about it.  He was also very interested in the Tax Credit (we have a sponsor in Congress and are looking for a sponsor in the House).  

All in all, it was a great day.  I've spoken about infertility before, but never to this extent and never in such a public forum.  It was very empowering and affirming.  I feel like I was part of something that can actually make a difference.  

The work isn't done by any means.  I have lots of following up to do.  I also plan on sending a letter to everyone who donated to help make the trip possible for me in order to fill them in on what was accomplished.

Last but not least, I met Trinity in person!  I've read her blog for quite a while now and it was great to actually meet her.  

I've been fired up since I got home from DC.  I would totally work for Resolve (and let them know that while I was there).  This is definitely something that I will do again.

 

Finally some good news!

I have a couple of things to post about, namely Advocacy Day in DC and our recent appointment with our RE, but first some good work news for a change:

My boss asked if he could speak with me today in his office.  He informed me that the promotion I've been asking for for over a year has finally been approved.  He also asked if I had applied for another job because he got a vague email from HR about it.  I did, and I think that's what finally put the bug in his ass to get the promotion signed off on.

Hopefully, if it goes as it should, I should get an 8% pay increase, on top of the 2.5% I just got at my last review.  It's about damn time.

I'll still be looking for a new job externally.  This job and my boss have shit on me so much that they could double my salary and I still wouldn't stay.  The extra pay will be nice in the meantime though.  :)

DC Bound!

I'm leaving early tomorrow morning for Advocacy Day!

I participated in the phone training last night and am really excited about participating.  If anyone is going and wants to meet up, let me know.

I'll try to post while I'm there, but more than likely it will have to wait for a full write up when I get back Saturday night.  I'm visiting a friend in Annapolis when Advocacy day is done, so that's why I'm getting home so late.

Speechless

Yesterday was insane.  I'm sure those of you who live in the U.S. heard about the tornado outbreak yesterday.

I woke up at 5:30 am to the loudest wind I have ever heard.  A minute later the power went out.  When the sun came up we saw two trees in our neighbor's yard.  One fell and knocked the other down with it.  Our power stayed off while Eric was getting ready for work.  I was staying home because I've been sick.

Throughout the day I watched the news.  The forecasters had been warning for days that some extremely bad weather was coming.  They were right.  I tried to nap during the day because I knew the bad weather was coming that afternoon/evening.  Eric came home from work early and we got the generator hooked up because the power was still off.  We plugged in the fridge and the tv so that we could watch the weather.

We're watching and they mention that there is a tornado in Tuscaloosa.  I went to college at the University of Alabama in Tuscaloosa.  We now live about 30 minutes northeast of there.  They managed to get a video feed of the tornado from a camera atop the courthouse.  That thing was MASSIVE.  I was freaking out.  I texted my friend Andrea who lives in Tuscaloosa to make sure she was in a safe place.  She told me she was hiding out in her bathroom with a co-worker.  I have never felt so helpless as I did when I watched the huge tornado go straight through downtown Tuscaloosa.  There are no words to describe that feeling.  There are whole neighborhoods gone.  A strip mall gone.  The landscape is totally changed.

After it left Tuscaloosa it started heading towards us.  Then I really started to freak out.  They said it was on Highway 216 heading towards Lake View.  That's where we live.  I rounded up the dog, Eric got the cat and we put on our bike helmets.  We debated where to hide.  We don't have a basement and the interior of our house is a wide open space.  We decided on the laundry room if it came to that, all the while watching the news.  Luckily for us, the tornado turned north and missed us.  It kept going to Birmingham.  I work in Birmingham, another 30 miles northeast of us.  The city of Pleasant Grove got hit really hard.  North Birmingham also got hit hard.

All in all more than 200 people in Alabama are confirmed dead.  All of my friends and family are accounted for and I'm thankful for that.  We're still without power and probably won't get it back for a few days.  I still can't quite believe it.

Here are some videos of the tornado and the resulting damage:





Pictures:

http://www.facebook.com/media/set/fbx/?set=a.1851384337129.102012.1616390795

Weird how it all comes rushing back

The past few months have been better than normal.  I'm getting back into life so to speak.  I joined weight watchers, rejoined the gym, have been reconnecting with friends who I haven't seen in way too long.  Facebook pregnancy announcements weren't even bothering me that much.  Until a couple of days ago.  A guy who was in my MBA class posted that he was going to have a daughter soon.  That one hit me hard.  I don't know what it was about his announcement that affected me like countless others haven't.  I went to his wedding.  It feels like it was just yesterday, but it was actually about 4 years ago.  Time is flying by.

My birthday was last week.  I turned 30.  Officially an adult now.  I didn't really stress about turning 30.  It's just one of those things.  Everyone gets older.  Eric threw me a surprise party which was very sweet of him.  He's not a party planning kind of person.

We got our letter in the mail a couple of weeks ago about our frozen embryo.  We have to decide what to do with it.  Either pay to store it another year, transfer it, donate it to research, discard it, or donate it to another couple.  I know what I want to do, but I don't think it's what Eric wants to do.  We'll probably end up just paying to store it another year until I muster up the courage to have that discussion with him.

Work is still awful.  I've been asking my boss for a promotion for quite a while now.  He agrees that I deserve one, but hasn't done everything that he needs to get it for me.  Meanwhile, we hire a new guy who does the same job as me and he's two grades higher than me.  Plus I have to train him.  Talk about insulting.  I'm about to apply for an internal job right now.  I've got to get out of here.

Attention Alabamians!

RESOLVE needs your help.  We have just  learned that on Wednesday, April 13 (tomorrow) the Alabama House will hold a public hearing on HB405, a Personhood bill, and HB409, which would create a Constitutional Amendment to the Alabama Constitution to define a fertilized egg as a person.   RESOLVE and ASRM oppose both bills.  Citizens of Alabama can testify at this hearing and will have 5-10 minutes each to talk.   RESOLVE is seeking a patient who is willing to testify at this hearing.   The ideal person will be a man or woman who may need medical treatment, such as IVF, to have a biological child. If you have had a child via IVF, you would also be an ideal person to testify. The Personhood bill would have severe implications on the practice of fertility medicine in Alabama. RESOLVE will help you with your testimony and provide background information.

The hearings are at the Alabama State House:

11 South Union Street, Montgomery AL 36130

The hearing begins at 9 am CDT in the “Star Wars Room” on the 8th floor.

If you are interested, please contact Barb Collura at bcollura@resolve.org. Executive Director of RESOLVE.

For more information:

Link to RESOLVE’s webpage with bill information, click on Alabama: http://www.resolve.org/resources/the-center-for-infertility-justice.html#AL

Link to RESOLVE’s Personhood policy, and why RESOLVE opposes all Personhood legislation:http://www.resolve.org/about/personhood-legislation.html

Article written by an Oklahoma physician about Personhood legislation: http://newsok.com/fetal-personhood-bills-a-bad-idea/article/3545966#ixzz1FlLxRqCs

Thank you!!!

Tanya

Tanya M. Coogan

Manager, Constituent Services

RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association

(P) 703-556-7176

(F) 703-506-3266

www.resolve.org