Ella Ruby's Birth Story

This story really has to start from the very beginning of my pregnancy with Ella. I had a pretty uneventful and normal pregnancy until 12 weeks. One night while at the dinner table, I started bleeding heavily. Danny and I were in complete shock. I thought I was having a miscarriage and was devastated. Danny, on the other hand, knew that everything was going to be fine......much like the scare we had in the beginning with sweet Emily. I remember our dear friends rushing over to take care of Emily so we could go to the hospital, and me kissing her goodbye thinking we were not going to be giving her a sibling. We learned at the hospital, that our baby was fine, but that I had a condition called placenta previa. It is where the placenta is covering the opening of the cervix, and can cause bleeding and if the placenta does not move out of the way in time for delivery, it is an automatic c-section. We were overjoyed that the baby was okay, but worried as my bleeding continued for another month. I prayed everyday for the bleeding to stop because I knew it would get serious fast if it didn't. I could also hemorrhage at any time, causing harm to the baby and I. We lived on pins and needles for the rest of my pregnancy.

With Emily, we had an all natural hospital birth with an OB. While it went good, there were many things we would have done differently. Before I found out about my placenta previa, I was extremely interested in seeing a midwife for care and having the baby in our home. Because previa is high risk, I did see two OBs throughout the first half of my pregnancy. Previa is one of the top two conditions where a c-section is the only way for delivery. If the placenta is birthed before the baby, it would cause a hemorrhage and put mother and baby at a severe risk. Even though our OBs were great, and on top of my previa situation, Danny and I both felt that we were just over the "medical" feel for our pregnancy. We wanted something more out of it, and knew there was a large chance my placenta would move out of the way before I delivered. We prayed that my placenta would move so we would be able to have a home birth with our amazing midwife. I did everything in my power to "help" my placenta move. I prayed, took herbal pills to help tone my uterus, visualized it moving away, used positive affirmations and finally, when I literally could do nothing else myself, I left it in God's hands. Only then was I at peace. I knew if my baby and I were fine, and a c-section was to be written by Him into my journey, then I would be at complete peace with it. I would embrace my path no matter what it looked like, and even if it was not the path I had hoped for. Many paths I have been given aren't the ones I would have drawn out for myself, but the good Lord knows exactly what He's doing because every single one of them made me into the person I am now. I trusted Him with this path as well.

At 17 weeks pregnant, my bleeding had stopped. That was also around the time we made the move to Abilene and had our first appointment with our midwife. We met with her, told her our story, and fell in love with her and the process for caring for our sweet baby. She spoke to us as if we were completely capable of making choices on our own (what a concept!) and we didn't have to hear for the millionth time to "remember to heat up your lunch meat!" or have to tell my entire pregnancy history each appt like I had to do with my OBs. She knew us extremely well, LOVED Emily (Emily was involved in every single appointment and loved going to see "Miss Carol"), her goal was our goal.....bringing our baby into the world as safely, naturally, and peacefully as possible. The care from our midwife is something I wish ALL mothers could experience. It is absolutely incredible and you are never just another number, and neither is the baby. Before Carol would check on Ella, she would talk to her through my belly and tell her what she was doing. After every appt Carol prayed with us. It was just the most amazing care I could ever ask for. I could go on for days about it. But anyways, at 22 weeks we had decided to get an ultrasound to check if my placenta had moved. It hadn't moved completely, and just a tip of it was covering the cervix. This was pretty devastating news to me because I knew most previa cases moved by 20 weeks if they were going to resolve. Danny and Carol were still extremely hopeful and that encouraged me. We had one more ultrasound at 37 weeks to check.......it had moved!!!! We were in the clear, Ella was no longer at risk, and we were going to be able to bring her into the world the safest way we felt possible. We were over the moon!

So, with that said, here is Ella Ruby's home birth story......

I was 39 weeks and 3 days along and that evening I felt a couple weird twinges. I told Danny I felt funny and just had a feeling something was up. I started baking a few things that I wanted ready for my birth team, and cleaned up the house a bit just in case I went to labor. Funny thing about a home birth, everyone comes over to your house instead of you just going to the hospital so I wanted the house to be as in order as we could get with a toddler running around ;) We went to sleep around 1AM and at 5AM I woke up with contractions. I thought 5AM was crazy because that's the exact time I woke up having contractions with Emily too. These were already much stronger than what I woke to with Em though. I woke Danny up and called my mom. I've never had false labor with either labor, so I had a feeling this was it. I called our midwife and told her I thought my contractions were lasting 20 seconds long. She said it sounded like dehydration contractions, so she told me to drink a lot of water and call her back in an hour if they hadn't gone away. Danny didn't think they were only 20 seconds long, so we downloaded an app to time them. Sure enough, they were about a minute long and 3-4 minutes apart. (Looking back now, this is the stage I topped out at with Emily, they never got any closer together. This labor, they started there and never got any closer together either, even during transition and the pushing stage, which is an amazing rest for pushing). I called Carol back and she said she would be on her way!

We started getting the room ready, getting dressed, calling the photographer, and timing more contractions. I was up doing things the whole time and only stopped when I had a contraction. Due to that, I didn't think I was that far along in labor. I knew Emily was going to be up around 8:30, and I knew my mom probably wouldn't make the 4 hour drive in time. So I called my cousin, who by some amazing act of God was off work that day, and so was her husband. I asked her if she could come over and watch Emily because I was in labor. She said of course and asked how far apart were my contractions. I told her about 3-4 minutes and she said "Ok I'm up, I'm coming over." Haha! It was such a complete blessing that she was able to be there. Right before Carol arrived at 7am, was when I decided I could no longer walk around and I needed to lay in the bed. She came in and it was like an even more so calm came over me. She checked me and I was already at 6CM! She said "We need to start deciding how you want to have the baby (positioning) because I've had mothers go from a 6 to a 10 in 10 minutes!" I was still in shock I was so close, and decided that I was going to birth by leaning over my bed. Seemed like an easy transition since I was already in bed, I'd just flip around to push. Having her in the bathtub was also an option, but during labor I had absolutely no desire to get in the water. I'm a land birther I guess, ha! I labored on the toilet for a bit because, just like with Emily, I felt like I had to poop. I also threw up and lost my mucus plug around that time, so I knew it was almost time! I labored in bed with Danny for another hour and a half. I visualized my contractions, breathed the pain away, visualized Ella moving towards the birth canal, and just completely turned into myself. These contractions were painful, but, just like with Em, I was not on my death bed by any means and they were definitely manageable.

I began to feel the need to push so I told Carol, and we all got into our spots. I pushed as contractions came every 3-4 minutes. The breaks my body gave me with those minutes were priceless! These pushes with Ella were a lot more intense but much more effective than they were with Emily solely because of positioning. I was laying on my back with Em, and I was squatting, working with gravity with Ella. I would push and then sit back down on the floor to wait for another contraction. I could feel Ella moving down the birth canal.....it was incredible. When I would push, her head would crown and then go back up. This same thing happened with Emily and it was discouraging. I was trying and pushing so hard but she kept going back in! Danny, Carol, and our photographer, Karyn, were saying things to encourage me, and it was a big help. I pushed for about 30 minutes and then I looked up and saw that Emily had just come into the room. I was ELATED to see her and we just loved and kissed on each other. She gave me the strength I needed to go on. I needed to birth her little sissy! With those kisses, it's like Emily knew those were our last moments of a family of three, because with the next contraction, I pushed Ella's head out far enough where it stayed out and didn't go back in. I pushed another time and her head was out!! We heard what sounded like a tiny cat meowing, but it was our sweet girl! With one more push her body came out and Carol handed her to me from between my legs. I cradled her little warm body as I watched Danny and Emily's faces light up in awe of this little miracle. We were all so excited! Everyone helped me turn around to sit on the bed and we just starred at Ella. She was perfect! I had to check to make sure she was a girl, and she was :) I delivered the placenta, Carol gave me a couple homeopathic things to help with bleeding, and I watched as Ella latched on to nurse.

We did it......we were a family of four! Emily said she smelled like bananas and peaches! Haha! We all snuggled in bed for a couple of hours just loving on baby Ella. Then Carol did a newborn check and she weighed 7lbs 2oz, was 20 1/2 inches long, and had a 13.5 inch head. Perfect all around! My mom came in to see us and we were SO excited to see her! My cousin, Cherish, was also so sweet and made sure I was drinking water and eating something. With Emily I had a second degree tear, but with Ella I just had a "nick" that didn't even require stitches. I know this was due to positioning and letting my body do most of the work. With Em, I pushed for far too long (2 hours) in that same awful position and that's why I tore. It's amazing to me that I can compare my natural hospital birth with my natural home birth and see why things happened in the hospital the way they did. Interesting :)

It was just such a perfect morning to be born! Ella was born at 9AM after a flawless four hour labor at home. This was one of the most amazing experiences of our lives and we would absolutely choose this route again in a heartbeat. This is birth and I'm so grateful we were given this path to take. I pray by sharing our story, that it inspires others to open that door to learning more about having midwife care, natural birthing, and/or a home birth. Our society as a whole fears birth and has turned it into a very medical process when it does not need to be in most cases. If you have a low risk pregnancy, you are statistically safer delivering with a midwife. It was the safest option for us and we risked absolutely nothing by choosing it. I pray more women gain their voices through stories like this and stand up for what they want out of the birthing of their child. Many have called us brave for choosing this, but I don't think we were brave at all. I trusted my body, and our midwife, and knew we would have handled anything that came our way. Along with Emmy's birth, this was the most empowering moment of my life. With the support of my amazing doula husband, we brought a perfect baby girl into this world, trusted my body, and rocked a home birth!

Our amazing photographer, Karyn of In Bloom Photography (inbloomimages.com), captured the entire labor/birth. We are so grateful to her and we will cherish this birth story slideshow forever! Grab the tissues :) http://www.smilebox.com/playBlog/4e4441354d6a63334d44493d0d0a&blogview=true

Our breastfeeding journey

Before my daughter was born, I decided I wanted to breastfeed. I had a lot of self doubt about my ability to carry it out though. It seemed so natural, right? That's the way a baby should eat and our bodies make the food, so why shouldn't it be a piece of cake? A few of my friends had a very hard time with it, so it made me aware that it wasn't as easy as I was hoping.

When Emily was born, she was a champ nurser. We definitely both had to learn from each other, work together and we had our fair share of ups and downs. During those early weeks, it was incredibly hard. It was SO painful, and it wasn't because she had a bad latch or position, it was just my boobs getting used to having a vacuum on them at all times. I can remember nursing sessions where Emily's head would be wet from my tears because it was so incredibly painful and defeating. "When will I ever enjoy this?" I thought. "I am a horrible mother for not being able to fix this" is something Danny heard many times. By two weeks I was in a complete fog and I remember talking to my friend and asking her how long she breastfed for. She told me 6 weeks and I felt like I could NEVER make it that long. But we did. I just kept feeding her. 

Those two weeks turned into 9 and that's when we found out Emily had a milk protein allergy and severe reflux. We went to two different pediatricians who basically told me to stop breastfeeding and put her on formula. After seeing blood in Emily's diapers, and living through her screaming 24/7 for the first two months, hearing this was devastating. I thought I would be hurting her by not switching to formula. I cried at the thought of not being able to breastfeed her anymore. We had worked so hard to get there, and I didn't want to let it go. Due to sheer desperation, one night we decided to see if she would take the bottle of formula. I cried inconsolably as I mixed it up. I was not ready to do something I didn't feel was right for us and I was about to throw all of our hard work away. I tried to give her the bottle, but she just cried harder and harder. I can still remember the overwhelming motherly instinct in me that was telling me to put down the bottle and put her at my breast. All she knew was me. All she wanted was me. And that's what I gave her. At that moment, despite pediatricians and even family members telling me to do otherwise, I knew we would push through with breast feeding.

In order for Emily to get better, I had to become dairy free with my diet. I had to cut out eating almost everything I was used to and learn how to adapt to a new diet. Because of this, I lost 20 pounds under my pre-pregnancy weight. I looked and felt awful and my sanity was gone, but I came second to being able to feed my daughter. Over the next year and a half, we went through many other breastfeeding obstacles like mastitis and intra ductal yeast. We pushed through it all.

After 18 months of being dairy free, Emily was finally able to handle dairy through my diet again, so I was able to eat normally. Funny how things happen though, because the only thing I eat now that has dairy is cheese. I found much healthier alternatives for all other dairy items. 

I am proud to say, we are almost at two years and still going strong with breastfeeding. So when you see me talk about breastfeeding, or being proud of still breastfeeding, you now know the struggles we faced to get here. I kept my daughter alive and thriving with my own body. Only I had the parts to feed her. It was not an easy road, but I'm thankful for it. I'm thankful I made the best decision for our family. I feel blessed that I had the best support system in my husband and my mother. I now know why I was handed this path and it was to help others through the same struggles. Mothers now come to me for breastfeeding and allergy advice. Me! The same person who was crying for days on end at week two thinking she couldn't do it anymore. I firmly believe God hands us things in our paths, so when we reach the other side, we can reach back with outstretched arms to pull the next mother through the hard times. 

If you are reading this and are struggling with breastfeeding, or a fussy baby due to food allergies, please know you are not alone. I would love to help you and you WILL make it through. I promise.

New things with Emily

I had planned on doing blogs every six months or so from here on out, but our sweet girl is just growing SO much that I really need to write it down. I don't want to forget anything and this is my way of remembering it all. So this is what's new with Em from 18 months until now (20 months).....

Her favorite sayings are: poop in dere (poop in there, ie her diaper), see me (pick me up), hold you (pick me up), I found 'em!, wok dis way (walk this way, when holding her), two milks (she wants to have both sides while nursing)

She can count to 15 and identify the numbers
Says and identifies all ABCs
Speaks in 3-6 word sentences
Longest sentence "Uh oh, what happened to the blue one?"
Says and identifies all colors (blue, red, black, brown, yellow, green, orange, white, link and purple)
Says and identifies shapes (circle, triangle, rectangle, oval, square, star and heart)
Loves bubble baths and "swimming" in the tub
She can color sort things
Loves to sing twinkle twinkle little star, "Toys away", and her "good morning Emily" song
Can read three books "Who says that?" "ABC book" and "Opposites"
She can hold a conversation and will repeat and retain anything we say
Anytime we asked her if she has pooped (when we know she has) she says "Nope!"
Anytime I get out the broom, she will go get her little broom and say to herself "Thank you for helping Emily!"
When she hears something and wants me to hear, she puts her hand up to her ear and says "Listen! A sound!"


My favorite, above all, is definitely when she says "Tank too mommy" (thank you) and "I yuve yoo mommy!"

The house that built me: A goodbye to 9065B Frazier St

9065B Frazier St is the house that we called home for the past five years. It was about 1400 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 2 baths, built in the 1950s and had two of the most beautiful Oak trees you have ever seen. I absolutely adored this house. Even though it was base housing, we got to pick it. I remember when our journey started at Laughlin; Danny and I went and scoped out a few of the empty houses before we met with (what was then called) Pinnacle, the housing company. We were shown three, and none of them were 9065B Frazier. If you know Laughlin AFB housing, you know that one side of the street, the houses are updated, but not the other. I cried when the other three houses were on the "not updated" side and we begged the director to let us have 9065B. She said we would have to wait a bit until it was ready for move in, and we were more than happy to. It's quite funny how things turn out, because a house we were supposed to be in for just a year for UPT, turned out to be five. I know God picked this beautiful house for us, and gave it to us to make amazing memories in for the five years we were there.

It was not big, nor beautiful, nor updated, and some would venture to say it was not worth our BAH rate, but it was to me. I loved that house and often thought it would be awesome if those walls/trees could talk. The stories it could tell of how military life had evolved in the past 60 years, the families that lived in that house, the families that were started in that house, the dreams realized and possibly broken in that house, it's all so fascinating to think about.

But for our story, all of our dreams were realized in that house. Danny and I were married, Danny realized his dream of becoming a Pilot, we were blessed with becoming parents, I realized my dream of being a mother, we brought Emily home, we watched our marriage and daughter grow in that house. We went through the hardest and most wonderful times there. Danny found out he was going to be a daddy in the back bedroom, Emily took her first steps in the kitchen, we found out what plane Danny was going to be flying in the driveway. I will always and forever remember the sound of the screen door when Danny came home, and the squeals from Emily that followed. I will remember planting flowers and taking many seasons to find out exactly what plants work in what parts of the yard. I will remember how Emily's swing that we put in the tree made a squeaky sound as we pushed her. I will remember putting her diapers out on the clothesline. I will remember filling the bird feeder and watching 6-10 gorgeous Cardinals everyday. I will remember the smell of laundry as we took stroller walks around the neighborhood. I will remember the tree lined streets and how it was so peaceful and quiet on Laughlin. I will remember hearing the three trainers flying overhead, and being able to pinpoint exactly which one was going overhead and if they were in the pattern.

I watched our entire lives and our memories be packed away in about 12 hours. As Danny and I sat in the middle of the living room floor in our empty house, it was hard for me to accept that we would never be coming "home" again. We would never pull into that drive, see Emily at the sliding glass door, or open that front door again. We took one last heartbreaking walk through that house, as if to try to capture and remember our memories. I pray the next family makes as many memories as we did, and then takes them with them as they close the door for the last time.

I will cherish all of our memories. I feel incredibly blessed to have been stationed here and to watch my husband accomplish something many only dream of doing. It was an honor and I thank God for letting this be our first assignment. There could not have been a better one! I'm excited we are opening up a new chapter in our lives, but 9065B Frazier and Laughlin will always hold a special place in my heart.

Months 15-18 of Life with Emily

Emily is now a year and a half old. Just typing that is bittersweet. This time last year I started planning her first birthday party, so I guess I should start planning her second. But it feels like she just had one! *sigh* This is my absolute favorite stage. She is so much fun to be around and is an amazing communicator, so it's incredibly easy to talk to her, have her understand and respond back. I'm excited to blog about everything she is doing now, so I'll dive in!

Stats: 24 pounds, and in 18M clothes. She is on the third snap setting and highest rise on her cloth diapers. I don't know how tall she is, but she's a shorty :)

New stuff: Emily now has 13 teeth. She has all of her one year molars, four top, four bottom and one of her eye teeth just came through. I think she's working on the rest of those, too. At 13 months and at 17 months she had a complete vocab explosion. It happened overnight, and words she was not saying oen day, she was saying the next. At 13 months she had 23 words, at 14 months she had 41 words and by 18 months we are now at over 300 words. I've stopped counting because she will repeat anything we say and retains it. I'm pretty sure she's in line to replace Kelly Rippa ;) She knows all of her animals and the sounds they make. She also knows 90% of letters. She knows 6 colors and we are working on the rest. It's such a blessing for her to be able to ask for what she needs! I'm not a good mind reader, so this worked out ;) She is developmentally on track with a two year old. I like to say she gets her big brain from her daddy and her heart from me ;) Emily loves to swing and run around outside. She loves coloring, bubbles, stacking blocks, her iPad, playing kitchen, and sweeping with her broom. She is such a loving and affectionate little girl. She loves to read books. She says "tank you" (thank you) and "Bess you!" when we sneeze. She will say "suse me!" when she is trying to get through somewhere or if she toots. She says mammy (grammy), nana, tus-tin (Uncle Justin), Lessy (Lexi) and Skeek (Squeak).

Schedule: Em goes to bed at 8 and gets up at 7 for the day. She sleeps all night and has since 14.5 months. She is at one nap a day around noon and it ranges from 1-2 hours, typically.

Eating: Emily is still breastfeeding 3 times a day; Morning, at nap time and at bedtime. We LOVE this schedule and I don't see her weaning anytime soon. She's calling the shots with this one because it is a really good feeling to be able to still give her nutrition and strengthen her immune system. She has three meals a day with snacks in between. Breakfast is normally bananas, blueberries, cinnamon toast or pancakes. Lunch is turkey, ham, chicken nuggets, or meatballs with a fruit and veggie and maybe some crackers. Dinner is whatever we are having and she always gets avocado and mango with dinner.

Allergy: She has been able to tolerate dairy in my diet! We have been working on this for the past 4 months now and she is doing great. We are going to introduce dairy and strawberries in her diet slowly soon and see how it goes. We aren't in a big rush to do it because she doesn't need dairy and gets plenty of calcium through her diet and through me. Even when she is able to handle dairy, we will not be switching back to cows milk.....we prefer almond milk! Same with butter, we will continue to use our dairy free butter because it is so good. These things are so much healthier for our family!

Sleep: Emily goes to bed without a peep after nursing. She cuddles her sally seahorse, GiGi, and I put her blankey on her and she's out. She sleeps all night!

Favorite things: Being outside, swinging, sliding, bubbles, banana popsicles, playing kitchen, running to daddy when he gets home, playing basketball with daddy, pillow fights with mommy, snuggling, Finding Nemo, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, all animals, hugging the dogs and going to Grammy's.

Cute things: When she nurses, she strokes her hair with her arm over her head. Around 16 months, she would get a bit confused with words and say, "mommy! mommy! mommy! mommy!...............(I mean) Daddy!!" Or we would ask her something and she would say "No, no, no, no.........(I mean) yes!" We would always wait for the right word at the end :) One time at the store, we put a carton of blueberries in the front seat with Emily. All of a sudden, Danny and I started stepping on tiny round blue balls and saw them scatter EVERYWHERE. We looked at Em and she had busted them open and had a chimpmunk-ish mouthful of them! All we could do was laugh :)

That's all for now! I'm excited about the memories we have ahead with our sweet girl, and I'm blessed for the ones we have made.

Months 13 & 14.5 of life with Emily

Emily had her one year checkup at 13 months and it went amazingly well. Our pediatrician wants to forego allergy testing and just keep her away from all high allergen foods. Her known allergies and sensitivities are dairy, soy, strawberries, tomatoes. We are holding off on all nuts, eggs, honey, and chocolate. Dr. Simone said she was growing beautifully and was thrilled that we are still breastfeeding. She definitely wants me to continue through the winter at least, but I know Emily won’t be letting go anytime soon, which is fine with me. She started asking us developmental questions about words Emily was saying and motor skills questions, and was shocked when we said she had a vocabulary of 23 words. She said that Emily is developmentally on track with an 18 month old. We were ecstatic! She told us Emily was not normal for this, but that is one “not normal” I’ll take anyday ;)


Stats: 20 lbs 7 oz (27th percentile), 29.25 inches long (36th percentile), 18M clothes, and on the 3rd snap setting on our cloth diapers on the highest rise.

New Stuff: Emily now has 9 teeth! Her bottom one year molar came through about a week ago and it was rough. She was fussy, didn’t want to eat many solids, had a rough time sleeping, and naps were non-existent. Poor thing :( This section is going to be crazy long because she is doing so many new things. She is a really great walker and is incredibly coordinated. Maybe she will love dance as much as mommy?! She now knows 41 words, 8 animal sounds, 3 colors (orange, blue and green), 7 signs (milk, more, diaper, shoo, eat, all done and where’d it go?), 8 body parts (eyes, ears, nose, mouth, toes, feet, hair and belly). In the mornings after she nurses, she will sit up and say “HI!!” and it’s the best way to wake up! She loves to play outside and pick flowers which she “smells” by blowing on them. She will “pat pat” the dogs and give them kisses. She waves byebye to everyone and to every car that goes by. She is SUCH a little observer. She will stand back and watch people and really take in everything they are doing. At playdates she is very much aware of what other kids are doing and loves to watch. She’s like a sponge and takes it all in. I’ve heard that having a hard baby=awesome toddler and that is 100% true for us so far. Emily has been a complete joy in her toddler days. She is still demanding at times, but she is the most kindhearted and loving little person. She would sit in our laps for hours just reading books. She will come over and give hugs and kisses. She does this new thing when she’s ready for her bath and she squats down and bounces, then she takes off for the tub! It is adorable.
Schedule: Emily will get up at 7-8 for the day. She naps at noon for 1-2 hours….even though 2 hour naps have not been the norm. We are trying to get rid of her evening nap, but sometimes it’s not worth the fight and we lay her down. She is in bed around 8:30-9.

Eating: Emily is nursing every 4 hours during the day, which is great. She eats 3 meals a day with two snacks of pouches that she loves. She is a picky eater, but I only offer her healthy things, and there’s not much more I can do than offer the food. For breakfast she gets bananas, blueberries, cheerios, cinnamon English muffins or waffles. Lunch she gets whole wheat chicken nuggets or meatballs, with grapes or mango or peaches and a steamed veggie. Dinner is grilled chicken, veggie infused noodles, grapes, mango, avocado, rice and maybe some roll….she likes bread!

Allergy: She still has her dairy and strawberry allergy. The rest we are waiting to test on. She has outgrown the soy allergy and I’m excited to say I’m fully back on soy in my diet! We have taken our pediatricians advice and slowly weaned her off of her prevacid. She is doing so well off of it! YAY for no meds!

Sleep: Emily wakes up normally just once overnight now to nurse. Our pedi does not want me to night wean her, and that’s relieving for me to hear because I did not want to. She sleeps a 7-8 hour stretch, nurse, and then another 2-3. Right now she is sleeping just 10 hours overnight….it should be 11 or 12 though. She is napping 1-2 hours during the day. She loves nursing to sleep for her nap and then I just lay her down with GiGi (her lovey) and blankie and she goes right to sleep. EDIT: now at 14.5 months, she woke up once at night and fussed for a second and went right back to sleep. So she made it over 10 hours without nursing. From that day forward, I knew she could make it without nursing overnight, and I have night weaned her. So exciting!

Favorite things: reading books, being outside, throwing herself backwards on the couches or her little chair, pushing her shopping cart, riding on dino, chewing on ice, chasing the dogs, being in the pantry, climbing in the fridge, throwing her purple ball, playing with our phones (she can open mine and goes to her play app), and play dates.

A letter to me.......a year earlier

As I put these pictures together, I began to think of everything that we had experienced in the past year. I found myself wishing I could write a letter from the veteran mother on the right, to the brand new mother on the left. I looked at myself on the left, starring into Emmy's eyes and wishing I could just give her a hug and tell her to hang on for the next 365 days. So, I decided that I wanted to write that letter.....here it goes!

Dear "new mom" Brittany,

What an amazing experience you have just went through! Your baby girl is here and perfect and I know you are on cloud nine. Soak it all in. Smell her sweet baby smell all day long. Take a mental note of her little grunts and noises, as they will soon fade. Snuggle her. Your hormones are going to cause you a lot of tears. Find peace in the fact that they will subside and you will stop crying a million times a day. On top of that, breastfeeding is going to be one of the hardest things you will ever do. The pain is normal, you are doing fine and I'm here to tell you, you WILL succeed. I know you could not see continuing past two weeks, but you will know what it's like to nurse a toddler.....just pray and hang in there. Snuggle her.

Your sweet girl is going to have a rough start, and you will not know why.When pediatricians tell you it is just normal infant gas, trust yourself that it is not. At two months, she will start to have blood in her diapers and it will be the scariest thing you will experience in your life. She has a dairy and soy allergy and has severe reflux. Cut out all dairy and soy and put her on a reflux med early. This new lifestyle and diet will be insanely overwhelming, but it will not overcome your determination to breastfeed Emily and give her the best. You will be questioned and have formula pushed on you by pediatricians, family and friends. Ignore them. You will save yourself a lot of heartache if you just trust your heart that you know what is best for her. Snuggle her.

You will read every book out there on infant sleep, vaccines, baby food, and parenting. Save your engery and go with your heart. You know what is best for her, just trust that. Snuggle her. There will be many dark times....lean on Danny and your mom. Cry to them, they will support you always. Relish the good times, the first smiles, the first coos, the new faces. Remember those moments when you are feeling sad. Your Sweet Peas Mom's group will be more of a support and resource than you could ever imagine. They will ease your heart and worries on anything you can think of. Post there, and post often.

I know sometimes you will think that you are not cut out to be a mother, that you can't deal with it all, and that you are ruining this precious gift from God......please hear me when I say you ARE a good mother. You are the BEST mother that sweet girl could ever have. You will get through this, you've just got to have faith. The early days with Emily will be rough, but the sleepless nights, screaming, blood, and everything else is just a phase. THIS TOO SHALL PASS. It all passes and too quickly. God gave you this journey because he knew you would be strong for Emily. You will learn more from her in this next year, than you learned in 26 years on your own. When you feel like giving up, when you can give no more, when you think you are not cut out for this.......picture your sweet girl giving you the biggest hug and kiss. That WILL happen and it suddenly makes every single thing worth it. It's all worth it. Just pray, give her too many kisses and pray some more. And snuggle, lots of snuggles.

Love,
Me