Let 6 Months of Mowing Hell Commence

Mr. Mows All The Time mowed this morning. He mowed on Wednesday or Thursday of last week. It hasn't rained here in I can't remember how long. So, how much plutonium is he using to justify mowing twice a week, as he will do until hell, er, the lawns freeze over in late October?

Yesterday my wife went to read on the garden bench in the morning. Read with an iPod even. She came in because our neighbor to the right began mowing his lawn.

Then as I was grilling dinner, the neighbor to the left mowed her lawn. Peaceful tranquility, let me tell you. I so enjoy the garden.

Saturday morning I was grading essays at the kitchen table, and slid open the porch door to some lovely weather. Within 10 minutes the back neighbor, on 3 acres, comes plodding along on his sit-down mower--WITH GIANT EAR PROTECTORS ON (like you'd see, oh, on aircraft carriers). What does that tell you? He had to mow his weeds, and I got to close my door and breathe my polluted indoor air.

This nonstop buzzing and whirling has me going insane. Two of my neighbors, including Mr. Mows All The Time, complete their 45-60 minute mowing cycles with blowing lawn clippings around. Mind you, we have 20-30mph winds quite often that cleanly and cheaply blow these clippings back on to the lawn.

Sometimes, I feel like the sooner we kill ourselves the better off the few of us left behind might be in the long run. That's a bad way to look at things, I know. Do people really enjoy mowing their lawn? Is this leisure time, connect with nature time, joie de vivre? Spewing stats at people does nothing--we have to feel the problem, emotionally. I need to figure this out. I'm tired of living an emotionally / culturally / socially constipated life.