I have moved- change your links!!!

http://diggingalot.org/diggingalot/

Nothing to see here..... move along now.......

http://diggingalot.org/diggingalot/

Change your links to

http://diggingalot.org/diggingalot/

visit me...take my count up...inflate my ego....

http://diggingalot.org/diggingalot/

I'm leaving!

Well.....leaving blogger anyway and moving to a new site 'soon' (and by the way, whichever way you look at it- the above picture is 'wrong'. Why would you need to move a church building anyway- why not demolish or do without? Hasn't this been the western Christian way- 'church' is something fixed, immutable and unchanging.... grrrrr). If I have time, it will be tonight....although you know that a good minister never has time; he (and it is always he, never forget that) is too busy (business is a sign of holiness) doing church stuff.....being overweight, having bad hair etc to ever have time to do normal things...

This will be the site: http://diggingalot.org/diggingalot/ it is still being constructed- so it is not complete. I like it- a friend in Seattle, an all round good egg, is completing it...

It will be just like moving into a new house- getting used to it, working out what works and eventually being proud of a functioning space. Hmmm, so nothing like a manse then, which is rarely new, often doesn't function and 'OK that is fit for the tip and we were going to tip it, but we wondered whether you want it' (mayhaps a smidgen of irony there.... just a smidgen...).



While I'm at it, isn't a blog the ultimate vanity project, like the 18th century gentleman's habit of wearing powdered wigs? We laugh at powdered wigs now, but then...... they were just as trendy and upper class as insulting someone of a different ethnicity is now (upper class people in GB don't do that anymore though do they.....do they.....hmmmm...why can't they all be as upstanding as Prince Harry?).

No, no vanity here in my blog. That is 'my' blog..... my blog... my blog .... MY BLOG...... I am ever so 'umble.....

check it out http://diggingalot.org/diggingalot/

but I'm not boasting about http://diggingalot.org/diggingalot/

No you won't catch me boasting (by the way it is http://diggingalot.org/diggingalot/ did I mention it?).

This is not me; for one thing, I am not an angry woman (at least not time I checked in the bathroom, although there are many industrial chemical factories not far from here) and for another I had one of those mellow Sundays that was beautiful (a baptism of some good friends' daughter and their farewell service before emmigration. Just beautiful- a thin place and some very affirming comments).

This is not me, but why o why o why o why o why? Just these last few days I have witnessed some unseemly spats ( did you like the 19th century english just there?) on an e-group I am part of (of Methodist ministers of all people) and on one or 2 websites that I like.



I know why...people get upset, angry, furious even. I do and I do often. It is so easy to post first and ask questions later. I wonder if part of it is the nature of being a Christian/being in full time ministry?

Even my postmodern, casual, ironic, slacker self wants someone to like me/affirm me as a success or at least better than someone else. I want to be 'right'. I get angry with people who I think are 'wrong'.

It is hard to get in touch with your own insignificance, acknowledge it even; especially as a 'professional Christian'. This is not to wallow in middle-class guilt (looking at my last few cd purchases, I do seem to be like that); you can't lose your perspective that although you screw up big time, you are valued and unique.

But as a 'professional Christian' I think that it is essential to know that although you are gifted and have a calling, you have to know that you are at the same time not the centre of the universe, not the new messiah, not annointed beyond flaws, not indispensible.

I came across this a day or so back. I first came across it during my sabbatical. It reminded me of important stuff. It is from Romero. I think I ought to print it out. I could mail it to a few friends....which would really make me a self-righteous prig that most right thinking people would want to deck. A lot. No best to think on it myself........

(HT: http://wesroberts.typepad.com/)

A Future Not Our Own...

It helps, now and then, to step back

and take the long view.

The kingdom is not only beyond our efforts,

it is beyond our vision.

We accomplish in our lifetime only a tiny fraction of

the magnificent enterprise that is God's work.

Nothing we do is complete,

which is another way of saying

that the kingdom always lies beyond us.

No statement says all that could be said.

No prayer fully expresses our faith.

No confession brings perfection.

No pastoral visit brings wholeness.

No program accomplishes the church's mission.

No set of goals and objectives includes everything.

This is what we are about:

We plant seeds that one day will grow.

We water seeds already planted,

knowing that they hold future promise.

We lay foundations that will need further development.
We provide yeast that produces effects beyond our capabilities.
We cannot do everything
and there is a sense of liberation in realizing that.

This enables us to do something,
and to do it very well.
It may be incomplete, but it is a beginning, a step along the way,
an opportunity for God's grace to enter and do the rest.

We may never see the end results,
but that is the difference between the master builder and the worker.
We are workers, not master builders,ministers, not messiahs.
We are prophets of a future not our own.

What I've always thought.....

From the incomparable http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/

Quote of the day

From E.W.Hornung 'Raffles: The Amateur Cracksman' (1899, Penguin 2003) p17:

'The truth is that I was entering into our nefarious undertaking with an involuntary zeal of which I was myself quite unconscious at the time.'

Don't you just love being English? There was a multitude of quotes that I could have chosen from that book, but that one is a beauty. I have no idea what it means, but it sounds just lovely.

What is there to fear from a nation that can come up with phrases like that? How could anyone hate a nation that encouraged phrases like that? True, they could snigger behind their hands at a nation like that... but hate us....Pah unhand me you blaggard, you dashed scoundrel of the first water....

Quote of the Day

From the Observer Sport section yesterday p6. An article about Middlesbrough v Barrow:-

'How ironic, then, that Barrow's big day should be played out in another northern coastal town only too familiar with the ups and downs that come with being built on the sweat of heavy industry.'

Mr Spencer Vignes ( for he was the journalist); please look at a map before writing a 'it's grim oop north article'. Last time I was in Middlesbrough (Saturday) I did not notice groups of people queueing up to buy candy floss, buckets and spades, and 'kiss me quick hats'. And there is a simple reason for this (apart from the temperature currently being about -1 centigrade); there is no coast in Middlesbrough- we are inland.

Also 'another northern coastal town' is like writing that Penzance and Brighton are 'southern coastal towns'..... grrrrrrrrr.......... why is the media so southern?

I'm just off now to have tripe butties for my lunch, feed the whippets, put some more coal in the bathtub and find my flat cap. 'appen lad- there's trouble at t'pit'

grrrr grrrr grrrrrr

Thank you

I'm sat here designing 'thank you' cards for my children to send. I used to have to write them myself and they always followed the same formula:-

Dear Uncle Saddam,

Thank you for the weapon of mass destruction that you sent me for Christmas. I liked it a lot and I keep destroying my enemies with it. I hope you had a nice Christmas. Give my love to George.

love Graham

.....it seemed I had to do it over and over and over again. It was a sign that the fun part of Christmas was over. And now they feel the same way.

Why?

What is it that makes playing a joy and writing 'thanks' a pain? How do we manage to seperate the two so that we get 'pleasure' and then 'duty'---- could they both be intermingled?

I don't know- I hope so this year- if I have a hope for this year, it would be to live more in gratitude and thanks...

Anyway...here I am blogging when I could actually be writing 'thank you' cards...history is repeating itself..... back to 'work'......

Hey--- some pleasure to look forward to this afternoon- Middlesbrough v Barrow in the FA Cup. It will be just like watching Brazil. Not

Wearing badges is not enough in days like these....

Red Wedge, Newcastle 1985 (it could have been 1986). I saw the Smiths there! But I also saw the wonderful Billy Bragg. I can rememember Morrisey's gladioli, I can remember the Style council and I can also remember Jimmy Somerville singing with a woman who seemed at least 5 times his height. My strongest memory, however, is hearing Billy Bragg talking about the Labour Party (remember, these were the dark days of Thatcher) and talking about how it was so great that the concert was a sell out, but that meant nothing unless the 'real work' continued and grew after the concert. I can remember leaving, singing his closing song 'Wearing badges is not enough in days like these'. I can remember thinking that I was a Labour Party member in badges only...

I have often thought on those words. I'm thinking on them now as I start a year with soul searching (as ever). I am a Christian, I am a minister- but I'm wondering if these have just become badges. Soon, our income will increase. It will be possible to buy clothes, food, heating, even treats without wondering how we are going to afford it. After 7 years, I can't tell you what that feels like. Maybe I will feel less like an outsider in this village; I don't know

Thing is, I'm already plotting how to spend it..... and a few days in, I'm wondering 'where is God in all this?' See- I have the new(er) car planned, ideas of holidays etc and it seems like God/Christian living has got pushed to the edge of my actions- what about giving/living generously and not just trying to reflect the values of my (over) affluent community? I have no answers at the moment..... but I keep hearing those words- 'wearing badges is not enough in days like these.'

And now, a continuity link leap that even someone in local radio would wince at.......I found this yesterday about the badge 'missional' that has been at the centre of my thinking for I guess, 5 or more years. It made me wince and think 'wearing badges is not enough in days like these.'

Where to now, O Lord?!

http://brackishfaith.blogspot.com/2008/12/are-you-mino.html (HT: the always excellent http://www.backyardmissionary.com/- and see his recent post (today?) on ‘Post-Missional’ - More Than a Dash of Truth?)

'But an idea that has been brewing in my head is that part of the misgiving some have over the word missional comes from the fact that some (many?) who use it are misusing it. I’d like to suggest that there are a lot of churches/individuals out there that are Mino (or Missional In Name Only). And before I continue - I not claming the higher ground on this one because that would just make me a hypocrite. I’m defiantly still trying to overcome my own Minoness.So without further ado – Are you Mino?

+If all the talk is all about ‘going’ and no one goes anywhere – you might be Mino.

+If the majority of your money, your leaders time and your buildings are still used to meet your needs – you might be Mino.

+If your idea of church is still just one hour out of your life each week – you might be Mino.

+If I can come to your church, be anonymous and just blend in – you might be Mino.

+If you spend any significant amount of time perfecting the show – you might be Mino.

+If your worship is little more than an act of spiritual masturbation – you might be Mino.

+If church always has to feel good – you might be Mino.

+If you like to talk about being missional because you think it might help grow ‘your church’ – you might be Mino.

+If you have added a ‘missional program’ – you might be Mino.

+If you bare no resemblance to your surrounding community – you might be Mino.

+If you bare too much resemblance to your surrounding community – you might be Mino.

+If your church sold its building, cancelled all services and programs, fired all staff and gave all its money to the poor but then the church didn’t exist anymore – you might be Mino.

sweeties

Christmas. Christmas week. Lots and lots of sweets.

That is one of my abiding memories of childhood. We hardly had sweets. Or at least sweets freely available. Except for Christmas week, when plastic pots of Quality Street and Licorice Allsorts would appear. And then...it was sweets before breakfast, in between meals and in between sweets....

Someone bought my children some marshmallows. They don't like them. I do. To be more exact, I like anything sweet. Particularly sweets composed entirely of e numbers and the remnants of the colouring used in biological warfare, like these.

I know it's Christmas as I eat sweets a lot. I eat them when I want to and when I don't want to. I eat them if I have to go into the kitchen. I eat them if I have something difficult to do- in order to put it off. They become comfort- kind of a la recherche du temps perdu I guess......

I think at this time we all do stuff that casts us back & helps us recall childhood or imagined childhood.

Back to the present....... is it just me or is this a common experience(?)- I have such a comedown contemplating my first official day 'back to work' in January (a bit of work 2moro, a service on Sunday- so Monday 5th.... In fact its getting me so much that I have to go to the kitchen to do some jobs and eat some sweets.....

How do you do that 'imagined childhood'/ 'Christmas warmth' bit? And no- you can't have any of these sweets. They are all mine. Besides, there soon won't be any left....

Last post of the year....

I remember the excitement of being allowed to stay up until the new year when I was a lot younger... well it is nearly 2009 & I'm excited (and my 7 year old nearly managed it).

I leave you with this from the amazing http://nakedpastor.com/. If you have not read it, you should.

Happy new year/ blwyddyn newydd dda!

...I'm not dead yet...

Being of a certain age...you may remember the title from Monty Python somewhere or another (I have just had to explain to my 7 year old as to who they were)..











Here are 2 boring Woolies pictures.






I went yesterday when I was in Oldham (Oldham is that kind of place)- it was like raking over the belongings of a dying, loved friend.

Did I really need to spend £5.98 on a DVD of 'There will be blood' or Neil Diamond 'Twelve songs' ( Rick Rubin is the producer- that is my excuse & I'm sticking to it)? No----but they were cheap. Here is a thought- the demise of Woolies has been mourned and lamented, but give us a chance and we are ripping the fittings off the walls to try and get a bargain. I am no better- I picked up a copy of 'Seasick Steve- I was born with nothing and I still have most of it left'- the assistant said it was only £5.98. I said 'No thank you'....thinking that I could get it cheaper from Amazon....

Such is the loyalty of the British (or this British) consumer.

What is there left to believe in, now that we know that shopping won't sustain? Hmmm....still have a feeling we are like junkies and if more retail fixes are offered, we will take them. We can't, with the help of others, or Another, go cold turkey and try something different.

I'm back...2 (late night) thoughts....

Back from the frozen north to the even more frozen north...



(1) I could watch a junky movie over and over and over again. Negligible character development, wooden dialogue, gratutious bloodshed and ahigh bodycount and I'm 'in the zone' (I haven't got a clue what that phrase means but it is used a lot).

Late at night, knackered, something like Jurassic Park 'ticks all the boxes' (I'm being paid per cliche). To my befuddled and resting mind, most of the Freeview channels are repeating various Jurassic Parks ad nauseum at the moment. One of the beauties of this series of movies is that you cannot tell which is which...it is pure mindless entertainment.

Watching one a day or 2 back hit me---it suddenly got serious. The Jeff Goldblum character said something like:-

'You have been too busy working out that you could, without thinking whether you should'.

And just before we returned to the wooden dialogue, blood etc, I'm thinking 'Wow..... and therein lies my weakness and the whole of my western culture's weakness.... and right in the middle of a pulpy film.'

(2) Passing an ergonomically designed M&S lorry on the way down to Manchester. On the side of the lorry was some helpful blurb about the design of the lorry and M&S's green credentials (I find it incredibly helpful seeing lots of interesting writing on the side of a lorry. Particularly when you are passing it at speeds of between 69.5 and 70.5 mph (and if you'll believe that...) in tricky road conditions and you are programmed to read anything....).

Is it just me..... or would the biggest contribution to the environment be to stop making lorries full stop... and to stop making so much stuff to sell to people whose houses are so full of stuff in the first place (ie people just like me.....)?

...oh no it's not...oh yes it is...

It shouldn’t work- bad jokes, iffy acting (in fact brilliant acting does not work), dancing, the leading man is a woman and the comedy woman is a man. It shouldn’t work but it does. Welcome to the world of panto…..



It is one of the best things about being British (alongside rain, rain, rain, talking about what the weather will do next (rain) and oh…rain). It has to be northern to be best as well. So, last night; that is where I was- in Middlesbrough watching panto- and it was glorious. Probably a lot better than the panto taking place at the Riverside ( they lost 1-0; they teeter just above the relegation zone and have the easy task of Man Utd at Old Trafford…oh dear)…



Sat there, amidst the laughs, I got thinking about the parallels of that other Great British institution- the church.



Cynically (never a good idea---- I keep thinking Psalm 1--- 'sitting in the seat of scoffers'--- it is great to scoff, very satisfying, but it becomes an addiction that eventually destroys...); arcane ritual accesible only to an in crowd (in this case the British), funny costumes, jargon ('oh no it isn't..... oh yes it is...... he's behind you) and things, for some reason that just have to be done for it to be 'proper'...although no-one quite knows why...



Hopefully- a disparate group of people having fun, making sense of the world, celebrating, laughing and interacting with each other (ok- we are all facing the front, but I know of no other theatre experience where you talk to the person next to you), all ages engaged and enjoying it....

Ok- that breaks down in lots of ways and maybe I should just watch stuff and not think- wish I could. I do love a good panto, but it has to be at Christmas.... My next big experience is next Saturday in the FA cup- Middlesbrough v Barrow. I suspect it will not be like watching Brazil... and it may be like panto, but without many laughs...

Ok- the fellow on the right was in it....bringing all the acting skills of an ex joiner who won a reality TV show (the first Big Brother)- actually he was quite good. I am just jealous- I'd love to be on stage as a performer...telling jokes, riffing...getting a reaction. Hmmm...I think I do that most Sundays...

After a world beating series of successive blogs I am taking a few days off....Manchester...my in laws... a few days of watching TV...being fed and half-arsed parenting (think 'The Royle Family') whilst I am spoilt rotten. Chance now to quote one of my many favourite Smith's lyrics:-

'Manchester, Manchester: such a lot to answer for'.

..which I think says it all...

I'm still excited part 2

Random things that have made me excited since yesterday:-

(1) My Q magazine arrived this morning..... 'they' are on the front page (see yesterday) and there is an 'in depth' interview (well as in depth as a magazine that has taken the corporate dollar can be.....now there is Gen X irony for you- I'm ironic, detached, but I still read the thing)...

(2) Fractious wife and children yesterday, so I moved stuff around and went to see 'Madagascar 2' with Matthew and Benjamin- not as good as the original, but plenty of wry laughs. Watching films, eating junk food and it is called 'child minding'. That for me is a result every time (my summer version of this is walking across the fields at the back of our house with Matthew and Benjamin, watching cricket, filling them full of lemonade and crisps and me drinking beer). We also repeatedly played 'Hallelujah': the Jeff Buckley and Leonard Cohen versions. The voting from a 7 year old and a 4 year old was for the 'old man's version'....

(3) This:-

http://www.churchads.org.uk/downloads/media/nativity_animation.wmv
(see image at the top- I couldn't get it to embed)

It has been seen in loads of places on the web and I'm just repeating myself- but I like it. I have a soft spot for what this organisation do and a friend of a friend produces this clip. Note: Justin Hawkins (ex Darkness) as the singer.

I won my only preaching bet ever through the Darkness. A few years ago at Ben's dedication, I told a friend who rarely came to church that I was going to preach about 'I believe in a thing called love; just listen to the rhythm of my heart'. He could not believe that I would (why do people persist in thinking that church is alien and unrelated to culture...and why do large parts of the church persist in living up to that belief?) and bet me £5. I forgot this until after the service, when he came up to me, laughed and produced £5. Wonder what I could get if I tried a similar thing on Babyshambles' 'F*** Forever'? Maybe not.... If you google, check out Justin Hawkins new band 'Hot Legs' and their new download 'I've found Jesus'...

(4) Check out this thoughtful upload.....

http://www.backyardmissionary.com/2008/12/what-happens-when-you-give-an-atheist-a-bible.html

(5)My favourite hymn line of this season- rendered here in all it's 18th century glory:-

'Our God contracted to a span, incomprehensibly made man'

Nadolig Llawen i bawb......

Ouch!

I got this picture from 'naked pastor' (see links) I may have used it before- it is one of my favourites.

Christmas preaching- it is easy to get twee- bless everything that happens, give people a feel good time. I'm not against this (I've been bored listening to stuff in church often enough!), but...

but.... but......

I read this- it is making me think. A lot. (HT:-http://tallskinnykiwi.typepad.com/) There is a posting from http://www.parablesofaprodigalworld.com/2008/12/top-10-emergentmissionalpost.html giving his top ten of 2008- this one is from 'internet monk' (who is always food for thought). It is very American, but most of it translates. It makes me go 'ouch':-

'Suburban Christianity is frequently not about an honest following of Jesus. It’s about an edited, reworked Jesus who blesses the American way of life and our definition of normal and happy.

It’s Jesus the sponsor of our beautiful church. It’s Jesus the bus driver of the ticket to heaven. It’s Jesus the guy who wants us to be nice to children. It’s Jesus who presides over all kinds of niceness.

Hey….I can get that from Tony Robbins or Oprah. I don’t need to dilute the demanding, revolutionary promises of Jesus into the suburban American Dream. I can get that life from someone who makes no more demands on me than buying a book.

Churches in suburbia can do so much good for the Kingdom, but when I have to come face to face with a version of Christianity that puts Christ in his place and baptizes all the values of the empire, it makes me angry. It discourages me about what all those nice people are thinking in those beautiful buildings. I know a lot of them send a lot of money to ministries like ours, but if we don’t really believe Jesus is the one for whom we sell it all to buy the pearl of great price, what’s the point?

I also know my own answer. Learn to know the virtues of relative poverty. Learn to see poverty as Jesus and the saints saw it. Keep real poor people in view. Keep real poor churches in mind. Don’t listen to the broadcasted, published propaganda of the suburban Jesus. Read the sermon on the mount. Remember that Jesus is a true revolutionary, and those who want Jesus but reject the revolution always have a nice slide show and plenty of facts and figures.

Remember that to those who are ignoring the game, or eating in the parking lot, or dozing in the sky boxes, the game on the field is just a game. To the players on the field, it’s blood, desperation, hope and perseverance.

So if you’re within earshot of the suburban Jesus and his invitation to have your cake and eat it to, walk away. Walk away with humility, but be decisive and walk away.

Jesus never gave his disciples a lesson on how to explain it all to their families, friends and communities. He just told them that the reaction wouldn’t be positive. And he was right. His own family came to take him home when things got tough (

Mark 3) and they tried to kill him in his own home town.

Christian had to leave the City of Destruction with his fingers in his ears, you know'.

Decay

Decay- there is no escaping it- we all do. I am 42 and 'aging gracefully', but I am also decaying. I (almost) have a new kitchen (the last one was put in by someone with the kitchen installation skils of a blind florist who loves Heath Robinson)- putting stuff in it last night, stuff that looked ok when it was in the old kitchen just highlights how a lot of our stuff is plain shabby, and yes, decaying.



Sideways thought- why is shabbiness in a minister's possesions/home considered a virtue/sign of holiness by some; 'we have got to cut corners- there is really not a lot of money to go round', while often the same people would regard it as not acceptable in their own homes? Just an (un) innocent remark....



To quote those noted divines The Proclaimers: 'The life that I've been living since the day I first drew breath, has been my way of forgetting I'm on the journey to my death'. Decay can be beautiful- see these pictures- we also talk about someone being 'distinguished' (hmmm...why are men aging 'distinguished' and women just 'getting old'?), but it is still decay. Funny how adverts/marketing hit us with 'new, new' all the time- maybe it is because we prefer to avoid decay and we can run around through life like a 4 year old at a party, cramming junk food down our necks (I've been to a lot of parties for 4 year olds. Actually, when I go, I'm trying to stuff loads of junk food down my neck- it tastes so good!).


I am not being maudlin- not in Leonard Cohen mood just yet (and on that subject- Hallelujah- X factor- it is all so wrong. Here is a classic song that connects, asks questions- faces up to life. It is like someone has grabbed it, put it in box fresh trainers, given it the Daily Mail, cut it's hair and force fed it Big Macs and fries. Stop it. Now)- although I did a funeral today. The person had a very very long life. But at the end...decay.

Perhaps part of what I do is to try and point out the beauty in decay and to draw attention to where God might be (see Gifford post earlier this week), albeit imperfectly. Another part of what I do is to face up to and name death when others struggle to do it. Maybe (on good days) to others and myself I manage to say- 'Hey guys- listen to what the Proclaimers say'. I think that is tangentially a little of what Rowan Williams was saying yesterday on R4 about the slump.

I actually like funerals- it feels a real privilege. And now, in one of those dramatic switches that local radio continuity announcers can pull off- my day suddenly switches to 2 school christingles. I love this job!

(These photos are from an excellent stream at http://www.flickr.com/photos/deano/sets/72157601310098830/)

Cheese alert

'Tis the season of Christmas letters, viz: 'little Jocasta sails through life, having started an MA in difficult sums, horse riding on 8 nights of the week, being proficient in 5 languages and she is only 6. Aren't we yummy?'

Stop. Right now. Or I will shoot you. Or at the very least smile glassily at you and say 'I really enjoyed that letter'.

I've blogged on this before- but you don't put pictures of your over acheiving kids on a blog. It is cheesy.

However, my 7 year old son bought this home today. It is a self portrait and I think it is brilliant. He thinks it is 'just good'.

Ahhhh. Bless. But still cheese. Good cheese though....

Please do not read this post!

I am dog tired...frazzled and short.....already had to apologize to 2 people today for yelling at them (outside my own family, which is a novel thing....being a minister, I often appear as 'Mr nice guy' which is a bad impression to give). The only thing I want to say today is the old prayer:-

'Lord Jesus Christ, son of God, have mercy on me a sinner'

...over and over again. No original thoughts today, so here is someone else's

My former boss's son blogs at http://jonnyopinion.wordpress.com/. I looked at his blog and thought 'Why do I bother?' I could never reach his standard- see this post from yesterday.....

Do not, under any circumstances, read this post. Stop it. Stop it at once. Stop reading! Please, it’s for your own good. Stop. STOP! No good can possibly come from you reading on. Make sure this sentence is the last sentence you read. Or, if you really can’t resist the urge to know what comes next, make it this one. But definitely don’t read this one; in fact, stop before you even reach the end - say, at the next piece of punctuation, three-syllable word, or use of the word “the”. I’m warning you. This paragraph will end in a few sentences’ time. Make sure you read no further. Please. Promise me you won’t. You’ll regret it.

You’re probably thinking that you’ve made it this far, though, and nothing bad has happened, so you might as well read all the way to the end. If so, you’re making a big mistake. I definitely don’t advise reading any further than the very sentence you’re reading right now. You’ll wish you hadn’t. You might lose sleep over it, causing you to be very tired at work tomorrow, make a stupid error that costs your organisation dearly, and get the sack. You don’t want that to happen, I’m sure. Is it really worth satisfying your curiosity at the expense of your career? That’s not even the worst thing that could happen, you know. I’d explain but then I’d be giving you a reason to read on, and that’s the last thing I want to do. Really, it is. There’s no reason to read on, so just stop what you’re doing, turn off your computer and go outside, or something. Anything. Just do not read this post. Here comes the end of the second paragraph. The third paragraph absolutely must not be read by anybody, so stop reading…now.

Stop reading. Stop reading! Stop it! It’s just not worth it; believe me, I know. I’ve been there. I know what it’s like to finish reading this post - after all, I wrote it. Then when I’d finished writing it, I proof-read it, and I wish to God I hadn’t. Don’t make the same mistake I did. Please. Stop reading this post. It’s a very bad idea even to begin reading it but if you’ve got this far (and I can’t for the life of me think why, you’re had ample warning) the only thing I can suggest - in fact, insist, is that you stop reading immediately. Please, please, please stop reading. PLEASE. I’m begging you: make the word “read” at the end of this sentence the last word of this post you read. For the love of God, stop! STOP IT NOW! Stop reading this post. It’s not even very interesting. It only took me about ten minutes to write but they were the most painful, agonising ten minutes of my life. Just imagine what it would be like to read this post from beginning to end. It really doesn’t bear thinking about does it? So don’t be like me. DO NOT READ THIS POST. Rise above your baser instincts and just stop reading. 3…2…1…STOP READING!

Daily Mash

Don't know if you have ever discovered this site http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/. It is twisted, politically incorrect, over the top, offensive and very funny. NB: I am not endorsing everything on there. There is language on the site that I wouldn't normally use in a sermon, such as 'Conservative', 'Sane right wing idea', 'Westlife have tremendous artistic credibility' and 'Isn't Christian Rock music good' and some even worse than that....

UK TO BOYCOTT ALL GERMAN GOODS, EXCEPT CARS, BEER, KITCHEN APPLIANCES, ADIDAS AND KINDER SURPRISE


UK consumers last night pledged to buy British, unless there was an obviously superior German alternative.

As the economic war of words between London and Berlin escalated, millions of Britons said they would be happy to boycott German goods as long as it did not involve Volkswagen, Mercedes, Audi, Becks, Lowenbrau, Knorr chicken stock cubes and those chocolate eggs with the toy inside.
Germany, meanwhile, said it would boycott British goods as soon as it could find any.

Dr Tom Logan, an economist at the German-owned University of Reading, said: "If I was a confused recession-hit country looking for advice, I'd probably go with Germany, given that they still have an actual economy based on making stuff that people want to buy.

"Meanwhile, the British 'economy' seems to be based on selling each other money so that we can buy high quality German goods."

German finance minister Peer Steinbruck said: "Let's think, what could we boycott? Cars? Oh yeah, like everyone else in the world I really wanted a Rover 200. Ah, but what about the Mini, you say? Or the 'BMW Mini', to give it its full Bavarian title."

He added: "Beer? Yeah, we drink loads of British beer, it's sooo good. So I guess that means we'll just have to boycott Tizer and Jaffa Cakes."

Chancellor Alistair Darling said: "I will be boycotting a wide range of German goods and services apart from Aldi, obviously. It's so much cheaper. How do they manage it? Those Germans really do know what they're doing.

"And also those big hotdog sausages that come in a jar. Bloody love those."

I long for....

I have been thinking on this image for a while. It is from the very excellent http://davesdistrictblog.blogspot.com/ (although distressingly he has added a photo of himself today with 'imaginative' headgear); in fact he is an excellent person in himself.

And I've been thinking on Psalm 42....my soul longs for you/ my soul thirsts for God. This frozen nettle has so much, but it is frozen. I pray that I notice what I am preparing this advent and unfreeze.

Something tangentally related from the also excellent http://maggidawn.typepad.com/maggidawn/blog_index.html today. See the post on 'Journey' and the comments- especially the one where the biggest temptations in ministry are to be messiah or manager. Solid gold....