Strange post, since I've been gone all these many months.

Most days, this is me:

(Pinterest)

Lately, I've been pinning bikes. It would be awesome to have one of these as the weather gets nicer.

(Schwinn, via Sears)

(Trek)

I might be a better, fitter, healthier resident. Who knows? Enjoy:

#535

This is just to say that I passed the Boards (licensure, here I come). Oh, and buying red ilex berries and smelling the Christmas trees on NYC sidewalks is awesome, too.

#534

I'm in the middle of editing the Second Annual Doctor Whimsy Gift Guide whilst I try and recover from a bad cold/horrible night on call in the pediatric ICU. But I digress.

This is a super random post, and a super random time to post this, but I just realized that I never posted a recap of our wedding - that took place over 2 years ago. I think I'm daunted by the 900+ pictures that we have to sort through and, hey, I kind of got distracted by residency. In any event, I just watched an insanely gorgeous slide show from a wedding of one of my med school classmates, and I realized that I didn't have to sort through 900+ pictues - I simply could link to the slideshow that our photographer made for us! Score! Also, I guess I want to share because I've been meditating a lot lately about families. Tom and I spent Thanksgiving at his parents' house in the Midwest, and I am just so thankful for the one that I have. I hope everyone had as nice a Thanksgiving as I did.

So, without further ado:

The Doctors Whimsy Wedding Slide Show

#533

Lately I've been embarking on something I'd like to call the "life project." I'm not sure I feel comfortable writing about the details of my project, but it sure would make for some rich material. In any event, I think I'm getting my mojo back.

I finished Step 3 today - the final in a series of exams medical students and residents must pass in order to get their license. I'm a bit nervous about how I did (but aren't all perfectionists?) even though I know this test has a 95% pass rate. It's nice to have a milestone (or what feels like one) in the middle of a three year slog. (Indeed, I will be passing the halfway-through-residency mark in the next month!) I spent the whole subway ride home today contemplating how exciting it was that I will soon get my medical license (just have to pass the damn test and submit my paperwork - and a fat check - to the NY State Medical Board). It felt almost as exciting as my white coat ceremony during my first week of medical school or matching into residency or graduating, even. Maybe even more so because I was reflecting on this milestone today, alone. In any event, it is poignant.

I dreamt my whole life of becoming a doctor, something I kept silent and to myself for many years. One day I decided to open up the Pandora's Box and discover what was inside a life in medicine. For sure, there are days that none of it seems worth it. But then the "life project" starts to take hold and you remember the parents who insist on taking your picture with their newborn baby since you are now "their child's doctor," or the sacred moments you've had with children who've died, or seeing that fragile preemie as a comedic 15 month old, and you realize, reading through endless words on a computer screen while hoping you're making the right choice (is it answer a or c? or maybe d?) that maybe you even love these fake patients. Maybe you care about their simulated outcomes. Maybe that's why you get out of bed every morning, because you love people and patients so much that you just can't wait to see what happened to them overnight.

Maybe I'm feeling whimsical again. I just might have to hang this banner on my door.

(Source, found via A Cup of Jo)

I think my friend, Hez, gets it, too.

(And I may hate prime numbers, but happy 11/11/11 day.)

#532

Yesterday was our 2nd anniversary.

Today is my grandmother's 96th (!!) birthday. You go, Grandma!

I could write something endearing or cute (because that's what I've been thinking all day), but my mojo is still missing.

Instead, I will gloss over my raging Pinterest addiction and post a little humor that sums up exactly how I feel (lately):

(Source)

#531

So...I sat down to recap our trip to Maui (I know...), but then I couldn't face churning through 400 photos. Sometimes, digital cameras are a curse.

In any event, I kept coming back to this quote, an oldie but a goodie, fer sure.

The cure for anything is salt water - sweat, tears, or the sea.
-Isak Dinesen

One day, I promise to get my mojo back. And write cheerful posts!

#530

I turned 31 this week. I suppose there's a post I should write about that one.

But then my patient died. Not my first, but this one was different. I was not present for the declaration, but started my shift an hour later. Maybe one day I'll write about the parts they don't teach you about in medical school, the parts that no one has nightmares about, the stuff that has to do with washing the body and transferring it to the morgue or the funeral home as the case may be. And about having to write excuse notes for family members for work and school.

Instead, tonight, I'll share this quote:

(Pinterest)

And then I'll share this poem:

What The Doctor Said

He said it doesn't look good
he said it looks bad in fact real bad
he said I counted thirty-two of them on one lung before
I quit counting them
I said I'm glad I wouldn't want to know
about any more being there than that
he said are you a religious man do you kneel down
in forest groves and let yourself ask for help
when you come to a waterfall
mist blowing against your face and arms
do you stop and ask for understanding at those moments
I said not yet but I intend to start today
he said I'm real sorry he said
I wish I had some other kind of news to give you
I said Amen and he said something else
I didn't catch and not knowing what else to do
and not wanting him to have to repeat it
and me to have to fully digest it
I just looked at him
for a minute and he looked back it was then
I jumped up and shook hands with this man who'd just given me
something no one else on earth had ever given me
I may have even thanked him habit being so strong


- Raymond Carver

#529

Someone I know (*ahem* Blog Sidekick) will be welcoming a baby in January. Which has got me thinking about nurseries...since I'm not obsessed with home design enough as it is. Call me crazy, but if I were to have a baby in, oh, 10 years or so, I would totally style their crib with all white bedding and an amazing quilt like so:

Source

or so:

Source

And isn't that bottle green lamp to die for?

#528

Maybe I shouldn't be writing about this on the internet, but here goes. Deep breath...

...My (second) cousin died on Friday. She was 32, and she died of melanoma.


That's her on the left with her parents and her sister at our wedding. Wasn't she beautiful?

I'm not sure what it is, but this whole thing stinks and has been bothering me a lot more than I expected. All I can think of is her husband Chris, and what he is going through. What must it be like to walk in to a bank or a real estate office and have to say, "I need to close an account," or "I need to sell my house because my wife died." I can't even begin to imagine it. And to think of how she died, and the way the mets squeezed her vessels until the blood stopped flowing...It just makes me feel so inadequate as a doctor.

She and her sister (on the right, isn't she beautiful?) loved the group Band of Horses. It was the last song we played at our wedding, and I remember my cousin and her sister squealing in delight when the song came on because it was their favorite band. And wouldn't you know it, the day after she died I heard this song...

"The Funeral"

Too much, I tell you. Too much.

#527

Sesame Street breaks it down from Wonderful Creative on Vimeo.

Courtesy of Tom...who has this weird thing for the Muppets.