adoption party

we had an adoption party on Sat, which rocked! my house was packed and there were cars all the way down the street.It was wonderful to feel all that love and support! It is slowly sinking in that Ruby is ours FOREVER...
It is a great feeling to know we don't have to deal with CPS ever again if we don't want to. However we have batted back and forth the idea of continuing to foster (babies only) for this pregnancy. we will see!

i am considering making my blog public again. i find i have way less motivation to post knowing that a large percentage of my readership can't read my blog. i haven't had a visitor from my blog-stalker in a few weeks and i have no teens in my house to be concerned about....what do you guys think???

Ruby Claire Paparella !

jan 08

easter






ADOPTION DAY!!

ADOPTIVE PLACEMENT

we are doing adoptive placement of Ruby on WEDNESDAY!!! Then we just have to get our lawyer to do the rest!!!! i am browsing adoption announcements online and crying, i am so thrilled!!!!

2nd times a charm

i posted this whole post earlier, but it didn't work!

i got a call at 3pm today telling us that a great aunt and uncle of Ruby (sweetpea) have decided to hire a lawyer and intervene in the case to get custody. MY JAW HIT THE FLOOR. there is 9 days left in the mandatory 3 month waiting period following termination. 9 days from now we would have been home free... Ruby's GAL dosn't think they have grounds to intervene (seeing as they have never even MET her)..but we will see. bad part is they are foster parents .. in our city... apparently they are saying they didn't intervene before because they had kids in the home already (dont now?) and they thought she was going to paternal grama. But i don't know how that excuses never trying to meet her. i think they are selfish. i would never rip a baby away from its home at 15 months old. that is disgustingly selfish.
and of course the bomb gets dropped on friday, after our attorney's office closes. i can;t DO anything ..well that's not true, because i am lifting this up to the Lord, and he is mighty to save!!!


i life my eyes unto the hills, but where does my help come from? my help comes from the Lorn, maker of heaven and earth.

Phone call!

r

Both parent's parental rights are terminated!!
PRAISE THE LORD!

inauguration baby

Sweet pea turned 1 yesterday. what an amazing day for an African American baby- turning 1 on the day the united states swears in it's first African American president. We will be celebrating on Friday which is our Gottcha-day, since we got her at three days old one year ago!!
This is her custom made 1st birthday outfit, so she can celebrate in style :)

peace and other emotions

now, I am going to try to encapsulate the emotions and thoughts that have been going through me over the last few days, so bear with me if this post rambles a bit...
I want sweetpea, no doubt..want her with a dry ache. But with this constant want inside, my prayers are rarely that. I have always prayed for God's will, and thrown in a few "but if you wouldn't mind..." 's for good measure-
Over the last few days i have been thinking so much about Abraham and Isaac and about Job. i have been thinking about sacrifices God calls us to make. I have never felt a for-sureness about sweetpea's potential for permanency in our family. I don't know if God wants her here for keeps, I don't know if God wants to take her away, for other better plans. What's hard is the longer this goes on the more my own wants cloud out what God may want or call me to do...and i think how Abraham waited for 100 years for Isaac, only to be called to give him back to the Lord. And then , after Abraham obeyed without complaint, God provided a substitute for his sacrifice. and then i keep thinking of this verse
luke 12:48
Much will be required from everyone to whom much has been given. But even more will be demanded from the one to whom much has been entrusted.
and also of something someone told me about months ago, which i later found here-
woman who lost her baby right after birth writes this:
"Job said it best in the wake of losing all he valued on earth: “The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.” That conveys our feelings better than anything we could say. The Lord gave us Priya, and He has chosen by His gracious will to take her away. Blessed be his Name. Her life was an undeserved gift to us. We wouldn’t trade one moment of the seven months we had with her. And we praise God for it from beginning to end. We don’t know the reason why she was taken, but we know the God who made the decision. And he is enough for us. He is our glory and strength. We want to praise Him right now as the God of all grace and comfort. He has been our truest and most constant companion in the midst of all this."



I have been thinking that is Sweetpea stays, it will be a miracle, worth rejoicing and praising- a testament of God's goodness...But, if she leaves won't it still be a testament to God's goodness? He is still holy. no matter what the circumstances. and i do KNOW that Sweetpea will know the Lord. she has been marked by God from countless people's prayers over her for her whole life now-
I remember i wanted to foster because it broke my heart that there were children floating around among us who no one cared about, no one prayed for. Just drifting... ANd here i have this baby lathered in prayer, and i know that God is good, and God cares for Sweetpea. And, even if she goes i will be praising God for letting me do his will...

the wheels of justice...

move slow in Williamson County. sigh...so i was at court for almost 8 hours today- and the worst part was i had to sit in the HALLWAY for almost the whole thing- all witnesses had to be out of the court room and i was supposed to be a witness, then at almost the end they decided they did not need me-
so everything i know came second hand- the dad and grama "dug themselves holes" according to my caseworker, my friend, and sweetpea's attorney. according to the attorney CPS will no longer be considering Grama as a potential placement. the judge did not rule- he felt he did not have enough to terminate on mom, so he was going to review some case law and then reach his decision. he will then mail a letter to all the attorneys who will then (hopefully in a timely manner) inform me!
Part of me is very sad about not having a final decision today- part of me is worried about the nightmare that will ensue if mom's rights are NOT terminated- and part of me is excited that it looks like us adopting is the most likely scenario.

first stitches

in a family of our size (especially with 3 boys!) one would expect i have seen a few sets of stitches, maybe a few broken bones, but i have not- not once!
last night after bath Lucca was running, chasing the puppies -totally breaking rule #1 by running in the house and she slipped on a mat on the entryway tile and caught her fall with her poor little chin! :(
two hours and four stitches later she was back home and in bed. and guess what day i have to go back to get her stitches out? well, Monday of course! (same day as court)
and speaking of court- the GAL called yesterday and said that the only thing judge should be deciding in termination of parental placement- she said they would need to set another court day to determine placement (because CPS wants her with Grama and GAL wants her with me). so more waiting of a-yet-to-be-determined timeframe...sigh

mediation

i talked to sweetpea's GAL at about 11 am yesterday- she told me CPS wanted parents to volunteeraly give up rights to Grama to adopt- the GAL said heck NO , she did NOT approve of moving her (there or anywhere). she told me they were still deliberating and she would call me back- i waited ALL DAY LONg, no call. so i called her this morning and got her secretary who said they had not reached any agreement and it would have to be deided by the judge on monday. SO the wait continues... and we have NO IDEA what Monday will bring- so i could certainly use some massive prayer before and during court (9am)- thank you :)

homestudy turned in

sweetpea's worker received Grama's homestudy back, and was kind enough to forward it to me- they are still waiting on talking to her other grown children, but the homestudy is pretty good. defiantly CPS good at least. my heart is breaking because i can see Grama as a woman who wants her granddaughter.
whenever I can slip into seeing things more black white it is easier, so naturally the opposite (muddied greys) are much harder...

doing the happy dance

i talked with sweetpea's attorney today and she said she is NOT going to be recommending that sweetpea move to gramas- she does not feel grama has made enough effort or has the ability to keep sweetpea safe from dad.
so, we still have to wait to see what happens in court, but the attorney is FOR her staying with us!!!!
:)

sweetpea news

talked to sweetpea's SW today. she called to say that they still didn't have the homestudy back, and they might have to order another one. Mediation is schedualed forjan 6th and they have to have it done by then. -her words, not mine!
I had no idea this would take so long!!1

my thankful thanksgiving

so i met sweetpea's new worker yesterday- and i must she SHE IS WONDERFUL.--how wonderful? --gave me her cell phone wonderful!----
seriously. she was kind and smart and asked all the right questions. and i don't think she is leaning towards passing Grama's homestudy. she agreed with me that it dosn't look good that grama will protect sweetpea from dad. we told we would be fine with a very open adoption with grama, so sweetpea could still have family ties.
finally some HOPE!
but of course we still have to wait...
lol

visit with "granny"

well, we had our first "granny" visit today. i was able to sit in the room with her (and dad was there too for some reason) for part of the visit, which was great for sweetpea. she got to warm up to them= no screaming !
I also was able to bring up the subject of after the fact, ie if granny gets her can we have anything to do with her again? and to my shock she said she was FINE with me calling up and seeing her anytime! i thank God for his answer to my prayer that i would at least be able to know sweetpea is safe and be able to see her grow up. it dosn't take away the pain of losing her, but it does soften the blow.
she said we could even take her for a weekend if we wanted.
we have two more weeks to wait until the homestudy should be back. i am trying hard to really enjoy and take in the little time i have with my baby.

down

i am feeling very down currently. i have avoided posting because i really am at a loss for words to explain. i did figure out something about myself. i need to keep busy to keep from feeling sad (if something sad is happening) . and without the extra happenings to keep me busy it can be overwhelming. i was called to set up a visit for grama this monday. i am not looking forward to the begining of this transistion. but , you never know what may happen-

so of course you never know. but right now i am feeling the grimness of the outcome for my sweetpea and my heart is surely aching.
i just keep reminding myself that:

romans 8:

26In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. 27And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.

28And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,[a] who[b] have been called according to his purpose.

court

well court is over. everything went (mostly) how i figured it would. everyone showed(except mom, as she is incarcerated) . i actually was able to stand up in front of the judge with everyone else, and speak. Grama turned in her homestudy (for adoption) paperwork over 2 weeks ago, and has not gotten even a call yet. she has already lined up childcare for sweetpea for when she returns to her care. i asked the judge to expedite the homestudy (meaning get on the ball and get it done within 30 days) because it in sweetpea's best interests to move quickly if she is going to be moved to gramas. there is no benefit in prolonging it. i also was able to get them to set up visits for grama, to which we (grama and me) got them to agree to let me be in the visit too, so sweetpea would not cry and could get to know grama in a nonstressfull way.
yikes. if she passes (which with what is going on with texas cps right now she almost undoubtedly will) my baby will be leaving my home within two months...

and on the other front (the teenager with child) the child's worker and her attorney were in court right behind us- we were there early and overheard them saying there names, so i introduced myself and got to hear more about the case. apparently teen is out of time and her mother will not give a PMC to the state (permanate managing consevitorship) and the state doesn't have enough to terminate, which means teen has to go home BUT baby cannot return home because grama isn't safe with baby . so, we might end up only getting baby . i hope not though, because it would be heartbreaking for teen mom who loves baby and is very devoted.

i should be freaked out right?

i should be, but i am not. i came to rest in the Lord on this issue with sweetpea's grama a few weeks ago.i surrendered to the Lord. After all, it is up to him no matter how much i fret and worry.
i have gone through so many highs and lows over this last 8 months. at the highs i threw myself into being sweetpea's mama, and planning for her future with us( playing a pretend game that never included anything sad). the low times i retreated slightly. not in action, just in heart, planning for her to leave... Now i really feel neither. it does not matter what happens tomorrow, for today she is mine. my baby. the baby i smell her head and swoon, the baby who greets me with a two-toothed grin and a chuckle.my baby who wraps herself around me to snuggle. she will always be mine, no matter where she is tomorrow...
we are never promised another day, for any of our children or ourselves. I just praise the Lord he gave me today with all my children. He has been so good!

not so good news on sweetpea

grama turned in homestudy paperwork, so they have begun the homestudy process. i am hoping we know more at court on monday.
:(