First thing's first

I finally uploaded the pictures on my camera from Alayna's birthday 'til now.

And all I have to say is whoa!

I have some major catch-up to do, which I realize is never all that fun for you blog readers, but maybe you'll cut me some slack since you will be hearing about Alayna's Halloween a month late and you won't mind as much now because fifty million other people aren't blogging about the same exact thing. Right? I hope so anyway.

But first thing's first around here. Before I overload you with pictures of Alayna, I wanted to say THANK YOU! Thank you for your kind comments, emails, instant messages, and phone calls!!! I am so grateful to have such wonderful friends and family. We truly are blessed. Our family is getting into the swing of our new life in Arizona and we're healing. We really are doing well.

And when I say we are adjusting to our new life. It really is in so many ways true. Over the last couple weeks since we moved into our house I have begun to notice the changes.

For one, Dan works a COMPLETELY different schedule than he ever did before. He now is on shift work. Which means he works 12 hour shifts, sometimes days and sometimes nights. (They alternate.) Although he doesn't work more than four days/nights in a row, he does get some great time off in between and once a month he gets seven days off in a row, which is really quite awesome. Coming from a family where my Dad is a professor (amongst many other things: heating and a/c guy, landowner, builder, etc.), this is foreign to me, but Alayna and I are adjusting to this schedule. Since Dan works in a town an hour away, we are really finding that the days can get long (14 hours), but somehow we are making it work just fine. I'll admit, I am having to rethink how to keep Alayna entertained for the two hours after dinner before Dan gets home. I'm so used to Dan being around then, but we're getting there.

Not having to share walls/ceilings/floors with neighbors has been, well, glorious! I will admit that there have been sometimes that I have dropped something and silently apologized to the "downstairs neighbors" that don't exist, only to realize we are it. We don't have to worry about neighbors, unless they come knocking on your door in their pajamas because their two-year-old locked them out, but I wouldn't know how that feels....

Oh, and maybe one of the biggest changes lately is the fact that I am potty training Alayna. I figure, I don't have a church calling, I don't know very many people-yet, we live 15 minutes out of town....why not? I'll let you know if I am still feeling that way by the end of the week. Maybe it won't be that great of an idea.

Oh, and I can't end my post without saying a little something about the temperature change. I hear there is snow up where we came from, but I wouldn't say that's an issue here. On Saturday it was in the 80's and a temple worker told me that I am probably liking the weather here compared to Wyoming, but it's "getting a little cold" for her liking. Crazy!

So there you have it. Things are different, but good.



P.S. Be prepared for lots of pictures in the posts to come.

A bump in the road

Every now and again you hit a bump in the road. Sometimes there are multiple bumps in a row and other times they are spaced out. And sometimes those bumps seem more like boulders rather than little speed bumps. Sometimes they are worth mentioning and sometimes not.

Recently our little family hit a bump in the road. It was one of those boulders. It came out of nowhere and hit us hard. I have contemplated whether or not this bump in the road was worth mentioning to all of you in blogland. Let's face it, not everything in our lives gets put on the blog. Don't most of us scan over the pictures we post to make sure they are blog-worthy and only show the best ones? While I have loved every minute of having my blog since it is a journal of our family, I also realize that it is public. People read this journal of mine and as a result I censor certain things. But public as it may be, it still is my blog and it is still for the purpose of writing down the memorable things in life whether they are funny, happy, silly, embarrassing, or even sometimes sad.

And this is one of those sad times. If you don't want to read about some of my more deeper feelings and struggles, I understand. Stop here. But since writing has a way of being therapeutic for me, I feel compelled to do just that: Write a little story about our bump in the road. So here it goes.

About this time, maybe after the excitement of Thanksgiving was over, I was planning to write a cute little post written by Alayna that sported a picture of her wearing a darling little shirt that said "Big Sister." She was ready to make the announcement, even though she didn't have any idea that she was making one, but that's beside the point. It was going to be too cute for words...but then we hit that bump.

Things were going great. I seriously couldn't believe how great I felt. I didn't know that you could be pregnant and feel this good in the first trimester. I mean people that don't have "all-day-sickness" as I like to call it, really have it made. Things were fine. We were good. But I kept having an uneasy feeling every now and again. Most of the time I think I was just paranoid because I was feeling so good and that was foreign to me.

Our first appointment was scheduled. We were ready. I was excited and nervous. Then we got to the ultrasound. Things were quiet. Too quiet, I remember thinking. The doctor wasn't saying anything. She just sat there. Should I say something? Dan and I kept looking at each other. Finally the doctor commented that there was nothing to worry about. They had my blood work. Things looked fine, I just wasn't as far along as they had originally thought. She wanted me to come back every week for the next couple of weeks and get my blood taken so they could check my hormone levels. This was nothing new to me. I had been in there quite a bit to get my blood drawn. No biggie. Then in two weeks I would have a follow-up ultrasound and we would go from there.

Dan and I talked about our experience on the way home, commenting on how different it was from our experience with Alayna. But the doctor was different, and I was farther along when I had my first ultrasound with Alayna. The doctor was way more stand-offish this time and we blamed everything on that. She just wasn't a talkative, friendly lady. That's why she was so quiet. But again, I worried. There was that gnawing feeling.

Two weeks passed. I went in for all my blood drawings. And now here was the big day. I was scared and nervous. Just the day before, I had started to spot a little, but I kept telling myself everything was ok. Sometimes that happens in normal pregnancies. The doctors will tell me what to do. Dan and I discussed it and had decided to just have me go. Alayna was supposed to be down for a nap and I really felt like I could go alone.

I drove to the doctor's office praying. I had been praying a lot lately. Praying that I would be comforted no matter what the outcome was. Comforted in the fact that He knows best and knows what I can handle. Looking back, I know the Lord was preparing me. Every time I felt that gnawing, uneasy feeling, it was His spirit comforting me and preparing me already. The Lord knows I am a planner and knew that I needed that preparation from Him.

Walking into the ultrasound room I prayed even harder, that I would be at peace with the outcome and that He would carry me through. The doctor (thankfully a different, nicer doctor) came in and had the ultrasound up on the screen within seconds. Then immediately started saying, "Just know, there is nothing that you did that made this happen." What?! "You are not to blame. Things just weren't right." Within minutes we were discussing ways to deal with my miscarriage. I was having a miscarriage. I was eight weeks along.

She gave me my options and suggested I call my husband to decide. I was just trying to keep it together and remember all that she told me. I knew the second Dan picked up the phone, I would lose it. And I did. There was no easy way of telling him that our dreams of welcoming a new little one in the next seven months were dashed. All I could say was, "We lost the baby." and sob. He did too. Once I could gain my composure I then went on to tell him about our options. We decided to do a D&C (surgery) since we were supposed to be making a 1000 mile trek in less than a week.

The rest is a bit hazey. They hurried me off to consult me about the surgery, but all I could think about was keeping it together and not melting into a puddle of tears. I made it through though because the Lord did just what I asked Him to: He carried me through. I speed walked my way out the of the office to the car so no one would see me have my melt down. And with tears streaming down my face, I somehow made it home into the arms of my loving husband.

We cried.

But the Lord truly comforted us. Two days later I had the surgery. My family was amazing. They helped watch Alayna, cleaned our apartment, delivered flowers and candy and so much more. And Dan was unbelievable. He finished packing the entire apartment, loaded the moving truck, cleaned the apartment, took care of Alayna and did whatever else I needed. The day after surgery we loaded up our things and stayed at my parent's house 'til moving day which was two days away.

Then we left for our big adventure. With 20 hours of travel time, I had plenty of time to reflect.

And this is what I know: Though lots of people go through similar experiences, it doesn't make it any less painful or personal. While it is a painful experience, both physically and emotionally, spiritually the Lord has comforted us beyond belief. He does answer prayers and He truly has carried us through. We know we will be better because of this experience, more empathetic to others. And we know that we can move on and while a part of me will always ache for the baby that could have been ours, we know that this was meant to happen. It is the best for us. The Lord knows why we needed to go through this and we will someday be blessed with another baby to care for.

Oh, help!

I'll start off by telling you the good news. After unpacking every. single. box. I am happy to report that only one thing did not make it (and it wasn't even packed in a box).

Our beloved entertainment center.

We laid it to rest before moving everything to our house that we are currently living in. While Dan was jumping for joy, I was silently shedding tears of sadness. (Ok. Not really, but you get the jist.) Couldn't it just have made it one more move? I know it was made out of particle board and all, but I mean really. Why could it not have just waited one more move? Like to the house that we will someday buy and then we wouldn't have to worry about whether or not to purchase something nice and it getting dinged up on the next move (I know it's bound to happen, but it's all about me and my timing, right?).

Anyway, once Dan noticed the crack in the board where the TV sits, it went from it's entire particle board glory, to a heap of broken-ness in a matter of minutes. All it took was Dan leaning on it, which then caused it to shift to the left and crumble. After pulling a few pieces here and there, it was history.

It lasted almost 6 years for us plus the three years before with it's previous owners. 9 years isn't bad for particle board.

So now for the bad news. (I guess the other part was kind of bad news too, but at least everything else made it safe and sound. ) I started to shop for a new entertainment center today since our TV is currently sitting on our card table. And I found out I have NO idea what it want!

This is what we had before:
We still have the same TV and while we would love to get a big flat screen, it is gonna have to wait. Maybe in the next year or two. We both have discussed getting something smaller like a TV stand, but I will admit I did love having the shelves for decorating purposes, although Dan, of course, could care less.

I am concerned with a TV stand that Alayna will be able to get into everything since it is right at her level, whereas the DVD player was way up at the top on our old one. Our movies were in the cupboard at the bottom, but they were really hard to open so that wasn't a big problem. Anyway, are you seeing my dilemma here? I just don't know what I want.

Tell me. What do you think? What do you have: TV Stand, armoire, entertainment center...? Do you like it? What are the pros and cons? Oh, and does anybody want to just do the shopping for me and surprise me so I don't have to worry about it? Just kidding.

Remember Me?

I am back.

The search for a place to live has ended. We have found a three bedroom two bathroom house to rent.

We officially moved in as of Saturday.

And although we have only been in this house a few days, a few memorable things have happened already. Never a dull moment around here.

First: I need to preface this memorable moment with some details. All last week was spent cleaning and unpacking our kitchen. With Dan's work schedule being so strenuous, we were not able to move in til the weekend, but the organizer in me wanted to start unpacking right away, so I did. Alayna and I brought boxes over everyday and slowly got our kitchen organized and ready to go for when we did actually move everything in. (Side note: That really is the way to move in somewhere. There is something about having your kitchen all organized and ready to go for the move in day. Not to mention that half of our boxes were kitchen stuff anyway so it really cut down on the loading and unloading time on move in day.)

Anyway, one of those times that were spent unpacking, Alayna found a penny and you guessed it....swallowed it. So now you can imagine where we are looking for that little penny to show up. Yuck!


Second: Although the penny experience is quite memorable, this next experience definitely tops that one.


After our typical morning routine of eating breakfast and getting Alayna dressed, I took a minute to decide what I was going to do next- shower or start unpacking more boxes. Well, knowing that we would probably be confined to the house for the next couple of days, unpacking, I decided to go ahead and forgo the shower for now.


So, Alayna and I brought in boxes from the garage and unpacked. We unpacked a couple of boxes and were ready for more, so out I went to get another one. Alayna follows and unbeknownst to me shuts the door behind her. I grab a box and tell Alayna to open the door. She tries, but can't. So I try and soon realize the door is locked. I panic, but think maybe Dan didn't lock the front door when he left. I open the garage door, and run to the front door only to find it locked. Good job, babe, at keeping us safe once you leave. Only now it comes back to bite me in the bum. My last hope of hopes is to check the back door. I don't remember locking it, but that doesn't mean that Dan didn't. But, we walk around the back only to find the same thing-a locked door.

My prayer of, "Please-let-this-door-be-unlocked-so-my-neighbors-don't-have-to-see-me-like-this" wasn't answered. I was so embarrassed for myself. What was I to do? Dan works in a town an hour away and isn't allowed to have a cell phone. Even if I did have the number to the mine that we works at, I didn't have my phone with me in my pocket-less pajamas.

All the doors are locked. No windows are open. The car's locked (plus the keys are inside), the phone's inside. What's a girl to do?

I guess go knock on her neighbor's door and beg them to help her and not judge her in her, pajama pants, baggy shirt with no bra, natural no make-up face, curly i-just-woke-up-an-hour-ago-hair. Finally at the second house I went to, my neighbor opened the door and let us in. She was so kind and willing to help and told me several times that I was not inconveniencing her at all. I quickly introduced myself since this was our first meeting (Seriously, I know how to make an interesting first impression.) and politely asked if I could use her phone and a phonebook. I decided the best option was to call a locksmith since Dan was unreachable, our landlord lives out of state and the realtor that helped us find the house, gave us his key when we moved in.


Twenty minutes later, after several apologies on my part, getting to know my neighbor, Tanya, and her mother (who thankfully was still in her nightgown. She'll never know how much better she made me feel when I walked in. It was like we were having our own pajama party...), and Alayna playing with Tanya's grandson, Aiden, the locksmith guy showed up and rescued me from my embarrassment.


Come to find out we have a doorknob that when locked, can still be opened from the inside, which is quite deceiving. No wonder why I had no idea that I was opening a locked door the whole time.


All I have to say is, I guess that's one way to get to know your neighbors. :)


Third and last: Are you still with me? Last night, after all the neighbor trauma was over, I randomly reached in my wallet to check my drivers license expiration date. Dan and I both need to get Arizona driver's licenses and I was pretty sure mine expired in December anyway so I was double checking.
Well I was right. My driver's license expired in December of LAST year!


After reading and re-reading the expiration date, in a panicked state I finally said to Dan, "My driver's license expired on my b-day in '09!" After letting him see for himself we both discussed how we couldn't believe that it has been expired for 10 months and that I had just driven 1000 miles without a current license. I told him that I honestly thought that you renewed your driver's license every 5 years since you get one when you are 16 and renew it when you are 21, but he quickly informed me that it is every four years.


I couldn't believe it. I mean, I am a good, rule-following citizen. I don't live on the edge. How could I have not noticed this? Better yet, how did no one else not notice this? In the last three weeks I have given my license to several people to make copies of it. (When we opened an account at the bank, when I changed all the utilities to my name, when I got my mail, and on and on. )


So I went to bed dreaming of jail and the fines that I would have to pay. And I woke up praying and praying that all would work out at the DMV when I went to explain my wrong doing. Well, come to find out, it really was not that big of a deal at all. No jail, no extra fee in the hundreds of dollars. Only the normal fee, a sheet to fill out, and my picture taken. It sounded like that happens all the time. It's different if it has been more than a year. I don't know what happens then, but I am glad I didn't have to find out.


And the best part of all. In Arizona, your driver's license doesn't expire 'til you're 65. Granted, you have to go in every 12 years to get your picture taken, but at least this situation won't occur again until 2049. (Ok. It feels weird to type that year) Now, I just need to remember to go get my picture taken when I am 37 and I'll be good. :)


And that's our exciting last few days. Here's to much more calm routine days ahead.