So really, I do have a final post for this blog in my head...but I haven't had time to do what I want to do and I haven't moved all my links over to Anderson Happenings. But I have been posting a little more regularly over there so come visit!
I thought this would be a good post for this blog, for those still checking in! Heather at Production not Reproduction asked for people to post their experiences with open adoption, specifically what you would tell yourself at the beginning of this journey if you could. Most people can say exactly what I'm thinking in a much more eloquent way, but I'll make an effort anyhow.
When we first started thinking about adoption, honestly there was a lot of me that really believed I was ready for an OPEN adoption. I continue to give credit where credit is due, and it was through my newfound friends Aimee and Ashley that I realized how important openness was and how good it could be for the child. I will say I was not very intimidated, and in fact I maybe should have been a little more reserved and put more thought into it. I was just really comfortable with the idea.
John was not so comfortable with it. Which, I think, is natural. There are so many scary stories out there about adoption and fights with birth parents or adoptions gone wrong. And while I likened it to the whole plane crash idea (you ONLY hear about the occasional plane crashes, you don't hear about the thousands of successful flights every day), John was unconvinced.
The idea of "sharing" your child with other parents IS scary. But then we went to our agency's introductory seminar and listened to panels of people representing each part of the adoption triad. And three stories stood out to John...
First was a brother and sister who were adopted (they weren't blood related, in fact looked nothing alike but acted a lot alike) and how well-adjusted they were because of the openness their families had in discussing the way their family was created. They were funny, and really resonated with John.
The second was a much older adoptee, who was part of a closed adoption in the 1960s. She was obviously very conflicted, still hurting from her past. She wasn't told until late in adolescence that she was adopted, and then not allowed to search for her birth parents. She had a LOT of resentment for her adoptive parents, and while she loved them she held a lot of anger in. After her adoptive parents died she found her birthparents (who were, in fact, married to each other since a year after she was born). She talked about them being her REAL parents and how she called them mom and dad and has a better relationship with them than the parents who raised her. She REALLY stood out to both me and John as a situation we did not want to have. We did not want that secrecy and shame to be felt by our child, we wanted our child to love the way they were raised and have love and respect for both sets of parents. It was truly a wake-up call of what we did NOT want.
Finally, the birthmother panel. One of the birthmothers who came to share her story stood out to John and he still talks about it today. I think because she singlehandedly changed his vision of a birthmother. I think the media has a way of presenting birthmothers as less than ideal people. They are often shown as the worst of society; often uneducated, drug-addicted, unloving toward their children, raised in poor families, and of course the age-old idea of a slut. (I'M NOT SAYING THIS IS RIGHT, PLEASE KNOW THAT IS NOT AND NEVER HAS BEEN OUR THOUGHTS!) But we were introduced to the exact opposite. Two beautiful, smart, loving young women. But one of them was truly an eye-opener for John. She was the homecoming queen, head cheerleader from a very affluent family in a very affluent town near where we lived. She literally could have been the girl next door to us. She was lovely and gorgeous. She spoke with such emotion, the pain of losing her daughter still very raw. But she had an open relationship with the adoptive parents. She and her ex-boyfriend both saw their daughter regularly, and both of them were in college and making a different life path for themselves. It was truly eye-opening.
We walked away from that meeting and John said he had no more fears about an open adoption. It was truly God working through these people to soften our hearts and ease our fears.
If I could do anything it would be to take these people and have all our friends and relatives sit through the same sessions and listen to them. I still (and probably always will) have friends remark how brave I am for "sharing" Colt with another woman, how difficult it must be to hear from her or visit her. Everyone means this truly as a compliment and truly because they don't think they could do it. I just try to make sure my response always honors the one that truly has the harder part in this relationship: Colt's birthmom, N. N is the one not only sharing her son with us but trusting us to raise him to be the best person he can be. She TRUSTS me that I will keep her involved and updated on his life. She has sacrificed more than I could ever sacrifice and I did not know what a BLESSING it would be to have that relationship with her. In fact, if anything I wish we had a closer relationship and spoke more regularly!
We're fortunate to have such a smooth and successful open adoption experience and I give all the credit to God. I know he's watching over N, and each step I make with her is guided by him.
I wish I could tell myself back then to trust my gut instincts and to know the power of personal stories. Blogs from all points of the triad are so, so important. It helps us to understand what works, what doesn't, and what people representing the adoptees and birthparents need and want. I can never learn enough. I pray Colt is blessed because of all this! I know he is.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Monday, May 18, 2009
Will you follow me?
This is getting ridiculous. How is it possible for something to grow this much cuter each passing day??Don't forget to mark our other blog address at Anderson Happenings to continue following Colt and his parents' adventures!
Today's post includes a play-by-play of the fine art of rolling over...
Thursday, May 7, 2009
When to spill my guts
So I mentioned that I had a few things I wanted to bring up here before moving over to my main blog, Anderson Happenings. (If you haven't bookmarked it yet, please do!)
And, sure enough, someone always beats me to the punch. Life in the Phisch Bowl talked about it today and others have covered it. I was out with my red-headed adoption club the other day (all three of us have red hair and all our kids are adopted...fun, fun) and I asked them about the following situation.
Believe it or not there are people I come across that don't know Colt is adopted. I know! Shocking! But not everyone in the world reads my blog. Anyway, especially at business dinners and trips I've taken people ask about the baby and I show them pictures. I often hear things like "oh, he didn't get your red hair" or "he's so big, does he take after your husband?" or "are you nursing?".
I always smile and answer politely...but I'm still at a point where I inevitably end up spilling my guts about the fact that we adopted him. I think it's because I'm incredibly proud of his story and I think we had such a great experience to counteract what most people hear in the media about adoption. But I'm starting to feel strange about it...I almost feel like it comes off as a qualifier. I feel GUILTY for not mentioning it.
When does that stop? How do I find the balance between sharing that detail about his life because I'm proud, and keeping it to myself because his birth story does not make him any less my son. As he gets older and understands our words, I don't want him ever feeling like he's less my child because he's adopted, but I want him to be proud of his story and his birthmom.
Blah...I know there's not a firm answer. I'll have to figure out my comfort level, figure out when it's appropriate and when it's not. It's just something I didn't think about before he was born, you know? Anyone have any insight?
***By the way, Colt rolled over, unassisted, today for the first time! Now he's ready to roll all the time...changing his diaper, in our laps, while getting dressed, in the swing...it's going to be crazy from here on!***
And, sure enough, someone always beats me to the punch. Life in the Phisch Bowl talked about it today and others have covered it. I was out with my red-headed adoption club the other day (all three of us have red hair and all our kids are adopted...fun, fun) and I asked them about the following situation.
Believe it or not there are people I come across that don't know Colt is adopted. I know! Shocking! But not everyone in the world reads my blog. Anyway, especially at business dinners and trips I've taken people ask about the baby and I show them pictures. I often hear things like "oh, he didn't get your red hair" or "he's so big, does he take after your husband?" or "are you nursing?".
I always smile and answer politely...but I'm still at a point where I inevitably end up spilling my guts about the fact that we adopted him. I think it's because I'm incredibly proud of his story and I think we had such a great experience to counteract what most people hear in the media about adoption. But I'm starting to feel strange about it...I almost feel like it comes off as a qualifier. I feel GUILTY for not mentioning it.
When does that stop? How do I find the balance between sharing that detail about his life because I'm proud, and keeping it to myself because his birth story does not make him any less my son. As he gets older and understands our words, I don't want him ever feeling like he's less my child because he's adopted, but I want him to be proud of his story and his birthmom.
Blah...I know there's not a firm answer. I'll have to figure out my comfort level, figure out when it's appropriate and when it's not. It's just something I didn't think about before he was born, you know? Anyone have any insight?
***By the way, Colt rolled over, unassisted, today for the first time! Now he's ready to roll all the time...changing his diaper, in our laps, while getting dressed, in the swing...it's going to be crazy from here on!***
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Happy, healthy, hungry baby!
This is one happy baby! We've had a lot of fun the past few weeks, breaking in a new toy (the exersaucer/jumperoo thing) and trying cereal for the first time. We're also sadly growing out of our adorable Dr. Seuss onesies. And our 9-month size shorts.
Look at those thighs! Delicious!
Look at those thighs! Delicious!
Monday, April 27, 2009
Trying desperately not to, but watching my willpower fade so quickly at the sight of Doubltree Hotel cookies...
I had no intention of getting this far behind in blogging. Like some people, Facebook seems to suck the posting right out of me. Also, work has been crazy - absolutely NUTS. And if I can't do it from my phone, then I'm not doing much of anything technologically these days.
Excuses, excuses.
Mostly, I've been thinking about running two blogs, Facebook, and Twitter (@jandj621 is my Twitter name, but seriously - it's mostly work stuff so don't follow me and expect all kinds of serious creativity!).
(And seriously, feel free to friend me on Facebook. I actually DO post all kinds of creative things, like a real gem today: "when did it become socially acceptable to display a box of tampons on your table at restaurants? Or is it just a Chicago thing?". Just make sure you send a note with it telling me who you are if you don't go by your real name in blogland so I don't ignore you!)
Anyway...all the social networking PLUS this real-life networking thing with friends, family, Colt, John, and Faith (the cat who is just ridiculously attention-deprived, at least according to her) well, it's all just too much.
I started documenting my life and crazy things in February of 2005 over at Anderson Happenings. So I feel really guilty (is that even right?!) for letting it go.
My intention is to start posting most of my thoughts and updates and pictures and randomness over there. Click over and bookmark me, add me to your reader, get familiar...Anderson Happenings.
Go ahead, I'll wait...
...
...
This blog will not be deleted. It will probably even have some updates strictly on the adoption front. In fact, I know before I put a hold on updating here, there are at least two major issues I want to bring up here and get your thoughts on. But the general idea is to post a few more posts, then let this be a stagnant blog for a while...until it's time to hope for the next member of our family and I will need this blog as desperately as I need it now!
In my ample amounts of free time, I'll begin adding the same links on this sidebar to my sidebar on Anderson Happenings. I will still follow each and every one of you. (I don't comment too often...mobile blogging just isn't very easy, but I do read everything!) I truly, truly hope you'll continue to follow me over there, too.
Admit it, you can't resist Colt's smile. You want to watch him grow up! I don't want to lose any of you....Anderson Happenings....mark it down!
Ok...goal is by the end of May to be wrapped up (for a while) here. So you have a whole month to get familiar with Anderson Happenings...
Ok, good night. And just so you know - swine flu is NOT a food-borne illness. Don't be afraid to eat bacon, or sausage, or ham, or pork chops. It's a FLU. Respiratory illness. You can't get it from pork! That's all, folks!
Excuses, excuses.
Mostly, I've been thinking about running two blogs, Facebook, and Twitter (@jandj621 is my Twitter name, but seriously - it's mostly work stuff so don't follow me and expect all kinds of serious creativity!).
(And seriously, feel free to friend me on Facebook. I actually DO post all kinds of creative things, like a real gem today: "when did it become socially acceptable to display a box of tampons on your table at restaurants? Or is it just a Chicago thing?". Just make sure you send a note with it telling me who you are if you don't go by your real name in blogland so I don't ignore you!)
Anyway...all the social networking PLUS this real-life networking thing with friends, family, Colt, John, and Faith (the cat who is just ridiculously attention-deprived, at least according to her) well, it's all just too much.
I started documenting my life and crazy things in February of 2005 over at Anderson Happenings. So I feel really guilty (is that even right?!) for letting it go.
My intention is to start posting most of my thoughts and updates and pictures and randomness over there. Click over and bookmark me, add me to your reader, get familiar...Anderson Happenings.
Go ahead, I'll wait...
...
...
This blog will not be deleted. It will probably even have some updates strictly on the adoption front. In fact, I know before I put a hold on updating here, there are at least two major issues I want to bring up here and get your thoughts on. But the general idea is to post a few more posts, then let this be a stagnant blog for a while...until it's time to hope for the next member of our family and I will need this blog as desperately as I need it now!
In my ample amounts of free time, I'll begin adding the same links on this sidebar to my sidebar on Anderson Happenings. I will still follow each and every one of you. (I don't comment too often...mobile blogging just isn't very easy, but I do read everything!) I truly, truly hope you'll continue to follow me over there, too.
Admit it, you can't resist Colt's smile. You want to watch him grow up! I don't want to lose any of you....Anderson Happenings....mark it down!
Ok...goal is by the end of May to be wrapped up (for a while) here. So you have a whole month to get familiar with Anderson Happenings...
Ok, good night. And just so you know - swine flu is NOT a food-borne illness. Don't be afraid to eat bacon, or sausage, or ham, or pork chops. It's a FLU. Respiratory illness. You can't get it from pork! That's all, folks!
Friday, April 17, 2009
One year ago...
Last night a good friend e-mailed me after reading Maybe if You Just Relax. She'd been talking about her daughter turning 2 months old, and talked about how different things were just one year ago. My friend asked me if I remembered where I was one year ago..and hasn't God been good to me in one short year?
Well, one year ago I was in Hawaii. Boy, I really wish I was there right now instead of at my desk...I loved every single thing about Hawaii and wish I could have gone back before my dad's contract ended there and he moved back stateside.
However, being here in OK right now one year later is pretty friggin' awesome.
I do know that this time last year, I was in a MUCH better place than I was the year before. We had decided adoption was our calling, we were on the road. I was finally filled with HOPE instead of hormones. We'd walked out of that fertility specialist's office and never looked back. Not once.
I told my friend that if God wanted me to go back and relive every painful moment over the last 3+ years to get the same result I would do it without blinking. In a heartbeat. All of my friends that are still waiting: believe me, you would do it again. Once your baby is here...you'd do it all over again.
I was laying in bed last night, and John brought Colt in to lay with me as he was getting pretty sleepy. So we were curled up in my bed, watching "Friends" and he was talking away. I laid there with my head up against his head as he drifted to sleep, my arm over his belly and his fist clasped around my finger. His congested breath was warm on my face, and smelled like this intoxicating scent of milk and lavender. I just kept whispering "I love you" to him over and over and wishing there was some way I could put into words how I felt about him.
I remember thinking on my wedding day: saying "I love you" is not enough. Those words simply cannot convey my feelings, they can't describe how my heart bursts and fills my body up to the point that I just want to scream when I see the boys in my life.
"I love you" and "thank you" just seem like such a failure when I'm talking to God. How can I possibly describe the love I have for Him. Saying "thank you" cannot truly express the humility, the thankfulness, the awe in which I have for Him. The idea that he TRUSTS me, he has a PLAN for ME and for my boys, my family. I feel very small when I try to tell him these things...I know He knows my heart but I still wish I could SAY it. His grace, His mercy, His faithfulness...I hope they will follow me all the days of my life and I hope that I can live in a way that shows how much I want to honor His plan.
One year ago I was on the edge of everything changing. I'd been full of hope, but full of pain for so long and one year ago I was on my way to not feeling that way.
Today, I turn 28 years old. Everything I dreamed about has come true. I have wonderful parents who support me and love me. Grandparents who's marriage is a testament to lifelong love...and they have met my son, something I desperately wanted. I have a sister who is my friend. I have in-laws that I love being around. I have friends who would give the shirt off their back if I needed it. I have the house of my dreams (at this point anyway!). A job that I love. A husband who loves me through thick and thin. An amazing young woman a few hours west of me who shares my heart. And a little boy who makes everything complete.
Yeah, I'd say God has been good to me over the past year. Over the past 28 years.
I can't wait to see where I will be a year from now. Probably a lot more frazzled and tired with a 16-month-old running around, but probably still without adequate words to describe my joy.
Well, one year ago I was in Hawaii. Boy, I really wish I was there right now instead of at my desk...I loved every single thing about Hawaii and wish I could have gone back before my dad's contract ended there and he moved back stateside.
However, being here in OK right now one year later is pretty friggin' awesome.
I do know that this time last year, I was in a MUCH better place than I was the year before. We had decided adoption was our calling, we were on the road. I was finally filled with HOPE instead of hormones. We'd walked out of that fertility specialist's office and never looked back. Not once.
I told my friend that if God wanted me to go back and relive every painful moment over the last 3+ years to get the same result I would do it without blinking. In a heartbeat. All of my friends that are still waiting: believe me, you would do it again. Once your baby is here...you'd do it all over again.
I was laying in bed last night, and John brought Colt in to lay with me as he was getting pretty sleepy. So we were curled up in my bed, watching "Friends" and he was talking away. I laid there with my head up against his head as he drifted to sleep, my arm over his belly and his fist clasped around my finger. His congested breath was warm on my face, and smelled like this intoxicating scent of milk and lavender. I just kept whispering "I love you" to him over and over and wishing there was some way I could put into words how I felt about him.
I remember thinking on my wedding day: saying "I love you" is not enough. Those words simply cannot convey my feelings, they can't describe how my heart bursts and fills my body up to the point that I just want to scream when I see the boys in my life.
"I love you" and "thank you" just seem like such a failure when I'm talking to God. How can I possibly describe the love I have for Him. Saying "thank you" cannot truly express the humility, the thankfulness, the awe in which I have for Him. The idea that he TRUSTS me, he has a PLAN for ME and for my boys, my family. I feel very small when I try to tell him these things...I know He knows my heart but I still wish I could SAY it. His grace, His mercy, His faithfulness...I hope they will follow me all the days of my life and I hope that I can live in a way that shows how much I want to honor His plan.
One year ago I was on the edge of everything changing. I'd been full of hope, but full of pain for so long and one year ago I was on my way to not feeling that way.
Today, I turn 28 years old. Everything I dreamed about has come true. I have wonderful parents who support me and love me. Grandparents who's marriage is a testament to lifelong love...and they have met my son, something I desperately wanted. I have a sister who is my friend. I have in-laws that I love being around. I have friends who would give the shirt off their back if I needed it. I have the house of my dreams (at this point anyway!). A job that I love. A husband who loves me through thick and thin. An amazing young woman a few hours west of me who shares my heart. And a little boy who makes everything complete.
Yeah, I'd say God has been good to me over the past year. Over the past 28 years.
I can't wait to see where I will be a year from now. Probably a lot more frazzled and tired with a 16-month-old running around, but probably still without adequate words to describe my joy.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
One very cute, very happy, very sick baby
Here are a few of the pictures I took of Colt on Easter morning. I'm finally figuring out ways to capture the smile. I've realized it really takes at least two people!
Today was his 4-month check-up where we planned to get shots. Unfortunately this well-baby check-up did not go so well. He did not get shots, because it turns out he has double ear infections AND...get this...RSV.
What?!
Ok, now Colt has had a cough for over a month now. However, it was just a dry cough and we related it to reflux because it's usually after he eats and followed by spit-up. I have never been worried about it because he doesn't act like he feels bad. It never makes him cry and he has such a good demeanor. Daycare hasn't been worried about it either.
Over the weekend we noticed the cough had developed into a chesty-cough, a little congestion. However, we spent Saturday at the park and the temperatures in OK range from 30 degrees in the morning to 75 degrees in the afternoon so I thought it might be allergies. I knew this appointment was coming up so I didn't make another appointment.
This morning he began breathing strangely, almost wheezing. But I swear to you guys, not once has he been cranky or fussy or acted even remotely sick. He is so happy and sweet.
I was SHOCKED.
Good news is, he's a very healthy boy otherwise - 18 pounds, 4 oz and 26 1/4 inches long (9th and 90th percentile in case you were wondering!). Doc kept asking if he'd been fussy or cranky and we said no. I think he believe us because Colt was smiling and talking and very active through the whole visit. The cough over the past month or so was reflux, not RSV the whole time so that made me feel better. Daycare was shocked when I called them, they hadn't noticed any fussiness that would mean ear infections or any kind of sickness other than the cough.
Since we've been home, he has been batting at his ear. I don't know if I would have noticed it without the diagnosis but now it's very prominent to me.
Because of the RSV, he can't go back to daycare until Monday so I took today and tomorrow off, John's taking Friday. He's on antibiotic (and LOVES the bubblegum medicine!), and an inhaler breathing treatment every 2 hours for the RSV. Plus we're now on a new formula in hopes we can avoid reflux medicine. So that kind of sucks since daycare provides the generic formula we'd been buying. Now we not only have the added cost of the more expensive formula, but we'll be adding at least one extra can a week if not more.
HE'S WORTH IT!! Especially to keep him off more medicine. But still...money, money, money.
So, we're just enjoying playtime and extra nap time together at home this week. Hoping he feels better soon!
Today was his 4-month check-up where we planned to get shots. Unfortunately this well-baby check-up did not go so well. He did not get shots, because it turns out he has double ear infections AND...get this...RSV.
What?!
Ok, now Colt has had a cough for over a month now. However, it was just a dry cough and we related it to reflux because it's usually after he eats and followed by spit-up. I have never been worried about it because he doesn't act like he feels bad. It never makes him cry and he has such a good demeanor. Daycare hasn't been worried about it either.
Over the weekend we noticed the cough had developed into a chesty-cough, a little congestion. However, we spent Saturday at the park and the temperatures in OK range from 30 degrees in the morning to 75 degrees in the afternoon so I thought it might be allergies. I knew this appointment was coming up so I didn't make another appointment.
This morning he began breathing strangely, almost wheezing. But I swear to you guys, not once has he been cranky or fussy or acted even remotely sick. He is so happy and sweet.
I was SHOCKED.
Good news is, he's a very healthy boy otherwise - 18 pounds, 4 oz and 26 1/4 inches long (9th and 90th percentile in case you were wondering!). Doc kept asking if he'd been fussy or cranky and we said no. I think he believe us because Colt was smiling and talking and very active through the whole visit. The cough over the past month or so was reflux, not RSV the whole time so that made me feel better. Daycare was shocked when I called them, they hadn't noticed any fussiness that would mean ear infections or any kind of sickness other than the cough.
Since we've been home, he has been batting at his ear. I don't know if I would have noticed it without the diagnosis but now it's very prominent to me.
Because of the RSV, he can't go back to daycare until Monday so I took today and tomorrow off, John's taking Friday. He's on antibiotic (and LOVES the bubblegum medicine!), and an inhaler breathing treatment every 2 hours for the RSV. Plus we're now on a new formula in hopes we can avoid reflux medicine. So that kind of sucks since daycare provides the generic formula we'd been buying. Now we not only have the added cost of the more expensive formula, but we'll be adding at least one extra can a week if not more.
HE'S WORTH IT!! Especially to keep him off more medicine. But still...money, money, money.
So, we're just enjoying playtime and extra nap time together at home this week. Hoping he feels better soon!
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Day at the Park
Our good friend, Van, is turning 2 on Monday. So today was his big birthday party at a neighborhood park. It was a little breezy, a little cool to start out but once we got in the sunshine and started moving around it was a perfect day! Colt had a great time sliding down slides with Daddy and watching the big kids hit a pinata and open presents.
He was so good and I think he will definitely be an outdoors guy! Look how big and grown up he looks in my lap!
He was so good and I think he will definitely be an outdoors guy! Look how big and grown up he looks in my lap!
Monday, April 6, 2009
Then and Now
So, we went to visit N this weekend. I'm not sure how these visits are supposed to go, but I felt like it went really well! I wasn't even that nervous about it until right before we walked in the door. But once we were inside, N gave me a hug and everything felt easy and natural.
We ended up going to her grandmother's house for the visit, which is out of the norm but ended up being the best decision. It was easy to pass Colt around, he could lay on the ground and move and play. We weren't confined by a booth in a restaurant or anything. We brought his playgym and he showed off his screaming voice (and subsequent laughter) and was kicking and scooting around like crazy!
I handed Colt to N when we first got there and she covered him in kisses. I encouraged her to take his socks and his pants off so she could see his legs and little feet. She kept saying "he's just so big" over and over. He IS really big! I can't imagine how it must feel to see how much he's grown and changed over the last 3 1/2 months.
Her grandmother, grandfather, sister, and two friends were there. Everyone was so friendly and gracious and excited to hear every little detail I overwhelmed them with. N held him quite a bit, but she also let him play and get passed around. When I told her she could pick him up from his playgym she said "I know, I just like to watch him". Which, I guess is true...when you're holding him it's hard to watch his movements and facial expressions. She stared at him most of the time, and seemed to be very happy.
I seemed to stare at her quite a bit, trying to pick out physical features that they shared. We'd only seen her a couple of times in the hospital so it was good to really get a feel for how she looks when she hasn't just given birth. She's skinny...oh so skinny. She said Colt's birthfather is 6'3" and around 180 pounds, so I guess that's where Colt gets his weight and length from! Her hair was pulled back, so I could see all of her facial features. They share the same ears and the same eye color.
I thought Colt looked a lot like N's sister. They have the same eye shape, hair, and cheeks. It was fun to pick things out and recognize his features on someone else.
The funniest thing was when I was picking him up off the floor I made a groan as I lifted him (Dude is heavy, ok) and she said "I'm sorry he's so heavy". Like it was her fault! I laughed and said "don't be sorry! It means he's healthy and growing!".
Toward the end of the visit, John and I had been exchanging glances with our caseworker, T. Colt was getting fussy and we'd noticed N's attention was waning. As if on cue she said "I don't want to rush you off, but feel free to leave when you need to". I was so glad it was her suggestion, so we didn't rush off if she wanted more time. But it had been over two hours and I imagine so many emotions were hitting her. As we pulled out of the driveway, John saw her get in her car, wiping away tears, refusing to look our way. She hadn't cried at all the whole day, so it tells me she's very strong.
She's doing very well, back to work at a local hospital and in school. She's living on her own with her boyfriend, who is apparently a good guy. They started dating toward the end of her pregnancy and he's been very supportive. He did not come yesterday, she said he wanted to give her the space she needed and felt it was a little inappropriate to be there on this first visit.
John asked her if she had any questions for us. She simply said "not really. I wanted to make sure he was happy. From everything I've seen, he's very happy and you guys are great parents".
It meant the world to me.
These photos are from the day we left the hospital and the last time she saw him, to a photo taken last week and what he looked like this time. What a difference 3 months makes.
We ended up going to her grandmother's house for the visit, which is out of the norm but ended up being the best decision. It was easy to pass Colt around, he could lay on the ground and move and play. We weren't confined by a booth in a restaurant or anything. We brought his playgym and he showed off his screaming voice (and subsequent laughter) and was kicking and scooting around like crazy!
I handed Colt to N when we first got there and she covered him in kisses. I encouraged her to take his socks and his pants off so she could see his legs and little feet. She kept saying "he's just so big" over and over. He IS really big! I can't imagine how it must feel to see how much he's grown and changed over the last 3 1/2 months.
Her grandmother, grandfather, sister, and two friends were there. Everyone was so friendly and gracious and excited to hear every little detail I overwhelmed them with. N held him quite a bit, but she also let him play and get passed around. When I told her she could pick him up from his playgym she said "I know, I just like to watch him". Which, I guess is true...when you're holding him it's hard to watch his movements and facial expressions. She stared at him most of the time, and seemed to be very happy.
I seemed to stare at her quite a bit, trying to pick out physical features that they shared. We'd only seen her a couple of times in the hospital so it was good to really get a feel for how she looks when she hasn't just given birth. She's skinny...oh so skinny. She said Colt's birthfather is 6'3" and around 180 pounds, so I guess that's where Colt gets his weight and length from! Her hair was pulled back, so I could see all of her facial features. They share the same ears and the same eye color.
I thought Colt looked a lot like N's sister. They have the same eye shape, hair, and cheeks. It was fun to pick things out and recognize his features on someone else.
The funniest thing was when I was picking him up off the floor I made a groan as I lifted him (Dude is heavy, ok) and she said "I'm sorry he's so heavy". Like it was her fault! I laughed and said "don't be sorry! It means he's healthy and growing!".
Toward the end of the visit, John and I had been exchanging glances with our caseworker, T. Colt was getting fussy and we'd noticed N's attention was waning. As if on cue she said "I don't want to rush you off, but feel free to leave when you need to". I was so glad it was her suggestion, so we didn't rush off if she wanted more time. But it had been over two hours and I imagine so many emotions were hitting her. As we pulled out of the driveway, John saw her get in her car, wiping away tears, refusing to look our way. She hadn't cried at all the whole day, so it tells me she's very strong.
She's doing very well, back to work at a local hospital and in school. She's living on her own with her boyfriend, who is apparently a good guy. They started dating toward the end of her pregnancy and he's been very supportive. He did not come yesterday, she said he wanted to give her the space she needed and felt it was a little inappropriate to be there on this first visit.
John asked her if she had any questions for us. She simply said "not really. I wanted to make sure he was happy. From everything I've seen, he's very happy and you guys are great parents".
It meant the world to me.
These photos are from the day we left the hospital and the last time she saw him, to a photo taken last week and what he looked like this time. What a difference 3 months makes.
Friday, April 3, 2009
Visit with N
Tomorrow we are traveling west for a daytrip to see N. I've experienced a range of emotions leading up to this, mostly a mix of excitement and anxiety.
Yesterday our caseworker sent us an e-mail about a conversation she'd had with N when she called to confirm the trip. N had just received 2 months worth of pictures and letters from us and T (our caseworker) said she was very excited.
Apparently it was an awesome conversation, because T wrote down some of the comments she made and wanted to share with us. I got this e-mail as I was sitting in a long, long meeting. I was already worn out and ready to fly back home when it came across and there, in this tiny conference room with a bunch of senior-level executives in the room, tears sprung to my eyes.
I won't repeat everything because it's private and I don't know if N would be ok with me sharing it. But it eased any anxiety I had about going to see her. I'm now counting the hours because of excitement! I can't wait for her to see how much he's grown, how happy he is. I can't wait for her to hug him and feed him and just see how amazing he is. I know she's nervous, probably even more than we are, and it will probably be hard again when we leave to head home. But I hope it's the beginning of a lifetime of visits. I can honestly, with a very open heart, say that.
She will have several family members at the visit tomorrow including her grandmother, sister, and dad. I'm excited for them to see Colt, too, but I asked T to make sure that N knew this day was about her. I don't want her to feel pressure to pass him around or not get as much time holding him as she'd like. But I know it will be fine!
If you have extra prayers to spare, please say a little one for ALL of us tomorrow. That there is no awkwardness, that Colt is his usual happy self (watch this be the ONE day in his life he's fussy), that N has a good time, that N and her family walk away feeling good about me and John as parents to this precious boy. Such a range of emotions.
I'll let you know how it goes!
Yesterday our caseworker sent us an e-mail about a conversation she'd had with N when she called to confirm the trip. N had just received 2 months worth of pictures and letters from us and T (our caseworker) said she was very excited.
Apparently it was an awesome conversation, because T wrote down some of the comments she made and wanted to share with us. I got this e-mail as I was sitting in a long, long meeting. I was already worn out and ready to fly back home when it came across and there, in this tiny conference room with a bunch of senior-level executives in the room, tears sprung to my eyes.
I won't repeat everything because it's private and I don't know if N would be ok with me sharing it. But it eased any anxiety I had about going to see her. I'm now counting the hours because of excitement! I can't wait for her to see how much he's grown, how happy he is. I can't wait for her to hug him and feed him and just see how amazing he is. I know she's nervous, probably even more than we are, and it will probably be hard again when we leave to head home. But I hope it's the beginning of a lifetime of visits. I can honestly, with a very open heart, say that.
She will have several family members at the visit tomorrow including her grandmother, sister, and dad. I'm excited for them to see Colt, too, but I asked T to make sure that N knew this day was about her. I don't want her to feel pressure to pass him around or not get as much time holding him as she'd like. But I know it will be fine!
If you have extra prayers to spare, please say a little one for ALL of us tomorrow. That there is no awkwardness, that Colt is his usual happy self (watch this be the ONE day in his life he's fussy), that N has a good time, that N and her family walk away feeling good about me and John as parents to this precious boy. Such a range of emotions.
I'll let you know how it goes!
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Monday, March 30, 2009
Another new family!
Just quickly checking in with a few thoughts...
I am SOOOOOOOO excited when any one of my friends has a new baby. Whether giving birth after long fertility treatments, giving birth after a surprise pregnancy, giving birth exactly as planned, or through adoption. Always excited. But over the weekend my blog friend, Bri suddenly became a mom. She woke up on Saturday like any other day and by that night had her 2-day-old daughter at home in her arms.
Awesome, awesome, awesome. Bri has been with me on my adoption path for a while, always supportive and always honest in her blog posts. She says exactly what I'm thinking, but much more eloquently. I am so happy for her.
I have been praying extra hard for some particular blog friends that are moms-in-waiting over the last month or so. Bri is one of them so maybe, just maybe, my extra prayers are helping??
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Also, I recently learned of a good IRL friend's pregnancy and realized, yet again, why I would make a terrible pregnant lady. I don't know how you all keep your pregnancy a secret for the first couple of weeks/months. I would be terrible at that. I'd get a positive on the pregnancy test and run directly to my blog or phone and tell the world!!
God is just so very good. He knows just what we need, when we need it, and his plans are always perfect, aren't they?
Congratulations friend-still-keeping-her-pregnancy-a-secret-for-some-people. And congratulations, Bri!
I am SOOOOOOOO excited when any one of my friends has a new baby. Whether giving birth after long fertility treatments, giving birth after a surprise pregnancy, giving birth exactly as planned, or through adoption. Always excited. But over the weekend my blog friend, Bri suddenly became a mom. She woke up on Saturday like any other day and by that night had her 2-day-old daughter at home in her arms.
Awesome, awesome, awesome. Bri has been with me on my adoption path for a while, always supportive and always honest in her blog posts. She says exactly what I'm thinking, but much more eloquently. I am so happy for her.
I have been praying extra hard for some particular blog friends that are moms-in-waiting over the last month or so. Bri is one of them so maybe, just maybe, my extra prayers are helping??
-----------------
Also, I recently learned of a good IRL friend's pregnancy and realized, yet again, why I would make a terrible pregnant lady. I don't know how you all keep your pregnancy a secret for the first couple of weeks/months. I would be terrible at that. I'd get a positive on the pregnancy test and run directly to my blog or phone and tell the world!!
God is just so very good. He knows just what we need, when we need it, and his plans are always perfect, aren't they?
Congratulations friend-still-keeping-her-pregnancy-a-secret-for-some-people. And congratulations, Bri!
Friday, March 27, 2009
Recommendations
I have found that the best advice I get comes from Facebook and other blogs. Products to use and not use, ideas for solving a variety of issues...I'm turning to friends and even strangers and taking their advice.
So, in that spirit I thought I'd share my Top 10 favorite products, that Colt and I can't live without!
California Baby Calendula Cream - I am not, by any means, a green, natural, organic fanatic. It all sounds interesting but pretty much a lot of work to do. So, if the products I buy are organic and natural - GREAT! If not, that's fine too. I got the recommendation to use this when Colt was having major baby acne issues that were turning into major eczema issues. This stuff healed it almost overnight. Not even kidding. He still has days where dry patches break out on his delicious cheeks, so I smother him in this all day long and it works like a charm. I found this at Target for $12...it's kind of pricey, but lasts a long time, smells great, feels great, and it works!
Munchkin Powdered Formula Dispenser and Playtex Drop-Ins System - Do you ever see some product that is so simple, but so GENIUS you slap yourself for not being the one to come up with it? That's how I feel about the powdered formula dispenser. I mean, seriously, so simple yet so necessary! We're on the go all the time so the dispenser plus the easy-to-clean drop-ins system makes going out incredibly easy.
Security blanket/stuffed animal/satin thingy - the link is to an example of the ones we have. Colt loves to hold burp rags or blankets or anything soft. He likes rubbing them on his face, eating them (as he does everything these days), or just holding securely on to one. I love these things because of the satin edges plus the stuffed animal part he can cuddle with. We have a lion, a puppy, and a frog and he always has one with him.
Old Navy baby jeans - actually, any clothes from Old Navy are prone to receiving lots of compliments, ooooos, aaahhhs, and pinching of cheeks. But the jeans, oh the jeans. I love me some baby jeans. There is nothing cuter than 0-3 month dark wash or faded jeans. Old Navy stuff is great quality, stands up to a lot of washings!
A&D -Good ol' A&D ointment! It solves everything from diaper rash to scratches to raw areas that eczema leaves behind. Usually heals things within 24 hours. We have a giant tube that we've been using since Colt came home, and it will probably last us a year! It's great to have on-hand.
Of course, lots of other things, too...but these are just a few of the specific things we love!
So, in that spirit I thought I'd share my Top 10 favorite products, that Colt and I can't live without!
California Baby Calendula Cream - I am not, by any means, a green, natural, organic fanatic. It all sounds interesting but pretty much a lot of work to do. So, if the products I buy are organic and natural - GREAT! If not, that's fine too. I got the recommendation to use this when Colt was having major baby acne issues that were turning into major eczema issues. This stuff healed it almost overnight. Not even kidding. He still has days where dry patches break out on his delicious cheeks, so I smother him in this all day long and it works like a charm. I found this at Target for $12...it's kind of pricey, but lasts a long time, smells great, feels great, and it works!
Munchkin Powdered Formula Dispenser and Playtex Drop-Ins System - Do you ever see some product that is so simple, but so GENIUS you slap yourself for not being the one to come up with it? That's how I feel about the powdered formula dispenser. I mean, seriously, so simple yet so necessary! We're on the go all the time so the dispenser plus the easy-to-clean drop-ins system makes going out incredibly easy.
Security blanket/stuffed animal/satin thingy - the link is to an example of the ones we have. Colt loves to hold burp rags or blankets or anything soft. He likes rubbing them on his face, eating them (as he does everything these days), or just holding securely on to one. I love these things because of the satin edges plus the stuffed animal part he can cuddle with. We have a lion, a puppy, and a frog and he always has one with him.
Miracle Blanket - how do I love the Miracle Blanket? Let me count the ways...Colt has been sleeping through the night since he was about 7 weeks old. Sure there are nights when he doesn't but for the most part we have been blessed with a sleepy boy. It did not take long to get his days and nights in the right order and I attribute every bit of that success to the Miracle Blanket. Heard about it in blogland, we now own two (in case one is dirty). Our bedtime routine means swaddling Colt super tight in his MB and almost immediately his eyes start drooping. I'm hoping soon they will have one for preschoolers and adolescents so Colt can be swaddled until college. I LOVE this blanket, John LOVES this blanket, it is THE reason we get 8 hours of sleep each night! I hear they're available at Target - yay!! If you have a new baby or a baby that can's sleep...do yourself a favor and BUY ONE! Or let me know and I'll buy it for you. That's how much I love them. Ok, seriously, I can't buy for everyone. But you get the drift.
Just One Year Infant Sleepers - We have tried several different brands of sleepers, but Just One Year versions are my favorites. For one, the zipper is high-quality. For two, the arms seem to be a little longer, so they fit him longer. John and I had a MAJOR fight in the middle of Target about sleepers that included throwing, so I can promise I don't recommend this brand lightly.
Just One Year Bibs - Once again, I really like the stuff this brand makes. The bibs are the best. They are thin, but have a waterproof lining in between. They have a nice width and are perfect for babies that drool a lot and spit up a lot. With that in mind, you can definitely count on my recommendation!Old Navy baby jeans - actually, any clothes from Old Navy are prone to receiving lots of compliments, ooooos, aaahhhs, and pinching of cheeks. But the jeans, oh the jeans. I love me some baby jeans. There is nothing cuter than 0-3 month dark wash or faded jeans. Old Navy stuff is great quality, stands up to a lot of washings!
A&D -Good ol' A&D ointment! It solves everything from diaper rash to scratches to raw areas that eczema leaves behind. Usually heals things within 24 hours. We have a giant tube that we've been using since Colt came home, and it will probably last us a year! It's great to have on-hand.
Of course, lots of other things, too...but these are just a few of the specific things we love!
Monday, March 23, 2009
I wish I could describe how excited I am
What an amazing weekend it's been. In the last week, Colt has met some MAJOR milestones and we're just so awed by him! It's so unbelievable to watch them actually learn new things, recognize new things, and GROW right before our very eyes.
First, as you know he's been talking and smiling like a mad man. He recognizes people and things, it's so fun to have him track me or John across a room and light up when he makes eye contact.
Second, he is very much on the move. No, not crawling and not even quite rolling yet. But he is scooting like crazy. The first picture is how I laid him down in his playgym last night while I was getting stuff ready for this morning. Look at those delicious chunky thighs! The second picture is how I found him a mere 5 minutes later. Completely turned around and on the other side! When did he learn to do that?
Turns out he was going after the toys. He has discovered toys and can't get enough of grabbing on to them. He will fix himself in any position he needs to to play, especially with dangling toys. It won't be long until he rolls over to get the ones on the ground. He really loves the toys we dangle on the car seat now.
He has obviously been doing well with tummy time at school. Thank goodness for school because he hates tummy time and it makes it hard for me to be real motivated to work with him on that. But last night we helped him roll over and he immediately propped his head up and looked around! Before he couldn't lift his head, now he's almost in a crawling position!
But still, after all that he gets pretty sleepy. Sometimes it just takes the swing to get a good nap. Love the mohawk his teachers fixed for him.
I am SO excited after this weekend about all he's doing. It's just crazy fun. His teachers told me today that he hit some major milestones last week and they are thrilled with his development. I didn't realize just how much I would love seeing those things. The cuddling is great, but watching him grow and learn...there's just nothing else like it.
Also, he's pretty much wearing 6-month clothes at this point. I had to do some major shopping with my mom and aunt this weekend to find short-sleeved stuff in a size that will actually fit him!
He is one amazing little (big?) boy and I am so privileged to be his mom!
First, as you know he's been talking and smiling like a mad man. He recognizes people and things, it's so fun to have him track me or John across a room and light up when he makes eye contact.
Second, he is very much on the move. No, not crawling and not even quite rolling yet. But he is scooting like crazy. The first picture is how I laid him down in his playgym last night while I was getting stuff ready for this morning. Look at those delicious chunky thighs! The second picture is how I found him a mere 5 minutes later. Completely turned around and on the other side! When did he learn to do that?
Turns out he was going after the toys. He has discovered toys and can't get enough of grabbing on to them. He will fix himself in any position he needs to to play, especially with dangling toys. It won't be long until he rolls over to get the ones on the ground. He really loves the toys we dangle on the car seat now.
He has obviously been doing well with tummy time at school. Thank goodness for school because he hates tummy time and it makes it hard for me to be real motivated to work with him on that. But last night we helped him roll over and he immediately propped his head up and looked around! Before he couldn't lift his head, now he's almost in a crawling position!
But still, after all that he gets pretty sleepy. Sometimes it just takes the swing to get a good nap. Love the mohawk his teachers fixed for him.
I am SO excited after this weekend about all he's doing. It's just crazy fun. His teachers told me today that he hit some major milestones last week and they are thrilled with his development. I didn't realize just how much I would love seeing those things. The cuddling is great, but watching him grow and learn...there's just nothing else like it.
Also, he's pretty much wearing 6-month clothes at this point. I had to do some major shopping with my mom and aunt this weekend to find short-sleeved stuff in a size that will actually fit him!
He is one amazing little (big?) boy and I am so privileged to be his mom!
A week late...but Happy St. Patrick's Day!
Sorry these are a week late. And also, not rotated correctly. The computer is acting up, so just turn your head, ok?
Yes, that is a mohawk. The teachers at school have a lot of fun with Colt's hair!
Yes, that is a mohawk. The teachers at school have a lot of fun with Colt's hair!
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Colt's Dedication
One thing that is so special about our church is how much the congregation loves children. I mean, all churches do, I suppose. But so much of the curriculum and activities and classes are built around kids. John and I have been involved with the children's ministry for quite some time with Children's Bible Hour.
One of the things that happens every Sunday during Late Service is that one of our preachers, Kent, has "Children's Story Time". All the kids in the congregation run to the front of the auditorium and sit on the stage to sing kids Bible songs and hear a short story. And whenever there is a new baby, Kent incorporates the birth into this special time. Not sure what it's called exactly (no formal name) but I call it "baby dedication". The parents bring the baby up front, Kent holds him/her and shows him off to all the kids. He talks about the baby and asks the kids to be good examples to him/her as they grow up, and to help teach them about God.
He then says a special prayer for the new family.
I've watched so many families have this special time, and it's one of those things that often made infertility so much more painful. Along with pregnancy announcements, showers, Mother's Day, etc. But it was because I so longed to be able to stand up there and have our congregation shower blessings and prayers for us. I longed to introduce MY child to the other children. To see MY child's picture on the screen. To be a part of it all.
We knew we wanted to do this, but because of the long wait with the birth father's termination hearing we wanted to hold off until things were more "finalized". So the first Sunday in March was Colt's day. I could hardly hold back the tears. Kent told the kids about Colt, he named off ALL our family members that were there (which was pretty much everybody), and it was just wonderful.
I appreciated it especially because he didn't specifically say that Colt was adopted. Most of the congregation knows, and Kent has a special tie because his son is adopted, too. But I just appreciated being honored as a family...no qualifiers. I know that sounds strange, because I so love our story and honor his birthmother. But it was wonderful to just feel like a new mom. No qualifiers. He did mention in his prayer that it felt extra special that day because of the unique way our family was brought together. And I loved it.
It was such a wonderful moment. Our entire family (even Aunt Julia and her friend came!), our friends who loved and supported us for so long were watching. It was like the final piece to coming together as a family. I'm so thankful that we had this experience and that everyone was there. I couldn't say much or I would break down and cry.
Of course I didn't think to have anyone come and take pictures. Luckily a few people brought cameras and took pictures from our spot in the balcony. They didn't turn out very well, but at least it's something. I sent the picture of Colt on his first day home, in his "I was worth the wait" onesie for the screens. I think it was fitting.
One of the things that happens every Sunday during Late Service is that one of our preachers, Kent, has "Children's Story Time". All the kids in the congregation run to the front of the auditorium and sit on the stage to sing kids Bible songs and hear a short story. And whenever there is a new baby, Kent incorporates the birth into this special time. Not sure what it's called exactly (no formal name) but I call it "baby dedication". The parents bring the baby up front, Kent holds him/her and shows him off to all the kids. He talks about the baby and asks the kids to be good examples to him/her as they grow up, and to help teach them about God.
He then says a special prayer for the new family.
I've watched so many families have this special time, and it's one of those things that often made infertility so much more painful. Along with pregnancy announcements, showers, Mother's Day, etc. But it was because I so longed to be able to stand up there and have our congregation shower blessings and prayers for us. I longed to introduce MY child to the other children. To see MY child's picture on the screen. To be a part of it all.
We knew we wanted to do this, but because of the long wait with the birth father's termination hearing we wanted to hold off until things were more "finalized". So the first Sunday in March was Colt's day. I could hardly hold back the tears. Kent told the kids about Colt, he named off ALL our family members that were there (which was pretty much everybody), and it was just wonderful.
I appreciated it especially because he didn't specifically say that Colt was adopted. Most of the congregation knows, and Kent has a special tie because his son is adopted, too. But I just appreciated being honored as a family...no qualifiers. I know that sounds strange, because I so love our story and honor his birthmother. But it was wonderful to just feel like a new mom. No qualifiers. He did mention in his prayer that it felt extra special that day because of the unique way our family was brought together. And I loved it.
It was such a wonderful moment. Our entire family (even Aunt Julia and her friend came!), our friends who loved and supported us for so long were watching. It was like the final piece to coming together as a family. I'm so thankful that we had this experience and that everyone was there. I couldn't say much or I would break down and cry.
Of course I didn't think to have anyone come and take pictures. Luckily a few people brought cameras and took pictures from our spot in the balcony. They didn't turn out very well, but at least it's something. I sent the picture of Colt on his first day home, in his "I was worth the wait" onesie for the screens. I think it was fitting.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
In the spirit of more Sunday Inspiration
I had been encouraged by many people to watch the movie "Fireproof" with Kirk Cameron. The couples retreat at our church (which we couldn't attend unfortunately) focused around the theme of this movie. And strangely enough, I've been thinking about this long before I knew there was a movie about it.
I would like to see a movie about real marriage. Marriage that goes through a hard time and doesn't break up. Marriage that you fight for. How you choose every single day to make your marriage work, no matter what. I'm certainly aware that some marriages can't be fixed. Abuse, extramarital affairs, ongoing lies, prison time...I can see where some marriages are in extreme circumstances. But what about those that aren't facing a last resort - those that just THINK they are on their last resort?
The movie "He's Just Not That Into You" made me angry as I left. Spoiler if you haven't seen it: one couple (Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Connelly) married in college and seem to have it all. Then Bradley's character meets Scarlett Johnassen's character and instead of jumping right in, he hesitates. He says he's married, says they can't even be friends. I was rooting for the right decision the whole time. But no...he finally gave into temptation. He cheated, he admitted it to his wife, and even though she wanted to work on it, he didn't and then spent the rest of the movie bashing marriage and making it seem like a prison to all guys out there.
What about the REAL couples that face REAL problems: infertility, money/debt, parenting, job moves, children's activities, lackluster sex life, pornography, and the dreaded "I love you, but I'm not IN love with you" talk. I know people who have faced each and every one of these and have come out stronger in their marriage than ever before. There are people who have suffered from an affair and worked VERY hard and VERY long to build back trust and love and stay together because they made a commitment. Because they made a family and they promised nothing would come between them. What about those people? What about women AND men that want to be married, love being married, but just go through hard times?
"Fireproof" is that movie. What's great is that it's about a couple (they don't have kids yet) that basically they grew apart. Jobs and family situations overtook everything. They whined, nagged each other, felt disrespected, said hateful sarcastic things, and never put the other first. They were ready for divorce until a 40-day challenge called "The Love Dare" showed up in their mail and they went for it. They began to hold their tongue, say tiny positive things that eventually led to huge positive things. Gestures and listening and understanding and ultimately the realization is that it's not over. Neither wanted to live life without the other. It just took WORK to get back to that point.
Much like the book "The Shack", this movie I hope has changed me. I've been thinking about how I could recognize my marriage in a big way in that movie. Sarcasm, snapping at meaningless things, annoyance, distance, and in general I put myself before John and he has a tendency to do that as well. So I hope that one day he will watch the movie as well and recognize our cues. And we can work together to have a strong marriage that will last as long as my grandparents 60+ years (both sets!).
Anyway...just watch it. Especially if you're struggling with infertility because, take it from me, that is a time when annoyance, hateful comments, not listening, not understanding, and more can take a toll and actually destroy families before they ever get started.
But the real reason I'm writing about this is because the soundtrack....oh, the soundtrack...is beautiful. I highly recommend every song on there. I may talk about another song in the next few weeks, but today I am writing the words to a song called "While I'm Waiting". This, my friends, is for those of you in waiting. Whether religious or not, it's a humbling and haunting song. I wish I'd heard it during the time I was waiting. I hope you like it.
While I'm Waiting (click here to hear the entire beautiful song)
John Waller - Fireproof Soundtrack
I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait
I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait
I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord
God is Faithful.
P.S. - My other two faves are "Slow Fade" by Casting Crowns and "Love is not a Fight" by Warren Barfield
I would like to see a movie about real marriage. Marriage that goes through a hard time and doesn't break up. Marriage that you fight for. How you choose every single day to make your marriage work, no matter what. I'm certainly aware that some marriages can't be fixed. Abuse, extramarital affairs, ongoing lies, prison time...I can see where some marriages are in extreme circumstances. But what about those that aren't facing a last resort - those that just THINK they are on their last resort?
The movie "He's Just Not That Into You" made me angry as I left. Spoiler if you haven't seen it: one couple (Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Connelly) married in college and seem to have it all. Then Bradley's character meets Scarlett Johnassen's character and instead of jumping right in, he hesitates. He says he's married, says they can't even be friends. I was rooting for the right decision the whole time. But no...he finally gave into temptation. He cheated, he admitted it to his wife, and even though she wanted to work on it, he didn't and then spent the rest of the movie bashing marriage and making it seem like a prison to all guys out there.
What about the REAL couples that face REAL problems: infertility, money/debt, parenting, job moves, children's activities, lackluster sex life, pornography, and the dreaded "I love you, but I'm not IN love with you" talk. I know people who have faced each and every one of these and have come out stronger in their marriage than ever before. There are people who have suffered from an affair and worked VERY hard and VERY long to build back trust and love and stay together because they made a commitment. Because they made a family and they promised nothing would come between them. What about those people? What about women AND men that want to be married, love being married, but just go through hard times?
"Fireproof" is that movie. What's great is that it's about a couple (they don't have kids yet) that basically they grew apart. Jobs and family situations overtook everything. They whined, nagged each other, felt disrespected, said hateful sarcastic things, and never put the other first. They were ready for divorce until a 40-day challenge called "The Love Dare" showed up in their mail and they went for it. They began to hold their tongue, say tiny positive things that eventually led to huge positive things. Gestures and listening and understanding and ultimately the realization is that it's not over. Neither wanted to live life without the other. It just took WORK to get back to that point.
Much like the book "The Shack", this movie I hope has changed me. I've been thinking about how I could recognize my marriage in a big way in that movie. Sarcasm, snapping at meaningless things, annoyance, distance, and in general I put myself before John and he has a tendency to do that as well. So I hope that one day he will watch the movie as well and recognize our cues. And we can work together to have a strong marriage that will last as long as my grandparents 60+ years (both sets!).
Anyway...just watch it. Especially if you're struggling with infertility because, take it from me, that is a time when annoyance, hateful comments, not listening, not understanding, and more can take a toll and actually destroy families before they ever get started.
But the real reason I'm writing about this is because the soundtrack....oh, the soundtrack...is beautiful. I highly recommend every song on there. I may talk about another song in the next few weeks, but today I am writing the words to a song called "While I'm Waiting". This, my friends, is for those of you in waiting. Whether religious or not, it's a humbling and haunting song. I wish I'd heard it during the time I was waiting. I hope you like it.
While I'm Waiting (click here to hear the entire beautiful song)
John Waller - Fireproof Soundtrack
I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait
I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait
I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord
God is Faithful.
P.S. - My other two faves are "Slow Fade" by Casting Crowns and "Love is not a Fight" by Warren Barfield
Saturday, March 14, 2009
I can't get enough of this kid!
A typical Saturday in the Anderson household goes a little something like this:
Get up in the morning, feel inspired by the music. Stevie Wonder is the tune, but for the true effect we have to have the sunglasses.
Then Mom dresses you up in ADORABLE overalls (Old Navy shout out!) and then she insists on taking pictures with you mostly to show off her new haircut which looks especially ravishing after three full days of not moving out of the house.
Then we practice a little tummy time, but since you hate it it doesn't last long enough to get a picture of the screams. We move on to a brand new toy: the bumbo! You need a little help from a burp rag to keep you from doin' a gangsta lean back, but ultimately you fit just great. This could be fun...
We play with our star friend, bird friend, rattle and blocks on our Baby Einstein Play Gym. We dance a little and kick our feet to the music of Bach and Beethoven. In between our activities Mom takes you to Sam's for an adventure in jumbo toilet paper roll buying. A bottle here and there and it's time to end the day.
Where better to land than on Daddy's side of the bed to catch a late-night episode of "House Hunters" and ESPN Sports Center. Finally, snuggled with your froggie friend, you crash. Not long after that, you're in your crib, asleep in dreamland, completely worn out from the day.
Yes, being just 2 days shy of 3 months old is a hard life. You learn something new everyday and, boy, do you like to talk about it. Plus, that Mom of yours keeps stalking you with the camera desperate for one smile caught in film. It takes a lot of energy, but you're seeing how long you can torture her by not smiling until after the flash.
These aren't just the best days of you life, they are the best days of your Mom and Dad's lives.
Get up in the morning, feel inspired by the music. Stevie Wonder is the tune, but for the true effect we have to have the sunglasses.
Then Mom dresses you up in ADORABLE overalls (Old Navy shout out!) and then she insists on taking pictures with you mostly to show off her new haircut which looks especially ravishing after three full days of not moving out of the house.
Then we practice a little tummy time, but since you hate it it doesn't last long enough to get a picture of the screams. We move on to a brand new toy: the bumbo! You need a little help from a burp rag to keep you from doin' a gangsta lean back, but ultimately you fit just great. This could be fun...
We play with our star friend, bird friend, rattle and blocks on our Baby Einstein Play Gym. We dance a little and kick our feet to the music of Bach and Beethoven. In between our activities Mom takes you to Sam's for an adventure in jumbo toilet paper roll buying. A bottle here and there and it's time to end the day.
Where better to land than on Daddy's side of the bed to catch a late-night episode of "House Hunters" and ESPN Sports Center. Finally, snuggled with your froggie friend, you crash. Not long after that, you're in your crib, asleep in dreamland, completely worn out from the day.
Yes, being just 2 days shy of 3 months old is a hard life. You learn something new everyday and, boy, do you like to talk about it. Plus, that Mom of yours keeps stalking you with the camera desperate for one smile caught in film. It takes a lot of energy, but you're seeing how long you can torture her by not smiling until after the flash.
These aren't just the best days of you life, they are the best days of your Mom and Dad's lives.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Stuck
I'm sort of stuck. I'm stuck with what to say, with the direction of this blog, the direction of my thoughts.
4 long years ago I started our family blog Anderson Happenings, which quickly turned into MY blog with John as a supporting player. It was mostly read by some family, a few friends, but never very many comments and that was fine. It was a nice outlet for me.
When we started TTC (trying to conceive), we didn't tell anyone for over a year, so I didn't spend much time talking about it on that blog. In fact, when I did finally open up about it, we were at the first of 2 RE's we would see and after several Clomid cycles which caused me to be slightly crazy. So this little blog of nothingness suddenly became very heavy and very personal and a little uncomfortable for those in my every day life (namely, men!).
I got the idea that I should start a specific blog for infertility struggles. There I could talk about periods and needles and ovulation and sperm counts and all the uncomfortable, slightly embarrassing things that a regular ol' blog shouldn't cover. I'd read tons of IF blogs, been so inspired by them I thought it would not only do ME some good, but maybe do some good for others.
What an awesome, amazing decision that was. I have met and been connected to tons of people I never would have come across otherwise. My prayer life has been strengthened because of all the blogfriends I pray for on a regular basis. When times were really dark, this community has lifted me up and provided encouragement and strength. Yes, I have a similar real-life community with my church and good friends...but few that understood the inner depths and turmoil that IF can bring.
And while I celebrated blogland's pregnancies and adoption placements, I'll be honest--I was so very jealous and hurt and scared that I would be the last IF blog left. It's almost embarrassing when I think about it because while the 3 years we were TTC seemed incredibly long and painful to me, it's NOTHING compared to what others have been through. Our adoption match was unusually quick. I am so, so thankful for that. But I think that time is still very real to me, I'm very aware of how much it hurts, I won't nor do I want to ever forget that pain.
So, I'm stuck. I want to continue to blog, but I can't do that without bringing up Colt. We still have many things left before we are an official "forever family". Court dates, post-placement visits, contact with N, and the struggle between being so proud of our story yet not wanting Colt to feel like a second choice to biological children all still weigh on my mind and I have yet to face. I still wonder about certain IF things:
- Crazy cycles
- Should I be using birth control?
- What if I got pregnant? Is it wrong to never want to be pregnant?
- What if I never, ever get pregnant? Will I really be ok?
- When will we be ready to adopt again? Can I really ask for anything more than this perfect, precious gift we've been given?
- Will we EVER pay off the IF treatments and adoption expenses we've racked up?!
But I know how painful it is to watch an IF blog transition into Mommy Blog. I don't want to disrespect anyone still waiting, I don't want to flaunt my good fortune, but I still want to inspire hope. That's the only thing that got me through all this...the hope you all provided. So...do I continue writing on here, or say so long for now and ask you guys to follow me on my everyday blog (which is SEVERELY lacking in material, since the few thoughts I actually write out end up here!)? Maybe pick this up if and when we decide to adopt again.
I don't know...I'm stuck.
4 long years ago I started our family blog Anderson Happenings, which quickly turned into MY blog with John as a supporting player. It was mostly read by some family, a few friends, but never very many comments and that was fine. It was a nice outlet for me.
When we started TTC (trying to conceive), we didn't tell anyone for over a year, so I didn't spend much time talking about it on that blog. In fact, when I did finally open up about it, we were at the first of 2 RE's we would see and after several Clomid cycles which caused me to be slightly crazy. So this little blog of nothingness suddenly became very heavy and very personal and a little uncomfortable for those in my every day life (namely, men!).
I got the idea that I should start a specific blog for infertility struggles. There I could talk about periods and needles and ovulation and sperm counts and all the uncomfortable, slightly embarrassing things that a regular ol' blog shouldn't cover. I'd read tons of IF blogs, been so inspired by them I thought it would not only do ME some good, but maybe do some good for others.
What an awesome, amazing decision that was. I have met and been connected to tons of people I never would have come across otherwise. My prayer life has been strengthened because of all the blogfriends I pray for on a regular basis. When times were really dark, this community has lifted me up and provided encouragement and strength. Yes, I have a similar real-life community with my church and good friends...but few that understood the inner depths and turmoil that IF can bring.
And while I celebrated blogland's pregnancies and adoption placements, I'll be honest--I was so very jealous and hurt and scared that I would be the last IF blog left. It's almost embarrassing when I think about it because while the 3 years we were TTC seemed incredibly long and painful to me, it's NOTHING compared to what others have been through. Our adoption match was unusually quick. I am so, so thankful for that. But I think that time is still very real to me, I'm very aware of how much it hurts, I won't nor do I want to ever forget that pain.
So, I'm stuck. I want to continue to blog, but I can't do that without bringing up Colt. We still have many things left before we are an official "forever family". Court dates, post-placement visits, contact with N, and the struggle between being so proud of our story yet not wanting Colt to feel like a second choice to biological children all still weigh on my mind and I have yet to face. I still wonder about certain IF things:
- Crazy cycles
- Should I be using birth control?
- What if I got pregnant? Is it wrong to never want to be pregnant?
- What if I never, ever get pregnant? Will I really be ok?
- When will we be ready to adopt again? Can I really ask for anything more than this perfect, precious gift we've been given?
- Will we EVER pay off the IF treatments and adoption expenses we've racked up?!
But I know how painful it is to watch an IF blog transition into Mommy Blog. I don't want to disrespect anyone still waiting, I don't want to flaunt my good fortune, but I still want to inspire hope. That's the only thing that got me through all this...the hope you all provided. So...do I continue writing on here, or say so long for now and ask you guys to follow me on my everyday blog (which is SEVERELY lacking in material, since the few thoughts I actually write out end up here!)? Maybe pick this up if and when we decide to adopt again.
I don't know...I'm stuck.
Friday, March 6, 2009
Colt at 7 Weeks_The Photo Shoot!
So the week before I went back to work, I was so excited to have this amazing photographer, Kerri Tindle, come to our house and capture Colt in all his 7-week glory. It was so relaxing and fun. Unfortunately it did not occur to me that she might want to capture more than just Colt. Like, she might want to take FAMILY photos. So, John was at work (which is why he is not in the pictures) and I wore horizontal stripes. And didn't fix my hair. Or touch up my makeup. Thus the terrible, John-less pictures of mom and Colt!
There are about a million more amazing photos of Colt, including different pictures of his hands, feet, belly, butt, and all the little baby parts I don't want to forget! Here is a sampling of what came from the photo shoot.
If you're in Oklahoma or the Dallas/Denton area give Kerri and Freckle Face Photography some love! You won't be disappointed! I will warn you she has a baby due in the next little bit and is moving to the Denton area so she might be taking some time off. But when she's back-in-business...you won't find better!
Oh, also, Colt looks so different now! Just in 4 weeks he looks like a totally different, ginormous kid! He smiles all the time (except for the camera) and he's HUGE. For real. I really need to be better about posting pictures! Gosh, he's a beautiful kid. Baby Gap-ready, in my opinion!
There are about a million more amazing photos of Colt, including different pictures of his hands, feet, belly, butt, and all the little baby parts I don't want to forget! Here is a sampling of what came from the photo shoot.
If you're in Oklahoma or the Dallas/Denton area give Kerri and Freckle Face Photography some love! You won't be disappointed! I will warn you she has a baby due in the next little bit and is moving to the Denton area so she might be taking some time off. But when she's back-in-business...you won't find better!
Oh, also, Colt looks so different now! Just in 4 weeks he looks like a totally different, ginormous kid! He smiles all the time (except for the camera) and he's HUGE. For real. I really need to be better about posting pictures! Gosh, he's a beautiful kid. Baby Gap-ready, in my opinion!
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Thoughts of N
Monday morning, before the boys woke up I was at the airport and off for my first overnight trip. I went to Dallas and honestly I didn't have much time to even be sad because the meetings, oh the meetings, went on and on and when I finally crashed in the hotel I was so tired I was practically delirious.
I left the meeting a little early so I didn't have to wait for the late flight. I got home to see Colt and he greeted me with a HUGE smile and his new favorite thing to do: talk. He is making so many sounds now, and it's constant. For a while now we could tell he was trying hard to be able to laugh and talk and literally overnight (while I was away) he learned to do it. This morning on the way to school he was laughing and talking happily to something and it was better than my favorite morning radio show!
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I have found myself thinking a lot about N lately. Last time our caseworker, T, talked to her she wasn't doing very well and asked T to only call her once a month. T represented a very painful time, and she wanted to be able to move on. She is hurting, I know. I wish there was more I could do.
I especially thought about her after reading Rebekah's post about birthmothers who have not been part of an open adoption and that really hate the whole idea. I actually discovered the blogs of many people who felt that way several months ago. I remember first reading their entries and feeling stung, defensive, and guilty. But then I have to remember that each blog is someone's story. That is their story and their life and they have every right to be angry for how their children became someone else's. I've been thinking a lot about them and praying for them and really praying that somehow I can bring good to this experience.
I know, I really do, that placing your child for adoption (or someone doing it for you) is painful and life-altering. I, too, suffered a great loss as well - infertility can't be discounted. It is a loss, and while I didn't physically give birth or have that experience, I felt robbed. But out of this loss came great hope. I know I'll never be able to make it better or easier for N, that she will always wonder "what if", she will always hurt in ways I'll never be able to imagine...all I can do is offer hope that she has not lost her child. That we will always be here, always be ready to share our experience. She gave us the greatest gift we could ever receive, she gave us her trust. She chose us because she believed in us. The thought of one day not honoring that, not being there when she's ready is foreign to me. I didn't always believe this way until I met her...I could never deny her the peace that comes with just knowing. Knowing he's ok, knowing that he knows her, knowing that we love her, knowing that HE loves her.
Thank God we live in today's world. Where adoption is celebrated. Where OPEN adoption is accepted and not scary. Where two people who desperately want a family can have their greatest desires fulfilled because of the generosity of another. I can't imagine how painful it would be to keep adoption a secret from Colt. For me, for him, for N.
I can't be angry at the way those women feel or the views they express. That is their experience. They sacrificed, whether by choice or not, and it should never be forgotten. I can only hope that one day there is peace or that one day they will read something or see something or experience someone else's story and know that it can be ok. I can only pray for peace for them and the children they lost. I know the pain they feel will probably be life-long and it's unrealistic to think that they will ever feel differently. But I can always hope.
Sorry so serious, it just really hit me. Being a parent is scary and new and different every day. Every day I feel unsure about my next steps, but every day I am filled with joy and love to see this growing boy wake up and start his day with us. I am so overcome with gratitude that God blessed us in this manner; that N trusts us in this manner. Sometimes, the joy is almost more than I can bear.
I left the meeting a little early so I didn't have to wait for the late flight. I got home to see Colt and he greeted me with a HUGE smile and his new favorite thing to do: talk. He is making so many sounds now, and it's constant. For a while now we could tell he was trying hard to be able to laugh and talk and literally overnight (while I was away) he learned to do it. This morning on the way to school he was laughing and talking happily to something and it was better than my favorite morning radio show!
--------------------
I have found myself thinking a lot about N lately. Last time our caseworker, T, talked to her she wasn't doing very well and asked T to only call her once a month. T represented a very painful time, and she wanted to be able to move on. She is hurting, I know. I wish there was more I could do.
I especially thought about her after reading Rebekah's post about birthmothers who have not been part of an open adoption and that really hate the whole idea. I actually discovered the blogs of many people who felt that way several months ago. I remember first reading their entries and feeling stung, defensive, and guilty. But then I have to remember that each blog is someone's story. That is their story and their life and they have every right to be angry for how their children became someone else's. I've been thinking a lot about them and praying for them and really praying that somehow I can bring good to this experience.
I know, I really do, that placing your child for adoption (or someone doing it for you) is painful and life-altering. I, too, suffered a great loss as well - infertility can't be discounted. It is a loss, and while I didn't physically give birth or have that experience, I felt robbed. But out of this loss came great hope. I know I'll never be able to make it better or easier for N, that she will always wonder "what if", she will always hurt in ways I'll never be able to imagine...all I can do is offer hope that she has not lost her child. That we will always be here, always be ready to share our experience. She gave us the greatest gift we could ever receive, she gave us her trust. She chose us because she believed in us. The thought of one day not honoring that, not being there when she's ready is foreign to me. I didn't always believe this way until I met her...I could never deny her the peace that comes with just knowing. Knowing he's ok, knowing that he knows her, knowing that we love her, knowing that HE loves her.
Thank God we live in today's world. Where adoption is celebrated. Where OPEN adoption is accepted and not scary. Where two people who desperately want a family can have their greatest desires fulfilled because of the generosity of another. I can't imagine how painful it would be to keep adoption a secret from Colt. For me, for him, for N.
I can't be angry at the way those women feel or the views they express. That is their experience. They sacrificed, whether by choice or not, and it should never be forgotten. I can only hope that one day there is peace or that one day they will read something or see something or experience someone else's story and know that it can be ok. I can only pray for peace for them and the children they lost. I know the pain they feel will probably be life-long and it's unrealistic to think that they will ever feel differently. But I can always hope.
Sorry so serious, it just really hit me. Being a parent is scary and new and different every day. Every day I feel unsure about my next steps, but every day I am filled with joy and love to see this growing boy wake up and start his day with us. I am so overcome with gratitude that God blessed us in this manner; that N trusts us in this manner. Sometimes, the joy is almost more than I can bear.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Because you want to see the baby
I know, my other 2 ramblings from today aren't nearly as interesting as BABY PICS...yum, yum, yum! Colt is extremely smiley these days, but the minute he sees the camera he clams up! I swear I'm not making it up...he smiles and laughs all the time. The first pic below is the closest I've come to capturing it on film.
He is getting close to officially being in 3-6 month clothes. He's up to 6 oz at his feedings. He is quickly graduating to size 2 diapers (that's what his teacher told me today!). He's a growing boy at 10 weeks!
We broke out his Play Gym the other day and he loves it. He especially loves his star friend that lights up and plays music. He squeals when it comes on. When we first broke it out, Faith was certain this was her new toy. She has since taken to the plastic covering for the Play Gym and claimed it as her own.
There is a photo on here from our time in the closet during the tornadoes.
And a family photo minus Mom who is usually behind the camera!
Finally, Colt has taken to loving those little stuffed animals that have the blankets attached. He loves the soft fuzzy on one side, the satin on the other. He holds it and doesn't let go!
He is getting close to officially being in 3-6 month clothes. He's up to 6 oz at his feedings. He is quickly graduating to size 2 diapers (that's what his teacher told me today!). He's a growing boy at 10 weeks!
We broke out his Play Gym the other day and he loves it. He especially loves his star friend that lights up and plays music. He squeals when it comes on. When we first broke it out, Faith was certain this was her new toy. She has since taken to the plastic covering for the Play Gym and claimed it as her own.
There is a photo on here from our time in the closet during the tornadoes.
And a family photo minus Mom who is usually behind the camera!
Finally, Colt has taken to loving those little stuffed animals that have the blankets attached. He loves the soft fuzzy on one side, the satin on the other. He holds it and doesn't let go!
He should be walking any day now!
We took Colt to see an orthopedic specialist today, about the click in his right hip that our pediatrician noticed the last few check-ups. We were assured by Dr. C that it was probably nothing, but in the rare instance it was something we'd want to treat it now.
So we went to the orthopedic guy today. Sigh...I HATE when specialists ask you to come in 15 minutes before your scheduled appointment for paperwork and then don't take you back until 30 minutes or so AFTER your scheduled appointments. So you've been hanging with a hungry baby with a dirty diaper for 45 minutes to an hour and it's just ridiculous. At least when we got back there, the doctor was right in, the X-rays were done in seconds and we had our opinion seconds after that.
He's fine! Everything appears to be normal. We'll check again at 6 months to make sure everything continues to develop normally, but no worries! And we can stop double-diapering. Good news, although I rather appreciate having two diapers for those bad blowouts and at night when he sleeps for such a long time.
Which brings me to another subject I've hesitated to admit out loud. Colt is sleeping very well at night. Yikes, I'm knocking on every piece of fake wood I have in this office. But he is doing very well. He has been done with the middle-of-the-night feeding for weeks now. Sometimes he'll take one last feeding at 11:00 or so, but sometimes he falls asleep when we swaddle him at 9:00 and sleeps right through until I wake him around 7:00 a.m.
I know this won't always be the case, but it has been very nice. The timing of his all-nighters and starting daycare has not been overlooked. I like to think of it as a plus to the negative of not being with him all day!
So we went to the orthopedic guy today. Sigh...I HATE when specialists ask you to come in 15 minutes before your scheduled appointment for paperwork and then don't take you back until 30 minutes or so AFTER your scheduled appointments. So you've been hanging with a hungry baby with a dirty diaper for 45 minutes to an hour and it's just ridiculous. At least when we got back there, the doctor was right in, the X-rays were done in seconds and we had our opinion seconds after that.
He's fine! Everything appears to be normal. We'll check again at 6 months to make sure everything continues to develop normally, but no worries! And we can stop double-diapering. Good news, although I rather appreciate having two diapers for those bad blowouts and at night when he sleeps for such a long time.
Which brings me to another subject I've hesitated to admit out loud. Colt is sleeping very well at night. Yikes, I'm knocking on every piece of fake wood I have in this office. But he is doing very well. He has been done with the middle-of-the-night feeding for weeks now. Sometimes he'll take one last feeding at 11:00 or so, but sometimes he falls asleep when we swaddle him at 9:00 and sleeps right through until I wake him around 7:00 a.m.
I know this won't always be the case, but it has been very nice. The timing of his all-nighters and starting daycare has not been overlooked. I like to think of it as a plus to the negative of not being with him all day!
Honest Scrap
Many moons ago I was nominated by Alison for an Honest Scrap Award. Like Alison, I don't know what it means but YAY! Someone likes me! So I decided to participate because, well, why not? She nominated me! Alison is ready for Baby B to come, and I'm so excited that it will happen literally any day. I found her blog a long time ago and since then, we've become great online friends through Facebook and Twitter and, of course, blogging. One of these days we're actually going to meet...maybe for an OU vs. Nebraska football game because she is as big a fan of Big 12 football as I am!
The rules for Honest Scrap are:
1) Choose a minimum of 7 blogs that you find brilliant in content or design.
2) Show the 7 winners names and links on your blog, and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with “Honest Scrap.”
3) List at least 10 honest things about yourself
7 Blogs I love (that haven't done this meme yet):
1. Emily - Holla!
2. Brooke - Because she's one of my longest IRL friends and claims she's back to blogging! And because she sends me really nice Facebook messages.
3. Liz - Because she's one of the funniest people in the world and may very well be Colt's mother-in-law one day.
4. Holly - Because she'll have TONS of time to do this with 2-week-old Charlotte in tow from her condo on the beach (I know she'd rather be back home, thought)!
5. Sky Baby, Earth Boy - Because for some reason I can't comment on her site and she wrote this post the other day about how the economy and mortgage crisis affected her family and it's stayed with me since I read it. So honest, open, and impactful. Hopefully she still reads this blog and will see that I tried to comment!
6. Lori - Because I'm always hoping for her.
7. KLTTX - Because she always comments, is my friend on Facebook, and has some really cute kids!
8. Hope548 - Because she always says it just like I'm thinking it, just like Bri, who was nominated several times!
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10 Honest Things:
1. I have decided to give up one of my most beloved obsessions for Lent. I'm not Catholic, but it just makes good sense to spend that time thinking about all my blessings, praying for others, and thanking God for this crazy roller coaster called my life. I'm not sure I'm ready to reveal what I'm giving up, for fear I won't stick with it. But it is a pretty big deal for me. Some people know already, so I hope it's just encouragement and not pointing fingers if I fail. And no, it's not television. Who gives up TV during "Lost" season?!
2. I attend a church of Christ in Oklahoma. I was raised in a church of Christ and I really feel good about the things we believe and feel like I made the right decision to continue attending one as I grew up. That being said, it can be kind of boring and I often wish I was Catholic or something. I like the idea of having rituals and certain prayers and christenings and first communions and Christmas Eve mass, etc. I don't know, it's not that I want to change churches or anything, sometimes I just wish we at the CofC made bigger deals out of certain occasions, or had some kinds of rituals. It's just interesting to me, I guess. Maybe that's why I like Lent...I can participate without actually being Catholic.
3. I was in show choir in high school, which is a constant source of good memories and of embarrassment for me. I made the mistake of telling my husband that my sophomore year we were an all girls show choir (not enough boys wanted to participate...why, I don't know) and we had one song where we danced with life-sized dolls. They were Dracula stuffed dolls, and we pulled their capes off. They strapped to our feet and we danced with them to "Steppin' Out With My Baby". True story. I'm being honest. And plus, practically all of Oklahoma knows since one of the girls that was in show choir with me is a radio DJ and has talked about it on-air with me.
4. I'm in PR. Sometimes it drives me crazy and I just want to quit. But at the end of the day, I like my job and I love my company. And I really love my client right now because they are one of the only companies that are actually flourishing in this economy. Not that the job is ever really secure, but I am blessed to work on the account that I do.
5. I hate to cook. Hate it. It seems like such a waste of time to me. Plus my husband is a VERY picky eater. I am, too. But he's REALLY picky. Despite all that, I have every kind of cooking contraption you would need to make a good meal: quesadilla maker, pizza pan, strawberry corer, egg slicer, and countless beautiful serving dish. At this point, we eat off paper plates and plastic utensils. Because the only thing I hate as much as cooking is cleaning up after cooking.
6. My favorite laptop bag was actually kind of stolen. Well, not really. I bought it at my favorite red-and-white themed discount mega-store. It was in a pile of many other things I bought and I didn't realize until I got out of the store and in the car that they didn't ring the bag up with everything else. It was $29.99 and every day that I carry it, I still feel kind of guilty that I didn't go back and pay for it.
7. My first love will always be Mark-Paul Gosselaar. I would probably even put him over Brad Pitt. Because "Zack Morris" and I have spent a lot of time together, and I feel like he could really "get" me.
8. I used to be able to quote the entire movie of "Clueless". To this day, when I hear the first note of the opening theme song I can tell what movie it is. And I can quote the opening monologue..."so you're probably thinking, is this like a Noxema commercial or what?".
9. My mom and I have 54 friends in common on Facebook. What does that say about us?
10. John and I broke up several times before finally getting together. And I'm really glad it happened like that. We got together for the final time after he IM'd me (oh, how I miss AOL IM!) and I knew from the second he popped up that I was in love with him. I can still remember most of the details from that night as we watched the Diamondbacks win the World Series while talking on the phone. It didn't take long to get engaged, because we both said "if we're going to do this AGAIN, then this is it. We're in it for the long haul." And we were. Still are. Thank the Lord in heaven he IM'd me that night and gave me yet another chance. He's always been smarter than me about the future!
The rules for Honest Scrap are:
1) Choose a minimum of 7 blogs that you find brilliant in content or design.
2) Show the 7 winners names and links on your blog, and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with “Honest Scrap.”
3) List at least 10 honest things about yourself
7 Blogs I love (that haven't done this meme yet):
1. Emily - Holla!
2. Brooke - Because she's one of my longest IRL friends and claims she's back to blogging! And because she sends me really nice Facebook messages.
3. Liz - Because she's one of the funniest people in the world and may very well be Colt's mother-in-law one day.
4. Holly - Because she'll have TONS of time to do this with 2-week-old Charlotte in tow from her condo on the beach (I know she'd rather be back home, thought)!
5. Sky Baby, Earth Boy - Because for some reason I can't comment on her site and she wrote this post the other day about how the economy and mortgage crisis affected her family and it's stayed with me since I read it. So honest, open, and impactful. Hopefully she still reads this blog and will see that I tried to comment!
6. Lori - Because I'm always hoping for her.
7. KLTTX - Because she always comments, is my friend on Facebook, and has some really cute kids!
8. Hope548 - Because she always says it just like I'm thinking it, just like Bri, who was nominated several times!
Wow...I could nominate like a million more. Hopefully you guys have noticed that I've updated my links list. I think I've included everyone who has commented! I have everyone on my Bloglines and I read your stories every day. I'm still working on commenting, but I'm getting there! If I left you off, just comment so I can follow you and get you linked as well.
If you're on Facebook, friend me!
Thank you to everyone for tuning into my boring life, giving encouragement, commiserating with me, celebrating with me, and loving our little boy.
-------------------------
10 Honest Things:
1. I have decided to give up one of my most beloved obsessions for Lent. I'm not Catholic, but it just makes good sense to spend that time thinking about all my blessings, praying for others, and thanking God for this crazy roller coaster called my life. I'm not sure I'm ready to reveal what I'm giving up, for fear I won't stick with it. But it is a pretty big deal for me. Some people know already, so I hope it's just encouragement and not pointing fingers if I fail. And no, it's not television. Who gives up TV during "Lost" season?!
2. I attend a church of Christ in Oklahoma. I was raised in a church of Christ and I really feel good about the things we believe and feel like I made the right decision to continue attending one as I grew up. That being said, it can be kind of boring and I often wish I was Catholic or something. I like the idea of having rituals and certain prayers and christenings and first communions and Christmas Eve mass, etc. I don't know, it's not that I want to change churches or anything, sometimes I just wish we at the CofC made bigger deals out of certain occasions, or had some kinds of rituals. It's just interesting to me, I guess. Maybe that's why I like Lent...I can participate without actually being Catholic.
3. I was in show choir in high school, which is a constant source of good memories and of embarrassment for me. I made the mistake of telling my husband that my sophomore year we were an all girls show choir (not enough boys wanted to participate...why, I don't know) and we had one song where we danced with life-sized dolls. They were Dracula stuffed dolls, and we pulled their capes off. They strapped to our feet and we danced with them to "Steppin' Out With My Baby". True story. I'm being honest. And plus, practically all of Oklahoma knows since one of the girls that was in show choir with me is a radio DJ and has talked about it on-air with me.
4. I'm in PR. Sometimes it drives me crazy and I just want to quit. But at the end of the day, I like my job and I love my company. And I really love my client right now because they are one of the only companies that are actually flourishing in this economy. Not that the job is ever really secure, but I am blessed to work on the account that I do.
5. I hate to cook. Hate it. It seems like such a waste of time to me. Plus my husband is a VERY picky eater. I am, too. But he's REALLY picky. Despite all that, I have every kind of cooking contraption you would need to make a good meal: quesadilla maker, pizza pan, strawberry corer, egg slicer, and countless beautiful serving dish. At this point, we eat off paper plates and plastic utensils. Because the only thing I hate as much as cooking is cleaning up after cooking.
6. My favorite laptop bag was actually kind of stolen. Well, not really. I bought it at my favorite red-and-white themed discount mega-store. It was in a pile of many other things I bought and I didn't realize until I got out of the store and in the car that they didn't ring the bag up with everything else. It was $29.99 and every day that I carry it, I still feel kind of guilty that I didn't go back and pay for it.
7. My first love will always be Mark-Paul Gosselaar. I would probably even put him over Brad Pitt. Because "Zack Morris" and I have spent a lot of time together, and I feel like he could really "get" me.
8. I used to be able to quote the entire movie of "Clueless". To this day, when I hear the first note of the opening theme song I can tell what movie it is. And I can quote the opening monologue..."so you're probably thinking, is this like a Noxema commercial or what?".
9. My mom and I have 54 friends in common on Facebook. What does that say about us?
10. John and I broke up several times before finally getting together. And I'm really glad it happened like that. We got together for the final time after he IM'd me (oh, how I miss AOL IM!) and I knew from the second he popped up that I was in love with him. I can still remember most of the details from that night as we watched the Diamondbacks win the World Series while talking on the phone. It didn't take long to get engaged, because we both said "if we're going to do this AGAIN, then this is it. We're in it for the long haul." And we were. Still are. Thank the Lord in heaven he IM'd me that night and gave me yet another chance. He's always been smarter than me about the future!
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Sunday Inspiration
Seems like these days I'm finding something every Sunday that brings tears to my eyes or inspires me at church. It should be that way all the time, but I'll be honest some weeks are better than others.
Today we had a great sermon, great Bible class but what really got me was singing one of my favorite hymns at church. Since I was little this has been one of my favorites. It's called Because He Lives.
The second verse says this:
"How sweet to hold a newborn baby
And feel the pride and joy he gives.
But greater still the calm assurance
This child can face uncertain days because He lives."
Then the chorus...
"Because He lives, I can face tomorrow.
Because He lives, all fear is gone.
Because I know He holds the future,
And life is worth the living, just because He lives."
It's such a beautiful song, and has helped me get through a lot of dark days and uncertain nights the last few years. I know what we've gone through with infertility pales in comparison to the struggles many people are facing but it was still so difficult to get through. So many questions, wondering what the future would hold. I imagine that this song has given a lot of people hope during dark times.
And now I'll stop because I get choked up just thinking about it. But it's yet another inspiration to me!
Today we had a great sermon, great Bible class but what really got me was singing one of my favorite hymns at church. Since I was little this has been one of my favorites. It's called Because He Lives.
The second verse says this:
"How sweet to hold a newborn baby
And feel the pride and joy he gives.
But greater still the calm assurance
This child can face uncertain days because He lives."
Then the chorus...
"Because He lives, I can face tomorrow.
Because He lives, all fear is gone.
Because I know He holds the future,
And life is worth the living, just because He lives."
It's such a beautiful song, and has helped me get through a lot of dark days and uncertain nights the last few years. I know what we've gone through with infertility pales in comparison to the struggles many people are facing but it was still so difficult to get through. So many questions, wondering what the future would hold. I imagine that this song has given a lot of people hope during dark times.
And now I'll stop because I get choked up just thinking about it. But it's yet another inspiration to me!
First Trip to the ER
Sorry it's been a few days. Hectic at work and when I'm home...well, you know what I'd rather be doing than blogging!
Anyway...I forgot to add one important part to my daycare post. The BEST part of my day is coming home. Colt is in such a smiley mood these days and when I come through the door, he sees me and lights up. Literally lights up. If I wasn't working, I might STILL take him to daycare just to get that look everyday. It's almost as good as his look in the mornings when I go to wake him up and he's fuzzy and adjusting to the light, then sees me and starts laughing. OOOOOooooo!! Goosebumps just thinking about it.
---------------------
So, I mentioned that Colt got his 2-months shots the Tuesday before he started daycare on Wednesday. That ended up being fine. He was in a great mood until they stuck him and he started screaming (as would I) but stopped fairly quickly and spent the rest of the day in a great mood. The nurses are so good at going fast, it's over before you know it.
So, after the shots, then school for 3 days (adjusting to the noise, other babies, new people, and being away from me), then John and I spent Valentine's evening with friends at dinner and a movie and Colt stayed with his Mimi and Papa. That is a lot for anyone, even an adult, to get used to.
Sunday morning I could tell he wasn't right. There was a bad diaper that threw us off and we weren't expecting the mess so we skipped church. He was fussy all day. Very lethargic and fussy and not himself at all. I held him almost the entire day and he still didn't feel right.
After a bath that evening we met friends for coffee and he seemed to be feeling better. I went to bed around 10:00 and John was ready to give him his last feeding.
Around midnight I remember hearing John on the phone. The reason I remember this is because he kept saying the word "rectal" and who can forget that?! A few moments later John woke me up to say Colt had a temp of 101-point-something and we needed to go the the ER.
If babies under 3 months have a temp that high it is usually bad news. One of my best friends just happens to be a pediatrician, doing residency at Children's Hospital in OKC. So we bypassed our normal on-call nurse for the pediatrician and called her and luckily she was on-call.
We headed to the hospital and by the time we got there and checked in, his temp was 103. Which meant that he not only needed blood taken, but also a catheter to collect urine sample and...a spinal tap. He had a rash over most his body and combine that with a high temp and there was a chance it could be meningitis.
This whole time I remained remarkably calm and composed. I credit most of it to having 100% trust in Laura as our doctor (it helps when the doctor cares as much and has as much interest in the child as you do) but part of it I know was because I wasn't all there. I have this new migraine medicine that makes me sleepy. I can function (hear Colt if he wakes, etc) but it makes me kind of fuzzy. And so I'm convinced I was that calm because the gravity of the situation hadn't hit me!
I stayed in the room for every poke, the catheter, the IV stick, the spinal tap, and even when the IV came out of the vein and begin leaking fluid into his arm. They had to re-stick him and that's when he screamed that loudest. I've had that happen before and I remember how painful it was!
In the end, he got some IV antibiotics and fluids and we went home around 4:30 a.m. Obviously I didn't go to work the next day and we went to our regular pediatrician. They gave him another shot of antibiotics and he was as good as new.
His labs came back, all was normal. So it was probably just a virus. But I think it was his body just being overwhelmed and worn out!
I'm so, so, so thankful that Laura is my friend and took such good care of us. It's nice to know anytime we have issues and questions we can call her. I don't mind asking "stupid" first-time parent questions because...well, she's always been smarter than me and is used to it!
So...first trip to the ER is over and done with. Having a little boy, I imagine we'll be back for various injuries over the years, but hopefully nothing too serious!
Anyway...I forgot to add one important part to my daycare post. The BEST part of my day is coming home. Colt is in such a smiley mood these days and when I come through the door, he sees me and lights up. Literally lights up. If I wasn't working, I might STILL take him to daycare just to get that look everyday. It's almost as good as his look in the mornings when I go to wake him up and he's fuzzy and adjusting to the light, then sees me and starts laughing. OOOOOooooo!! Goosebumps just thinking about it.
---------------------
So, I mentioned that Colt got his 2-months shots the Tuesday before he started daycare on Wednesday. That ended up being fine. He was in a great mood until they stuck him and he started screaming (as would I) but stopped fairly quickly and spent the rest of the day in a great mood. The nurses are so good at going fast, it's over before you know it.
So, after the shots, then school for 3 days (adjusting to the noise, other babies, new people, and being away from me), then John and I spent Valentine's evening with friends at dinner and a movie and Colt stayed with his Mimi and Papa. That is a lot for anyone, even an adult, to get used to.
Sunday morning I could tell he wasn't right. There was a bad diaper that threw us off and we weren't expecting the mess so we skipped church. He was fussy all day. Very lethargic and fussy and not himself at all. I held him almost the entire day and he still didn't feel right.
After a bath that evening we met friends for coffee and he seemed to be feeling better. I went to bed around 10:00 and John was ready to give him his last feeding.
Around midnight I remember hearing John on the phone. The reason I remember this is because he kept saying the word "rectal" and who can forget that?! A few moments later John woke me up to say Colt had a temp of 101-point-something and we needed to go the the ER.
If babies under 3 months have a temp that high it is usually bad news. One of my best friends just happens to be a pediatrician, doing residency at Children's Hospital in OKC. So we bypassed our normal on-call nurse for the pediatrician and called her and luckily she was on-call.
We headed to the hospital and by the time we got there and checked in, his temp was 103. Which meant that he not only needed blood taken, but also a catheter to collect urine sample and...a spinal tap. He had a rash over most his body and combine that with a high temp and there was a chance it could be meningitis.
This whole time I remained remarkably calm and composed. I credit most of it to having 100% trust in Laura as our doctor (it helps when the doctor cares as much and has as much interest in the child as you do) but part of it I know was because I wasn't all there. I have this new migraine medicine that makes me sleepy. I can function (hear Colt if he wakes, etc) but it makes me kind of fuzzy. And so I'm convinced I was that calm because the gravity of the situation hadn't hit me!
I stayed in the room for every poke, the catheter, the IV stick, the spinal tap, and even when the IV came out of the vein and begin leaking fluid into his arm. They had to re-stick him and that's when he screamed that loudest. I've had that happen before and I remember how painful it was!
In the end, he got some IV antibiotics and fluids and we went home around 4:30 a.m. Obviously I didn't go to work the next day and we went to our regular pediatrician. They gave him another shot of antibiotics and he was as good as new.
His labs came back, all was normal. So it was probably just a virus. But I think it was his body just being overwhelmed and worn out!
I'm so, so, so thankful that Laura is my friend and took such good care of us. It's nice to know anytime we have issues and questions we can call her. I don't mind asking "stupid" first-time parent questions because...well, she's always been smarter than me and is used to it!
So...first trip to the ER is over and done with. Having a little boy, I imagine we'll be back for various injuries over the years, but hopefully nothing too serious!
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