It is the last day of Ryan’s run across Arizona. We stayed in a hotel in Laughlin Nevada, just over the state line where he will finish this evening. He has 35 miles to go today.
I have thoughts about Integrity and Compassion.
Ryan’s route went from east to west in a pretty straight line along I-40. As things progressed we noticed that there were unavoidable stretches of the route that went north or south or even backtracking east (heaven forbid) which was pretty discouraging for him to do as it was effort in the wrong direction. As we mapped out the route every couple of hours and talked about it I would point those stretches out and offer him a ride from one point to the other so he didn’t have to do them. Most of the time he shook off my suggestion but I can think of a handful of times when he allowed me to deliver him to his onward track. He was completely focused on doing what he set out to do on his own. He was committed to doing this endeavor and he was going to do it with integrity, every single step. I admire that and love that about him. It does occasionally feel exhausting that there are no corners that are to be cut though.
Yesterday there was a 2.6 mile stretch that went north by northwest in a pretty straight line. I was trying to do geometry calculations in my head about how much of that hypotenuse was westward progress and working up the nerve to offer him a ride for part of it but he was having none of it even after running about 28 miles so far that day. Stinker. But as I sat in the truck on that lonely dirt road waiting for him to come and see if he needed any sustenance it was so beautiful and peaceful and I was talking to our kids on the phone and enjoying the fresh air when a herd of cows ran by about 15 yards east of the truck, I was too slow to get pictures or video but shortly after, Ryan came jogging up saying he’d started a stampede. There were maybe 8 cows and they were just jogging so it was fine, now cows were injured or stressed, they probably enjoyed stretching their legs. It was such a fun, unexpected moment that I got to share with the kids and I would have missed it if I’d had my way and we’d gone bumping along part of the way in the truck. I’m thankful for his integrity and his commitment to “What ‘er thou art, act well thy part.”
My friends and family will back me up on this; I was not at all excited about this adventure. He proposed this event about a year and a half ago and wanted it to take place in October over Jeffy week last year. Once I grasped the enormity of the project and we talked about ways to accomplish it I became more and more dismayed and terrified. I mean, honestly, it’s a lot. I was scared of him being injured or killed, I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to support him well, I was worried about the time away from home and his business. Just a lot of fear and worry and I expressed it eloquently and often. I was fully in tears days before we left. But he was steadfast and immoveable, a Living Stone, you might say. So off we went come heck or high water.
Here’s generally what we did all along the route, he would get set with his running vest over his shirt which had little pockets for two water bladders, one was filled with plain water and the other with electrolytes and a few little places to carry snacks and rice krispy treats (thank you Amanda). Over that he wore his trusty green reflective vest which I loved seeing off in the distance behind me. Over that he strapped his tracking device that relayed his location to the icandohardthings.com website. He made sure his running shoes were the pair he wanted and he wore whatever head covering was called for in the weather and temperature we were currently experiencing. He also wore pants or shorts, this isn’t that kind of show guys. But I digress, he would get himself all set and then he would set off along the route which we mapped out while he was with me and we would plan where we would meet next. Sometimes he was inaccessible to me due to the ruggedness of the track he was on or it was just not a road at all so we would just pick the next accessible spot and agree to meet there. Sometimes I got to drive along the road with him and if it was not a busy road I would just drive a few miles ahead and pull to the side and wait for him to catch up and give him a nice big cup of eggnog or whole chocolate milk or apple juice and whatever he wanted to eat. Over and over again. I loved seeing him in my rear view mirror and I would often glance over and see him getting closer but he still managed to shock and surprise me by leaping in the truck. Seriously, I screamed a couple of times. So silly. Remember that scene in Monty Python and the Holy Grail when he was attacking the castle and doing the same bit of running over and over again until he leapt on the castle guard unexpectedly? Yes, that was us.
I’m still digressing. So everytime he would appear I would try to anticipate what he would want and need and I was often good at it. He doesn’t like to communicate very much and he was working incredibly hard and his body was in distress and he was kind of zoned out mentally so I would need to hold things out to him or just have things near him for him to take otherwise he didn’t think he wanted them. He certainly didn’t want to have to think about what he wanted and take the effort to ask for it. Anyways, I was trying very hard to help him get what he needed even though he didn’t know he needed it. I thought about how I was the closest person to him and had been “with” him through all he had done but I had no idea how he was really feeling. I could try to imagine and anticipate but I really had no idea. I thought about the people around me and about what everyone is enduring internally and externally and how impossible it is to understand even for those closest to them but trying to understand is worthwhile. Of course our Savior Jesus Christ knows and understands everything we are going through down to the tiny ache in the top of our foot and the annoying bug bite we got.
I also thought about how I might have been annoyed with my sweetheart for being such a handful for me. It was a lot of work to track him down and keep him on a safe path and keep him nourished. I could have gone straight to, ‘well, you got yourself into this mess, why is it my job to do all this crazy stuff when you could just jump in the car and we could drive home. I mean, honestly, it is raining!’ I never actually thought that though because I’m super supportive and awesome. But I did think about how blaming people for the messes they’ve gotten into and withholding help from them based on their decisions imposing difficulties on you isn’t a helpful way to exist or have relationships. I’ve thought a lot about motivations, what am I motivated by and why? I love this guy of mine. I love him a lot and I want to be the one he can turn to when he needs something and for him to know that I’ll be there without judgement or condemnation because I sure don’t want judgement or condemnation when I’ve gotten myself into a pickle.
Once I have thought myself past the fear and worry and anger I get to be in peace and contentment. I had so many pleasant and peaceful times on this adventure. Of just looking at the beautiful world we live in and being thankful for it and finding joy in this wacky journey. I found extra depths of love and admiration for my strong and stubborn husband and the effort and hard work he puts into everything.
I thought it would be hard for me to do this, to give all this service and work for a cause I didn’t sign up for or want to do at all. Especially during Jeffy week when my heart wants to be protected and I can sit in my mourning and grief a bit. But Ryan was right. This was better for me.
One quick thing more about clouds. The early part of this adventure was stormy and cloudy and rainy which was not bad, it was the wind that was a problem. But the past few days have been mostly blue skies which gets wearing with the blinding sunshine. Yesterday when it was heating up in Kingman the clouds rolled in to cool things off and give some relief. The clouds always appeared when we needed them. Today it’s the last day and very blue skies but Ryan is going on his last mountain pass and its a warm 80 degrees and I’m seeing a nice bank of clouds go over us and sweep shade across the road and I’m hoping it gives him some shade and relief as this comes to a close and he needs some comfort from above.
