I get it, thanks.

Over the summer Toni came down and we had caramel apples at Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory.  I'm in love with those apples.  Anyway, at some point that day Toni said she'd just wait for the picture I sent because she knew I'd go home and make some myself.  That day has come.

AND NOW, THE POINT OF THIS POST:

Things I have been told in the past 48 hours:

• "wow, Ms. Cook, you sure bake a lot of cookies."
• "instead of asking you how your day was, I'm just going to start asking what you baked today..."
• "no, don't you go betty crocker on me"
• "you don't have to eat your problems, kels"
• person 1: "who made these?" person 2: "who do you think?"
• "of course, your day wouldn't be complete without some sort of dessert"
• "well aren't you just a little suzie homemaker!"

ALRIGHT I GET IT, FRIENDS! No, those were not all from the same person, apparently my obsession is visible to everyone in my life. 

This is a conversation I've had on EVERY date I've been on....

Him: So, what do you like to do?

Me: Mmm...I really like to cook.

Him: Oh really?  What's your favorite thing to cook?

EVERY. SINGLE. DATE.  

I'm starting to feel like I need to broaden my horizons.  Well let's be fair here, I do other stuff.  I just like cooking better.  Yes, I do hit the gym most days.  I sometimes throw in an extra mile so I can have 2 cookies instead of just 1.  What else do I like.....I like watching my shows, I like taking hikes, I love looking at the autumn leaves, I like playing with my nephews, I like trying new restaurants, I like stuff.  And yes, I do know that that list sounds like your typical life of a 40 year old single lady, and yes it is awkward when I try to pretend I like 22 year old things.

When Katelin says it's time to put on a Halloween costume and go to a party at midnight, I say it's time for bed.  When someone says let's go to ward prayer I say let's bake something instead.  When we're at dinner at 9:30 and someone says "what should we do now....maybe we should go put on all denim and go bowling..."  all I can say is "why?" 

Life is different when you get married.  And so coming back to singlehood can be awkward.  

Sometimes I feel like I'm 40 instead of 22.  That's all I'm sayin.

TRY and tell me I'm not a genius.

Today is COOKIE DAY in foods.  My students made the original tollhouse chocolate chip cookie recipe. 

Because it's my favorite. 

And we had a class contest. 

Every kitchen (we have 8) must bring up their BEST cookie for judging.  The winning kitchen gets......I don't know yet. 

What I do know is I have 8 warm, delicious chocolate chip cookies which I will now scarf like there's no tomorrow judge based on color, texture, and taaaaaste.

It's a tough job I have, but I'll just have to deal with it today.

Genius.

Don't Judge Me By My Camera Phone.

Happy Fall Break!  The mountains are just amazing right now.  I love my drive home because I get to go over Suncrest and just be in awe of the leaves.  Oh I love it.  Here, have a sample (no, these ones didn't come from my camera phone):

I live here! Can you believe it?! I just think it's awesome.  It just makes me want to bake up all the fall food I can handle.  (Raise your hand if I just surprised you......no one?  You know me too well)

Here's what today brought.  And no, you may not judge my camera phone shots.  We can't all be amateur photographers.

Chocolate covered Oreo bats

Cinnamon Bagel Poppers with Pumpkin Cream Cheese and Caramel Apple Cider.  

Yeah.  That's what I said.

I know the pictures look a little washed out, but lest you assume the same for the taste, lets just say it tasted like the most perfect, beautiful autumn day in my mouth.  

And that's what today was.  Now I can die happy.
Good thing because I have to go grade papers now and I truly think it might kill me. 

Crap, I've Been Motivated

You all know I'm not a runner.  But I kind of have a teeny tiny crush on the feeling I have after I run.  Accomplishment.  Capability.  Strength. 

One of my friends ran a marathon this morning.  Another friend is running a half in a few weeks.  I've never really understood the point in running....and I'm not sure I totally get it still but I think I want to.  It's all about showing myself that I CAN.  And we all know how I'm in to that lately, don't we friends? 

The longest I've EVER run is 4 miles.  I'll admit that.  Maybe a little room for improvement, I know.  So if I feel accomplishment after just 4, imagine how I'd feel after 13!!!! 

Yeah, I think I need to put "do a half marathon" on my bucket list.

Kelsey Jumps

I'm going to share something on the personal side.  This is an excerpt from my journal entry on the day I filed for divorce. I guess as a preface I should tell you this.  For weeks before I filed, people would ask me how I was doing, and the only way I could describe it would be to say that I had that same feeling people get before they go skydiving.  I had made my decision, I knew it was going to happen, but it's like I would look out the window, see how high up I was, and then proceed to hyperventilate.  So anyway, here's what I wrote that morning...

"I feel like I'm sort of headed into unchartered waters.  I have my goal (happiness and progression) and I know I have the best guide to get me where I need to be.  I'm sitting here at the temple, feeling like I'm waiting to jump out of a plane.  Parachute is strapped on.  Guide saying, "ready?  Just say the word!" I'm going to do it.  I mean, skydiving is terrifying- it stresses out the mind and body and spirit.  But then you jump and it's freeing.  It gives you an experience different from anything you've ever known.  And then you realize the fear that came with the jump only made the result that much sweeter."

"Holy cow I'm going to be okay!  I CAN do this and I CAN start my life.  I can free myself from a halted state and I can go progress with the Lord. 

Inhale.

Exhale.

I also have a new desire to go skydiving.  The literal kind, not just metaphorically."

So, when I sold my wedding dress a few weeks ago, I knew what I needed to do.  Jump out of a plane.  Enjoy the slide show. 

So there you have it!  I jumped out of a plane.  At 13,000 feet above the ground.  I was in free fall for almost two miles.  Higher than cities, above the mountains and the clouds. I literally was flying.  And some side notes:

1. If you choose to go skydiving, take your motion sickness pills.  I was sick for a good 5 hours after my jump and was incredibly mad because it was killing the symbolism of it.  I was supposed to come off the jump like a new tough woman, and I had to go home and go straight to bed.  How lame.
2. Let's parallel that with my real life situation.  Yes, I think a little (ok, huge) part of me hoped that once the divorce was final, that was it.  I'm new, life is new, that was that, now I'm tough and healed and life is perfect.  Eh, not so, my friends.  While I am grateful for this new opportunity, it did not grant me a magic golden ticket that healed all my everything.  It's still a process.
3. I only wish the camera guy had spent less time filming me, and more time filming my dad.  THAT was the real show.  If you've ever seen his zipline video, you know what I mean.  If you haven't, just trust me.  You will never see Dad jump out of a plane.  He almost peed his pants when he saw how high up I was jumping from. 
4. A few daring friends offered to jump with me.  I declined the offers because I just felt like I had to do this alone.  I brought my story full circle.  I sure did.
5. One of my friends told me to leave my shell (all the crap tied to the divorce) on the plane.  Aunt Mel told me to scream out everything I had left in me on the way down.  It's like a purging of emotions.  A deep, cleansing breath.

So....that's it!  I did it!  I've been telling myself lately that I'm done missing opportunities.  I find that I often wait just long enough to talk myself out of doing things.  NO MORE. Take the opportunities you're given, Kels.  Jump out of the plane.

Oh hey

Hiiiiiiii.  What are you doing tonight?  Oh, cool.  Me?  I'm just about to jump out of a plane.

I can't stop laughing at this picture.  It's the best hard core/nerdy/what the freak am I doing here picture ever. 

I'll tell you ALL about it tomorrow. 

But just to whet the appetite....

13,000 feet.

8,000 feet of freefall.

Holy crap.

DTR with a Rain Cloud

Me: Um, hey, it's freezing.
Rain Cloud: Yeah, my bad.
Me: The cuffs of my pants got sopping wet during the fire drill today.
Rain Cloud: Mmm...yeah, my bad.
Me: I'm getting anxiety about what comes after rain....snow.....and driving in it.....
Rain Cloud: .........
Me: Yeah, YOUR BAD.
Rain Cloud: What's wrong?
Me: Nothing.
Rain Cloud: Kels, what's wrong?
Me: I said nothing!
Rain Cloud: Alright, you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to...
Me: Good because I don't......
Rain Cloud: ........
Me: ...........
Rain Cloud: ..........
Me: Alright, look. Here's my problem.  I feel like you're holding me back. Summer just started for me.  I just barely got into enjoying things.  Doing things.  Being outside and living in the world.  I have a list ttttthhhhhiiiisssss lllllooooonnnnngggg of things I want to do outside before you show up. You know?  You're suffocating me.
Rain Cloud: But I thought you liked me.  You've always liked me.
Me: I know, I know.  And I do.  I mean, I love you, I do.  Just not yet.  I need some space for a while.  Give me a few weeks and then I'll be so happy to have you in my life.
Rain Cloud: How about a compromise?  Can we meet in the middle?
Me: Okay, fine.  Tomorrow- you, me, soup and apple cider.  We'll enjoy the sound of the rain drops together.  Let's call it one last kiss.  But THEN- leave me alone for a while.  Please, please leave me alone this weekend.  Can you do that?
Rain Cloud: But I'll miss you so. I'll do my best.
Me: Thank you. And after this weekend, see how you feel.  Maybe you'll want to stay out of town for a few more weeks.  Just some space.  I need to cross of some things from my list before I can commit to you.  Give me a few weeks and we'll talk.