Yikes!

I have been away from my computer for what seems like a whole week! & I didn't unplug on purpose or anything, it just sort of happened. I signed up for summer classes, so those just started. & then the girls. & the house. & everything else. & well...getting online just didn't fit into my days.

Anyhow, things are great over here. We've been having some really wacky weather down here in the Sunshine State, but we finally got a break yesterday & took advantage of the blue skies with a trip to the zoo. The girls had such a fabulous time and C was brave enough to hop on a camel and go for a ride. Oh, & she fed a rhino! I'm telling you, my big girl is fearless!

Speaking of big girls, she is officially closer to 3 than 2! It's funny how that happens. Yesterday she was this itty bitty little baby who barely filled a newborn onesie and now she's a walking, talking 2.5 year + 1 day old! Party planning will commence soon, so the 3 people that read my blog will have that to look forward to soon! HA! We've narrowed it down to 2 themes & once little miss chooses, I'll dive in and start working on getting things done.

On Motherhood

Dear Carley & Emily Grace,

Being your momma has been the most incredible experience of a lifetime. I knew motherhood was filled with intense love, but the feelings I have for you are like nothing I could have ever imagined. I am so proud of the little girls you are & look toward the future - your future - with anticipation and excitement. You are incredible gifts and every time I look at you, I am reminded that there is beauty in this world, that God is bigger than everything, and that He really does make miracles happen. Tonight as I put you both to bed, I lingered in your rooms a little longer and studied your faces. The way you both snuggle into your blankies and your perfectly puckered baby doll lips. Your long eyelashes. & that beautiful, wispy hair, spun like golden cotton candy. & still, even after a year of life with 2 girls, I am always left in awe. I can see myself in both of you and I claim you proudly. Mine! 
In the same way a child grips on to a favorite toy while announcing her ownership to the world.
Mine! You are perfect. You are beautiful. You are smart. & funny. & kind. But most importantly, you are mine. & I am wholly yours. & I couldn't feel more blessed to be your momma.

I love you.

Forever yours,
Momma

Carley Elizabeth: November 2009

Emily Grace: April 2011

a vlog...about well...nothing at all

Another (probably worse) attempt at vlogging, but at least ya'll know I'm still around. Am I the only person this happens to, or do you usually have to do 18, 456 takes before you get the video right? LOL

Dear Baby,

One. 365 days. & yet, it feels like I just blinked. I know that's what most momma's say about their babies turning one, but it's probably because it rings true for so many of us. Like yesterday, I remember the smell of room 211 and the sound of a little heart thump-thumping through the monitor and flooding the room with the sound of its perfect rhythm. It feels like yesterday. Maybe even this morning. And yet, it's been a year. & oh what a year it has been. Lots of highs and lots of lows, and lots of memories in between. Your first moments of life were incredible. For so long I felt your long legs push and nudge against me as you tried to get comfortable, and I wondered who you'd be. At 12:22 am, as I saw you stretch and yawn and snuggle into me, I started to learn just who you were. I just had no idea what was ahead for us or all the things you would teach me over the next year.

In a word, the first few months were rough. A few weeks in, I started feeling the pressure & I knew something wasn't right. It felt different. I felt different. & it was a reality I have been very reluctant to admit. I'm sure it's something lots of momma's are very reluctant to admit. But the facts remain. & the feelings are hard to shake. I felt off. Disconnected. I thought it was you. All the changes we were going through. A move. A deployment. A new baby. But it was me. Oh baby, it was me. And for every day that I've been better, I wish I could do it over.

For you.
For us.

I would hold you more. & snuggle you in closer. & really appreciate your newborn smell. But it was something that I just couldn't do then. I can't get those moments back, but I can make now better. Now I carry you a little longer. I hold tight to the moments we get to snuggle in your chair right before bedtime. I breathe in your almost one year old smell. I melt at the sound of your laughter. I savor all the little things you do and wonder if I missed anything before. There are so many things about you right now that I never want to forget. The way your nose crinkles up & how your eyes get all squinty when you laugh. Or how the only way I can keep you on your changing table long enough for me to change your diaper is to give you a wipe to keep you entertained. How you stick out your tongue when you decide you're all done with dinner. & how even after it all, your face lights up the moment you see me.

I am one blessed momma to have you. Thank you for teaching me more about being a momma - your momma - than I ever thought you could. My sweet, sweet girl. You amaze me. You have a beautiful heart & a warm smile that washes all my worries away & let's me know we're gonna be great. You're going to be great. & I know you will do great things. I love you, little bee.

Forever & ever,
Momma

& then there were four

One year ago today, I was frantically crossing things off my "To-Do Before Baby Gets Here" list. I was packing hospital bags and laying in bed wide awake wondering what she would look like, how Carley would adapt to being a big sister, and thinking about how we would soon become a family of four (little did I know that I had (another) 18 hour labor ahead of me) . This past week has been emotional to say the least, but this past year has been nothing short of amazing. I had no idea that life could be this good. Savoring today with my almost ONE year old and her very awesome big sister!

Almost

Five days from now my littlest will turn 1. & we'll sing her a birthday song and cut a cake. I'll think back on the year we've shared and reminisce on all the things she's taught me.

About motherhood.

About love.

About patience.

About prayers.

About a lot of things. We've come a long way since then, and I am so excited about the journey ahead of us.

seven

‎7 months ago we became four.

7 months ago my little became a big.

7 months ago I felt the joy that only a child can bring.

7 months ago we hugged, & we laughed, & we sang happy birthday to a sweet little girl in room 211.

I love you Emmie-Bee. Happy 7 months sweet girl ♥

How are we closer to 1 than 0?!?