Wise Counsel

"A wise man will hear, and will increase learning; and a man of understanding shall attain unto wise counsels" Proverbs 1:5

Thank God for wise counsel. I'd be looking real foolish right about now.

Photo Op!

Young Adult Sunday at church. Aren't we fly???

Mysterious Ways

Today was a hard day. Saturday, I couldn't sleep. I've been doing that for the past three Saturday's now. It started after the organized chaos began in my life. My roommate and I spent the night at a friend's house... wait... lemme just start from the beginning.

So, Saturday morning we had Young Adult choir rehearsal because the next day was going to be Young Adult Sunday. So, I get to church and I see his (the ex's) car. I immediately felt my stomach turn. Like, I pray for him and am so glad that he is pushing to be involved. But, at the same time, my flesh rises up and I just want him to go far, far away. So, we have practice. I have other things to do at the church. So I don't get out of there until almost 4. I get home and a few hours later, I'm praying and crying about my situation.

No one really understands just what I'm going through. No one seems to understand what it's like to be bound by your own mind. What it's like to have to fight thoughts and fight to not have those thoughts consume you. No one knows what it's like to fight to pray. No one knows what it's like to struggle and cry out and ask God to fill this void and take away the desire for that physical comfort- knowing that God can give me all of that and more just by having an intimate relationship with Him. And this is the real struggle. There is more, but that's putting way too much out there. I don't even want to go there because I don't know who is reading this.

But anywho, I'm crying and praying and as soon as I finished, I thought about my friend who goes to my church. I thought, "how is she going to get to church in the morning?" This was crazy to me because how in the world do I go from crying about him to thinking about the fact that she doesn't have her car? She has plenty of other friends at the church. They can take her.

So, I text her anyways:

Me: "I just thought about something. How you gonna get to church in the morning? Isn't your car in Jersey?"
Soul Sista: "LOL yup. Jesus gotta make a wayyyyy. lol. Is he puttin it on ur heart lol"
Me: " I see! I was praying and crying about my situation and AS SOON as I was done, I thought about you! Lol! You want me to get you?"
Soul Sista: "Hallelujah! Amen God bless my chile. hehe ru ok"
Me: "Yeah, I'm okay. I was just tired of holding everything. And even though I know Jesus already knows, just spilling it all out to Him seemed like the right thing to do."
Soul Sista: "Yeah, he loves when we tlk 2him :) "

And from there, me and my roomie ended up spending the night. And I tossed and turned and didn't fall asleep until 4:45. Mind you, we have to be at church at 6:55. Needless to say, I was exhausted yesterday. I went to bed early, woke up, went back to sleep. I woke up today around 10. Got out of the bed at 12, made breakfast, ate REAL GOOD, went back to sleep. I woke up at 4. I feel a little better now.

I don't know what the point of this post was. Oh yeah! Today was a hard day. I just couldn't stop thinking about the situation. There is more to it- this is where the thoughts that I won't share come into play. It bothered me all day. Ugh. But I'm better now. I'm always better after I write.

I know we go through things for a reason. And this too shall pass. Jesus, I can't wait for it to pass. If there is a test that I keep failing, please let the test come around again so that I can ace it and move on!!!

Be blessed!

Re: Nappy..Curly.. WHATEVER!

So, yesterday I told my 2.5 cents about the obsession with having Kelis-like, curly hair when your hair simply don't. Yeah. I like that: It just don't! And as I stated, I'm all for twist-outs and creating cute styles, but when you get obsessed with trying to have something that you don't, then the problem arises.

My beautiful friend- I'ma ask her if I can post a pic- had this reply:

I read your blog about us naturals at church. I totally agree that we as naturals should be comfortable with our own hair texture the way it is. When I first went natural, I got the feeling that people felt that only curly natural hair was beautiful, but I never got sucked into that ideal. I totally and absolutely love my hair exactly how it is, if I didn't I would never rock my fro :) However, at times I like manipulating it with different products to produce a different look. Twist outs with cantu give me a nice wave, twist outs with cantu and coconut oil give me a very moisturized wave, perm rods with cantu give me curly fro, and the curl activator gel that I recently bought gives me a very moisturized curl. Right now I am just doing a lot of experimenting to see how different hairstyles look on me. My absolute favorite: twist outs.

So, I am one of those people that you are talking about, heck no! I love my hair and I wouldn't trade it for the world. The fro that I have now ain't got nothing on the fro that I will be rocking a year from now :)

Yesterday my sis and I were looking at this picture of my aunt from the 70's and she had a huge afro. I asked my sis if she thought that I was going through a natural hair phase. She was like "I don't know." Anyways, I don't think it is. Relaxers broke my hair off and thinned my edges out. Why would I subject myself to that again? I want healthy hair and being natural is the best way for me to achieve that. In addition, for the past 27 years of my life I was taught that straight hair is beautiful. Therefore, I want to be a poster child for natural hair. I want black girls and black women to look at my hair and realize that natural hair can be beautiful too.

OMG...this e-mail is sooo long. LOL. Anyways, enjoy the rest of your work day and I'll see you tomorrow birthday girl. Welcome to the late 20's...LOL


Isn't that awesome? =) Big smiles! Oh yeah, tomorrow is my b-day. Wish me lots of birthday happiness!!!

Hung-Over...Not Really

Something extremely weird is going on.

At this very moment, I am feeling something that I haven't felt in a long time: the physical side effects of being extremely drunk. Now, here comes the weird part:

I haven't had a drink in ages.

In college, my friends and I were the girls that you shook your head at. We were the chicks dancing on tables, swinging from anything remotely close to a pole, being holstered on the shoulders of random dudes when crunk Lil Jon songs came on, and drinking ourselves into an inebriated bliss. Whenever I partied that hard, I most likely ended up regurgitating all of the food and drink that I obnoxiously consumed. As a result, for the next couple of days, my insides felt like crap. I couldn't laugh hard, run, or do anything that caused the muscles in my mid- section to work.

I got sick a few days ago. I'm not sure if its the new vitamins I'm taking, the McDonald's I had on Sunday, or the dinner my beau cooked. But my body rejected whatever it was. And now, I feel horrible! I called my friend this morning because a gospel song that was playing on the radio reminded me of tarrying. LOL... don't ask questions. And we laughed at the memory of me tarrying- which was utter torture for me then- because I was not ready for no Holy Ghost power. And that's probably why the Lord didn't see fit to give it to me until about two years ago. But anywho, as we laughed, I felt that familiar pain in my insides. UGH..... I've been drinking water and eating toast and rice.

Hopefully this feeling will go away. Soon.

The Real Thing

I could sit here and write a poem. I could write in "code" just enough to excuse myself from really talking about it. I could bash. I could name call. I could do all kinds of things. But when I think about doing that, it reminds me of how I used to be. I used to retaliate. I used to get even. I was the most vindictive little girl. I knew where to punch you and make it really hurt. I knew how to push those buttons, to the point where you wanted to fight me.

I still do. I still can.

But I won't.

What is the point? All that matters to me is that I am pleasing my God. Blogging about it is still talking/gossiping about it. Telling your best friend is still gossiping. And then, when it has nothing to do with you, why worry about it? It's not your business. It's not your place to speak on it. It's not about you.

See, if we stop getting so wrapped up in other people's lives, our relationships would go a lot more smooth. She did this and he said that. Stop and look at yourself. Have you forgotten about all the times that you fell short. Who made you Jesus? Think about that before you open your mouth to slander someone elses name, email, or blog about someone else's business.

I digress on that note...

LOL! Yes! I am about to talk about myself. After all of that preaching, I'm about to talk about myself. (I'm talking to you. You know who you are. ;p) It took me 3 hours last night to do my hair!!! 3!! And it is still not perfect! I finally gave up and was like, screw it. But I think I did a good job, for the most part. I couldn't take it anymore. The curly fro had to go!!! Maybe I'll only unleash it on the weekends?? Or maybe I'll come up off of $200 and get it braided up.

Be still. It's not as hard to do as I thought. It's not hard to wait on God. It's not hard to be content until he tells me to move. It's not hard because I know that He is almighty. He is all knowing. He has my life in his hands. So, I'll gladly sit like his good little girl. I'm being still.

Here I Stand

Good Morning!!!

It's Monday and I'm so happy to be alive and breathing. I had the best weekend. Nothing too interesting happened. But it was a really peaceful weekend. Friday, the madness continued with the wig. I'll never wear that wig again. I'm leaving work. I come to a red light. This black Lexus rides by me and then all of a sudden I see it reversing. This guy stops next to me. I'm thinking that he wants to turn into McDonald's because I was blocking the entrance. He mouths something. So, I point to McDonald's. He then rolls down his window. Oh Lord.

"Has anyone told you that you look awe- awe-awesome today?"
"No, but thank you."
"Yes girl, you got it going on!"
I then smile, trying not to laugh in his face.
"And look at them pretty bright teeth!"
God, why?
"What's your name?"
"T"
"My name is Willie. But they call me Winky."
I'm disturbed at this point. And why hasn't the light turned green???
"They call me Winky cuz I wink a lot."
He then proceeds to wink both eyes, one at a time, left-right-left-right. And while he is winking like an idiot, I notice the wedding ring on his finger. Thank God, the light turns green. I roll up my window and drive off. As I said before, men never cease to amaze me.

I'm riding along in my car. I'm a sucker for good music. So, I'm flipping stations and I come across this voice. It kinda sounds like Usher, but the music has this neo-soul, Musiq soulchild, Dwele type feel to it. So, I'm listening to him sing and I am blown away because it is so beautiful! I immediately pull out my Blackberry and start typing the words to the song in my phone as he sings them. This way, I can go back and look it up later. So, I'm sitting at a red light wrecking my brain trying to figure out who this guy is. He sounds like Usher. But this is better than Usher. Who is this??? So, the song plays. I'm falling even more in love with it. My thought process is that it can't be Usher because he is all about catching AIDS in the club. And this song is about being in love with his blessing from God. It is absolutely beautiful. The music is arranged well. It just can't be Usher. The song goes off and the DJ says, "that was Usher with 'Here I Stand' off of his new album." WHAT?!? Wow. I still don't like him anymore. But I'll go and by the song off of Itunes for $.99.

Sunday was Father's Day. I don't even know why I bother buying my parents anything. They never like it. And my mom has yet to use the gift certificate that I got her to Red Door Spa & Salon. A waste of good money.... Church was great. After church, a friend had an NBA fellowship (fellowship-that's church talk) at his crib. He and his sister made the BEST baked beans, fried chicken, meat balls, mac-n-cheese, shrimp scampi, fried shrimp, dirty rice, and fish. My goodness!!! Before the game, we watched Martin and the Boondocks. Wow. I've never watched that before. That show is something else. And it was weird because, to my knowledge, we're all saved and trying to live our lives Holy and acceptable in God's eyes. But I promise you, by 10pm, the facade fell. And we all just had a good time. Nothing vulgar or nasty. But we just enjoyed each other. We were all ourselves. And it's nice to get to know the real you.

I didn't get home until a little after 1. I'm tired. But it was well worth it. And I can't wait to do it again.

And the beat goes on...

Friday night was choir rehearsal. Nothing interesting happened. We learned "The Light" by Ricky Dillard. Nice song. I always turned away from it when it came on the radio. But never the less, the song's an awesome song. After practice we went to "The Waffle House". I love that place. Breakfast food is one of my favorites: grits, eggs, bacon, waffles, yum!!!!! And don't forget the coffee. I love that stuff.

I wake up Saturday around 8:45 am. I immediately began cleaning up because I knew my girls were coming over. Plus, my room was a disaster. It's hard keeping your crib clean when you come home late every night. All I do is sleep in my house. I spend my days at work and doing ministry. Wow. I can't believe I just typed that. Last year this time, I was worried about a boy. My life semi-revolved around a selfish, egotistical male. Praise God for a new life!!! Anywho, back to Saturday...

After everyone arrived, we went to Q'dobas. It's just like Chipotle- without the chipotle. Two of us are naturals. I live in a white suburbia area. So, the four of us walk in and these two little girls of the Caucasian persuasion were gawking. It was obvious. G saw them gawking through the window before we walked in. When we finally walked through the door, they had completely turned and were just looking with these smirks on their faces. I gave them a, "is there something on my face?" look. So, we order and sit down. We are enjoying our food when the two children walk by. One of the girls looks at me, then says to her friend, "b*tch". Now, being that I am clearly at least 10 years older than them, and supposed to be letting my light shine, I should have just brushed it off. But this feeling came from the pit of my soul and "whore" escaped from my lips. WOAH! Where did that come from? I felt HORRIBLE!! Clearly I have a lot of growing to do. But I needed that to happen. We can't grow unless we make mistakes and learn from them. Retaliating was not the way to handle the situation. I acted like a child. Shame on me.

So, after we left Q'doba, we went back to the crib and watched my home videos from college. Insert musical cue: "He brought me from a mighty long way!" I cursed worse than my drunken uncle at a family cook out. I couldn't make a simple declarative sentence without $h*t or the MF word. I was so embarrassed. *sigh* We then watched "The Notebook". That movie is so awesome. I want love like "The Notebook".

Allie: "Do you think in another life, I could have been a bird?"
Noah: "What do you mean?"
Allie: "Like reincarnation."
Noah:"I don't know."
Allie: "I think I could. Caw! Caw! Say I'm a bird."
Noah: "No."
Allie: "Say I'm a bird!"
Noah: "You're a bird."
Allie: "Now say you're a bird too."
Noah: "If you're a bird, I'm a bird."

That is the sweetest thing I've ever heard!!!

After the movie, a friend put together the cutest outfit for me to wear to church. I don't know why this girl isn't in the fashion industry. In .5 seconds, she put an outfit together- using MY clothes. That's a huge feat. I've had those same clothes for years and never thought to put them together like that. She's a G.

Sunday was filled with the word, praise, and great music. We have the greatest pastors in the world. Honestly. They are so anointed and blessed. It's awesome. I ended the weekend sitting in the most disgusting place ever: China Buffet. Yuk! The buffet is over priced (which is why I didn't eat). The bathrooms are horrific. I was uncomfortable. But, spending quality time with friends made up for it.

And that's about it.

Weekend Update

I had an absolute blast this weekend. Some friends and I decided to go out and have fun. The weather was BEAUTIFUL! Why not hang out on a Friday night? We're in the D.C. Metro area, we're young, full of energy, ready to get this party started!!!! But then, we run into a problem.

We don't drink. We don't club.

We're in D.C.

Christians in the City. <--- oh! I think I have a concept for a new blog. Now, had this been a few years ago, all of us would've had NO PROBLEM. But, we've dedicated our lives to living according to the purpose and plan of God's will.

What do we do?!?!? We tried looking for spoken word spots. However, Friday nights are for dancing, bumping and grinding, drinking: "Love in the Club"

Everything non-alcoholic, non-lustful, non- 'party like a rock star' was null and void.

So, we ended up at Lucky Stripes. It's a club disguised as a bowling alley. When we sat down to eat, the first thing the waitress said was, "Wanna start off with some drinks?"



And she wasn't talking about coke products.

We made the best of it anyway. We ate- the food was good. We observed. We talked and laughed. We met some guys who wanted to bowl. Ha! That ended up being a disaster!!! Let's just say that letting a man, "beat that a$$ and getting drinks afterwards" just wasn't appealing to me.

We leave.

We end up at a pool/game place called Continental. It is empty. Probably because everyone is out clubbing. It was nice. We played games, danced around amongst ourselves being silly, and had a nice time....


looks like a commercial for, "Pantene Pro-V: Relaxed and Natural"

Dansha

Never judge a book by it's cover. Never put a person in a category before you get to know her. We've all heard these sayings. We all say it. We all claim that we don't do it. But,

We do.

I've always been able to get inside of people. It's a gift. It has to be. What other reason would it be? I can break down the toughest person. They just let me right on in. And I love it- for the most part. The most recent display of this happened at work.

Let me first brief you on me:

I am friendly. I love people. I try to be opened minded. I can be judgemental- but I try really hard not to. I take things that people say about others into consideration- the info sits in the back of my head. I don't, however, act on it. I like to find people out for myself. One man's trash is another man's treasure. And I believe that is true in all aspects of life and relationships. I'm not rich. I didn't come from a rich family. I grew up around the corner from the hood. (Thank God, my family shielded us from that with love.) I'm not materialistic. I love the fact that I am extremely simple. I've always been that way. I don't have to have the latest Gucci or Louis Vitton. You get my drift?

So, in walks Dana.

Dana comes from a wealthy Caucasian family. She is the girlfriend of the President's son at the company I work for. She is beautiful. She carries expensive coach bags. She ALWAYS has on something sharp and potentially expensive. She just test drove a BMW for graduation.

My judgemental radar is on overload. But, I am me. And I get inside of people. And I let her get inside of me.

The President's son dumps her. We've been getting cool during the time she worked there. But this brought us closer. In comes God. Everything that I've been through with men- all of the hell and drama, the tears and heartache- was used to help her. I opened up and told her things about my past. We bonded over that one common factor: HEARTACHE.

Me and Dana become close. I no longer see the Coach carrying, BMW driving, little rich girl. I see a young woman who is hurting and who needs someone to talk to. I see a beautiful young woman who I bonded with over hour long lunches and chats over AIM.

Her last day is next Friday. And I'm in tears. There is a lot of this story that I'm leaving out. And that's to save you time. But the situation surrounding her departure isn't good.

But I know that God brought us together to help one another. I've learned a lot from her and she from me. I just got a text from her that said, "I'm going to miss you!" And you know what? I'm gonna miss her too. Terribly.

Situations in life know no boundaries. White, black, Muslim, Christian, man, woman, poor, rich, Coach bag, or Target bag. It doesn't matter. We all go through the same things. We are all human. We were all created by the same God. And the same God loves us all. Don't judge a book by its cover- or a woman by her purse. You may miss out on the best friend, the best memories, the best therapy that you'll ever encounter.

Walk Away

It seems to me that this is the season for changes, whether they be good or bad. I've noticed that people around me, including myself, are going through situations in relationships. Not just between a man and a woman, but between friends. Is it something in the air?? Over the past year, I have fallen out with four people who are extremely dear to me. Four people in one year. That is a lot. One- an ex- just recently asked me to be his friend on the Lamebook. We exchanged a few messages. But our relationship will never be the way it was. My roll dog. My nigga. My ace. We stopped communicating all together last year. And I will take some fault in the situation. I did blow up and hang the phone up in her face. I gave it some weeks and called and apologized. But I guess the damage had been done because I never heard a word from her. Birthdays and holidays have since come and passed and the two of us have not uttered a hello over the phone or dared to send a text.

The situation at hand that caused this blog happened over Memorial Day Weekend. I won't go into all the specifics because I really don't feel like typing that much. But I will say that I hate that things had to come to that. And my friends know that I am an extremely open hearted, emotional, caring friend. I hate to have conflict. I hate to have ill feelings or any type of tension. But I felt like I had done all I could do. When you've done all you can and are still misunderstood, what do you do? I walked away. I was insulted in a way that I have never been insulted before. I was accused of putting them to the wayside. I was accused of not being there for my friend when they KNOW that the LAST thing in this world that I wanted was to NOT be there for her. If I could, I would go down there for every single event in their lives. But I can't. I'm not rich. I'm barely supporting myself up here. And when I see a chance for us to be together and you throw it in my face???? That is unacceptable. When I am trying to do all I can for both sides and you throw it in my face???? When I went back in forth in my mind trying to figure out how the hell I was going to get to her graduation party and ultimately had to come to the conclusion that I just couldn't do it- and you throw it in my face????

Then there is nothing else to say. There is nothing left to do. It's OK. When you've done all you can do and are still misunderstood, you just walk away. And that's just what I did.