Today is the last day of freedom (more significant than national day to me). So i begin my commencement of working life tomorrow. and it really touched my heart to see my parents frantically making sure I had the proper clothes to wear, heels to put on, and that I am ready to test the outside waters. I didn't know it meant so much to them.
Thanks mummy and daddy =) for all your love! <3
:)
Thank you lord, that you made the way for me, and today has been a wonderful day filled with love :) Bless my parents with good health and everlasting happiness, in Jesus name, Amen.
my lamb.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Friday, August 5, 2011
choosing between what is right, and what is easy.
it's hard. Today I felt so much peace, to do what is right. with 1 job offer, and another still pending, I guess most grads have gone through this phase of "should i accept this one first? but i really like the other one which is still pending; what if i reject this offer and wait for the other one to offer me, but in the end the other one doesnt offer me" etc... dilemma which can be pretty distressing for any 22 year old.
i guess i owe it to my prof who said that we should never live life with regrets. We do whatever it takes to get that goal, and if we don't get it, it's ok. At least we can look back and see that "at least i know i've tried". And i have no regrets. That really struck me. With that, i applied it vigorously with a shameless spirit in my job hunt. I've never been more upset and disappointed, nor hopeful and wishful in my entire life than this year. Yet, it brought me closer to God. I was, and still is, frustrated with God. I yelled at Him, i scolded Him, I prayed to Him, hoping that He answers. I kept on asking, "why do You make it so difficult ; why can't you just give me the damn job that I want?" but as days and months went by, all i got were silent treatments from companies, or false hope that "maybe, the HR will call me next week". and when next week came, no calls. another week went by, no calls. no rejection emails either to give me any form of closure. eventually, after a month or so, I figured it's another one of those silent treatments whom i'll never live to hear from again. i got more angry with them, and angry with God. Once in a while, i feel as if im not good enough for the companies to want to hire me. They rejected me; I blacklisted them and promptly dumped that resume titled "diana - resume (XXX company) into a document folder that says "Ditched - silent treatment" and never to open that folder again. Today, it has over 40 sets of resume and coverletters there. Am i proud? no. Am i amused, perhaps. Am i sad? a little. what's more important is that i think i learnt so much more about HR and good corporate communications through this roller coaster experience. I'd learnt that to judge a man, don't look at how he treats his peers, but look at how he treats his subordinates; pple lower ranked than he is. I was sad at how evil this world is, how selfish, snobbish, cut-throat and mean people can be. it made me sad. A little love, patience and understanding would make this world a much better place.
Perhaps it's time to talk about my current situation. I did an internship doing X. now im interviewing for another firm doing X as well. I like the job scope. I like the environment. But I also like doing Y. I got an offer from another company to do Y. Should i go with X, or Y? I am bias towards X because i've done it before, i know what it entails. But im afraid, very afraid, that im not good enough - because it's really hard and tough work. I keep thinking i'm not good enough for it. However, for Y, i know that the work it hard, but i should be able to manage because i know that the environment there welcomes stupid questions. X doesnt. X probably pays more too. but there's a price too. I am also very afraid of committing to a career path, and have the thought of "what if i'd tried Y, would i be better?" i havent had the opportunity to try Y in any internship - i'll never know. But i've done something similar in school projects. The questions is whether i wanna give Y a shot, and possibly give up X, which is something i know for sure i like. But i also know i might like X. People are telling me that the work culture in Y is bad, very bad. Plus the pay isnt good. X is better.
Both interviews went pretty smoothly. I said yes to Y today. Not because i'm afraid that X would not offer me, but because i didnt want to live my life regretting that i didnt give another career path a shot in my life. before i made the phone call i was frantically asking my friends for advice. all said Y was better. But Y was still pending; no offers yet. After i said yes today, I felt a warmth and peace in my heart, as if God was telling me i made the right decision, and He'll bring me through it. My mum is commenting about it... my dad will say something good no matter what happens to me. Somehow, for some reason, whatever other pple say, my friends, my parents, i don't really give much weight to because i think i did the right thing. I'm thankful for their inputs which helps put things in perspective, but ultimately, i think i did the right thing.
I could have waited for X to make me an offer, but that would take another month. It's an easy decision because i know exactly what X entails. I, however, want to make full use of my time to give Y a shot, and see/experience for myself the unknown. Whatever it is; it's good.
Thank you Lord Jesus. I am the righteousness of God in Christ. bless me please!
i guess i owe it to my prof who said that we should never live life with regrets. We do whatever it takes to get that goal, and if we don't get it, it's ok. At least we can look back and see that "at least i know i've tried". And i have no regrets. That really struck me. With that, i applied it vigorously with a shameless spirit in my job hunt. I've never been more upset and disappointed, nor hopeful and wishful in my entire life than this year. Yet, it brought me closer to God. I was, and still is, frustrated with God. I yelled at Him, i scolded Him, I prayed to Him, hoping that He answers. I kept on asking, "why do You make it so difficult ; why can't you just give me the damn job that I want?" but as days and months went by, all i got were silent treatments from companies, or false hope that "maybe, the HR will call me next week". and when next week came, no calls. another week went by, no calls. no rejection emails either to give me any form of closure. eventually, after a month or so, I figured it's another one of those silent treatments whom i'll never live to hear from again. i got more angry with them, and angry with God. Once in a while, i feel as if im not good enough for the companies to want to hire me. They rejected me; I blacklisted them and promptly dumped that resume titled "diana - resume (XXX company) into a document folder that says "Ditched - silent treatment" and never to open that folder again. Today, it has over 40 sets of resume and coverletters there. Am i proud? no. Am i amused, perhaps. Am i sad? a little. what's more important is that i think i learnt so much more about HR and good corporate communications through this roller coaster experience. I'd learnt that to judge a man, don't look at how he treats his peers, but look at how he treats his subordinates; pple lower ranked than he is. I was sad at how evil this world is, how selfish, snobbish, cut-throat and mean people can be. it made me sad. A little love, patience and understanding would make this world a much better place.
Perhaps it's time to talk about my current situation. I did an internship doing X. now im interviewing for another firm doing X as well. I like the job scope. I like the environment. But I also like doing Y. I got an offer from another company to do Y. Should i go with X, or Y? I am bias towards X because i've done it before, i know what it entails. But im afraid, very afraid, that im not good enough - because it's really hard and tough work. I keep thinking i'm not good enough for it. However, for Y, i know that the work it hard, but i should be able to manage because i know that the environment there welcomes stupid questions. X doesnt. X probably pays more too. but there's a price too. I am also very afraid of committing to a career path, and have the thought of "what if i'd tried Y, would i be better?" i havent had the opportunity to try Y in any internship - i'll never know. But i've done something similar in school projects. The questions is whether i wanna give Y a shot, and possibly give up X, which is something i know for sure i like. But i also know i might like X. People are telling me that the work culture in Y is bad, very bad. Plus the pay isnt good. X is better.
Both interviews went pretty smoothly. I said yes to Y today. Not because i'm afraid that X would not offer me, but because i didnt want to live my life regretting that i didnt give another career path a shot in my life. before i made the phone call i was frantically asking my friends for advice. all said Y was better. But Y was still pending; no offers yet. After i said yes today, I felt a warmth and peace in my heart, as if God was telling me i made the right decision, and He'll bring me through it. My mum is commenting about it... my dad will say something good no matter what happens to me. Somehow, for some reason, whatever other pple say, my friends, my parents, i don't really give much weight to because i think i did the right thing. I'm thankful for their inputs which helps put things in perspective, but ultimately, i think i did the right thing.
I could have waited for X to make me an offer, but that would take another month. It's an easy decision because i know exactly what X entails. I, however, want to make full use of my time to give Y a shot, and see/experience for myself the unknown. Whatever it is; it's good.
Thank you Lord Jesus. I am the righteousness of God in Christ. bless me please!
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
hello =)
It's been ALMOST a month since my last paper. It's been surreal.
Batam for 2 days was actually boring
mugging like mad for a job interview
forcing myself to study for an external exam paper
both completed as of monday. It's thur today. .
Tue - watched Fast & Furious 5
Wed - Gym + collect tailored shirts which are so pwetty im so happy even though it was abit pricey
Thur - got woken up by a call from school to check on my graduation stuff and pretty much nuahed since.
I looked back at my education years and i can only remember a little bit of each.
Primary school - pretty much a rascal in lower primary, and enjoying every single moment of mischievousness. I guess being put in the potential-EM3 class has it's value too :) also remembered getting into a fight with a prefect. It was unintentional but he was being a wuss and a bloody hypocrite in front of the teacher. no regrets there. I hated my math teacher cos she would always make fun of my surname for NO REASON. "diana mok answer the question" and while i was scrambling to come up with the answer, she'll say "diana mok, mop the floor" and it comes with the gesture and action of mopping the floor. I was so hurt, i hated her. In upper primary i remembered being forced to go for one-to-one english tuition. It was a nightmare. I did everything out of fear, and it was so stifling in her house. Her grandson (about 2 years old) came out naked and she was just talking normally to him and asking him to greet me. Imagine that horror i still remember till this day. All i could remember was doing homework out of fear, and my mum kept saying she paid so much for that tuition teacher i ruddy hell do well. My childhood was tarnished like that. I swear if i have kids i'll never subject my kid to individual tuition. It is bad enough to subject a kid to tuition, much less to someone who appears like a tyrant and scolds me whenever i do something wrong. and im stuck in her house for that freakish 2 hours. Then came music lessons. I remembered being the class monitor in lower pri, so everytime i forgot to bring my music book or recorder, she canes students on the palm. And because i was the class monitor, she used TWO canes tied tgt with rubber bands. I hated her. I hated music since then. Then came recess. Being part of the potential-EM3 class opened up the world of vulgarities and gangs at an early age. I learned, i imitate, i talked like one. I accepted the challenge of one gang fight behind the school compound, but chicken out the last min and never showed up. I don't know what happened after that. But other than that, primary school was ok.. i guess that freedom of growing to who i am was pretty much shaped there. I got disappointing results for PSLE, but my mum was elated with that results. So i was like.. whatever. My mum picked my secondary school for me. And i was thinking what the hell is fairfield also never hear before. whatever it was back then...she said it was good. thoroughly annoyed at being labelled as not good enough to enter the elite sec schools and having my parents decide my fate. I remembered hating the then-education minister Tharman, because i hated the whole idea of affiliation. I was thinking if i had to work so hard to get into a school, any school, why should students who score lower be allowed in simply because they come from that affiliated pri school. this was purely unfair. And i came from a non-affiliated pri school, where the pupils do not enjoy any form of favouritism anywhere. This was an injustice i blamed on Tharman - whether or not he was invented this system.
Secondary school - i pretty much remembered studying. nothing much. with the principal driving us to our fullest academic potential. I guess that culture forged in me the attitude of giving my best in everything. Other than that, drama club was another thing. Got me exposed to the whole arts fraternity. Drawn to that whole shakespeare thing in some way. It was eye opening seeing how english can be put into such beauty. Other than that, just mugging. Mano, matthew lim, the higher chinese teacher, emath teacher Ms Ng, that Amath teacher with a microphone. Lab lessons were refreshing - practical lessons on blowing up things, seeing chemicals change colour, testing the magnets, free fall of gravity. Nice.
JC - first three months were one of the best times of my life. Opened up my eyes to a whole new group of pple. strong school spirit and sports culture gaave me the opportunity to try different sports which i hadnt. but after that three months, the class composition changed, pple moved out, new pple moved in. Quite different, wasnt fun anymore. but i still liked the school spirit in general.
uni - well, i would say i didnt really enjoy much of it. A few nice things happened, but none life-long. My peak was when i went on exchange in the US. I can safely say i was never so happy in my life before. It was the best moment in my life. i had that freedom to do whatever i like, and really take up courses which i find interesting and exciting.School wasnt just school, it became... my LIFE. i didnt see it as work at all. I took make up courses, did a backstage crew in one of the play at Queen Mary, took up a surfing module, made so many korean, japanese, american friends. on the last day of my class, my make up professor asked me, "diana do you want to do this play next semester". My finance professor wished me luck back in singapore, but when my project groupmate heard it, he asked "wait, you are not from here!? you are from singapore!?" - on exam day. =) It's nice to be part of them, really. I was never so happy before. Their football culture was so strong. the school gym was world-class. The friendship i forged there in 4 months went deeper than some of the friends i have in university - 4 years. Because we had the TIME to do these kind of stuff, and not be caught in the GPA-frenzy and superficial friendship required for project work. Am i harsh? i don't think so. It's my opinion. Don't like it, go elsewhere.
Now i look forward to the next chapter - job. It looks blank right now. But i know He has the plans for me, plans to prosper me and not to harm me. He takes care of it :)
Batam for 2 days was actually boring
mugging like mad for a job interview
forcing myself to study for an external exam paper
both completed as of monday. It's thur today. .
Tue - watched Fast & Furious 5
Wed - Gym + collect tailored shirts which are so pwetty im so happy even though it was abit pricey
Thur - got woken up by a call from school to check on my graduation stuff and pretty much nuahed since.
I looked back at my education years and i can only remember a little bit of each.
Primary school - pretty much a rascal in lower primary, and enjoying every single moment of mischievousness. I guess being put in the potential-EM3 class has it's value too :) also remembered getting into a fight with a prefect. It was unintentional but he was being a wuss and a bloody hypocrite in front of the teacher. no regrets there. I hated my math teacher cos she would always make fun of my surname for NO REASON. "diana mok answer the question" and while i was scrambling to come up with the answer, she'll say "diana mok, mop the floor" and it comes with the gesture and action of mopping the floor. I was so hurt, i hated her. In upper primary i remembered being forced to go for one-to-one english tuition. It was a nightmare. I did everything out of fear, and it was so stifling in her house. Her grandson (about 2 years old) came out naked and she was just talking normally to him and asking him to greet me. Imagine that horror i still remember till this day. All i could remember was doing homework out of fear, and my mum kept saying she paid so much for that tuition teacher i ruddy hell do well. My childhood was tarnished like that. I swear if i have kids i'll never subject my kid to individual tuition. It is bad enough to subject a kid to tuition, much less to someone who appears like a tyrant and scolds me whenever i do something wrong. and im stuck in her house for that freakish 2 hours. Then came music lessons. I remembered being the class monitor in lower pri, so everytime i forgot to bring my music book or recorder, she canes students on the palm. And because i was the class monitor, she used TWO canes tied tgt with rubber bands. I hated her. I hated music since then. Then came recess. Being part of the potential-EM3 class opened up the world of vulgarities and gangs at an early age. I learned, i imitate, i talked like one. I accepted the challenge of one gang fight behind the school compound, but chicken out the last min and never showed up. I don't know what happened after that. But other than that, primary school was ok.. i guess that freedom of growing to who i am was pretty much shaped there. I got disappointing results for PSLE, but my mum was elated with that results. So i was like.. whatever. My mum picked my secondary school for me. And i was thinking what the hell is fairfield also never hear before. whatever it was back then...she said it was good. thoroughly annoyed at being labelled as not good enough to enter the elite sec schools and having my parents decide my fate. I remembered hating the then-education minister Tharman, because i hated the whole idea of affiliation. I was thinking if i had to work so hard to get into a school, any school, why should students who score lower be allowed in simply because they come from that affiliated pri school. this was purely unfair. And i came from a non-affiliated pri school, where the pupils do not enjoy any form of favouritism anywhere. This was an injustice i blamed on Tharman - whether or not he was invented this system.
Secondary school - i pretty much remembered studying. nothing much. with the principal driving us to our fullest academic potential. I guess that culture forged in me the attitude of giving my best in everything. Other than that, drama club was another thing. Got me exposed to the whole arts fraternity. Drawn to that whole shakespeare thing in some way. It was eye opening seeing how english can be put into such beauty. Other than that, just mugging. Mano, matthew lim, the higher chinese teacher, emath teacher Ms Ng, that Amath teacher with a microphone. Lab lessons were refreshing - practical lessons on blowing up things, seeing chemicals change colour, testing the magnets, free fall of gravity. Nice.
JC - first three months were one of the best times of my life. Opened up my eyes to a whole new group of pple. strong school spirit and sports culture gaave me the opportunity to try different sports which i hadnt. but after that three months, the class composition changed, pple moved out, new pple moved in. Quite different, wasnt fun anymore. but i still liked the school spirit in general.
uni - well, i would say i didnt really enjoy much of it. A few nice things happened, but none life-long. My peak was when i went on exchange in the US. I can safely say i was never so happy in my life before. It was the best moment in my life. i had that freedom to do whatever i like, and really take up courses which i find interesting and exciting.School wasnt just school, it became... my LIFE. i didnt see it as work at all. I took make up courses, did a backstage crew in one of the play at Queen Mary, took up a surfing module, made so many korean, japanese, american friends. on the last day of my class, my make up professor asked me, "diana do you want to do this play next semester". My finance professor wished me luck back in singapore, but when my project groupmate heard it, he asked "wait, you are not from here!? you are from singapore!?" - on exam day. =) It's nice to be part of them, really. I was never so happy before. Their football culture was so strong. the school gym was world-class. The friendship i forged there in 4 months went deeper than some of the friends i have in university - 4 years. Because we had the TIME to do these kind of stuff, and not be caught in the GPA-frenzy and superficial friendship required for project work. Am i harsh? i don't think so. It's my opinion. Don't like it, go elsewhere.
Now i look forward to the next chapter - job. It looks blank right now. But i know He has the plans for me, plans to prosper me and not to harm me. He takes care of it :)
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Dear Daddy, I love you.
It's the second last week of school. Exams begin this week, and end the following Monday. How quick. I'll probably dedicate an entire post about my entire 4 years of university life. This post, however, is not about that.
Giving thanks
for helping me see the light about being filled to be emptied again
telling me not to worry, not to worry, not to worry
stop looking back and say 'if only i had..." 'if only..." 'i should have.." "i SHOULD have done that.." stop it.
that when the people were led out of Egypt and camped in the desert for fourty years, you're with them, just as how you're with me.
to get on fire for you, an Energiser bunny!
that you never left me in spite of my inequities
to live for you, not for me
whatever I give to you, is never compromised
the world is peripherel to the church, not the other way round
You're the very present help
don't be hard on people. if i think you're hard on me, i'll be hard on others. if i think i receive full, unqualified forgiveness, i do the same to others
don't kick or punish yourself. tell the world, come home.
oh i just love it :D
You will cause me to go over the circumstance and reign in life. Amen. =P
Giving thanks
for helping me see the light about being filled to be emptied again
telling me not to worry, not to worry, not to worry
stop looking back and say 'if only i had..." 'if only..." 'i should have.." "i SHOULD have done that.." stop it.
that when the people were led out of Egypt and camped in the desert for fourty years, you're with them, just as how you're with me.
to get on fire for you, an Energiser bunny!
that you never left me in spite of my inequities
to live for you, not for me
whatever I give to you, is never compromised
the world is peripherel to the church, not the other way round
You're the very present help
don't be hard on people. if i think you're hard on me, i'll be hard on others. if i think i receive full, unqualified forgiveness, i do the same to others
don't kick or punish yourself. tell the world, come home.
oh i just love it :D
You will cause me to go over the circumstance and reign in life. Amen. =P
Sunday, March 13, 2011
learning to be thoughtful and positive
dear Daddy,
Thank you for teaching me what it is to give and be thoughtful on people. In the past, doing projects could be a nightmare as i lose patience with people who don't seem to meet my standard. Yet, this semester, as i learn more and more from you, how you were always there for people, yet so cool, calm and collected in times of adversity, made me want to learn from you. This month the message for me seems to be the words from the song from hillsong, - "i know i'm filled to be emptied again". that you gave me the patience to deal with people, only to fill me up with love everytime i give it away. thank you daddy <3
It seemed to culminate today, when crunch time happened. project presentation tmr and X didnt seem to understand the essence of the flow. I thought about getting annoyed, yet somehow, effortlessly, i thought that it would not be efficient. something prompted me to change my attitude to make that session fruitful, to lift pple up rather than put pple down. it felt peaceful, that you were here with me. Thank you for bringing me another friend, who thought me so much about how to talk to people and work with almost anyone, that spirit of kindness and understanding just goes beyond any doubt. that to talk to someone sometimes just doesn't require a solution, but to parry and parrot it. it is something so priceless :)
yet all the time you made me aware of these. Not because of who i am, but because of who you are; Not because of what i am, but because of what you've done! =D yay :)
Thank you for teaching me what it is to give and be thoughtful on people. In the past, doing projects could be a nightmare as i lose patience with people who don't seem to meet my standard. Yet, this semester, as i learn more and more from you, how you were always there for people, yet so cool, calm and collected in times of adversity, made me want to learn from you. This month the message for me seems to be the words from the song from hillsong, - "i know i'm filled to be emptied again". that you gave me the patience to deal with people, only to fill me up with love everytime i give it away. thank you daddy <3
It seemed to culminate today, when crunch time happened. project presentation tmr and X didnt seem to understand the essence of the flow. I thought about getting annoyed, yet somehow, effortlessly, i thought that it would not be efficient. something prompted me to change my attitude to make that session fruitful, to lift pple up rather than put pple down. it felt peaceful, that you were here with me. Thank you for bringing me another friend, who thought me so much about how to talk to people and work with almost anyone, that spirit of kindness and understanding just goes beyond any doubt. that to talk to someone sometimes just doesn't require a solution, but to parry and parrot it. it is something so priceless :)
yet all the time you made me aware of these. Not because of who i am, but because of who you are; Not because of what i am, but because of what you've done! =D yay :)
Sunday, February 20, 2011
It's been a long time since I was at Sentosa beach. I'd say, 2 years?
Almost drove out of lane while looking at the huge building structures, including the RWS hotels and the rollercoaster rides. Thankfully the taxi driver behind me didn't high-beam me for driving so slowly while i gaze at the scenery oops.
It's deceiving how it appears so cloudy yet I'm sunburnt. Put alot of sunblock on my forehead and behind my neck, not much on the area below my eyes and none on my back. There, sunburnt on my nose, cheek and back. As red as lobster. Still - nice redness. I missed the healthy looking tan on me i had since US, which turned into light brown-beige as I stayed out of the sun for a while. I don't know if i would rather increase my risk of getting skin cancer and be tan, or stay out of the sun and be beige-brown. I think I'd rather get skin cancer. (shrugs*). BUT we're born to be able to withstand sunlight, so my argument is I can still get the best of both worlds - tan yet healthy :) oh who cares...
volleyball, captain's ball, frisbee, soccer, gladiator, burying in the sand. oh just spending the day out in the sun without thinking of all the work back at school is satisfying enough.
Almost drove out of lane while looking at the huge building structures, including the RWS hotels and the rollercoaster rides. Thankfully the taxi driver behind me didn't high-beam me for driving so slowly while i gaze at the scenery oops.
It's deceiving how it appears so cloudy yet I'm sunburnt. Put alot of sunblock on my forehead and behind my neck, not much on the area below my eyes and none on my back. There, sunburnt on my nose, cheek and back. As red as lobster. Still - nice redness. I missed the healthy looking tan on me i had since US, which turned into light brown-beige as I stayed out of the sun for a while. I don't know if i would rather increase my risk of getting skin cancer and be tan, or stay out of the sun and be beige-brown. I think I'd rather get skin cancer. (shrugs*). BUT we're born to be able to withstand sunlight, so my argument is I can still get the best of both worlds - tan yet healthy :) oh who cares...
volleyball, captain's ball, frisbee, soccer, gladiator, burying in the sand. oh just spending the day out in the sun without thinking of all the work back at school is satisfying enough.
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