Stillness in the Midst of Storm, Peace in the Midst of Trial ...

For some period I have been able to deal with the issue of confidence. I always had a problem with confidence and in my last few years of tertiary education, I have been able to address this and have improved by my own standards. This is a good thing and should not be mistaken as being proud.

As of late, all that I have done to work towards the betterment of my confidence have been threatened. At work, I am surrounded some that have pride as high as Mount Kinabalu (highest mountain in South East Asia). The effort that I put into my work has been the best that I can produce and yet it was dismissed as "sloppy". Not only that, I have been subject to a leader with unclear directions. This didn't make my learning experience in this new company any better. I struggle to find a footing in performing at a level that is my best.

Just today was I being commented of being "sloppy" even when the job was not mine. The weird thing is the leader should have reviewed the work. However, the leader already approved my work but when it went to a higher level, it was shot down. Somehow, being a junior I thought that I had some room to learn from my seniors. Apparently, my leader (a senior) didn't seem to be of much help.

I struggle with the thought of having produce a "sloppy" job. I realise I need to step up and stop depending on my leader and take the initiative to seek "perfection" in my work.

Another senior (also a fellow brother in Christ), gave me a good feedback and since then I am convince that I should face such remarks with determination to rise above it. I shouldn't be discourage because God has put me here for a reason and I ought to do my best not because of gaining men's favour but His favour.

This experience also convicted me of the importance for a leader to have a vision. Without vision and leadership, the followers would be scattered and walking without a guide. The following illustration speaks of the importance of having a vision:

"There was this motivator that was addressing a group of students about to sit for their important O-level equivalent exams. The motivator wanted to demonstrate the importance of having a vision/goal in life. To illustrate his point, he called a male audience to the stage. He instructed the male student to throw a soft ball that the he handed to the student. The male student threw the soft ball upwards.

The motivator thanked the student and invited another student up. This time it was a female student. He instructed the female student to throw the ball forwards, towards the audience. The female student threw it as hard as she could till it reached the audiences facing the stage. The motivator thanked the female student for her cooperation."

In this short narrative, a few things stand out in describing the importance of having a goal or vision.

1.) By having a goal/vision, one can achieve further. In the narrative earlier, the female student threw the ball much further than the male student because she knew where she is to throw it.

2.) By having a goal/vision, one is focused on a direction leading to the goal/vision. The female student had a direction to throw to. I imagined that if I were the male student and was asked to just throw the ball, I would be wondering where to throw the ball. I might just throw the ball in the opposite direction!

3.) By having a goal/vision, one would strategise to achieve the goal. There are several way of throwing the ball. The male student threw the ball upwards and we know this method of throwing won't achieve a good distance to the throw. I wouldn't blame the lad though, he doesn't know where he is to throw to. The female threw the ball in a baseball manner and that is the best way to achieve a good distance for the throw.

With this in mind, I am reminded that I ought to renew my vision and goal. I need to convince myself that I am here for a reason. God has put me here to impact and make a difference. With that as my goal and vision, God willing, I would be able to perform at my optimal level ....

Momentarily Trapped in LRT ...

LRT - Light Rail Transit, equivalent to London's Underground

It was like any usual day. Arrived at the Kelana Jaya train station, when the train arrived, I got on it, got a seat and read my book, "The Heavenly Man". It was a really good time reading since the journey down to Ampang Park station (the stations closest to my office) in Kuala Lumpur.

As we were arriving Dang Wangi station (4 stations from Ampang Park) I heard a loud bang. It was as if something hit the side of the train. All of a sudden the train stopped and the lights in the train went off. The train was in darkness. The Dang Wangi station was situated underground so we were already in the tunnel but not yet at the station. We were basically stuck!

Initially, I thought it would be one of those problems where it would be ok in awhile. After 5 minutes, I was starting to get restless. The other passengers were too. Then a voice over the PA system announced that there were problem with the power grids and would take awhile. So I got back to my book and attempted to finish the last 2 lines of the chapter. The train was still not moving after i finish that chapter. As I was putting my book away, the same voice came on to the PA again. This time we were told that there were some problems and we needed to get off the train and walk to the station through the tunnel! We were told to disembark the train slowly and orderly through the front door.

We had to wait for awhile before anyone got off the train. It was pretty pack and I was at the back carriage. Then I heard a lady saying "Can somebody use the intercom and tell the guy that the door is not open". The lady sounded aggitated. She said another thing which got me annoyed. She said "Come on Malaysians we don't want to be stuck do we?" The tone in her voice was the disappointment for Malaysians....and that irked me a whole lot (I will discuss this issue in my next blog). I was so tempted to yell back "Can we exercise some patience please! and DO NOT generalise on nationality please!". From the accent, I was pretty sure the lady was Malaysian. Very very shortly after she said that, the line moved....If I were her I would be embarrass.

Anyway, when i got to the door of the train, I stepped down and found myself walking through the tunnel fo Dang Wangi station. It really felt as though I was Slyvester Stylone in Daylight. Although that movie was about being stuck in a tunnel with highway, it felt the same. We were in enclosed area. So i made my way by the tracks to the station about 30-50 metres away.

I got there and decided to see when the next train would arrive. The operators didn't know. I didn't want to take the chance so i went out of the station and saw a Metrobus coming by. I thought to myself, I haven't been on this bus since ages ago! It brought back nostalgic memories of the past when I used to take the bus to college, KL or other places.

I got to the bus stop near my office but I was already late for work but my leader already knew about it through my phone call to him. By the time i got to office, I was already drenched in sweat. It was a pretty interesting day indeed.

I hope that tomorrow would not be the same!!

Story of Grandad

(Story I wrote while in the midst of something)

Kong kong (Chinese slang for grandpa) used to run a sundry shop selling all sorts of sundry goods. Everyone remembered him as a great man. He had integrity, compassion, love and generosity. Ask anyone of his family members, they would say he is truly one of a kind. This was before the second World War.

After the second World War, Kong kong was never the same again. Torn and grieved by the torture and cruelty of the Japanese towards him, he became cold and cautious. In him there were no love, no joy and most of all there was no life in him. The hate in him was so great that it left him with all sorts of sicknesses. Kong kong was diagnose with mild Alzheimer’s disease.

Despite kong kong’s cold ways, A (his grandson that cared for him the most) visits him often as A and his parents lived just next door. Everyday after school, A frequents kong kong’s place to bring food and to talk to him and to also help clean kong kong’s place.

As time went on kong kong’s heart began to soften towards A. He would tell stories of how he was tormented during the Japanese occupation. It was quite amazing how kong kong could still remember what had happened to him despite being diagnose with Alzheimer. A would listen intently and his facial expressions showed he was very much into the stories as he hears kong kong’s grueling experiences and at times he would cry together with kong kong. Kong kong repeated the same stories over and over each time A visits him. A could only listen and feel sorry for his beloved kong kong. A encourages his kong kong to let go and focus on the bright side of things like God’s gift to him, a grandson that cared named A.

One day, as A returned from school, he went home to collect food his mom had prepared for kong kong. He went over and called out “Kong kong I brought food for you!”. There was no reply. A saw the front door was left ajar. He opened the door and called out “kong kong?”. By this time A’s heart began to beat faster. All sorts of thoughts flooded his mind; “Did something terrible happen to kong kong?” he thought. “Did a burglar break in to the house?”. A quickens his pace to the living room to find it empty, he rushed to kong kong’s room. The door was also left ajar. He pushed it open and saw kong kong sitting on his bed, the expression on his face was not usual. A was glad to see his kong kong all right. A told kong kong he brought him his favourite food for lunch. Kong kong turns his head to look at A, stood up with the help of his walking stick on one hand. He walks towards A. There was bitterness in his eyes. A tried not to take any notice. “Look I brought some really nice food”, A said as he takes the container out of the plastic bag. Kong kong raises his free hand in anger and slaps the container from A’s hand. He then raises his hand and slaps A forcefully. A could feel his cheek swelling as tears ran down his cheek. “Why are you nice to me!!! Have you got motives behind all this??!! You are as cruel as the Japanese!!! GET OUT!!”. A could not contain his sadness. He turned towards the door and walked out the door slowly while his eyes was fixed to the floor and the sound of kong kong’s yelling in the background.

Diplomacy = Professionalism?

Up until end of last month, I always had the perception that handling a situation with diplomacy often reflects someone's professionalism.

However, after an incident I realise that diplomacy in itself wasn't a good enough trait for being professional.

I was trying hard to find the right words to handle the situation tactfully. In my "diplomatic" sense, I was trying frantically to provide a neutral and non-confrontational answer and opinions. The whole concept backfired. No only did I successfully confused the person because of contradictory statements but I also managed to end the whole conversation awkwardly.

I began to ponder on the the issue at hand. I was somewhat disturbed that my message did not get across and that the recipient was disappointed because of the message not getting across.

Two nights later, something struck me in the head. It was the conventional and an old advise parents and teachers would advise their children and students. Tell the truth!

Then another thought struck me. Is diplomacy a trait for professionalism? I pondered long and hard. If it were how come my actions were not making the right impact? Based on the principle of telling the truth I realise that diplomacy itself is not enough. I think one of the greatest trait of professionalism is the ability to present the truth in a
diplomatic manner. What's the use of telling a lie in a diplomatic manner?

Since then my equation has changed:

Diplomatic Truth = Professionalism


(Posted this somewhere else before this blog was up. It was posted on 10 July 2004)

Cina Pek in the City

I hear my boss mentioning the word "professional" quite a number of times lately. At first, I thought the idea was neat because even the word gave some sense of awe. But as I continue to work under my new boss I realise there were somethings that were not so professional about her.

What is professionalism? I ask myself. Instead of looking for the definition of professionalism, I thought of Cinaman (in this blog, I will just name it Cina Pek) as the opposite of professionalism.

So I began thinking what is it that makes us brand an owner of a business as being very Cina Pek in his dealings and management.

I realise that one of the traits of Cina Pek phenomenon is dictatorship. They hold the power and the power is solely possessed by the owner.

On top of that they believe that good and productive employees are those that don't say "No', "Can't". They only think that workers should be obedient and that is considered a smart worker.

Thirdly, they expect workers to work as the janitor, cashier, supervisor etc. Bottomline.....Pao Ka Liao.

Lastly, empowerment is a major issue. We often hear boss saying "You have to think for and make decisions" but often suggestions are shot down the instance they come out from the employees mouth. Again the owner/boss has the final say.

Thinking that KL would be a city filled with professionals only to be proven that actually these so-called professionals are "Cina Pek" covered in suits, ties and pants. Underneath is still that pagoda singlet and shorts.

by Hopzta Bradshaw

(Posted this before this blog was up. Posted on 9 July 2004)

Tyranny of the Urgent - Charles E. Hummel

I was struggling in finding the meaning of priority. The issue came about when I was constantly told to prioritise. I felt that the person telling me to prioritise based it on the closer the task is to the dateline. Inside I felt that is not quite right. I think there is a clear distinction between the urgent and the important.

Charles Hummel echoes this thought very clearly. Often times, the important are usually task that do not require instant response while the urgent (not necessarily important) are required now or tomorrow. We are so driven by the urgency of the matter (because its closer to dateline) that alot of things are compromised along the way. It's a vicious cycle. It's one urgent task after the other and it never stops, it's like a crazy rat race and the contestant is never ahead of the game.

Priority? I think my "friend" here may have gotten priorities defined wrongly.

(This was written before i got this blog up. I wrote this on 12 July 2004)