I've heard some things and I've seen some things myself.
I think its time for me to fully let go.

Although I have not made you exactly feel loved during these 4 months, thank you for the wonderful joy and love you have brought to me. All the cafe hunting for nice desserts - though i only do it because you wanted to, but i gradually fell in love with some of the places you bring me to. The new places that I have never even heard of or would never go by myself. It's just regretful that we did not make it for our staycation. Although I said I don't feel as happy when I was with you, but thinking back, it was really quite a nice and enjoyable time for me. I just did not appreciate it.

Thank you for teaching me so many new things. The comfortable zone that I am stuck with - you have opened them up, taught me and showed me many new things I would have never imagined myself learning or explore into. Thank you for being so accommodating towards me. Staying by my side and watching me play MJ even though i know you feel bored. Not talking on the phone with me because you know I don't really like. Walking and shopping with me for new clothes. Thank you for always praising me and assuring me that I am looking good even though i have doubts on myself sometimes. Thank you for the bottle of sweets and cookies that you have prepared for me. Thank you for the card that you made for me for our 1st month. Thank you for coming to my house and whip up a meal for me on our 1st month. Thank you for praying for my shipment to go smoothly when I made a mistake that time and it did work. Thank you for helping me to filter out my clothes and telling me which is nice. Thank you for bringing me to kite flying. Thank you for accommodating by not meeting me on weekdays because you know i prefer me-alone time or meeting my other friends and many many others that i can't think of off hand.

Sorry for not being able to deliver the things i should as a bf. Sorry for not making good of my promises to you. I've said before that a bf should at least eat dinner with your family once a week. I did not even meet your parents during this period. I've said that a couple should mingle with each other group of friends. But i failed to do so after one time. Sorry for always rejecting you when you want to take pictures with me - and I realize now we don't have much pictures tog :( Sorry for not writing at least one love letter to you, something i know you really want. Sorry for not buying you flowers even once. Sorry that I haven't said "I love you" for a long long time. Sorry that sometimes that when you text me too much, i find it bothersome. Sorry that when you call me everytime, i always never really talk properly with you. Sorry for finding you clumsy when you tried to dye my hair for me and dirtying my shorts. Sorry that I have never once praised that you were pretty. Sorry for finding you childish at times cuz you are so into Hello Kitty. Sorry that sometimes I didn't want you to meet some of my friends cuz I feel that you wouldn't mix with them with you being so quiet and I don't know how to react. Sorry for not being compromising on my end. Sorry for making you feel unloved, hurt, upset and cry all these while. - I know I'm too demanding and having too high expectations of my partner and I know its time for me to really change and be more realistic. Like what you said, you choose the person and you love that person.

I've heard this 2 songs recently and they totally reflect my emotions and feelings when I cannot express it myself. It just seems so apt. Goodbye - Air Supply and When I Was Your Man - Bruno Mars. But I don't dare to listen to it too often because it invokes too much emotions in me and I'm afraid I will start to tear.

Recently, looking at you from afar and when you smile, you looked really pretty. So sweet looking. Please continue with your smile. And please stop saying you are fat cuz you really aren't. You don't have fat thighs and you have really beautiful long legs. Just a flabby tummy, thats all :p

You are really a nice girl. I know i'll probably not be able to find someone that is as nice and accommodating to me in future. You don't have to see my blog anymore. I will not be posting anymore things here. This would be my last post and I'm dedicating it to you. You deserve to move on and find someone better than me. Likewise, I hope this is a post you will keep to yourself and to no one else.

Goodbye my dear...
Blogged @ 11:52 PM
Don't let me go -

Its such an irony..

I always thought i have many close friends. But when i needed someone to lend a shoulder to cry on, i couldn't find any. Serene ended work late,and i didn't want to disturb her rest. I cant let go of myself and cry in front of Roger either. I scrolled down my phone book, wanting to look for someone but it just seems so hard...

I didn't expect this to hit me so hard. Probably because i still see you everyday. Some days i'm ok. On other days, it got so bad that i just need to take a breather somewhere. Sitting alongside Boat Quay alone looking at the river made me feel slightly better. Sometimes, things got so bad that i feel i'm like i'm going to suffer from a nervous breakdown.

Wanted to text you, but i know you wouldn't reply. Wanted to call you but i wont know what to say to you and you probably wont pick up. Wanted to look for you at your house but i don't know what is the purpose of me doing that. Friends started to scold me for harboring the thought of quitting just because of this. They are not wrong. But i feel that they don't understand the agony of going to office everyday, without motivation and dreading it.

Seems like you are feeling much better this week which is really good for you. Hope you can get back your chirpy smile soon :)
Blogged @ 11:38 PM
Don't let me go -

So many questions on my mind.. How have you been? When will we be able to start talking? Or will we ever? Are you still very upset or angry with me? How long will this last? Am I going to still feel as upset 3-4 months down the road? Should I quit to go back SR just to avoid the awkwardness? (I know its stupid to entertain this thought). It just seems that life in Chevron is just another working place for me. I don't like going to work now. I dread it. Even more so now. I asked him to take care of you and cheer you up, and i know he is probably doing a good job. But i guess, i still don't really like him though i know he is probably the only one at work that can make you feel slightly better now. I was feeling really shitty last friday and sat. Everywhere or everything i do just seems to link back to you and i just couldn't keep it all to myself.

Hope you are not starving yourself and you're feeling better as the day passes. No one knows what will happen in future but I just hope you'll be happy. These days, I'll just think about your silly smile with your wide grin and gap tooth and i hope its something you'll always have. You'll always be that someone special to me.
Blogged @ 10:23 AM
Don't let me go -