Sleepy Town

Sometimes he just needs a little assistance...

Anxiety & Angels

Upon looking at the sidebar of other friends blogs, I noticed its been a good three weeks since I updated. My theory that something is wrong when people don't update their blog in a while is indeed correct in this case. I'll just be honest.

I am a mother and I have no idea what I'm doing.

If you had told me the following before delivery, I would never have believed:

- I would be falling asleep to Mozart lullabies...and keeping it on full blast until morning to avoid the chance of waking him up
- I could be more sleep deprived than during pregnancy. Turns out the combination of little sleep and the stress of sustaining a little life takes more of a toll than excruciating back pain and no sleep
- Taking a family picture could get any more complicated
- I can leave the front door with socks and shoes on him only to have them disappear by the time we reach the car door only 10 feet away
- I would ever forget whether I got around to brushing my teeth (Vile, I know...)
- My sink could and would overflow with dirty dishes
- I can do 2 loads of laundry daily without ever catching up
- The anxiety of leaving the house to run even the smallest errand is enough to send me to a mental institute
- My usual 3+ meals a day would quickly dwindle down to maybe 1, typically consumed sometime after 2pm
- All my basic needs would become secondary and ALL my thoughts would revolve around the hunger status of my child

I'm just bad at this. I'm trying as hard as I can, but am completely overwhelmed with what to do. I hear conflicting advice on absolutely everything. I read literature on both sides, and while I understand each side, I cant manage to formulate my own plan of action. I wanted to blame it on the anaesthesia, but its been a month and I still cant think straight. I can't remember anything I'm told, requiring Hank to come everywhere with me...which he is really starting to resent.

Given my awkward/frazzled state, I must say I am so grateful for the angels that have ignored my saying "we're great" and offered service.

Like the sweet neighbor (I've briefly met once) who brought over homemade chicken soup. Or the other neighbor who brought homemade bread. Or the other sick neighbor who notified the RS to bring meals (because she couldn't) from a ward we only attended once, resulting in a week of delicious meals. Or the fabulous family member who comes once a week to take care of me and deliver an incredible dinner.

I never could have anticipated what a change having a mini-Hank would be. Even though I'm shocked by my inability to get things done, I am so grateful for the little addition in our lives. I can't get enough of him!

I'm Back!

I've very grateful to report that over the last week or so, I have been slowly returning to my normal self. A few times a day, Hank breaks into song with lyrics consisting of "welcome back, welcome back!"

A few items that are currently bringing much joy:

- the return of my ankles
- the ability to bend over
- getting in and out of the car proving easier with a c-section incision than with a belly
- dwindling aversion to hamburgers and fries (Hank appreciates this...)
- the feeling of cold
- the opposite of nesting...this house is a wreck and I just don't care

My greatest source, however, comes in the form of the screaming little bundle of joy next to me. Here are some pictures of baby Kellen, a special thanks to Chaddie and no thanks to me, since I haven't taken my camera out once. I have a whole new appreciation for why it takes new mothers so long to post pictures.















I love this little boy more than anything in the world. Every time I signed onto my blog to start a post, I revisited Hank's post and became a blubbery mess.(I would like to permanently block out all the memories surrounding the surgery and delivery.) I am just so grateful he made it here safely and am overwhelmed with gratitude when I think about it...he is a perfect little addition to our family.