Europe! Day 1 - Travel to Paris CDG

For our 20th anniversary and to celebrate my graduation, D and I have been planning a trip to Europe. This is something we have wanted to do for years, I don't know why we didn't do it sooner!

Day 1 was travel. We left from DTW to CDG in the evening (after a couple of delays, we finally got off the ground!)

One funny thing about the flight is that while we were getting on, there was a man getting off. Apparently, they put him on the wrong flight! He was wanting to go to Ft. Lauderdale, not Paris. That would have been an interesting detour to say the least!

Other than that, it was pretty uneventful. We both tried to sleep, and both failed at that other than a few minutes here and there. I don't love this part of traveling, but it was okay. The line at customs in Paris was very long, took us quite a while. We took the RER train into Paris and then had to walk to the Paris East station (about a 10-minute walk) to store our luggage for the day. This is where the real trip began - so we will call from here on Day 2!

Wow! Updates!

It has been more than 5 years since I last posted, and we desperately need an update because SO MUCH AS CHANGED!

Even though I don't blog anymore - here or elsewhere - it is very fun to go back and look at things!

Here are our updates: (I don't remember anyone's nicknames so I'll just use initials)

D was released as bishop a couple of months ago. It's been a good couple of months! :) He also recently got certified as a play therapist, which is surprisingly a lot of work and has taken several years to accomplish. Way to go! We recently celebrated our 20th anniversary and will celebrate with a trip to Europe soon!

A (as in me) is finishing grad school a month from today! Funny because my last post I was talking about whether or not to even apply. I'm so glad I did. I will have an MSW - it's almost in the bag as we speak. One more big paper to write, a learning agreement to complete, and 15 hours more of interning and it's done! Now to find a job, woot!

M has probably had the biggest changes in the last 5 years. She graduated from high school and is nearing the end of her freshman year at BYU. She's done really well and has adjusted easily and matured. She has been called to serve as a full-time missionary for the LDS church and leaves in a couple of months. She is going to Barbados and will speak French, which is a language that she loves. When she returns home, she'll have just 2 years left at BYU (I guess that really makes her a sophomore this year by credit) and then she's planning on grad school. But we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. We are really proud of her! She's doing great!

E is a junior this year, so hard to believe. She recently got back from a trip to France with the French teachers. She's a great student and on the tennis team. She's driving, dating, all the fun stuff.

A is a freshman and that is even more hard to believe! She too is doing well, speaking Spanish and loving it. She loves animals, they are her passion.

And other A, as in Ava the dog. We've had Ava now for more than a year and a half. She is a lot of fun but still very puppy!!

Blogging for the sake of blogging

Nothing new to say, really. I just feel like I should blog so I'll write a few random thoughts.

Sis had a big birthday! I can't believe how much she is growing up in every way. She's as tall as me now, if not a little taller (not saying much, but still). I can see her maturing as she has tackled a few hard things lately with friends and situations that are difficult. She is wise beyond her years. I also see her gaining a confidence recently that I am really glad to see. As her mom, I always did see a diamond in the rough there, and I'm glad she is starting to see it too. Happy birthday, Sis!

We are adjusting to our new life as far as church assignments go. Dee's new calling precipitated a change for me as well - I replaced him as ward choir accompanist. While I'm nowhere near his level of polish, I do enjoy it and honestly I never really felt like I was doing the ward choir director calling justice. I do miss it, though. Best of all, I also have the 'best calling in the church' according to many people (and I concur) - Primary pianist! I have done it several times before and was more than happy to step back in. It's a calling that doesn't take me a lot of time to prepare but brings a lot of fulfillment as I get to return to Primary where things are simple and faith building without having to prepare sharing time as a member of the presidency or put on a song and dance routine as chorister (which is also a totally fun calling but probably also the hardest calling I've ever had...twice).

My mind ponders on many things but I am not really sure how to put them into words. Sometimes they sound negative and judgmental in my head so I can only imagine how they would sound coming out into print. Thus, I will keep them to myself. :)

In other news, the application deadline for grad school came and went and I did not apply. It just didn't feel right financially for us right now. I'd like to get a little more of the debt tossed before I feel comfortable parting with any income. I would also like to have a stronger application - this felt kind of thrown together. Dee thinks I would get in even with a weak application, but I just want to do a better job with it. I would like to do some volunteer work over the next while and see if I can get a letter of recommendation from that. I felt like I was asking people to write letters in my behalf when they really don't know me well or what I am capable of or not. I'm sure they would have made them sound good, but I wouldn't be sure it was an accurate reflection of me, so I just feel more comfortable waiting. And yes, I know my mom is upset about this and thinks I'll never really do. I feel that I will. I just need to do it under the right circumstances. No rush now, right? Once you are in your 40s you are in the old lady crowd anyway, so now or later it won't really matter!

The kids are all well. Grades are good, talents are developing, lessons are learned. Nothing else really to report.

Thoughts

Last Sunday, Dee was sustained and set apart as bishop of our ward. The day after he was called (but not to be sustained for several weeks), I sat down and wrote this. I hesitated to post it, but it does describe my feelings very early on and I want to preserve that, so here it is.

When the stake president issued the calling, he said, "tell me you're not surprised." And we both responded that we were totally surprised. Even on the way to the appointment I had asked him if he felt this is what it could be, and he said he really didn't think so. I didn't think so either.

But, let me back up. There is some history here.

About a year ago, maybe a little more, I had a couple of impressions about this. One was when I was sitting in Sunday School next to him. I don't know what sparked it, but I suddenly just had a bit of a "prepare" nudge. At the time, I took it more as a sign to devote more attention to our marriage. It wasn't specific to any calling, just a general thought that came to my mind that I should be there for him more and be more supportive.

Not too long after this (maybe before, not sure of the timeline) I had a vivid dream where he was called to be bishop, which was weird because I knew our bishop had only been in around 4 years. For about a week, the thought just kept coming to my mind that he would be called, and I couldn't understand why. I told him about it, and a few other people as well. Later, I found out that the bishop had been considering a move at that time. Then, the feelings just went away and I haven't really had them since.

As our bishop's 5-year mark (the unwritten "time" a bishop normally serves) approached, I asked Dee if he thought he might possibly be called. He said no, and we started talking about men in our ward who would do such a good job - and it's true, there are MANY who could do it and who we really thought WOULD be doing it.

Even at tithing settlement I got a little hint from the bishop that our bishopric might be changing at ward conference (which had to do with the choir number, not because he knew my husband was going to be called). I asked Dee, "Do you really think they would change the bishopric at ward conference? Seems like a lot to do in one day." We sort of left it there.

I think it was just last Thursday that I told Dee that I was really feeling the pull to move. I want to be closer to my family, and I feel like it's now or never as far as the kids go. Once they are in high school (which Sis will be next year - WHAT?) I don't really want to move them. Dee told me then that he wasn't really feeling that, and he likes it here and is fine staying. I told him I like it here too, I just wish it were about 20 hours closer to home. This is the first he told me he wanted to stay. That should have been my first sign. :)

When Dee told me he had an appointment on Sunday morning with the stake president, I had a little bit of a "things that make you go hmmm" moment. I knew it wouldn't be too long before we got a new bishop, but I was thinking more spring time. I knew the calling wasn't for me. I wondered about high council or something, but really wasn't sure.

I asked him if he thought it could be bishop. Nah, he said. There are so many others who could do it.

Yep, so many others who could - but only one who will be asked to.

So, the morning of, there were still no feelings about it. We got in the car to go to the appointment and I asked him if he was nervous. "A little bit," he said. 

While we waited at the office, I held his hand and asked again how he was doing. "Okay," he said. (He is a man of many words.)

Dee was called in and asked if he was worthy for a temple recommend. It took just a couple of minutes while I waited with the girls. Then, the stake president called me in. As I walked in the room, Dee looked pretty nervous. The stake president was explaining to the kids that he would be meeting with us for awhile, so while he was talking to them I asked Dee if he had been called to anything and he said no, but said, "there's a letter on the desk on church letterhead"...and I think that's when he had a good hunch.

After that is kind of a blur. We were probably 2 minutes into visiting when the calling was issued. He said that he hasn't been able to look at Dee in the last year without knowing that he should be the next bishop. That might explain why I had these feelings a year ago but not especially recently.

After all that was out on the table, they talked logistics a bit. We decided not to tell our kids, because we have one who would definitely let the ward know before it was time, in this kind of way: (to her Primary class) "My dad's getting a new calling, but it's not bishop." This is just her way.

So, the plan now is to tell them probably the night before. It's gonna be a LOOOONG month.

Now that I've covered the story, how do I feel about it? Well,  here are some words that come to mind: Scared, humbled, excited, overwhelmed, anxious...there are a whole lot of others as well.

I don't worry about the time so much. He's been in 3 bishoprics before and ward clerk as well, so I know a bit about the meetings. He's also a temple worker (which he will  not be able to do now) and that takes up his entire Wednesday nights anyway right now. He's always been busy in the church and traveled with his work and other things. He's busy, has always been busy, and will be even busier now. I'm okay with that, because as a great balance to his time commitments, I am very independent and always have been. Sometimes that's not a great thing because it might be nice to "need" him more perhaps, but I am pretty used to being busy myself and keeping things running. We will be okay there.

These are the things I worry about:

-The burden of helping people carry their sorrows, sins, and grief. I know bishops carry it and can feel pretty alone a lot of the time because they can't talk about it with almost anyone. I know there are blessings as well, but I just think overall this is the hardest calling in the church that way.

-My husband's fears of his inadequacies. We all have them, certainly, but I'm sure as a bishop you feel like they are under a microscope. I know there have been times when I've been critical of my bishops, and I know there are people who will be critical of my husband. Some of them might even be my friends. That will be hard. It's also why I gave him some great advice regarding counselors (if I do say so myself). I told him he needs to take the names of people he's seriously considering and write down what he sees to be their strengths and try to find people who will help in areas where he is weak.

-Being the bishop's wife. I have always had a questioning mind. I suppose the Lord knew this about me when he called my husband, so He's okay with me being in this position, but sometimes I doubt myself. My faith is nowhere near as strong as my husband's is. When we talk about some of my questions, he always feels really secure in his answers when I don't so much. I just hope that I don't bring him any added criticism or grief, because I know he really wants to just do a good job.

-Sometimes I worry that because he's a therapist professionally  people might think, "oh yay, free counseling!" and I think it might be hard for him to have that boundary of wanting to help people and being taken advantage of. That's something we've talked about. He knows he needs to have parameters and I'm sure he'll figure it out. He's certainly not the first therapist who has been in this position and they've found a way and he will too. I do worry about it sometimes though. I don't want him to feel that his entire life has to be just about helping people in a therapeutic sense.

For now, I guess that's about it. I just want to end by saying that in the last several months I have really felt that we needed to strengthen our marriage. We have made efforts to do that I think he would also say that we feel closer to each other than we have in a long time. This is good, because a few months ago this calling might have been really, really hard on us as a couple. Now, I think we are in it together more and understanding of what the other person needs. We are communicating better, and we're going to need that in the next several years.

I guess this means my pull to move will be stopped for awhile. We're here and I know he's excited to serve. He'll do his best, and that's all that can be asked, right?

15 years!

Hard to believe it has really been 15 years since the day this photo was taken!

In fact, today is a double anniversary for me, and this is a big year. Twenty years ago today I entered the MTC. As I have seen more and more of my friends and family, especially sisters, getting ready to serve missions since the change in age was announced, and as I've approached the 20-year anniversary of when I went myself, my mind has been on this a lot and how grateful I am that I had that experience. It enriched my life in so many ways!

This is a photo from one of the sister's conferences while I was there. I think there are a couple of notable things about this picture. First, that I am not the shortest person. Second, that I am the only one wearing a knee-length skirt. Rebellious even then, haha!

So, back to the real reason for the day, the wedding anniversary. Like every marriage, there have been ups and downs. The last few years have been so busy that sometimes it felt like we were distant, and that bothered me (just being honest here). Starting about a year ago, I really started to feel that I needed to do some things to make our marriage stronger. One of those things was date night. This is something we've never been super great at. Between work schedules, lack of a babysitter, and lack of money, for many years our date nights were more like once a year rather than once a week. I wanted that to change.

I was finally able to clear Friday nights once I got a new job, and for the last couple of months we have been able to go out nearly every Friday night. Our kids are old enough now to be home alone. It's been a really good thing for us to do. We have become friends again and that's really important to me. Usually our dates are very simple and cheap, but they are always looked forward to and enjoyed. We have grown a lot closer to each other recently and for that I am extremely grateful. All in all, lots of gratitude today for the joy in the journey. 

Stop the train I want to get off!

It has been so long since I really posted, thought I'd better do a quick update. Perhaps over the holidays I will have time to do other things with the blog such as put photos of my kids on that are more recent than like 5 years old! Then again, I really enjoy looking at them at those ages, so maybe I'll leave them.

Since I last wrote, there have been a lot of changes in life. I got a new job doing payroll at the school district and I really enjoy it. I still do transcription as well - 20 hours of each - but it's a much better work-life balance for me, not so many late nights, and no more Friday nights or Sunday shifts. That's really been a blessing. For a time there, I thought I might really go insane.

As a part of this change, I've also really been focusing on strengthening my marriage. It's been good to date again (we have a standing Friday night date now) and in the last month we've probably spent more time with each other than we have in the last year combined. It's been really good.

Dee also started teaching piano lessons again. I remember when we were dating he told me that no matter what else he was doing in life, he wanted to teach at least a few lessons, but as life and multiple jobs and callings have happened he's not been able to keep with that. He recently decided that he could fit it in and has picked up 5 students. I think that's about the right number for him. I hope that he'll be able to keep up with it, because I think it secretly makes him happy.

The kids are doing great. Report cards came and went and those brought smiles. Lou started in band (she's playing the flute) and is enjoying that. Sis performed in church on the bells for a Christmas song, and she did a great job! She was nervous, but she hung in there and helped make a beautiful number even more so. I was proud of her for that.

We also briefly contemplated becoming foster parents. In the end, there were just too many things that didn't fit for us right now. Our house would need some major changes in order to have more than 1 child (we'd like to be open to a sibling group), and more than anything we are both a little worried about false accusations - especially if we get older children - because those accusations could end our livelihood...like for real. Both of us work in fields where we need to have an absolutely spotless record. It was just too scary to think about that.

I am still open to adopting, but Dee doesn't really feel a void there (I can't say I really feel a void in our family either, I just want to help kids if I can). I think I just need to find a way to help in other ways. Maybe become a CASA volunteer or something, or even do respite care for foster care, or maybe the answer is just finally going back to school to become the counselor that I want to be and helping kids that way.

Speaking of which, Dee has me about talked into getting a degree in social work rather than guidance counseling. It's just a much more versatile degree, which I could use for guidance counseling, or something else if I want to. So, I am looking at programs right now. I would really like to start next fall. I guess my big hang-up has just been money. I can't afford to pay tuition right now, or stop working for that matter. So I need a program that is practical and flexible and also I need to take that leap to deciding I am ready to take on student loan debt again. Still not sure I'm there yet.

It seems like life moves at breakneck speed. I am trying to catch up. I think that's about it for now. There is more - a lot more, actually, but time is of the essence and now isn't the time. Soon.

Until then.

Family Matters

Short post. Just thinking tonight about how important family is to me.

I talked to my sister for a few hours yesterday. It was really good. We decided that we don't talk frequently enough if we have to talk for a few hours just to catch up (and we talk very frequently on Facebook!) Come to think of it, even if we spoke on the phone every week, it would probably be for a few hours, because that's just how sisters are.

We talked a lot about family drama, hers and mine.

It's really nice to have someone who understands.