30 Failures By Age 30

Author's Summary. Everyone has that birthday. That one day we look in the mirror and ask ourselves: "How did I get here? Is this really the person I intended to be when I grew up? Am I grown up?" Author Katharine Miller presents her own self-assessment in the form of micro-memoir 30 FAILURES BY AGE 30. 30 FAILURES BY AGE 30 is a compelling memoir, conversational in tone with moments both hilarious and heartbreaking. Miller gives voice to the under-represented masses and encourages readers to reconsider the definition of "failure." 30 FAILURES BY AGE 30 resonates with anyone who's ever endured a life crisis or felt like a social misfit. Katharine's 30 Failures include: • Successfully drive a car • Join organized religion • Develop an ample bosom • Learn self-defense • Master the art of small talk The full list can be viewed on her blog. 

  Review.  On the threshold of her 30^th birthday, Katharine Miller decides to celebrate this milestone in a rather unusual fashion; she composes a list of the 30 things she has FAILED to do!  Say what?  That was my response when I first read the title. 

Miller, however, is not Debby Downer and her list is far from depressing.  Miller’s failures include the following: failure to develop an ample bosom (Failure # 3); failure to participate in public nudity (Failure # 9); failure to develop a drug addiction; and failure to run afoul of the law (Failure # 21).  Reading Miller’s essay-memoir reminded me of Jen Lancaster’s humorous tales.  There were many times I had to put the book down because I was laughing so hard.  For instance, under Failure # 6 (Stick to a Fitness Regimen):

The problem is that I like to eat but I do not like to exercise.  This because I am lazy.  If presented with the option of playing frolf (Frisbee golf) in the park or watching a marathon of Welcome Back, Kotter, I’m probably going to choose the Sweathogs over actual sweat.  Lounging on the couch while watching things I’ve seen ten times before is more appealing to me than going out in the fresh air and sunshine and outdoors.  I probably smell like Cheetos.

Still buried beneath the snarky humor are some serious observations such as in Failure # 7 (Failing to Procreate) when Miller discusses the social gulf between women with children and childfree women.

30 Failures By Age 30 would make a perfect 30^th birthday gift or for anyone else who enjoys edgy humor. 

Review based on courtesy copy from the author.

Mr. Funny Pants

Publisher's Summary. I was at my wit's end. I'd had enough of this job, this life, and my relationship had broken up. Should I eat chocolate, or go to India, or fall in love? Then I had a revelation: Why not do all three, in that order? And so it was that I embarked on a journey that was segmented into three parts and was then made into a major motion picture. Later, I woke up on an airplane with a hole in my face and a really bad hangover. I was ushered brusquely off the plane by my parents who took me to a rehab where I tested positive for coke, classic coke, special k (the drug), Special K (the cereal), mushrooms, pepperoni, and Restless Leg Syndrome. It was there that I first began painting with my feet.

But rewind...the year was 1914. I was just a young German soldier serving in the trenches while simultaneously trying to destroy an evil ring with some help from an elf, a troll, and a giant sorcerer, all while cooking every recipe out of a Julia Child cookbook. What I'm trying to say is that there was a secret code hidden in a painting and I was looking for it with this girl who had a tattoo of a dragon! Let me clarify, it was the 1930s and a bunch of us were migrating out of Oklahoma, and I was this teenage wizard/CIA operative, okay? And, um then I floated off into the meta-verse as a ball of invisible energy that had no outer edge...

Ugh, okay. None of this is true. I'm just kind of a normal guy from New Jersey who moved to New York, got into comedy, wrote this book about trying to write this book, and then moved to Alaska, became the mayor of a small town, spent $30,000 on underwear, and now I'm going to rule the world!!!

Review. Writer, comedian, and actor Michael Showalter has written a book, Mr. Funny Pants! And in it he shares everything: the writing process – from initial emails to the epilogue and everything in between; dealing with writer’s block; random autobiographical bits, including, his first memory ever (kicking his uncle in the groin); miscellaneous factoids, such as that status of cats in ancient Egypt; and an interactive game section.

If all this sounds like a weird mish-mash, it is. It is also hysterically funny:

The hardest part about writing a book for me is that I don’t know how I write a book. What’s my process? Do I write in the morning or do I write at night? Do I write nonstop for hours? Or do I take breaks? What do I wear when I write? Am I fully clothed? Or do I write in the buff? The answer to all of these questions is I don’t know because I’ve never written a book before. There are some things I definitely do know. I know for a fact that I like to walk and write at the same time. This is difficult, though, because I have to balance my laptop on one hand while typing with the other. Also my computer battery runs out quickly so I can only work for short intervals before needing to go home to recharge my laptop battery. Or worse, sometimes I’ll abruptly stop walking and then the person behind me bumps into me. This usually leads to an exchange along the lines of, ‘Hey a**, what the f**k?”

Of course, humor is a personal preference and this book is not for everyone. One word of caution, for sensitive readers, there is a fair amount of scatological references and profanity. If however, you find the above passage as funny as I did then Mr. Funny Pants is for you.





Publisher: Grand Central Publishing (February 22, 2011), 288 pages.
Advance review copy provided courtesy of the publisher.

Pun Enchanted Evenings Review & Giveaway (ends August 29th )

Publisher's Summary. * 746 wildly original puns on every subject from Arizona to zealous crusaders!

* 14 ant puns certain to start a new fad!

* Bi-lingual puns in English and Spanish, French, Chinese, Latin, Yiddish!

* The best new moron puns since the Fifties!

* You'll laugh out loud -- guaranteed!

* Plus information on the first scientific studies showing the mental superiority of pun-lovers!

Most of the puns in this Book are fine for children. But a couple of dozen of them are slightly to somewhat off-color: Numbers 18, 20, 55, 66, 102, 103, 164, 210, 216, 269, 334, 354, 376, 470, 488, 540, 555, 572, 578, 588, and 627 in particular. Please consider this before buying this Book for children.


Review. Who doesn’t enjoy a great pun? I know I do. Recently, I had the opportunity to read Pun Enchanted Evenings by David R. Yale. My reading environment was perfect: I was in need of a little mental escape given that I was captive airport dweller waiting for a long delayed flight home. Fortunately, Pun Enchanted Evening did not disappoint and provided me with so many laughs that a few of my fellow stranded travelers queried as to what I was reading.

Pun Enchanted Evenings is a slender book that is filled cover to cover with laugh out loud puns. A few of my favorites include: What do you call a sad dog that loves fruit: A melon collie; What would you call a person who automatically give you advice every time your pet barks? Dogmatic; and What do you call it when your most valuable player takes a bathroom break? A champ peein’!

Pun Enchanted Evenings is a fun way to pass a few solitary hours or equally fun to share as a read out loud book.

Giveaway Rules: Today I am pleased to offer two copies of this delightful book for giveaway.

Entry: Comment with your email address in the body of the comment (you can list it as mary123 (at) yahoo(dot)com). If you do not list your email address your entry will not count.

Extra Entries: Sign up to follow my blog (or let me know that you are a current follower); follow me on twitter (DCMetroreader) and on Facebook (Metroreader). NOTE: These extra entries MUST be left in a separate comment or will not count.

The giveaway is open internationally, but only Canadian and US residents winners will receive a paperback copy; International Winners will receive a coupon for a downloadable electronic version.

You must be 18 years of age or older (this book contains material that may not be appropriate for children).

Giveaway ends August 29th . Good Luck!


Publisher: A Healthy Relationship Press (April 5, 2010), 108 pages.
Review copy provided courtesy of the publisher.

I Has A Hotdog

Publisher's Summary. I HAS A BWAIN!!1! An you thawt we dint! Now Professor Happycat tells you what's in it and, from I HAS A HOTDOG.com and beyond, lets over 200 LOLdogs loose on the world, all barking the truth about kibble, toys, and bad kitties. This collection of favorites and never-before-seen photos will have you barking for more!

For all you hoomins, a LOLdog is a kay-nine picture with a funny, misspelled caption.

Review. Mix two parts cute (adorable doggies) with one part silly (captions of what they’re really thinking) and the result is I Has a Hot Dog by Professor Happy Cat. This hysterical little picture book is just what the doctor ordered for a quick pick-me-up. While perusing this book in public I had to stifle my laughs because they just kept coming!

I Has a Hot Dog is the perfect gift for dog lovers everywhere!



Publisher: Grand Central Publishing; 1 edition (April 20, 2010), 192 pages.
Advance review copy provided courtesy of the publisher.

Obama's Blackberry

Summary: When Obama stated that if elected, he would keep his Blackberry, debate echoed through Washington and among the ranks of the Secret Service. What would it be like to have a president who could Twitter, send text messages, and navigate the web with ease? What would it be like to receive a text message from inside the Oval Office and, most importantly, what would it say?

Now, for the first time, We The People are privy to our new leader's epistolary back-and-forths on his wily hand-held device. We're about to discover that his emails (and the replies, from his wife and daughters, Biden, Palen, Rush, Hannity, the new first puppy, and even Bush) are so tuned in to the language of electronic correspondence they come hilariously close to the brink of legibility.

This giftable, imagined glimpse into Obama's beloved Blackberry traverses the mundane and momentous contours of the Commander in Chief's life, from security briefings to spam, basketball practice to domestic bliss, and the panic of oops-I-hit-reply-all, to, of course, the trauma of dealing with the First Mother In Law.

To wit:

BidenMyTime: Hey U, whatcha doin?
BARACKO: M rly busy
BidenMyTime: Right :( Can I lv at 4:45?

Review: Obama’s Blackberry reads like a one hit wonder in literary form. The original premise is funny in the beginning of the book. However, after constant repetition in slightly different versions the concept becomes extremely tiresome.

Obama’s Blackberry is a humorous take on the messages our Commander in Chief receives on his hard fought for Blackberry. Unfortunately, the humor often falls flat or is stale after the fifth re-telling. For instance, Bill Clinton’s texts to Obama begging that Hillary be sent out of town, so that he can party are very funny the first few times. Sadly, this running gag is repeated several more times.

Humor, however, is a matter of personal taste. While Obama’s Blackberry is not my cup of tea, it is very short (137 pages) and may be worth perusing while you are waiting in the doctor’s office.

Wishful Drinking

Summary: In Wishful Drinking, Carrie Fisher tells the true and intoxicating story of her life with inimitable wit. Born to celebrity parents, she was picked to play a princess in a little movie called Star Wars when only 19 years old. "But it isn't all sweetness and light sabers."

Alas, aside from a demanding career and her role as a single mother (not to mention the hyperspace hairdo), Carrie also spends her free time battling addiction, weathering the wild ride of manic depression and lounging around various mental institutions. It's an incredible tale - from having Elizabeth Taylor as a stepmother, to marrying (and divorcing) Paul Simon, from having the father of her daughter leave her for a man, to ultimately waking up one morning and finding a friend dead beside her in bed.

Review: Reading Carrie Fisher's Wishful Drinking is like being in the audience of her one woman show: laugh out funny, but not a comprehensive memoir. After undergoing shock therapy to treat her depression and suffering the resulting memory loss, Fisher decides to tell her story both to reclaim memories and as a cathartic experience. Lucky us! Fisher has a gift in storytelling and doesn't hold much back in the way of secrets -- unlike a lot of Hollywood "tell alls" which tell little and are mainly PR pieces for the named celebrity.

Fisher's skewers various life episodes for our entertainment and hers. I laughed 'til I cried when I read Fisher's hysterical recounting of her family tree (with diagrams!) to explain to her daughter, Billie, who was interested in Elizabeth Taylor's grandson Rhys that "they are related by scandal." Fisher's mother Debbie Reynolds is portrayed as an eccentric (e.g. wanting to smoke pot with Fisher), but loving mother. While Fisher's father, Eddie Fisher, is described more by what he is not: an involved parent or even a mature adult. The remainder of this short tome addresses Fisher's bouts of depression, bipolarism, alcoholism, fame and rollercoaster relationship with Paul Simon. These are not usually funny subjects, but Fisher has a way with "gallows humor."

One note of caution: Fisher uses a fair amount of salty language and frankly describes several adult topics. Still if you are not easily offended and want a humorous, fast, read I highly recommend Wishful Drinking. Better still buy the audio version and let Fisher herself share the story that only she can tell!

Do Over

Summary: Robin Hemley's childhood made a wedgie of his memory, leaving him sore and embarrassed for over forty years. He was the most pitiful kindergartner, the least spirited summer camper, and dateless for prom. In fact, there's nary an event from his youth that couldn't use improvement. If only he could do them all over a few decades later, with an adult's wisdom, perspective, and giant-like height...

In the spirit of cult film classics like Billy Madison and Wet Hot American Summer, in DO-OVER! Hemley reencounters paper mache, revisits his childhood home, and finally attends the prom--bringing readers the thrill of recapturing a misspent youth and discovering what's most important: simple pleasures, second chances, and the forgotten joys of recess.

Review: Remember when Mrs. Brown passed out Valentines from the huge Valentine's Day box to all other 3rd graders except you? Or the time when you were to recite a poem from memory to the parents on Back to School night and forgot the words? What if you were to re-do these flubs in your formative years and get them right this time? This is exactly what Robin Hemley did in his new immersion memoir Do Over.

The 48 year old Hemley embarked on his Do Over adventures because "sometimes you need to reevaluate what you think you've left behind forever as a way to find out who you are now . . . ." In short, Hemley was hoping to gain a new way to view some of his past failures. He also wanted to better connect with his daughters from a previous marriage who were or would be navigating thru some of the same rites of passage that he was attempting to re do.

There are apparently rules in attempting Do Overs such as not going back to revisit a failed marriage. In the end, Hemley set out to Do Over: (1) Kindergarten; (2) the School Play The Littlest Angel; (3) Summer Camp; Sixth Grade; (5) Joining a Fraternity; (6) Eighth Grade; (7) The Prom; (8) Standardized Tests; (9) his Childhood Home and (10) being an Exchange Student in Japan. While the results of his abbreviated recreations were sometimes mixed, they were always highly entertaining. Often while reading about Hemley's adventures I was laughing out loud. For example, the following exchange cracked me up:

"Do you ride the bus?" Louis asks.
"No."
"Oh. Well, who's picking you up?" Halely asks.
"My wife" I say.
There's a long moment of silence as they take that in and blink at me like cats.
"Oh" say Stefan finally. "I thought you were going to say your dad."

Surprisingly, apart from a few naysayers, most everyone (kids and adults) is supportive of Hemley's quest. As Hemley puts it during his 6th grade escapade: "I know I'm not really a sixth grader, and my classmates know this too. But we forget sometimes, and its good to forget. Sometimes I'm an observer. Sometimes I'm a participant. Sometimes I'm an oddity. But most of the time, I seem to fit in somehow . . ."

Do Over is a highly entertaining and insightful, memoir. I recommend it for an enjoyable read. Meanwhile, I'm off to create my own list.