Sleepless in Florida

Last night I didn't sleep well at all. I went to bed and read until midnight, fell asleep at 1am and up at 2am, back to sleep at 3:30 and then Mom got up at 5am.  I thought something was wrong and got up. I come to find out that that is Mom's regular time to get up.

So, here I am typing at almost 3pm and avoiding an afternoon nap.  Hopefully, I sleep tonight.  Today, I made a costume for my sister, Joanne's best friend.  I set up my brother on FaceBook.  He has been frustrated about his kids who don't bother to keep in touch.  So, I got him on FaceBook and sent friend requests for both his son and daughter.  Hopefully, they accept and can start communication online.  He was happy to see that he has access to their photos and past events in their lives.  I also set him up for games on Facebook.

Unfortunately, my brother's day is to sleep in until noon or later then sit at the dining room table smoking and staring at the wall, drinking his life away.  Sad, I never thought he would give up on life.  So, hopefully, this will get him out of the dining room into his room.  Mom can't stand him just sitting there that way, so hopefully this will move him to his room where his computer is.  Mom's happy about the possibility.

All in all, I have enjoyed my time here.  I even have enjoyed my brother's company and noticed he has backed off on his drinking a little.  He wants to take me to dinner just us, I told Mom that he can't be drinking, I will only go if he is sober.

Today the conversation was about him dying in two years.  So, I asked him if he got his life insurance  yet?  No was the answer, it's too expensive.  I replied that I am not talking about here, I'm talking about heaven or hell.  His reply was "I'm going to Hell!"  I said that Dad said the same thing but in the last week of his life he accepted Christ.  He is in Heaven.  Jim laughed and I said even if it is at the last minute, it is still available.  Jim knows about salvation, his ex-wife was a Christian and still is.  Guess I'll have to double the prayers on him.

I'm missing Wayne and told him we are not going to be separated again like this.  He is lonely at home and I hope and pray that Alison and the kids will visit him or invite him over for dinner or something.  But I have to focus on where I am now.

Florida!

Waking up at 2:30 am is not my cup of tea but I had a plane to catch.  Still my body did protest.  I flew to Salt Lake City and had only 30 minutes to find my gate and board another plan to Orlando.  We left on time and arrived 30 minutes early to our surprise but I had to wait in the pick up area outside for those 30 minutes for my sister and mom to pick me up.  It was good to see them.  Mom is too thin but was happy to see me.  My sister's breathing was bothersome but she lives with it, it concerns me.  We got home and my brother greeted us.  He looks like my dad--too much like him!

I came with gifts and jet lag.  It was 5:00 pm Florida time--2:00 pm Oregon time,  I was exhausted but I stayed up until 9:15pm.  My brother was friendly and liked the gifts.  My sister said he was smoozing, that's okay--I don't want fighting.

Unfortunately when I came into the house the cigarette smoke hit me hard.  I have gotten used to it now but still can't take my brother smoking in the kitchen.  If I leave here without a lung or sinus infection it will be a miracle!

Mom and I sat up and talked and she really enjoyed me being there. Today, Joanne and I went to get groceries today and a tablet for her.  We ended up going to two Costcos.  Started out at 10am to Michaels and then to one Costco to find out the tablet we wanted wasn't there and had to go to the other end of Orlando to get the right one....got home at 4pm!

But my sister is happy with her tablet.  This replaced the laptop she got 5 years ago that isn't working.  Wayne and I bought it for her for taking care of mom so well.  To keep the peaceful , I lied to my brother and told him I lent the money to Joanne for the tablet.  Don't need any conflict.

So day one and day two is going well.

Volunteer Art Literacy Teacher

The book I will use.

Last week, I volunteered for the Art Literacy Teacher for Grace's class.  It involves going to a workshop three times in the school year to learn a new artist's style and teaching it to the kids.  Part of the workshop was to do our own "artist rendering".  This trimester's artist is Picasso. 


Grace's "Cat Picasso"

My feeble attempt at Picasso

When I told Grace about it, she wanted to do one now!  Since I will teach after I get back from Florida, I figured it would be a good practice for me.  So, Grace loving cats and everything is cats, did a "Cat Picasso".  I love it!


Since the teaching tools that they gave us is more directed to the older students, I ordered the one book that they suggested for the younger kids.  So, I will put this on the back burner until I get back.  I plan on doing some fun interactive artsy stuff because after all, I have my favorite grand-daughter in the class!

Grace's "In Jesus We Trust Church"

And I have to share Grace's drawing that she did.  I love the "In Jesus We Trust" that she  put on the church.  This was a drawing she did without any input from me.




Packing 10 Shoeboxes with Grace

 

 

Grace helped me pack up ten shoeboxes today for Operation Christmas Child.  I'm always amazed at the load of stuff I have collected over the year!  Grace was all about making sure each girl received all the gifts.  She would comment that the girl that would get the box would love this little bracelet and she would giggle and put it in the box.  I'm so glad that she loves doing this every year with me.  We usually have a little party but this year, I just don't have the ump to do that and as Grace said, " That's okay, Nana."

 

Grace filled out the two page questionnaire herself.  This year she can read and write well.  Her favorite book now is "Harry Potter" which is beyond 1st Grade.  There was a question; "I love Jesus because..." Grace's answer was, "He prays for me and you and loves you and me and the world." 

 

Hunter didn't help this year.  Grace said it was because it was all "girl stuff" so next year we will do 5 girls and 5 boys. 

 

It was good to have these done.  Today was shoeboxes and some Special Olympics stuff.  The Special Olympics stuff will not be done until I receive more information from others in that organization.  I will feel a lot better once that stuff is done.

 

Tomorrow is doctor appointment, errands and drop off the shoeboxes day.  I am just not into shopping but need to get some things for the trip.  One day at a time....

Bridge to the Unknown

I love autumn mornings when I can walk with the LORD by myself.  Most times, Wayne walks with me but this morning, I walked alone...well, not quite.  The LORD was there as I listened to uplifting songs of praise in my ear buds.  I was reminded that He has me in the palm of His hand on this latest journey into the unknown.  I love this picture that I took.  A bridge into the unknown, so fitting right now.  I don't know what is ahead but I do know He is there carrying me through.  He knows what's ahead and He will give me strength in the unknown.

Jeremiah 29:11 comes to mind as I walked and took in the Fall colors and the peacefulness of it all:

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

"Struggle Scriptures"

I have been preparing this blog for my trip to Florida.  I intend to blog while I am there and also lean on scripture.  I thought that if I write down verses that spoke to me in my struggles to stay afloat, I can find them here on this blog and receive comfort and encouragement from them.  Here is what I came across while reading a book about a woman doctor who died, went to Heaven and returned:

"Don't worry about anything;

Instead,pray about everything,

Tell God what you need,

And thank Him for all He has done.

If you do this, you will experience God's peace."

-Philippians 4:6

 

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble."

-Psalm 46:1

 

"When you call to me, I will answer you.

I will be with you when you are in trouble.

I will save you and honor you."

-Psalm 91:15

 

"I can do all things through Him who

strengthens me."

-Philippians 4:13

 

"Pray without ceasing."

-1 Thessalonians 5:17

 

"Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is the will of
God's in Christ Jesus for you."

-1 Thessalonians 5:18

 

"Ask and you will receive;
Seek and you will find;

Knock and the door will be opened to you."

-Matthew 7:7

 

and my favorite:

 ^"I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
    where does my help come from?
 My help comes from the Lord,
    the Maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot slip—
    he who watches over you will not slumber;

 indeed, he who watches over Israel
    will neither slumber nor sleep.

 The Lord watches over you—
    the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not harm you by day,
    nor the moon by night.

The Lord will keep you from all harm—
    he will watch over your life;
the Lord will watch over your coming and going
    both now and forevermore."

-Psalm 121

 

 

 

 

Hunter's First Stitches

My dear grandson found out the hard way that there is a right way and a wrong way to whittle with a pocket knife.  He was at Cub Scout Camp with his dad for the weekend.  Larry was packing up to leave and gave Hunter his pocket knife, showed him how to whittle and began finishing up packing the van.  Hunter sliced his hand and fortunately for him, one of the dads was nearby and is an EMT.  Hunter passed out but Chris took care of him while Alison ran to find Stacey, a trauma nurse and mom of one of the scouts who happens to be Hunter's best friend.

They rushed him to Emergency and he was given 6 big stitches and some pain meds.  Alison texted me and later I walked over to their house.  I needed a walk to relieve stress but also wanted to be sure my grandson was okay.  As for the stress, I had baked six loaves of zucchini bread and made a canner full of apple pie jam to take home to Florida.

When I got to their house, Grace greeted me at the door excitedly telling me about Hunter.  I looked around the corner to the back of the couch and saw an uplifted arm wrapped in gauze. Hunter lifted his head to mutter "Hi."  He was obviously under the influence of drugs and a protective mom directed him to lay down.  After hugs and hearing what happened, I sat a bit with my daughter trying not to talk too much about my mom since the kids were there.  Alison was trying to assure me that everything could work out but she also was preparing me in case.

Annie and Lonnie arrived and I left--it was time and I needed to get home.  I'm still overwhelmed.  Heck is midnight and here I am typing.  I can't sleep--I took an Advil PM since I have a headache too.

I'm sure that my little man is sleeping pretty good right now and that he has one great story to share with his buds tomorrow!

Cast My Cares & Just Be Held

Two songs that have been a big comfort to me lately "Cast My Cares" and "Just Be Held".  I printed both out and glued them into my prayer journal.  When fear feels bigger than my faith--yes, that's where I am.  And struggles steal my breath away, my back's against the wall--I'm not strong but You are!

Cast My Cares

When fear feels bigger than my faith
And struggles steal my breath away

When my back's pressed up against the wall
With the weight of my worries stacked up tall
You're strong enough to hold it all

I will cast my cares on You
You're the anchor of my hopeThe only one who's in control
I will cast my cares on You
I'll trade the troubles of this world
For Your peace inside my soul

This war's not what I would've chosen
But You see the future no one knows yet

And there's still good when I can't
See the working of Your hands
You're holding it all
I will cast my cares on You
You're the anchor of my hope

The only one who's in control
I will cast my cares on You
I'll trade the troubles of this world
For Your peace inside my soul

I'm finding there's freedom
When I lay it all on Your shoulders

Cast my cares
I will Cast my cares
I will Cast my cares on You

 

Just be held

Hold it all together
Everybody needs you strong

But life hits you out of nowhere
And barely leaves you holding on

And when you're tired of fighting
Chained by your control
There's freedom in surrender
Lay it down and let it go

 

So when you're on your knees and answers seem so far away

You're not alone, stop holding on and just be held Your worlds not falling apart, its falling into place

 I'm on the throne, stop holding on and just be held
 Just be held, just be held

If your eyes are on the storm
You'll wonder if I love you still
But if your eyes are on the cross
You'll know I always have and I always will

 

And not a tear is wasted
In time, you'll understand
I'm painting beauty with the ashes
Your life is in My hands

Lift your hands, lift your eyes
In the storm is where you'll find Me

 And where you are, I'll hold your heart
I'll hold your heart
Come to Me, find your rest
In the arms of the God who won't let go

Another Overwhelming Day

Things seemed to be going okay--not great but okay when today, reality hit.  I did buy tickets to go to Florida on November 3 but today, I am seriously considering going down earlier.  It will cost me about $400 extra but to spend more time with Mom, it is so worth it.

Joanne, Aunt Hilda & Mom

My Aunt Hilda called from Canada. She was with Mom for the past week.  Aunt Hilda was there when Mom got the news about her uterine cancer.  I was very appreciative of her being there since I couldn't.  Anyways, Aunt Hilda was very concerned with Mom's frail state.

The house is so cold but Hilda said that she understands Jim needing it so cold for his COPD.  She was a nurse for 40 years.  However, poor mom is freezing and she needs warmth.  She is bundled up in the living room with cold air coming from the vent onto her.  To turn up the air conditioning may provoke more tension with my brother and the by product of my Mom's blood pressure skyrocketing.

What a dilemma! I keep praying for guidance and wisdom in this.  One thing that the LORD has put on my mind lately is to take a step back and look at the family dynamics playing here.  To try to understand the whys of the situation and not act on emotions.  It is hard.  Lately, I have used more discernment with my sister's comments.  I weigh everything now for truth or emotion led reactions. 

I remember when Joanne was born, life changed dramatically for Jim and me.  We never were told about her disability.  If we had, maybe we could cope with our feelings.  Both of us felt that we were set aside for her.  My parents tried to "make up" Joanne's disability by granting her everything.  I was 10 when Joanne was born.  I already went through being set aside when my brother was born.  I was told by my parents that I had five years of love, it was my brother's turn.  That hit hard for a five year old but I held onto the hope that when Jim turned five, it would be my turn.  Wrong--Joanne was born.  I did okay with that.  I liked having a little sister.  My brother, on the other hand, didn't respond so well.  He became the terrible five year old and I really believe he has carried that through to today.

So, with all that, I understand why my brother is acting like a five year old but that doesn't justify his behavior.  I don't know how to handle this. 

The tables have turned on my brother and sister.  My Mom has turned to favor my brother (mostly out of fear and guilt) and has set aside my sister.  This only makes the jealousy worse between them.  Oh if only I had been a psychologist--I could be helpful here!

I feel like a doll with one arm pulled toward my sister and the other arm pulled toward my brother but with my eyes always on Mom.  I fear that she won't make it and I don't want to lose my Mom, LORD, I'm not strong, LORD, I'm afraid, LORD....help!