Waiting for baby

Waiting, waiting and waiting for baby.  He will be here in about 3 or 4 weeks and I can't wait! I am nervous to have a new born again. This is the biggest gap we have had. I also can't wait to have my body back. I do love feeling him wiggle around and am still so amazed by pregnancy, but I am so excited to go for a run.  This pregnancy has gone by slow to me.  Dave has been so busy with school.  He is almost half way done and is a straight A student. I am so proud of him.  The boys get out of school this week for the summer. I am really excited to have them home. I miss them when they are gone. I adore my boys, they are my angels. Well just thought I would do a quick check in.

a few pictures from the last year

I just noticed right at the top of this page there is da da da daaaaa!! A BULLET LIST! and all kinds of other cool tools.  Wow, I am lame.  Also I am sooo sooo sooo sick of winter!! blah!! here are the reasons why I am so excited for spring.  I think I will use bullet points

• Flowers!! I can't wait to garden
• soccer, although this makes life crazy.  I am so excited for 3 boys playing soccer this spring
• to just lay in my front yard in the sun with a good book
• I will be closer to having my baby
• Easter, that is always fun.

Alrighty then, that was fun.  Now I will attempt to insert a few pics.

Since Last we spoke....

Since last we spoke....


1.  I died and chopped my hair.  blonde, and yes I have been having way more fun. Not quite as much fun as I am hoping to have, I think once the cold dead winter passes that will pick up though. 
2.  I took an army PT test. I just really needed to know how I stacked up against the rest of the cadettes.  Need to keep my options open in case I am called up by the man to serve and protect.  I know being 4 months isn't the optimal time you might say to do this test, but I just really needed to know.  Allright, the truth here is I started going to work out in the mornings at the stake center and that is what we did on Wed.  I did ok.  I don't think I will be getting any calls to go serve on the front lines. 
3.  Max, my just barely turned 3 year old started pre-school 2 days a week.  He has social anxiety and so his teacher let him bring his blanket and he puts it over his head and peers out every now and again or he just covers himself and pretends he is not there.  She thinks once he is comfortable enough he will stop doing this. 
4.  I also recently wrote and starred in the sit com version of, Gone with the wind.  Okay that last one is just a dream of mine.


Enough with the list.  I have been having some real fears lately.  I must be pregnant because some of them have been absolutely ridiculous! No really, I cried myself to sleep one night over some of them.  The worst one,  I read an article that a 25 foot man eating crocodile was found of the banks of the Missouri river.  Wait, not Missouri, some river in India, NO It was Africa.  either way it freaked me out.  I am not sure why it freaked me out so much, clearly that river is nowhere near me, but what if I go there someday.  Now it will be like the Ocean, that beautiful dreamy body of water I will never set foot in because of the chance that a Shark will get me.  I am generally not afraid of people.  Not ever.  Even when I go running or am home alone I never think,  Oh what would I do If a burglar walked in.  I more think what will I do if a Tiger walks in!!  I know this makes no sense, but It is what it is. 


I have a lot more fears than just man eating crocadiles.  I have all the same fears I am sure most mothers do about their children.  Even though I have had 3 ultra sounds, I just keep fearing that something is terribly wrong and it has stopped me from being able to really think about names.  I have had some misscarriages and so I am sure this is why.  Well that is all for now.  I promise to update with some pictures next time.

okay, time to blog again

  It sounds like a lot of work to update ya'll  on the goings on the past year or so.  It sounds much easier for you to just call me and I will tell you.  Talking is much easier for me than writing, typing.  I have no idea why.  It doesn't really make sense.  We don't need to get into those details though, I will just get to the updates. The big ones at least.  I will do it in the easiest, quickest way I know possible, Bullet points. You should all know I have once again decided to bypass grammar completely on this blog, that has not and will not change even if I go back to school and become a learn-ed woman.  I am learn-ed enough. 


Since the last time we umm....spoke with eachother I have;  Oh crap I don't even know where the bullet points are on this thing forget bullet points, it's just a list. It would be much easier if you would just call me if you really want an update. 


The list....


1.  stopped dying my hair... (thought I would build up to the most exciting)
2.  Become an avid family historian
3.  become a widow to an MBA program  (sooooo much harder than it sounded when I first signed on!)
4. decided to have another baby  (again,  soooo much harder than when I signed on)


That about covers the big stuff. 


I have decided I need to start blogging because it truly is the only way for me to journal,  my hand writing is attrotious! (I am not changing the spelling, that word aught to be spelled like that) It really is so much easier for me to talk then write, but since becoming a widow to my sweet husband's MBA program I don't have anyone to talk to at night.  I even got cable back ( we haven't had it for 3 years, what a let down it has been btw)  I do read, I haven't  been able to get into a novel for 3 years though. Still reading to learn stuff.  And the bible and BOM and basically all religious books.  Getting old I guess.  Well it looks like I actually have to jet, my husband just finished his paper.  I will finish this post some time next year! 

what would Stephanie M. think?

    Is anyone else wondering how our little Bella and Edward are going to get through the next few months doing promos for the last Breaking Dawn movie coming out in two months? and if you aren't, well you need to start thinking about it.  I wonder would Stephanie Meyer is thinking and if she would like to ask Kristen Stewart the same question I would.  " What the heck were you thinking?" and the timing, terrible.  oh well, guess we knew it wouldn't last forever.  In other news I am listening to an awesome self help book today.  I should have all the answers I have been looking for very soon.

well hello there!

well hello there blog.  How you been ? good.  good.  been a while. I have been thinking about blogging again.  I got off face book mabye I should re-visit you.  I feel I have become much too serious.  For example; a few years ago you could not get me to read a self help book in less than six months.  All I could read were make believe stuff.  about vampires and stuff like that.  Now, the opposite is true.  For about the past year or year and half all I do is read self help.  I am self help happy.  However I am trying to get into a novel now.  Someone hurry and tell me a funny joke, I am taking life much too serious.  No, I am really pretty good though.  I will post more later, like when Max is not screaming at the top of his lungs.  Did I mention 4 kids is busy.  I have a scout now. oh boy.



your ole' pal Nat

Our Stuff is Breaking. Like most of it.

My sister told me when she had been in her house for about seven years all of her appliances started shutting down.  Well, she was right.  All, okay that is a little pessimistic.  Quite a few things have broken in the past little bit.  The running list,  The garage door (that one went down a few months ago and we still haven't fixed it) the vacuum, both cars need new tires, and as of this morning, the washer. Dave still does not know about this one yet.  Oh and our mixer.  I am really not wanting to complain and am reading a book that tells me we can be  happy no matter what is going on and I believe that I am happy most of the time, but I have my moments.  This is one of them.  I have a new saying that I found.  I love it with all my heart and I tell myself it every time I feel like I want to complain.  here it is, Put your big girl panties on and deal with it.  I am going to have it framed and make it look really pretty and set it by my bed.  It makes me laugh and tells me to "buck up" all at once ya know? sure ya do. sure ya do.  Every time an appliance break and I don't know how I will function with out it, I have this annoying thing that happens and I think of like the pioneers and how they did not have any of these electronics and they did it.  I want to stick my tongue out at this thought, but then I think, true true and if they wanted a chicken sa-wich  ( I like to say it that way, it's a lot more fun ) for lunch they couldn't just stroll on over to Chick-fil-a and have themselves a chicken sa-wich. Noooooo, noooo.  by golly darn they had to feed and raise that chicken sa-wich from a chick and then go out and kill the poor thing and pluck it's feathers and pull the meat off the pet they had raised and then when their kids wake up the next day and say, "Pa, Pa, I don't see our whit chicken anymore, somthin awful's happened !!" and pa says, " your right son,  we ate white chicken for supper last night. "  Yep, that is the exact seen that plays out in my head every time I eat a chicken sa-wich and then I put my big girl panties on and deal with the appliances breaking down.  In other news I went to the mid-night showing of Breaking Dawn last night with Teri and had an amazing night full of laughter and fun.

alright well, here we are again. well not we, me.  What do you know it has been 3 months since I have blogged and I have the urge at 3 am.  I thought to myself, " I miss my blog.  Yes, yes I miss my blog and My public needs me. "  well maybe not, I have been singing Phantom of the Opera songs in my head for a few days now and that line in the movie keeps playing out in my head.  Really, I need my public.  The funny thing is, I probably don't have a public anymore, all six of them have left and why wouldn't they ? I have abandoned the blogger world once again.  I knew it was time to blog again.  I suddenly started thinking up random posts while I was cleaning.  Having conversations with my blog.  I have not been a good friend to my blog.  Enough of that, let's just get on to the musings of my mind.  Let me explain the time here.  3 am is actually my favorite time to blog.  Everyone is asleep and the house is quiet, but that is not the reason for the time of my blogging today.  I mean, I would not purposely set my alarm for 3 am and leave a restful sleep.  My poor husband has a terrible cough and the past 3 nights has had some coughing fits and he is such a gifted sleeper, he sleeps through, but me on the other hand, not a gifted sleeper even with a sleep aid have been awake the last 3 nights in a row.  I even ask him about his cough the next morning and he can't hardly even remember!  amazing.  Moving forward.

   So as it turns out I am signed up for my first triathlon.  It all started back in June, sitting on the front yard at my friend Teri's house talking to our neighbor Jayna and asking about her marathon training.  She also does Tri's and she is really good at it and trains all the time. Teri said I am gonna do one! and then she looked at me. I said, me too! yeah let's do it! wahoo!  Jayna looked at us and said, " Awesome! you guys should totally do one."  Then she turned her head and said what I am now sure was an under the breath, "Suckas!" So, here I am now training for something that sort of terrifies me.  Mainly because I can't swim.  It is a considerable concern to have.  I have been going to spin classes and running and lifting weights.  It is a lot of work, but I think it is going to get me through the winter.  I didn't realize how badly I needed a goal.  I needed to commit myself to something.  I grew up playing sports and pushing myself and now that I am doing that again  I realize how desperately I have missed it.  I have been so much happier now that I am working out.  I look forward to my spin classes.  I have to get a babysitter to get to one of them because Dave does not get home on time.  Well, I have a love/hate relationship with spin.  In the middle of the work out I can't wait for it to be over, but then I feel so good after and so proud of myself.  I have had to give up T.V. at night though.  At first I missed my shows ( we have no DVR and now that I am thinking about it a tear is welling up as I type ) no actually I don't really miss it as much as I thought I would.  I was in the habit of getting the kids settled and then just unwinding in front of the T.V. with Dave.  I think it is well worth it though.  Dave has been so supportive to let me go to the gym nearly every night and then when I get home he goes.  I have mentioned on here before that I have struggled with post pardom deppression and I have been trying to figure out how to combat that over the past few years.  I told my doctor I felt like I had not control over my life and that it was controlling me.  So this year, I am taking back the control and it feels good.  well enough for now, I really need to try to go to sleep.

Good News!

I have good news. My children just informed me they have now watched 100 episodes of Sponge Bob square pants. Where is my mother of the year award??? oh wait it's sitting on my shelf in my bedroom hahaha good times. No, but really all three bathrooms cleaned today and all of my laundry is done people. Done. How do you like them apples?

let yourself be seen

Below this post is a powerful talk on connections that I got from my friend, Tammy's blog. I have listened to it a few times and love it and really want to share it with others. It talks about the reason we are hear and all that really matters to us is that we make connections with others and that we feel acceptance by others that know the real us. The imperfections and still love us. I almost went back and changed the word hear, to the proper spelling here, but you know what? this is me being vulnerable. Even though I can't none spell to gude, my trew friends will love me anyway.

being vulnerble

it has been so long since I have posted I barely remember how to blog

wow, I can't believe it has taken me so long to finally sit down and do this. Dave is not going to be home for a few more hours and Max is asleep so I thought I would give it a shot. I am going to try to get a few pictures on here, but I have not figured out how to get them off our camera or my phone. But, alas I shall try. I will never give up. Well unless it takes too long. First I will start with a few random thoughts. My sister in law, Laura made me a book a few (well like, 8) years ago called a, thankful book. The idea was to jot down a few thoughts of things you are thankful for. I did it for a while and then misplaced the book and found it today and vowed today I would start to use it again. The first thing I put down that I am thankful for was my washer and dryer. Every week I think, " this is the week I will conquer the world and get caught up on my laundry!" and every week. I fail. Then today I had the thought, I can never get caught up on my laundry because we have too many clothes. and then it hit me, like a can of beans, we have too many things? how ungrateful is that statement? what if it only took me an hour every week to do laundry because each of us only had a few things to wear? and then I felt very ashamed and grateful at the same time. I am so grateful to first of all, have an abundance of laundry which means we all have plenty of clothes to wear and blankets to cover us and towels etc.. and second of all, to have a washer and dryer do all the work for me and not have to wash it all by hand. I am also grateful for my nanny who folds and puts all of this away while I go have a pedicure. Alright that last part was a lie. anyways, I am trying to look at the glass half full instead of half empty. So thank you Laura for my thankful book.

As far as summer goes, it has been good, but I think my kids and I are ready for school. The boys are getting bored with all of this free time and I am ready for some free time. Max is now 7 months old. He started crawling last month and now he is pulling himself up to furniture and constantly falling down and getting hurt. He also loves to put everything in his mouth. So when he is awake I can't get a whole lot done. He is so smiley and happy all the time. The boys are all so good to him and love him too pieces.

way over due post

I better try to hurry up, I have not had a lot of time to blog or do much else than take care of my sweet new baby and all of my boys actually, but I have really wanted to write down, blog style, my thoughts. I had Max on Dec. 30. There was a huge storm the day before and it took us almost two hours to get to Salt Lake from Lehi, which is normally only a thirty minute drive. This is only funny because the exact same thing happened the morning I had Jared three years before. I got up to the hospital and they got me going on pit and about an hour later they broke my water and I got my epidural. A few hours into labor, I was really starting to have pain. I thought I must be getting close and so they checked and I was not close. I tried to be tough and thought what a wimp I am being. I was really feeling pain though an hour later and so the anesthesiologist came and had me lean forward and my epidural was not even going into me and had been leaking into my bed the whole morning, Ha! so I was not being a wimp after all. So they had to redo the whole thing. Yes, another shot in the back with a larger then life needle....well worth it! I thought, hey, I am paying good money for this thing and I want it to work. and it did and I had a lovely nap. I woke up and for the first time in four times of being in labor, felt a little nauseous. I grabbed my handy dandy little throw up basket and proceeded to do just that. I know. ewwww. ( Hey nobody is forcing you to read my blog, other than the fact that you know it is going to be awesome :D) so where was I? oh yes, I barfed and then my sweet husband barfed. He can't handle barf, not even the sound of it. In fact, the whole labor thing is very hard on his delicate system. He would really like to do it old school as far as the husband goes and sit in the waiting room smoking a pipe ( well maybe not smoking a pipe, how bout sucking on a lolly pop) and have the doctor come out when all is said and done to announce he has yet another bouncing baby boy!! well too bad Dave, no can do and so once again as they lay my sweet son in my arms after only two pushes, I am in tears and poor Dave is at the garbage can dry heaving. He was thrilled though with our sweet Max. To our surprise he was born with a full head of dark hair and he was our smallest weighing in at 8 pounds 7 oz. I have found that on the 4th time around, I am much more relaxed with a new born and feel I have enjoyed him so much. He has had a lot of the same tummy issues our others have had and of course nursing is not easy in the beginning, but I feel I have finally figured out how to enjoy a new born, even with 3 other active little boys around me. I joked to Dave one night and said, "well, this isn't our first rodeo." and Dave said, " but it is our last!" needless to say, Dave loves our boys, but feels 4 is a good solid number to end on. I feel the same. almost. :D Life is amazing. It is such a strange and wonderful feeling to, how do I say this? grow up. I mean some days I can actually feel my self growing up. I know I am 29 years old, but in so many ways I feel exactly the same way I felt when I was 12, but being a mom forces you to grow up in all the good ways. My kids make me a better person and I am so grateful for that. I really feel that being a mother is the most humbling experience and the hardest experience I will ever have. It is also been what has drawn me closest to my savior. I know with out a doubt that he lives and that he died for me and for everyone. I know this because I am a mom. I know that my sweet baby boys are sons of my heavenly father. I feel a great responsibility to return them home safely to him. I know that as much as I love them, which is more love than I knew I was capable of, he loves them more. I want them to be able to reach their potential and I absolutely know that is something I can not do on my own. I need my heavenly father to help me. and he is and that is why I feel so grateful today. I love my life. I love my mom, dad and sisters. I love my in laws. I love my neighbors, my friends, my ward, the new moccasins I just bought because deep down I feel I am part Indian :D ( anyone who knows me well knows when I was little I was obsessed with Indian movies and books and truly thought I was, at least in spirit the last mohican :D) I love so many things. I have a wonderful friend who is truly heaven sent named Angie and she gave me a copy of her favorite book, Simple Abundance. I only read a page a day. One page I read the other day was titled, Standing knee deep in a river of water and dying of thirst. It talks about how we have so many blessings around us, but if we don't learn to recognize those blessings, it is like we are standing knee deep in a river and somehow dying of thirst. It talks about how happiness is an attitude and that we need to make it a habit to be optimists and to be grateful. The last line on the page says , " Let's choose today to quench our thirst for " the good life" we think others lead by acknowledging the good that already exists in our own lives. We can then offer the universe the gift of our grateful hearts. " So today I am offering the universe the gift of my grateful heart.

Just call me Puffy.

Against my better judgement I am going to post some prego pics. I have had many, many requests. Well one or two. I have threatened David with his life if he got my face in the pic. Nobody needs to see that right now. There are also some pictures of our Candy house making experience. Usually the boys Grandma Johnston does this for the ENTIRE family, I am not kidding folks, she makes like 35 houses. We struggled making 4. Grandma and Grandpa are on their mission now and the boys miss them terribly and Taylor asked, " but who is going to make our candy houses ?" and I said in my best southern accent " well, who you think boy? yo mama is!"okay well I didn't say it like that, but we did get'er done. I am having my baby in 11 days, I can't wait to hold him!! It might very well be our last and I just want to enjoy him. I have had my usual insomnia. That is always fun, but at least I know I will make it through. It is well worth it. I can't believe we will have another baby boy around here. The boys are so excited. I have been super emotional lately and last night I was a little sad and tired and my sweet Logan could tell I was sad and so he brought me the bible and his favorite blanket and told me to read Heavenly Father's words to make me feel better. I did happened to glance down at the page that was open and it was talking about someone cutting off somebody else's limbs and head and I immediately felt better :D I am so luck y to have such sweet boys. They are so good to me. Everyone is doing well and Dave is now playing basketball after not being able to play for a long time because of his knee. He will be playing in a league this winter and it will be fun to watch him.

door to door salesman will be crushed and melted

I need someone who makes vinyl lettering to make me a sign that says;


NO SOLICITING!!
VIOLATORS WILL BE CRUSHED AND MELTED. ( I am not kidding.)

I think that will scare them away don't you? maybe I will put a flower in the corner of the sign. So if you or anyone you know could do this for me, I will pay top dollar. Thanks for your help friends.