These make me feel so happy inside!" Aren't they the best peeps ever?!

Well, besides my real peeps, that is. Friends new and old who choose to find me and leave a comment or two on this my blog less traveled by. Geo, who takes the time to not only read, but also to comment on my archived posts.


Other thoughts: Here is something I love about my difficult but darling daughter. Babies and puppies LOVE her! Both will squeal with delight, run into her arms and love her, as well as receive her love, without inhibition. And sometimes follow her home.

The black lab hung around for three days. I can only hope she has returned home and not been sent to the pound by a neighbor. (Note to self: remember to check in with the pound before too long, because the thought of something that has loved my daughter so freely and brought her so much joy being euthanized breaks my heart.)


After an FHA (Family Home Argument) that started out very much like an argument, mingled with scripture, feeling the love and harmony--however fleeting--return. Hearing the three oldest join in song, even if it was "Electric Avenue." And sharing peeps--two each of green chicks and yellow bunnies--my 15-year-old son (who also gave the monotone lesson) picked out for treats.

Returning from my trip with a few realizations about myself:

The good news is that I am out of my winter funk. I was on the edge of that place where you either know you can pull yourself out with some focused effort or you know you're going to go under and lose control. But the combination of sunshine and warmth and stimulating conversation and just having some fun seems to be just what I needed.

I have hope for spring and for a new day. I feel like me again. I can do this!


The other news, and I don't know if it's good or if it's bad, is that I realize now how much I need that kind of stimulation in my life. And how much I'm not getting it my current state of affairs. I need to talk to people. I need to listen to new ideas. I need to have some fun. I need to people to laugh at my jokes. Not all the time, but sometimes. I'm not quite sure what I'm going to do with that revelation. But I guess becoming more self-aware is still a good thing.


Amazing moment of the week: Returning home and going to visit a favorite aunt. Who is dying. She held me tight and hugged and kissed me. And I her. She said, "I was waiting for you to come." I had a time trying to hold back the tears--and I still am. The power of pure and unfettered love undoes me every time.


Why do most of us have to wait for the proximity of death to let ourselves feel and express such love?

Reading the comics section at bedtime every night with my youngest son.

Receiving roses from my husband and my two sons even on the day when gifts of flowers are the most expensive to buy. Appreciating even more the implied thought that I am worth the cost and the effort even though I only have one day to enjoy them (I am going out of town early Friday morning).

When one of the recipients of the homemade heart-shaped sugar cookies I made and delivered today told me how she had just been thinking that all she wanted right then was a sugar cookie and a glass of milk.

An elderly couple standing in a long line of teenagers, in the pouring rain, just to go on a date at the dollar theater.

A family room full of teenagers laughing out loud at an old Tim Conway and Don Knotts comedy that is not crude or vile, but simply hysterical.

Somehow mustering just barely enough composure to withstand the cruel and angry outburts of a hormonal pre-teen who loathes me and truly believes I am the worst mother in the world. Please, God. Help me endure the next five years without saying something I will regret forever and without turning my back and running out the door. I don't know if I can do this.

This week I am thankful for PUFFS!


Guess which kind.

A.
B.
C.
D.

Two family size boxes and counting. Is there no end?

Spending the evening playing Club Penguin with littlest son.

Second son cooking soup and baking cornbread muffins for dinner last night.

Daughter calling me back on my cell phone to tell me she was sorry.

Husband, son and daughter taking turns with the dishes while I am sick.

Kids who can't wait to tell me what I missed at church on Sunday.