Waiting...

Today's the due date for little baby boy to arrive. Let's be honest... I didn't think he would come today. I mean, my history is to be late.

Very, very late.

Bennett was 11 days late.

Pax was 9 days late.

Who knows with this little guy!? But, in the meantime, we are spending quality time together and enjoying our life as normal before the craziness begins.

And, there's plenty to be doing... just take one look at my house! Ha! I'm wondering just how long it takes after you move in to a new house to feel settled! :)

No words necessary...

Daddy: "What's in the trash, boys?"

Pax: "Boo."

The Countdown is On...

It's almost that time! Our newest little baby is scheduled to arrive in the next few days! These little boys are ready... well, as ready as they're gonna be. Ha! I don't think they really know what's going to happen to their little lives in the next few months. But they are very excited to talk about the "new baby"!

Here I am at 39 weeks!

We have had such an AWESOME last 2 years with our 2 little guys. I can't thank God enough for blessing us with these 2 gifts. It took us so long to get pregnant with Bennett. What a journey that was! To not really know and to have the fear that I wasn't ever going to be able to have a baby was so paralyzing for me. In the 3 years we waited for a baby, which included the loss of our first baby, I grasped the gravity of what a treasure and gift and blessing that a baby was. I wanted a baby SO bad! Looking back, as hard as that time was, I wouldn't change anything because of just how much I learned through that process. I wouldn't be who I am without having gone through that time.

All that to say, this baby we're getting ready to have is not being taken for granted at all! I'm sure some people may look at someone pregnant with their 3rd and say "oh, they're kickin' out another one again!" No! I feel so overwhelmed that God would bless us again with another pregnancy. Between the birth of Pax and this baby, we have experienced another 2 losses which really makes this little boy even more of a gift.

This little baby has also led us on a journey. Phil and I had been dealing with some really heavy decisions we had to make. It was a months long journey. As soon as we put the pen to paper and made the very difficult decision (well, at least for me!) to follow through with what we thought God was calling us to do, that very same week I found out I was pregnant with this little guy. It was almost like one of the affirmations that we were obeying what God had asked us to do and He was blessing our obedience. I am very grateful for this baby.

Let's see how close we get to this date! :)

What's my deal?!?!

I RARELY post a video on my blog. In fact, I can only remember a time or 2. So, I can't believe I'm posting another video 2 days in a row. For some reason, Francis Chan is really connecting with me and maybe because it's because I'm dealing with some of these same issues in my head right now that he's speaking about in these videos. This video is SO good!

It's so funny to me that we think we can control what happens to us. I'm as guilty as anyone in trying to avoid certain dangers, make my life very predictable, etc. After dealing with some things we've recently been experiencing in our lives, I'm seeing that we really have no control on our lives, as much as we think we do. And the longer we try to hold on to that control and be "safe", we can't live in the freedom of Christ and experience all He has for us.

Anyway, watch the video...

You HAVE to watch this...

You ALL, this is such a great illustration that I saw today. This will really make you think. This is something that really helped me today and I wanted to share this. It's only 4 minutes and it's SO good. Please watch it! :)

Sometimes something you read comes JUST at the right time....

"Come to me when you are weak and weary. Rest snuggly in my everlasting arms. I do not despise your weakness, My child. Accept yourself in your weariness, knowing that I understand how difficult your journey has been...

"Do not compare yourself with others, who seem to skip along their life paths with ease. Their journeys have been different than yours, and I have gifted them with abundant energy. I have gifted you with fragility, providing opportunities for your spirit to blossom in My presence...

"Rather than struggling to disguise or deny your weakness, allow me to bless you richly through it.

From Jesus Calling

By Sarah Young, page 235

Real life... caught on the camera

OK folks, this happened yesterday and I still can't look at these pictures without laughing so hard I cry! I don't know why this is so funny to me! But I think it is HYSTERICAL!!!! It happened right before church and each time I would think about it during church, I'd have to hold my nose, mouth or something so that I wouldn't laugh out loud!

I wanted to take a family picture before church while we were all dressed nicely. We get outside to take it and Phil sets up the tripod. We tell Bennett that as soon as Daddy pushes the button, he is going to come pick him up and all he has to do is hold his cars and smile at the camera. What happened next is obvious... Bennett would NOT cooperate. He was telling Phil "NO!" and not letting Phil hold him.

Here's the progression...

Picture #1

Picture #2

Picture #3

Picture #4

I almost didn't post this because who wants to post a pic of your son being spanked, but THIS WAS TOO FUNNY!!!!!!!!

Funny, funny ...

So, this was the scene the other night... Phil was supposed to be watching the boys as I was on the way out the door to Bible Study. Instead, he was asleep on the couch and the boys were crawling all over him and playing blocks on his belly. I was in the kitchen and I look up and see Bennett all up in his face staring at his nose. He said, "Daddy, do you have yucky nose hair???" Hahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!


Husbands, learn from my husbands "foot in the mouth" reaction to my falling down the stairs.

So, I mentioned our new home is a lot bigger and we have stairs now. The other morning I was quietly, without waking the boys, taking the dog in his carrier downstairs in one hand and in my other hand I had my water and the baby monitor. Since it was still dark, I missed a stair and fell and slid down the flight of stairs on my butt. Phil was up taking a shower and all of a sudden I see a naked man, dripping wet, frantically race down the stairs to see what happened! He's like, "what happened, what's going on???!?!?!?!". I tell him, "babe, I fell down, but I'm ok. How did you know I fell?!" He said, (and here is the lesson learned... something you NEVER tell a pregnant lady) "BABE, YOU SHOOK THE WHOLE HOUSE!!!!!!"

Nice. I KNOW I'm big, but geez.

Ch-ch-ch-changes...

That's the title my friend told me I should use for my "comeback" blog post! Ha!

Yes, it's been nearly 3 months since my last post. There have been so many reasons for that. First of all, I haven't been this stressed out since 6 years ago when my whole world went nuts. I will always, as long as I live, remember these 2 times in my life... one being 6 years ago... and the other one being the last several months where my life went... kinda... ummmm... crazy. Yes, I would have to "crazy" is the word I would use to sum it up!

Second of all, I didn't realize how many people read my blog! (I use the term "many" relatively... I mean, I only knew of about 10! Ha!) Several people have written me emails, sent me texts and have told me that they wanted to check on me to make sure I was ok... that they missed reading my blog. That is seriously so sweet!

I knew the day was coming when I'd need to write my "where have I been" post and explain "where I've been"!

Let's just start by saying that we have moved.

Moving is crazy in and of itself. Packing up and moving everything you own, along with having 2 small kids 3 and under is slightly overwhelming. Put on top of that being pregnant in the 3rd trimester and you have a slightly overwhelmed, highly emotional, on edge, stressed out mama/wife that I'm sure no one has been happy to be around!! (Phil is a saint. He puts up with me.)

Let me also just say that I am living proof that God still speaks through his Word today and that He asks you to do things that you don't really want to do. I think that topic is for another post, and if a time comes where I become brave enough to share all that's gone on in our lives to bring us to this point where we are now. It's a great story, but one that I'm still working through. (Shout out to my friend, Alicia, who is the mother of twins who just moved somewhere she did NOT want to go and reading her blog has helped me deal with our move. Thanks, Alicia!)

We are still in our same city, just in a different part of it. I never realized how much I loved our old house and I also never realized just how much I hate change. Especially BIG change. I like things to stay the way they are, keep my same routine, live in my small house, go to my same Target, but sometimes God calls us to do things we don't want to do to grow us. And let me just say I.AM.GROWING. I don't want to grow this way, but for some reason God has asked our family to do it. So, all I can do is act (and my attitude has not always been the best.. just ask Phil), and pray that God uses this humongous change in our lives for some greater purpose.

Pictures will be coming soon, because this is where we live now! Ha! Our new house is much bigger than our old one. The boys have loved running around in all the open space. Another happy part of this is that we now have a garage apartment that my sister is living in, so she is very close and can bake yummy cookies for us! HaHa!

Here's a few pics from the last few months, in case you forgot what we looked like! :) (and in reverse order since Blogger is stupid and frustrating...)

We spent our last night in our first and only house we've known on July 1. Very difficult night for me :(

Phil and I celebrated our 9th anniversary on June 29th! I seriously love that guy...

Father's Day 2011... aren't my boys handsome?!

My babies went to their first Mother's Day Out session at our church on June 9th. I've never put them in any type of "program", so this was a BIG deal for me! They will go every Tuesday/Thursday for 6 weeks this summer. It has been nice to have some time to get things done, especially with all the moving/cleaning I've had to be doing between 2 houses, but I sure do miss my boys!

I turned 31!

Mother's Day 2011... my loves!

Our Easter Day ...

We began our Easter Sunday morning with all of us listening to one of my favorite songs ever, "Arise, My Love". It totally makes me remember the importance of Easter and Jesus' victory over death and sin. This song gives me chills!


As we were getting ready to leave for church, I wanted to take some pics. Too bad the rain was pouring down and we couldn't get any pics outside in the yard :( We snapped a few on the front porch and called it good.

At this stage in the boys' lives, there is NO posing for pictures. I have tried everything I can think of to get them to smile and look at the camera at the same time. Ain't workin'. So, the boys had their waffles and milk and we snapped the best we could...

As Phil was getting Pax buckled into the car, I was grabbing the diaper bags. Phil turned around after he got Pax in his seat and saw Bennett standing in the neighbors yard. The yard was a.l.l.m.u.d.d.y!!! I mean it was completely FULL of MUD!! Phil yelled over to Bennett, "Bennett, come back here now! You're getting your clothes all messed up!" When he said that, Bennett started running back to our driveway, splashing mud all the way back. The back of his pants were COVERED in mud. Dang it! I had no other khaki pants for him, so we just wiped it off. What can you do??!

It's so sad that the whole day was rainy. I would have loved to get a family pic of all of us together. Guess we'll have to PhotoShop Phil in this one...

After church, we went to my Aunt's house and had Easter lunch. Delish! To keep the boys calm for a few minutes, my sister let them watch Veggie Tales on her phone. It's amazing what an episode of Veggie Tales can do to get them to sit completely still!!

Look at this cute pic!!! My mom had no idea that I had bought the boys these shirts. She bought Connor the same shirt, but the blue one. So weird!!

Later this evening, Gram came over to our house to bring the boys their Easter baskets.
The candy was a hit!!

The day ended on a bad note when Phil had to take Bennett to the Urgent Care. :( He got a bad coughing attack during the day and could just not quit. After a quick visit to our friend who was working at Urgent Care, she diagnosed him with Bronchitis. Poor guy!! Hopefully these meds will kick in and he can shake this awful cough.

Happy Birthday to my little 3 year old!

Just 3 short years ago today, here was the scene....

We welcomed our precious, Samuel Bennett Goodson, into the world. He was SO long awaited and we were oh, so thankful to finally have him here in our arms!! I couldn't believe he was ours and that I was a mom. What a surreal moment and one I will never, ever forget. I was seriously in awe.

We both fell in love with him at first sight!

Then, he turned 1 and I couldn't believe a year had flown by. Wow!
But, that was nothing compared to the year he turned 2. Man, how did 2 years pass and how was he so big?!??!

And now our little man is turning 3. He's the most precious and sweet boy. He loves his brother and he LOVES cars. He loves to watch Sesame Street and his most recent obsession is Mary Poppins. He seriously is in love with that movie!! Phil and I love that he knows so many songs and sings them in his bed while he's going to sleep and when he wakes up. He has also started really loving his friends. All the time he says, "I want to go play with ______. He/she's my friend."

God blessed us with our sweet son... He really did. Bennett's name means "blessing"! He's amazing, just like every parent thinks their kid is. The things that come out of his mouth are truly hilarious these days. He loves his family, his grandparents especially, and a close second are his aunts. He's SO excited for his birthday. He has asked specifically for cupcakes with sprinkles and he can't WAIT to blow out his candles.

Happy Birthday, Bennett! Your Mommy and Daddy love you SO much!

An Unexpected Evening....

Tuesday night began as a normal evening for us. We had just finished eating dinner and Phil and I were cleaning up the kitchen. Connor had come over to hang out while my mom was at a banquet. Bennett did something naughty, so he was put in time out.

All of a sudden, we heard a BANG, then a BAD scream. BAD! Phil ran back to the time out chair thinking Bennett had pulled something down on him. It wasn't Bennett, so Phil ran to Pax's room. The next thing I hear is "Katie, it's bad! It's bad! It's bad!!" (When Phil says something like that, you know it's bad. He's the most calm, cool and collected person I know.) I came running down the hall and Phil was carrying Pax to the kitchen. Pax was screaming. I got a look at his face and all I saw was blood.

Lots and lots of blood.

The closet door in Pax's room had come off track the other day (it's an accordion style double closet door.) All we can tell is that Pax pulled on the door and it had fallen over on him and the corner had gashed his forehead. I'm telling you, that door is heavy.

When he set him on the kitchen counter, I truly thought his eye had been gashed out because there was so much blood I couldn't see his eye. Phil thought the side of his face was gashed because there was so much blood dripping all down the left side of his face. He told me to get the kids in the car so we could go to the ER.

Let me just say, I panicked. Yep, I did. I kept running in circles not knowing what to do or grab. I finally got the kids in the car and as we were pulling out of the driveway, my mom came speeding down our street, grabbed Connor and Bennett to take them inside, then off Phil, Pax and I went to the Urgent Care.

My sister, Anna, met us there. By the time we had gotten there, Phil had wiped off his face enough for us to see that the gash was on his forehead and was probably 1/2 in - 1 in. long. But it was very deep.

Long story short, we were called back pretty quick so the doctor could assess the situation. After seeing that he didn't have any neurological problems, just needed some stitches, we sat for a while. We waited an hour just to get the numbing gel put on his wound, then it had to sit 30 minutes to numb before we could get stitches. (Here's little guy while we were waiting. He was so good! My sis blew up a plastic glove and that kept him occupied for a while!)

If you have never had your kid get stitches, I'm not gonna candy coat it, it's awful! Poor little guy had to be held down while he was screaming so the doctor could sew him up. It was NOT fun. Actually, the irrigation part was worse than the stitches. Yikes!

I have to say, I was pretty calm as they were putting the stitches in. I held Pax's hand and talked to him. Not that he heard anything I said from all the screaming, but I was glad my stomach could handle watching the doctor stitch him up.

And here's the beautiful final product after being sewed up. Look at his pretty face all messed up with "blue whiskers", as the doctor called it. Man, I hope that scar isn't too bad! Overall, Pax was a brave boy. He just hated to be held down. Once it was over, we let him eat his first sucker while we drove home :)

A big thank you to my sister, Anna, for staying with us the whole time at the clinic. She's so good and I feel so much better when she's there during a "medical" situation since she's a nurse. Also, thank you, Mom and Dad, for staying with Bennett! We ended up getting back home after 10:00pm. My parents cleaned up all the blood off the floor and closet door. They're amazing.

That accident could have been a lot worse, so I'm very grateful to God for watching out for my Paxey.

When the Weather Man says there's an 80% chance it's going to rain.....

..... it still might not.

Huh????

Remember this post announcing we were having a girl??? The doctor gave us an 80% chance we were having a girl, so there was only a 20% chance he was wrong.

20% is not that big of a chance, right???

Well, the next time you hear the weather guy say there's a 20% chance for showers....... BRING AN UMBRELLA!!!!!!!!

WE'RE HAVING A B-O-Y!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Phil and I went back to the doctor last Tuesday. This appointment was the big 20 week ultrasound where they take you to the BIG ultrasound room and take all the major measurements and check all over to make sure everything's ok. More than anything, I was just praying that everything would be ok during the appointment and we would just see a healthy baby. I never really thought (well, maybe deep down, since I'm the world's most "not-wanting-to-believe-anything-til-it-happens" person) the doctor would come back and say "oh, I got it wrong and you're having a boy!"

Well, sure enough, we were sitting there when the baby came up on the screen. Within seconds I hear from Phil, "uh-oh." Panic went through my mind for a second, thinking "what in the world is the matter???" Then, after a few seconds, I saw the "uh-oh" he was referring to. It was floating on the screen, plain as day. Right there. Yep, it was a cute little boy. I asked the ultrasound lady, "it's a boy, isn't it??" She said, "oh yes, it sure is."

I have to admit, for literally 2 seconds I got a lump in my throat and the tears almost came to my eyes. I would love to have a girl. I love the relationship I have with my mom, and I'd love to have a daughter.

Then, I talked to myself in my head and said, "what the heck are you doing, Katie??? You see a perfectly healthy, heart beating, tiny baby on that screen! There is NO way you can be upset about this!" And, the little voice talking to me was right. After those 2 seconds passed, I was fine! I just had to get used to the idea. This baby was a boy the whole time that the doctor had told us it was a girl, so nothing had changed. The doctor had just seen it wrong. So, immediately Phil and I had to switch gears in our minds.

We are very, very blessed to be pregnant with this little baby BOY! We will be having 3 boys. We will be having 3 sons. I'm letting that sink in as I type this. Wow. Wow. I'm trying to picture my life with 3 teenage sons! Ha!

I asked Bennett the other day what we should name our baby boy (by the way, we've had to tell the boys they're not having a sister anymore, that it's a boy. I'm sure they think we're crazy! ha!) Bennett's big thing right now is to say "one more time!!!" if he wants you to do something again. Like if you're singing a song, tickling him, watching a cartoon, he'll say "one more time!!!" So, after I asked him, "what should we name the new little baby boy in Mommy's tummy?", he says, "One-more-time-Pax!" I said, "you want to name the new baby, Pax?" He said, "Yeah!!"

I asked him at another time, "Bennett, what do you think about having another little baby brother?!?!" He said to me, "I'm gonna have anudder friend!!" That about made me cry. How sweet! These boys are going to grow up playing with each other, sharing rooms, clothes, toys, and being so close in age. This is going to be so exciting to watch unfold.

I'm thankful to God who knows the bigger picture and who is in control. He has known since before I was born exactly what our family was going to look like.

Reflecting ...

This day, April 6, is a difficult day for me. This exact day one year ago is when we lost our 4th baby, Baby Taylor.

The loss of a child at any stage is so hard. It's difficult to put it into words the emotions involved unless you have experienced it yourself. Especially after attaching yourself to your baby growing inside you through seeing and hearing his heartbeat and pictures on ultrasound several times, it's amazing the bond that is built so early. You immediately, instantly begin picturing THIS baby in your family, how many years apart he would be from your other kids/cousins in the family, when this baby would be born, and your heart builds a strong connection to the life growing inside your body. Also, the love you feel for someone whom you've never held in your arms, never seen in person develops the first day you know he's growing in your tummy. Then, when that precious life is gone, it leaves the feelings of deep sadness, loneliness, frustration, emptiness and... SADNESS...

And it's often a road you have to walk alone (since no one else ever saw, held, connected to that baby, only you had since he was growing in your body). Some close people around you may be sad for a little while and grieve the loss of that baby with you, then are able to move on. It's often very hard because people don't understand how hard it is at every milestone... the due date that passes, the first anniversary that comes, the other babies around that were due at the same time...

But, when all is said and done, I'm grateful for my God, who I know understands deeply the pain of losing a child. He has helped me use these losses I have experienced to grow stronger in my relationship to Him and to truly seek Him in my saddest times. I am also able to relate to and reach out to other women who experience the loss of a baby. Like one of my favorite people in the world, Beth Moore (I wish I knew her personally! ha!), says, "God never wastes your pain."