Tuesday, January 28, 2020

Family Tombstone


a memorial
a place to sit and reflect
on past memories
my father's name is there now
my mother's will be one day

~cie~

This time, I was a disobedient jerk-face on purpose. I was inspired to write this entire Tanka rather than a Tan Renga. You are still welcome to throw overripe produce at me. 



Dad
31 May 1936 - 28 November 2010

Carpe Diem New Beginnings: Candlelight


shall I make a toast
by candlelight some evening
to the fairy friends

~cie~

I am sorry, but I didn't read the instructions. This is just a little story Senryu, not a Fusion-Ku. Please feel free to throw overripe produce at me. I am, as usual, an idiot.



Perhaps Grover and Clem's chums Nervous Ned and Darlin' Dolly could serenade the fairies.

Carpe Diem New Beginnings: Snowdrops


you always told me
whenever I saw snowdrops
it means you are near
are you here with me again
or is this wishful thinking?

~cie~


Sunday, January 26, 2020

Carpe Diem Weekend Meditation: Troiku Hineri: At Dawn

Image by Johannes Plenio from Pixabay
These round hay bales are a common sight where I live

I
at dawn
I wash my feet with dew
the longest day

at dawn
the sun comes through the window
too bright to look at

I wash my feet with dew
perhaps I am still dreaming
I walk to the yard

the longest day
the too-warm sun of summer
I retreat indoors

II
at dawn
the sun comes through the window
too bright to look at

at dawn
much of the world awakens
though some hide away

the sun comes through the window
too bright to remain asleep
burning fiery orb

too bright to look at
I attempt to ignore it
I begin my day

III
I wash my feet with dew
perhaps I am still dreaming
I walk to the yard

I wash my feet with dew
before the sun burns it off
on grass blades still damp

perhaps I am still dreaming
I would be afraid to walk
unshod on this ground

I walk to the yard
trying to plan the future
what will I grow here?

IV
the longest day
the too-warm sun of summer
I retreat indoors

the longest day
I have many things to do
always stay busy

the too-warm sun of summer
makes me hide inside the house
sun scorching the earth

I retreat indoors
maybe when the evening falls
venture out again

~cie~







Visit the Artist


Ghost town Grover and Cactus Clem have a poem they want to share too.

A cactus man like Cactus Clem
Thinks the heat just can't be beat
He don't mind when it gets toasty
He even walks around in bare feet

A ghost like Ghost Town Grover
Tends to prefer the shade
He likes to sit underneath the old tree
Just sippin' lemonade


Visit the Ornery Poetry Blog

notes
The original Haiku for the Troiku Army was written by © Yozakura (1640-1716).

at dawn
I wash my feet with dew
the longest day

Wednesday, January 22, 2020

Carpe Diem Tan Renga Wednesday: Such a Cold Night

Image by Robson Machado from Pixabay

lying down
with quilts over the head
such a cold night
I spent many nights like this
in a trailer with no heat

~cie~


notes
The Hokku stanza was written by Matsuo Basho (1644 - 1694). The Ageku stanza was written by me. It is autobiographical.

Monday, January 20, 2020

Carpe Diem New Beginnings: First Cry

Image by DatWuschel from Pixabay

first cry of the heart
the wild anticipation
drowning in desire
years ahead lead to regret
saltwater overflowing

~cie~


notes
I have been working on Fetch (Team Netherworld's main WIP) and was inspired to create a Fetch story poem in the voice of Princess Ondina.

Sunday, January 19, 2020

Carpe Diem New Beginnings: First Leaf Falling

Click to enlarge
Background image copyright Matthias Muhler
Text art by cie
Made with Pixlr


Carpe Diem Weekend Meditation: Contentious Eggplant


troublesome eggplant
hard to sketch and hard to grow
pumpkins are not so

~cie~


notes
So, the challenge was to rewrite a Haiku by Shiki using the Shasei style and then turn it into a Tanka. Please click the banner to learn more. If I try to explain, it will only end up becoming convoluted.

I am not sure I succeeded at Shasaei-ing, but I did learn that Shiki was a rebel, and this I succeed at. After re-imagining his Haiku about eggplant and pumpkins, I thought that adding the Ageku stanza would overshadow the perfect brevity (and sharp snarkitude) of the resulting Senryu, so I am leaving it Ageku-less.

Here is the Eggplant Haiku by Shiki.

Sketching from life —
eggplants are harder to do
than pumpkins

© Masaoka Shiki (Tr. Burton Watson)

Friday, January 17, 2020

Carpe Diem New Beginnings: Reincarnation Wave


shrouded memories
wash to the shore like a wave
lives unremembered

shrouded memories
creeping up from the dark past
preying on my mind

wash to the shore like a wave
I wish I could float away
forgetting this strife

lives unremembered
hiding in my troubled mind
preparing to spring

~cie~


notes
We were given two Haiku by Jane Reichhold (1937 - 2016) with which to create a "fusion-ku," and from there, to create a Troiku. Here are Jane's Haiku. My "sleigh" is a Senryu rather than a Haiku, but so it goes.

a huge wave
thundering across the beach
my birthday

sky-clad
the new-born comes wrapped
in previous lives

Sly Speaks + Fat Friday + Friday Flashback: Diet Culture Rhetoric Is Not Poetry



This poignant gem was originally published on 17 January 2010 on my now-retired poetry blog.

life It would be far easier to diet if I didn't like food.

This, apparently, was the entire-ass poem.

A year later, I would finally take the long-needed step of ditching diet culture for good.

That is a terrible statement, let alone being a terrible poem. 

It isn't even a poem, it's a blurb. A very stupid and brainwashed blurb. It's a tweet that shouldn't have been tweeted. It is a lot of things, none of them good. A poem it is not. 

The Chili Bean Tanka is a better poem, and it is not a good poem. In fact, it is close to Vogon poetry in its poetic injustice.

It goes a little bit something like this.

I ate the chili
between the beans and the spice
digestive horror
beneath the cover of night
noxious eruptions take place

As I mentioned previously, I struggled over the holidays. My abusive partner ED (Eating Disorder) reared his ugly head and I relapsed into my old restrictive eating and self-loathing patterns. Which, by the way, never made me thin, they just fucked my metabolism over and made me hate myself even more. 

However, reading this micro-poem that should not be, I could see where I'd been myopic in my criticism of a poet whose book I reviewed recently. I gave the book overall high praise, but I stated that her "poem" which read as follows, and I quote:

love ends but calories are forever

was not so much a poem as unfortunate diet culture rhetoric, and I wouldn't want to read it as a tweet, let alone in a book of poetry.

Given the unseemly evidence above, that critique was hypocritical of me.

However, there is a lesson to be learned.

Next time you think publishing a pithy pearl of poignant perspicacity such as this...

Go to the kitchen and grab yourself a snack. Or at least have something to drink. Your blood sugar may be low because if you think that's worth publishing, you obviously haven't been thinking clearly. Step out for a breath of air and clear your head of the Diet Culture nonsense. You've obviously bitten off more of it than you can chew.

That being said, Words Written in the Dark is, overall, a thoughtful and thought-provoking volume of modern poetry, and I recommend it highly.


Fat and Ornery
Image copyright Open Clipart Vectors

Sly and Snarky
Image copyright juliahenze @123rf.com


Wednesday, January 15, 2020

Carpe Diem New Beginnings: Metamorphosis


the changes unseen
invisible to the eye
taking place within

~cie~


Carpe Diem Tan Renga Wednesday: Persimmon


When I ate a persimmon
The bell rung
The Horyuji temple
sound from another lifetime
calling me to remember

~shiki & cie~


notes
The Hokku was written by Masaoka Shiki (1867-1902). The Ageku was created by me. I do believe that reincarnation is a possibility. I do not reveal this as an invitation to debate, merely as a statement of my thoughts on the matter.

Tuesday, January 14, 2020

Tanka Splendor: Vernal Equinox


vernal equinox
fifty-fifth year of my life
will I find some peace
or will the dark curtain fall
as it tends to do in spring?

~cie~


notes
I created the Tanka Splendor badge with a free to use stock image on Pixlr. Please feel free to use it on your own blog. No credit is necessary.

I was not correctly diagnosed with type 2 bipolar disorder until I was nearly 40 years old. I was diagnosed with "depression and anxiety." I have both of those, but I have bipolar disorder rather than unipolar depression as my son has. My restlessness was sometimes blamed on ADD, which I have as well, but the restlessness becomes magnified in a hypomanic state.

My baseline mood is moderately depressed. Some of my depression is situational. Living in poverty is very stressful. I try to ameliorate the way I feel about it by the fact that I keep trying, but sometimes I feel like all my trying adds up to one big ole heapin' helpin' of horse manure and I become despondent. 

I live with suicide ideation. I think about offing myself a lot. Ideation is not the same as planning. My planning levels tend to be low regardless of how strong the ideation levels are. Generally speaking, I'm probably too much of an asshole to commit suicide because then I wouldn't be able to piss people off by existing in a corporeal fashion in their presence. But sometimes not having to struggle sure sounds like a winner.

I have experienced spring depression almost every year of my life since I hit puberty. My puberty was somewhat precocious and started coming on when I was nine years old. Thinking back on things, the first time I can remember seeing a strong manifestation that could have been identified as bipolar 2 was on my tenth birthday. 

Bipolar 2 can be sneaky since it presents with hypomania rather than full mania. Hypomania is like "mania lite." However, it can be just as destructive. I've learned to recognize the magical thinking that comes with the condition and to try not to act on my impulses during periods of hypomania. By magical thinking, I don't mean believing in fairies or even believing something potentially fatal like thinking I could get up on a roof and float down. Hypomania does not create that sort of delusion. (The delusion that jumping off a roof is a good idea. I like to hope that believing in fairies is not a delusion.) It does create the sort of delusion that I should buy into an MLM program for a thousand dollars and will make a butt-ton of money and be able to live happily ever after. I don't have the focus to be successful at such a thing, even if it is one of the few programs that is legit.

By the way, Watkins is not that sort of program. It is legit, and the "buy-in" for a year is only $30. I'm only saying this because the -666 of you who follow my blogs might be saying "oh, Cie, have you done this again with this Watkins thing?" No, I actually only signed up for Watkins to get discounts on my own merchandise but after reviewing the material felt good about recommending it to others.

I am trying to learn to forgive myself for sometimes really awful and personally destructive past decisions and to stop belittling myself for having a brain that works differently than the brains of the sort of people who tend to be held up as examples. Nobody will ever say: "why can't you be more like that ornery old hag cie? I mean, she's simply all over the place, and she's easily distracted except when she's laser-focused on one of her ruinous plans? Now there's someone you can look up to!"

I will be fifty-five in a month and a day from this writing unless I go tits up in the meantime. I have no hope that "this will be my year" as I always told myself on birthdays in the past and was inevitably disappointed. This will be a year. There will be no significant shifts. I will remain me and the world will wag on.

Carpe Diem New Beginnings: First Snow

Image by JL G from Pixabay

the first snow crept in
one windy October night
teeth biting through bone

~cie~


Monday, January 13, 2020

Carpe Diem New Beginnings: Ornery Senryu: First Sunray


first rays of sunshine
after working the night shift
felt like a vampire

~The Ornery Old Night Owl~



Image Copyright Open Clipart Vectors

Ornery Notes:
I haven't had to work the night shift in close to three years now. But I'm still a night owl!
The night shift was always fine for me until about three or four in the morning. The last three or four hours were horrible.



Ghost Town Grover Sez:
"I gotta tell y'all, on Halloween night in Telluride in 1880, I was whoopin' it up with some of the other miners, and when I went out behind the saloon to drain the ole rattlesnake, this pale feller with slick black hair wearin' a fancy cape come floatin' up beside me. I asked him if he wanted to come into the saloon and join me and the fellers fer a swig of Amos Fine's Famous Shine. 

That high-fallutin' feller said in a hoity-toity way that he didn't never drink Shine. Now, maybe he was jest eccentric or somethin', but when Father O'Malley come outta the saloon wearin' his big ole silver cross on a chain, that feller hissed like an angry tomcat, hollered "BLUH!", pulled his cape over his face, and turned tail and run. 

Maybe he'd bin slippin' outta the church after Sunday meetin's without tithin' proper, but there shore was somethin' weird about that fancy-pants stranger, and he shore didn't take a shine to the good Father and his shiny cross.


Cactus Clem Sez:
"Well, Grover, I bet y'all didn't know it, but Ornery actually is a vamper. I done heard her tellin' someone all about how she got hammered on cactus juice on Saint Patrick's Day in 1992 an' ended up sleepin' on someone's bathroom floor! She ain't tried to drink the juice from my veins yet, but I'm gonna have to sleep with one eye open on St. Patrick's Day!"


Further Ornery Notes:
Cactus Clem doesn't have anything to worry about. I really can't drink more than a few sips of beer or wine these days. But if you're feeling daring, you can click the link above and try the drink that the cute little buffalo is serving up!

Sunday, January 12, 2020

Carpe Diem Weekend Meditation #111 Troiku ... New Beginnings ... Lotus starts to bloom


in deep prayer
eyes closed in devotion -
Lotus starts to bloom

in deep prayer
I can't trust what my mind says
it plays tricks on me

eyes closed in devotion -
trying to change my focus
away from my pain

lotus starts to bloom
is the lotus in my mind
real or illusion?

~truth seeker~


notes
The sleigh of the Troiku was created By Chèvrefeuille. The horses were gingerly handled by someone.

Wednesday, January 8, 2020

Carpe Diem Haiku: Senryu: Lost at Birth

Image by Michael Gaida from Pixabay

born to a hard life
a world of trouble and strife
you deserved better

~nobody~


notes from nobody
Written for my son. I was not able to give him the childhood he deserved because of my mental health issues. Now we live together in poverty trying to support each other as best we can. If there are angels, I believe he is one.

Carpe Diem Tan Renga Wednesday on the Following Monday Because I Suck: Another Morning

Image by Hasty Words from Pixabay

New Year's morning
the first day begins
in the same dream
or perhaps the same nightmare
when your mind has been broken

~nobody~


notes from nobody
The Hokku stanza was written by Jane Reichhold (1937 - 2016). The Ageku stanza was written by nobody.